Original subtitles

What in tarnation's a skyscraper? It's a very tall building, Mr. Clampett.

What in tarnation's a building?

It's a structure where people live or work. With all your money, you could

easily erect one.

What in tarnation's a... Did someone say wreck?

Uh... Who in tarnation are you?

Cause I reckon I can wreck things as well as any boy can.

You sure can.

Yeah. Me too.

Hey, Beavis. We need to, like, strike oil just like those dudes.

Then we'll be able to get money and chicks and stuff.

Yeah.

We are there.

We're there.

Aspen Extreme.

That movie sucked.

I sat through that whole damn fucking movie for two hours, and that chick

got naked.

Yeah.

That's a good thing we snuck into that movie, because if we had to pay, I would

have been...

kicking ass all over the place. Yeah, really. How could she not get naked when

they say ass right in the title? Yeah.

Whoa.

I don't know if they're, like, rap dudes skied. I don't think these are real rap

dudes, but... Yeah.

They thought if they, like, went to a ski resort that they'd be sure that no

real rap dudes would find them and beat the crap out of them.

It's the only place they're safe.

They'd probably, like, sit around the corner and, like...

Have their, like, big 40 -ouncers of hot chocolate. Yeah.

No chicks, no butts.

Give me the marshmallows, biatch.

Change the channel, buddy. I've had enough of this.

Okay, I think it's over, though.

Oh, good, it's over.

No, no.

Uh, now it's over.

Oh, okay, now it's over.

Ah, oh, no.

Damn it.

Come on, change it, buddy. This song's never gonna end.

What a bunch of...

Butt munchers.

Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Ooh, I've seen these guys before.

Oh, you haven't, Levi. We've never seen this.

Yes, I have.

Ah!

I've been having nightmares about these guys. What is this?

Come on, buddy, change it. This is freaking me out.

Levi, if you would.

Ah! Look, he's looking at me!

How could you be scared of these guys?

You don't understand what I mean.

You ever seen what these guys do? I have these nightmares. It's like they tie me

to a chair. Mm -hmm. And they're like, they dance around me and look at me and

go, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink.

And then I get medieval on my ass.

Ah, he's waving at me.

And it's like they're smiling because, like, they know what they're going to do

to me. And you know what else freaks me out?

It's like they have nabs on their head, see? See?

They're just dancing around now, but pretty soon they're going to do it, see?

Those aren't nabs.

Those are, like, antennae.

Well, but, I mean, how do you know there aren't, like, nabs inside the antennae?

Ah, no, not the beach ball! No!

No! Ah!

Ah!

No, no, come on, come on! Besides, it's like... I think they use those antennas

to, like, receive evil messages.

Are you a woofy?

Oh, good. I think it's over.

Digging for oil sucks.

It sucks.

Hey, Beaver.

We're in a hole.

Oh, yeah.

Hole.

Hey,

butthead, butthead.

I just, like, felt something.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, no, no. I mean, I felt something, like, with my shovel.

Come here, check it out.

It's oil!

It's oil! Why didn't we track oil?

It's oil!

Cool.

A bubbling crude.

Oil, that is.

Black gold.

Oil smells like turd. Yeah.

I bet that's why it's so expensive.

Yeah.

We're gonna be rich.

We're gonna be rich.

Yeah, me too. We're there, dude.

Yeah.

Um, we're, like, still here.

I thought we were gonna be rich.

Uh, hmm, let's see.

Can folks said Jed move away from there?

Uh, I think we need to, like, sell it and stuff first.

Oh, yeah.

Cool.

Well, I guess we found the break in the sewage line.

Damn, and I just showered day before yesterday.

What in the hell?

Uh, we're like filling oil.

Black gold.

Oil rules.

Well, it sure as hell does.

You know, boys, I keep a 30 -gallon drum of oil in my garage.

But oil is highly combustible. It has to be handled properly. You can't just go

door to door. Oil smells like turd.

Yeah, like expensive turd. And you and me are going to tangle if one

drop of that gets on my property.

Uh, so, like, how many barrels would you like, sir?

Yeah, you don't have all day.

Damn it, boys. Get that barrel of crap the hell out of here now.

What a dumbass.

Get out here and pick this stuff up.

Yeah, real.

Hey, buddy, check it out.

A robber.

Oh, yeah.

Is that Alice Cooper?

Uh, this is a chick, Beavis.

This is an all -chick band.

Oh, yeah.

You couldn't put Alice Cooper in an all -chick band anyway, because, like, all

the chicks would, like, just be all over him. Yeah.

It'd be the same way if I was in an all -girl band.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like me.

Well,

that chick can punch.

I think that was a dude, Beavis.

Don't wait, butthead. That's a chick.

It's one of those girl boxers.

That's cool. They can kick ass.

They get in the ring and bitch slap each other.

Viva, that's not a chick. That's a dude.

No, it's not. You bet it's an all -girl band.

It's like an all -girl band. They get a chick boxer. Whoa, look at the nads on

that chick.

Viva, chicks don't have nads. How many times do I have to tell you that?

I know that, butthead.

I just thought maybe, like, you know, maybe they put them on, you know,

she was fighting.

Like clip -on man?

You're a damn weirdo, Beaver.

And you're stupid, too.

Shut up.

And chicks don't like you.

Shut up, butthead.

Some chicks like me.

You fart knockers trying to steal our oil?

No. But we fixed your sewage leak.

Uh, sewage?

That doesn't come out of the ground, dumbass.

It comes from, like, toilets and stuff.

No, it doesn't.

It comes out of your ass, dumbass.

Yeah.

It comes out of your butt, butt munch.

It comes out of your weed, dill weed.

Uh... Yeah.

Uh... It, uh... Uh... Wait, I got one.

Uh... Oh, man.

Is that the Jon Stewart show?

Uh... No, that's on another channel now. I think this is, uh...

Uh... Whoa.

That was cool.

Thanks.

I was talking about the chick scream, Bela.

Mine was pretty cool.

That sounds kind of like one of those records you get for Halloween.

Like those sound effect records of people screaming and stuff.

Halloween is cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Remember that old lady down the street that used to, like, give all the kids

donuts that she made herself?

Mm -hmm.

It's like her husband was dead and her kids were all grown up and lived away.

Yeah, I remember that. So it's like the only thing in life that really made her

happy was making these homemade donuts for the kids on Halloween.

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Mm -hmm. But then I told everybody that she

was, like... Putting drugs in them and needles and stuff.

You got arrested.

Hell yeah.

That was kind of messed up, but it... Yeah.

But it shut up and took it out.

I should hook up with this chick.