Original subtitles

Now, people, who can tell us where we get our food?

Uh, at the store.

Good, Butthead.

Whoa, really?

I'm afraid so.

Sadly, the primal experience of cultivating the earth has been replaced

trip to the store.

That's why you're all going to grow plants.

Now, Beavis and Butthead, if you could grow any type of food, what would you

grow?

Nachos.

Nachos aren't a plant, dumbass.

They, like, make them from stuff.

That's right, butthead. And corn is an excellent choice, or as the Native

Americans call it, maize. No, no, no. We want to grow nachos.

In a few months, Beavis, when the corn grows, you'll be able to make your own

nachos. Yeah, but we can go to Maxi Mart and get some right now.

Yeah, but that's a school.

They have to do everything ass backwards.

Magician.

Maybe he's going to pull a rabbit out of his hat.

Yeah, or maybe he'll pull a rabbit out of his butt.

I mean, I knew you were going to say that, Butthead.

You always say stuff like that.

It's not very funny.

Uh, shut up, Beaver.

Magicians are stupid.

It's like they're always pulling, like, rabbits and birds out of their hats and

their sleeves and stuff.

It's like, why don't they just pull money out of their hats?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, it's like they could just... Pull some

money out of their hat.

And then when they run out, they can just make some more money up here.

And then just keep making more and more money until they're rich. And then they

can, like, make chicks up here.

And then maybe, like, um, you know, like a tractor.

That would roll.

Yeah.

He could pull a tractor out of his butt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I mean, maybe we should get one of those books on magic.

Uh, what book? Fuck, Viva.

Damn it.

There's always a catch.

You know, once my grandma was reading me this book where there was this dude. He

was like magic because he could like, he could take this one loaf of bread and

like use it to feed like a thousand people.

You know what else he could do? He could take water and turn it into beer.

I'm serious.

Really? That kicks ass.

Get ready for nachos, Beavis.

These

seeds

suck.

I knew you guys would screw this up. I just had to see for myself.

What do you know about nachos, Daria?

Not much, but I do know you're supposed to plant the seeds... in the ground.

I know it sounds crazy, but I've seen it work.

Then you have to give them water, and then some plant food. And it helps if

talk to them, too. In the meantime, I hope you guys don't starve to death.

Stupid diarrhea.

Really?

Well, you heard her, dude. Let's get them in the ground.

Cool. Didn't diarrhea say we were supposed to put water on it?

Uh, yeah, but water sucks.

Oh, yeah, yeah, water sucks.

Let's get him some food.

Okay, here you go.

Yeah.

Come and get...

Nothing's

happening, butthead.

Yeah,

farming sucks.

Let's go get something to eat. I'm hungry.

So, uh, where's the corn?

Maybe it needs more food and water and stuff. We already tried that, dumbass.

This corn is starting to piss me off.

Come on, grow, dammit.

How come you're yelling at it?

I'm not yelling at it, dumbass. I'm just, like, talking to it like Daria

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, like, uh, corn.

Grow.

Yeah, what's your problem?

Yeah, really.

What's taking you so damn long?

Yeah, yeah. You know, we gave you some food. We gave you some cheeseburgers.

know, I could have eaten that myself.

And I was like, you're just sitting there. You're not doing anything. Come

grow. Yeah.

I'm getting pretty sick of this crap.

Yeah, and you're just taking your sweet -ass time peddling around.

And next time I'm going to get the belt.

There's not going to be a next time.

I'm going to kick your ass right now.

Son of a bitch.

What?

That's boring.

Yeah, really.

It's boring enough to watch this, and then they're bored doing it.

Maybe next time they'll learn to rock.

Yeah.

What a bunch of wussies.

It's like they're all hanging out up on the diving board, but, like, everyone's

too chicken to jump off.

You need to take those guitars and those amps and just, like... Push him off the

diving board into the water and watch him get all electrocuted or something?

that would rule.

You know, I don't want the high dive one.

Remember?

Cool.

You didn't dive, Beavis. You fell off.

You were trying to run back to the ladder and you slipped.

No. No way.

You were flailing around in the water.

And then that dude with the hairy chest came and saved you.

Shut up, butthead.

At least I fell off it. I didn't even see you climb up.

Yeah, I did.

After they took you off in the ambulance, I was, like, doing a bunch of

dives.

It was cool.

And then I scored.

Whoa, really?

You're cool, butthead.

Yeah.

It was cool.

Well,

class, overall, I'm really pleased with this project.

You all did a marvelous job getting in touch with the Earth.

But I must say, Beavis and Butthead, I'm a little disappointed. What happened to

your corn?

Uh, we made it into nachos already.

Yeah, they were really good.

Come on, what really happened?

Oh. Uh, we fed it and watered it and, like, tried talking to it and stuff, but

it just had a bad attitude about growing.

Yeah, it's like one of those problem plants.

Well, I can't fail you for trying, but what's that awful smell?

Oh, yeah.

After it stopped growing, Beavis fertilized it.

Whoa.

That looked like that dude from Planet of the Apes.

That movie kicked ass.

Remember when they put those naked guys in a cage?

Yeah.

Those guys were whoopee.

Yeah, yeah, really. I wouldn't take that if they did that to me.

I'd be kicking monkey ass all over the place.

Yeah.

You know,

these guys sound pretty cool, you know, for having a monkey, you know, on

guitar. I'm thinking maybe they should get a gorilla to play drums.

Because, you know, you go to the zoo and they're always playing with themselves.

Maybe they could play some drums. I don't know.

Yeah,

but, Viva, you play with yourself, and you can't play drums.

Oh, wait, but I bet I could play the drums. I could, like, go, you know.

Then

I

was thinking also, you know, if you had a monkey on drums, just one more thing

about that.

If you had a monkey on a drum, you know, you could crank him.

That's all I wanted to say.

Yeah.

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