Original subtitles

Give me a pack of menthol 100s and a lottery ticket.

Hey, Beavis.

There's a check.

Yeah. Go talk to her, buddy. Come on.

You can have this one, dude.

I'm going to wait for something better.

Yeah. I think she wants me anyways.

Go talk to her.

Okay.

Yeah.

Talk to her.

Yeah, I should do that, huh? Yeah, that would be cool.

We're gonna score.

Shana, would you hurry up and get your funky butt out of the bed? Oh, did you

hear that? She just called her monkey butt. Yeah.

That was pretty cool.

I'm getting kind of sick of Janet Jackson.

Yeah.

She always has a bunch of chicks sitting around talking before the video.

That's a pretty nice hotel.

Yeah. When you're, like, rich and famous, you can stay in those really

hotels where they have, like, adult videos and hourly rates and stuff like

How come hotels have hourly rates anyway?

Because, dumbass, it only takes, like, an hour to do it. Wow.

A whole hour?

A whole whore.

A whole whore.

You can get on the phone and be like, uh, room service?

I'd like, uh, some bacon and a couple cokes and a bunch of whores.

Yeah, yeah.

And a side order of poop.

Uh, what did you say, Beaver? I was just saying, um, and a side order of poop.

You know.

Oh, boy.

You just sent my boner into the ground.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool.

To go with the horror, you know.

Shut up, Leva.

Excuse me.

Are those bunghole boys you're wearing?

Yes.

Bunghole boys.

You want this?

Can you handle this?

Could you handle this, Beavis?

Yes.

If I can handle this, I can probably handle that.

What are you doing, Beavis? I'm doing my monkey boy.

Damn it, Beavis. Get down.

I am getting down.

Rat -a -tat -tat, badass.

Hey,

you boneheads.

You come in here every Friday night. You stand there for six hours scaring off

my customers.

And all you ever buy is one damn soda.

Uh, yeah?

You little turds will never get near a woman. Now finish your sodas and get

Uh, maybe that guy is right, Beavis.

Yeah, we probably should buy something else, like something to eat.

Uh, how much money you got?

Ah, never in a damn dime.

Hello?

Hey!

We want, like, some service or something.

We want some service, dammit!

Is

anyone

gonna ring us up? What's going on?

Don't worry, dude. I know how to work one of these.

Check this out.

Evening, ladies.

Will that be all for you?

Come on, butthead, I was here first.

Dammit, Beavis, can't you see I'm working?

Well, uh, would you like anything else with that, ladies?

What in the hell?

Police, this is Maxi Mark. I got a robbery in progress.

Armed? Aren't all kids armed?

Okay, where are you now? I'm in the back room.

Okay, well, just stay there. We'll send some men right over.

I got him now.

Uh, let's see.

Damn it, I've done this before at Burger World.

Uh,

I'll be with you ladies in a minute.

I was first, you know.

But you can go.

That's the kind of guy I am.

Attention!

We have the place surrounded.

Whoa. Check it out.

Maybe they're gonna, like, shoot someone.

Cool.

Steady. Steady, boys.

I don't want a lot of bloodshed.

I'll get it.

Uh, hello?

Maxi Mart, may I help you?

Listen, this is Police Captain Finnelli. We don't want anyone to get hurt.

You tell us your demands and we'll work this thing out together.

Hello?

Just tell us what you want. Anything.

Really?

Hey, Beavis. He says we can have anything we want.

And he's a cop.

Get nachos. Get some nachos.

Uh, could we have some nachos?

Nachos? Uh, okay.

That would be cool.

And, uh, like, uh, some burritos and corn nuts.

Yeah, yeah, and some string cheese.

Yeah.

Uh, can we, like, give some stuff to these two chicks?

Would you care for a wiener?

Where the hell are the cops? What are they waiting for?

You sons of bitches, get out of my store!

I got a gun back there. You come in here again, I'm gonna use it.

Freeze!

Hey,

Butt -head, how are you singing? Shut up, Beavis. Oh, my God.

You may be about to see the coolest video you have ever seen in your life.

Now, Beavis?

Uh... Beavis?

Uh... Beavis?

This guy's probably just like a stuntman or something.

I bet he's not even in the band, huh?

Like, what's this song supposed to be about, anyway?

Whoa.

Look at that dude back there.

Beavis?

Beavis? Are you there?

Beavis, what's your problem?

Beavis, it's not even real. It's just, like, specially packed.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

This is cool.

This is a damn good video.

It's like... Beavis, are you going to say anything?

No.

Damn it, Beavis. Snap out of it.

Dumbass.

I'm going to change the channel. Butthead, I'm only going to tell you

If you touch that remote, I'm going to kick your ass. Yeah, right.

Damn it, Beaver. Nap out of it right now.

Oh, what happened? Where am I?

You're right here, Beaver.

What's your problem?

Oh, I just, like, blacked out or something. What's going on?

We just saw a dude running around on fire.

No way, really? And I missed it?

Uh, no, you saw the whole thing, dumbass.

Wow.

I don't know. I wasn't here.

My nails!

Captain, they're clean.

No guns?

Uh, that guy inside, like, threatened us with a gun.

Really? Yeah, he said he was gonna shoot us.

I thought this whole thing started.

Well, I think we've been had, boys.

Let's go in and get them.

Wait,

what are you doing?

Well,

you boys made it through a rough ordeal and you managed to keep your cool.

You should be proud.

Yeah.

We're pretty cool.

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