Original subtitles

Class, I'm extremely happy to announce that today is Highland High's Career

Now, this is a wonderful opportunity for you guys.

This will give you a chance to interface with working professionals and learn

about their exciting and rewarding job field.

Uh,

is this, like, going to be on a test or something?

This is a life test, butthead. And please raise your hand if you have a

question. And as an incentive, everyone will be excused from one day of school

in order to observe their vocation of choice.

Cool. Yeah.

Vacations kick ass. They kick ass. Yeah. Kick ass. Yeah.

Check this out, buddy.

You could be saving money on long -distance calls to family and friends.

Yeah. They keep talking about big savings, but I just don't see it.

Oh, no.

Oh, boy.

How did this ever happen?

Yeah, really.

This is like just a bunch of bungholes.

Yeah, because, whoa, that's that Brenda bitch from Beverly Hills,

902355781234567898265. 210.

Leave us next time you're talking about that show.

Just say Beverly Hills and forget about the numbers, okay?

Oh, okay.

But, like, why the hell is she hanging out with these wussies?

Yeah, I thought that, like, if you're a bitch, that you'd, like, be into, like,

something more hardcore.

I think sometimes if you're a bitch, it's like you listen to crap like this.

Yeah, maybe it's like she doesn't even like it, but she just, like, plays this

stuff just to piss people off because she's a bitch.

Yeah.

Bitches are cool.

Bitches are cool.

Hey, this guy looks familiar.

Well, that's that guy. Remember when we saw those naked movies that your uncle

saw? That's the guy that was in them, right there.

How do you know, Beavis?

I recognize him. That's him. That's the guy that was in those naked movies,

remember? And like, he had a schlong and he was like, you know, like doing

the... You were looking at that guy's face when there was all that porn action

going on?

Well, you were probably looking at a wiener, dumbass.

No, I wasn't.

I was looking like... Around his wiener.

So, like, I guess he's, like, in a band or something?

No. This band probably just, like, keeps him around because he can get chicks.

Yeah.

How come that guy gets to be in naked movies?

He's just, like, a big, fat, ugly slob.

Yeah.

Well, you're almost there, Beavis. All you need to do is just, like, get fat.

Really? How do I get big and fat?

Uh, I don't know.

I'm getting sick and tired of dudes who sing like this.

Yeah, it's like, it's like, almost every damn video you see has, like, some guy

singing like this. Yeah.

It's like he's trying to be alternative.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, something like that, yeah. And it sucks.

Flea markets are... Cool.

Say, boys, interested in the printed page?

Uh, you got anything with naked chicks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With big hooters.

Uh, no. We do mostly educational and technical manuals. Who's gonna buy that

crap? Yeah, really.

Beavis, Butthead, you're supposed to be exploring career opportunities.

These jobs are stupid.

Yeah. Everyone, like, works in a booth.

These people don't work in booths. They're here to answer questions and

plan your future.

Your life after graduation?

Well, if you guys don't pick a career, Van Driesen won't let you skip a day of

school next week.

Uh, skip school?

Uh,

we, like, need a career or something.

Help us get out of school.

You fellas think you've got what it takes for security work?

Do we get to kick some ass?

Yeah. Do we get taters and tear gas?

Hell no.

I work at the mall.

Video surveillance.

Basically, they pay me to watch TV all day.

Whoa.

Cool. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, buddy. We can do that.

Yeah.

This is gonna be cool.

Okay, fellas, very simple. All you have to do is watch these screens.

Cool. Hey, where's the remote?

Hey, millow out!

If you spot any unusual activity, you come and get me immediately.

I gotta go secure the food court.

Uh, okay, dude.

Yeah, okay, we got it under control.

These shows suck.

Yeah, change it to something cool.

I'm trying.

There's nothing good on.

These channels all suck.

Yeah.

Really. Let's go out and bust somebody or something.

Yeah.

Let's secure them all.

Hey, buddy.

People respect the badge.

Yeah.

Because it, like, gives us permission to kick their ass and stuff.

Chicks like a man in a uniform.

Yeah.

Check this out.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

Yes? I'm like security.

I'm like, I'm gonna have to ask you to, you know, assume the position.

Assume. If you lay a hand on me, I'll sue your ass.

Whoa.

Hey, butt -head, let's look for some crimes or something.

Yeah.

Uh, excuse me, sir, did you pay for that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you just cooperate, it'll make it a lot easier on both of us, okay?

Uh,

excuse me, ma 'am.

Who, me?

Could you step over here for a minute, please?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we'd just like to talk to you for a minute, please. Could you step over

here?

This is gonna be cool.

Whoa, check it out, butthead. It's an outie. That's not an outie, Beavis.

There's two of them. See at the nipples.

Those aren't nipples, butthead. Look how low they are.

No way, Beavis. That's just because she doesn't have any legs or a butt.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Besides, nipples can be low.

Just look at your mom.

I guess they are nipples.

Whoa, check out that black dude.

Yeah.

He's going to save the day.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Check it out. He's shaking his head.

Wake up. Wake up, Ponzi.

Yeah.

That dude's like Fang.

Damn it. Quit messing with my head and go get my leg.

Yeah.

Check it out, buddy.

A flot.

Yeah.

Your mother's a flot.

I'm not a mother.

That's a bee.

Well, that dude's got a pet bee.

That's pretty cool, yeah.

I had a bee that I teached it to go sting people.

Take him, boy. Take him. Take him in the bus. Go.

Yeah.

Okay, good night, little dude. See you tomorrow.

Oh, what the hell are those punks doing?

Uh, did you pay for that, ma 'am?

Yeah. Can I see your receipt, please?

Yeah, can I see your slip?

Excuse me?

Uh, can we, like, frisk you?

Yeah, yeah, me too. I don't think so.

What are you doing away from your post?

Let me handle this.

Did you, uh, purchase that, ma 'am?

Yes, I did.

I apologize, ma 'am. I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

It looks like a full cavity search.

White trash, rent -a -cop, piece of...

You're

pretty cool.

Is this one of those sneaker ads where, like, those basketball players sit

around in a barbershop?

Uh, yeah.

Only it's, like, a bunch of white guys.

And white music.

Yeah. It's butt -white music.

Hey, where'd that cat come from?

Uh, I think it came out of the nose.

Oh, man.

Is that supposed to be funny?

Uh, it's supposed to be.

It would have been funny if it came out of his butt.

Why is that? I mean, how come, like, if it comes out of his nose, it's not that

funny, but, like, if it comes out of his butt, it's funny?

Why is that?

Well, it's because, like, your butt has a crack in it.

Oh, yeah.

What a wuss.

I hate it when you go to the barber, and it's like, he starts cutting your hair,

and then he goes, so, how's school?

Yeah.

I usually say, it sucks.

Now shut up and cut my hair before I stick that comb up your butt.

You know, butthead, maybe that's why you get all those fucky haircuts, you know?

Maybe you should try being a little nicer.

I'm going to shove a comb up your butt.

My hair looks cool.

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