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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,279 --> 00:00:20,920 Your assignment this weekend, class, is to think of something that is a mystery 2 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:24,020 to you and see if you can solve it, okay? 3 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:28,680 Now let's use the last few minutes of class today to decide on your topic. 4 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:32,920 Oh, boy. 5 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:40,700 So have you guys decided on a mystery yet? 6 00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:42,140 Uh, no. 7 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,620 We're not going to do it. 8 00:00:43,820 --> 00:00:45,280 Yeah, yeah. It sounds too hard. 9 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,260 I just like to relax on the weekend, you know? 10 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,280 Come on, guys. This should be easy. 11 00:00:51,620 --> 00:00:54,980 There's mysterious things happening around us every day. 12 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,560 You know, some people have become rich and famous just by solving mysteries. 13 00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:04,150 For example, this morning, would there be anything that you didn't understand 14 00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,150 found interesting? 15 00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:07,450 He said morning wood. 16 00:01:08,970 --> 00:01:11,030 Morning wood. 17 00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:13,210 Hmm. 18 00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:17,590 It's kind of racy, but I have to agree, it is a bit of a mystery. 19 00:01:18,190 --> 00:01:22,370 Okay, I'll approve your idea about morning wood, but only if you take it 20 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:26,990 seriously, okay? And approach your topic from a scientific standpoint. 21 00:01:29,450 --> 00:01:35,010 Hey, Beavis, if we discover the mystery of Morning Wood, we will be famous the 22 00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:36,010 world over. 23 00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,010 Whoa, 24 00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:45,590 check it out. Someone's getting on a chair, buddy. 25 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:47,230 Maybe there's gonna be a hanging. 26 00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:51,470 Uh, it's just someone standing on a chair, Beavis. 27 00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:55,210 You automatically think someone's gonna hang himself? 28 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,050 Ah, yeah, I guess I'm just, uh... 29 00:01:58,460 --> 00:02:00,680 Whoa, I just saw a boob, Butthead. Check it out. 30 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,580 You always think you're seeing a boob like that. It was probably just an elbow 31 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:05,580 or something. 32 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,120 No way, Butthead. It was a boob. 33 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,720 Well, so what? You only thought for like a second or something. What's so great 34 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:12,720 about that? 35 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,940 Well, a second is better than nothing. 36 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,500 No, it isn't. It sucks. 37 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,860 Damn it, Butthead. Why do you always have to tear down everything good in my 38 00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:23,860 life? 39 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,880 Because your life sucks, Beavis. 40 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,120 Your life... 41 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,560 fucks and nobody likes you. 42 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,380 Really? I don't really give a crap. 43 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,600 You don't have any friends. 44 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,980 I have a little special friend. 45 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,100 Yeah, shut up, Viva. 46 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,760 Your special friend probably hates you, too. 47 00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:47,820 No way, butthead. You wish. 48 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,080 Ah, she's got blood in her eye. Oh, that's a freaky butthead. I don't want 49 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,120 watch this. Come on, change it. 50 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,740 Viva, you're a wuss. 51 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:57,709 Damn it. 52 00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:58,770 Someone should help her. 53 00:02:59,030 --> 00:03:02,650 They should just, like, stop having the video and just, like, go help her. 54 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:04,530 She's all beat up. 55 00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,990 I, like, feel all sorry for her and stuff. 56 00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,270 Kind of freaking me out. 57 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:21,890 Hey, guys, what's happening? 58 00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:25,980 Uh... We need some of your, like, scientific stuff. 59 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:27,059 Yeah, yeah. 60 00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,760 We're, like, doing a scientific experiment. 61 00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:31,760 And, um, we're gonna need to take some of your stuff. 62 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:34,140 Wow, cool. 63 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,560 What are you doing? 64 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,140 Um, we're gonna find out how come, like, you know, in the morning... Ow! 65 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,580 Shut up, dumbass. It's top secret. 66 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,140 Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. 67 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:48,100 Uh, we can't tell you, because, like, then we'd have to kill you. 68 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,530 But once we're, like, rich and famous... Then we'll kill you. I mean, I mean, 69 00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:54,010 tell you. Come on, Beavis. 70 00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:56,430 Let's get the stuff and get out of here. 71 00:03:58,650 --> 00:04:01,110 Well, um, what do you think makes it happen? 72 00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:03,530 Uh, I don't know. 73 00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:05,770 That's why we're doing this, dumbass. 74 00:04:06,770 --> 00:04:11,090 Um, because I was thinking, like, maybe there's, like, a morning wood fairy. You 75 00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,830 know, like the tooth fairy. 76 00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:15,870 Morning wood fairy? 77 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,649 You mean, like, with a magic wand or something? 78 00:04:22,159 --> 00:04:23,159 Damn it, 79 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,300 Beavis, quit screwing around. We've got scientific work to do. 80 00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:30,640 Besides, there's no such thing as fairies. 81 00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:33,060 Fairies are for dill holes. 82 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,440 Well, that fairy in Peter Pan had a pretty nice butt. 83 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,480 Gave me a boner. 84 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,280 Just think, Beavis. 85 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,740 By the time the sun comes up, we will have solved the mystery of Morning Wood. 86 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,520 We could rule the world. 87 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,520 Yeah, yeah. We're gonna be rich. 88 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,340 And get chicks, yeah. 89 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,920 Uh, are you sure we've got everything? 90 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:06,440 Um, yeah. We've got, like, Stuart's science stuff, and some, um, food, and, 91 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,440 some, um, stuff. 92 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,540 Uh, what's that? 93 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,740 Uh, what? Um, nothing. 94 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:14,900 Uh, come on. 95 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,260 Give me that, Beaver. No! 96 00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:20,570 Whoa, cool. 97 00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,130 Spank magazine. 98 00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:24,150 April. 99 00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:25,910 Cool. 100 00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:29,030 Check out page 63. 101 00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:37,430 Damn it, Beavis, this isn't scientific. 102 00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:40,130 It'll only give us artificial stiffies. 103 00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:43,410 Now we've got serious work to do. 104 00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:46,090 Whatever you do, don't fall asleep. 105 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,390 Okay, here we go. 106 00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:36,130 Chinese. I think that's that Connie Schlong chick that called the 107 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:37,390 mom a bitch on TV. 108 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,310 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 109 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:44,810 Uh, a cardboard box. 110 00:06:47,550 --> 00:06:53,030 But sex? 111 00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:04,160 That guy's wearing his mom's coat. 112 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,860 I think that's your mom's coat, Viva. 113 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,580 I think he's wearing it to show that he did her. 114 00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:12,380 Oh, yeah. 115 00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,380 What a slut. 116 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,060 Oh, look, they're all wearing them. 117 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,280 I have one of those coats in my closet right now. 118 00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:24,000 You know, you should go easy on my mom, okay? 119 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,140 Isn't she already easy enough? 120 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:28,700 Enough! 121 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,820 I'd like to talk about roller coasters for a minute. 122 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,560 Uh, okay, Beaver. 123 00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:41,480 You know, like, sometimes when you're on a roller coaster and it feels like your 124 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,360 nads are floating inside your sack? 125 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:44,920 Uh, yeah. 126 00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:48,220 Well, um, that gives me a special feeling. 127 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,820 I also get that on elevators sometimes. 128 00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:56,080 Uh, oh yeah, me too. I kind of get a special feeling in my butt cheeks when 129 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,080 elevator goes down. 130 00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:58,460 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 131 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,820 That looks kind of like Conan O 'Brien. 132 00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:09,439 Oh, yeah. 133 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:14,180 I heard he has a gigantic schlong. Uh, no, you're thinking of me, Beaver. 134 00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:17,420 No, I was thinking of me, actually. 135 00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:40,320 I had a dream about page 63. 136 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:42,620 Did you see anything? 137 00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:44,179 No. 138 00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:47,000 I had a dream I got a stiffy. 139 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:55,400 Maybe Morning Wood is supposed to be a mystery. It's like the secret is too 140 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,400 dangerous. 141 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,360 You know, it's like I'm just glad it happened. 142 00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:01,460 Yeah. 143 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,420 I never wanted to be a scientist anyway. 144 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:08,710 Science. Fucks. Yeah, not really. 145 00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:10,950 Let's go break something. 146 00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:12,690 Yeah. 147 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,570 Like, maybe later. 148 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:34,430 More than a feeling! 149 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,580 I woke up this morning, the sun was gone. 150 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,500 Oh my, then it slipped away! 151 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,420 That song's stupid. 152 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:58,940 Hey, get a haircut, hippie! 153 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,800 Yeah, this isn't the 60s, dill hole. 154 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,780 My uncle didn't go to Vietnam! 155 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:10,200 Just so you could walk around with long hippie boy hair with your shirt off. 156 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:11,700 Damn it. 157 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,840 Your uncle never went to Vietnam, Beavis. He was in jail. 158 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,840 I know, I know. That's what I said. 159 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:22,000 My uncle didn't go to Vietnam so you could have long hair. See? 160 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,480 That's what I meant. 161 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,360 You're a stupid, dumb bunghole, Beavis. 162 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,080 I am not. 163 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:36,120 Shut up. I think this is supposed to be like... Freaking us 164 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,760 out, but I'm on freak. 165 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,159 Yeah, yeah, really. 166 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,940 In fact, this video is, like, making me feel totally normal. 167 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,780 Yeah, yeah, I mean, this is, you know, just a normal video like you always see, 168 00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:50,620 really. Yeah, it's like, you know, if I turned on the TV and this was on, I'd 169 00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:54,000 just go like, yep, that's what I thought I was going to see. 11953