Original subtitles

Remember, sexual harassment can be defined as any sexual interaction, be it

verbal or physical, that makes its victims uncomfortable or makes it

for them to work.

Now, I don't want to mention any names, but it seems that some of you could use

a little sensitivity training on this issue, okay?

Does everyone understand what I'm trying to say here?

Beavis? Butthead? Uh, sort of. Because, like, right now...

I'm being, you know, sexually harassed by Kimberly.

What? Yeah, me too.

She's giving me a stiffy. Yeah, and it makes it, like, uncomfortable for me to

work and stuff.

She usually harasses me at least once a day.

Four or five times a day for me, sir.

Mr. Van Driessen, do I have to sit near these guys?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Love frightens, baby.

Mr. Van Driessen, make them stop.

Guys, that's just the kind of thing I'm talking about.

See, right now, you two are harassing Kimberly.

No way.

Sex can't get stiffies.

Come on, guys. This is serious.

In the real world, people go to court and sue for millions of dollars over

kind of harassment.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah.

Millions of dollars?

That's gonna be cool.

Hey,

that's that kid from that Losing My Religion video.

Yeah, but I thought he got shot with an arrow or something.

Yeah. To be there

in velvet.

Yeah, to give them a smile.

It's good to get high.

It's good to get high?

What kind of message is that, son?

Hey, buddy, did you see that guy? He had, like, mirrors all over himself.

Yeah.

That would be cool if you had mirrors all over your clothes like that. Because

then, like, you could use them to see your own taint.

That would be cool.

I don't want to see my taint. That's stupid.

You see, I'm always thinking.

Whoa,

check it out. Butt -headed Velvet Jones.

Oh, yeah.

He's cool.

Hi, I'm Veva Jones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hi, I'm Veva Jones.

This is my book, How to Be a Ho.

It's about time they put him in a video.

He put it. How come Tom Petty is famous?

Because he's on TV, dumbass.

Yeah, but how did he get on TV?

Because he's famous.

Oh, man.

Yeah, but, I mean, like, how did he get famous?

He got famous because he's on TV.

Yeah, yeah, but how did he get on TV?

Because he's famous, Beavis. Now shut up before I smack the bejesus out of you.

Oh, yeah.

And what would be the basis of this sexual harassment suit?

Uh, she keeps harassing us by, you know, giving us stiffies. Yeah, yeah, like on

me. Like, just yesterday, when she was writing something, I could, like, lean

over and, like, I could check out part of her boobs. I see.

Uh, tell me, is the young lady in question, uh, well off financially by

Uh, I don't know. She never talks to us because, like, she's one of those rich

chicks. Yeah.

Gentlemen. This is exactly the type of reverse sexual harassment case in which

the Constitution of the United States of America is being thrown right out the

window. Cool. Yeah, throw it out the window.

Boys, we are going to sue the girl.

We are going to sue the teacher, we are going to sue the school system, and we

are going to sue the girl's parents.

Whoa, that rules.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And furthermore, we are going to put a restraining order on that girl, making

illegal for her to come within 100 feet of you boys.

Uh, that would suck.

Yeah, I need her to be a little closer than that.

So, uh, we're not going to have to, like, go to court, are we?

Gentlemen.

I believe we can win this case without even going to court.

Order. Order.

Counselor Adler, you may begin your opening statement.

Your Honor, I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my clients are the

victims of a cruel campaign of sexual harassment.

Imagine yourself, a student in school, losing your one chance at a decent

education because some young woman of questionable morals, some vile

repeatedly arouses you to the point where you... I didn't do it! I didn't do

Of course you didn't. It's obvious that the guilty party here is that young lady

right over there. Objection!

Overruled! Disdained. Watch it, counselor.

Now, I know this is difficult, but tell me, if you can, about the pain that

Kimberly has caused you.

Uh, well, it's like, you know, she's a chick.

And how would you describe this chick?

A hot chick.

Yes? Well, she's always like...

harassing us by being so hot every day? Oh, yeah. And it's hard to concentrate

and stuff?

Hard.

She's doing it again.

She's doing it right now. What is she doing?

She's giving me a stiffy. Giving you a what?

You know.

He has an erection.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all her fault.

Order.

Order.

Shut up.

You. You and you, in my chambers, now.

Whoa, they're cracking concrete.

You said crack.

Well,

I guess I'll just do this for a while.

Whoa! They're rolling around in a pool of feces!

Oh, yeah. Cool.

I think this video is like a tribute to turds.

Yeah, it's about time.

I've been meaning to do a tribute to my own turds.

It's called...

Poop, a retrospective.

You know who I'd like to see roll around in a bunch of feces?

Hootie and the Blowfish.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that would be cool.

With a little love and a little tenderness.

Yeah.

That would rule.

And I think it would really go with the music really well, too.

Your Honor, my client's constitutional rights are being trampled by this closed

-door session. If we aren't returned to the courtroom immediately, we are going

to sue you.

We are going to sue the state. Mr. Adler, have you ever been jailed for

of court?

Uh... I believe that was among the charges, yes.

Well, that was a picnic compared to what'll happen to you if you don't shut

right now.

As for you two, in all my years on the bench, I have never seen such a cynical,

manipulative, and ultimately pathetic attempt to subvert the judicial system.

Two sexist ignoramuses such as yourselves have no business tying up...

a minute.

Now you're harassing us.

Yeah, yeah.

Beaver cool.

Yeah.

Oh,

check it out. It's Jon Stewart.

Yeah.

He's horny.

He's the horniest talk show dude on TV. Yeah, but I'm like...

He shouldn't try to be in a band like this. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's okay,

but, you know, it's like, you know, nothing special, you know. Like, he

just do his show, you know. Yeah, but you know what he should do?

He should just, like, get rid of all that other stuff on his show and just

the whole show be like, you know, him trying to pick up on a chick.

Yeah, yeah, it's like they bring out a girl with big hooters.

Maybe like this one right here.

And then, um, he just sits there and tries to score. Now, that would be cool.

Yeah.

That would rule.

Damn it. I wish they'd show those bees again.

Bees kick ass.

Yeah.

Bees rule.

Yeah, I'd like to see a little more fat, too. Yeah.

That's the best part, you know. It's like whenever I'm eating some meat, I

like... Eat all the fat and just leave the rest.

Yeah.

I like to make a fat sandwich sometimes.

Oh, yeah, a little mayonnaise, a little salt.

Roll.

Cool.

Look what she's doing.

I do that sometimes, too. It, like, helps me fall asleep.

You mean because it, like, tires you out or something?

No, not really, no. It's like...

I just spin around until I get really dizzy.

Then I like to fall down and bang my head on something.

I just go to sleep.

Works every time.

You're pretty cool sometimes, Beavis.

I know.

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