Original subtitles

Whoa, I just, like, thought of something, Beavis.

Someday, every one of these is going to be on a wiener.

Oh, yeah.

And then you know where it's going to be after that.

Whoa, check it out, butthead.

What is this thing?

Uh, I think it's a ride or something.

Oh, yeah.

This is gonna be cool. Yeah.

How come I'm not moving?

Uh, you have to, like, start it first, dumbass.

This is gonna be cool.

Here we go.

Wait a second. I think it's starting to hurt, but it's... Ow!

Ow! Make up your

mind.

Make up your mind.

I already made up my mind.

Fuck.

Well, now come on, give it back.

Whoa.

Is that a body?

Yeah, I think so.

You think they killed somebody just to make this video?

They should have killed the people who made it.

I wonder what that would be like, you know, like, to die.

Eh, well, you're gonna find out someday.

Are you threatening me?

I will never die.

No, I'm serious, Eva. It's like, you know, you start to get all old and

Yeah, really?

What else?

I think you start, like, losing control of your wee -wee.

What else?

Eh. Then you, like, start pooping a lot, and you, like, lose the grip of your

butt.

Ah! I'm gonna die!

Yeah.

You're old.

Oh, I mean, but what would you do, like, if I died?

I'd probably, like, move over to the middle of the couch.

It's more comfortable.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Damn it! You're just freaking me out! Ow!

You're squeezing my arm, buddy! Ow!

Let go!

Get it off, buddy!

Get it off. Get it off!

Uh, what's playing?

Uh... Emmer...

E -M -E -R -G... Stop!

What the fuck?

Go get something to cut this thing off!

Ow!

Don't go anywhere, Beaver.

I'll be back.

Ow!

Hi,

would you like to try a slice of our party pizza today?

Uh... Is it free?

Yeah, it's a free sample.

Cool.

Here you go.

Is that all?

What a ripoff.

Are you going to make some more?

Because I like pepperoni and stuff.

And big slices, too.

Hey, B, check it out, a diaper for old people.

Come on, butthead, get me out of here.

Some guy's going to take a dump in these.

Come on, butthead, help me.

You look like a dork.

Hey, looking for a tool?

Tool.

I need something sharp to, like, cut something off.

You mean like a pair of scissors?

Uh, no.

Do you have, like, a chainsaw?

Well, we don't have any of those, but we have some of these small wood saws.

Uh, okay.

I'll trade you for these diapers.

You can poop in them.

Okay, I'll just put these back for you.

Okay, Beavis.

Damn it!

We're going to get you out of here. Hurry up, buddy! Come on, I'm going to

Hurry up! Hold still, Beavis. It's only going to hurt for a second.

Let's see.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Not my arm, buddy! Ow!

Map.

Remember that time that guy came into Burger World because he was lost?

And you, like, drew a map with, like, ketchup and french fries and pickles?

Oh, yeah.

I was just making stuff up.

You were like, okay, you see? You go right down here, and then you turn left,

and then see this pickle? This is like a big building.

Yeah.

He believed me.

He was like, go on.

Uh -huh.

Okay. Mm -hmm.

Hey,

buddy, you know, like, sometimes when we get rides home, and there's, like, a

lot of dudes, and they're all stuffed in the backseat like that?

Uh, yeah.

Um, is it normal to get wood?

Viva, you boner -popping pervert.

It's not even normal to ask.

Okay. Oh, okay.

Whoa, is that a demolition derby?

Uh, yeah.

I think it is.

Demolition derby kicks ass.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I can't think of anything that kicks as much ass as a demolition

derby. Yeah.

Yeah.

Does your mom still go out to Sunset Speedway and watch those?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Sunset Speedway presents the Duke of Dirt Derby.

The Barons of Bash, the Kings of Crash, and the Sunset Derby Spectacular with

skills, thrills, and bone -crunching bills.

See, it's my place for the whole thing, but you'll only need the edge.

Shut up, Beavis.

Your voice is too high to do that.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Shut up, Swaddle.

Sunday,

Sunday, Sunday.

You have a high voice, Beavis.

Shut up, butthead. I don't talk like that.

Oh, no. I'm going to die.

Whoa, whoa. Hey.

Ow.

Ow. Ow.

Oh, thanks.

You okay there, buddy?

No.

You should stick your wiener in there, Beaver. Oh, yeah.

Your blood pressure's dangerously high for a boy your age.

Really? Cool.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. This ain't joking around, okay? I want you to go

doctor right away.

Now, in the meantime, I'm going to give you some pills that should help your

high blood pressure.

Now, it's very important that you avoid any kind of stressful situation.

Try to relax, maybe stay home, watch a little TV. Give me the pill! Give me the

pill! Now!

Just get this open here.

Damn it! Open!

Damn it! Son of a bitch! Open!

Funnel down.

Butt munch? Shut up!

Come on, open! Damn it, I'll kick your ass!

No! No!

I got it!

I got it!

Butt it! I think my arm's stuck! You need to relax, baby.

No, people on a couch.

Is this Friends?

Uh, no, it's a video.

It's like, whenever they want to show that a band is just like, you know, a

great bunch of guys, they make them all crowd onto a couch.

You know, that show Friends is stupid.

It's like, they're always saying stupid stuff, and, um, it's all intellectual

and something.

Dammit, Beavis, you're supposed to watch that show with the sound down and just

check out the chicks.

Yeah, but, um, I don't know, even the chick, like, that one chick is way too

skinny.

Her face looks like a scarecrow.

Yeah, but her last name is Cox.

You know,

I think you're right, Butt -Head. I think, um, there have been a lot of

you know, like with, um, where the whole band, you know, is on a couch.

Yeah.

You know, Butt -Head, um, Maybe you should get rid of this couch and, you

and get us some chairs to go sit in, you know.

Change of pace.

Hey, King Turd, go out and buy them yourself if you don't like this couch.

What did you call me?

I called you King Turd.

Because that's what you are.

That sounds kind of like a compliment, but it...

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