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People, I'm very disappointed with these
test scores.
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00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:22,520
We scored.
3
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No, butthead. That's my point. You
didn't score.
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You got a zero.
5
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,400
Now, I know you people are bright
enough, so I'm guessing the problem lies
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elsewhere. So today, I want to show you
how to realign your mind -body energies
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through simple meditation.
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Okay? First, I'll assume the lotus
position.
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There. Okay.
10
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Now, now... Oh!
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Ah! Ah! My neck!
12
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Oh, my God. Somebody call an ambulance.
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Ow!
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I thought school was gonna suck today.
15
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Uh,
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all right.
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What?
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Uh, all right.
19
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This looks kind of cool.
20
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Really?
21
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Yeah, I guess so.
22
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Yeah, you know, it's kind of groovy.
23
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Kind of has a nice little thing, you
know?
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Kind of makes me feel good.
25
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, I guess so, yeah.
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Yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah.
It's kind of, yeah.
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Yeah,
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this is really cool, yeah.
30
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Uh, Beaver?
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I was just kidding.
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Dumbass. I know. Shut up, put it.
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You really like this crap.
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I don't, but I'm just kidding.
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What a wuss.
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Stop it.
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I hate everything about him.
38
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I hate this.
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I hate it.
40
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Shut up.
41
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You know what would be cool? As if it
just started pouring rain right now.
42
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Yeah.
43
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Or maybe there'd be like a sudden
hailstorm.
44
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Yeah, yeah.
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Or a turd storm.
46
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There's no such thing as a turd storm,
Beavis.
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This is a video, butthead. They can have
anything they want.
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I don't want to see a turd storm.
49
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Settle down, Beavis.
50
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And I thought I told you to quit talking
about turds all the time.
51
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Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
52
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Cool.
53
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I win again.
54
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Paper kills scissors.
55
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Ow!
56
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Boy, you're pretty good at this game.
57
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,770
Good morning, everybody. I'm Jim the
Substitute. Sorry to rush you, but we're
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going to be dead in 80 years, and that's
barely enough time to learn anything.
59
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Let's start with these things. A
textbook gives you a hernia, not an
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00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:19,330
Whoa.
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Cool.
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Lesson one, people, enthusiasm.
63
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If you can't get into what you're doing,
why do it at all? What's your name?
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Uh, Joe.
65
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Joe? Joe what?
66
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Uh, Mama.
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Joe Mama.
68
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,060
Hey,
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that's great.
70
00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:45,640
Lesson two, be creative.
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What's your name?
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00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,420
Um, um.
73
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Jack. Okay, Jack. Jack what?
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I'm Jack Mama.
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All right, fair enough.
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00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,200
Well, no points off for trying. How
about you?
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Huge erection.
78
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:04,020
That's marvelous.
79
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,079
You?
80
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,260
Argyny. Myth -argyny.
81
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,800
Myth -argyny. Hey, that's wonderful. I
like this class.
82
00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:13,580
This guy's a dumbass.
83
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He'll believe anything.
84
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:17,410
Yeah, really.
85
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I'm going to stick around for this.
86
00:04:26,130 --> 00:04:28,590
Check it out, butthead. Somebody left
their locker open.
87
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,130
Let's clove it for him.
88
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,250
Let's clove it again.
89
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A good reader's like a lover.
90
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,360
Attentive, passionate.
91
00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:52,640
Who wants to make love today?
92
00:04:56,540 --> 00:05:00,780
Hey, Beavis and Butthead. What did you
think of those old Superman comics I
93
00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:01,379
loaned you?
94
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:05,080
Uh, we gave them to this kid after he
showed us a dead deer.
95
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,960
Yeah, he was all bloated and stuff. I
poked it.
96
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,680
Wise choice, men.
97
00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:13,490
Life experience beats book learning
hands down.
98
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:15,210
Hey, what's this?
99
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:19,990
It's a diorama based on Walt Whitman's
poem, Cavalry Crossing a Fort.
100
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:21,330
We made it for you.
101
00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:22,610
For me?
102
00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:24,590
You all did this for me?
103
00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,510
Together, after school.
104
00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:28,090
We didn't do it.
105
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:31,950
Yeah, we don't do stuff like that. Yeah,
really.
106
00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:36,110
Oh, you want me to get pissed, right?
Like the system says.
107
00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:38,910
But I'm going to break that little rule
and tell you something you've probably
108
00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:39,910
never heard before.
109
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,940
I believe in you.
110
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,800
I believe in you, and I trust you. Come
over here, and I'll prove it.
111
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,520
Okay, you stand here.
112
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,560
Butthead, stand here.
113
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,460
Now I'm going to show you something.
114
00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:57,760
I trust you.
115
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,060
Ah!
116
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:02,040
Whoa. Yeah.
117
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:05,900
Fabulous.
118
00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:10,050
I think we're supposed to catch him,
butthead.
119
00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:11,810
Oh, yeah.
120
00:06:13,390 --> 00:06:14,390
Dumbass.
121
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,390
Whoa, check out his eyes.
122
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:24,030
I don't wanna see you.
123
00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:26,910
Yeah, I don't wanna see you either.
124
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:28,670
Yeah, really.
125
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:35,730
Change the channel, come on, butthead,
or turn it off or something.
126
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,170
Eh. There's nothing else on.
127
00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:41,290
Not me. What happened to those cards?
128
00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:42,890
Uh, they're right here.
129
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,590
Come on, let's play another round. I
want to win my two dollars back.
130
00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:49,870
Uh, okay.
131
00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:52,230
Uh,
132
00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:56,470
this game is called Bunghole Surprise.
133
00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:58,330
Cool.
134
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:04,450
First you take your cards, and then you,
like, tell me what you have.
135
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:12,920
Okay, I have two eights, and a nine, and
a
136
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,660
three, and a chick.
137
00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:18,580
Okay.
138
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,520
Okay,
139
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,980
I'm going to, like, get five new cards.
140
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,840
I bet $18.
141
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,100
And I won.
142
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,840
Well, you owe me $18.
143
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:37,840
Bunghole. No way! That's too much. I
don't want to play this anymore.
144
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,280
Okay.
145
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,940
If you don't want to play, we'll just
watch this video.
146
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,520
No! Okay, I'll play.
147
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,100
Okay. Okay,
148
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:48,900
$18.
149
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,800
Okay.
150
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:52,880
I won.
151
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:54,960
Damn it! Really?
152
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,400
How come I keep losing?
153
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:57,700
I never win!
154
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,120
Dumbass.
155
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:07,220
With just a few exceptions, people, I'm
impressed by the progress on these test
156
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,220
scores.
157
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:09,820
We scored.
158
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,460
No, butthead, you didn't.
159
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,880
We'll talk about it later. Right now
we're going to talk about Emily
160
00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:27,760
Open your textbooks to page 234, the
poem entitled A Narrow Fellow
161
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:28,880
in the Grass.
162
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,140
Okay, now.
163
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,590
School's gotten a lot cooler lately.
164
00:08:53,690 --> 00:08:56,790
I'm getting, like, interested in
learning or something.
165
00:08:57,710 --> 00:09:04,690
And now, I give you
166
00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:07,070
the men of Chavez.
167
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,590
That dude was kind of funny.
168
00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:12,890
Yeah.
169
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,510
Yeah, he kind of was.
170
00:09:18,639 --> 00:09:20,040
What is this, anyway?
171
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,780
I don't know, some kind of show?
172
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:26,820
This is kind of cool.
173
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,260
Yeah.
174
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:35,580
I mean, it's like, the music is
horrible, but it rules.
175
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,800
We should watch this all the time.
176
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,240
Yeah, this rules.
177
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,140
I bet you could score with some of those
chicks in the audience.
178
00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:49,410
By just going up to them and saying,
hey, baby, I'm not in the band.
179
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:51,630
Yeah,
180
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:55,390
like all you have to do is say, I have
nothing to do with these guys.
181
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:57,250
Want to make out?
182
00:09:58,690 --> 00:09:59,690
Yeah.
183
00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:08,650
You know, it's like, this video is cool.
184
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,510
It's got something for everyone.
185
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,140
You know, like whatever you're into,
like if you're into a dude wiggling his
186
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,360
butt around, they've got that.
187
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,900
No thanks. If you're into lions, they've
got that.
188
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:20,680
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
189
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:26,100
Or if you're into horrible music, they
have that too. Yeah, something for
190
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,100
everybody.
191
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,260
Everybody sucks.
192
00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:33,540
Yeah, everybody is stupid.
193
00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:38,140
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