All language subtitles for S01E01 - Who Do You Think You Are

It won't be long now.

She had a tremendous innings.

At least she's comfortable.

Yeah, there are worse ways to go.

- Well, this is it. - You're telling me!

You can say that again.

Quiet.

I think it's happening.

Stand by.

I think she's going.

Oh, I do hope she stays.

Tenner says she stays.

- Deal. - I can't see anything. Can you lift me up a bit?

Oh, not this again.

Who are you?

I am the ghost of your great-grandmother.

We are those poor spirits who dwell on,

compelled for reasons unknown...

Ah, she's gone.

- Lucky cow. - Good on her, actually.

What's going on? All I can see is shoes.

- You owe me ten. - Oh, no, no.

If you listened to what I actually said...

Oh, don't start.

Guys, if you please!

Perhaps one of us should say a few words.

Yes, I'll do it.

Bagsie her room.

Oh, she's only just died.

Well, I'll wait until they've taken her away, of course.

She was the last Button of Button House.

The final Button died today.

Though, where she goes, we cannot say.

Oh, he's off again.

- It seems but only yesterday... - Hey, come on.

Don't go without me. Oh, stupid body.

Her life, twas like...

..a play.

But with no children of her own,

who then will come to call this home?

Well, it's bigger than the place we're renting.

And slightly over budget, but...

Does it have a garden?

No, but the downstairs flat's got one you can look at.

Yeah?

Sorry, one second.

Hello, Clasey Hughes Estate.

Nice view of the street.

Yeah.

"Buddy's Fish 'n' Pizza."

Well, we do like both those things.

- It's rubbish, isn't it? - Yep.

- It's so bad. - It's awful.

And I hate it.

- Sorry. - Nah, fair enough.

I wouldn't want to live here either.

Hello?

Hello, is that Alison Cooper?

- Speaking. - I'm calling about a house.

We're only looking at flats. We can't afford to buy a house.

This one's not for sale.

Then why are you calling?

God, I hate estate agents.

Apart from the good ones like you.

Yep?

Sorry, I think we've got off on the wrong foot.

I'm a solicitor at Worthing, Cole and Simons, and I'm calling

to inform you that you have in fact inherited a house.

Hello?

Hello?

That's you in the corner there.

So, she was like my step-great auntie?

There's no real term for what you are,

but she sadly had no direct relatives and so you're the only one.

I feel like I'm in the head master's office.

I put a pussy willow in Daniel Bellingham's ear,

and he tried to get it out and just pushed it further in.

He had to go to the doctors.

It wasn't A&E or anything, it was just...

He's fine now. He's a pastry chef.

These look nice.

That's potpourri.

Was she old?

She was 99.

Oh, so close.

And there she is.

Lady Heather Button.

The Buttons go back a long way.

Lady?

Does that mean I'm a lady?

OK, I know I'm a lady, but, like, a lady lady?

Like, Lady Gaga. No, no...

It's not this house, is it?

As a matter of fact, it is.

Button House.

No.

Now, obviously, it can take several years to find a buyer

and close the sale...

Luxury hotel chains, that sort of thing.

- What if we keep it? - Yes. That is a great idea.

The house is in a state of some disrepair.

We were looking for a bit of a project anyway

and I retiled the bit behind the sink in our last flat, so...

- The splashback? - Is it?

I'm not sure this falls into the category of DIY.

You should at least have a survey done before...

I just feel like it would be better to keep it in the family.

I think, actually, that's what she would have wanted.

- Aunt Helen. - Heather.

- Heather. - And if it can make money for some hotel chain,

then why not make it work for us?

- We could give up our jobs. - Yes.

We could do this full time.

OK, yes.

Can we keep it? If we want to?

Well, it is your house.

Sorry.

Look what the cat's dragged in.

Down here.

You're warm.

Getting warmer.

You're boiling.

No. Cold... Getting cold.

Down here! You deaf...

Well, I've got the ears, haven't I?

Little guy...

- Pawn. - Prawn...

Go dooka, dooka.

- But that's... - Checkmate.

Fine. Best of 20.

Come on.

Ideally,

you want it about five potatoes high.

This one's going to have mud on it,

but you don't have to have mud on it.

This is the tip.

We insert the tip into the split.

Then repeat the process until you be done.

Right, lovely talk of the day from Mary today.

I think I can safely say if we had any wicker,

or indeed we could touch anything,

we could all make a pretty rad-looking basket.

Maybe next week, please,

we'd all be very interested to hear about the trial.

The witch trial...

Too soon?

When you're ready.

So, tomorrow is food club!

When Kitty will be telling us all about the first time

- she ate an egg. - I actually didn't like it.

All right, Kitty. Well, save it for tomorrow, please.

Give us something look forward to.

And then on Wednesday, Julian has volunteered to make a speech.

Yes, my by-election victory speech. '91.

Very inspiring, very long and a few smutty jokes

to keep it light.

Oh, God. Spare me.

Right, that's it.

Pat, sit down.

Right, AOB? Any other business?

Well, I have got something, actually.

Now, ever since I moved rooms,

I've been woken every night by you,

Fanny, screaming like a mad person.

Well, I don't think I do!

I always thought that was an owl.

An owl?

Do you know what an owl sounds like?

Well, now, I don't think so.

It has got to stop!

Look, this is my house and I shall do what I like.

It was mine first.

No, that's the land, not the house.

Well, I wish you would all hush.

I cannot do my work with all this agitation.

Work? You haven't done a day's work in your life, or death.

He's an artist.

He's ahead of his time.

Oh, he can't still be ahead of his time, Kitty.

Guys, please!

Why don't you just go back to your old room in the east wing?

I don't see why I should.

I wanted the garden view. Now, as ranking officer...

The garden view comes with the screaming woman.

You get used to it after 100 years.

It's simple.

You swap rooms.

You go up top,

you come ground floor and no jumpy.

Right. Well, that would suit me, I think.

Yeah, that could work.

Not just a pretty face.

Well, quite.

Splendid.

Fanny?

What is it, Fanny?

George?

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Throw yourself out of your own damned window.

*I'm bringing sexy back...*

*My life has been so overprotected.*

I always get the timing wrong on that.

Hang on, hang on.

I think this is it.

Oh, my God.

My heart.

It's so strange.

I feel like I know the place already.

This track, every tree.

It's like I've been here my whole life.

Like it's...home.

- This is the wrong one. - Yeah.

This really is beyond the pale.

Oh, has it happened again?

You went in my room, you said, "George",

and then threw yourself out of the window.

Well, look, I don't even realise I'm doing it.

Perhaps there's something deeply buried reason why you feel

like you have to re-enact...

Maybe try jumping out of the window before bed,

get it out of the way.

No, it's not so much the jumping, it's the screaming that's annoying.

Yes, that's a compromise.

Keep the jumping, but do it silently.

Staying hush whilst falling from a height?

Tush and flops.

Look, perhaps I scream because...

..and I've never told anyone this, but...

It's quite all right. We shan't pry.

It's just that the night that I actually...

No, look, no screaming.

That's all I ask. Is that reasonable? Good.

Box. Move.

Wheel.

- Motor car. - Car!

It's like a blooming spaceship.

Poor creatures must be lost.

It's Kim Wilde.

Let me pluck out my eyes for never will I see such beauty again.

Yes, he'd make a very fine soldier.

Shall we, Lady Alison?

Oh, my...

This is 100% the most incredible moment of my life,

apart from my wedding.

And it's all ours.

What did that girl just say?

She must be related to you.

Like a niece, a great, great, great...

No, no, no, no. She's no niece of mine.

Look at her. She's exposing her knees and she's got a tattoo.

So, this is the library.

Does that mean we have to start reading books?

Philistine.

It'll be nice to have some new faces around.

There's enough faces already.

We have to fix up all the plasterwork.

But need fix architrave.

Oh, yeah.

- We could do every room in a different style. - Great idea.

Over my dead body!

- Wait... - I know.

Ye olde worlde.

1950s.

Club Tropicana.

That's fun.

Unbelievable.

Well, they seem really nice. Let's give them a chance.

Look at that.

- What is that? - Is that a lake?

I hate it when that happens.

It's a lake.

Well, there's only two of them. Still plenty of room for us.

This is going to make one incredible hotel.

What is hotel?

Well, a hotel is...

Kill them.

I quite agree.

If we all approve the use of force to enable them to,

you know, not live any more.

Out of the question. That's completely immoral.

And it's wrong.

And if we do kill them, we could be stuck with them forever.

Would that so bad?

She's married, Thomas. Look at them.

Why must I always be spurned?

Couldn't we all just live in the gatehouse?

I'd rather kill them.

- Kill them. - Here, here.

But that's a crime.

We'll hang.

Dammit, Fanny!

We could always try...

Haunting?

We're ghosts.

Your tea, m'lady.

Thank you, Jeeves.

- Taste all right? - Why?

I couldn't get any water in the kitchen

and I couldn't find the other kitchen,

so I ended up using the garden tap,

and then there's no electric in the kitchen,

so I found a plug that works in the library.

I don't know if the water's drinkable,

but I boiled it twice.

I love the sound of the country.

It's in the room.

Oh, yeah.

It must be nesting somewhere.

Right, what's first?

The pipes? Electrics?

Probably get the bird out the room.

Yeah.

Come on, then, pigeon.

Now, then.

Let's have a look at some

of the skills at our disposal, shall we?

Now, we all know that Robin can do that thing with the lights.

Will you please, Robin?

Oh, yeah.

Very good.

Yes, Mary.

When I pass through the livings, they smells burnings.

Excellent. None of those are plural, but...

Tis a most noxious stink.

When I was alive...

Oh, here he goes.

It was rumoured a little plague girl could often be heard singing

in the pantry.

*Ring a ring o' roses*

*A pocketful of posies*

*A-tishoo*

*A-tishoo*

*We all fall down.*

People find it scary apparently.

I can't think why.

Finally, we're all aware of Julian's extraordinary powers.

Oh, please.

No, no.

All right, all right, all right.

Just I need a little bit...

OK, here we go.

Right.

Hold on.

Here we go.

- Extraordinary! - I've only tried it on cups, but, you know.

Excellent. Well, with my leadership and your skills...

I believe we have everything we need

to scare them out of their wits.

The water's gone cold.

It's so cold.

Mike.

- Thomas? - What?

I wasn't looking, and anyway, I couldn't see anything.

All right, mate.

Is she coming out?

Yes, I think she is.

She's coming out!

Stand to, everybody.

Prepare for action.

Good luck, everyone.

And remember, as long as you do your best...

- Finished? - Yes.

Hot water's stopped.

Go for Robin.

Man down. Right, cue Jemima.

*Ring a ring o' roses...*

Yes! Got the speakers hooked up.

Well, that's the main thing.

Yes, please, Mary.

I think your toast is burning.

Dammit!

- All on you now, Julian. Go for it! - Come on, Julian!

- Come on, Julian! - Push it!

Come on, Julian! Come on, push it!

Push it! Come on!

Come on! Push it!

Dammit!

It's much bigger than a cup, so...

Haunting's hard, isn't it?

So, how did it go?

Guys?

Right, well, I think the boiler is in...

There?

After you.

Sing something, make this less scary.

*Don't be scared*

*Don't be scared*

*I'm not scared...*

OK, you're making it worse.

There's another switch here.

I can fix this.

What?

Are you joking?

- Who are they? - I don't know.

I'll look it up on YouTube.

Mike, not everything can be learned from a YouTube tutorial.

You'd be surprised. I found a guide on how to tame an eagle.

Yeah, but that's not... What, an actual eagle?

- Why would you need to know that? - I don't know.

- Cool, though. - So cool.

Oi, don't fiddle with that. Do you even know what that does?

Yeah, it's a thing for the thingy bob.

It's the valve for the filling loop.

- Fixed it. - No, you haven't.

It's just the pilot light.

Do you think we need a new one?

What? Get rid of old Betsy?

No, no.

Let's see what the surveyor says next week.

Okay.

- Ready? - What for?

Ready.

- I wasn't ready. - Well, that was nice, anyway.

Yeah, come back soo...

Oh, they can't hear me, can they?

They're not warming up down here.

How's yours?

Give me a sec.

There you are.

Hello.

We'll be overrun with people taunting us with their life.

No, we'll just try again.

If at first you don't succeed...

Precisely.

That's right.

We must prepare another charge.

Hit them when they're vulnerable.

We may have lost the battle, but the war is far from over.

- Fanny's early. - I'm right here.

What?

It's Kim Wilde!

Alison!

Alison!

Alison.

Look at me. Look at me.

Alison, can you hear me?

Alison.

Alison, I'm here.

Can you hear me? Yeah?

Stay with me.

Keep your eyes open.

Alison, I'm here.

Let me be absolutely clear.

- Did you push her? - Well, now,

the thing you have to understand is this...

I'm sorry, but it's rather a yes or no question.

I took a decision to...

Pushy or no pushy?

Robin, let me ask you this. You know, what was the context?

Answer the question, damn you!

Thomas, I'm trying to answer the question,

if you'll let me finish.

Now, look here. A sacrifice was made for the greater good.

We wanted her out of the house, didn't we?

This has either killed her or scared her off.

You don't just do that to someone.

What kind of coward would push a lady out of the window?

Now, steady on, Fanny.

No, I won't, because I was pushed.

You hear me? I was pushed.

And I have never told a soul.

It was my husband, George.

- I caught him upon the groundskeeper... - Good lord.

With the butler on him.

- Like a sandwich? - A man-wich.

- It's actually known as a Moroccan tea party. - Guys!

Clearly, he didn't trust me with his sordid little secret,

so he just did away with me.

But he was wrong, wasn't he? He was very wrong.

Because I have kept it, haven't I?

Until now.

Until now.

I mean, I did know that.

- I watched all of that. - So did I.

I wish I had watched it.

Well, Fanny.

That must have been a terrible burden to bear

for all those years.

Perhaps now that you've shared it,

you'll be free of your nightly terrors.

Oh, do you suppose so?

I'm sure of it.

Fanny!

You see, Pat, what did I tell you?

That's where talking gets you.

- Nowhere! - It was silly of me to suggest it really.

Lesson learnt. What shall we do?

I don't know. I'm not going to spend eternity

listening to that racket at the same time every night.

It's worth a try.

Much better.

- Morning. - Morning.

- Good morning. - Good day.

Finally.

Things can get back to normal around here.

Shift over.

Can't I lie down?

I'm so tired.

Poor you.

It's all right for you.

You've been asleep for two weeks.

It's called a coma.

Induced coma.

You all right?

Yeah.

I'm glad you didn't die.

Well, technically, I did for a bit.

Did I dream that house?

I feel like I dreamt it all.

Have you had the survey back?

No. No, not yet.

Now, have her face the right way,

you want the end with the milk there,

not the end for looking and chewing out of.

You want to take this finger and this finger,

gently but quickly, and that releases a big squirt of the stuff.

- Good Lord. - Chuck some of the muck out.

So, you can check then if the milk be smooth and white,

not beige and lumpy.

Oh, my goodness. They're coming back!

What?

Right, so you know how I said the survey hadn't come back?

Oh, God.

What did it say?

How does she seem? Is it she OK?

I don't know, they're not getting out of the carriage.

Well, there's good news and bad news.

Ok, ok, ok.

Well...

Give me the good news...

The bad news is that the repairs are extensive,

like, big structural stuff,

plumbing, electrics, can't even begin to renovate

this place without a huge amount of cash to do those things.

- OK. Yeah... - So, the good news is I took out a loan!

- What? - Yeah. I took out a loan.

Some loans. Paid some deposits.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want you to worry.

This is your dream, right?

I'm going to do everything I can to make it come true.

Oh, they're already here.

Come on, then.

All right, mate.

- How you doing? - Terry.

So, we're going to inspect the site, make it safe.

Everyone has to wear one of these for now.

Insurance reasons mainly, but, well, you just should.

- Cool. - Cracking on, then.

Exciting, isn't it?

Why don't you go and have a lie down

and I'll grab your bags, yeah?

You should be wearing a hard hat.

Button House reduced to a tawdry boarding house.

What will become of us?

Oh, she spoke to me, she spoke to me, she saw me,

- she spoke to me. - What? What the devil are you talking about?

Oh, there you are.

I thought you were getting some rest.

No turning back now.

- What if we made a mistake? - What?

What if this was a bad idea and we should have just sold it?

Don't say that. This is a great idea.

It's going to take a lot of work, but we can do it.

Mike.

You're terrified, and I get it.

Mike.

I get it. I'm scared too.

This house and what we're doing,

it's a huge challenge and who knows

what we're going to have to deal with on the way?

But, in the end, we've got each other.

It's just us in this big old house.

There's nothing to be scared of, is there?