Original subtitles

Pity with me the plight of the warm water mammal known as the sperm whale.

Man's continued desecration of the sea has left the species' future bleak,

virtually hopeless.

He said sperm.

Yeah.

The only hope for these lovable, gentle giants is that perhaps the young people

of today will grow up more caring.

more understanding, more sensitive to the very special needs of the creatures

the earth.

Did you fart?

What's this?

This is that movie.

Is this lethal

weapon? Yeah.

You play Unchain My Heart.

I'm done singing for tonight.

You ain't got to sing it.

Just play it.

Yeah, play it.

Play it, dumbass.

Hit him.

Kick him. Kick him. Kick him.

Unchain my heart.

Baby, let me be.

Whoa.

Maybe you shouldn't have played it. Yeah.

Hey,

that's that dude from Saturday Night Live. Yeah.

The Blues Brother.

Don't do that spastic thing.

Yeah.

Hey, Beavis.

What is he?

Yeah. Who is he?

Is he quit Guns N' Roses because Axl's a wuss? Yeah.

He kicked Axl's ass.

He kicked him.

He kicked him.

He hit him.

Settle down, Beavis.

You're going to hose your shorts.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa,

look at that

car. Yeah.

It's all, like, long.

Mass transit is cool.

Yeah. I like mass transit, too.

Community service is cool.

Yeah.

Doesn't this cart belong to that big fat dude?

Yeah.

Steal it.

That would be cool.

It doesn't get any better than this, dude.

Hey, come on.

Who do I got to boff around here to get a pizza? You know the drill, Billy Bob.

It's just like I told you after your first coronary and your second.

And your sixth. You've got to eat right. You've got to exercise. And you've got

to eat me.

Please eat me, Billy Bob, and the big, moist, and delicious slab of Canadian

bacon with butter and maple syrup on top and powdered sugar, too.

And listen to me, Billy.

Billy Bob, you've got to count calories. You've got to avoid saturated fats, and

you've also got to avoid stress.

I'm hot.

I'm tasty.

I bet you just can't wait until my juices are dribbling down your chin, can

Billy Bob?

And most important of all, keep that temper of yours under control.

Punch it, Beavis.

Now, this might

be just the tiniest bit uncomfortable, Mr. Gillerman, but if you'll just relax.

Try the morphine.

It's excellent today.

That was cool.

Yelling is cool.

He's taking a shower because he's dank.

Yeah. Drums are cool.

Is this about, like, the Earth?

No, it's about the firemen.

Whoa,

cool.

The fatter they are, the fatter they fall.

I think he's dead.

He got a wallet?

Ooh, he's breathing.

Better zap him.

Don't skimp on the gravy.

Whoa, we're heroes, Beavis.

We saved a life. And we got 11 bucks out of his shorts.

Yeah.

Chicks aren't as cool as a cycle slut.

Yeah. And L7.

Yeah.

Hey,

button. Are you sure these are chicks?

They better be.

They're giving me a woodrow.

Yeah. Me too.

It just isn't what it used to be, Viva.

And as I walked down 2nd Avenue towards St. Mark's Place where all those people

had used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a

next to a broken toaster. I had to buy it off them.

I don't know.

Even sometimes it's a pity.