Original subtitles

Isn't that the same place that those other kids got killed two years ago?

Don't be crazy, Tina.

You act like you don't even want to get it on.

That dude with the mask is messed up.

Yeah, really.

He didn't even wait for that chick to take off her shirt.

Yeah.

It's like this could never happen in real life.

Damn it. That's like the tenth time tonight or something.

Maybe we should see what it is.

Trick or treat.

Who was that?

Just some dude passing out free samples.

Cool. Free samples rule.

You take my kid's candy and I kick your ass!

Happy Halloween!

Ween. Ooh,

a butt.

Yeah.

I like butt cheeks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, me too. We should hook up, yeah.

Whoa,

check it out.

making out with some chick on stage.

That's not a chick, dumbass.

That's just like a dummy or something.

Yeah, well, she may be dumb, but at least she's getting some.

Not a dummy like that, dill hole.

I'm talking about, you know, one of those big dolls or something.

Really?

That's cool.

We should try that.

You did try that, Beaver.

Remember when you tried to make out with that mannequin at Sears? Yeah.

And then they threw your ass out of there?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Then I had to go back in and get my pants.

What happened in Frankenstein? I can't remember.

There's, like, this dude with a big head, and he's a doctor.

And he, like...

invents a way to operate on dead people, but he uses lightning.

And then he, like, puts some screws into his head.

And then he's got this hunchbacked little sidekick that does everything he

Kind of like you.

Shut up, butthead.

That sucks that we're, like, too old to get candy. No way, Beavis. There

aren't any laws about Halloween.

Really? Cool.

Um, can I help you?

Uh, yeah, we need some candy.

Yeah, give us some of that. Come on.

Fellas, you're a little old for this, and I really think you ought to have

costumes.

Are you sure there's no laws, butthead?

Uh, let's switch sides, dude.

Come on, I mean it.

No costumes, no candy.

The fuck?

Yeah.

These sheets smell funny.

Yeah.

These are my special monkey sheets.

Ah, damn it, get it off me!

What? Check it out.

I'm going as a wolf.

She's only 17.

Woo!

You've got your head up your butt.

No way. Check it out. I'm a gnat.

Get it?

I'm a big old gnat.

You're a dumbass.

Whoa, I got it.

Hi, I'm a gnat.

Hi, I'm a gnat.

How's it going?

Can I have some candy, please?

I'm a gnat.

Whoa, cool.

What are you supposed to be?

Gaff.

Whoa.

I'm nachos.

We do them all the time.

Yeah. Well, chemo surveys, got something for you right over here.

Check it out. I'm nachos.

I'm a gnat. Get it?

Well, hi there, white ranger. There you go, young fella.

There you go, and one for you, too.

Happy Halloween.

And remember, Satan wears disguises, too.

Hey, you forgot our candy.

Boys, these pamphlets will make for some scary Halloween reading.

Uh, what?

You know, most boys your age don't go trick -or -treating. Yeah.

Some kids are stupid.

Yeah, really.

What a dumbass.

Damn son of a bitch.

Uh, hi, baby.

Yeah, hey, baby. I'm a gnat.

Oh, shoot, boys.

Stuart just left.

Uh, we don't want Stuart. We want some candy.

Now, come on. I'm saving that for the trick -or -treaters. Maybe you can catch

up with him. He's with his youth group.

Dammit, this is starting to piss me off.

Yeah, it's like I got all dressed up as a nad. It's like no one's giving me any

candy.

Um, hey. Hi, I'm a nad, and I need some candy for, like, poor people and stuff.

Well, Beavis, all I have are some organic walnut clusters and these My

Car's a Bike bumper stickers.

I'll take the sticker.

Yeah, me too.

Okay, guys, happy hunting.

Butthole.

Damn it.

We need to find, like, a stupid dude to give us some candy.

Whoa.

That's a good idea.

Now, what in the hell are you boys supposed to be?

I'm a gnat.

I'm a dumbass.

Check it out.

Can we just, like, have some candy?

Well,

now, hold on a minute.

Well, John Thomas, how long's it been?

That long, huh?

My, my.

Oh, sure, I got Dick's number.

Hold on a minute, I got to run down to Dick.

Well,

you don't say.

Yeah, I got some trick -or -treaters here.

Hey,

give me some, fuckmon.

No, wait!

Get out of here!

The hell down.

Tell you what,

why don't we go to another house, okay?

Yeah, this isn't a good one.

Well,

check it out. He has an eyeball in his mouth.

That would be cool if you had, like, an eyeball in your butt.

And then you could, like... Ah, shut up, butthead. You always say stuff like

that.

Leave us.

I'm gonna shove your eyeballs up your butt sideways if you ever tell me to

up again.

And the people are goons.

Eh.

These dudes look too old to be trick -or -treating.

Maybe these are like, you know how sometimes the kids' dads get dressed up

Yeah.

Dads.

Or dads.

Remember that time your mom had that Halloween party?

Oh, yeah.

Don't talk about that, Butthead.

Then we went into your mom's room, and that dude dressed up like Colonel

was in there.

He didn't have any pants on. Shut up, Butthead.

His drumstick.

Shut up, Butthead.

His drumstick.

This is boring.

Yeah, yeah.

All these people, I don't know, they're just like, they're starting to make me

mad.

Look, it's Batman.

Oh, yeah.

Anyways, um, oh, cool, cops.

Maybe we'll see some domestic disputes.

Or like some excessive force on some perpetrators.

It's about time somebody called a cop.

This video sucks.

Okay, John, good talking to you.

Now, where was I?

All right, I was going to give you boys some candy.

What in the hell?

Hey, hey, now, damn it, get the hell out of my house, boy.

Well, you're welcome, you damn ungrateful bastard.

Yeah, really.

That bastard didn't let me have any.

I'm the Great Pumpkin. Who are you supposed to be?

I am Cornholio. I need tippy for my bunghole.

You will give me all your caca.

I have no bunghole.

I am bungholio. Get the hell off my property, you son of a bitch.

No way, Stuart.

What if your mom finds out? She won't find out. Besides, this year I'm really

going to teepee some.

No!

Teepee! You must give me your teepee!

Gosh, Beavis, you scared me.

Take your treat, son of a bitch!

Come on, Beavis, I know it's you.

See, I'm dope.

Give me your teepee!

Okay, okay, take it easy.

I will not be safe from the almighty bunghole.

I am born for you.

Dammit, Beavis, come back here with that bag. You owe me, bungwife.

Ah, Rolio.

Rolio's for my bunghole.

Hey,

man, move your ass out of the street.

Are you threatening me?

What did you say, punk?

Do not underestimate the power of the almighty bunghole.

This is messed up, man.

Oh, you think this is funny?

Uh, yeah.

Like, uh, can I come with you guys?

That still kicks them out.

Yeah, okay.

Let's take this little turd out into the country.

mighty bunghole.

backyard sure is spooky.

He likes the great bunghole.

Did you hear something, Dad?

Oh, God. I'm frightened.

Come on. It's just the wind.

Or a ghost.

I am Cornholio. Daddy. Guardian of the great bunghole.

Honey, let's go.

You must give me your candy. I need Rolios for my bunghole.

They have no bunghole.

The Almighty Bunghoo?

Lead me to the Almighty Bunghoo!

Go get in that barn, boy.

Do you have candy? Do you have teepee? Oh, yeah.

I got lots of goodies in the barn.

Take a look -see.

In this barn, there will be teepee.

Uh -oh.

Horrible.

You know, I kind of feel sorry for these guys, you know, because I'm...

I think it's probably not their fault that they suck so much.

Uh, yeah it is.

Uh,

wow.

This might be the worst crap I've ever seen in my life.

You know, um, this guy kind of looks like, um, he kind of looks like that

on Sesame Street, the Count.

Yeah.

It's like... Oh,

boy.

This is really sad.

It's probably like, you know, he has kids and stuff.

He's like, okay, kids, I gotta put on my makeup and go do another show.

Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, it's too bad really.

Gotta be cool.

Oh, yeah.

This is how I'm gonna get messy.