Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up, why is Q having a breakdown?

I can't open it.

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: Why is Joe getting pushy?

I know. But you just go that way first. That's all.

[ Both laugh ]

Narrator: And which losing Joker is making all dogs go to heaven

in tonight's big punishment?

[ Laughter ]

Sal: Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

[ Laughter ]

Murr: I want my mommy!

[ Laughter ]

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

[ Laughter ]

Today, we're in New York City at Specs!

While working the sales floor,

we'll have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do or say anything, you lose.

May the coolest Joker win.

-Yeah, Murr! -You're gonna win!

-You're gonna win! -[ Laughing ]

-Two best friends at work again. -Yeah, here we go.

There's your partner.

Is this homeboy sporting a Suplex City shirt?

Suplex City? All right, very cool, very cool.

Sal, this guy that Murray's helping,

go give him a warning.

-For what? -For whatever you think.

[ Laughing ]

-I'm James, by the way. -Excuse me, sir. Hi. Sal.

How are you?

Yeah, I just -- I heard you guys speaking about...

I work with him.

...about social things at first with the WWE Raw.

Yes.

Yeah, this is just gonna be a first warning.

You know, we're gonna stick to business here.

Let's please not talk about any social things, okay?

Other than that, if you need help, let us know,

but just a warning.

[ Both laugh ]

Let's try these just for shape, okay?

Uh-oh, uh-oh. The guy touched the merchandise.

Aww.

That's got to be it. I'm sorry.

You know, we can't have you touching the glasses.

These are pieces of artwork. They're very expensive.

Two.

Murr, start blaming him, start blaming him.

Why did you do that?

[ Both laugh ]

Joe: Look at Sal. Look at him.

Let's just be cool with this.

[ Both laugh ]

-He caught Sal staring at him. -Staring at him, yeah.

He put his hands behind his back.

[ Both laugh ]

That shape's not bad for you.

Hmm.

Nice.

[ Both laugh ]

Murr, hand him glasses to hold.

Look at these.

That's it, man. Get the [bleep] out. Whoa!

[ Both laugh ] This is it. This is your last warning.

Goodbye.

[ Both laugh ]

Sal, I want you to spit-shine those glasses for her.

Oh, God.

Using your boxer shorts.

[ Both laugh ]

I'll show you right now. This is actually, uh...

These are one of our hottest sellers.

They just came in. So you want to try these on.

[ Both laughing ]

I sell five a day.

Five a day. You're gonna love them.

[ Both laugh ]

There's no way she puts them on, right? No way puts them on.

[ Both laughing ]

Oh, now these...

Now those -- those are not --

These are not as popular. I've yet to sell a pair.

[ Laughing ]

Sal... [ Loudly clears throat ]

[ Loudly clearing throat ]

Oh, okay.

[ Both laugh ]

Welcome to Specs. How are you, sir?

Are you a painter?

Are you a painter, by the way?

[ Laughing ]

You know, 'cause you have paint all over you.

You know? I thought it was...

Are you like a hunter or a soldier?

Oh.

Yeah, I see it.

Yeah, you do. It looks great, man.

Sal, wander over to that guy

and ask him for an estimate on a 10x10 room in blue.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

I just got a new place.

I'm remodeling,

and I'm looking to get this room -- it's a 10x10 room.

I'm gonna get it done in sky blue.

How much would you charge for something like that?

No, no, no, Sal. Sal, he -- it's camo.

He's not a painter. I thought the same thing.

It's camo. He's a soldier.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh.

You paint on the side, then.

Painting is on the side? Is that what it is?

I knew it! I knew it! You were a painter.

I knew it!

10x10. It's a 10x10 room is what I'm saying.

How much should they charge you? Yeah.

Go on craigslist.

-Thanks, Sherman Moore. -Yeah.

Benjamin Moore?

Oh, Benjamin Moore. Sherman...

-Sherman Williams. -Thanks, Sherman Williams.

Yeah, Sherman Williams. [ Laughter ]

-Murr, one last question. -Bud, one -- one last question.

-One last question. -What's up?

What'd you have for lunch that you got gold all in your teeth?

It's not raining out, right? No, good.

[ Both laugh ]

-Damn it. -Nice.

At the buzzer.

How you doing today? All right?

Good. Looking for anything in particular,

or just browsing around? Cool.

We'll take the loss, straight out,

if one of you guys pantses him.

[ Laughing ]

-No, no, no, no, no! -No, Joe!

[ Both laugh ]

Looking for anything in particular

or just browsing around? Cool.

We'll take the loss, straight out,

if one of you guys pantses him.

[ Laughing ]

-No, no, no, no, no! -No, Joe!

No, no, no!

[ Both laugh ] Aww.

Hey, how's it going, man?

So, we planted a prop for Joe to help this customer out.

Joey, put it on.

You need help with something?

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, yeah, yeah, we got all of them all up in here.

The guy won't look him in the face.

[ Both laugh ]

Look at Q!

Switch the patch to the other eye right now.

Did I hear that you were asking for your girlfriend or for you?

No, I asked him -- These are for him, right?

Oh, oh, okay, okay.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Coughs ]

Do it again. Keep doing it, keep doing it.

What about the old-fashioned Ray-Ban Wayfarers, man?

The classics are good, 'cause I got the bad left eye.

[ Both laugh ]

Can you put it between the two eyes?

People say classic, this is what I always go to,

because -- Check that out.

[ Both laugh ]

Those work out nice 'cause I got the --

I got the -- I got the two bad eyes.

That's good.

[ Laughing ]

Hi. How are you?

Q, show her some glasses in the case right behind you.

Try to open it,

and when you can't, resort to smashing it.

[ Laughing ]

That's a good one.

Hey, we're having a sale today

on some Aviators,

some old-school-type Ray-Bans.

You want to take a look at them? All right, no problem.

I -- I can't open it.

[ Laughter ]

Joe, Joe! Try to sell those glasses!

Yeah, these -- these are nice. This frame here is a --

This is a good -- That's the classic.

All on sale.

We also got the Aviators.

Joe, ask her, "So you definitely don't want these?"

You definitely don't want these, right?

So throw them on the ground, then, Q, smash them.

Here you go.

You could wear anything, actually.

Any of them.

[ Both laughing ]

But they were $20, buy one, get one for these guys.

These are just today.

She's having a completely normal conversation.

That's why I really like the color on them.

These are just fun.

Yeah, we normally have them on display right out front.

For me, it's between those and the Aviators.

I'll hold this here.

Q smash!

Um, and then this is -- this is not --

This is a little too masculine.

You're gonna pick between these two.

She's ignoring it! She's ignoring it!

Uh...

I couldn't find the key.

-Oh. -I had it.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Ding! ]

Narrator: Sal and Murr couldn't see eye-to-eye,

so they're first up on the loser board.

Today, we're going head-to-head at Food Bazaar Supermarket,

playing a game called Pass My Message.

To start, one guy will be given a message

that he has to get a customer to deliver to the other guy.

And then the other guy will have to get that same customer

to relay a message back, and so on and so on.

If you can't get the customer to go back

and relay your message, you lose.

Joe: There we go.

So, we got to get somebody to pass a message

back and forth to us, right?

Yes. The last message wins.

-Can you do me a favor? -Uh-huh.

My buddy working over there, I got to ask him a question.

Do you still want to play Ninjas later?

Does he still want to play Ninjas later?

Yeah, thank you, buddy.

[ Both laugh ]

He's coming back!

Hey.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's my friend.

Oh, he wants to know if I want to play Ninjas tonight?

Tell him, "Maybe. What time you thinking?"

Thanks, bud.

-Look at this. -Oh, man.

I can't believe this is working.

Oh, I don't know. I mean, if it's --

You figure it's 4:40 now.

By the time we get out, get ready,

can you tell him about 9:30?

-By 9:30? -Yeah, thank you so much.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, this guy is way too nice.

Way too nice.

Oh. I can't do 9:30. Ask him if 10:00 is okay.

-About 10:00? -10:00. Thank you, bud.

Thank you so much.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, look at him go!

He can do it at 10:00?

I just don't know if he wants to go to his place or mine.

-Okay. -Thank you so much.

[ Both laugh ]

I cannot believe what people will do!

-Oh, to his place or mine? -Yeah.

To play Ninjas. One sec, one sec.

No, no, no.

Oh, oh, oh! He's out!

Come on! Come on!

Just one last message.

Just tell him his place has more crime,

so let's play Ninjas there.

Just one -- just one --

[ Both laugh ]

Son of a bitch!

Unbelievable!

Wow.

Damn it.

[ Buzzer ]

All right.

Excuse me. Are you going that way?

-Yeah. -Can I ask you for a favor?

My manager's been yelling at me all day.

That's my buddy down there.

Could you give him a message for me?

Tell him, "I thought you could take a compliment."

He's a little angry with me.

Could you just tell him I thought he could take a compliment?

Because my manager's screaming at me

that I'm not doing this.

I'm in a little bit of trouble right now.

Thank you. Thanks so much.

-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! -The game is on.

Okay, yeah.

Oh. Well, I'll ask your opinion.

"Your nose looks small in that hat"? That's a compliment?

[ Both laugh ]

Could you just do me a favor and just give him your opinion

and tell him I don't think that was a compliment?

Because I don't even want to deal with it.

Just go ahead. Go back over there and just tell him that.

You can, watch. Here, let me help you out.

I know. But just go that way first. That's all.

[ Both laughing ]

Okay, I'm sorry. I hurt his feelings.

I didn't mean to.

Yeah.

That wasn't nice?

[ Both laugh ]

So what's a good compliment, then?

That's great. Could you tell him?

I can't do it, no.

Please, I'm in trouble! My boy's so angry with me.

You're headed that way anyway.

No, you're headed that way anyway.

Could you just tell him that I think he's a beautiful man

and a good, hard worker?

Thank you. You're an angel.

Just one more good deed.

Please, please, please, please? One more good dead?

[ Both laugh ]

Sal: I think Joe's in trouble here.

Hi, babe.

[ Laughing ]

Have a good day. I got to go.

-Do me a solid. -[ Laughing ] No, no.

Look at me in the eyes. Look at me in the eyes.

Do you believe in love?

You believe in love. Yes.

Could you do me a favor and just go over there and tell him I still love him?

Just go and -- [ laughs ] Just, please.

You're already facing that way. Just go over there.

He better not tell me to give you any more --

Oh, yeah, if he does, don't do it.

Tell him I forgive him and I love him,

and that's it.

It comes from you, and that's it.

Thank you.

You're the best, baby. Thank you.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Q, you're screwed.

-Does he forgive me? -Yeah, please go tell him.

Could you -- could you tell him that I --

I hope he'll still be my friend?

Can you just tell him

that I hope we can still be friends after this?

Thank you.

She's going back!

I'm the best. Okay.

Tell him I said, no, he's the best.

[ Both laugh ]

Please just tell him I said, no --

Do that and tell him I said, no, you're the best.

You're the best. No, you're the best.

Thank you. I love your face.

Thank you. Cupid. You're my Cupid!

We get in trouble with the boss. He's watching.

[ Laughing ] Oh, my God!

I'm the best? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

[ Both laugh ]

Sal: He is done. He is done.

Could you just ask him if he thinks I'm better than Ray?

I'm the best? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

[ Both laugh ]

He is done. He is done.

Could you just ask him if he thinks I'm better than Ray?

[ Both laugh ]

'Cause you got to go down there and get it anyway.

Could you ask him if he thinks I'm better than Ray?

Ray works in the meat section.

He's always hanging out with Ray.

[ Laughing ]

-Oh-ho! -She's walking!

Q, it was over! I thought he was dead!

Oh, I love him better than Ray.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Buzzer ]

Q comes back in the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I thought it was over.

Narrator: Joe and Murr couldn't pass it on,

so they'll be continuing this conversation on the loser board.

Well, it's Sal vs. Murr in the Joker vs. Joker Challenge.

Today, you have to get people to join your protest.

But they don't know what they're protesting

because the signs have been written by me and Q.

If we can't get someone to join our ridiculous protest, we lose.

I am winning.

How do you plan on doing that?

I don't know.

I feel like the world needs to know

that we should make jail fun.

That's just good future planning for you.

[ Laughter ]

Make jail fun!

Sir, shouldn't we make jail fun?

Right? Then they'll stay there.

[ Laughter ]

Make jail fun! Make jail fun! [ Horn blares ]

Get out of the street.

Make jail fun!

Make -- Make jail fun, right?

Come on, hold -- Come on! Come on!

Make jail fun!

Just hold it for a second. Protest with me.

Woman: Make jail fun!

Make jail fun!

[ Horn honking ] Make jail fun!

Unbelievable!

[ Laughter ]

Here we go.

I'm ready to start a movement, and this is my cause.

"Dig up Gandhi"?

Oh, my God!

You know, he's got to be dug up.

It's for very important reasons,

which you're about to tell everyone on these streets.

Dig up Gandhi! Dig up Gandhi!

I'm trying to dig up -- Right?

Dig up Gandhi?

Yes, I'm trying to dig up Gandhi, right?

My mother went to India like 40 years ago --

No! And I think he's my father, but I need proof.

So I want to dig him up and do, like, a DNA test.

I might be his son.

[ Laughs ]

He's not cremated? You're sure?

No, I don't think so.

You don't think so? You better find out for sure.

This is what we're trying to find out.

[ Laughs ] I love that dude.

Yeah, let's try to find out.

Joe: This is not good.

I'm gonna go do that right now, but hold that for a second.

I'm sorry. This is a loss.

I should get his record, yeah.

Yeah, I know. I know.

[ Laughter ]

[ Buzzer ]

All right, bud.

Let's see what you got.

"'I' before 'E,' my wife is a 'C.'"

[ Laughter ]

How do I justify that?

I don't know. It's not my job.

This wipes out any females helping me.

Why?

You're assuming "C" is a bad word. Yeah.

"'I' before 'E,' my wife is a 'C.'"

[ Laughter ]

It's "'I' before 'E,'" everyone else in the household.

"My wife is a chef."

I get home from work, and there's no dinner left for me.

What? [ Laughs ]

I should come before everyone else in the house.

Save me some food, is all I'm saying.

No?

I'm working.

No, she's not.

Oh, yeah, but like --

Like she's a stay-at-home chef.

No, I know how to cook. I'm just saying I'm hungry, man.

[ Laughter ]

"C U Next Tuesday."

Oh.

People aren't talking to me

'cause they think I'm calling my wife a...

[ Laughs ]

-You want to help me protest? -No!

[ Laughter ]

I bet, yeah, yeah --

Your wife made you dinner, you son of a 'B'!

[ Buzzer ]

Narrator: Sal and Murr couldn't spread the word,

which makes Murr tonight's big loser.

Today, we are at the Boys & Girls Club of Hudson County

for Murr's punishment.

Murr, we got a bunch of little kids together

for a cool career job fair.

Yeah. All you got to do is go out there

and explain your career to these kids.

What's my career?

It's a great one. You're gonna love it.

Let's just say you're gonna connect with these kids on a different level.

So, I'll tell you a little bit about how I got started fencing.

I was a little bit older than you guys.

Joe: Careers are exciting.

These kids are full of potential.

They could be anything they want to be.

The potential in this room is incredible.

They could all be photographers or...

Yoga instructors. ...yoga instructors, or maybe what Murray does.

Who knows?

Thank you, guys.

And I'm gonna introduce James Murray to the stage.

Give him a round of applause.

-There we go. -And here we go.

Hi, everybody.

All: Hi.

My name is James Murray.

I'm here to talk to you about my career.

What is it? Good question.

Let's take a look at the screen.

Let's take a look at the screen.

Narrator: When you wake up to a loved one dead on the couch,

what do you do with the body?

Turn to James S. Murray for all your pet cremation needs.

He'll even do turtles,

burning the body in an 1,800-degree oven

and grinding shell and bone into a fine dust.

Man: Cowabunga, dude!

Narrator: Also, if you are over the age of 65

and seeking a divorce,

James S. Murray will get you the justice you deserve.

♪ For pet cremation ♪

♪ Grandparent divorce ♪

♪ Call James S. Murray, of course ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

Please call now.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: That's what I do.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughing ] I cremate pets,

and I help grandparents get divorced.

[ Laughter ]

♪ For pet cremation ♪

♪ Grandparent divorce ♪

♪ Call James S. Murray, of course ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

Please call now.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: That's what I do.

[ Laughing ] I cremate pets,

and I help grandparents get divorced.

Who here has pets?

Who here has pets?

[ Laughter ]

Who here has grandparents?

Oh.

Jackpot!

[ Laughter ]

Get one of their pets' names.

Who has a pet? Okay. What's your pet's name?

Royal? Royal, the dog.

How old is Royal? 6, okay.

-Getting up there! -Getting up there!

He's getting up there.

[ Laughter ]

How big is he?

Is he a small dog or a pretty big dog?

Royal will be cremated in about 30 minutes.

Royal, since he's a small dog,

it -- oh.

[ Laughter ]

It'll be pretty easy to cremate Royal,

'cause he's a tiny dog,

so that'll only take like 20, 30 minutes, at most.

[ Laughter ]

Does anyone know what divorce is?

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Does anyone know what divorce is?

-I do! -Yes, you do?

What is -- what is divorce?

Or grandparents. 'Cause that's what I do.

[ Laughing ] I only cater to grandparents who are unhappy.

Okay. So now just pull off that tablecloth there.

Oh, my God.

And have at it.

So, these are urns.

So when your pet dies...

Oh, my God. There's actually ashes.

[ Chuckles ]

When your pet dies, we give you these jars --

these collectible jars -- with ash in it.

Now, does anybody know what the ash is?

Does anybody know what the ash is?

[ Camille Saint-Saens' "Danse Macabre" plays ]

No, see, see, it's not the bones, but --

These are the bones.

[ Children gasp ]

-And as a reminder... -As a reminder...

...if any of your grandparents are unhappily married...

...if any of your grandparents are unhappily married,

I do that, too.

[ Laughter ]

Yes, you have a question.

Why would you want to help

somebody's grandparents get divorced?

[ Laughter ]

People make mistakes, right?

And, plus, I gots to make ends.

Plus, I gots to make ends.

You know, and some people would say

marriage is a social construct.

And some people would say that marriage is a social construct.

It's not really --

Monogamy's a sham.

[ Laughter ]

Who wants to see a major step in the cremation process?

Who wants to see

one of the major steps of the cremation process?

-Me! -Do you want to try?

Come on up, buddy. Come on.

We may have gone too far with this one.

This is a sifter.

This is called a sifter.

It sorts the ashes from everything else.

Now here -- you hold this over the bin.

Take a little silver urn, unscrew it.

And now sift it slowly.

There you go. Good job, buddy.

-What's in the sifter? -A little surprise in there.

What's in the sifter? What's left over?

Oh.

Oh, no.

It's -- it's the pet's collar.

[ Children gasp ]

[ Laughter ] Look at him! Look at the kid.

[ "Danse Macabre" continues ]

The whole room's going nuts.

And we give this to the owner, and they keep it as a memento.

Sal: [ Laughing ]

Look at the kid's face.

Why don't you hand out some cards, buddy, to bring us home?

[ Laughter ]

James Murray, pet cremator, grandparent divorce attorney.

James Murray -- You want one, too?

James Murray, pet cremator, grandparent divorce attorney.

James Murray, pet cremator, grandparent divorce attorney.