Original subtitles

Give me a bite of that, butthead. Come on.

No way.

This burrito rules.

Come on, give me a bite.

No way.

Get your own.

Butthole. I'm going to take it.

Yeah? And I'll kick your ass.

I warned you, Beavis. I'm going to kick your ass.

No way.

Put it down.

Fuck your ass, butthole.

Put it down, butthole.

Whoa.

Hey, buddy, look what I found.

Uh, what is it?

Um, I don't know, but it's mine. Come on, Beaver. You're supposed to, like,

share and stuff.

Whoa, cool.

Uh, what is it?

Um, something.

Uh, yeah.

Cool.

Happiness. You said penis.

That's what I tell you. I know.

Why do you think they call it happiness?

Oh, yeah, yeah, because, like, you know, it's like your wiener. When your wiener

is happy, you're happy.

Yeah.

You know, I wasn't feeling very good when the song started, but I feel pretty

good now.

Feeling pretty happy.

Shiny.

Shut up, Beavis. You're a miserable piece of crap.

Shut up, butthead.

I'm happier than you.

No way, Beavis.

You're miserable because, like, nobody likes you, chicks don't like you, you're

not good at anything.

Yeah, but I'm...

I'm hung like a horse.

Yeah, feeling pretty good.

Shiny, happy people.

Shiny, happy people.

What the hell is this thing?

Say,

is that an S523X?

What?

Uh, yep. Well, that sure is a nice camera.

Uh, thanks.

Hey, Beavis, it's like a camera.

Yeah, I know.

I heard him, butthead.

Uh, what should we do with it?

Let's break it.

No way.

Let's, like, take some pictures first, then break it.

Yeah, okay.

Check this out.

Yeah.

Hey, butthead, check this out.

Peek -a -boo!

Yeah.

Say cheese.

Yeah. Okay.

Cool.

Better get one of the captain.

Smile.

Let me do it.

I'm going to have to get you to stand up straight.

Move over to the left a little.

All right, Beavis.

Now let's break it. Yeah.

Cool.

Cool.

Whoa. Check it out, Beavis.

Instructions or something.

Uh, it says, uh, this bag, bag,

uh, belongs to, uh, reward.

Venus, pick up those pieces. There's a reward.

Really? Cool.

This is it, dude.

Yeah, this is gonna be cool.

Uh...

Oh, my God, my God.

My God, my babies.

Oh, I've missed you so.

Good Lord, you've been violated.

Uh, sir, you know, like, uh, the reward?

Yeah, yeah, the reward.

Now. Oh, yes, yes.

Please, come and sit down.

Thank you so much for returning my precious pieces.

Without them, I was thrust into a creative void. The eyes of the master,

blinded. Are you familiar with my work?

Uh, no.

Yeah, worth of money.

Money. You canker sore.

Is that all you care about?

Get out!

Cool. Yeah, yeah.

Look at that guy back there.

Why would you shoot his nads? I can see that.

If you hadn't been looking at that guy's nads, you might have seen the chick's

butt that was upside down at the bottom.

Or the butt.

It was right next to her leg.

Really?

Damn it, I always do that.

He has a boner.

Well, this sucks.

Yeah, this sucks.

Look at that. That guy with the pin in his cheek, you know, the guy with the

boner. It's like he's bored and he's in the video. Yeah.

Check it out. He's got a face painted on his stomach.

If I was him, though, I'd paint a butt on my stomach, and then my belly button

would be the butthole.

Yeah, but you could just, like, you know, show your real butt.

And that would be faster and, like, more realistic.

Dumbass.

No, no, no. I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I paint the butt on my

stomach. Beavis, you're going to have about four buttholes if you don't shut

Not my fault if you don't understand, butthead.

Dumbass.

No, dude, you're thinking of that song that goes... Oh, really?

Oh, look at the cockroach! He ran it back!

Yeah.

That's cool.

Cockroaches, like, hang around people who are all filthy.

Yeah, these guys are filthy.

Hey, buddy, what's your favorite bug?

I don't know. I guess whatever bug I happen to be squashing is my favorite.

Yeah.

You know, Butthead, sometimes when you squash a bug, like this tobacco stuff

comes out of them.

Yeah. I tried chewing some of that stuff once, but it didn't do anything for me.

I like it when you squash a cockroach and that white stuff comes out of them.

And it looks like a junior man. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But it doesn't taste like a junior man.

Astounding.

I've never seen anything like it.

The soulful expressions are so deeply relevant.

I'm sorry. I'm overcome.

Are you okay, Chastity? Can we please sit down?

I can only aspire to maybe someday communicate in this fashion.

I don't know. I'm so confused.

I mean, where does the genesis of brilliant statements such as these come

Whoa.

Beavis, you've got to get a whiff of this.

No way, butthole!

Cut it out!

That was cool.

Well, guess I'm gonna take a leak.

No way, Beaver.

I get to take a leak when the video's fucked.

No way, butthead.

I got it first.

Yeah, but I have to take a dump.

That's more important.

No way, butthead.

I'm going to take a dump, too. I was just, like, you know, embarrassed.

Well, you snooze, you lose.

Hey, buddy.

Guess I'll go take a leak.

Stay on that damn couch.

Hey, buddy.

Are you almost done in there?

Just a few more minutes.

If I'm going to take a leak.

What are you doing, Beavis?

Never come into the bathroom while I'm taking a dump.

What are you talking about? You're not taking a dump.

What are you doing?

I just haven't started yet. Get out of here, Beavis. You're just hanging out in

here. Damn it, Beavis.

Go back and watch the damn video.

I'm like, face down.