Original subtitles

you

[Music]

oh it's

you'll have to wait cuz they hav't

finished the tea bit late aren't they

it's a do it's what I do you know the

company oh I see it's a sort of party

and they're having high tea roast pork

stamp Pai salmon and salad trifle two

kinds of jellies lemon cheese tats Jam

tats Swiss Tarts sponge cake walnut cake

chocolate roll and a pound cake from

last Christmas is that all no there's

white bread brown bread current teacake

one of them big c tats from Gregor's and

a lot of cheese it is a de isn't it and

a little brown jug a little brown jug

you know what that is don't you don't

you hey well I never did little brown

jugs will drop a rum for your tea

they're getting right Lively on it but

you don't come from Round Here do you

no I come from near R if father Works in

pit so does our Frank and our

Wilfred there's a bell ringing somewhere

I know it's for me let her wait she's

run me off my legs today and Mrs n's in

kitchen she can do a bit for a change

there's seven of them at it in dining

room hold them and ell well at M of

course then there's counselor Albert

Parker and Mrs Parker Mr Herbert soet

and Mrs

soit and of course Miss Holmes oh Miss

Holmes is there is she yes but she

stopped

eating you're courting her aren't you

what oh I saw you both the other night

near cly Woods I was out myself with our

milkman's

lad I don't look like that I won't tell

on you now look here um what's your name

Ruby burtle well Ruby you wouldn't like

Miss Holmes to get into a row here with

her uncle and Aunt um would you no I

wouldn't like that but I like that

Shilling you said Miss Holmes had

finished eating yes you can't put it

away like some of them I'd rather keep

counselor Albert Parker a week than a

fortnite you want to see her yes could

you just give her the tip quietly that

I'm here if the rest of them aren't

coming in here yet oh not then you think

they've been Pine for a month where

they're going at it I'll tell her oh she

better come around that way through

Greenhouse oh here that's right Mrs

narro I see no right about it you Ging

here as if you own place instead of

getting on with your work she's run for

you twice and I've just taken another

lot of about water in now go on you

little crack

Parts hey aren't you organist at Chapel

yes oh well they've got it in for you

how do you know I heard him say so I

don't miss much so that's why Mr hel

will ask me to come around and see him

that's it there's three of them here

tonight did

oh big men at

Chapel you've been enjoying yourself a

bit too much I fancy lad so that's it is

it all and you know what I say I say to

Willam

Gerald

Nancy no Gerald you mustn't not

here no Gerald

please now listen Gerald and be

sensible this is serious you know why

Uncle Joe sent for you they've got it in

for me I've just been told it's serious

Gerald they've been grumbling about you

for some time and now as far as I can GA

one of these miserable old beasts saw

you late one night with me oh I say you

weren't recognized were you no but you

were well that's not so bad as long as

they can't drag you into it I know how

strict your aunt is and you can't afford

to quarrel with them yet who we're ready

to be married no but you can't either

Gerald and they're going to be very

cross with you you'll have to be awfully

careful what you say to them and there's

that beastly counselor Parker here too

and you loath him don't you oh

absolutely

and I'll loath him more than ever now

that he's full of roast pork and

trifle I think I better give them time

to recover from that huge ghastly tuck

in they're having I should though

they've nearly finished

now if I clear out for half an hour or

so could you slip away too I might they

don't really want me here I'm in the way

you see it's an anniversary celebration

and I don't come into it at all what are

they celebrating

it's yorshire arus two of

them this is Miss hes old Manelli Well's

niece to does it still having the tea

leave me misses how do you do this is Mr

Henry Orman Roy our

photographer pleased to meet you I'm

sure delightful weather we're having for

the time of year isn't it oh it

is we uh seem to have come too early yes

I'm afraid you have what did that tell

you always wanted to rush things we

could have had time for at least a

couple more with my friend down at the

line is a chap used to have a very good

Little pepm Rock business on the Central

Pier

Blackpool when I had Miss Studio there

good old times you know

Mr Happy Days Happy

Days all right

Henry well I'm I'm sorry we ear matter

of fact don't know yet what this is all

about just got a message at the office

to come up here and bring a photographer

you see it's their silver wedding Oh

Henry it's Oldman helw Well's silver

wedding oh very nice I suppose yes but

not only me uncle and aunts there were

three couples my uncle and Aunt Mr and

Mrs soit Mr Mrs Parker would that be

counselor Albert Parker yes do you know

him yes we know him every time he opens

his mouth at the Town Hall he puts his

foot in it so they call him the foot

mouth

disease we're all three happy couples

here yes because they were all married

on the same morning in the same Chapel

they have a photograph a combined

Wedding Group you'll have to interview

them they'll tell you how happy they

feel oh yes I can see what you mean now

here you are all six of them on their

wedding morning don't they look absurd

in those clothes well to you yes but to

me no I was married myself about that

time now you see Fred what we need here

is another group in the very same

positions after 25 years wear and tear

very nice you're holding it upside down

Henry I know lad I know that's the way

we always look at him

professionally why the fers have been at

this is somebody s of bber Parker with a

screwdriver well if we're too early

we're too

early might nip back to the line Fred

lad

we'll be about an hour they're keeping a

very nice drop of beer down at the L

now so this was when they were all

married then September the

5th

83 yes

why what's the matter Gerald

J what is it oh don't be so mean they'll

be here in a

minute coming in Nancy quick we'll Dodge

out this

way you enjoy I don't think

so now uh what's wanted now is a good

cigar and I've got the very thing oh

that Mrs northr when she's fin fin they

washing up tonight she goes and goes for

good oh I'm quite right too they're all

the same answering back and you say

everything trouble with her is she likes

a drop I've smelt it before today now

then Albert you'll find that's a good

cigar ler owner thanks Joe as you know I

don't smoke a lot but when I do I like a

good cigar Herbert no I don't think I

will thanks Joe n Herbert I want a Jo

cigar oh if he' had it to pay for

himself he'd have been wanting one I

think I'd rather not smoke just now I

believe I ate too much at tea I know I

did yes and you'll be complaining before

night's out and so will Herbert now

that's something that never bothers me

no I've noticed that Albert what you

mean oh go on Albert you know what Joe

is must have his little Joe I know I

ought to have stopped long before I did

I mean at tea but Mariah everything was

so nice here is well I said to Joe now

Joe I said we'll only have just the six

of us but we'll make it an occasion and

do it well while we're at it I said

didn't I Joe did you you know very well

I did all right you did oh you know

quite well I did Joe hel well all right

all right all right all right you did

then yeah they're all alike wait till

somebody else is with you then try to

make you out a liar speak for yourself I

don't try make my wife out a liar do I

Annie well no Alber not really what you

mean not really I just don't that's

all good smoke Jo quite a good smoke it

reminds me of that cigar sir Aral Watson

gave me at the club not so long

since I was standing at fireplace

and you told them before well I can tell

him again can't I Mariah have you got a

copy of that old photograph we had taken

I couldn't find ours yes where is it

Joel

oh oh I laugh many a time when I think

of that morning six of us all so nervous

and Par and were still he was only like

two penny with a copper and I could have

given him a few years myself I think we

were about first in ever married I'm

sure we were I didn't feel I'd been

married properly of course you'd been

married properly if he'd been 90 and

doing it all his life he wouldn't have

been been married any better would you

I've forgotten his name now he was only

a temporary wasn't he I remember oh it

was a

tree Beach that's right Beach and need a

funny squint oh and the old

photo

CL did you say you miss yours yes see

cross breads are down again all and

they'll stay down with Australian Market

as it is if I've said it once I've said

it a thousand times if your marinos is

down and staying down then your

crossbreeds will have to follow now look

at

Marino sit down Joe we didn't come here

to talk about marinos this isn't wool

exchange here take a look at yourselves

and see what we took

on uh now wait a minute El that's right

Jo Ring We ought to do it in proper

style and drink our Hells before we go

any further further where that'll do

herit a bit of Fun's all right but you

go too far well I didn't mean that'll

do

well there's a tray with glasses on just

bring it in oh me how many par ofans do

you reckon I've got now then just tell

the thing Ruby to bring in the pork wine

on top of your

tea you'll be

poorly now did you hear that all right

Joe we don't want any trouble she goes

tonight and she doesn't come back no I

don't know what things are coming to all

the same answering back they all like

that class of people we have same

trouble at milk don't know when they

well off idle that's what they are born

idle and impudent back

answers yes but

I suppose they don't know any better

they know a lot better and what you want

to stick up for them for I can't think

now then Alber don't startop Fring but

just try and enjoy yourself for once

this is an

adversity and which reminds me Charlie

Pearson told me the other day they built

a new Wesley and Methodist Chapel up at

thoron and the op with an

anniversary anyhow uh this is ours so

let's have peace and good all around now

I thought we'd uh first drink a bit of a

toast to ourselves that was my idea then

uh I thought we'd have a bit of a chat

about old times and then we'd settle

down to a game of New Market that was my

idea too what the hangman does it matter

whose idea it was so long as we get on

with it and enjoy ourselves yes that's

the great

thing enjoy ourselves I told you to

leave that salmon alone hey Clara why

can't you have a bit of summon if he

fancies it because it doesn't fancy him

Joe hell that's why look at that time we

went to scarra it was bridling to it was

both and what did that doctor say you're

digging your grave with your teeth Mr

suffet here what you want to bring them

all for one bottle at a time is enough

Mrs nrop said you better have lot while

you was acting well in future just take

your orders from me and not Mrs Northrop

now just Trot along well have and no

lip Mrs nrop says she's not coming here

again no we know all about you now let

it be

[Music]

jew do you know what we ought to do for

this we ought to get just in the same

places we were in that old

photo where is it you are oh yes there

it is lovely now then I was in the

middle of course and Anna you were

here Clara over to the side here Albert

behind Annie of course and her butt

there yes that's lovely yes I

remember T is to me and my wife's

husband oh let's have none of that silly

business

Joe a few serious words is what's wanted

oh must you Albert what do you mean must

I what's wrong with a few serious words

on an occasion like this marriage is a

serious business that's right Albert

where'd we be without it single that'll

do

Herbert marriage well marriage to begin

with well it's an institution isn't it

that is so one of the oldest

institutions it goes

back right back

to well goes right back and it's still

going strong today why well because let

me finish Joel let me

finish why is it still going strong

today because it is the backbone of a

decent respectable Life True Albert true

where would women be without marriage

and where'd some of you men be all right

I'm coming to that well don't be too

long Albert I want to try this

part marriage may be a bit more

necessary to women than it is to men

why

why children you see any oh oh yes I

forgot on the other I'm talking now if

you

please but if a woman wants a home and

security and a respectable life which

she gets from Marriage a man wants

something he wants all he can get he

wants a nice comfortable home somebody

to tell his troubles to and so forth oh

that's good Albert they and so for now

Joe well cuty short so as we're all

gathered here together together to

celebrate the anniversary of our joint

Wedding Day

friends I give you the toast of marriage

Mar marriage very nice Albert thank

you it'll go straight to my head you

remember that time at harri I could have

St through the floor when that way to

laugh now wait a

minute that's all right as far as it

goes n damn it Jo no we must have

another

to just for

ourselves now I bet it isn't often

there's three couples can meet like this

who we all wed on the same morning

together now then I don't act silly but

my face gets so red now uh is to all of

us and uh the Reverend Mr what's his

name Beach who tied us up wherever he is

to him

no not well I told yach chagus to send

somebody around to have a word with her

oh are you going to have a piece of the

paper they don't want to catch his not

oh

no is it yor sh Aus no it's Mr Forbes

talking is from Chapel it came a and

then went away again tell him to

wait you know about this business Albert

you two Herbert well yes but but nothing

you're too soft Herbert no I'm always

telling himself it's Chapel organist he

paid for job and either he behaves

himself properly or he goes he' go

anyhow if of my say no Albert he's not a

bad young fellow now you shut up Annie

you don't know half of what we know and

I bet we don't know half there is to

know about that chop he should never

have been appointed I said so then I say

so now I know me own mind I wish

sometimes you'd keep a bit of it to

yourself what does that mean

hello love where have you been oh just

out a minute you don't want me auntie do

you because if you don't I thought I'd

put me hat and coat on and go and see if

Muriel Spence is in all

right there's that uh jald forbs waiting

outside your uncle has something to say

to him now don't go talking to him I

should think not just say hello or good

evening and leave it at that the less

you have to do with that chat the better

Nancy

oh what's funny about that oh I'm sorry

Uncle I just remembered something that

amused

me now what's got hold of her oh she's

at silly age they don't know half the

time whether to laugh or cry when

they're

that well Clara Hy we'll leave the men

to it I expect that's what they want

certainly after all its Chapel business

well we want to go upstairs anyhow uh

that's right I haven't seen what Joe

bought me

yet but don't take too long over him him

it wouldn't take me long it'll take me

less long cuz I don't make

speeches yeah we'll put these out it way

I said from him first it's a bad

appointment to begin with he's too young

well I don't think that matters much

trouble with you Herber is you don't

think anything matters much and that's

just where you're wrong young Fabs is a

southerner all I was coming to that have

him in no let him wait a bit do him good

no as soon as they told me he's a

southerner and his name's Gerald I said

we don't want him I said L da that's

what you're going to get from him L da

what wanted at Lane end begest Chaple

for miles around any amount of money in

congregation there's a bit of good old

Yorkshire organ playing and choir

training I said we don't want L die how'

you do also charm to make your

acquaintance delightful weather we

having him you know what I call all that

stuff yes l d Albert's right we made a

mistake mind you a good qualification it

seemed a nice quiet lad but I must say

after all Sam force a chapel didn't seem

right we an organist who goes around

wearing one of these pink shirts and

knitty ties and creases in his trousers

he so L die and look at his Messiah I

warned him I said to him myself I said I

know it's a Christmas piece but you got

to get in quick before all the others

right Albert after end of November

there's been so many of them you might

as well take your Messiah and throw it

into Canal yeah look what happened ill

Ro Baptist gave Messiah Salem gave

Messiah Tong congregational gave Messiah

pickle Brook wesan gave Messiah and

where was L end well when we did get it

it was a good one I'm not saying it

wasn't but by that time who cared anyhow

all that's a detail the point is we

can't have any carrying on can not there

I agree Jo I should think so too

organist at lanan Chapel carrying on

what kind of game May do down south it

won't do up here we're all agreed on

that right

then well have him in

all

right I wouldn't do that do what but

what have you got in your hand this

cigarette what why under the

circumstances young man you don't think

it might be better more suitable more

fitting if you didn't smoke that just

now oh all right that's how you feel

about it well you wanted to talk to me

about something didn't you we're did we

do if I had my way we'd have been

talking to you long since well not very

long since because I haven't been up

here very long no you haven't been up

here very long and I don't think you'll

be able be very much longer Albert just

let me get a word in

Mr Forbes you are organist at our Lane

in Chapel and that's the biggest place

of worship around here and this is a

very respectable neighbor and we a lot

of money behind it you have a paid

appointment as organist and choir Master

yes though it doesn't keep me you know

Mr hell no but because you are our

organist you're able to get pupils and

various extra jobs so you don't do so

bad out of it no I'm quite satisfied for

the time being oh you're quite satisfied

for the time being you're satisfied

that's what I I said Mr Parker counselor

Parker Alder Manelli well counselor

Parker Mr soit plain mud now listen lad

let me finish you we want to keep calm

about this and just keep calm I'm quite

calm you're a dam sight too calm for my

liking young man you ought to be sitting

there looking right ashamed of yourself

instead of looking looking well as you

do look but you haven't told me what's

wrong yet wrong you're wrong and

carrying arms wrong some Chapel they

might care what you did I don't know but

laye end has a position to keep up we're

respectable people and naturally we

expect our organists to behave

respectively yes I think you have been

very careless Mr Forbes and there really

has been a lot of grumbling for one

thing you've been seen out late at night

with girls girls it may be the same L

each time for all I know but if what I

hear is true whoever she is she ought to

be ashamed of herself my word if she'd

out to do with me I'd teach her a sharp

lesson someone saw you gallivanting away

late at night at morom on it gets round

you know yes it gets round yes so it

seems but I didn't think you'd find it

worthwhile to listen to a lot of silly

gossip don't stop taking that tone what

tone can I take I say a lot of silly

gossip steady steady silly gossip old

women's twaddle ah that'll do just

remember you're not much more than a lad

yet we're nearly twice your age and we

know what's what well what is what then

this is what we're not having any more

of this either behave yourself or get

back to where you came from you're not

going to make us a laughing stock in a

buer word in neighborhood now this is a

fair warning I haven't done anything I'm

ashamed of well what does that prove if

a Chap's got chck of a brass monkey

never any do out he's ashamed of why

should I be care I tell him to his face

what I've always said behind his back he

ought never to have been appointed he's

carrying on not getting to what

respectable for my thing shouldn't be

given anymore warning should he should

be sent back to where he came from that

he can carry on as much as he likes

can't we mustn't be too hard we must

give young men just another chance I'm

not sure I should if this was any other

time but now damn it this is a festive

occasion we must take it easy a bit so

uh I'm giving you a last chance to mend

yourself and uh yet you think yourself

lucky catching me this humor it just

happens we're all celebrating the

anniversary of our wedding day uh all

three of us I we've all been married 25

years today

what are you shaking your head about

well you see Mr hywell I beg your pardon

Alderman helwell I'm rather afraid you

haven't been married 25 years what do

you think we can't count lad no I don't

mean that but I'm afraid you've only

been living together all this time

living together well I'll knock your

head right off your shoulders lad if you

start talking like that to me no no no

I'm not trying to insult you I mean what

I say mean what you say you're wrong in

your damn dead wait a minute Albert wait

a minute Joel we must listen to him he

means it means it means what you'll be

quiet for a minute I'll explain I

don't leave him be

Al leave him

be

thanks Mindy bu smoke

now I went to nor North Wales for my

holiday this summer is this part of it

cuz I don't care where you went for your

holidays I went to North Wales and I

only came back about a fortnight ago

while I was there I made the

acquaintance of a Parson who'd been in

Africa for the last 20 years when he

learned that I was the organist of Lane

end Chapel kywi he became very excited

and then it turned out that he'd been at

Lane end himself for a short time about

25 years ago what was his name Beach

Francis Edwin Beach oh yes Beach we're

only talking about him tonight we

remember Mr Beach he married us you know

yes he married us five and 20 years ago

all three couples that's what we're

selling BR didn't you you know being

married 25

years go

on go

on I could see that something he

remembered about clly W and Lane end

worried him you might say Gent it was

preying on his mind it was gwing at his

conscience it was Haunting him it was

this a

recitation I must apologize if I'm

boring you gentlemen L da L da if you've

got anything to tell us for God sake

come out and tell us and D quite right

Albert well what did Mr Beach say he

didn't say anything well what you Ning

on about him for then wait a minute Joel

that's not all is it all I should think

not only you won't give me a chance I

said he didn't say anything but he wrote

something the letter only came two days

ago I have it here from the Reverend

Francis Edwin

Beach Dear Mr Forbes before returning to

Africa I feel I owe it both to you and

to myself to explain what you must have

found puzzling in my many references to

clly and Lane end Chapel although I was

only temporally at Lane end I could not

forget it for there I was guilty of the

most culpable negligence

I went to clly straight from college and

during those first few months I did not

realize that there were various forms I

ought to have signed and had witnessed

by Church officers so that one may be

recorded as an authorized person to

perform the ceremony of marriage

what the

ceremony of marriage the result was I

was not then an authorized person

fortunately during that short period I

was only called upon twice to marry

people but the first time there were no

less than three hopeful young couples

who imagined poor souls that I was

joining them in holy

wedlock when I was completely

unauthorized to did

so it signed all right too Frances Edwin

Beach and if you compare that signature

with the one in the chapel register

you'll see it's the same man no

deception why the bloody

donkey if we've never been married at

all now don't start working it out in

detail Herbert cuz it gets very ugly

very ugly as that lad of yours at

grammar school for instance I wouldn't

like to have to give him a name now

steady John well you see gets very ugly

keep your mind off details silver

wedding oh now don't you start neither

Albert

Jo when them three poor women

upstairs gets to know what they're

really are then to balloon goes up

proper talk about rompus you'll hear him

from here to leads Joe El butt they

mustn't know nobody must know well we've

been laughed right out of town what

Alderman aliwell counselor Albert Parker

all but stop it old big men at chap this

KS out we're finished we are Albert once

he got into papers papers all Christmas

is got to be kept from papers you'd

better give me that letter no this

letter St I'm sorry butt I don't trust

anybody with this letter but myself why

it's it's it's dynamite yes but it's

addressed to me and so it happens to be

my property you know oh he's right you

would have to put that in wouldn't you

dang me you're in this mess just as we

are aren't you anyway we have a position

to keep up even if you hav't it I'm only

saying he's right when he says it's his

property we had a case don't never mind

about that case think about this case

it's a whole truckload of cases this is

my letter

please now listen lad we know you only

want to do what's right right and uh we

happened to be a bit asy with you when

you first came in we didn't mean it it's

just a way of talking when Herbert sop

it there get started me I no you wor a

butt you can't denight it mind you I'll

tell you to your face what I've often

said behind your back you gave us best

Messiah and best Elijah we've ever had

at L easy easy best clly W and why I've

told them when they've asked me that

young fellow of ours is clever I said I

knew he had it in him I said yes you did

Joe and so did I I've always been on

your side I believe you have Mr soit you

can keep that letter tonight on one

condition that Mr soit has it thank you

Joe what's the idea of this that happens

to be the way I feel about it so either

give it back to me at once or hand it

over to Mr sopit he'll be answerable to

me for it certainly

certainly Knockin I heard that means

she's getting imp patient I expect Clara

has been ready to come down for some

time now I want to get on with

celebration chat about all times nice

game of C better be going uh no no no

take it easy no worry no worry at all I

expect Joe's got a nice cigar for you

somewhere certainly I have and a drink

of anything you fancy no thanks I must

be going now listen lad uh We've

admitted we've be nasty so just forget

about it will you now you see the mess

we're in through no fault of ours well

well I do yes and it is a mess isn't it

especially when you begin to think yeah

but don't you bother about thinking you

just try and forget you ever saw that

letter I we're all good friends the best

of friends now you've got to have a

cigar or two lad I insist and you're

going to promise US on your word of

Honor not to tell anybody anything about

this uh nasty business AR you all right

and you won't regret it lad good l

you hear that it's wife again you know

it's a funny thing about wives they're

always complaining what poor company you

are for them and yet they can't wait to

get back to you that's not cuz they

enjoy your company it's so they can see

what you're doing well what are we doing

wasting time now listen chaps we're in

no proper shape yet to face wives

they'll have it all out of this in 10

minutes and then fat will be in fire we

got to put our thinking caps on i'

suppose that Mr Beach couldn't have been

mistaken well we might take that letter

and get an expert opinion well have it

all over the town just put a case not

mention names I know what we'll do we'll

nip down to Club cuz we can talk it over

there in peace and quiet oh come on

chaps just as we are straight down to

club now young man you promised you

won't go back on your word NOP you're

safe with me good lad now wait here till

we've got off and then go out the front

way now come on albertt with no time to

lose and we go this

way straight to Club

have you been

listening

listening I should the I've been

listening I wouldn't have miss this if

it meant have an earache for a

week none of them rightly married at all

not one of them properly tied up the

guys are you made break break a dish bre

a dis I bre a d if I want to now not you

I dare you well then how about this then

[Laughter]

[Music]

well I must say this is a queer way of

going on well have just gone outside to

finish their smokes when Herbert takes

me out to enjoy myself I don't expect

him to be outside finishing any smokes

perhaps there' something they wanted to

talk over well they can talk it over

here can't they

hey well Ruby are they out there no they

aren't have you looked

properly well I couldn't miss three

grown men in a garden that size did you

look up and down the road like I told

you yes but they aren't

there didn't you hear them go no I was

back in kitchen all time doing washing

up that Mrs northop left me to it and

where was she then here somewhere a

fancy I I know she's gone like a d dead

though ever since she come back laughing

to herself like a proper B pot well ask

Mrs Northrop if she knows where they

went that noise you heard from upstairs

was a bit of this Mrs northrup's work

one of my best dishes gone and Ruby says

she just laughed stop it out of her

wages see if she can get a good laugh

out of that no patience with them I

thought she didn't look a nice woman one

of them idle drinking pieces or nothing

from back at Mill and I was in a hurry I

had to have somebody but she goes for

good tonight Mrs Northrock says they

wanted to have a nice quiet talk so they

went down to

club club club at T night of all nights

I do think it was a shame I never heard

a such such a thing in my life Club I'll

Club him yeah I don't know what's come

over I know what will come over one of

them yeah perhaps there's something up

something down you mean Al Stout and

whiskey drinks all around money no

object

I uh well well

what well now

really we

uh we didn't think you'd be down just

yet did we Joe did we hbert no we didn't

have sh didn't Herbert sopit you must be

wrong in your head

club and T night of all nights well you

see we thought we'd just nip down for a

few minutes while you were talking

upstairs what for oh just to talk over

one or two things what things oh well

you know just just

things just things in

general well I see the tables already so

uh what about that nice little game of

New Market you'll get no New Market out

of me tonight y you're selfish have you

just found that out never think of

anything but their own comfort and

convenience I'm surprised at you Joe

ellwell and after a plan to make

everything so nice lot of thanks you get

from them

CL well go on say something just think

what day it is and after giving you the

best years of our life without a word of

thanks and just remember Joe ell there

were plenty of other fellas I could have

had besides you you seem to think once

you married us you can take us for

granted don't yes you do all alike if

some of you woke up tomorrow to find you

weren't married to us you'd be in for a

few big surprises

yes I dare say you're right Joe Elwell

what's the matter with you tonight no

not's wrong with me Lord you'll hear

more about this when I get you home yes

CL what was you saying about your cousin

Clara oh yes well the doctor said you're

all acid Mrs Foster that's your trouble

you're making acid as fast as you can

go poor thing oh yes but other it didn't

surprise me where she deat I once saw

her eat nine oyster patties finishing

them up after their e got married I said

to her n Ed I have a bit of mercy on

your inside but of course she just lock

and now where are you going uh into

dining room what for well because

well we're some to talk over Albert

[Music]

quick now what come over him there's

something off what can be off they're

just acting stupid

so but wait till I get his lawn ship

home suppose we went home now no

fear it's just what they'd like back to

Club i' go up to bed now and lock me

door if I didn't think I'd be missing

something it's a Pity we can't go off

just by ourselves redeem to and what

sort of game are they going to get up to

while we're gone

but I've have a good mind to go in and

tell mine look I've been married to you

for five and 20 years it's about time I

had a rest and two pins I'll say to

Joe if you got down on your Bended Knees

and beg me to I wouldn't stay married to

you if I didn't have

to I've

done it hasn't taken you very long no

but then I'm a rare worker many you once

said to me Mrs Northrop I can't believe

you've just that pair of ANS you're a

Wonder well I don't think I want a

Wonder here Mrs Northrock I'll pay you

what I owe you tonight and then you

needn't come again a see that's it is it

yes it is I don't consider you

satisfactory I should think not what you

to pass

remarks and don't think I want to come

here again anyway me husband wouldn't

let me when he is what I've got to tell

him we've always kept ourselves

respectable and what does that mean

don't encourage your impudence you make

your own interference I will beginning

to feel sorry for you but now I don't

know what you're talking about what she

got in that bag I've got my old boots

and me apron and me cleaning stuff with

this bag I can see two bottles in there

what if you can you think your only

forky clly white who can buy some much

to soap if you must know these is two

Stout empties I am taken away because

they belong to me bought and paid for by

me at Jackson's off license and if you

don't believe me you can go and ask him

no CLA let her alone we've had

enough it's 24 Shillings all together

isn't it no it is it's 25 and six if I

never speak another word all right then

25 and six but I'm going to take

something off for that dish you broke

you not take a damn D oh language now as

well as back and says here's a pound Mrs

Northrock and it's all you'll get I'll

not it I'll not have it there it is and

it's all you'll get now then Clara let's

see what were you

saying and don't sit there trying to

look like dues cuz I've lived around

here too long and I know too much about

you trying to Swank

well remember you when you were Mariah

forcet he went out with a burer and

mener up at Parkinson's a before you

took up with Joe aliwell and he went out

with a wool sorter in them

days and as for you I can remember time

when you were weighing out potatoes and

apples at your father's green grocery

shop corner of Park rad and a mcky

little shop it were at all I'll fetch my

husband he isn't your

husband I were going to say I'm as good

as you fact is I'm a damn site better

cuz I'm a respectable married woman and

that's more than any one of you can say

get a policeman get a policeman get a

dozen and they'll all have a good laugh

in the a what I've got to tell

them not one of you properly married at

all I heard that organist of yours

telling your husbands if I could call

them your husbands I would just be out

do and this lck were too good to miss

it's better than aern the

Empire I don't believe a word of it

please

yourself but he gave them a letter and

that's why they all went down to Club to

talk it over and I can't say as I blame

them because they're plenty to talk over

and by go so of you

three hey

hey it's about time you thought to get

him wedding

did now you owe me another five and six

at least and if you have any sense

you'll make sure I get it but uh I can't

stop no longer cuz uh I promised I'd

meet my husband down at the airon

ouns having a draw for a goose but clly

white tied and we've got tickets so um

I'll say good

[Music]

night that's why they were so

queer I knew there was something

it oh for goodness sake Annie parter I'm

Not Annie par and it all sounds so silly

silly what's silly about

it serves me right for ever bothering

with anybody's and Gess I mean it it her

but stop it all over couldn't even get

us married right CL Annie this is awful

what are we going to do I tell you what

we're not going to do and that's blame

you

Market will look off this silly lining

up at lay n Chapel again to get married

won't we oh for goodness

sake i' better tell them three D dads

and Dan them to come in now no no no

just a minute what so because I want to

think sight of heral make me that mad I

won't be able to think

now if nobody knew but us it wouldn't

matter so much but that fool of a person

knows and the organist knows and your

Mrs norro NOS don't forget that and you

wouldn't pay that five and

six one of them three men must fetch

your back I should think so why if

people were to get to hear about

this yag here God knows where we'll be

well here we are again at least I am

Fred Dyson Yorkshire arus Mrs

helwell Mrs Albert

Parker and Mrs sopit three lucky ladies

hey well now you'd never guess my

trouble you'd never guess ours either

honey shut up what what what were you

saying Mr D well I've gone and lost our

photographer Henry alroy I brought him

up here with me earlier and then we went

back to the line where he met an old pal

I left him in The Tap Room singing

larded watch not 20 minutes since then I

went into the private bar 5 minutes

afterwards no sign of poor old Henry

anywhere I thought he must have come

back

here by the way where's the party this

is it and I shut up I um

my

uh husband Alderman hel well you know

him of course certainly he's quite a

public figure these days that's why the

Argus asked me to come up here tonight

when he told him that you were

celebrating your silver wedding oh he

suggested you come here did he he did he

would well he didn't know then you see

what we just

found I

mean well no our readers would like to

know all about this affair and I'll bet

there would clear other bit of sense why

you nearly gave it away what on Earth

are you saying you two it's all right Mr

Dyson what Mrs helwell was going to say

was it was only just those six you know

it wasn't a real party it was just a

little private sort of um you know oh I

know just um a cozy little do with a few

drinks that's it yes few drinks and um

cigars

so

on well now Mrs

helwell wouldn't you like to tell our

readers just how you're feeling after

celebrating 25 years of happy

marriage

I I now don't be shy Mrs ell now come on

[Music]

well now look what you've done young man

oh Dash it I me what have I done she's a

bit upset tonight you know what with the

excitement it's no use you're staying

now you better go and find your

photographer no on Annie for goodness

sake we want no photographers here

that's all right she's upset tuna you

just pop

off well

rid of

him for how long you can't sit there car

just saying for how long as if you were

a bank manager if we want it kept quiet

we'll have to stir ourselves not sit

about shouting and nearly giving it all

away as you and Mariah did when that

chat was

here if we hadn't said when Maria said a

num skulls this would never have

happened or if my poor mother were alive

to see this day CLA I'm

sorry but I just couldn't help it

when he asked me that question something

just turned right over inside me and

next minute I was

crying well crying's not going to get us

out of this mess I never satisfied CLA

first you go want at me for laughing and

now you blame B Mariah for crying but

what you want to go laughing and crying

for what you think they see his Uncle

Tom's Cabin they're coming in

who was

that I said um who was it came just say

Yorkshire Argus I know of course we

know and now where are you going to fet

Whiskey and is whiskey going to help us

I don't know about you it'll help me

it it's not all a tale is it no it's

right enough we put case to a chaper

club mentioning no names of course and

uh he said it had happen sometimes when

a young person thought he was qualified

to marry folk and

it turned out that he wasn't but of

course it doesn't happened often no but

it has to happen to

us I blame you for this then tell you

she would she who's she the C just

remember you're talking about your own

wife ah but you see he isn't not now now

stop that Albert any lady like a drop

stay D me now it to choke me Albert

thanks Joe I think I

will hert he mustn't have

any Herbert you heard what I said

Herbert you're not to have any

thanks Joe just a

drop yeah but I never would have thought

young FS would have gone back on his

word like that when he promised solemnly

not to tell another soul but he didn't

tell us hey who did that choman Mrs

norro she heard you behind that

door where is she gone R's just given

her the push well if she's gone off this

news you might as well play it on Town

old Chimes well why didn't you say so at

first if this woman gets around with

this tale about us we'll never live it

down did she go home not to air

ands butt swallow that whiskey quick and

knp down to Air and ouns as fast as he

can go and bring her back but I don't

know her no damn it you saw here not an

hour but she doesn't know me don't make

difficult is off you go and bring her

back as fast as you can and promise her

out she us so long as you get back and

make haste we're depending on

you you know how about lad it feels uh

quite peculiar to me what does this not

being married

sure sure

ell how can you stand there and say a

thing like that I'm surprised that you

be ashamed of himself what what are you

talking about after 25 years together

haven't I been a good wife to you Jo

well well I'm not complaining am I

you've been the same as a good wife to

him marah the same I haven't been the

same as a good wife I've been a good

wife let me tell you Albert Parker Alber

never heard that silly talk oh what's

silly about it everything now when you

come to think of it Albert's right you

got to face facts now Mariah you might

feel married to him might feel married

to him if you'd had 25 years of him you

wouldn't talk about might steady on

steady on WE you're 25 years of him

talking about me as if I was a do of

typhoid fever not just just let me

finish what I started to say I said you

might feel married to him but strictly

speaking and in the eyes of the law the

fact remains you're not married to him

We're none of us

married some neighbors might have missed

it couldn't you shout it louder I wasn't

that loud you were balling your head off

yes you were you don't know's listening

I'm surprised you have more sense all

right all right AR we got to face facts

it's not our fault but our

Misfortune I don't know so much about

that either oh going to blame us now

well and why not well n damn it it

wasn't our thought if a chap asks me to

marry him and then takes me to Chapel

and puts me in front of the Parson I

expect Parson to be a real one and not

just somebody dressed up well don't I

you should have found out oh talk sense

how could I know he wasn't properly

qualified and it's funny it's got to

happen to us isn't it just what I'm

saying it's not our fault but our

Misfortune it's no good blaming anybody

it can't be helped but the fact remains

if you say it again Albert Parker I'll

throw something at you there is there's

no need to go on and on about it mostly

a top of your voice say no more I

finished but

Joe you're not going to tell me that you

feel

different just because of this this

accident what don't tell you a lie love

I can't help it but ever since I've

known I'm not married I

felt most

specul I could knock your fat head

off poor

Mariah well I hope you pleased with

yourself now never interfere between

husband and wife you just said you

weren't husband and

wife if I'm going to argue with a woman

it might as well be the one I live

with

well after all these ructions another

glass of Port wouldn't do

me thank you very

much nice manners were being shown up I

must

say I said nice manners counselor Albert

Parker now if I were poor Herbert sopit

I'd think twice before I asked you to

marry me again ask me again they'll been

no asking Herbert hit's my husband and

he stays my husband in the eyes of the

Lord you said that before but let me

tell you in the sight of heavan Herbert

and me have been married for 25 years he

you're wrong again because in the sight

of heavan nobody's been married at all

just uh come in the dining room a minute

Albert we're having a bit of an argument

yes

[Music]

Joe you silly young

sset Mrs

S yes Mrs ell says we're going to dining

room

hey the fling like

M things

well there's nobody here there's nobody

here at all they'll all be back again

soon they mostly in dining room Ling

what on a festive occasion like this

that's right well if that isn't just

human nature for

you human

nature I bet if it had been a funeral

they'd all have been in here laughing

their EDS

off oh it's not such a thing as a cigar

here is it yes you're looking at them

but you want one

your mother says the God had intended

men to smoke you to put Chimneys in the

Eds well you'd tell your mother for me

if God had intended men to wear colors

he'd have put color studs at the back of

their

necks would you bobing up and down like

that for I'm not bobbing up and down

it's

you you're a bit tly aren't you tly yes

Guffy what an extraordinary idea you

really are the most extraordinary sort

of

little well I don't know what really

what's your name Ruby ble Ruby all right

I know it's a silly du name you can't

tell me not about Ruby I haven't been

told already so don't try you really are

quite

extraordinary how old are you 15 how old

are you oh thousands of years thousands

and thousands of years you look to me

about 70 70 I'm 54

and You' been neglecting yourself too

much lifting the

elbow did you ever read the police news

oh yes I like it all horable murders

well you must have seen pictures of them

women who've been chopped up by their

husbands yeah we're bloody atet well if

you don't look out Ruby you'll grow up

to be one of them

women hey don't they look

soft how do you mean one of them women

don't let that bother you Ruby you got

plenty of time yet time for what now

what I'm going to do is take a

flashlight group of these three couples

just as they were in the old

photograph now let me

see hey do you mean have plenty of time

yet to grow up and then be chopped off

yes but what would he want to chop me up

for you just sit there a minute

with I said what would he want to chop

me up far well you might find one who

won't but you'll have to be careful now

you just stay

there I go to it before talk not for a

few years

yet do you mean you're waiting for me to

be chopped

up hey you've got a right nasty mind you

haven't

you are you married yes your wife

doesn't seem to take much interest in

you well I do you know well a bet claw

hasn't been brushed for a month you

could almost make a meal off your waist

coat there's so much egg on it why

doesn't she tid you up a bit because

she's not here to do it doesn't she live

with you is is essential you should know

all about my Private Affairs oh on you

might as well tell me where is

she Mrs Orman roid at present is helping

her sister run a boarding house called

Palm View the only Palm you like to see

there is the one my sister and Lord owns

out where blackf no no that's a place to

live in not to

die there at

to to hey that's right down south in it

yes right girl toy is on the south coast

of

Devonshire it is sheltered from the

Northerly and easterly winds and is open

to the warm seab breezes from the south

and so is a favorite all yearound Resort

of many delicate refined persons of

Gentile Society in other words he a damn

miserable

old there we are all ready for the three

happy couples did you say happy and why

not well for start go listen to them for

in dining room believe me Rosie Ruby

Ruby believe me my girl you're still too

young to understand I've heard that a

but nobody ever tells me what it is I'm

too young to understand and for years my

brother kept rabbits it's not a question

of rabbits thank God but but

marriage but marriage is a is a very

peculiar

thing parts of it I don't much care

about myself which parts well I'm I'm a

man who likes to B to company and I like

the occasional friendly glass I'll admit

it I like the occasional friendly glass

to be all sh if we didn't admit it we

could tell if those three couples have

been married for 25 years and they're

still sticking it I call them three

africover and I won't have you or

anybody else saying they're not no I

won't have it and if you or anybody else

you ask me to drink their health I'll

say certain with pleasure wouldn't dare

to refuse we de against your

principles really good

health hey you're going to be

tly oh

yes to be

together side by side

through life's sunshine and

storms hand in hand always together

through good times and bad ones always

with a loving smile just a guy and

sickness in an elf for rich or for

Poor Side by Side hand in hand through

life's sunshine and storm you've said

that once Ruby it's a wonderful it's a

beautiful thing what

what it Lord helpers just like talking

to a little

crocodile I said it's a wonderful it's a

beautiful thing to to go through good

times and bad ones always together

always with a loving smile side by side

and and in and yes that's what I say

then there must be something wrong with

me cuz when I've tried going side by

side and hand in hand even for 20

minutes I've had more than I want

quite

extraordinary what's your name it's

still Ruby birol but haven't you had a

home Ruby of course I've had an home why

we talk as though you were brought up in

a tram shed no no tender feelings no no

sentiment no no poetry hey go on a no

poetry we learned it at school

here they're growing

side by side they filled one home with

Glee the graves are severed far and wide

by Mount and stream and sea the shame

found mother bent at night or each Fair

sleeping brow she had each fold her

flower inside where are those streamers

now one midst The Forest of the west by

a dark stream is laid the Indian knows

place of rest

back in the Cedar

[Music]

shed what I call that most

peculiar most

peculiar I don't think I'm very well

tonight you're a bit tedly aren't you

well things are not rightly in their

place if if you know what I mean but but

I'll get it who are you what you doing

here Henry Orman Roy York Shaga State

pictures silver wedding group there's no

silver wedding group will be taken here

tonight but come to the wrong house yes

oh excuse me who's this oh nobody nobody

here I I'll get it all straightened out

in a minute the

yes and he's drunk and when I come in

Mariah's servants reciting poetry to him

and God knows what's become a Herbert

and Albert and that Mrs Northrop and I

am fast losing my patient I am fast

losing my patience now

[Music]

clear I can't knock any sense at all

into

Joel where's her still looking for that

Mrs North there somebody else here now

don't carry on like that CLA I didn't

ask him to come whoever it is well if

you didn't I'll bet Joe Dead with his y

arus well Ruby who is it it's a woman

what woman

CLA what sort of woman who is it I don't

know but she doesn't look up to much to

me paint on her face and I believe her

is died no I don't want that sort of

woman here Mariah of course we don't to

see what she wants Mariah it might be

something to do with you know

this business how could it be you never

know do you let Joel see what she wants

stay to my Joe say I bet us here ask her

to come in

Ruby but uh you needn't bother Mr

helwell just

now good evening good evening

did you want to see me no not

[Music]

particularly I don't think I got your

name no you didn't get it cuz I didn't

give it but I'm Miss lty Grady and I'm

Mrs helwell no if we're all going to be

on our dignity let's get it right you're

not Mrs ellwell you're Miss Mariah

foret now just a minute Miss Clara goth

up is it goth Up's green grosses corner

of par Road I'm afraid I don't know your

maiden name I'm Mrs Parker to you please

yourself I don't care I'm broadminded I

suppose that Mrs northrop's been talking

to you certainly met in the old a ands

where I used to work she's an old friend

of mine if you've come here to get money

out of said anything about money you

must have some idea and coming to see us

oh I didn't come here to see any of you

three who did you come to see then a

gentleman friend love a gentleman friend

you'll find none of your gentleman

friends in this house will she Mariah I

should think not just a minute CLA I'd

like to hear a bit more about this very

sensible of you you see if a gentleman

friend gets fond of me then tells me

more than once but if he wasn't married

already he'd marry me

well well go on well then I suddenly

find out that he isn't married already

after all you can't blame me can you if

I'd like to know if he's still in the

same

mind well I'll be we are finding out

something who was it just a minute

Mariah there's somebody else here now

can't you keep them out the Reverend

Clement

Mercer this this

[Music]

hell Mrs

helwell although you're not a member of

my congregation I want you to realize I

feel it my duty to give you any help I

can I'm Afra don't understand Mr Mercer

now now Mrs hell don't worry let's take

everything calmly may I sit down

oh did somebody ask you to come here yes

Madam a working man I know called

Northrop stopped me in the street and

told me to go at once to Alderman hel's

house as a clergyman's presence was

urgently required so here I am entirely

At Your

Service now what is it not I hope a

really dangerous ill no no no I hurried

because I thought there might

be but perhaps some younger member of

the family is in urgent need of

spiritual guidance an earing son or

daughter no I beg your

pardon I just said no I mean there

aren't any earing Sons and Daughters

just husbands that's all husbands you

got it all wrong I think they want you

to marry

them marry them come on Mariah do

something you better talk to Mr helw

well that's right he's across there in

dining room ask him if he thinks you can

do anything for us across there that's

right which one was it I think you

missed your chance there at least two of

you did two of us I remember what I told

you who had known him here in clly white

but it was at Blackpool we really got

going sedy was feeling lonely well you

know what men are when they think

they're feeling lonely especially at

Blackpool it couldn't have been here but

he's never been to Blackpool without me

yes he has clar don't you remember four

years

since and he said he hadn't a minute

away from that conference I'll never

believe a another word he

says but your Albert was with him that

time I know he

was so was

Joe said he needed a

change well we all need a change don't

we now Herbert up it Yes Clara

hello how are you these

days you have haven't forgotten me have

you forgotten you I'm afraid there's a

mistake oh there's a mistake all right

now don't be too hardd on him CLA I

expected it was only a bit of fun what

is all this now now Herbert don't call

me Herber no wait till I'm out

way didn't mean it mean what H I found

that Mrs Northrop Albert did you hello

Albert

what you mean Hello Albert now now

Albert yes you might well look at me

Albert Parker you and your cheap holiday

at

Blackpool I only hope you spent more on

her than you've ever done on me SP more

I've never seen that in me life before

or wish show

you I don't believe

it I won't believe

it there's a more to cast up in the gate

but tell it to go away

again what with a photographer who's

drunk and a person who's mad

I not

not so it was you Joe ell me what who

said youd Maria that was only a bit of

fun you and a bit of

[Music]

fun

yusra and

mercury and Mrs harw the council and

Corporation of C wife offer you their

heartiest congratulations on your silver

wedding and with them this

case of silver fish and I've told you

before Fred I don't like fish

[Music]

what's been happening Ruby what hasn't

been happening hey we've had some trade

on what with one thing and another you

see what you've done Gerald what he

didn't start it did he cuz if he did

he's got some to answer for did anybody

ask where I was Ruby no bet he could

stop out all night and then nether nor

to care but what has been happening Ruby

place has been like a mad house this

last half hour to start with mayorly

White's been andone the mayor why did

they want to bring the mayor into it oh

nobody brought him and come off his own

accord with a case of fish things and

wear in chain like a chop in a pantomine

he soon took his o but reporters didn't

reporters I and plenty of them and all

and they didn't want to go neither not

like mayor so Mr ell and Mr Parker took

them into the kitchen and give them

bottled of Ale for all I know they may

be there yet Mrs ell's up in bedroom

feeling poorly and Mrs soit's with her

Mr soit and Mrs Parker somewhere out in

Garden I told you there was somebody

there I but let me finish now there's a

woman with died air washing herself in

bathroom upstairs and nobody knows what

she wants be on the good wash in dining

room there's a photographer who's

feeling right tily trying to argue with

go big

and I bet he's making a rare mess and

that'll be to do next I don't

know sounds all very confused to me yes

well I better slip upstairs while

nobody's

about oh Gerald

Nancy do you still love me yes Nancy

still even after a whole hour

here I say you too seem very

friendly I believe you were the girl he

was seen with were you yes we're

practically engaged you know only I was

frightened of saying anything yet to

Uncle Joe well don't start tonight and

why shouldn't she he won't be quite as

pleased with himself tonight as usual

just as I know another who

won't good night good night

why don't you go outside and say good

night properly you're only young

ones yes you're only young once her

[Music]

but do you remember that time just after

you first come to clly White

when we all went on that quiet trip to

barard

Castle yes I do

Annie as a matter of fact I fancy I was

a bit sweet on you then you fancy you

were I know you were

s don't you remember coming back in the

[Music]

wagonet those were the days

I is that all you can say

I

no but I might say too

much I think I should risk it for once

if I were

you what does that mean

Annie never you

[Music]

mind you haven't forgotten that waget

have you

of course I

haven't oh hello

Clara how long has this been going

on don't be silly CLA oh it's me that

hasn't to be silly is it I suppose

sitting there with my husband's arm

around your Boulder's brast that isn't

being silly as it I wonder what you call

that kind of behavior you then it was

only a bit of fun oh and how long have

you been having these bits of fun as you

call them Herbert ofit you've got a

nasty mind Clara well of all the CH and

impudence telling me I've got a nasty

mind you must have been at it sometime

getting Herbert to carry on like that

with you don't tell me he thought of it

himself I know him too well oh don't be

so stupid

Clara I'm going out in the garden and E

some fresh

air well Herbert top

it why don't you follow

her get some fret air too go on don't

mind

me come

here you heard me come

here why should I

because I tell you to I know I heard

you but who do you think you

are but stop it you must have gone wrong

in your head no not me I'm all right you

better go home now leave me to deal with

this business here certainly not in my

opinion it's awkward with us both here

well you go home

then what did you say I said you go home

then you're doing no good

here now then you tell me to go home

again Clara I always said that no matter

what she did I would never lift a hand

to my wife I should think not indeed but

since you aren't my wife what about

this now sit

down sit down

and shut

up I want to

think it's I I I don't know what's come

over you well you don't no no I don't

well you don't think I stand for women

coming shouting and Bing at me and

smacking my face do you well you've

never gone on like this before yeah but

then before you were my wife I'm your

wife now oh no you're not you give me

that letter shut up and sit

down where is Annie she's out there

somewhere why don't you go and look for

her she's probably hiding her face and

if you'd see what I will you hold your

tongue before it gets you into Mischief

shut just a minute I want to hear a bit

more about this and you're going to be

disappointed aren't you you go back to

Mariah helwell go on car you're not

going to let your your own business go

on Sharp

butt have you been having a bit to drink

I had a few trying to find Mrs Northrop

yes I thought as much and I may possibly

have some more but whether I do or not I

will please myself just for once and if

any of you don't like it you can lump

it Where'd you say my wife was out there

in the garden well at this time of night

yes and why not I tell her that I don't

need to tell you you're not my wife no

and she isn't either don't you forget

that

Annie hey Annie why don't you go out and

talk to her instead of shouting like

that as if she want a dog or something

stand it around in damp grass this time

and that's bad for me I don't want to

start a running cold on top of all this

Annie I came in here to have a few words

in private with her well in that case

I'll leave you in my opinion there's

been a deal too much talk among us all

together too much noisy anky Panky about

this dough business you might think we

were a meeting at gas committee the way

we gone on so far was one is a few

serious words private between us chaps

and our wives andless of this public Ary

Bary and anky Panky a there you are best

of luck Hy what do you mean anky

Panky he's had to drop too much as

Herbert comes a running around town all

night after that child woman Well

Albert well Annie

I'm going to set your mind at rest thank

you Al yes I don't want you to be

worried now I think you'll admit I've

always tried to do my duty as a husband

Yes Albert I think you've always

tried what do you mean but just what you

mean

Albert of course no one knows better

than you I'm in a completely different

position altogether to what I was when I

first married you when you thought you

marri me you know what I mean in them

days I was just plain young Albert

Parker now you're counselor Albert well

and that's something isn't it and it's

not all by long chalk I got on in

business made money come to be big man

at Chapel vice president of cricket

league F Hospital committee so

forth hey Yes Albert you've done very

well I know I have and what's more it

hasn't altered me much I'm not like some

of them there's no Swank about me no l d

I'm a plain man yes Al but you are well

what's wrong with that you're not going

to tell me at your time of life you want

to go run you're no chicken are you I

mean to say you're not going to tell me

now at your time of life that you want a

bit of Swank and l d i sometimes would n

n n n n n n nobody knows better than me

what You' like and you know very well

what a good husband I've been steady yes

you've been steady

that's what I say steady reliable not

silly with me money no Albert your worst

enemy couldn't say you'd ever been silly

with your money and at the same time not

stingy no not stingy everything of the

if it could be managed everything of the

best within reason you know within

reason yes within reason always

reasonable and reliable and at the same

time getting on going up in world never

satisfied with what I do for most men no

steadily Moving On and On open and up

cashier manager Sher in the business

counselor this year Alderman next

perhaps mayor soon that's how it's

been and that's how it will

be you know an it I've sometimes felt

that right at first she didn't quite

realize just what she'd picked out at

lucky bag

all

right well Albert what's all this

leading up

too oh well you see Annie I was just

saying that I thought I'd been a good

husband to you mind you I'm not saying

that you've been a bad wife no not

saying that thank you Al so I thought

I'd just set your mind at rest don't you

worry about this wedding business if

there's been a slip up well there's been

a slip up but I'll see you all right Hy

I'll see if all fixed up quietly and

then we can go and get married again

properly I know my duty as well as an

ex-man and I'll see you properly married

to me thank you Albert no that's all

right honey that's all right I'm not

saying that every man would see it as I

do

but never mind I know my

duty and what about

me well I'm telling you you'll be all

right how' you know I will now don't be

silly Annie if I say You' be all right

you to know by this time you will be all

right but I don't think I want to be

married to no don't

make what well you see Albert after 25

years of it perhaps I've had

enough had enough yes had

enough you talk about your

duty well for 25 years I've done my duty

I've washed and cooked and cleaned and

mended for you I've pined and scried and

saved for you I've listened for hours

and hours to all your dreary talk I've

never had any than for it I've hardly

ever had

any

P but I thought I was your wife and I

taken you for better for worse that I

ought to put up with you put up with me

yes put up with you well what's wrong

with

me

wow to begin with you're very selfish

but then I I suppose most men are

idiotically conceited but then again so

are most men but a lot of men at least

are

generous and you're very

stingy and some men are

amusing but apart from when you're being

pompous and showing off you're not at

all amusing you're just very dull and

Drey never Yes Albert very D and very

very

Dre and

stingy has someone been putting you up

to this no I thought it for a long time

how long nearly 25

years you little serpent so now I feel

it's time I enjoyed myself a bit I'd

like to have some fun before I'm an old

woman fun fun what do you mean fun oh

nothing very shocking and terrible

just getting away from you for instance

stop it

just stop it I think any Parky you ought

to be ashamed of yourself well I'm not

bit of travel and liveliness and people

that are amusing and no wool business a

Town Council is a chapel deep but why

don't you D your air and paint your face

and go on the stage and wear

tights I wish I

could Mr soit says if you haven't

finished yet you better hurry up and go

somewhere else to have it out cuz

they're all coming in here but we

haven't finished yes we have no Annie

just let's talk about the sense just for

a minute hear you the do open damn it

know Al what made you look so

flabergasted if I want to look flaer now

look flabbergast without asking your

permission Mt thank you thank you shut

up clar it you wouldn't say I was stingy

would you well you've never been famous

for getting your hand down have you

Albert I've got my hand down as well as

next man I've always paid my whack let

me tell you call her ja stingy just cuz

you make a big show just cuz he not

Daddy Dad now stop tormenting him honey

tormenting me nobody's going to torment

me and I like that coming from you her

butt when you've been a by word for

years a by word for what for years yes

but a by word for years for what oh and

ask anyone to wears trousers in your

house don't so well a minute or two

since you were talking about wearing

tights well only in a manner of speaking

how can it be in a manner of speaking

either you're wearing tights or you're

not what's this about TI and you clear

out quick sharp if you take my tip I bet

that's the only sort of tip you do give

an all he looks stingy to me stingy if

anyone else say that to me tonight I'll

give them [ __ ] for two pins I'd either

leave this house myself or else clear

everybody else out I've never seen such

a place there's Fork ning in every damn

C where's P Mariah

[Music]

Clara now lty be reasonable

a [ __ ] of devilment all right but I

know you don't want to make real

Mischief but where's the Mischief coming

didn't you say more than once that if

you hadn't been married already you'd

have married me oh now you know very

well that were only a bit of fun when a

Chap's on a holiday in a place like

Blackpool gets a few drinks inside him

well you know very well he says a lot of

damn silly things he doesn't mean I see

telling me the tale laughing at me

behind me back no I don't mean that

Lotty nobody admires you more than I do

you're a fine less and a good sport but

you've got to be reasonable coming here

like this when you know as well as I do

with just a bit of fun just a minute Joe

ell well oh Christmas here Mariah where

are you going I'm going back to my

mother's your mother's well if you go to

your mother's in this state of mind at

this time of night you'll give her a

stroke right she must be about 90 she's

72 and mind your own business I've got

some of it here for you what do you mean

some of your new business and see how

you like it you'll find it a change from

carrying on with men behind the bar what

in the name of Thunder are you talking

about I'm talking about her if she wants

my job she can haveit hey now listen

here's all keys and you better start

knowing where they fit and don't forget

chom's just been sacked and I don't

expect Ruby will stay you'll have to

manage by yourself a bit and green

grosser calls at 10 and butcher calls at

up past what's it matter when butcher

calls I'm talking to her not you these

is housekeeping books and you'll have to

have them straight me Friday or he make

a rumus here yeah I don't want course

she doesn't she can't run this house

without them you said so yourself yes I

no I did but it's not to do with her

then what did she come here for and look

here has five pairs of his socks and one

pair of his woen once down in you better

get started on them and upstairs you'll

find three shirts and two more pair of w

you'll have to do tomorrow and you

better be thinking of tomorrow's dinner

because he always wants something hot

and he's very

particular M you're getting it all wrong

nobody knows better than me what a good

wife you've been now have a bit of sense

love it's all a mistake and there's a

lot of other things you'll have to

manage but while you're trying to manage

them and him too I'll be a blackp

[Music]

I know that face AR or

Ro

L my beautiful

lty you haven't forgotten me for you my

word if you're not off I saw you

Lego you weren't going to take their

photos I group for York Aus make a nice

picture of that very nice picture nice

picture don't you know I they told you

stop it stop

it yeah I drink a PO oh I suppose I'm

right oh certainly

certainly I mean there Liberty all here

tonight Liberty all right you

know oh all the best L Chin

[Music]

Chin yeah it's drop a p wine this Joe HW

well does himself very well here don't

he oh yes you you found everything very

comfortable here L somebody told me you

were back at the talur well I was up to

Christmas who told you anyway anybody I

know let me

think you know him I know him we both

know

him I cut him here on the tip of me

tongue

no but I'll get him ly I'll get him well

then I had to go home now our Violet you

remember our Viet she married a sergeant

in the Duke of Wellington's the dirty

303 now she's in India Tommy totil well

what about him weren't you asking about

him no I got something better to do than

ask about toy too to quite so but what

were we talking about him for didn't you

say gone to India no you fatter that was

our Violet I remember must have been

Tommy to has told you I was working back

at Tober you see of course it was but

what of it

l i' sure bit argumentative tonight love

no I'm not but you've had a couple too

many no I'm all right I'm all right

what's happened to your

violet she married a sergeant and went

to India of course she did somebody told

me just

lately I told you yeah I know I could

hear but so did somebody else Tommy toil

you got him on the brain then at witson

I took a job at Bridlington but only

stuck it three weeks no life at all I

told him I said I don't mind work but I

do like a bit of life I'm just the

same give me a bit of life I

say here we are getting down in the

dumps just cuz Tommy tutor's gone to

India yesn't you P that was our

Violet out you giving me the

oh come on

lty play aune for all time

sake silly Old

Devil it's great to see you

again good old times

ly good old

time

ah that they were

come

here do you remember this

one the boy

I is up in

theer the boy I love is looking down at

me there he is you see waving of his

handkerchief as merry as a robin yeah

that's a hangman do you think this is a

chap room y chagus once you're on

Telephone come on love I'll help you and

then get off home we see you later

and now what wanted is a few serious

words in private together yes Yes Albert

I

know but give a chap time to have a

breather I've just had to persuade

Mariah not to go back to her mother's

but what can her mother do

oh don't start asking questions but just

leave it Albert leave it let me have a

breather now Joe Albert

Herbert what's this an

ultimatum Joe

ellell I want you to answer one

question yes

marah Jia love me

now what sort of a question is that to

come and ask a chap here why didn't you

ask me upstairs once and for all do you

or don't

you yes of course I do

love then why didn't you say so

before and now we're all by ourselves

it's about time we started to put our

thinking caps on why R cuz we're not

going to do any good running around the

house Argy Bary that's right just wait a

minute wait till I finish she's back who

is that Mrs N oh Jerusalem we don't want

to hurry here well if you don't want me

why did you send him out chasing me and

asking me back you don't know your own

Mind's to minutes to together hey you've

not settled up with me yet you know

outside here just a minute Jo we can't

have running around town telling all she

knows we'll be laughing Stocker clly

white tomorrow you've been there for

years lad I'd rather have Jo own you Joe

has had a bit of fun in his time but

you've always been too stingy stingy if

anyone else says that to me tonight that

get what for I don't care who it take I

told you outside shop me I WR go to this

for a party you can't frame to enjoy

yourselves there one or two faces here

as that stop clock let Al a party but

just you wait while a few of them I know

he is about this you'll hear him

laughing all way from bucket Mill right

to be we can't let her go in this Frame

of mine you want to charge her with

stealing

stealing what a two pins and knock

youron that du misses I've never touched

a thing in my life that weren't me own

what is

it that photographer's asleep and

snoring bit telephone oh we waking him

up and tell him to go

home of course

um I could keep me mouth sh if it will

worth me

while that's black me shut up Clara

hello you've come to life of you uh how

much do you want I wouldn't give her a

penny nor me come with no guarantee she

could sign something silly not one

single penny will you just let me get a

word in and be quiet a minute I cannot

allow you to use such language it's

quite unnecessary oh you wouldn't think

so quite unnecessary a little patience a

little quiet consideration is always

needed what would fault like her Mrs

norro what are you doing here making

trouble making

trouble and you've been drinking again

oh only a drop just cuz I was a bit

upset and then you come and make a

nuisance of yourself here what's to be

done with you I'm ashamed of you after

all your promises a master mer you're a

wonderful man and your only preacher

clly White worth listening to is is a

great Lion of a money is and is a

wonderful preacher you know that Mrs

Northrop flattery won't help you've

broken all your promises I'm ashamed of

you now go home quietly she'll tell all

the town about

us we cannot allow that Mrs Northrop you

must make me a solemn promise Yes master

I promise me solemn you will tell nobody

what you've heard in this house tonight

promise me I promise wet your dry may I

die but I suppose that will do now off

you go quietly home and be a good woman

good night Mrs nor yes Mr mer good night

Mr mer and thank you very much oh he's a

great Lion of a man he is is worth all

you love put together

well we're rid of one now have you

studied that letter Mr Mercer considered

it very carefully do you know what I

think no tell us this letter in my

opinion is perfectly genuine I thought

you were going to tell us some what we

didn't know already well what the

hangman are we going to do about it then

my dear sir I don't know oh Christmas

but if you want my final opinion I think

that aor less bad temper and bad

language in this house you'd have a

better chance of settling your Affairs

oh I think I'm getting a bit tired of

you Mr Mercer what after wasting my time

you have the audacity here good night

sir good night it

is well what Another We're rid of and

now what's wanted is a few serious

what's wanted is a bit of brain work

where we're going to get it from around

here I don't know now get it from me if

only you'll keep quiet a

minute now let's see what were we

talking about we weren't talking about

anything to you I wouldn't object to a

nice end of guards I like a gamer solo

don't you no and I told you to get off

home you the phot to the group don't you

you take no photos here

tonight a funny you should have said

that I'm a shepher notices things well I

have to be in my profession and I said

to myself there are people in this house

tonight who is not easy in their

minds now there's something just a bit

off here just you see

oh for goodness sake well you have to be

easy in your minds to be photographed

you know nobody ever comes with the

tooth thing you know to have their

photos Tak

no I don't suppose they

do it never occurred to me

that name sir stop it or

roid oh there's thought in this

V I'd like to do it sometime in a nice

see you finish remind me Mr

soit a loty love come and join the

company I thought you've G long since

it's all very well you promised to go

half an hour since we ought to put the

police on you what are you picking on LY

for why can't you live and Let

Live we're all in the same boat

we all come here and we don't know

why we all go in our turn and we don't

know

where if you're a bit better off be

thankful and if you don't get into

trouble and make a fool of yourselves be

thankful of that too cuz you easily

might now what I say

is we're all human aren't

we yes thank you Mr Armen roid what you

thanking him for is he to stop telling

us what to do impudence I call

it I'm

nobody but if you're going to turn nasty

councelor Albert Parker remember

this I may be nobody but I happen to

work for a

newspaper behind me stands the Press

don't you forget that and the Press is a

mighty power in this land today tell

went and when I say who is it chap said

Yorkshire arus is Alan roid our

photographer there please and when I

says yes he's still here he says well

tell him he sacked you sacked I'm

sorry if me beg in here somewh you must

have left it down at lion I thought he

couldn't carry cor shut up you silly Old

Devil it's not so bad it's not so good

either I to know where to turn Arie

Never Say Die we've seen a bit of life

and we'll see some more yet before they

throw us on mugie for two pins I'd take

him away now and leave you lot to settle

your own troubles if you can why what's

he got to do with our troubles plent

Arie tell them where you were

married they don't want to hear about my

bad look now we have enough of our own

without J no Albert come on Mr tell them

where you were

married l in Chapel 52 years since yeah

he must be at same boat with us then

just another of my bit of bad luck oh I

can understand that all right yes but

arier was separated from his wife and

they wanted to be free well what were

they woring for they were threee Parson

had proper qualifications hold on a

minute tell Mar I know we hadn't why

found that out but what she'd forgotten

until I got hold of a copy of the

certificate was in them days 25 years

since chapel

wedding register had to be there and all

to sign certificate Joe is right I know

damn well I'm right I've been carrying

certificate around with me for months

trying to find a

loophole you see for yourself

are we married after

all yes of course we are if Parson

didn't tie us up then registra did all

legal as right as

n oh thank God oh Mr alroy this is best

night's work he ever did thank

you B up

lad why don't you take that little photo

shop in Blackpool again me about100 to

start again haven't got 100

shillings I know you haven't no but

there's folks here who never miss it yes

steady

Albert stingy again no never that's how

you

feel we'll soon fix you up Alman roid

lad just leave it to me bye G you've

taken a load off me

mind now then everybody let's brighten

up who give us a song Ruby Ruby bring

some more drink last you've

got let's sing a bit L is the one come

on play a tune lty now then Herbert stop

it you see I am your wife after

all Yes

Clara and I hope would be very

happy but we won't be if we don't drop

that tone of

voice I don't like it no

her yeah

Joe you wouldn't say I was dull and

dreary would you I a bit Al but well

that beats me I've always seen to myself

an exciting sort of

J anyhow stingy or whatever I am I'm

still your husband so

it looks as if I'll have to make the

best of you we'll all have to make the

best of each

other but

then perhaps it's what we're here

for that's

right well we better start having some

of this fun of yours that you talk

about it doesn't matter no it does I say

we'll have some fun

[Music]

love this group

[Music]

yet

areed

will

I'll will tender and I will be true

when I am married sweetheart to

you love is

[Music]

not that program replaced the scheduled

over here which can now be seen later in

the year next tonight back up

[Music]

will for

a I will love you love

for

[Music]

and we

areed why what will

do as as I can be you

I will be tender and I will be

[Music]

true I

[Music]

am

steady steady everybody

[Music]

h

[Music]