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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:02,270 Testing! 2 00:01:07,380 --> 00:01:09,160 Well, that seems pretty conclusive. 3 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,140 She can also hear us. 4 00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:40,540 Clear! 5 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:44,410 This room gonna get some DIY! 6 00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:45,790 Diy! 7 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,670 What is this impudence?! 8 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,770 This is my room, do you hear me? My room! 9 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,270 What sort of heathen just barges in on a lady 10 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,510 while she's sleeping? 11 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,740 What on earth is going on? 12 00:02:01,110 --> 00:02:03,310 *Daddy gonna drill a hole in the wall...* 13 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,590 Daddy is not drilling any holes in any... 14 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,480 This is beyond the pale! 15 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:11,230 No. What are you do...? 16 00:02:17,110 --> 00:02:19,470 You have got to be joking. 17 00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:20,560 Mike! 18 00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:24,360 This looks fun! 19 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,020 I'm going to call it the smile hole. 20 00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:30,080 Hello, Lady Button! Morning! 21 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:30,870 Mike! 22 00:02:30,870 --> 00:02:32,550 No, no, no! You can't just leave it like this. 23 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,260 Where are you going? You can't just... 24 00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:36,030 So, what's your favourite morning song? 25 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,080 I think mine is... 26 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,940 *There's a lark in the bushel at the corner of the...* 27 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,600 Mike! 28 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,780 - They're back! - Who? 29 00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:51,700 Them! 30 00:02:55,780 --> 00:02:59,930 Don't shriek, you ill-bred hen. It is unseemly for a lady to... 31 00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:05,040 Him! Cover that up at once. You beastly wretch! 32 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:09,290 I refuse to be taunted in my own home by that lying, cheating... 33 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,240 Ex-husband. You know how it is. 34 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,730 Oh, we're the same height! 35 00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:16,360 Lady coming through! 36 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:17,740 What's your favourite colour? 37 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:24,520 Oh, I do wish they wouldn't do that! 38 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,340 There's a cave one and there's an Army one 39 00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:27,600 and there's one with no pants on... 40 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,250 And a first from Cambridge! 41 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,410 OK, OK. 42 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,880 I know it may seem very real, 43 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,730 but remember what they said at the hospital, yeah? 44 00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,540 "May experience visual disturbances." 45 00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,140 But I can hear them too. 46 00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:39,200 And my Uncle Graeme, he thought he could smell toast, 47 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,480 but you know what? There was no toast. 48 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,620 He was having a stroke! 49 00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:44,440 - He died, Mike. - OK, bad example. 50 00:03:44,450 --> 00:03:46,680 I'm just saying, think about it, what's more likely, 51 00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:48,110 that you can see ghosts, 52 00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:50,430 or that you're still suffering from severe concussion? 53 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,490 - Ghosts. - Concussion. 54 00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:54,440 Exactly. You don't just... 55 00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:56,420 Robin, you've been here a while. 56 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:58,080 Have you ever seen anything like this before? 57 00:03:58,090 --> 00:03:59,630 One time, yes. 58 00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:01,130 But was a bear. 59 00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:03,990 Bear was like, "Raargh!" And I'm like, "Argh!" 60 00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:08,300 and then he like, "Ooh, hurr, hurr!" And I'm like... 61 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:10,270 And the bear's like... 62 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,250 You had to be there. 63 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,100 - Rare, then. - Or magic? 64 00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:24,460 - Black magic. - Perhaps she's just special. 65 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,890 - Indeed she is. - And you'll be back to your old self in no time. 66 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,120 Just give it a few days, yeah? 67 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:29,940 Ok. 68 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,290 OK? Yep. 69 00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:38,800 So, Mike, what are you up to? 70 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,070 Well, I'm hooking up all the stuff that we can't live without. 71 00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:43,010 - So like heating and hot water and... - TV. 72 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:44,590 But the boiler's next on the list! 73 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,580 After that. 74 00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:49,370 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 75 00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,970 No. But Google does, so we're golden. 76 00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,590 That's quite the encyclopaedia. 77 00:04:56,590 --> 00:04:59,810 It's gotta be, what, two CD-ROMs, min. 78 00:04:59,810 --> 00:05:03,480 It's all under control here, so why don't you go and relax? 79 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,300 Have yourself a nice war...tepid bath. 80 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,560 I'd like that. 81 00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,160 One of them just said what I said. 82 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,750 See? It's all in your head. 83 00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:13,840 Just give it a few days, yeah? 84 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,410 Now go on, bath. 85 00:05:20,810 --> 00:05:22,470 Clearly, this changes things. 86 00:05:22,470 --> 00:05:25,220 By some quirk of fate, it would seem the new Lady Button... 87 00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:27,230 She's no lady, and no Button. 88 00:05:27,230 --> 00:05:30,600 Well, whoever she is, she can now both see and hear us, 89 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,640 which opens up some intriguing possibilities 90 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,580 chiefly the potential for a full-frontal assault. 91 00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:38,930 - Order them to leave. Face-to-face. - Yes! 92 00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:43,000 Well, conversings with the dead be witchcraft. 93 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,860 People been burned at the stake for less. 94 00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:48,110 Except of course she isn't truly conversing, is she? 95 00:05:48,110 --> 00:05:50,340 She may give ear to my overtures, 96 00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:53,320 but, alas, she is yet to respond... to any of us. 97 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,570 She spoke to me. 98 00:05:54,570 --> 00:05:57,260 - What? No, she did not. - Did. Said... 99 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,430 - I don't think that's a word, Robin. - No. 100 00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:03,580 'Tis. I had cousin, that's all he said. 101 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:06,150 She's not conversing because Mr Sledgehammer up there 102 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,990 has convinced her we are just figments of her imagination, 103 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,370 which is why we need a change of tactics. 104 00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:14,300 We work in shifts. Campaign of attrition. 105 00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:15,690 Guerrilla war. 106 00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:18,140 Gorilla always win. 107 00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:20,820 Why is it always about war with you? 108 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:24,750 What's wrong with a nice 'hello'? 109 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:26,160 Maybe show them around. 110 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,880 Then we could all sit down and have a nice friendly chat 111 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,970 - about this whole hotel business. - It is nice to be friendly. 112 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:34,040 - Ideally more than friendly. - Befriended by you lot? 113 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,620 I can't think of anything more annoying. 114 00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:37,430 In fact, you know what? 115 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,620 Do that! Yeah, good plan. 116 00:06:39,620 --> 00:06:40,850 That'll send them running. 117 00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:43,600 Perhaps I should handle the negotiations. 118 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,170 Well, I did, after all, resolve the Arabian crisis of '91. 119 00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:52,450 - What, you stopped a war? - No, I stopped a crisis. 120 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,790 By starting a war, as it happens, 121 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,270 but, you know, that's not the point. 122 00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:59,350 The point is, I was lead envoy in the negotiations. 123 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,750 Utter toffee. 124 00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:03,690 You couldn't negotiate your way out of a corn maze. 125 00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:06,390 How dare you! 126 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,390 I'm a respected politician and diplomat, 127 00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:11,610 and I will not have my credentials called into question 128 00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:14,400 by some work-shy Bohemian. 129 00:07:14,490 --> 00:07:16,760 That treaty was my legacy. 130 00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:21,880 Oh, yeah, oh, very, very funny. Fine! 131 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,380 I'll prove it to you! Mmm. Yeah. 132 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:26,020 You'll see. 133 00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:34,620 Imagine that slammed! 134 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:41,040 *Daddy's gonna give it some DIY, DIY...* 135 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:46,670 Right. I'll show them. 136 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:03,160 That's better. 137 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:07,020 No, no, no, no, no, that's worse! This is awful! 138 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,050 I shall write to the owners. 139 00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:10,810 But where's my quill? 140 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,560 Maybe I left it...downstairs. 141 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,010 Oh, brick it up, you oaf. 142 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:19,190 I refuse to spend eternity in the company of a halfwit. 143 00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:20,360 I thought we were friends! 144 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,570 Friends are peers and intellectual equals, Kitty. 145 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,760 - We are neither. - Fine! 146 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,390 Then I'm not letting you go in my canoe. 147 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:29,860 I just... 148 00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:30,870 Right, then. 149 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:32,890 Old boiler. 150 00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:42,400 This'll learn those berks. 151 00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,120 There's nothing to be scared of. 152 00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:23,760 *Daddy gonna fix the boiler now...* 153 00:09:26,450 --> 00:09:29,940 *YouTube gonna show Daddy how...* 154 00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:48,400 Come on! 155 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,420 It's not playing ball, is it? 156 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,720 - What's he doing?- Oh, no, Daddy. 157 00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:59,990 No, you need to prime the inlet pump, open the induction loop, 158 00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:03,530 repressurise the system, then connect the gas feed, 159 00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:04,480 and then ignite the... 160 00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:05,890 Or just hit it with a hammer. 161 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,030 Unbelievable. 162 00:10:08,030 --> 00:10:09,280 - Technophobe. - Yeah. 163 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:13,110 Right. It's going to take a sustained assault to grind her down, 164 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:14,250 so we'll take it in shifts. 165 00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:16,480 I'll go first! We have a connection. 166 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:17,920 A frisson, if you will. 167 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,090 Maybe I should go first. Let her know the lay of the land. 168 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,400 No. This is a military campaign, 169 00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,500 and I'm not the sort to bring up the rear. 170 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:25,920 No, I'll go first. 171 00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:27,950 And then you, Pat, 172 00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,370 and then Mary, and... 173 00:10:29,740 --> 00:10:31,580 Good heavens. What on Earth is that? 174 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:34,980 Ah, now, that is the front bit of a television. 175 00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,240 I don't know where the back bit is, 176 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,880 - but that's the front! - Extraordinary. 177 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,540 - Any luck with the boiler? - Nah, not really. 178 00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:43,900 It's in a pretty bad way. 179 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,330 Looks like some idiot has taken a hammer to it. 180 00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:47,880 I'll have a look at it tomorrow. 181 00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:52,270 Connect this one to the one from the roof 182 00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,780 and we should... 183 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,110 ...get a picture. 184 00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:59,340 Right. Over the top we go! 185 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,000 Now look here. 186 00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,620 As a officer of His Majesty's Armed Forces... 187 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,150 ...it is my duty to inform you 188 00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:16,880 that you are considered an enemy insurgent 189 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,300 and you should surrender your territories to incumbent forces 190 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,370 with immediate effect... 191 00:11:20,370 --> 00:11:22,320 ...or face the prospect... OK. 192 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:24,970 Very good. I see what you're doing. 193 00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:27,460 Two can play at that game! 194 00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:40,650 *I am the very model of a modern Major-General* 195 00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:41,930 *I've information vegeta...* 196 00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,890 *...ble, animal and mineral* 197 00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:49,830 *I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical* 198 00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:52,880 *From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical!* 199 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:56,070 You can run, but you can't... 200 00:11:57,810 --> 00:11:59,030 Hello to you. 201 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,250 Hello! And welcome! 202 00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:05,010 On behalf of me and my fellow dead people, may I just say... 203 00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,560 Oh, straight onto the tour, OK! 204 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,810 On your left is the Master's chamber, 205 00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:11,170 or "Chambre", that's French. 206 00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:12,180 Wait! 207 00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:14,100 You beautiful girl. 208 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,080 Oh, no. 209 00:12:30,770 --> 00:12:32,920 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 210 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,080 Up next, Hitler's Secret Superweapons. 211 00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:39,380 Good Chr... I mean, it's Christmas, it's Christmas morning! 212 00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:40,530 Alison? 213 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,410 Aly? 214 00:12:45,370 --> 00:12:47,610 What the bally hell do you think you're doing, sir? 215 00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:48,950 What have you done with the tanks? 216 00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:51,060 You turn that back on this instant... 217 00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:53,210 Where are you going? 218 00:12:53,770 --> 00:12:56,360 If you were dead, I would thrash your bottom, sir! 219 00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:58,820 And there's been a settlement on this site for well over... 220 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,790 ...well, a while now, although this part of the building is only... 221 00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:01,670 You're not real. 222 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,020 - Well, we're not alive, but we are... - I can't hear you. 223 00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:05,930 - Well, clearly you can, because... - No, I can't. 224 00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:07,480 Well, it's just...you keep answering me... 225 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,790 - No, I don't. - So why...? 226 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:10,760 My turn? 227 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,090 Sorry, Tom, Captain said that Mary's next. 228 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:15,160 Get out my way, you soppy bit o' rag. 229 00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:16,020 Good luck. 230 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:18,170 Although she's not much of a one for chitchat. 231 00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:20,250 Oh, don't you worries about me. 232 00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:22,990 I've got something up my sleeves. 233 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:25,940 Get out, get out, get out, 234 00:13:25,940 --> 00:13:27,860 get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 235 00:13:27,860 --> 00:13:31,220 get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 236 00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,010 get out... 237 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,130 Oh, my...! 238 00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:42,090 Classic. 239 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,970 - Yes, to replace the boiler. - So it needs amending. My entry. 240 00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,310 To reflect my political achievements. 241 00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:48,290 What did you say, sorry? 242 00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:50,940 There's plenty who've done worse than I did, believe you me. 243 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:51,690 My phone number... 244 00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:54,350 - The MP for Watney got horses involved. - 0-7-9... 245 00:13:54,590 --> 00:13:55,620 - Yeah, that's plural! - 0-7-9... 246 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,320 - Horses! It was the shire ones as well. - Sorry, 0-7... 247 00:13:58,330 --> 00:14:00,770 - You know, the ones with the flares? - Can I call you back? 248 00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:04,000 A lady employs a knife AND fork. 249 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,530 A lady pinches. Whores use rouge. 250 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,850 A lady does not hold a carrot like that. 251 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,250 A lady wouldn't tell me to do that to myself! 252 00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:18,560 Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 253 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:20,200 get out, get out, get out, 254 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,680 Get out, get out, get out, get out... 255 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,680 - ..get out, get out, get out, get out... - No better? 256 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,920 out, get out, get out, get out... 257 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,040 Just give it till morning. I'm sure it'll pass. 258 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,850 ...get out, get out, get out, get out. 259 00:14:43,890 --> 00:14:45,400 *I...* 260 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,640 *...am the very model of a modern Major-General* 261 00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:50,480 *I've information vegetable animal and mineral* 262 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,320 *I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical 263 00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:57,730 *From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical!* 264 00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:10,440 Oh, God. 265 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,130 I don't even feel the cold! 266 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,680 I am a strong, sane woman. 267 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,200 He'd crafted it from a rubber glove 268 00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,080 and was using the gravy as lubricant. 269 00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:28,400 Challenges only make me stronger. 270 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,920 And you can imagine the jokes about "the Chancellor's red box". 271 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,400 And then there was this Liberal fellow, well, 272 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,560 you can imagine what he got up to. 273 00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:35,200 He was caught in a sailors' sauna, 274 00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:37,490 and he was not there to learn about boats. 275 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,920 Get out, get out, get out, get out. 276 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:41,970 Get out! 277 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,890 Alone at last. 278 00:15:56,490 --> 00:15:57,840 - Alison! - Oh, God! 279 00:15:57,850 --> 00:15:59,520 A moment, please, I beg of you. 280 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,770 You're in my head. 281 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,040 And you in mine, my sweet! 282 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,440 What are we doing? 283 00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:07,400 You're married, I'm dead, it can never work. 284 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,200 Can it? Maybe it can. 285 00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,880 Like Romeo And Juliet, 286 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,960 but specifically the bit where he's already dead 287 00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:15,800 and she kills herself to be with him? 288 00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:18,800 I am too bold. Forgive me. 289 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,200 Accurse my impetuous loins! 290 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,720 You're not yet free of that buffle-headed bobtail. 291 00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:27,440 I'll wait for you, my comely nug. 292 00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:29,840 Though some idea of timescale would be... 293 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:33,280 No, I understand, this is all happening so fast. 294 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,650 I can wait! 295 00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:39,370 Lord knows I've had the practice. 296 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,240 Come on, man! 297 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,290 I'm trying! 298 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,560 Well, try harder, man! 299 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:48,720 You! I demand you reactivate this device with immediate effect! 300 00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:51,120 - Any joy with the people from Goggle? - Me again! 301 00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:53,880 Today I thought we could do halls and common passageways. 302 00:16:53,890 --> 00:16:56,170 Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. 303 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,160 Darling! There you are. 304 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:01,010 - Now, I know I said no pressure, but... - None of it is real. 305 00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:02,120 None of it is real. 306 00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:03,730 A lady doesn't mumble. 307 00:17:06,810 --> 00:17:08,680 Don't suppose you've seen a body anywhere? 308 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,320 Is that a no? 309 00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:23,290 Will you be my friend? 310 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,010 Do you think it's something we said? 311 00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:41,160 - And press the hilt of the venturi... - What is a venturi? 312 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,120 - ...into the domed brass union. - What's a union?! 313 00:17:46,890 --> 00:17:50,560 Don't panic. It takes maybe ten, 20 seconds. 314 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,970 Oh, that's good. 315 00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:53,770 Oh, that's bad. 316 00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:57,280 - Mike! - Jesus, you scared me! 317 00:17:57,290 --> 00:17:58,320 It's no good, OK, I need to go and get some... 318 00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:00,560 Holy Mary Mother of God! 319 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,720 - Oh, my God. - What's wrong? 320 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,320 "What's wrong"?! The room is full of zombies! 321 00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:07,880 Donkeys? 322 00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:09,520 Honey, I promise you it isn't. 323 00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:11,520 Then I have to go back to the hospital and get some drugs 324 00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:13,760 or some therapy or a bang on the other side of my head, 325 00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:15,140 or whatever it takes to stop me from seeing the cast of 326 00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:17,320 The Night Of The Dead every single time I walk into a room! 327 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:20,080 It's Night Of The Living De... Not now. 328 00:18:20,090 --> 00:18:22,040 I can't go on like this, OK? 329 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:23,720 So you either drive me to the hospital right now, 330 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,240 or I drive myself. 331 00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:26,560 And I see things that aren't there! 332 00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:28,730 - Well, we are. - I'll get my keys. 333 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,600 Red lever. 334 00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,770 Red lever! Red lever! 335 00:18:40,890 --> 00:18:42,160 What now? Aly?! 336 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,360 What's wrong? 337 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,210 Red lever! 338 00:18:46,810 --> 00:18:48,170 Red lever? 339 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,210 On it! 340 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,970 Oh, what? 341 00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:09,690 - How did you know about the red...? - Maybe we should go. 342 00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:11,320 Yeah, yeah, we're going. 343 00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:13,280 No, no, no, I mean away from here. 344 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:15,320 Just move out. It just doesn't feel right. 345 00:19:15,330 --> 00:19:17,080 What? Why would you say that? 346 00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:20,560 It's hard to put my finger on. 347 00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:22,690 All right. Just...one thing at a time, yeah? 348 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,080 We'll talk about this later. 349 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:25,920 Electric windows! 350 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,970 - Get out of here! - OK, OK! 351 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,730 I say. 352 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,560 Well, fascinating. 353 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,760 But you don't see them now, do you? 354 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,840 Not since we left the house. 355 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,560 Maybe I'm on the mend! 356 00:19:52,330 --> 00:19:54,160 Yes, I know how loans work. 357 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,320 - Sort of. - As I've said before, sir... 358 00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:58,160 But surely if we just give you the money back, then... 359 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,440 - ...we cannot end the agreement now. - Yes. 360 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,240 - Do you see? - Yes, I see. 361 00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:04,000 Do you think it was related to the accident? 362 00:20:04,010 --> 00:20:06,640 - Oh, yes, undoubtedly. - Oh, good. 363 00:20:06,650 --> 00:20:10,400 So it should just...stop happening, as I heal? 364 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,920 Well, my diagnosis, based on what you've told me 365 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,480 is that your accident left you so close to death yourself, 366 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,440 you're now able to see dead people. 367 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,680 - What do you mean? - Well... 368 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,680 can you see me? 369 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,560 - Yes. - Exactly. 370 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:25,490 I'm dead. 371 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,410 So sorry to have kept you. 372 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,210 Oh, she's very good. 373 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,040 What can I do for you? 374 00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:36,290 All right, listen to what I'm... 375 00:20:37,510 --> 00:20:39,560 - Wait. - The doctor's dead! 376 00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:43,410 I just... 377 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:45,960 I don't understand. If it's come back, 378 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,440 why not accept the sedatives? 379 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,490 - I mean, they might help with... - Because... 380 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:53,120 back at the house I see the same faces every day. 381 00:20:53,130 --> 00:20:55,930 But at the hospital, completely different ones. 382 00:20:56,010 --> 00:20:58,360 Different places, different faces. 383 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,760 - Why would my brain do that? - OK, that is... 384 00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:01,770 It wouldn't. 385 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:03,800 Because they're not in here. 386 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,530 They're out there. 387 00:21:26,130 --> 00:21:28,690 Right, we're selling up. We'll buy a little new-build. 388 00:21:28,850 --> 00:21:31,930 One of those soulless little boxes that I've always hated. 389 00:21:32,530 --> 00:21:33,520 One bed's fine. 390 00:21:33,530 --> 00:21:36,930 Just somewhere with absolutely no past whatsoever. 391 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,290 Right. Yeah. 392 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:40,560 It's just... 393 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:42,930 OK, er, well... 394 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,800 - I don't want you to get mad. - Am I going to get mad? 395 00:21:44,810 --> 00:21:47,400 Yes. I spoke to the loan people and, 396 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,600 with the prepayment penalties and... 397 00:21:50,090 --> 00:21:53,600 Well, long story short, getting out now 398 00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:55,160 would probably bankrupt us. 399 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,480 And I only added "probably" to make it sound better. 400 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,120 Didn't you read the contracts?! 401 00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:02,120 I gave them what I'd call a lengthy skim. 402 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,730 Oh, Mike, I could kill you! 403 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,410 Good idea! 404 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,450 Though maybe not here, just because he might... 405 00:22:12,010 --> 00:22:12,880 Right! 406 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,930 Well, there's only one thing for it, isn't there? 407 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,200 Fine! I see you! OK?! 408 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,000 I see Major-General Can't-Sing, 409 00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:25,480 I see Captain Cave-Prick, I see all of you! 410 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,000 OK? You win! 411 00:22:27,010 --> 00:22:28,640 Mission accomplished! 412 00:22:28,650 --> 00:22:29,800 I admit your existence. 413 00:22:29,810 --> 00:22:32,120 Now what the hell do you want?! 414 00:22:32,130 --> 00:22:33,440 We want you out of this house! 415 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,410 Yes, you do not belong here! 416 00:22:35,570 --> 00:22:36,480 Well, that's tough, isn't it? 417 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,280 Because thanks to my resident mortgage advisor, 418 00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:40,520 we're stuck here! 419 00:22:40,530 --> 00:22:42,720 OK, you're officially freaking me out. 420 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:43,600 So how about you leave? 421 00:22:43,610 --> 00:22:46,760 - We can't leave. - You sort of just stays where you dies. 422 00:22:46,770 --> 00:22:49,040 And how you dies... Died! 423 00:22:49,050 --> 00:22:50,440 It's your classic haunted house. 424 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,080 - Er, Alison... - Whoa. Right. 425 00:22:53,090 --> 00:22:54,560 So I can't go and you can't go. 426 00:22:54,570 --> 00:22:55,320 So... 427 00:22:56,160 --> 00:23:00,490 what will it take to get you all just out of my face, huh? 428 00:23:00,890 --> 00:23:03,160 What do you want? What do you actually want?! 429 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,690 Specifically! You? 430 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,120 Right! I'll tell you what we want. 431 00:23:08,130 --> 00:23:09,880 We demand that... 432 00:23:11,250 --> 00:23:12,880 one hour a week of the thing about tanks 433 00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:15,200 and anything on superweapons, please? Thank you. 434 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,400 - Done! Next. - It feels like I should call someone? 435 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:18,520 Who you gonna call?! 436 00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:19,800 You, Sourpuss. 437 00:23:20,770 --> 00:23:24,040 Remove my husband's portrait, and fill the hole in my wall! 438 00:23:24,050 --> 00:23:26,960 - Done. You? - Divorce him, kill yourself, marry me. 439 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,240 - No. - To which bit? 440 00:23:28,250 --> 00:23:30,640 - You? - I just wanted to say hello!! 441 00:23:30,650 --> 00:23:32,410 - Hello! - Oh, hello. 442 00:23:32,610 --> 00:23:34,840 And on behalf of myself and my fellow ghosts... 443 00:23:34,850 --> 00:23:38,240 Listen. I want those slanderous beggars at Goggle 444 00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,520 to amend my entry for the next edition. 445 00:23:40,530 --> 00:23:41,640 I am a respectable... 446 00:23:41,650 --> 00:23:43,320 It doesn't work like that, it's the internet. 447 00:23:43,330 --> 00:23:45,720 Right. And where are they based? 448 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,200 It's everywhere. In every house in the country, in the world. 449 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,410 You mean every person on the planet just thinks of me as 450 00:23:52,570 --> 00:23:55,400 the weirdo MP who died in some sex scandal? 451 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,970 - That was you?! - What? No! 452 00:23:58,610 --> 00:24:00,970 I don't want anything, actually. Who's next? 453 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,770 Renounce Satan, witch! 454 00:24:04,890 --> 00:24:05,530 Um, ok! 455 00:24:05,890 --> 00:24:08,360 Yeah, yeah, that's probably done it. 456 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,120 And what about you, Budget Tarzan? 457 00:24:12,370 --> 00:24:13,400 What do you want? 458 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,650 - Oh, nuffin', thanks. - Nothing? 459 00:24:16,650 --> 00:24:17,690 So you just spent... 460 00:24:19,010 --> 00:24:21,010 So you just spent the last three days 461 00:24:21,050 --> 00:24:23,680 hiding in every little tiny little dark corner 462 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,440 in this entire house, 463 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,010 scaring me out of my mind, 464 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:29,320 for no reason?! 465 00:24:29,890 --> 00:24:31,560 Well, it was something to do. 466 00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,400 My turn! I think we've got a lot in common. 467 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,280 OK, so I've just googled "psychotic break" 468 00:24:35,290 --> 00:24:37,000 and I'm not saying that this is one, 469 00:24:37,010 --> 00:24:38,480 but there is an article that I think you should have a... 470 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,650 Mike, this isn't... Can you just come with me? 471 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,360 All of you! 472 00:24:43,290 --> 00:24:44,280 Where are you going? 473 00:24:44,290 --> 00:24:45,730 To shut you all up. 474 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,560 Horsey to go dooka-dakka-deeko. 475 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,800 Dooka-dakka-deeko. 476 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:53,120 OK, you go. 477 00:24:53,130 --> 00:24:55,560 Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? 478 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,120 Even more softly. 479 00:24:59,010 --> 00:25:00,410 When's our sleepover again? 480 00:25:00,530 --> 00:25:02,080 - Eighth of March. - And what is it now? 481 00:25:02,090 --> 00:25:04,770 - June. - Oh! So exciting! 482 00:25:06,290 --> 00:25:07,320 How long's this on for? 483 00:25:07,330 --> 00:25:09,690 I need to contact this Vicky Pedia. 484 00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:18,490 Er, well played. 485 00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:21,600 Perhaps there is some Button blood in those veins after all. 486 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,200 Well, I'm not sure I buy all this, but I've moved the painting. 487 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:27,680 And bricked up the hole? 488 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,320 Yeah, I... filled... the hole. 489 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,770 Oh, this will NOT stand! 490 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:39,770 Well, you seem happier. 491 00:25:40,650 --> 00:25:43,240 The good news is I'm not mad. 492 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,410 That's a relief. What's the bad news? 493 00:25:50,890 --> 00:25:51,800 They are. 494 00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:07,720 Alison! 495 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,360 Turn the right-hand dial horizontal. 496 00:26:12,490 --> 00:26:13,970 And press the ignition. 497 00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:18,290 Ok. 498 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:20,890 I believe you. 499 00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:22,410 And, er... 500 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,120 ...thank you? 501 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,080 - They say you're welcome. - "They"? 502 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:27,840 You mean there's two of them?! 503 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,210 Yes. 36405

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