Original subtitles

People, I'm very disappointed with these test scores.

We scored.

No, butthead. That's my point. You didn't score.

You got a zero.

Now, I know you people are bright enough, so I'm guessing the problem lies

elsewhere. So today, I want to show you how to realign your mind -body energies

through simple meditation.

Okay? First, I'll assume the lotus position.

There. Okay.

Now, now... Oh!

Ah! Ah! My neck!

Oh, my God. Somebody call an ambulance.

Ow!

I thought school was gonna suck today.

Uh,

all right.

What?

Uh, all right.

This looks kind of cool.

Really?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, you know, it's kind of groovy.

Kind of has a nice little thing, you know?

Kind of makes me feel good.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so, yeah.

Yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah. It's kind of, yeah.

Yeah,

this is really cool, yeah.

Uh, Beaver?

I was just kidding.

Dumbass. I know. Shut up, put it.

You really like this crap.

I don't, but I'm just kidding.

What a wuss.

Stop it.

I hate everything about him.

I hate this.

I hate it.

Shut up.

You know what would be cool? As if it just started pouring rain right now.

Yeah.

Or maybe there'd be like a sudden hailstorm.

Yeah, yeah.

Or a turd storm.

There's no such thing as a turd storm, Beavis.

This is a video, butthead. They can have anything they want.

I don't want to see a turd storm.

Settle down, Beavis.

And I thought I told you to quit talking about turds all the time.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

Cool.

I win again.

Paper kills scissors.

Ow!

Boy, you're pretty good at this game.

Good morning, everybody. I'm Jim the Substitute. Sorry to rush you, but we're

going to be dead in 80 years, and that's barely enough time to learn anything.

Let's start with these things. A textbook gives you a hernia, not an

Whoa.

Cool.

Lesson one, people, enthusiasm.

If you can't get into what you're doing, why do it at all? What's your name?

Uh, Joe.

Joe? Joe what?

Uh, Mama.

Joe Mama.

Hey,

that's great.

Lesson two, be creative.

What's your name?

Um, um.

Jack. Okay, Jack. Jack what?

I'm Jack Mama.

All right, fair enough.

Well, no points off for trying. How about you?

Huge erection.

That's marvelous.

You?

Argyny. Myth -argyny.

Myth -argyny. Hey, that's wonderful. I like this class.

This guy's a dumbass.

He'll believe anything.

Yeah, really.

I'm going to stick around for this.

Check it out, butthead. Somebody left their locker open.

Let's clove it for him.

Let's clove it again.

A good reader's like a lover.

Attentive, passionate.

Who wants to make love today?

Hey, Beavis and Butthead. What did you think of those old Superman comics I

loaned you?

Uh, we gave them to this kid after he showed us a dead deer.

Yeah, he was all bloated and stuff. I poked it.

Wise choice, men.

Life experience beats book learning hands down.

Hey, what's this?

It's a diorama based on Walt Whitman's poem, Cavalry Crossing a Fort.

We made it for you.

For me?

You all did this for me?

Together, after school.

We didn't do it.

Yeah, we don't do stuff like that. Yeah, really.

Oh, you want me to get pissed, right? Like the system says.

But I'm going to break that little rule and tell you something you've probably

never heard before.

I believe in you.

I believe in you, and I trust you. Come over here, and I'll prove it.

Okay, you stand here.

Butthead, stand here.

Now I'm going to show you something.

I trust you.

Ah!

Whoa. Yeah.

Fabulous.

I think we're supposed to catch him, butthead.

Oh, yeah.

Dumbass.

Whoa, check out his eyes.

I don't wanna see you.

Yeah, I don't wanna see you either.

Yeah, really.

Change the channel, come on, butthead, or turn it off or something.

Eh. There's nothing else on.

Not me. What happened to those cards?

Uh, they're right here.

Come on, let's play another round. I want to win my two dollars back.

Uh, okay.

Uh,

this game is called Bunghole Surprise.

Cool.

First you take your cards, and then you, like, tell me what you have.

Okay, I have two eights, and a nine, and a

three, and a chick.

Okay.

Okay,

I'm going to, like, get five new cards.

I bet $18.

And I won.

Well, you owe me $18.

Bunghole. No way! That's too much. I don't want to play this anymore.

Okay.

If you don't want to play, we'll just watch this video.

No! Okay, I'll play.

Okay. Okay,

$18.

Okay.

I won.

Damn it! Really?

How come I keep losing?

I never win!

Dumbass.

With just a few exceptions, people, I'm impressed by the progress on these test

scores.

We scored.

No, butthead, you didn't.

We'll talk about it later. Right now we're going to talk about Emily

Open your textbooks to page 234, the poem entitled A Narrow Fellow

in the Grass.

Okay, now.

School's gotten a lot cooler lately.

I'm getting, like, interested in learning or something.

And now, I give you

the men of Chavez.

That dude was kind of funny.

Yeah.

Yeah, he kind of was.

What is this, anyway?

I don't know, some kind of show?

This is kind of cool.

Yeah.

I mean, it's like, the music is horrible, but it rules.

We should watch this all the time.

Yeah, this rules.

I bet you could score with some of those chicks in the audience.

By just going up to them and saying, hey, baby, I'm not in the band.

Yeah,

like all you have to do is say, I have nothing to do with these guys.

Want to make out?

Yeah.

You know, it's like, this video is cool.

It's got something for everyone.

You know, like whatever you're into, like if you're into a dude wiggling his

butt around, they've got that.

No thanks. If you're into lions, they've got that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or if you're into horrible music, they have that too. Yeah, something for

everybody.

Everybody sucks.

Yeah, everybody is stupid.

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