Original subtitles

Steve, my career as a leading molecular biologist seems far away.

Yeah, but I'm not.

Damn, you're smooth.

Whoa.

We gotta get us one of those.

You mean like a testicular biologist?

No, dill hole, a beard.

We don't score because chicks don't think we're manly enough.

Oh, yeah. What if we had like a fake ID?

No way, Beavis. A beard is better.

It looks cool.

You know, like ZZ Top.

Oh, yeah. Cool.

So how do we get one?

It's supposed to grow in, I guess.

Uh -oh.

Oh, damn it.

Hey, buddy.

Wasn't that ever cool?

I think this might have been cool when we were like five years old.

Oh, yeah.

I think my mom used to like sing this song like as a lullaby when I was going

sleep.

Really?

Yeah.

Whoa.

These chicks look like real slut.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I think these chicks are really slut.

Yeah, hey.

Slut.

Slut.

Slut.

You know what else? Like, these chicks are all like sophomores.

Yeah, that's cool.

Hey, Beavis, I just got an idea.

What?

They should have a show, you know, like Cop, only they should call it Flut, and

they just, like, follow these Fluts around with a camera.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they could have, like, Flut in Houston, and then, like,

Fluts in Phoenix, you know, just like Cop.

I have a really good idea about it.

Yeah.

This guy keeps going, I want a woman.

But it's like, I want a woman too, but I'm not out there singing some crappy

song about it.

Yeah, but it's like, so we want the woman. So what?

So does everybody.

I do like the fluff.

Yeah. That's cool.

Hey, butthead, how's my beard look?

Uh, almost there, dude.

How's it look now?

Yeah. Uh.

Maybe we're supposed to, like, put water on it.

How about now?

Dammit, Beavis, it's not working.

This sucks.

We'll never score without beards.

Uh, well, there's something we could do.

Yeah, spank our monkeys?

No, dumbass.

Just leave it to me.

Beards rule.

Damn, you're smooth.

Ow! That hurt!

Hold still, asswipe.

Don't mess up my hair, bunghole.

Don't worry, dude.

I'm making you look cool.

Whoa!

I'm, like, even more cool looking than normal.

Yeah. Okay, dude.

It's beard time.

Uh... Uh, words, uh, words, uh.

It's a view on wood.

Yeah. It's really cool.

Uh, okay.

Now get the hair I cut off.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Here we go. Right there.

If I'm over there.

Whoa.

You look old.

Cool.

Get up, bath wipe. It's my turn.

Okay.

Like, uh, this one hurt a bit or something.

Check it out, dude.

I'm so smooth, I got a beard on my hands.

Yeah.

These chicks must not like dudes or something.

Relax, Beavis.

It's like they say, when you're gonna walk the walk, you gotta, uh, talk too.

What's that supposed to mean?

We gotta hit on the chicks, Ass Munch.

Otherwise, they'll think we're, like, all looks.

Hey, baby.

Hey,

baby.

Check out my hands.

Yeah. Damn, we're smooth.

Wanna, like, stroke my beard?

Yeah.

Stroke it.

We're gonna call the cops if y 'all don't leave us alone.

That's fucked.

Yeah. Whoa.

Check out those chicks over there.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

Yeah.

What's that crap all over you?

It's like our beards.

Yeah. Damn, we're smooth.

Those aren't beards. You just glued some hair on your faces.

Don't you know that beards went out in, like, the 80s? Uh, look. Do you chicks

want to make out or do you just want to play games?

Why don't you boys lose the beards, cut back on the wanking, and try us again

in, like, ten years?

Yes!

Um, hey, buddy.

How'd they know we've been whacking?

Hey, that's too close. Back off.

Yeah.

Hey,

buddy. You think these guys are European?

You're a peon. I'm a peon. Everybody's a peon.

It's like, we got enough crap over here in this country.

Why do we need to go to Europe to get more?

Yeah, yeah, really. That's a good point.

I mean, you know, I want to watch something that's like a piece of crap.

It's like, you know, I'll just watch it right here. You know what I'm saying?

We're trying to act like you're smart, Viva.

Dumbass.

He bought it.

Ace of Bates sucks.

This isn't Ace of Bates, Viva. I know.

I just felt like saying Ace of Bates sucks.

I mean, these guys suck too, but you know, like, Ace of Bates, ooh, they

Like,

in

this video, there's really like nothing going on.

They might as well just, like, play the song on the radio.

Yeah, then you could just, like, turn the radio off.

Oh, yeah, hey, then it'd be even better.

If it was, like, just the chick and the music, you know, that part would be all

right.

Hurry up, dude.

We've got to look good for those chicks in ten years.

Yeah, beards went out in the 80s.

Yeah.

I know it's in here somewhere.

Okay, like, uh, hold still and, like, don't move.

Yeah. Here we go.

You half -wife.

Whoa. You look really cool now.

Damn, you're smooth.

Yeah, yeah.

Da -da. Da -da -da -da. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You see that chicks flying all over each other? Yeah.

Fight, fight.

Whoa. Check this out, buddy.

It's like, it starts out pretty cool, and it's like, it starts rocking more

more. Watch, watch. Check it out. Here it comes.

Okay. Yeah, it's right here. It's right here. Here it comes.

I get the point, Beaver.

Will you shut up so I can hear it? Yeah.

I think that's, like, one of those beds that, like, folds into a couch. Oh,

yeah, yeah.

How come he sold it?

Because he probably got, like, a big bed, so he didn't need it anymore.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe he got tired of, like, people, like, just crashing in his house and

sleeping on it. So he sold it.

And then it's like, you wrote a cool song about it.

Oh, my fault, John.

Yeah.

And then you had a bunch of fights happen in the video.

Yeah. Yeah, come on. You want to do something about it? You think you're

Come on, let's go. Come on, right now.

I don't think there's anybody on TV that you could kick ass on.

Except for, like, maybe Urkel. I don't know about it.

Urkel's pretty big now.

He's like 6 '7 or something.