Original subtitles

Dammit.

There's gotta be a better way to get chicks.

Yeah. If I...

I really thought this one was gonna work this time. Yeah.

Hey, Beavis. Let's check out the bathroom. Sometimes they have good

the walls.

Whoa.

Check it out.

Spanish fly.

Whoa. That's that stuff that makes chicks horny. It makes chicks horny?

Cool. Let's get some. Yeah.

Uh, okay.

Hey, Beavis. Now we can, like, have any chick we want.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna roll.

We're gonna score.

How come that guitar is in the hospital?

I don't know.

Okay.

Okay, you don't have to say anything.

Um, hey. I asked you a question, but, um... But, you know, that's okay.

This looks like that movie, uh... One Flew in the Cuckoo's Nest.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's that movie with all those dudes in taxi.

Only they're retarded.

Uh...

You know, I think you're not supposed to call him retarded.

You're supposed to call him, uh, like, mentally superior or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Remember that big Indian dude in that movie?

Mm -hmm. He was cool.

And then he couldn't talk unless he was talking about gum?

Yeah.

Uh, you know, I think you're not supposed to say Indian either.

No way, really?

Yeah. I think you're supposed to call him African -American.

This reminds me of that joke. It's like the guy goes to the psychiatrist and he

says, Doctor, my wife thinks she's a chicken.

And the doctor says, Well, then why don't you choke her?

That's pretty funny.

Ah, boy.

Hey, Beavis.

If you, like, abstract a chick, then I can, like, stick it in her taco.

No way, butthead. We have to, like, give her the Spanish fly first.

What the hell do you think I'm talking about, butt plug?

Uh, hey. Yeah, like, um, how's it going?

Is there even one reason I should acknowledge your presence?

Um, well,

um, what?

Uh, you look pretty hungry.

Actually, I suddenly lost my appetite.

Uh, no you didn't. I mean, uh, you shouldn't, like, waste food and stuff.

Uh, because there's, like, starving people in, uh, Indiana or something.

Yeah, yeah. For pennies a day, we can end the suffering.

I'll catch you later.

Uh, hmm.

Uh, okay.

Check this out.

So, like, that milk looks pretty good.

I bet it's, like, very refreshing and stuff.

Drink it! Drink it! Come on!

What the hell are you talking about? It's not even mine.

Uh -oh. Oh, no.

Let's get out of here.

Yeah.

I think it's time for class or something.

Uh -oh.

Check it out, butthead. That's him.

Oh, no.

He's getting naked.

Yeah, yeah.

That Spanish fly stuff must be working.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Uh, I'm like sick and stuff.

Like, I wouldn't want you to get too close.

Yeah, me too.

Ah,

don't touch me!

What did you say? Man, you guys are really starting to piss me off.

Whoa, he's really horny.

Beavis and Butthead!

Why in the hell aren't you undressed yet?

Uh, because a man wants to have sex with us? Shut up and get in the gym now!

The sport of wrestling represents competition in its purest form. Man

man.

Now, Tommy, since you're about the only student in this class with a physique

that doesn't make my colon clench, I want you to choose an opponent.

I choose this little punk.

Wait a minute.

No way. Damn it, Beavis. You have been challenged.

Now get down on all fours.

No. No.

What is this?

I don't really care.

Look at all these people just lying around like a bunch of lazy slobs.

Really, they need to get up and get a job.

Yeah. Damn it.

Did you know that in California, any chick will do it with you?

Really?

You mean like all the girls are slut?

Yep.

Whoa, now that is cool.

Yeah, yeah, let's go.

You know another thing about California?

It's like all the dudes there look like Kato Kaelin.

You know, I mean, he seems like a great guy, you know?

Yeah.

That's how come, like, you know, everyone just lets him live at their

know, like O .J. Simpson.

He goes, you know, you're a great guy.

Why don't you come on over and stay a while?

Yeah, I'd let him crash here, you know, because he seems like such a great guy.

Yeah.

What a great guy.

Except he kind of looks like the ass end of a dolphin.

Yeah, he does, sort of.

But that's okay.

Because he's cool.

Tommy,

Mount Beavis, now!

Help! He's got a boner! Ah! Get off me, Spartan!

Ah!

Help! He's trying to do it with me! Ah! Cut it out! Kick him in the nads,

Beavis.

Whoa.

That was cool.

Beavis! Get back here!

Hurry up, butthead.

Let's get out of here before he tries to screw us all.

That stuff really works.

What is that?

It's a hoe.

Yeah, I know, but what's that thing she's dragging behind her?

Why is that funny?

Because, Beaver.

You thought when I said a hoe that I was talking about the chick, but I was

talking about the hoe.

Okay, but why is that funny?

Damn it, Beaver.

Because, like, when a word means two things like that, it's pretty funny.

I'll be damned.

I didn't know that.

You know, it's like choking your chicken.

Could be like, you know, if you had a pet chicken and you were like choking

Or it could mean, you know, like you're choking your chicken.

Now that's funny.

Choking your chicken.

That's pretty funny.

I get that one.

Okay, okay.

I got one.

Masturbating.

That doesn't work, Beaver. It does.

I do it all the time.

Let's check

out small nostrils.

Yeah, well, I'm...

I think anybody's nostrils would look small to you, butthead.

You look like a cow.

Well, I may have big nostrils, but you know what that means.

It means you have lots of loogies.

Okay, Viva.

You'll be thinking about loogies, and I'll be slapping around my gigantic

schlong.

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