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1
00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:13,620
We'll return to Moby Dick right after
these messages.
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A hundred dollars a day.
3
00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,089
Think of all the people we could help
with that money.
4
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What?
5
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,540
Oh, yeah.
6
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Ourself.
7
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,780
Money, money, money.
8
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:52,059
I don't want to look at some dude's
butt.
9
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,560
Change it, buddy. Come on, Viva.
10
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,260
This song kind of rocks.
11
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Besides, later on...
12
00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:59,520
They show a dog mad.
13
00:00:59,521 --> 00:01:01,299
Oh, yeah.
14
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:02,620
I'll stick around for that.
15
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:12,100
Damn it. I'm sick of seeing water in
videos.
16
00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:16,520
Yeah, but this water is cool because
it's, like, over by the power plant.
17
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Oh, yeah, yeah. Remember when we went
swimming by the power plant and it's,
18
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like, all warm and stuff?
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That was cool. No, it wasn't. Your turds
were all orange for a month. And you
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00:01:26,050 --> 00:01:28,010
got those big blisters on your nads.
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I know. That's what I'm saying. We're
cool.
22
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Flies in the Vaseline?
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That's pretty cool.
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Yeah. Remember when we put that fly in
gasoline?
25
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Oh, cool.
26
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:49,810
He didn't say gasoline, buddy. He said
Vaseline.
27
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I think that's like something different.
28
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I know that, you dumbass.
29
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:57,240
Dammit, Davis, you always ruin
everything.
30
00:01:57,410 --> 00:02:00,930
No, I don't. I just was saying, you
know, you talk about Vaseline. Well,
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look, it's a dog nap.
32
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Is that what you were talking about?
33
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Uh, yeah, I think that was it.
34
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,300
That was cool.
35
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,650
What I personally like about
telemarketing is the give and take.
36
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:20,310
You give them a call, and then you take
their money.
37
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Okay.
38
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,780
All right, well, boys, you have the
right instinct.
39
00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:30,839
You see, selling magazines is serious
business. If we spend too much time
40
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laughing on the job, well, we won't stay
number one.
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Number one.
42
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Let's get on with your training.
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Now, the more people we call, the more
magazines we can... Do you have any,
44
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like, adult magazines?
45
00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:55,790
Yeah, yeah. Like National Geographic.
46
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You dumbass.
47
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Sometimes they show boob.
48
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Let's get right down to it.
49
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:03,550
Now, these are your scripts, boys.
50
00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:06,490
When you call a customer, don't try to
get creative.
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00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:11,719
Simply follow what's on this card. The
key is to keep talking so the customer
52
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:18,259
never has an opportunity to say no.
Okay, now you try it. Uh, hello,
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cut summer's name.
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00:03:22,540 --> 00:03:28,620
This is say your name, cowling. No,
stupid. Say your name.
55
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,280
Uh, your name?
56
00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:35,920
Say butthead. Butthead. No, when it says
say your name, you say butthead.
57
00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:39,550
Make up your mind, asswipe. Yeah, yeah.
That's complicated.
58
00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:45,830
Kirk to Scotty. Kirk to Scotty.
59
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:48,370
I need more speed, bunghole.
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00:03:50,510 --> 00:03:52,350
Here are your numbers. I get cracking.
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He said crack.
62
00:03:55,590 --> 00:03:56,640
Yeah.
63
00:04:00,910 --> 00:04:04,430
Hello. My name is...
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00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:07,990
I'm calling to offer a special deal.
65
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,650
Uh, or something.
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00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:14,669
Well, now, you can stop right there,
fella. Whatever you're selling, I ain't
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00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:17,029
-buying. Whoa, I got guns and ammo.
68
00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:19,850
70s are pent up.
69
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:22,220
Guns and ammo?
70
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,870
Well, old Bessie is running a little low
on shells.
71
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,770
I'll tell you what, sign me up for a
gross.
72
00:04:30,190 --> 00:04:31,240
Gross.
73
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:32,860
Comprende, amigo?
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A gross, that's 144.
75
00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:42,970
Who is this?
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00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:50,169
Your name and I have a special deal for
you or
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something.
78
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,230
It's in my pants.
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00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:55,490
You sicko.
80
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,330
So cool.
81
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,450
Hello?
82
00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:03,570
Hey,
83
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:05,810
how's it going?
84
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:07,580
Who's calling, please?
85
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:12,040
Oh. I don't know. You must, like, have
the wrong number or something.
86
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,220
Can I sign you up for something gross?
87
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:17,710
Gross.
88
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,660
That boy is a natural.
89
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:27,640
Hey, he's bouncing on his wiener. That's
a pogo stick, dumbass. Oh, yeah.
90
00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:34,229
Hey, that looks like that dude who comes
by to check the bucane. Oh, yeah, yeah.
91
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:38,049
I saw that guy in my yard once. I
thought he was a trespasser. So I
92
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:41,229
shooting him with my BB gun. Shut up,
Davis. Those pigs are doing it.
93
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,550
Really? All right.
94
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:44,660
That's cool.
95
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,890
How come that pig can score and we
can't?
96
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:53,689
Well, the only reason that pig scored is
because he was, like, in a video.
97
00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:54,740
Oh, yeah, yeah.
98
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,100
I forgot about that.
99
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:57,340
Yeah.
100
00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:03,199
Like, if pigs had a video, and, like, we
were in that video, then, like, we
101
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,250
could score.
102
00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:06,060
You mean, like, with a pig?
103
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:07,610
No, dumbass.
104
00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:09,200
With a chick in the video.
105
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,500
With a chicken? No, Viva.
106
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,920
I'm talking, like, about, like, a human
chick.
107
00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:17,159
What's that?
108
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,420
Just a regular chick.
109
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:21,140
Oh, I see.
110
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,350
That's pretty cool.
111
00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,370
What's the deal with this short dude?
112
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Yeah, really.
113
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Is he, like, in the band or is he just,
like, some weird dude?
114
00:06:33,190 --> 00:06:36,969
Really. Like, all these videos now,
they, like, just get a couple weird
115
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:40,529
and, like, just shake the camera around
and just, like, do a bunch of crap.
116
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:41,580
Yeah.
117
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:46,050
They need to get back to the basics,
like chicks in bikinis and explosions.
118
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:47,620
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
119
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:50,520
Cars, like, and they're all driven by
chicks in bikinis.
120
00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:52,630
It's a big thing, yeah.
121
00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:53,880
Yeah.
122
00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:56,590
Now, that's what I call a buzz clip.
123
00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:04,310
Uh, God evening.
124
00:07:04,790 --> 00:07:11,510
My name is your name, and I'm calling to
offer you a special low,
125
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:16,130
uh, interdictionary rate. A what?
126
00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:20,730
Uh, if you're a refrigerator walking...
127
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,210
Phones suck.
128
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,319
Son, you don't seem to be grasping the
concept here. When you get someone on
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00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,330
phone, don't waste time talking about
their refrigerator.
130
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,970
Get straight to the point of selling
magazines.
131
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:38,700
Now, your friend here is our sales
leader.
132
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,190
Yeah, yeah.
133
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,290
That would be cool.
134
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,110
I'm going to put this call on
speakerphone so we can study his
135
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:48,040
For horny co -eds, press 1.
136
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:54,499
For the big, busty, and beautiful line,
press two. To talk to two hot women at
137
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:55,880
once, press three.
138
00:07:55,881 --> 00:07:56,979
Yeah, yeah.
139
00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:58,030
Press me.
140
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,400
I'm a sales leader.
141
00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:02,380
I'll press you, you little perp.
142
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,330
Uh,
143
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,200
that sucked.
144
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:10,670
Yeah, yeah.
145
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,680
She was about to, like, buy lots of
magazines and stuff.
146
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:18,580
Uh, you're fucking... Cable access?
147
00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:25,239
I think
148
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:32,219
this is one of those cable access shows
where you
149
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,810
like call them up and they like do
anything you want.
150
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:35,870
No way, really?
151
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,490
Let's call her up.
152
00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:38,870
Yeah.
153
00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:42,080
Let's tell her to like shut up and
like...
154
00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:45,220
Take all her clothes off and get over
here right now?
155
00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:46,460
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
156
00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:48,569
She gets picked up something to eat?
Yeah.
157
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:55,530
You can tell this is like the kind of
chick that's like had her tubes tied.
158
00:08:57,490 --> 00:09:00,630
How come you know this chick's had her
tubes tied?
159
00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:02,250
Just look at her, Beavis.
160
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,660
Oh, yeah.
161
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:09,490
I think I'm going to go tie my tube.
162
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,280
Shut up, diva.
163
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,360
Boy, that's music.
164
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,020
What music?
165
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,279
Oh, yeah.
166
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,900
What is it? To a heart's crap?
167
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,210
You know, like when you're playing
poker?
168
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:28,070
Oh, yeah.
169
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:30,760
I'm familiar with that.
170
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:35,060
When I see this chick, there's a full
house in my pants.
171
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:37,470
Oh, yeah.
172
00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:39,810
Yeah, that was great.
173
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:48,540
Those squares remind me of that really
stupid game that all those dorks play.
174
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:49,720
Um, chess?
175
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:50,940
Oh, yeah.
176
00:09:52,110 --> 00:09:54,340
Doesn't even have anything to do with
boobs.
177
00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:55,760
Yeah, right.
178
00:09:57,490 --> 00:09:58,540
Hey,
179
00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:03,030
what is a 357?
180
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:08,159
Uh... That's like when someone turns all
the way around in a circle, like when
181
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,900
they're slam dunking or something.
182
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,650
I'll be damned.
183
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:14,500
I'll be damned.
184
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:21,399
If I was a clown, I'd make it so, like,
my head would explode when you pull my
185
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,699
finger, and all the crap would fly out
of my head and, like, land on people and
186
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:30,929
stuff. Yeah, if I was a clown, I'd go to
parties and, like, eat all the cake
187
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,610
and, like, take stuff home with me.
188
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:37,010
That's what you do at parties anyways,
Viva. Yeah, but I'd be a clown, you
189
00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:40,820
So, like, I'd have on these big shoes
and stuff. Yeah, I'd be different.
190
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:43,750
If I was a clown, I'd kick your ass,
Viva.
191
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:45,990
Until it's beet red.
192
00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:48,710
I'd say, look at his butt.
193
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:53,030
Yeah, I'd like to say, thanks for coming
to the show. Hope you had a good time.
194
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,200
See you next time.
195
00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:56,789
Yeah. Yeah.
196
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:57,890
That would be cool.
197
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,109
Yeah, yeah.
198
00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:00,779
We'd have to work out the timing and
everything.
199
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:05,330
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