Original subtitles

Now we turn to a very special Baywatch.

Oh, no!

Mitch is drowning!

But all I have on is... this white t -shirt.

We interrupt this program with a special news bulletin. Dammit, Beavis, that's

the last time I let you touch the remote. Give me that. No way, I didn't

it. Domestic violence reared its ugly head today in the town.

Dammit, Beavis, give me the remote.

No way.

A shocking murder has taken place.

We now cut live to the scene. Mike? Thanks, Don.

That's right, I am live, but I'm also about the only thing live here.

A man has allegedly killed his brother, right here.

and this apartment behind me.

Apparently, the older of the two brothers had a history of abusing his

sibling, and authorities are speculating that the younger brother finally

resorted to murder to put an end to his years of torment.

Police are asking this normally quiet community for their cooperation, asking

citizens to stay away from the grisly scene and avoid the urge to come and see

things for themselves.

Hey, Beavis, I know where that is. Really?

We should go check it out.

Yeah.

That's a good idea.

Thank you very much.

Uh,

violence? All right, yeah, yeah. I like when they tell you beforehand that

there's going to be some violence.

So you can make sure you don't, like, go to the bathroom or anything? Yeah.

Check it out.

Hole. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Who are these guys, buddy?

Uh, this is Hole, Beavis. What did you think I was talking about?

Oh, I thought you were talking about her bunghole.

You dumbass.

So, like, the sign at the beginning of the video said violence, and the band's

name is Hole, and we aren't seeing any violence or any hole.

Yeah, really, that sucks.

Yeah. They need to, like, show a big violent butthole. I'll show you my

if you want.

Ow!

You know, I heard this whole chick is a slut.

Really? Yeah, I think it'd be cool if we got together, you know? We could, like,

spaz out and stuff, and then we could, like, do it.

Viva, the only way you could score with a chick is if she was, like, the biggest

slut in the world.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

You know who Hole looks like in this video?

She looks like that Tori Spelling chick.

Yeah, but Hole looks a lot hotter than Tori Spelling.

What kind of a name is Hole, anyway?

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to name your daughter Hole, at least name her,

like, Bunghole or something.

It could be like, you know, that joke where the father names her after the

thing he sees when she's born.

Yeah, but then why would he, um... Oh, yeah.

Hey, Butt -head, where are we going again?

Beavis, do I have to smack you upside the head and beat some sense into you?

We're going to check out that place where that guy killed his brother,

Oh, yeah.

It was your idea in the first place, Butt -knocker. Hey, don't call me Butt

-knocker, Butt -head. I'm serious.

So, uh, I wonder why that dude killed his brother.

Yeah, he must have been really pissed.

That's no excuse, Beavis.

I bet his brother probably, like, stole his woman or his nachos or something.

Yep, probably.

Maybe he killed him with his butt.

Yeah. Or maybe he killed him with a turd.

That's really stupid, Beavis.

Butt knocker. Dammit, butthead, stop calling me butt knocker!

Here it is, dude.

Looks just like it did on TV.

Yeah.

This is stupid.

What the hell is this doing here? This isn't going to keep anybody out.

It isn't?

Oh, yeah.

Turn on the light, butt -knocker. I can't see anything.

Stop calling me butt -knocker. Beavis, you butt -munch. Turn on the light

I kick your ass.

Okay, that's better.

This is cool.

So, uh, where do you think he killed him?

Hmm, let's see.

It looks like he fell.

I'd have to say he died right about here.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa, hey, check out this thing.

I bet he hit him with this.

Don't be stupid, Beavis.

That's for, like, changing tires and stuff.

Whoa, hey, I got the remote. Let's see what's on TV.

Beavis, I told you I wasn't going to let you touch the remote anymore.

Now give me that, butt -knocker. No way, and stop calling me butt -knocker. Give

it here before I kick your butt -knockering ass. Stop calling me that,

-head. Stop it.

Butt -knocker.

Shut up, butt -head. Shut up.

I'm gonna kill you, but I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you.

You and what other butt -knocker? Shut up, butt -knocker. Butt -knocker. Shut

up. Butt -knocker. I'm gonna kill you, but I'll kill you.

Check it out. That looks like that jungle ride.

Oh, yeah.

That's so stupid.

Oh, yeah. You get in there, and there's that guy with that, like, safari hat on

and stuff.

Yeah. When I used to go on that thing, I used to just, like, jump off the boat

and just, like, wade around the water, and then, like, go off in the bushes and

just sit there by myself.

Yeah.

And then I'd stand up and pull down my pants and go, boop -a -boo!

You know what another cool ride to jump off of is?

Is the haunted house.

I used to, like, go in there, and then I'd, like, jump off the car, and then

go over by the witches, and wait till the next car comes, and I'd put a broom

my butt, and go... Beavis, witches don't put brooms up their butt. They put them

between their legs.

Really? I wish someone had told me that before I ruptured my sphincter.

I have a splinter in my bunghole the size of a pencil.

Uh, you're just joking, right, Beavis?

Um, hey. No.

Hey,

how's it going?

You know, your friend Beavis' fingerprints are all over everything.

And it's making things kind of hard on us.

With your help, we can book this kid, Beavis, and keep the press off our

Yeah, really.

I know where you're coming from, man.

Yeah.

It's like... It's like sometimes Butt -Head just like... It's like he keeps

calling me Butt -Knocker. And he won't stop. And he pisses me off. And I tell

him to stop, and he won't stop. He just keeps calling me Butt -Knocker. And then

he won't give me the remote.

And... Okay.

Follow me, girls.

So you're sure that's him?

Yes, officer.

That's the butt -knocker, right in the middle.

You know, he threatened to kill you. That's pretty serious stuff.

Would you be willing to press charges?

Press what?

Charges, you know. You fill out a form that explains everything that happened.

I don't want to fill out forms and stuff.

Are you sure?

Because if you don't, we'll have to let him go without any kind of punishment.

That's okay, dude.

I'll just kick his ass later.

All right.

Let him go.

What, knocker?

Whoa, look at that shoe.

Look, high heel.

Yeah.

That must mean there's a chick.

Yeah. Orton Rudgren.

Who?

Um, hey, Todd Rundgren?

Who the hell is he, Beaver? You don't know who Todd Rundgren is?

Uh, no.

And you don't either.

Uh,

he's drinking.

I can hardly wait till I get older and, like, get a job and stuff so I can

drink. Yeah.

I plan on doing some... Smoking, too.

Hey,

that's that street where Madonna wanted to have her baby.

So what?

Well, then you think of something to say, bunghole.

At least I'm trying.

Okay, I will think of something to say.

Shlong. Poop.

Anything better than that.

Whoa. Check it out. She must have been drinking milk.

Yeah.

And her boobs got bigger, too.

Well,

hey, that just gave me an idea. You know what would be cool? If they could,

like, make me big, and then they could shrink me again but keep my wiener the

same size.

That would rule.

Hey, because then they'd have this gigantic schlong.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, but, like, if they could really do that, then you could just have them

just make your wiener bigger.

No, no, no, but I'm saying they'd make me bigger because then my wiener would

get bigger, but then they'd shrink me and keep my wiener the same size.

Damn it, Siva. What are you talking about? Who are they?

And who cares anyway? Just shut up.

Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea.

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