Original subtitles

Golly, Sarge, don't make me scrub the latrine again.

Hey, Beaver, you know what's in Olivia Newton's John?

Gomer's pile.

Get it? Yeah.

You're sending that many men up against Rambo?

Well, just don't forget one thing. What's that?

A good supply of... This lock bag.

They're ideal for storing meats.

And now, back to the deer hunter.

Whoa, that was cool.

Whoa, I saw that guy in detention.

Yeah, he doesn't want to sit up because he's got morning wood.

Rise and shine.

This is stupid.

Yeah. And it sucks, too.

These effects aren't very special.

Yeah. These effects suck.

If I got a hat like that, I could be a lead singer.

I would be cool.

Yeah.

I'd like to fire, but they need some chicks in tight shorts.

Then it would be cool.

Yeah, with clothes up on their butt.

Yeah.

Gentlemen, my name is Sergeant Dick Leakey. Some call me the Rooster.

Wah, wah, wah, wah.

Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster.

War songs are cool.

Yeah. At ease, man.

Why don't you come on inside? I'd like to talk to you about finding your

in life.

This is our purpose.

Yeah. How about something more ambitious than loitering, boys?

I'll let you touch my MX -35 grenade launcher.

I said you could touch it, not grab it!

So, you boys know anyone in the military?

Uh, Beavis' dad was in the Navy.

Is that right?

Yeah. He was a seaman.

Yeah. Get it?

Nothing funny about the military, boy. Grab a seat. There's a short film I'd

like you to see.

In Operation Help in Hand, we used heavy metal to scare the enemy, and we did

more than just scare them.

We killed more people before 7 a .m. than some countries kill all day.

There's something really satisfying about doing your job well.

Today's army rock.

We're looking for a few good headbangers.

Whoa, that was cool.

Yeah, he looked like a lead singer in Pantera.

That ought to get him.

You idiots! That's a live grenade!

Are you kids on dope? That grenade's gonna blow!

Whoa, that was cool.

Yeah, that was kind of cool.

Listen up, man. The way I see it, you owe me one.

I'll be honest with you.

Being in the United States Army is an important job, and it's not always easy

finding the best people. Do you know what a quota is?

Uh, you mean like 25 cents?

No. I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades, and uniforms.

I'll get you a delayed entry, and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix.

Is that anywhere near Fort Nuts?

Yeah.

All you have to do is sign. And if you decide you don't like the army, there

ways to get out.

So, what do you say, boys?

Does this mean that Beavis will have to shave his butt?

Listen, you maggots! I took a bullet for Uncle Sam! And if you dirtbags don't

sign these papers, you're gonna take a bullet from me!

Uh, this deal sounds pretty good.

You know, free explosives?

Uh, yeah. If you're gonna sign up, I guess I will, too.

Very good.

Seems you boys are listed by signing yourself a rank. So, which one of you

signed up as Major Woody and Private Park?

Why, you little pinkos!

This kicks ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ryan Johnson looks like he's taking a dump.

Yeah, man.

He's constipated to his own.

You think we're on, like, a highway to hell?

Yeah.

These guys dress cool.

Yeah. They always wear the same thing.

Yeah.

Hey, we always wear the same thing.

Yeah.

I've had this shirt on for six months.

Yeah.

I've had this shirt on for seven months.

That was cool.

I got his bullets. What'd you get?

That was cool.

Smoke.

Yeah, smoke is cool.

Whoa,

this video's cool.

Yeah.

These guys should be on TV constantly.

What's he saying?

I'm a drag?

I'm a drag.

He's saying mama drag.