Original subtitles

Get the door, Beaver.

Um,

here's the new phone book, dude.

Yeah.

Hey, buddy, check it out.

New phone book.

Cool.

Let's, like, call someone.

Yeah.

Uh... Taylor... Bob... No.

Uh... M -M -Matthews. Al.

No. Come on, buddy.

Uh... Thack. Thack.

Harry.

Harry Thack.

Harry Thack.

This is gonna be cool.

Uh... Who's that?

This is Bucky Hayes.

Uh, okay.

Whoa, is that supposed to be a dream?

Uh, no, this dude really lives like this.

Whoa. That's cool.

It's like, if you were scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life,

what would you dream about?

Because all I dream about now is scoring.

Well, if I was scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, then I

would dream about scoring with three chicks.

And if I was scoring with three chicks, I'd dream about scoring with four

chicks. Yeah.

And then if I had five chicks at the same time, I'd just put my face in all

their butt cheeks and go...

Whoa,

her butt looks better in pants than most chicks' butts look naked.

Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks' butts look naked.

Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks' butts look naked.

Her butt looks better in pants than most chicks' butts look naked.

Hairy sack.

Hello. I'm calling back.

Uh, okay.

This time, let's say something.

Okay.

Uh, hello?

I'm... I'm... You suck!

That was pretty funny, Viva.

Hello?

It's Harry Sacks!

No!

No!

Now, somebody's gonna die.

Uh,

hello?

Hey, congratulations.

You just won yourself a free pizza.

Cool. We'll be ha - to deliver it right over to your house.

What's your address?

Uh... You don't know your own address?

Uh... Uh, tell you what.

Do you have any mail around?

Read me the address off of that.

Hey, is there any, like, mail around here?

Um, let's see.

Just that stuff we took out of Stuart's mailbox.

Uh, okay.

Stuart Stevenson. Uh, 67 Maple Street.

Now hurry up and get that pizza over here. I'm hungry.

Here for some cookies, Stuart?

Oh, right. Thanks, Mom.

You little worm!

Was it you?

Damn it. What's all the noise in here? I'm on the phone. Oh, my God.

It was you, wasn't it? I'll kill you. Damn it. Operator. Ah, no.

Hey,

this is between you and Stewart. Get him.

Please.

You like the way that sounds, funny man?

Huh? You must be Stewart.

Listen very carefully, funny man.

Please.

I swear I'll find you wherever you are and I'll gut you.

But just to be sure you don't call me, I'm going to stick your phone where

you'll have an awful hard time dialing it. No, please, no.

Bon Jovi.

But you know, um, this song, it's kind of, um, uh, never mind.

Uh, what?

Well, um, I was just gonna say, you know, this song, I mean, um, you know,

sucks, but, um, but there's this one part that I kind of like where it kind

goes, um, give me something for the pain.

Uh, what did you say, Beavis?

Well, no, I'm just saying, you know, um, you know, I kind of like this one part

of the song, you know, where it goes, give me something for the pain.

Cut it out, bunghole.

I'm doing it for your own good, Beaver. You're starting to like this song.

Well, no, I mean, I still think Bon Jovi sucks, but I just kind of think this

song, you know, kind of, there's just this one part that's kind of like... If

you say one more good thing about Bon Jovi, I'm going to really smack the

bejesus out of you.

Okay, well, you know what I mean.

Okay, so it sucks, but it doesn't suck as much as... Cut

it out.

Damn it, butthead. Bon Jovi rules.

Take that.

Yeah, I like this song.

This sucks.

As soon as my nads feel better, I'm going to beat the living crap out of

You can't tell me what sucks.

Right.

I like this. So blow it up your ass.

Hey. Ow.

Take it easy. Be careful.

Damn it. I'm hungry. Where the hell's my pizza?

Whoa.

Hey, buddy. It looks like something's going on at Stuart's house.

Oh, yeah?

Let's call him.

Somebody get that. That might be the office.

Ah!

Eh.

Nobody's home.

Let's call that Harry Fack dude again.

Yeah. Harry Fack.

Oh, no. This video freaks me out. It's like, you know, I get all excited when I

see the checks and I see these stubby dudes and it, like, makes my testes

retract into my globules.

Yeah.

It gives me a special feeling in my seminiferous tubules.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to do every single girl in this video.

Uh, you want to do, like, every girl in every video, Beaver?

Um, no.

Not really.

Uh, name one girl in a video that you wouldn't want to do.

Boy, let me think. Oh, I know.

Um, there's that one, uh, video, you know, where they're, like, uh, you know,

Bangkok stealing, and, um...

That one girl and she's like, you know, stuffing fruit and stuff down her shirt.

I don't want to do her.

That's a dude dressed up like a girl, Beaver.

That doesn't count.

Oh, okay.

Well, let me... Wilson. Well, I guess I'd do her.

Oh, me.

No.

Boy,

maybe you're right.

I just want to make love with all the women of the world.

Yeah.

Me too.

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