All language subtitles for How I Met Your Mother (2005) - S01E01 - Pilot (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)_Subtítulos01.UND
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1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,839
MAN:
Kids, I'm gonna tell you
2
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:06,940
an incredible story;
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,576
the story of how
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,278
I met your mother.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,612
Are we being punished
for something?
6
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:12,546
No.
7
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,415
Yeah, is this gonna
take a while?
8
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,352
Yes. 25 years ago,
before I was Dad,
9
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,488
I had this whole other life.
10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,494
It was way back in 2005.
11
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,463
I was 27, just starting
to make it as an architect
12
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:30,731
and living in New York
with Marshall,
13
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,300
my best friend from college.
14
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,767
My life was good.
15
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,004
And then Uncle Marshall went
and screwed the whole thing up.
16
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,473
Will you marry me?
17
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,175
Yes.
18
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:42,976
Perfect!
And then you're engaged.
19
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,912
You pop the champagne.
You drink a toast.
20
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,614
You have sex
on the kitchen floor.
21
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,948
Don't have sex
on our kitchen floor.
22
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,083
Got it.
23
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,851
Thanks for helping me
plan this out, Ted.
24
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,852
Dude, are you kidding?
25
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,053
It's you and Lilly.
26
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,988
I've been there
for all the big moments
of you and Lilly:
27
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,590
night you met,
28
00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,594
your first date,
other first things.
29
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:01,295
Yeah, sorry.
30
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,264
We thought you were asleep.
31
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,698
It's physics, Marshall.
32
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,835
If the bottom bunk moves,
the top bunk moves, too.
33
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,438
My God.
34
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,740
You're getting engaged tonight.
35
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,908
Yeah.
36
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,043
What are you doin' tonight?
37
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,646
What was I doing?
38
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,081
Here Uncle Marshall was taking
the biggest step of his life.
39
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,183
And me?
40
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,252
I'm calling up
your Uncle Barney.
41
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,187
Hey, so you know
how I've always had a thing
42
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,321
for half-Asian girls?
43
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:33,427
Well, now I've got
a new favorite-- Lebanese girls.
44
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,629
Lebanese girls
are the new half-Asians.
45
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,431
Hey, you want
to do somethin' tonight?
46
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,601
Okay, meet me at the bar
in 15 minutes. And suit up!
47
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,238
Hey.
48
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,740
Where's your suit?
Just once,
49
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,776
when I say suit up,
I wish you'd put on a suit.
50
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,144
I did that one time.
51
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:52,746
It was a blazer!
52
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,114
You know,
53
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:57,017
ever since college
it's been, Marshall
and Lilly and me.
54
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,153
Now, it's gonna be
Marshall and Lilly...
55
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,588
and me.
56
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,290
They'll get married,
start a family.
57
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,092
Before long,
I'm that weird,
middle-aged bachelor
58
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,594
their kids call
Uncle Ted.
59
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,897
I see what this is about.
60
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,633
Have you forgotten
what I said to you
the night we met?
61
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,571
Ted, I'm gonna teach
you how to live.
62
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,208
Barney.
We met at the urinal.
63
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,842
Oh, right. Right.
64
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,477
Lesson one:
lose the goatee.
65
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,845
It doesn't go
with your suit.
66
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,214
I'm not wearing a suit.
67
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,915
Lesson two: get a suit.
68
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,318
Suits are cool.
Exhibit "A."
69
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,019
Lesson three:
don't even think
70
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,256
about getting married
till you're 30.
71
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,657
30. Right.
You're right.
72
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,560
I guess it's just,
your best friend
gets engaged,
73
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,694
you start thinking
about that stuff.
74
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,364
I thought I was
your best friend.
75
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,666
Ted, say
I'm your best friend.
76
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,001
You're my best
friend, Barney.
77
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,337
Good. Then,
as your best friend,
78
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,704
I suggest we play
a little game
79
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,406
I like to call
"Have you met Ted?"
80
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,141
Wait. No, no, no.
We're not playing
"Have you met Ted?"
81
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,476
Hi, have you met Ted?
82
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,944
Hi,
83
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,679
I'm Ted.
84
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,513
Yasmine.
85
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:00,881
That's a very pretty name.
86
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,716
Thanks. It's Lebanese.
87
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,120
Hey.
88
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,088
( sighs )
89
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,189
I'm exhausted.
90
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,525
It was finger-painting day
at school,
91
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,895
and a five year-old boy got
to second base with me.
92
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,131
Wow! You're cooking?
93
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,967
Yes, I am.
94
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,170
Aw...
95
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,472
Are you sure
that's a good idea?
96
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:28,008
After last time, you looked
really creepy without eyebrows.
97
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,042
I can handle this.
98
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,678
I think you'll
find I'm full of
surprises tonight.
99
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,546
So, there's more surprises?
Likewhat?
100
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,283
Marshall was in his second year
of law school,
101
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,885
so he was pretty good
at thinking on his feet.
102
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,953
Boogedyboo!
103
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,456
And that's all of 'em.
104
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,692
I'm gonna go... cook.
105
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,861
I'm so happy for Marshall,
I really am.
106
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,663
I just couldn't imagine
settling down right now.
107
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,399
So, do you think
you'll ever get married?
108
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:55,303
Well, maybe eventually...
some fall day,
109
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,437
possibly in Central Park.
110
00:03:57,305 --> 00:04:00,240
Simple ceremony.
We'll write our own vows.
111
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,109
Band, no DJ.
People will dance!
112
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,444
I'm not gonna worry
about it!
113
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:07,047
Damn it, why did Marshall
have to get engaged?
114
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,181
Yeah, nothing hotter
115
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,084
than a guy planning out
his own imaginary wedding, huh?
116
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,086
Actually,
I think it's cute.
117
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,788
Well, you're clearly drunk.
118
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:15,989
One more for the lady!
119
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,460
Oh, hey,
look what I got.
120
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,334
Oh, honey! Champagne.
121
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,136
Yeah.
122
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:34,041
No. You are too old to be scared
to open a bottle of champagne.
123
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,042
I'm not scared.
124
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:35,876
Then open it.
125
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,010
Fine.
126
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,547
Please open it?
127
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,516
You are unbelievable,
Marshall.
128
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,652
There are two big questions
a man has to ask in life.
129
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,820
One, you plan out for months.
130
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,256
The other just slips out when
you're half drunk at some bar.
131
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,524
Will you marry me?
132
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,360
You wanna go out
sometime?
133
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,395
Of course, you idiot!
134
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,766
I'm sorry,
Carl's my boyfriend.
135
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:03,504
'Sup, Carl?
136
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,574
( both sigh )
137
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,877
I promised Ted
we wouldn't do that.
138
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,080
Did you know
there's a Pop Tart
under your fridge?
139
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,115
No, but dibs.
140
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,185
Where's that champagne?
141
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,187
I wanna drink a toast
with my fiancée.
142
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,922
Oh!
143
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,594
I don't know why
I was so scared of this.
144
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,362
It's pretty easy, right?
145
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,930
Oh!
( Lilly shrieks )
146
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,366
Why am I freaking out
all of a sudden?
147
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,735
This is crazy.
I'm not ready
to settle down.
148
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,671
How does Carl land
a Lebanese girl?
149
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,839
The plan has always been
150
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,808
don't even think about it
until you're 30.
151
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,643
Exactly. The guy doesn't
even own a suit.
152
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,245
Plus, Marshall's found
the love of his life.
153
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,347
Even if I was ready,
which I'm not...
154
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,716
but if I was,
it's, like,
155
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:53,253
"Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?"
156
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,590
( romantic music plays )
157
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,692
And there she was.
158
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,100
It was like something
from an old movie,
159
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,268
where the sailor sees the girl
160
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,570
across the crowded dance floor,
161
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:13,507
turns to his buddy and says,
"See that girl?
162
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,208
I'm gonna marry her someday."
163
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,811
Hey, Barney,
see that girl?
164
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:21,214
Oh, yeah. You just know
she likes it dirty.
165
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,583
Go say hi.
166
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,785
I can't just go say hi.
167
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,819
I need a plan.
168
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,254
I'm gonna wait
until she goes
to the bathroom,
169
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,256
then I'll strategically place
myself by the jukebox...
170
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,391
Hi, have you met Ted?
171
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:34,828
Hi.
172
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,964
Let me guess...
173
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,165
Ted.
174
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,437
Sorry, Lilly.
I'm so sorry.
175
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,472
Take us to the hospital.
176
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,473
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
177
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,607
Did you hit her?
178
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,909
( both laugh )
179
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:49,943
Hit me? Please!
180
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,746
This guy can barely
even spank me in
bed for fun.
181
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,649
He's all like, "Oh, honey.
Did that hurt?"
182
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,384
And, I'm like,
"Come on!
183
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,219
Let me have it,
you pansy!"
184
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,254
Wow, a complete stranger.
185
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,256
No, no, no, no! It's okay.
Go on.
186
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,494
So, these,
uh, spankings...
187
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:10,097
you in pajamas
or au naturel?
188
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:10,898
So, what do you do?
189
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,833
I'm a reporter
for Metro News One.
190
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:13,701
Oh.
191
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,302
Well, kind of a reporter.
192
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,170
I do those dumb
little fluff pieces
193
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,338
at the end of the news.
194
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,509
You know, like, um...
monkey who can play
the ukulele.
195
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,244
I'm hoping to get
some bigger stories soon.
196
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,414
Bigger, like, uh...
gorilla with an upright bass?
197
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,116
Sorry.
You're really pretty.
198
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,150
( laughs )
199
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,288
Oh, your friends
don't seem to happy.
200
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,124
Yeah, see, the one
in the middle just
got dumped
201
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,492
by her boyfriend.
202
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,127
So, tonight, every guy
is "the enemy."
203
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,829
You know if it'll make
your friend feel better,
204
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,564
you could throw a drink
in my face. I don't mind.
205
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,465
She would love that!
206
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:48,702
And it does look
fun in the movies.
207
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,403
Hey, you wanna have dinner
with me Saturday night?
208
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:54,708
Oh, I can't.
I'm going to Orlando
for a week on Friday.
209
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,409
Some guy's attempting to make
the world's biggest pancake.
210
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,811
Guess who's covering it?
211
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,379
That's gonna take a week?
212
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,781
Yeah, he's gonna
eat it, too.
213
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,282
It's another record.
214
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,450
Hey! What's takin' so long?
215
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,485
Uh, I know this
is a long shot,
216
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,521
but how 'bout tomorrow night?
217
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,824
Yeah. What the hell?
218
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,532
Jerk!
219
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:19,733
That was fun.
220
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:23,103
De... wait for it...
221
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,404
nied!
222
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,039
Denied!
223
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,675
We're goin' out
tomorrow night.
224
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,910
I thought we were playin'
laser tag tomorrow night.
225
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,246
Yeah, I was never gonna
go play laser tag.
226
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:38,652
The next night,
I took her out
227
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,953
to this little bistro
in Brooklyn.
228
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:40,921
Wow!
229
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,490
That is one badass
blue French horn.
230
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,058
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
231
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,294
Sort of looks
like a Smurf penis.
232
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:51,064
Son, a piece of advice:
when you go on a first date,
233
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,801
you really don't wanna say
"Smurf penis."
234
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,337
Girls don't
ordinarily like that.
235
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,073
But this was no ordinary girl.
236
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,008
( laughing )
237
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,345
Lilly?
238
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,714
( table clatters )
239
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,116
How long have
you been sitting there?
240
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,652
Stupid eye patch.
241
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,888
Mom, Dad,
242
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,625
I have found
the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.
243
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,392
Marshall, how have I always
244
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,260
described my perfect woman?
245
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,695
Now, let's see...
246
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,230
she likes dogs?
247
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,665
I've got five dogs.
248
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,633
She drinks scotch?
249
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,967
I love a scotch that's old
250
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,769
enough to order its own scotch.
251
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,771
Can quote obscure lines
from Ghostbusters?
252
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:35,809
Ray! When someone asks you
if you're a god, you say "Yes!"
253
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,945
And I'm saving
the best for last.
254
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,513
Do you want these?
I hate olives.
255
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,716
She hates olives! Awesome!
256
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,484
The olive theory.
257
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,554
The olive theory
is based on my friends
Marshall and Lilly.
258
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,056
He hates olives,
she loves them.
259
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,491
In a weird way,
that's what makes
them such a great couple.
260
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,993
Perfect balance.
261
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,462
You know, I've had
a jar of olives
262
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,931
just sitting
in my fridge forever.
263
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,669
I could take 'em
off your hands.
264
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,371
They're all yours.
265
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,106
Oh, it is on!
266
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,775
It is on
267
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,342
( singing ):
till the break of dawn.
268
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,179
But wait.
269
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,047
It's only the break of 10:30.
What happened?
270
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,750
I gotta get one
of those blue
French horns
271
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:17,951
for over my fireplace.
272
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,220
It's gotta be blue.
It's gotta be French.
273
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,088
No green clarinet?
274
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,656
Nope.
Come on.
No purple tuba?
275
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,825
It's a Smurf penis
or no dice.
276
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,826
( laughs )
277
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,728
WOMAN:
There you are!
278
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:28,829
We got a jumper.
279
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,630
Some crazy guy
on the Manhattan Bridge.
280
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,899
Come on. You're coverin' it!
281
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:35,435
Um... all right.
I'll be right there.
282
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,772
I'm sorry.
283
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,440
I had a really
great time tonight.
284
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,275
Yeah.
285
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,443
So?!
286
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,745
Did you kiss her?
287
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,847
No. The moment wasn't right.
288
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,216
Look, this woman
could actually be
my future wife.
289
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,984
I want our first kiss
to be amazing.
290
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,021
Aw, Ted, that is so sweet.
291
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:57,357
So you chickened out
like a little bitch.
292
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,693
What? I did not chicken out.
293
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:00,861
You know what?
294
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,063
I don't need to take
first kiss advice
295
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,631
from some pirate
who hasn't been single
296
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,899
since the first week of college.
297
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,702
Anyone who's single
would tell you
the same thing,
298
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,004
even the dumbest
single person alive.
299
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,640
And if you don't believe me,
call him.
300
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,308
( rock music playing )
301
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,376
Hey, loser.
302
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,145
How's not playing laser tag?
303
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,646
Because playing
laser tag is awesome!
304
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,514
Oh, I killed you,
Conner!
305
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,216
Don't make me
get your mom!
306
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,852
Hey, listen.
I need your opinion
on something.
307
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,219
Okay, meet me
at the bar in
15 minutes.
308
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,788
And suit up!
309
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,891
So, these guys
think I chickened out.
310
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,259
What do you think?
311
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:37,097
I can't believe you're
still not wearing a suit.
312
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,799
She didn't even
give me the signal.
313
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,100
What, is she gonna, she gonna
314
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,102
bat her eyes at you
in Morse code?
315
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,471
"Ted...
316
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,505
kiss me."
317
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,940
No! You just kiss her!
318
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,442
Not if you don't
get the signal.
319
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,713
Did Marshall
give me the signal?
320
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,848
No!
321
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,050
I didn't. I swear.
322
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,586
But, see,
at least tonight,
323
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,221
I get to sleep knowing
Marshall and me,
324
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,055
never gonna happen.
325
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,090
You should have
kissed her.
326
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,925
Oh, I should have kissed her.
327
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,394
Well, maybe in a week when
she gets back from Orlando.
328
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,963
A week? That's like
a year in hot girl time.
329
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,331
She'll forget all about you.
330
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,401
Mark my words-- you will
never see that one again.
331
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,936
There she is.
332
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:17,971
Ooh! She's cute.
333
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,439
Hey, Carl,
turn it up.
334
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,507
...persuaded him to reconsider.
335
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,310
At which point, the man
came down off the ledge,
336
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,847
giving this bizarre story
a happy ending.
337
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,248
Reporting from Metro One News...
Huh.
338
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,516
Guy didn't jump.
339
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,751
I'm gonna go kiss her.
340
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,586
Right now.
341
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,822
Look, dude.
It's midnight.
342
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,223
As your future lawyer,
343
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,725
I'm gonna advise you
that's freakin' crazy.
344
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,193
I never do anything crazy.
345
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,895
I'm always
waiting for the moment,
346
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,030
planning the moment.
347
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,431
Well, she's leaving tomorrow.
348
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,699
This may be
the only moment I'm gonna get.
349
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,435
I gotta do what
that guy couldn't.
350
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,903
I gotta take the leap!
351
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,205
Okay, not a perfect metaphor,
352
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,574
'cause for me it's fall
in love and get married,
353
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,909
and for him it's... death.
354
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:59,079
Actually, that
is a perfect metaphor.
355
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,448
By the way, did I
congratulate you two?
356
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,716
I'm doing this.
357
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,152
Let's go.
358
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,119
Word up.
359
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,554
We're coming
with you.
360
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,622
Barney?
361
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,691
All right,
362
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,793
but under one condition.
363
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,196
Look at you, you
beautiful bastard.
364
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,197
You suited up!
365
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,266
This is totally
going in my blog!
366
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,934
Stop the car.
367
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,435
Uh, pull over
right here.
368
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:25,472
I gotta do something.
369
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,908
Excuse me. Pardon me.
370
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,642
Just a sec'.
Enjoy your coffee.
371
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:30,643
Hey!
372
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:31,644
Hey!
373
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,813
Go! Go! Go!
374
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,286
Everybody
brings flowers.
375
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,427
( exhales )
376
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,529
Okay.
Moment of truth.
377
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,032
Wish me luck.
378
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,701
Ted's gonna get it on
with a TV reporter.
379
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:57,437
"This just in." Okay.
380
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:01,741
Kiss her, Ted!
381
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:02,910
Kiss her good!
382
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,078
Kiss the crap
outta that girl!
383
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,213
Marshall, remember this night.
384
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,281
When you're the best man
at our wedding
385
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,951
and you give a speech,
you're gonna tell this story.
386
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,122
Why does he get
to be the best man?
387
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,090
I'm your
best friend!
388
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,992
As I walked up to that door,
389
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,593
a million thoughts
raced through my mind.
390
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,730
Unfortunately, one particular
thought did not.
391
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,265
I've got five dogs.
392
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,100
( doorbell buzzes, barking )
393
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,469
Not good. Not good.
Not good. Not good. Not good.
394
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,537
No!
395
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,538
Get back in there!
396
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,672
You're wearing
a suit!
397
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,176
( barking continues )
398
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,344
Ted?
399
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,412
Hi.
400
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,583
I was just, uh...
401
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,056
Come on up.
402
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,925
MARSHALL:
He's in.
403
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,594
So...
404
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,697
Ranjit, you must have done
it with a Lebanese girl?
405
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,067
Okay, that's
my Barney limit.
406
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,802
I'm gonna see if that bodega
has a bathroom.
407
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,738
Actually,
I'm from Bangladesh.
408
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,941
The women hot there?
409
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,343
Here's a picture
of my wife.
410
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,415
A simple "no" would
have sufficed.
411
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,418
She's lovely.
412
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,087
So, Ted,
413
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,421
what brings you back
to Brooklyn
414
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,856
at 1:00 in the morning
in a suit?
415
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:27,160
I was just hoping to...
416
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:31,098
get those olives...
that you said I could have.
417
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:34,234
Would you like those olives
with some gin and vermouth?
418
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,669
Are you trying to get me drunk?
419
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,242
For starters.
420
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,145
( romantic music plays )
421
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,118
So, Marshall,
this olive theory,
422
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,852
based on you and Lilly?
423
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:53,820
Yeah.
424
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,122
You hate olives.
425
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,990
Lilly loves 'em.
You can't stand 'em.
426
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,491
Yeah. Hate olives.
427
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,493
Two weeks ago, Spanish bar
on 79th street,
428
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,396
dish of olives, you had some--
what up?
429
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,469
You have to swear that this
does not leave this cab.
430
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,870
I swear.
431
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,239
I swear.
432
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,308
On our first date,
433
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,609
I ordered a Greek salad.
434
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,046
Lilly asked if she
could have my olives.
435
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,714
I said, "Sure. I hate olives."
436
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,250
But, you like olives.
437
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,885
Well, I was 18, okay?
I was a virgin.
438
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:29,422
Been waitin' my whole life for
a pretty girl to want my olives.
439
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,925
Marshall, I'm gonna give you
an early wedding present.
440
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:35,528
Don't get married.
441
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:43,136
* Baby, since I met you, oh...
442
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,538
I think I like
your olive theory.
443
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,808
I think I like
your new French horn.
444
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,345
I think I like your nose.
445
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,747
I think I'm
in love with you.
446
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:55,782
What?!
What?!
What?!
447
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:56,749
What?
What?
448
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,085
What?
449
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,219
Come on, man,
you said
450
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,220
your stomach's been
hurting, right?
451
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,388
You know what that is.
452
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,422
Hunger.
453
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,823
You're hungry for experience.
454
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,525
Hungry for something new.
455
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,495
Hungry for olives.
456
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,897
But you're too scared
to do anything about it.
457
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,100
Yeah, I'm scared,
okay?
458
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,235
But, when I think
of spending
459
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,969
the rest of my life
with Lilly--
460
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,773
committing, forever,
no other women--
461
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,943
doesn't scare me at all.
462
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,578
I'm marrying that girl.
463
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,649
Lilly.
464
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,751
Lilly, I like olives.
465
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,121
We'll make it work.
466
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,492
Aw...
467
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,300
So, Orlando.
468
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,236
You gonna
hit Disneyworld?
469
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,071
You love me?!
470
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,674
I-I-I can't believe
I said that.
471
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,775
Why did I say that?
472
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,110
Who says that?
473
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,845
I should just go.
474
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,113
Hold on.
475
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,414
Wait a minute.
476
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,218
Promised you these.
477
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,053
Olives.
Yeah.
478
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,888
Thanks. I love you.
479
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,790
What is wrong
with me?
480
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,960
Why are we still
sitting here?
481
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,395
Let's go. We can still
make last call.
482
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,463
What do you say, Lil?
483
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,532
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum?
484
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,336
'Cause you're a pirate.
485
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,405
Okay, eye patch, gone.
486
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,375
And we can't just
abandon Ted.
487
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,110
If it doesn't go well up there,
he's gonna need some support.
488
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,945
It's been,
like, 20 minutes.
489
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,514
You think they're doin' it?
490
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,483
You think they're doin' it
in front of the dogs?
491
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,484
Doggy style.
( laughing )
492
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,951
Hey, there was
a girl in college,
493
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,187
she had this golden
retriever...
494
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,054
Okay, we can go to the bar.
Just stop talking.
495
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,823
Hit it, Ranjit.
496
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,130
So, when you tell
this story to your friends,
497
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,799
could you avoid
the word "psycho?"
498
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,868
I'd prefer... "eccentric."
499
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,338
Good night... psycho.
500
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,043
Great.
501
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,912
Um, how do I get to the F train?
502
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,415
Oh, um, two blocks
503
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,250
that way and take a right.
504
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,087
You know what?
505
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,657
I'm done being single.
506
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,692
I'm not good at it.
507
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:20,927
Look, obviously,
508
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,630
you can't tell a woman
you just met you love her.
509
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,699
But...
it sucks that you can't.
510
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,369
I'll tell you something, though.
511
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,439
If a woman-- not you, just some
hypothetical woman--
512
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,107
were to bear with me
through all this,
513
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,677
I think I'd make
a damn good husband.
514
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:40,347
Because, that's
the stuff I'd be good at,
515
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,350
stuff like making her laugh
and being a good father.
516
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,519
And walking her five
hypothetical dogs.
517
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,656
Being a good kisser.
518
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,759
Everyone thinks
they're a good kisser.
519
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,394
Oh, I've got references.
520
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,796
Good night, Ted.
521
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,572
And I'm a good handshaker.
522
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,907
That's a pretty
great handshake.
523
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,313
And that was it.
524
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,215
I'll probably
never see her again.
525
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,318
What?
526
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,952
That was the signal.
527
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,054
That long,
lingering handshake?
528
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,490
You should have kissed her.
529
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,259
There's no such thing
as "the signal."
530
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,528
But, yeah,
that was the signal.
531
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,830
Signal.
532
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,832
Ah, Carl,
thank you.
533
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,667
Something
I gotta do.
534
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,036
By the way,
535
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,471
you should have kissed her.
536
00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:41,007
Carl!
You guys weren't there.
537
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,642
( cork pops )
538
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,044
I am so turned
on right now.
539
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,280
TED:
Guys, trust me.
540
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,348
I've seen the signal.
541
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,650
That was not the signal.
542
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,952
Yeah, Ted, we're
not on you anymore.
543
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,087
To my fiancée.
544
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,956
To the future.
545
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,725
To one hell
of a night!
546
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,731
That was not the signal.
547
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,434
I asked her
about it years later.
548
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,001
And, yeah, that was the signal.
549
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:10,403
I could have kissed her.
550
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,171
But that's the funny
thing about destiny.
551
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,574
It happens
whether you plan it or not.
552
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,709
I mean, I never thought
I'd see that girl again,
553
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,512
but it turns out I was just
too close to the puzzle
554
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,448
to see the picture
that was forming.
555
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,049
Because, that, kids,
556
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,285
is the true story of how
I met your Aunt Robin.
557
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,655
Aunt Robin?
558
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,123
I thought this was
how you met Mom!
559
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,224
Will you relax?
560
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:33,993
I'm getting to it.
561
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,530
Like I said, it's a long story.
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