All language subtitles for The Dukes of Hazzard Hazzard in Hollywood (2000) - HI

[CROWD APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

[SINGING "JACKY DON TUCKER"]

Welcome to the Hazzard Hoedown.
Y'all got here just in time.

It's an annual fundraiser
to build a Hazzard hospital.

Now, there's all the fun and games
you'd expect...

...like the traditional old-fashioned
rattlesnake-sacking contest.

Bo's entered in that one.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

[SNAKE RATTLING]

BO:
I got you.

Oh, you're a big fella, ain't you?

Whoo-whoo!

Come on.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Four, four.

BALLADEER:
It's time for the ax catching.

Luke's favored in the event this time.

But despite last year's little mishap,
old Lefty is determined to win again.

Now, any sissy can throw an ax.

The trick is to catch it first,
then throw it.

[CROWD CHEERS]

Yes.

BALLADEER:
There's Cooter, Daisy, and Cletus.

Cooter's in a barbecue-sauce contest.

He inherited Uncle Jesse's recipe,
which always wins first prize.

I tried to make it like Uncle Jesse's,
but something just-- Just ain't right.

All right, Cletus...

...take it to the judges.

[BOTH WHOOPING]

-Hey.
-How are you?

To-- Toby.

[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

What a crowd.

Oh, good. Hello, Toby.

Toby Keith. Oh, he's marvy.

That wasn't a practice.

Listen, you know,
Toby comes back every year, you know...

...to help us raise some money
for the hospital-building fund.

You know,
now he's a big country-music star...

...and he's come back again.

And because of him, we've raised a total of
$35,000 and 63 cents for the hospital fund.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Now all we need is $3,500,000.

MAN: At that rate, your great-grandchildren
will be doing the groundbreaking.

ROSCO:
Who said that?

-And then all your--
EZRA: It's me, Rosco.

Ezra Bushmaster.

-Ezra?
-Yeah.

-What're you doing back in Hazzard?
-Rosco, what's going on? Who is this guy?

Ohh....

Ezra here,
he was a partner of Boss' for a while...

...till Boss found out he was
even more crooked than he was.

So he run him out of town...

...and he went up north
to fleece the Yankees.

Thank you, Rosco,
for that flattering introduction.

Yes, friends,
I wanna give something back to Hazzard.

I got a proposition for you.

You want a hospital in 20 years,
or right now?

[PEOPLE CHEER]

Come on, let's hear it, let's hear it.
Yeah. Right. All right. Come on.

If the county were to raise about
half a million, 500,000, in 10 days...

...I will donate the remaining 3 million.

[ALL CHEERING]

We'll go, "Well, that's a deal,
but what's the catch?"

I want the hospital named after me.

Where in the heck
did you get 3 million dollars?

[EZRA LAUGHING]

Rosco, uh, did you ever learn
how to read?

ROSCO [STAMMERING]:
You--

Course I did...

-...eventually I--
EZRA: Mm.

-Well, then read this out loud.
-What?

-I knew you'd be suspicious.
-What is--? What is this?

It says here that it's a certified statement
saying that Ezra Bushmaster is worth--

[ROSCO STAMMERS]
[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]

-A hundred million dollars.
-Wow.

But how can we raise
$500,000 so quickly?

People, people...

...you already have the money.

I'm B.B. Bascomb,
music promoter extraordinaire.

-Ezra, is this your shill?
-Thought he was yours.

-Excuse me.
LUKE: Who is this guy?

-Excuse me.
-Yes, you. Get--

Now, isn't it true you own
years of tape recordings...

...of country music from all the people
that have played your hoedowns?

And some of these people
have become big names.

Well, I represent some of the biggest
Hollywood record companies.

They do rock, pop, hip-hop.

They're dying to get into
country music. Huh?

You know what they would pay
for your precious tapes?

Wait a minute. You mean--

Yes, I mean let me promote those tapes
on a major Hollywood record label.

ROSCO:
Ooh.

Put a little culture
into their pathetic little world.

Put out a CD album,
raise money for your hospital.

Well, that sounds pretty good,
but is it doable?

All you need's enough money
to remix and master tapes you already have.

Thirty-five grand should do it...

...and you've got yourself a hospital.

I'll tell you what. You sell the tapes...

...I'lIl bring everybody back
for a big groundbreaking hoedown.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Am I the only one here who gets the feeling
this isn't gonna work?

BALLADEER: And so the Hazzard caravan
was off to Hollywood.

Bo, Daisy and Luke in the General Lee.

Followed by Rosco in his RV,
and bringing up the rear...

...Cooter rode with good old Cletus
in his pickup with Daisy's motorcycle.

Rosco always takes Albert Einstein,
his champion-stud basset hound...

...wherever he goes.

You might notice that Albert ain't moving.

The reason is, he's dead.

Albert passed two years ago,
but Rosco was so brokenhearted...

...he had a dog doll made
and named him Albert.

It's a comfort to him.

Now, y'all pay attention.

Rosco was carrying his $35,000
from the previous hoedowns...

...the music tapes to give to B.B. Bascomb,
bottles of scuppernongs for Enos...

...plus a sack full of rattlesnakes too,
as an antitheft device.

Don't ask.

Ow!

You lug nut, you're not supposed to touch it
when it's hot like that.

Thanks. Yes, that's great news.
Thank you so much.

Guess what.

Anita Blackwell's in Hollywood
shooting a movie...

...and she's gonna try
to come to the hoedown.

You're kidding, eh? She's really great.

She sure is.

I can't believe this barbecue sauce
of yours came in second, it's delicious.

Ain't bad, is it?
But Uncle Jesse had a secret ingredient...

...I ain't figured out what it is,
he called it "P.S."

I've tried everything.

Peach skins, paddlefish scales,
pond scum....

Well, it didn't work.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Ohh!

Boy, Albert, that was horrendous.

BO:
What the heck he done now?

CLETUS: You must've hit something, huh?
-I didn't hit nothing, you lug nut.

Cooter here sold me a defective tire.

-Hey, somebody's shooting at us, y'all.
-Yeah, look out.

BALLADEER:
That Bo is quick.

I think you missed them, Patch.

I wasn't trying to hit them, stupid.
I was trying to stop them.

PATCH:
Move it, brains.

Mighty thin spares, Rosco.

I've eaten doughnuts
with more tread than this.

Why the heck would anybody
wanna be shooting at us?

-Maybe we're in Montana.
-No, they're better shots.

Boss, they're dumber than a rock.

Shooting didn't stop them.

Don't worry though, I'm on it.

BALLADEER:
Three days later, hello, Hollywood.

[HORN HONKS "DIXIE"]

BO:
Coffee, Daisy. Put on that coffee.

[DAISY AND BO LAUGHING]

Great campsite, you know?
Plenty of game.

BO: Got good water,
got firewood everywhere.

ROSCO: You know what I can't understand?
LUKE: What's that?

Why somebody else
hadn't used this campsite.

LUKE: You got a point there, Rosco.
-Stay, Albert.

BO:
He's not going anywhere, Rosco.

Hollywood, are you ready for Hazzard?

[ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING]

[WOLVES HOWL IN THE DISTANCE]

[ROSCO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[DAISY LAUGHS]

DAISY:
Yeah, who spiked my coffee?

The mad Russian will tear them to pieces.

And this town
will eat the crumbs one bite at a time.

Let's go.

BALLADEER:
The mad Russian, Igor...

...was run off by the Russian mafia
for being too crooked.

Now he deals in bootleg CDs, cigarettes,
and any crime that turns a capitalist dollar.

Patch...

...you have another truckload
of contraband cigarettes for me?

Nope, something bigger.

Too bad,
I have newest line of bootleg CDs.

Milli Vanilli, Frankie Avalon.

Hot stuff. Hot.

-I also have rural music.
-It's country.

Whatever.

Has a Russian soul in it.

Igor, I wanna hire your meanest muscle
to help me stop a bunch of hillbillies.

-What is "hillbillies"?
-Crazy, unpredictable people...

...they come out of the hills
and cause trouble.

Ah. Cossacks. No problem.

I have gulag escapees,
Red Army deserters...

...ex-KGB's.

They love America.

[PATCH CHUCKLES]

How much?

For you...

...just 2000 a day.

Plus you have to take
100 Slim Whitman CDs.

You drive a hard bargain, Igor.

COOTER:
It's the ramps. Y'all, it's the ramps.

It's that wild garlic. Rabbit and ramps,
it don't get better than this.

Hey, everybody, Enos is on his way over.

I told him we were parked
somewhere near that big sign.

[ALL LAUGH]

COOTER:
Just like you like it.

BALLADEER: Remember back when
old Enos joined the L.A.P.D?

Well, now he's a full-fledged detective.

Luke Duke. Cooter! Ha-ha-ha!

Hey, Cletus!

Hey, sheriff.

You know something?
I must be getting soft...

...because I'm actually glad
to see the dipstick.

Hey, wait, wait, y'all listen.

You can't build a fire, I'm sorry,
it's a city park.

Yes, sir, and--
Oh, now, what y'all got cooking?

You know, whatever we catch.

LUKE:
We're running traplines, we're doing good.

-We could live here forever, maybe longer.
-No, no, no, you can't trap.

You can't camp without a ton of permits.

Now, Enos, honey,
being in the L.A.P.D. and all...

...I mean, can't you just
pull those permits for us?

I can try, Daisy.

-Okay.
-l can try to get them.

Just don't trap any more animals.

-Oh, Cooter, that smells so good.
COOTER: Yeah.

What is that? Ooh.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

-Cooter, that's so good.
DAISY: Brought you some scuppernongs.

BALLADEER: Now, I'd better explain
about scuppernongs...

...a wild fruit found only in the South.

Most folks eat them raw, or in jelly,
but in Hazzard they're pickled.

And a remedy for everything
from rheumatism to the vapors.

And the old-timers claim
it can make some male appendages...

...harder than Japanese arithmetic.

So Daisy, Cooter and Enos headed
for city hall to get a camping permit...

...in a park where camping is prohibited.

Luke, Bo and Cletus stayed back at camp,
waiting on old B.B. Bascomb...

...to find out about closing the deal
for the music tapes.

One, con tapes from Dukes.
Two, sell tapes.

Three, steal money. Four, live large.
Ha-ha!

SERGE: Yeah.
-Whoa! Hey.

Going somewhere, B.B?
Where's my $50,000?

Igor, what a break. You know,
I was gonna call you this afternoon?

That will require a séance.
You will be dead by this afternoon.

[TATIANNA CHUCKLES]

You still owe me money
for black-market CDs.

Very simple: Pay or die.

Oh, Igor, baby...

...I'm this close to closing a deal
that's got a hundred grand finder's fee.

If you found Elvis,
you wouldn't get that much.

Tatianna, baby, kill him.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Okay, okay, listen, listen.

I found over six hours of music tapes
in a place called Hazzard. Hm?

Now, famous people
have played their hoedowns. Oh, yeah.

Loretta.

Merle.

Toby Keith.

Never mind. Look, a major label will pay
half a million, minimum, for the rights.

-So you have these tapes?
-Going to get them now.

So bring these tapes to me,
and debt cancel.

But then I'll end up with nothing.

Tatianna, baby....

Good deal. Very good deal.

DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]:
All units, Code 21, Oasis Liquor...

...Whitsett and Riverside.
Officer requests backup.

Dang, an armed robbery.

We just passed there. Hang on.

[SIREN WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]

Just like back home.

ENOS:
Y'all stay down.

Hi, Enos, I thought this was your day off?

It is, just passing by, Tami.
What's the situation?

Oh. One perp inside,
he grabbed the clerk as hostage.

Excuse me.

[TAMI GIGGLES]

All right, you in there...

...come out with your hands
in the air now.

Uh, Enos, is that you?

Hold your fire.

Cullen? Not again.

Enos, I swear,
I thought this was your day off.

Does everybody out here
know his day off?

ENOS: Just passing by, Cullen,
with friends from back home.

-Oh, hey, welcome to California.
DAISY: Hey.

[OFFICERS COCKING GUNS]

Cullen, stop waving that blessed gun.

It ain't loaded, Enos.

I know it, but they don't.

You promised me
you'd stay out of trouble.

Now, your mama's
gonna have another fit.

You ain't gonna tell her.

I'm afraid so, Cullen.

-Why?
-Oh, Cullen, don't cry.

Come on now, buddy, it'll be all right.
Come on, it's okay.

-But....
-You're all right, buddy.

CULLEN: Please.
-Just-- You'll be all right.

Just settle down, now.

I'm going right by headquarters, Tami.
I'll take him in and save y'all a trip.

-Cullen, you put these on. Get in the car.
-But--

It'll be all right. Go ahead.

CULLEN:
Mama's gonna kill me.

That's the eighth time I've arrested Cullen.

That poor old boy is just a foul ball
lost in tall weeds.

TAMI:
You are so wonderful, Enos.

Well, uh....

[CLEARS THROAT]

Isn't he just, like, wonderful?

Cooter Davenport. This is Daisy Duke.

We're from back in Hazzard,
where Enos is from.

Daisy, if all the dudes in Hazzard
are like Enos...

...the chicks must be, like, totally stoked.

Stoked?

Strong, rugged, with such animal drive,
yet deeply sensitive.

So he's like a sensitive animal.

He's the perfect studmuffin.

BALLADEER:
Enos, a studmuffin?

LUKE: Cletus, you have outdone yourself.
This stuff's delicious.

BO: This is the best stew, now,
I've ever had.

ROSCO:
Hey, y'all.

Is there any le--?
Any of that game stew left?

Because, you know,
Albert and I, we love rabbit.

[RV ENGINE STARTS]

-We got a rabbit habit.
CLETUS: All you.

BO:
Somebody's stealing the RV.

-And the tapes.
ROSCO: And the money.

Our money!

Come on!

[ROSCO SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[CLETUS YELLS]

ROSCO: Get in here!
-Which way'd he go?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

BO: Man, which way they'd go anyhow?
LUKE: There he is.

-There he goes.
-l see him. Hang on, Luke.

CLETUS: Which way they'd go?
-Come on, Cletus. Turn here, you lug nut.

-Get on with it.
CLETUS: They go down the hill?

ROSCO:
Come on.

-Put your pedal to the metal!
-I'm going as fast as I can.

ROSCO:
Go! Go!

BO: Shoot. All the streets around here
look the same.

LUKE:
All concrete and blacktop.

[LUKE GROANS]

-Aw, we lost them.
-There he goes!

BO:
Whoa!

Hang on.
We ain't gonna lose him this time.

Go! Whoo!

LUKE: Hey, somebody's getting beat up.
Forget the RV.

-They're gonna kill that kid.
BO: That's a 10-4.

-Does that look fair to you, Bo?
-No.

I say we even the odds.

LUKE:
Hey.

[ALL GRUNTING]

BO:
There you go.

Not nice to nail somebody's car either.

-He doesn't look good, Luke.
-Hey, go on. Get the hell out of here.

BO:
Yeah, get out of here.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

BO:
Yeah, go on! Go on now!

-Real tough guys, huh?
-Reckon he lives around here somewhere?

[HORN HONKING "LA CUCARACHA"]

-Come on.
-We got company.

CYPRIANO:
Hey!

That's my little brother.

And that's my car.

Did I hear you say,
"Let's even up the odds"?

BALLADEER: Whoever said a good deed
never goes unpunished...

...must have come from L.A.

CYPRIANO: Octavio, you okay?
-It was Chula and his guys.

These dudes jumped all four of them.

You stopped to help a stranger? Why?

Well, them fellas was beating your brother
like a rented mule.

You guys ain't from around here, are you?

-You all right?
-Yeah. Thanks.

Sure thing.

CYPRIANO:
Man, what's up with the car?

That's the ugliest paint job
I've ever seen in my life.

[CYPRIANO SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

I wouldn't talk if my car was dragging
its rear end around town like yours.

You gringos want to see
what this car can do?

[CYPRIANO LAUGHS]

BO:
Yeah, I wanna see what it can do.

Needs new shocks to me.
How about you, Luke?

Oh, jeez.

I'll be danged.

Look at that, how it dances.
I bet he could churn butter with that thing.

Hey, that's really great...

...but, uh, what's the point?

-What's the point?
BO: Yeah.

What can that pile of junk do, huh?

Well, why don't you just ride shotgun
with my cousin, here. He'll show you.

Shotgun.
That means "the passenger seat."

[LUKE CHUCKLES]

No, no. It's a race car.
You gotta get in like this. Whoo.

[BOYS LAUGHING]

Hey, hey!

[BO REVVING ENGINE]

[HORN HONKS "DIXIE"]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

BO:
Ahh. All right. Now, let's see here.

Oh, you better put that seat belt on there,
buckaroo.

[CYPRIANO SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

BO:
Oh, you gonna love this.

-Hang on.
CYPRIANO: Hey, look out!

[BO HOLLERING]

[BOYS CHEERING]

Cool! Way Cool!

-What are you doing in the 'hood?
-Looking for our RV. Somebody stole it.

Along with our money
and tapes we planned to sell.

Man, they'll chop the RV.
By tomorrow, it'll be tuna cans.

Well, we're sunk if we don't get it back.

-We'll ask around.
BO: Yeah?

-You guys ever been to a block party?
-No.

We're having one tonight.
Why don't you come and hang out with us.

-Yeah.
-You like Mexican food?

I bet we can learn.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Think this wreck can keep up?

Well, he may not dance,
but the General sure can run.

[BOYS HOLLERING]

Don't get in our way!

Aw, shoot.
We lost them like a toad in a tornado.

-Now what?
-Well, that's easy, you lug nut.

All we have to do is ask somebody
if they've seen my RV.

ROSCO:
Uh, excuse me, buddy.

Did you happen to see a big old RV...

...with a mama possum and a buzzard
with collard greens in his beak?

[SPEAKS IN HEBREW]

Mm?

Uh, excuse me, buddy.

Did you happen to see an RV?

And painted on the side
is a mama possum and a buzzard.

[MAN SPEAKING IN CHINESE]

No, no. He's got a collard green
in his beak.

[MAN SPEAKS IN CHINESE]

Oh. Eh....

Huh.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES]

Uh, excuse me, did you see a...?

[STAMMERING]

Like, cool threads, old dude.
I'd max out my plastic for dupes, you dig?

Oh, well....

Ooh! Ooh.

Who drove those rivets in your face?
I'll cuff them and stuff them.

Your lid is way too rad. Go on.

Well, you....

I wonder if he was asking
about that odd-looking RV that went by.

-What language was that?
OLD WOMAN: Who?

His articulation seemed regional,
but I didn't grasp his syntax.

Yeah.

Don't nobody speak American?

Weird.

Enos. It is so good to see you.

Mmm.

Hey, Lois. Is the vice-mayor in, please?

In conference
and has the White House holding.

But I'm sure
vice-mayor would love to see you.

You have your reports in my office in one
hour or I will rip out your lying tongues...

...and use them for paperweights.

Out!

[INTERCOM BEEPS]

LOIS [OVER INTERCOM]:
Vice-mayor? Enos is here to see you.

Enos.

Will you send Enos in?

LOIS:
What about the White House?

Let them wait.

Oh, Enos.

-Darling.
ENOS: Hey, Roz.

These are my friends from Hazzard.

-Daisy and Cooter.
-Charmed.

Enos, you haven't returned
any of my calls.

I'm sorry, Roz.
I've been pulling double shifts.

Crime never sleeps.

Well, the mayor will certainly call the chief
about that.

ENOS:
I think the chief already knows.

No, Enos,
I mean that you could use some R and R.

Isn't there anything that I could give you?

I could use a camping permit
for Griffith Park.

-You're going camping?
-No, ma'am. For my friends.

Oh. Lois, pull a permit waiver
for Enos' friends.

Will do.

With that, you can camp
in the mayor's living room.

Thank you, Roz.

How long have you known Enos?

Four months, two weeks, three days.

A burglar broke into my home
and Enos arrested him.

Roz keeps having me over for dinner.
I'm teaching her to cook.

Bet you are.

[BAND PLAYING]

[SINGING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

This is my sister Gabriella.

Gabby.

Gabby, you sound sweeter
than a breeze...

...whispering through a stand
of Mississippi loblolly pine.

-Whoo. You're not from L.A., are you?
-What gave us away?

[GABBY AND BO CHUCKLE]

Well, what about some frijoles,
chimichangas, quesadillas?

I don't know that one.
If you hum a few bars, we'll do our best.

-Well, come on, country boy.
-All right.

MAN:
Cypriano, listen up....

LUKE: Well, Bo, I'm glad our problems
haven't affected your appetite.

BO: You mean if I stop eating,
our problems will be over?

Hey, we found your RV.
It's at Tio Paco's. Come on.

Y'all work fast.

It's our "hood.

BALLADEER: Tio Paco's was a chop shop
known to everybody on the street.

A clearing-house for down and dirty data.

Ha-ha. I like that.

TIO PACO:
Buzzard? I thought that was an eagle.

LUKE: Then you have seen it?
-Oh, yeah.

It's right over here.

LUKE:
Oh, no. They chopped the RV.

There was a valise inside
with a lot of money.

BO: And there was a box
with recording tapes in it.

No, no, no. Pizza cartons, trash
and a sack that wiggles and rattles.

But I did not open it. No.

[SNAKES RATTLING]

Well, at least we got
our rattlesnakes back.

-You carry rattlesnakes with you?
-Yeah.

Oh, I'm experiencing culture shock here.

Ha-ha. Once you get used to me,
rattlesnakes won't bother you.

If we don't get that money
and those tapes back...

...Hazzard County's still gonna be shy
one hospital.

We'll put the word out.
Don't lose hope, amigo.

-Yeah?
-Yes.

[BO LAUGHING]

-Bo, you can at least act worried.
-Oh, I'm worried.

I'm real worried.

PATCH:
Yeah, I stole the RV.

Boss, we've got their money.

And they ain't got no tapes.

Yeah, they're stopped cold.

But, you know what?
I'll keep an eye on them.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Later.

LANDLORD: Morning, B.B.
-Morning.

LANDLORD:
Don't forget, the rent's due.

[CAR APPROACHING]

Igor.

IGOR: Do we have the tapes?
-The Dukes told me the tapes were stolen.

-You believe that?
-And you believe Cossacks?

Where the hillbillies?

[CARS APPROACHING]

What the heck is that?

DAISY:
Who are they?

[MISHA SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

What are those crazy Russians
doing here?

MISHA:
Hand over tapes...

...or die.

BALLADEER: You know, the Dukes ain't
doing too bad for their first day in L.A.

The tapes. Now.

Yeah, uh, sure. We got--

We got tapes. I don't know
what you'd want with them.

Because they ain't worth hardly nothing.

SERGE:
You call $500,000 "nothing"?

Only in America, huh?

Here you go. Right here.

Yeah. Here you go.

[SERGE AND MISHA YELL]

PATCH:
Go, go, go!

Those tapes are worth
a half-million dollars.

-And we got them.
-We can sell them to Igor. Cool.

No, no, no.
Let him keep chasing after the Dukes.

We'll sell them to Igor later.
Take the money and run.

-Let's go.
-The man's a genius.

[MISHA SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

Wait up.

Would you mind telling me
how you ended up with a tape?

-It's a blank. It's all I could think of.
-You damn fooled me.

-Gotta keep those guys from the others.
-Well, at least it's our kind of country.

With our traplines.

[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[BO WHISTLES]

Ha-ha-ha! Whoo!

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

BO:
Hey, Luke. Luke.

-What are you doing?
-What do you say?

Old airmail special?

BO: There's a good one.
LUKE: I hate this.

-Why's it gotta be me?
-You're the smokejumper, aren't you?

[MEN GRUNTING]

-Hop in the General. We'll lead them away.
-That's a good idea.

Let's show them this tape.
Make sure they see it.

Yee-haw!

[SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]

[HORNS HONKING]

WOMAN 1: Hi.
-I think we lost them.

WOMAN 2:
Bikini Car Wash. $10.

-Okay.
-Let's wave.

LUKE:
Uh....

You know, Luke, I think this
would go over real big in Hazzard.

I love this town.

[METAL GRINDING]

LUKE:
Sheesh.

Oh, man. Trannie's gonna go.

-How you gonna find one out here?
-I don't know.

We'd better find one quick.
Listen to that thing.

[HORN HONKS "DIXIE"]

Hey. Cypriano called.

He's at Tio Paco's.
He found information...

...about the guys who stole your RV.

Let's check it out.
Come on, I'll give you a lift.

-Up. There you go.
BO: Doors don't open.

That was fun. Hit it.

Boss, I'm watching their campsite.

BALLADEER: By now, any normal person
would've just given up...

...but Hazzard folks ain't exactly normal.

And besides, they was attacked.
That just set their blood a-boiling.

So Rosco and Daisy was figuring on ways
to raise the money.

You see, old Rosco still has the first dollar
he ever earned stealing watermelons.

With a triple-A credit rating,
he's going to the bank to get a loan.

And Daisy is gonna see what she can raise
on the streets.

No, not that way.

-I'm coming. Here, hold that.
-Ohh!

CLETUS: D'oh!
ROSCO: You idiot. Here, you idiot.

PATCH: Come on, let's follow them
and see where they go.

CLETUS: I'll just try to keep her
between the ditches.

Uh, excuse me, fella.

I'm Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
from Hazzard...

...and I'm looking for a bank.

You found it.

Where? Is it-- Uh....

There's no teller.

Nobody's seen a teller in years.
Everybody banks from a machine.

-Go ahead.
-You only use the machine, huh?

Quick, march over there.

Excuse me. I'm Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
from Hazzard.

This is police business.
Let me have this machine.

-Here.
-Let's clear the area.

Come on. Chop chop. Let's clear.

ATM VOICE:
Please step away from the machine.

ROSCO:
Excuse me, miss. I'm looking for a loan.

ATM VOICE:
Insert bank ID card.

How about a driver's license?

Enter PIN code number.

[MACHINE SOUNDS]

Card rejected. Have a nice day.

BALLADEER:
Friends, this may take a while.

It ate it.

TIO PACO: So I found these
credit-card receipts in the RV trash.

They must've been dropped
by the carjackers.

They charged gas all the way
across the country. Same route we took.

Who'd be following us?

Obviously somebody who didn't want us
to sell them tapes.

Ezra Bushmaster?

No way. He said he wanted the hospital
named after him.

Well, then who?

PATCH:
Thanks a lot, buddy.

[PATCH GRUNTING]

Patch.

Those were hot parts you traded me
for that engine. Police thought I stole them.

Deacon, I didn't know they were stolen.

-l swear, baby.
DEACON: "Baby"?

When I'm done with you,
you will win the Ugly Cup.

Now, that was a custom racing engine.
I want it back.

-l sold it to some New Jersey dudes.
-Jersey?

They operate out of Tio Paco's chop shop.
They put your engine in an old orange car.

If you're lying, I'm gonna put
your one good eye in my next martini.

Let's go.

There's a big 01 painted on the side.

-You can't miss it.
-Better not.

BALLADEER: You know that old boy's
lying about that engine...

...just to get the Dukes in trouble.

-Wait a minute! It's attacking my tie.
ATM VOICE: Error. Error. Error.

-Don't stuff my wardrobe. Look at that.
-Error. Error. Error.

[FREDDY LAUGHING]

Please insert proper bank ID now.

-Please insert proper bank ID now.
WOMAN: Hurry up!

[ROSCO YELPING]

Error.

[FREDDY LAUGHING]

[ROSCO STAMMERING]

Hey, it's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm Freddy the Ferret.

-Pleased to meet you, Mr. Ferret.
-No, name's not, um-- Oh, never mind.

-How much money do you need?
-l1 need $20,000.

You are gonna need private financing
for that kind of bread.

-No, not bread. See, what I need is some--
-Dough, bread, money.

Are you in luck.
I know the right people.

Oh, really?
Oh, goody, goody, gumdrops!

Our class won the bop.

-No machine.
-No machine.

Come with me.
Ooh, they are gonna love you.

Well, most people do.

You mean, you don't know
any of these people that are after you?

Maybe it's our fatal charm.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

Hey, hey. Hey, lady.

Hey, lady, what are you doing?

I'm taking your butt-ugly car.

You might wanna disarm
the anti-theft device first.

What anti-theft device?

[SNAKES RATTLING]

Rattlesnakes?

[GRUNTS]

Fifteen of them.

Oh, how'd they get out of the bag?

Fifteen snakes. Fourteen in the sack.

[LAUGHING]

DEACON: Cute. Ha-ha!
BO: Uh-huh.

You dudes ain't from Jersey, are you?

BO:
What?

[HOSTESS SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]

FREDDY:
Sharon. Arigato.

Uh, Sharon, this is my good friend,
Rosco P. Coltrane.

Rosco's looking for a loan.

Rosco, this is Sharon.
Her friends call her "The Shark."

Delighted. So, what can I do for you,
law man?

[ROSCO STAMMERING]

Excuse me, ma'am.
Get over here, I wanna talk to you.

What are you trying?

That woman doesn't have a dime
to her name.

-What?
-Well, she couldn't have.

She's eating cut bait.

BO: We ain't seen your engine.
Deacon, do you have any idea...

...where we can get a transmission?

-Sure. My junkyard.
LUKE: Well, lead on.

Aha! Aha! I knew you were bluffing.
There ain't no snake loose in that car.

BO:
Well, let's just see-- Hey, Theresa. Whoa.

[DEACON GASPS]
[SNAKE HISSING]

It's just a harmless corn snake.

Yeah, but with rattlesnakes running around,
who bothers to check?

And when I think of all the loot
I wasted on guard dogs.

SHARON:
That's 20 grand plus 10 large for the vig.

-For the vig?
-Interest.

You get 20, you pay back 30 in 72 hours.

Oh. Well, that sounds fair.

A final point, Round Eyes.
The money back on time...

...or my boys take this much skin
off your gluteus maximus.

[ROSCO WHIMPERS]

And that's just a dollar's worth.

[STAMMERING]
Oh, you--

They did-- We did it! We did it!
What a marvy-doo-doo.

I'm proud of you. That was good. Ha-ha!

Hey, hey, give me the money!
Come on, old man. Give it up!

-The money!
-Here!

-Give it to me!
-It's here.

I'll show you!

BALLADEER: Now, this fella Patch
is really making a nuisance of himself.

-Freeze!
-Friends, Hollywood is one tough town.

DEACON:
Here it is.

BO:
Well, Deacon, it's a right classy place.

Yeah, I'm thinking about franchising it
all across America. Come on in.

Okay, I've got a transmission
that will fit. Six hundred dollars.

Six hundred dollars?
Is that the best you can do, Deacon?

Yeah, I gotta get to work.

What is that I smell?

DEACON:
Hmph.

I smoke 200 pounds of barbecue a week
for the church.

We sell it. Best in the West.

Mind if I, uh, give it a taste?

Thank you.

Well? Now, be honest.
You won't hurt my feelings.

No, no, it's real good...

...but to tell you the truth,
I have tasted better.

-The hell you say.
-Luke?

Try some of that.

Mmm.

-That is righteous.
-There's our Uncle Jesse's famous recipe.

Tell me what's in that sauce.

You wanna let us have that transmission
on credit?

Wait a minute.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mm....

[ROSCO STAMMERING]

Miss Tuna, I got good news
and I got bad news.

The good news is that he didn't shoot us.

But the bad news is there's two men
out there in the parking lot...

...that stole your money.

No, no, your money.

I gave you $20,000 of my money...

...and you have to pay $35,000
of your money...

...and then it becomes my money again.

Round Eyes, don't even think
about leaving town.

FREDDY:
Oohh.

Well, you have got some bad karma.

-Let's get out of here.
-Yes.

[ROSCO STAMMERING]

Looks pretty good.

Uh, Deacon, secret to that recipe is ramps.
That's a wild garlic.

Where the hell am I gonna find ramps?

GABBY:
Hey, guys. Mexican punch?

Made from pineapple and mango.

-It's my favorite.
-Hey, Luke.

This stuff is great.

Drinking this what makes you so pretty?

You have such a line. I love it.

Only it ain't a line, is it, Bo?

-Luke, I'll tell you, I'm scared to death.
LUKE: Of what?

I don't know whether to go for it
or cut and run.

Don't run.

I did.

It's the worst mistake I ever made
in my life.

LUKE: / met Anita in Montana
when I was at the smokejumping center.

She waited tables days
and sang at a local club at night.

It was that once-in-a-lifetime thing...

...when you know it's right.

[ANITA LAUGHING]

I felt she was good enough
to make it in Nashville.

A label that heard her demo
asked her to go to Nashville for showcase.

That's great.

Just sign it.

-It's what you've been waiting for.
-Yeah.

LUKE:
She didn't wanna go.

Just wanted to stay with me.

Like a fool, I told her to go try.

So I put her on a bus to Nashville.

That's the last time I saw her.

You never told me
that Anita was Anita Blackwell.

A week after she hit Nashville,
she had a recording contract.

-I'll say she did.
-Three albums, four Grammys later...

...she's in L.A. making her first movie.

And you haven't seen her
since that morning?

She called. Wanted me to move
to Nashville. Wanted to get married.

Well, come on, Luke.

I wasn't ready to make a commitment.

Sound familiar?

So why don't you go see her.
I mean, she's here, you're here.

I don't think her husband
would appreciate that, Bo.

BO:
Oh.

My point is, don't walk away
from someone who wants to love you.

BALLADEER: Daisy was looking to sell
her motorcycle to raise cash, until....

Can we just get that in here
a little bit quicker, please?

And what? What?
Am I working here alone?

-Go. Do something. Now.
-What's going on?

-We're making a movie, lady.
WOMAN: Don't touch it.

AD: We have a problem.
DIRECTOR: So she's hurt.

Get another stunt woman.

We don't have another.
We-- I only budgeted $1000.

A thousand dollars?

What's the stunt?

BALLADEER: Sometimes all it takes
is a little timing and pure desperation...

...mixed with abiding ignorance
of the situation.

No way out of here, I tell you.

-Pack it up, Albert.
CLETUS: Rosco, are you upset?

"Upset"?

Of course I'm upset. I'm gonna let
the weasel, Ferret, here explain it to you.

Yeah, well, Sheriff Bad Karma here
got robbed of $20,000 he just borrowed.

Baddest muscle in town.

See, the bad news is that I owe $35,000
to this bait-gobbling woman.

And if I don't pay her back
she's gonna take it out on my heinie.

-You know what that's worth.
-Thirty-five thousand dollars?

Not 35,000.

Rosco, I knew we should have never let you
go downtown by yourself.

And this woman was--
She was so:

Mmmm....

Well, she--

I'm leaving. With your karma,
you'll be reincarnated as a roach!

Have a nice day.

I shouldn't have helped
the Dukes in the first place.

The Dukes is bad karma!

[GABBY AND BO LAUGHING]

So I spend most of my time, um,
trying to hook a ride on the NASCAR circuit.

How about you? What you gonna do?
Maybe pursue the music career?

No. No, my dreams will disappoint you.
No, music is just fun.

Finishing a business degree
but that's not what I want.

Well, what do you want?

A husband, four kids, two dogs,
and a horse.

[GABBY CHUCKLES]

Well, you got it all figured out, then,
don't you?

Yeah, except the husband.

[CAR APPROACHING]

Is that your heart I hear racing, or mine?

Bo, Cooter called.
We gotta get over to the campsite!

Something about Rosco's heinie.

You are Zia, the heroine.

You climb out of a fifth-story window
onto the fire escape.

The Chinese Tong see you.
These little fellas here. Gaggle of them.

You start up the fire escape.
They come after you.

Then a Tong comes out the window.
You fight. You knock him over the side.

And then you look up.
More Tong thugs up and down.

Everywhere. No escape.
You look around.

Ah. A clothesline filled with clothes.

You take a knife, you slash the line,
you come swinging down four stories...

...you land on the awning, you escape!

-Think you can do that?
-Sure.

But what's the stunt?

Makeup.

COOTER: Will you talk to me?
Rosco, this could be important.

-What the heck are you doing?
COOTER: You ain't going nowhere.

I'm out of here!

Now, this music business
is too doggone dangerous now.

LUKE: Oh, come on. Where is it?
COOTER: Rosco, you can't go on back.

ROSCO: That's them. They're after me!
They're gonna kill me. They're gonna--

BO: Would you take it easy?
LUKE: Well, I've had about enough of this.

All right, come on out of there.

ANITA:
Luke?

BOTH [IN UNISON]:
I heard you were in town.

-Well, hey, y'all. It's Anita Blackwell.
-Hi.

GABBY: Wow.
-Howdy.

-Can we go for a walk?
-Sure.

ANITA: I know this is strange
but I had to see you one more time.

Glad you did.
I'm just wondering why you did.

To see if we were over.

And if I was over you.

Sounds like one of your songs.

It's a good marriage, Luke.

But you're still a ghost.
You won't go away.

What do you want me to say?

I guess that you don't still love me.

[SIGHS]

I can't say that.

I wish I could.

I wish you could too.

Bye.

You have my tapes?

How did you get them?

Well, brains and quickness.

The price to you, 250 grand.

So meet me tonight at the Bloody Bucket.
And bring the tapes.

-Why the Bloody Bucket?
-Because it's Saturday!

Sad, pale garbage!

SERGE:
You mean, "sorry white trash."

IGOR:
Whatever!

Quiet, please. Picture's up.

And action!

[DAISY AND MEN GRUNTING]

Good, good, good. Got the stair--
Let's see what we've got here.

Oh, yeah. Yes, that's good. Whoa!

Good. All right. You toss him over. Good.
Tighter, tighter, tighter.

[MAN YELLING]

Yeah, that's it. Tongs everywhere.
You're afraid but you're gonna fight him.

Good. Beaut. Tight shot. Tight, tight.

Good. Next Tong.
You're chased up the fire escape. Good.

You're getting a tight shot. Tight. Good.

-Cut!
AD: That's a cut.

Very nice. Good stuff.

I think it's good.

And I'm getting paid for this?

[HORN HONKING]

Oh. Everybody listen up, please.

I've been checking up
on this B.B. Bascomb.

-Yeah?
-And something ain't right.

-I think we ought to pay him a visit.
-One of us ought to stay here...

...in case Deacon or Cypriano show up
with news about the RV.

-I go, you stay here with Gabby.
-All right, I can do that.

Action!

Fantastic. Beautiful. Perfect!

Okay, one more.

Sure.

B.B.: I am out of here.
Brazil, sunshine, women, and no extradition.

ENOS: Where are you going?
LUKE: You don't need that.

B.B.: Okay, what? What?
-We're gonna ask you a couple questions.

BALLADEER: Enos and Luke
convinced B.B. to open his heart.

B.B.'s real name was Billy Bob Thomas...

...and he had a string of convictions
a country mile long for music fraud.

He told them all about Igor
and the Bloody Bucket meeting.

B.B.: Guys, come on, now!
-See you, Billy Bob.

This just isn't right! Come on!
What are you doing, guys?

What am I supposed to do?

You're leaving me hanging. Ha-ha. Get it?

BALLADEER: Meanwhile, Bo and Gabby
took a stroll to look at the stars.

I tell you, friends,
old Bo was smitten bad.

What will you do
when this is all over?

Oh, I'll probably, uh, just go back East...

...and try to hitch a ride on an old NASCAR,
you know?

We won't see each other again.

I really hope you're
wrong about that, Gabby.

[SINGING "SOMEWHERE BETWEEN"]

-Wait a minute. You know that song?
-Yeah.

-Merle Haggard song.
-Yes.

Now, wait, wait, wait.

All right, let's see.

[BO PLAYING "SOMEWHERE BETWEEN"]
[GABBY AND BO SINGING]

COOTER [ON RADIO]: Breaker 1, Breaker 1,
might be crazy but I ain't dumb.

Crazy Cooter coming at you.
Bo Duke, you home?

Off in La-La Land? Come on.

[VOICE CRACKS]
Yeah, Cooter, what do you want?

Hey, Lucas says to meet him and Enos
at the Bloody Bucket.

Why the Bloody Bucket?

Because it's Saturday.

[WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

BALLADEER: You see, old Igor
and his lovely wife, Alleluyeva...

...never miss the Saturday night
line dancing contest at the Bloody Bucket.

Because the Russians love dancing
more than red cabbage.

They done them flashy Monterey turns
and kick-ball-changes. Mmm-mm.

JUDGE:
There's our winners, couple number 2.

Let's hear it for them, folks. Big hand.

[APPLAUSE]

IGOR:
You are too sexy for my jacket, baby.

Bags, baby.

Did you bring the tapes? Huh?

[IGOR LAUGHING]

-Did you bring the money?
-Did you lose your mind?

Engineer at my warehouse
will check the tapes.

If they are okay, you got the money.
Is that simple?

The guy with the patch has got our tapes.

LUKE: Yeah, plus the valise
with all our money.

ENOS: We better bird-dog him.
BO: Yes.

COOTER [ON RADIO]:
Mayday. Come here quick.

That loan shark's after Rosco's heinie.

Enos, you make sure Rosco's all right.
We'll follow Patch.

ENOS:
All right.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SIREN WAILING]

TY:
Hey, what took you so long?

PATCH: I had to meet Igor at
the Bloody Bucket. Come on, it's a go.

Cooter, come in.

Cooter, come in.

-Dang it. CB must be broke.
-I don't think Enos has a CB.

Well, we can't wait.

BO:
Gabby....

You better wait here, girl.

GABBY:
Okay. And, uh, Bo?

Is your life always this exciting?

Dull as dirt until I met you.
Maybe it's our chemistry, huh?

LUKE:
You're getting better. Come on.

Come on.

PATCH: Here's the tapes. Igor said to
call him after you've checked them out.

Be careful with them.

SERGE:
Of course. You kidding?

PATCH: As soon as we get the money
we're traveling.

What do you think?
Ever been to Rio de Janeiro?

With that warm sand
and those brown-skinned girls.

[PATCH CHUCKLES]

PATCH: Hey! Hey!
-Sit down, why don't you?

-You've got something of ours.
PATCH: We do?

Hey. Hey!

SERGE:
Hillbillies.

[PATCH LAUGHING]

BALLADEER:
Now, don't worry, folks.

Help will arrive just in the nick of time.

[SIREN WAILING]

Hey, yo, wait a minute! Hey, it's here!

BALLADEER:
Then again, maybe not.

GABBY:
Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Hello? Cooter? Cypriano?
Somebody, please?

What is that?

ROSCO:
Uh, that's my puppy.

That's Albert. He's a toy dog.

You see, the real Albert,
he passed and he went to doggy heaven.

Oh, you know, I have a cat, Lotus.

She's 13 and if-- Well, if anything
ever happened to her I just--

-You were gonna leave town.
-Not exactly.

I was just gonna go back to Hazzard
and raise taxes so I could pay you.

No, no, no. You don't fool me.

You're one of those smart country types
who just pretends to be stupid.

BALLADEER:
The way that woman reads people...

...it's a miracle she ever made a dime
loan-sharking.

Wait a minute.
No, I really am that stupid. Ooh!

Ooh! Eeh!

Untie those men. Untie these men.

[SHARON STAMMERING]

Miss Sharon, what's going on?

You promised the judge you'd leave town
if he'd give you probation now.

Enos, I tried to make a new life,
but, well, you wouldn't return my calls.

Not another one.

Sheriff Rosco, what's this all about?

What's it about?
Thirty-five thousand dollars and my heinie.

Are you making loans again?
That violates your probation, ma'am.

Well, if you would've
just called me back, I--

Loans? Probation?

Uh, Enos, in California, it's not against
the law to give money away, is it?

No, sir, not yet.

Uh, well, Miss Sharon here, uh,
she said she's willing to just forget...

...that $20,000 loan for the fund, right?

And then in fact, she's gonna add
her $10,000 as sort of a fig.

BOTH:
That's a vig.

Golly, Miss Sharon, is that true?

It better be. Hee-hee-hee.

Right, Round Eyes.

That's mighty generous of you,
Miss Sharon.

I'm proud of you.

[CHUCKLES]

They must've followed me
from the Bloody Bucket.

He's so quick.

IGOR:
You dare challenge Igor the Terrible.

Stupid redheads.

It's rednecks.

That's right. Stupid rednecks.

[LAUGHS]

Kill them.

Say your prayers, boys.

[RUMBLING]

Earthquake!

[ALL YELLING]

You had to tell them to pray, you idiot.

Okay.

Okay, you win.

Hillbillies have everyone on their side.

[BO LAUGHING]

Boy, we really took those guys.

That was an earthquake, Bo.

I thought we were doing good. Gabby?

We got the money, we got the tapes,
we got no car.

Let's go this way. Come on.

Get those Cossacks.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

That's 1500 bucks.

A thousand for the stunt
and 500 for the fight.

A good night's worth, babe. Kiss, kiss.

-Sorry, boys.
-Yeah.

[MEN GROAN]

[GABBY SPEAKING IN SPANISH
OVER RADIO]

Somebody come in, please.

-This is Daisy. What's going on?
GABBY: Great, Daisy.

Bo and Luke followed
the one-eyed man to a warehouse.

Then more bad guys showed up.

-Where are you?
-Uh, I'm on Pico.

Okay, go west on Pico
and you'll see me, okay?

Okay, okay.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

AD:
Stop it. Stop. Stop!

That's prop gun. It's working
in the first shot for tomorrow.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

What?

Oh, hey, boss.

MAN:
Have you destroyed the tapes?

Uh, taking care of them right now.

MAN:
What about the Dukes?

You know, I'm kind of busy now, boss.
Can I get back to you?

As soon as possible.

Got them.

BALLADEER:
You know, once you go underground...

...it's best not to move too soon.

BO: Smells like the Boar's Nest in here.
LUKE: Good.

BALLADEER:
Like now.

-Make a run for it.
PATCH: Hey, there they are.

Come on, let's go. Back it up.

Gotcha.

Finally, the Dukes are going down.

[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]

What the hell's that?

[MEN YELLING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

Daisy, you crazy?
You know this family don't use firearms.

That was a prop gun. It wasn't real.

Get in.

[DAISY AND GABBY SCREAM]

Those guns, on the other hand, are real.

Cypriano? Where are you?

We're going south on Normandie. Please.

Cypriano, where are you?
Come in, please.

Deacon?
Deacon, can you hear me, please?

[GUNSHOTS]

That's one down, amigos. Yee-haw!

LUKE: Got it.
-Ow.

LUKE:
All right now.

BO: That might've hurt.
-That's your brother.

GABBY:
I know.

Oh, be careful.

[GUNSHOTS]

[DEACON YELLS]

One move and I'll whup you
like a redheaded stepchild.

[MAN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[BO WHOOPING AND HOLLERING]

[GUNSHOTS]

[PEOPLE YELLING]

DIRECTOR: Cut, cut, cut.
MAN: Who is that?

DIRECTOR: They're ruining the shot.
-Here they come.

MAN:
Get out of here.

LUKE:
All right.

Watch it.

BO:
Hey? Hey, that's that show.

Let's hit it. It's that show.
I'm not kidding you.

LUKE:
Look out.

The Russki can really move.

What's going on?

[SIREN WAILING]

DIRECTOR:
Action, guys.

[BO WHOOPING]
[GUNSHOTS]

-Hey, y'all, looks like a shootout.
DAISY: Oh, my goodness.

[MEN SCREAMING]

[PATCH YELLING]

[MACHINE-GUN FIRE]

Did you notice anything weird back there?

I can't even tell anymore.

DIRECTOR:
Get out.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[PATCH GRUNTING]

-Hello?
-You got the tapes?

Boss.

WOMAN:
Open wide. This probe's for you.

PATCH:
This is not a good time.

The record company's had a reward out
for uncovering that music piracy operation.

Here's a check for $50,000.

-Ooh. Wow.
-Wow.

Ooh, goody, goody.

-No way.
-Fifty-thousand dollars. All right.

Y'all realize we raised $81,500
in two days.

Hey, y'all, is this a great town
or what, huh?

That settles it.
We are coming back here next year...

...and raising money to open up
a veterinary clinic.

Oh, my Lordy.

BALLADEER: Well, the Dukes came home
to Hazzard without incident.

Anyway, everybody made it back
to the groundbreaking.

And I do mean everybody.

Ezra? Ezra?

You old hound dog, we're on to you.
You nearly pulled this thing off.

Yeah, you see, the L.A.P.D., they called
and this Patch fellow spilled his guts.

-Why'd you do it anyways?
BO: Yeah.

Revenge for running me off.

Oh, I was gonna string all of Hazzard
along for years...

...trying to raise money for a hospital
that would never be built.

Oh, Bushmaster, that is the orneriest thing
that I ever head of.

Well, thank you.
Now I'm gonna take over.

-Who?
-I'm running for sheriff and boss.

There you go. Excuse me. Little lady?

BALLADEER:
Ezra didn't get his comeuppance.

But he's gonna have
a tough road to hoe...

...if he's gonna move back to Hazzard
and tango with the Dukes. Count on it.

Deacon, glad you could make it
to the groundbreaking.

Me too. I had to get me some rampseed.
Hell, I may even open a junkyard here.

[ENOS LAUGHS]

I just wish I could figure out this "P.S.,"
Uncle Jesse's secret ingredient.

DEACON:
Mmm. That looks good. What's this?

My favorite: Pickled scuppernongs.

DEACON:
Mmm.

P.S., P.S.

Pickled scuppernongs. That's it.

That's it. Pickled scuppernongs.

Mmm! That's really righteous.

You know,
Uncle Jesse always said that his sauce...

...could save a marriage
if you used it regular.

Let's have that.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

-You know, I just noticed...
COOTER: Hm?

...you are a very attractive man.

You've been calling her three days
and she's not in.

Yeah, and her mom won't tell me
where she is either.

What the heck is this?

[MUSIC PLAYING]
[PEOPLE WHOOPING]

GABBY: Baby.
BO: All right.

GABBY:
Oh, I miss you.

BALLADEER: True to his promise, Toby Keith
came back for the groundbreaking.

[TOBY KEITH SINGING
"HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!"]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Whoo!

Thank you. Thank you.

We have a very special guest...

...recording star and Grammy winner,
Anita Blackwell.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Thanks, Toby.

-Wanna stay up and jam with me?
-Yeah.

[SINGING "I COULD LOVE
A MAN LIKE THAT"]

Yeah! Come on!

-Whoo!
-Yeah!

Boy, wouldn't Uncle Jesse
have loved this?

[ENGLISH SDH]