All language subtitles for Watch The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City – S4E14

Previously on The Real Housewives of
Salt Lake City.

It is cool being here where like

my grandma was born and my great grandpa
and great grandmother like built the

houses and businesses here.

I got so many more messages about her.

It had all the documents of her and
Sean's finances and bankruptcy.

It was shady.

I'm on a mission to serve Lisa, and I
love that for myself.

I own a beauty empire, so I don't need
any of your lip service.

I keep my friends close, but my secrets
closer.

In a town full of dirty lies, everyone
can use a bath.

I may be Greek, but don't expect an
olive branch from me.

Having faith in myself is the only
religion I need.

Oh my gosh.

Monica?

Yeah? Where's the birthday girl?

Thank you.

Should I open it now? Yeah. Okay.

Look at your view.

Girl. Wait, what is this?

This is funny and cute all at the same
time. Healthy AF.

Okay. Should I wear that to breakfast?

I'm just kidding.

I just thought it would be cute to throw
over some soup.

No, I actually love this.

Okay. Thank you so much.

What is this balloon shape?

Good morning. I wish this was a party
for me. Oh, we are. We're both animals

now. In the jungle.

Look at us in our jammies. Good morning.

Isn't this a glorious day out here? Look
at this. I know. I just got emotional.

Like, we're in freaking Bermuda. You
know how to plan a girl's birthday

We're going to make her, like, clean for
the day.

Okay. We probably should do that.

Try it on. See how it looks. You know
you want to. Oh, should I? Should I?

Does it look like it fits?

Did you have fun last night?

No.

Is that going to be every morning? Did
you have fun last night? No.

Yeah, no.

Hello. Good morning. Oh, good morning.

Oh, my gosh. Hi.

What's going on? It looks cute out here.
Do you want to help with decorating?

I know you usually have other people do
things, but we're doing it ourselves.

I know.

We're just talking about last night.

So what do you think, Meredith, with
Lisa and Whitney?

I think there were a lot of moving
parts, and I think Whitney was coming in

upset, rightfully so. Like, she's, you
know, in a hurt place. She went for the

jugular. She told me to shut the fuck
up.

Yeah, no, that was totally
disrespectful. I didn't like that. I

anyone should speak that way, period.

Don't. With me. Okay. Tell her to.

I don't believe in speaking that way.

That's my own personal view, and I'm not
necessarily... It's shocking to me that

we're sitting here debating over and
over all the ups and downs of, like,

Whitney being petty.

Hi. Hi, Whitney.

Good morning.

Did you hear your name?

Yeah, I did, actually.

Well, we're talking about last night.
Like, why'd you come at me last night? I

am sorry that I said that to you.

I don't want to talk to you that way.

I'm sorry for speaking to you that way.

Don't ever do it again.

Okay.

Okay. Oh, my gosh. See how easy that
was? No, she's face -hugging me.

I will hug you.

Okay. I'm sorry I said that to you. I
know. I am genuinely sorry that I lost

control of my emotions, and I just hope
that Heather is over it because I don't

want to feel like I wasted an apology.

Hey, who did this? Me.

That looks like a freaking ball sack.
You don't put two happy birthdays next

each other. Okay, that's what you
wanted. I've been throwing breakfast

parties for my kids three times a year,
every year since they were born. I do

balloons in the room, birthday
breakfast, the You Are Special Today

I've got the routine down, but these
women do not seem to know a balloon from

ball sack.

I think she's a little more well -versed
in the ball sack department.

No, I wasn't trying to do a ball sack. I
was trying to make it work. Do you want

to do this one over here? Is the sack
there? A couple of them.

Have her walk under it. Happy birthday.

Hi, Elsa. Wait, she's not here.

No, she's not here. Thank you for
wishing us a happy birthday.

Yes. You guys, we did such a good job.

You just showed up in the nick of time.

I love the decoration.

Did you bring a freaking helium tank?
No, it's a manual pump, but you'll know

how to use it. It'll come naturally to
you. Oh, yeah.

Now I get my jazz ticket.

Oh, yeah.

Happy birthday, Monica.

You are now entering officially middle
age.

We're going to start with a traditional
Bermudian breakfast. We can all go in

there, grab plates of food, and bring it
out, and then we'll celebrate.

This is so cool, you guys. I love it.

Okay,

tell us about the breakfast.

This is... This looks so good.

This looks amazing.

I love Bermuda.

Am I sitting right here in the middle?
You, my darling, are queen for a day

right there. Thank you.

Oh, my gosh. This is so good.

Happy birthday, Monica. You today are
going to be crowned queen for a day.

These are the rules.

You have a special crown. You have a
scepter. And you have a queen's robe.

Wow.

I've never been given the title queen
for a day. I literally.

have never thought about what i would do
with such power honestly i'm just happy

to be here right now and not having to
like pick up poop off the floor you know

i just have to say i don't want to make
us happy but we all know i'm emotional

but honestly this is insane and i really
have never

had a birthday like this in my life

It means so much. You guys really have
no idea.

Aw. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

To many more.

Oh, yes.

To being middle -aged.

To being middle -aged.

Welcome to the club, bitch. No,
seriously. There have been a plethora of

days lately.

My relationship with my mother is in a
very fragile, rocky state right now.

It's hard to not feel so overwhelmed and
honestly just sad.

And moments like this are what I cling
to to help me get to the next day, to

help me get to the next positive thing.

And I'm so grateful that they were able
to come together and support me in this

moment and do something special for me.

It's the nicest thing I've had done for
me in a very long time.

Also, just so you guys know, I want to
go jet skiing on the ocean.

So we're going to do that. But you're
going to have a little bit of downtime

like go to the beach because I'm going
to go meet up with my family today.

I haven't seen them in 30 years. Oh,
wow.

It's been a long time.

Yeah, I know. I'm nervous. I'm excited
to see them. It's been so long.

The same house that you like that you're
here. Yes.

They're literally in the same house.
That's going to be a trip for you. They

live in the same house together.

And I think like four or five of them
will be there today. What are you going

talk to your family about?

I'm going to tell them a lot about their
cousin, Linda. Just kidding.

After therapy, after she didn't show up
actually to therapy.

Your mom was supposed to be here today
with you. So what's happening there?

The last couple of days, she kind of
just locked her on me.

And I am feeling like alone and like,
what the is wrong with me? So like, you

can't even show up. I didn't even want
to be here. This was your idea.

She has been contacting like my family
here.

And she was like, I want to show up. I
just want to surprise her. I just want

be there for her.

But I just feel like it's not about
being there for me.

That's just how she's wording it. It's
about, I want to come to Bermuda. I want

to see my family. I want, you know what
I mean? Because when it's time to do the

work in our relationship, like therapy,
she doesn't show up for that. But when

it's a trip to Bermuda, you want to like
show up.

Wow. It's a mess. The whole thing really
is a disaster and it's stressful and

sad. But on that note, we're going to go
to jet skis.

And then beach, and then we come back
here, and we're going to get in our

Bermudian pirate wench costume.

Pirates of the Bermudian birthday theme.

Dinner in the costume.

Get some booty. Okay, you know I don't
like to get dressed up, so my

contribution is hoopiering.

Full naked and giant pirate hoopiering.

Hey, nipple covers, I'm assuming.

Whitney's having so much effect on you.
I'm really proud of you.

Okay, you guys.

We're going to leave soon, so everyone
get ready to break.

Hello.

Oh, my gosh. You look so good. Jessie.

Yay, my little Jessie. Are you ready?

Come sit down.

Sit here.

Oh, my gosh. You and that scepter. This
echoes up here, too, so you sound super

regal. Yeah.

Thank you for coming up. I wanted to
just ask something of thee.

Okay. Okay, so I'm very, like, nervous
and a little anxious.

A little overwhelmed as well to see,
like, my family for the first time in 30

years. Yeah, it's a long time. Yeah. And
I don't want to go by myself.

And I would love for you to come with
me. Oh, I'd be happy to. I really would

love it. I want to meet your family.
Yay! I'm so glad you're going to come.

Thanks for thinking of me. Yeah, I just
feel like we are really on this great

trajectory. And I would love to keep
that going. And I want you to be able to

understand me more and get to know me
better. And seeing, like...

who you come from and where your roots
are. I think it's really, really cool.

Yay, thank you for coming. No, I'm
excited. Things with Monica have been

but the fact that she wants me to see
another side of her and to meet her

and to get a glimpse into who she is,
I'm willing to go with her.

Like, I'm always willing to give
somebody a chance.

I wanted to talk to you about something.

What?

Meredith called me, and she talked to me
about...

how she believes that Angie is in the
Greek mafia.

Hold up.

Hold up.

Oh, my God. Are you crazy? That is
the... No, I'm not crazy. That is, like,

nuts. Like, the actual mafia?

Hold up.

Hold up.

We started talking about Angie and her
financial situation.

All of a sudden, about a week ago, I
started getting DMs on Instagram

about Angie and literal legal docs

of her claiming bankruptcy, Sean
claiming bankruptcy.

They owe $170 ,000 to the IRS.

These rumors are ridiculous, dumb,
unfounded and lies.

But the problem is it's Meredith's
intention to damage Angie's friendships,

relationships, reputations. Like there's
so much ripple effect. This is like

horrible. Like it's ironic that she's
having this conversation with you and

all of a sudden you're getting documents
to back it up.

This is what happened before with me.
She did that last year. It was the same

thing with my SEC filing.

I was, like, sent a random DM with this
SEC filing.

Did you talk about me and my businesses?
I really haven't talked about her other

than in passing.

I honestly feel like Meredith is setting
you up. Like, setting me up? Yeah, to

do her dirty work.

She hates Angie.

So instead of carrying out the threat,
you keep your hands clean and send it

anonymously to somebody else and let
them do it.

If I'm being used as a pawn to get
information out, that's really messed

I'm going to be really sad and
disappointed that I'm once again being

scapegoat for some bullshit rumors.

She's like losing it. Like, this is like
crazy.

We're bitches, man. We're badass jet
-skiing bitches.

Yes, we are.

Little people, where are you? Come out
here.

I don't know. I think we're about to
find out.

Let's put us number uno, Saki.

Bitches! Yeah!

Bitch number one. Bitch number two.
Bitch number three.

Yeah!

Let's all make a wrap and see who does
the best one. I mean, how about we play

the quiet game?

Remember the Mormon rap? I do not know
the Mormon rap. My parents didn't allow

that type of secular music in our home.

What color of house would you choose if
you lived here?

Pink.

Look at that bone, the yellow. That's
actually beautiful.

That's Ashley's favorite color. That's
actually pretty. Yellow is my favorite

color, too.

Ashley is in a phase right now where
she's, like, living her best life. I

this for her. She's blonde on the beach
with a Mercedes and a sorority. A mom

that just puts money in her account. Has
she had sex?

Heather, don't ask.

That's Ashley.

I'm not talking about my daughter's sex
life.

I don't shy away from conversations, but
there are certain things that I find

disrespectful and that there are certain
things I consider sacred. And my

daughter's sex life is one of them. I
would never disrespect her like that.

I don't think it's, like, that big of a
deal.

They have to know what network they're
going to tell you to ask her, like, how

the sex is.

I mean, yeah.

Kris Jenner does it all the time. It
works.

I've known Heather since she was 15.

Heather was a very strong LDS young
girl, and here we are on the topic of

making her very uncomfortable.

It's hard to deprogram ourselves after
we're taught a certain things our whole

life. My goodness gracious.

Girl, are you a bad Mormon or not?

I feel like a bad Mormon would talk
about sex.

Hello. Hey.

How are you guys?

Very good. Welcome.

This must be the birthday girl.

Well, I gave it away.

Okay, ladies. Welcome to BDA Watch
Sports. We're going to take you on a

jet ski adventure.

First of all, we need to get you into a
life jacket.

Here you go. Thank you. Try this one.

We're all going to start the jet ski. On
the count of three.

You ready?

Three. No, I'm good.

Three. That's fine.

Jet skis make me so nervous. You have
zero control.

My passenger had an IV less than 24
hours ago.

The last thing I need to do is capsize
and send her into the ocean. We won't

her for the rest of the trip.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

Hold on.

This is the most wet and wild time I've
ever had with

another woman.

You see the thing?

You take a whole piece of bread like
this, hold it tight, and it comes.

Oh.

Snapper, come here, Snapper.

the best birthday present of all. I have
some little companions here that like

to eat just as much as I do.

I've seen these fish eat more in these
five minutes than I've seen these women

eat as long as I've known them.

Come on, guys.

Good job.

Thank you, Harry.

I loved it.

Monica, you're nice and safe.

Thank you, Lisa.

Does anyone want a honey stick?

Would you like a honey stick, Monica?

Definitely not if it turns my teeth blue
like an alien.

I'll try one.

She's not that fun anymore, is she? No,
I'm losing my edge. Go back to Kit Kat.

I don't know what happened to me. I did
have a Kit Kat this morning.

It's so good.

Yeah, it's so good for allergies.

Wait,

what just happened?

Monica!

Monica! Monica!

Monica, where are you?

Monica, what happened?

What happened?

What happened? What happened? What
happened? Oh my God, what happened?

What just happened?

What happened? What happened? What
happened? Oh, my God. What happened?

What happened? What happened? What
happened? What happened?

My mom just made her a family not leave
me.

Why?

What happened?

Come here. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.

I was talking to Lisa and she literally
just shot up and off the car.

And I saw Monica go out and I thought I
heard her crying.

She's crying, right?

Literally

just

a couple hours ago, I was getting ready
to see my family. And all of a sudden,

out of nowhere, I get a text that they
don't want to see me.

And I can't help. but think that my mom
was somehow involved because

I know that she wanted to be here. I
know that she's upset that she's not.

Monica, Monica, everything's fine, okay?
You're fine.

I was so excited to see my family, and I
was so excited to go through pictures

I'd never seen before and hear stories
about my grandma.

I feel like if my mom can hurt me, she
will.

We're going to go, okay?

Okay.

And I feel so alone.

It's like one thing to feel like, okay,
I have a rocky relationship with my mom.

Then it's another thing to feel like you
have no family at all.

Do it five times.

Okay, you got it. You got it.

Nobody else.

Okay. I can't believe Monica's mom would
meddle in something this important to

Monica on her birthday.

And I feel like it has to be the worst
feeling ever. I feel bad for her.

Like, I don't know much about the
dynamic between Monica and her mom, but

clearly it's way different than I
thought it was.

It's going to be fine. You didn't do
anything wrong at all.

Yeah. Monica, are you okay? What's going
on?

No, I'm not.

What's wrong? What's wrong, Monica?

Wait, I think my shoe is out there.

Your shoe? You lost a shoe?

Okay, wait.

Wait, we'll find your shoe. What is
going on here?

Can I say it, Monica?

Her mom called her family and said,

Don't meet with Monica. So they canceled
on her. Are you serious?

Yeah.

They canceled?

Yeah. So.

I'm sorry.

I know. I'm like, it's okay.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know, really. Like, seriously, I
don't know. You do.

Monica, Monica. You have those four
beautiful girls. You have your four

beautiful girls. And you know what? We
are excited to see you. Just let her

a minute.

You're going to be okay. I promise.

Monica, I'm sorry she did that to you. I
am so sorry.

I'm sorry she let you down again. No,
this is like so big.

I feel like I already don't know like so
much about myself.

We need to make your birthday better. So
let's get back on

it. Let's get back in a happy place.

Monica. We're going to have fun.

Monica, I can't be sorry enough that
this happened to you. I am so sorry that

this happened to you. Thank you. So
sorry. I really do appreciate that.

We've been talking about her visiting
her family from the first night we

this trip. I mean, this is why we're in
Bermuda.

I feel terrible for her that all of a
sudden they're unwilling to meet with

Listen, Linda, you're not going to ruin
our day.

Linda. We're having a birthday party.
Okay, are we ready?

The residents have got some chairs set
up and lunch for you. Oh, wonderful.

That sounds great.

Thank you.

You guys, this is gorgeous.

Look at the cove. You did everything,
you guys.

Look at what Heather did. Oh, girl.

This is so nice. Like, amazing.

Wow. Are those the sandwiches you've
been talking about, Heather?

It's a Bermuda fish sandwich, and
they're delicious. Yes.

Oh, my God. Oh, and there's more treats.
Tons of food. Heather, you thought of

everything. Wow.

Oh, my gosh. I kind of am obsessed that
we have these fish sandwich.

To Bermuda. To Bermuda. Woo!

And Monica's birthday.

Happy birthday.

Girl, that fuckers me every time.

I'll have a little, Heather.

But stay loving.

Say no more.

How are the Cheetos, birthday girl?
They're perfect.

Your crown is... like hanging on by a
little thread. Well, that's about right

for my wife.

It's just dangling from one hair.

You know what? We should play a game.
And you know, I know I don't really like

games, so this is like, would be funny
for me. We should play Marry, Kill with

husbands and ex -husbands.

Okay. How do you play this game? You
know how to play Marry, Kill. I've never

played it. Okay, I'll start.

All three?

Yes. Marry, Kill, my husband.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

She's like all at the same time.

I'm going to marry Justin.

Oh, my God. Are we talking about other
people's husbands? Yes.

I'm going to Seth.

Oh, my God. I am not playing this game.

And I'm going to kill Sean.

I would kill Sean and Seth.

Wow. Wow.

Okay. Do we ask why or do we just go
along with it? No, we're just having

We're just having fun. Yeah, but we
always do.

So bad.

I know.

I'd marry John.

Good choice.

I'd marry Sean.

And I'd kill Seth.

I would probably marry either Justin or
Sean.

Because I think they're both funny and
cool and stable.

I have to fuck John Barlow.

No, you gotta pick. We all picked one.

I can't fuck anybody else. Stop. Play
the game.

I can't even think of anybody else.
Because I love fucking John.

What about a celebrity?

Idris Elba.

God damn, Lisa, let John's body get cold
before you jump on top of Idris Elba's.

She was waiting to say that answer her
entire life.

What? What? Number two, Idris Elba.

Okay, Angie Kay, let's go.

I'm going to say Justin. I just love his
little dimple and he's sweet and funny.

So I'd marry Justin and kill your ex
-husband. Thank you.

And then I'm going to have sex with my
own husband. I'm with these girls over

here. Yeah.

Sorry. I'm picking Seth for everything.

First I fuck him, then I marry him, then
I kill him and take all the money. Oh,

I love it. Now that's the way to play.
You win.

She plays dirty.

You do play dirty. I need to get in the
sun.

Let's go for a walk, Ange. Okay. I've
got to stand up and move for just a

minute. I need to move. My circulation
is like shit right now. You're going to

get a workout with me.

Can we hand that down, pass it down?

Here you go, Whit. You guys want some?

The stand is, like, amazing, beautiful.

So I have to tell you something.

It's been literally, like, so hard for
me to keep my mouth shut, but I just

wanted to tell you alone.

So Monica texted me after breakfast. She
asked me to come out to her room, and

she's like, can I get your opinion on
something?

I'm like, yeah, what's up?

I guess she talked to Meredith, and
Meredith said to Monica, like, She

thinks you're in the Greek mafia.

You said two of the husbands when you
only had to say one.

About a week ago, Meredith said to
Monica, like, she basically thinks

the Greek mafia.

Meredith thinks I'm in the Greek mafia?
You.

And I was like, you've got to be kidding
me.

This is ridiculous.

Well, I'd own the mafia.

That's cool, right?

Meredith really believes that I am in
the Greek mafia. Yes. Well, wait,

more to it.

So apparently, right before the trip,
Monica gets DM'd all these documents.

About a Sean Castaneda, there's like
bankruptcy and then like tax

It's saying that you're part of a mafia.

And I said, that's Meredith DMing you.

This is what she did last year with my
SEC filing. It's wrong.

I mean, I don't have proof.

But I'm like, I felt like she spread the
SEC documents about me last year. This

is what she does. She is constantly
threatening or trying to threaten my

my reputation, going and digging on me.
She wants to keep coming for me. She is

making a lifetime commitment.

Meredith is dismissing everything that
I've worked for and I've had it.

I'm sick of her coming at my business.
I'm sick of her coming at my family.

like enough is enough.

She wants to see a gangster. I'm going
to show her gangster.

Why does she bother to be nice to me
when this is what she's doing behind my

back? Like, she's a phony baloney fraud.

Not my little gangster.

Monica, are you feeling better?

Uh, yeah.

Right now, I feel fine.

I've got to figure out what I'm going to
wear.

Did you bring anything pirate at all?

I went and bought hoop earrings.

Can you hear me?

Oh, my gosh. Hello? Are you there? Are
you there?

Hi, I'm here.

Babe, it didn't even ring.

I'm in a foreign country.

I need some updates.

It's been pretty good. There's been some
drama.

With you or just with other?

I got into it with Monica.

What was the drama? She, like, wanted me
to talk about your sex life, and I said

no. I would refuse.

Oh, jeez.

It's a non -starter.

Don't come for me, and don't talk to me
about my daughter's sex life or my own.

Ashley is an adult woman. I respect her.
I love her. I raise her well. And her

sex life is not privy for my friends or
for me. Well, I'm sure you're managing

it the best you can. I feel like I got
my point across.

I love you. I hope you're having a great
time. I hope you're having great sex.

And I don't need to hear about it to
know that.

Fun fact that might shock people is I
actually read books.

I never thought I would.

Oh, wow.

Have you started it? Not yet. I love
true crime books, books about

books about business. But my favorite
are always the thrillers. And it seems

like. Heather's life is a combination of
all of that.

I hate to bring this up on your
birthday, but I just want you to know

told me what you shared with her this
morning that Meredith said about me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have already gotten in trouble for
repeating rumors that I've heard.

I wish you would have just pulled me
aside without going around to other

in the room. I've heard things about
you, but I would never repeat it. Come

it. Come with it. So that better not be
what's happening again.

Did she tell you about the DM?

Yeah, she showed everything.

Are you upset that I told Lisa?

No, not at all.

I just needed to hear it from the
horse's mouth.

Okay, well, just so you know, I did not
tell Lisa this part, but something that

dawned on me after I spoke with Lisa,
after my wheels started turning and I've

had time to be like, wait, what the F's
happening?

I would have never even known.

About the DM and having all of that in
my inbox, except for Meredith

called me and said, hey, have you gotten
any DM?

I was like, no, I don't get messages
about any of you guys. And she's like,

well, I got one. So you must have got
one. And I was like, what are you

about? Why would I get anything?

And she was like, well, go check.

And there it was.

I love that little breadcrumb that she
left for you.

She should really bring this to my face
instead of trying to get you to do her

dirty work because that's what she's
doing, Monica.

And then she's going to sit back and sip
her little cocktail and watch it all go

down. And in the end, you look like the
big mouth and you look like the

troublemaker. Well, I mean, I do have a
big mouth.

That's okay, but use it for something
good, right? I mean, here's the thing.

knows that I will say it.

And that I'll come out with it and that
I'll be like, this is what's being said.

This is a rumor. This is this. This is
that.

But yeah, I wanted you to know that. I'm
grateful that you did not just keep

this in because it gives me the
opportunity to address this. Yeah.

So happy birthday. We're going to have a
great night. Yes. It's been enough for

you. I definitely feel like Angie and
Meredith need to just duke it out. And

it needs to happen at my birthday party,
I don't care. I'm good with it. I can

get my cake to go because I also know
that's the only way I'm going to be able

to eat it.

We're going to jump on your board and
start some shit, girl.

Coming up. You think you're as single as
me?

I do think I'm as single. If I want to
go with someone right now, I could go

with someone right now.

That's as single as it gets.

Brie came out of the womb just this like
old soul.

She is so chill and calm and she
understands our family dynamic and she

sees all sides. So the only person that
I have wanted to talk to since

everything went down with meeting my
family is Brie. What are you doing?

Picking up Wesley.

Is she with you yet?

No, not yet. Waiting for her to get out
of school.

Okay. How are you doing?

Good.

Okay. What happened?

Okay, you know how I was supposed to,
like, go see the family?

Yeah. I think that Volvo, like, got
involved and they decided that

they didn't want to let me come over and
see me anymore.

And then they just completely ghosted me
and stopped taking my calls and

responding to my texts.

What could she have told them that would
make them cut you off completely?

I don't know.

I had a complete meltdown.

Like, I ran off the bus and, like, ran
into the bathroom. I was, like, bawling

my eyes out. I couldn't even catch my
breath. I was, like, so embarrassed.

Mom, just know that there's nothing that
you did.

And anything that they heard came from
Vovo.

And it shouldn't reflect who you are.
And I'm sorry, because that's terrible.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

This is why I always tell you and your
sisters that at like the end of the day,

all you guys have is each other. I don't
think that they know yet how lucky they

are to have that little tribe of
sisters.

And I hope that they never take that for
granted because growing up as an only

child, all I wanted was a sibling.

And if I did nothing else right in my
life.

I know that giving my girls each other
was the best thing I've ever done.

And never, ever leave me because I find
you.

Are you going to the same party I'm
going to? Girl, I'm wearing hoops and I

dug for gold belt.

I mean, you look like a wench, but not
necessarily of the seven seas.

Let me see yours.

The piratey blouse is great. The Kerez
skirt is good. It's piratey. It's

cotton.

Oh, my wenches.

You went for this. I mean, I knew.

Monica, we have matching belts.

Oh, hi, mateys.

Happy birthday.

One of Monica's birthday wishes was to
have a dinner where everyone dressed up

like pirates.

Okay, let's go. Whitney, meet us in the
car.

Pirates seems actually pretty
appropriate for us. We're one step above

plunderers as it is.

They'll be drunkenness. They'll be
debauchery. They'll be everything that a

pirate dinner should have.

Did you borrow Whitney's eyeliner and
she needed it back? Is that why she's

delayed? Because it looks like you used
her eyeliner.

That is not why she's delayed.

Oh, there she is. Oh, hey. Oh, hey.
Hello, Vixen.

My costume came with something really
funny.

My outfit came with a G -string and I
thought it was an eye patch.

That's hilarious. A pirate G -string?
Oh, my gosh.

Perfect. Thank you. Thank you, Jonathan.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Wow, this is quite the entrance to the
sea.

Gosh. Careful, guys. Careful.

It's not the same system.

It's a good thing I'm in platform.

I might die on these steps breaking my
ankle.

I should have put more research into
what pirate shoes looked like because

clearly stilettos were not invented yet.
Are we going to a cave?

What are those sounds? The jungle.

It's the mermaid.

Hello. Good evening, ladies. Welcome to
Grotto Bay Cave.

My name is Cosmin, and I'm going to be
your waiter tonight.

So please follow me. Thank you.

Oh, my gosh. That's so cool.

Oh, we're really in a cave. Oh, my gosh.
Are there bats in here?

No bats. Okay. Okay.

Oh! I'm, like, a little nervous here.

Incredible. Wow.

Look at this. We need a photo in here.

I wore the absolute worst shoes for
this.

It is impossible to walk the plank in
stilettos.

It was hard to be a wench in 1986. Look
at this. We are over the water.

I'm so focused on not falling through
the grate.

I think it's a fun night ahead.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, we're good. We have a great menu.
This looks delicious.

For the birthday girl, would you like a
drink?

Can I do a Moscow Mule?

Hell, yes.

What's the stormy drink called? Dark and
stormy.

Dark and stormy. I would love a dark and
stormy. I'll do a dark and stormy. You

don't have hot tea, do you? Thank you so
much.

Okay, you guys. I really do just want to
say thank you guys for leaning in and

coming dressed as your...

Best wench self.

Best pirate self. I thought pirates
would be cool because we're in Bermuda.

Bermuda Triangle is the devil's eye.

Pirates, shipwreck, fairy booty, all of
that.

So, thank you for coming in full four. I
love it.

I have an idea.

Since I felt sex shamed earlier on the
bus, I would just like to ask, when was

the last time everybody had sex?

I don't know if it's like the culture,
if it's Utah or what, but talking about

sex is like, how dare you? You know,
it's, don't.

I had sex right before I left the
airport.

Oh, good for you. And then I almost did
last night, but my vibrator is dead.

Oh, that's tragic. I'm just kidding.

I'm like, that's tragic.

I had goodbye sets before my trip.

Aw. There you go.

It feels like middle school getting
pressured into saying, like, when's the

time you kissed a boy? And I'm like, oh,
my God, don't ask me.

Lisa. The night before.

Woo!

Wait, Meredith, you didn't answer?

Seth left town, like, a day and a half
before me, so today was great.

Heather?

I'm not answering.

You hate when people don't play games,
and now you're not going to play. I

answered. Wait, I didn't hear you.

I said I'm not going to answer. All of
you guys are married, so it's an unfair

question and it's an unfair game. No,
it's not.

Like, you all have spouses, so it's like
a game about the sex balance. I'm well

aware, but I'm not going to share.

I'm not going to talk about it. I don't
want to discuss sex with Monica because

I have seen the way she discusses sex.

I've seen my brother -in -law for 18
months.

And it makes me very uncomfortable.

Like, let's just all be respectful of,
like, the fact that I am single and I'm

not in a marriage.

And, like, it's not about sex shaming,
but it's, like, really that you would,

like, act like I'm ashamed to talk about
it when I'm just, like, trying to live

my life and not be exposed. I'm the only
single person here. So, like, I think

it's fair for me to say... You are
married. I am literally going through a

divorce, and I would be divorced if the
f***er would sign the papers. Just

because he won't sign the papers doesn't
mean that I'm married.

You think you're as single as me?

I do think I'm as single. If I want to
go and f*** someone right now, I could

f*** someone right now. That's as single
as it gets.

So yes, I do think I'm as single as you.
Just because Mike won't sign the papers

has nothing to do with how single
someone is. It doesn't.

You can sit here and judge my
relationship and deflect all you want

fact that you don't want to play the
game.

I played the game with my answer.

Listen, I respect how she feels about
this. No one said that we should.

Like Whitney said to me last night.

Wow.

Listen, I respect how she feels about
this. No one said that we should.

Like Whitney said to me last night.

We should not play games anymore.

So, um, the food's good.

I actually want to take the heat off you
two.

And so, Meredith...

You have yet

again come for me.

I don't know what you are referring to.
Be quiet. I'm about to tell you. Okay,

go on. I'm going to wet my whistle
because it's kind of a lot of

appetizers were a kerfuffle with me and
monica for the main course meredith and

angie what's for dessert a rum punch
from whitney right in the face you're

accusing me of doing fraudulent things
that i am in the greek mafia

wait what angie in the greek mafia i
grew up with angie

and trust me she is no tony soprano
Meredith, you have one employee.

I have hundreds of people. And what you
are doing is risking the livelihood of

my employees by spreading rumors that
I'm the mafia.

I never said fraudulent. I have never
said you are the mafia. Being dishonest

with money.

Can a Greek person not be successful? I
have made no claims of anything, Angie.

Oh, so this is all made up? I have not
made these claims.

You've never talked to anybody about any
of these things. You've never had one

conversation about any of these things.
I've never had a conversation where I

have said anything of that nature about
you.

Are you kidding?

This is bold -faced bullshit happening
right here.

We did have that conversation.

We did talk about her being in the
Greek. I did not say that.

Yes, we did.

Let's just own it. You know what else we
heard? Thanks to some DMs that were

sent to me on Instagram. I've heard.

You owe $170 ,000 to the IRS. I don't.

Who was saying that? I got DMs.

Interesting.

Monica said that after you called her
and told her to look in her DMs,

after your conversation that some
documents appeared from a fake account.

Hello, Monica.

You called me one night. You said, did
you get a DM from so -and -so account?

I got one.

I go and I look. Lo and behold, it's all
there.

I don't know who this person is, but I
know who everyone thinks it is.

Well, it's not me.

I'm really not.

The last year, there was DMs going
around about Lisa.

With the SPC filing, and you're the one
who brought that up. It feels almost

exactly the same way. It's pretty
obvious that you're doing this behind

scenes. I'm not doing anything. I'm
living my life. I want my alpha. I don't

have time for this. At this point, with
this group of women, the accusations

aren't even surprising.

I don't know what the issue is here. I
don't know if it's, you know, jealousy.

I don't know if it's hatred.

I don't really know, but they have been
incessant. coming after me for

nothing. I've never heard of this. Never
heard of it. Never heard of what? Have

you ever heard of her claiming
bankruptcy? No.

Look it up. Google me, bitch. I do
millions of dollars in business.

I'll give you my social security number,
my birthday. Google me. Google my

family. There is not shit on the Katzen
Davis family.

Do you hear me? There is not shit.

You're not going to hide it from my
family if you sent the DMs.

You're lying about this. You're sending
her the f***ing DMs about Angie.

And it's enough. It's done.

Meredith, it's done. You're done. We're
sick of this. I'm so done with you doing

this mean s*** to all of us. Stop it.
You did it to Mary. You do it to Jen.

said before Jen even got arrested, she's
going to have a RICO case, a

racketeering case. What's going to come
out about me next? Say it now because I

don't want f***ing DMs sent to Monica,
Angie, Heather, and Whitney.

Okay, Lisa.

Meredith, I don't give a f***. I'm so
over this. I'm so over this.

I'm not doing it. When she told me
earlier, you did.

Stop doing it.

I'm so over this.

You want to dig up stuff on people who
all started doing it?

And go to the end. Trust me. I'm not
doing anything. I am living.

Classman, may I get some bread?

May I get some bread? Is that his name?
I need to know. I just need bread. I

need bread.

Do you need bread?

I need bread.

You know you've done this. If you would
come forward and admit it, we can move

on. I am not doing anything. You don't
do. You know why? I feel like.

You looked at Monica like you used to
look at Whitney and sent them to Monica.

And it's like, hey, Monica's a vehicle
to getting this out there. I

don't

get how Meredith doesn't realize, like,
we're on to you.

Like, it doesn't take Inspector Gadget
to figure out what you're doing.

She doesn't have superpowers. Like, she
can't make this go away.

There is no invisibility cloak. You're
guilty.

deal with lies. If we want to talk in
truth, I'm all for it. If we're going to

start lying and covering up stiff and
rewriting history, I can't do that. I'm

sorry. I can't be a part of that.

I can't be a part of that at all. And
listen, if one more DM shows up, I will

have my cybersecurity team go the
distance on it.

I will like IP addresses.

And you know what? There are easy ways
to hide things, but you can always

out who's doing stuff.

Why in the hell does Lisa have a cyber
security guy?

Like, do I need to get one?

I know she has seven attorneys. I can
only assume this is like geek squad in

Armani.

John and I cross our T's and dot our
I's. Did you not expect us to have

that would work in cyber security?

Bitch, you've been warned.

My quick set is too tight for this.

You guys, can we take this back to the
house?

I just think we need to end it. Like,
this is, like, a whole thing that has to

end. We're friends. We shouldn't be
hurting each other in any capacity.

Listen, Meredith has a very
sophisticated game of pot story. I mean,

into documents.

You okay?

Oh. It's ridiculous. But to think one of
our friends has gone to the trouble to

create a fake account to then send dirt
DMs that they've dug up on another one

of our friends to themselves is a huge
boondoggle of deceit.

That would be very weird behavior.

Next time on The Real Housewives of Salt
Lake City.

It's so beautiful out.

Another beautiful day.

Everyone thinks that you created the DM.

No. I do not understand this mess that
you've gotten yourself in. Don't date up

on your friends.

I'm getting really pissed off.

You exploited my sexuality in your book.
Do you understand what you're saying?

Because you sound like an idiot.

You sound like an idiot. You sound like
an hypocrite.

I'm an actual New York Times bestselling
author.

Good for you. I think you're a
ridiculous bitch for even saying it. I

Get out of the way.

Jesus, Whitney.