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THREE MEN AND A BASKET

I'll be back.

I've gotta run but I have a favour to ask you.

Whatever, but hurry I'm really busy !

I'm supposed to get a valuable package on Sunday,

but I won't be home. Can I have it delivered here?

Yes, sure

- Will someone be here ? - Pierre and Michel.

I'm leaving for Japan.

Will you tell them it'll arrive sometime on Sunday ?

Tell 'em to put it aside.

Someone will pick it up on Thursday.

- Is that all? - I can trust you, right?

Sure, you don't have to worry about a thing.

It's a bit tricky... If it's here, I'll feel safer.

- Don't worry, it's done, bye now. - Okay, I'm gone.

My poor feet!

I told you the party will wear you out.

- That was neat, huh? - Yeah.

What's Jacques doing?

He's necking with a brunette. "Sophie", I think.

No, Lili's her name

Lili or Sophie She's got a cute bum !

Nicole wouldn't shove off I couldn't get near Natalie.

- Jean-Marc's girl? - Yup

A cracking lay according to him !

- Any whisky left? - Check the cabinet.

Sorry not to help but I've got something going.

- Aren't you leaving tomorrow? - Yeah, I'm flying to at dawn.

Forget it ! The concierge'll clean tomorrow.

Just tiding up a bit.

Up all night then jet lag in Japan... What a man !

That bum of hers ! A real dish !

We were just talking about that.

Is it Lili or Sophie?

"Clementine", guys. Did you score, Michel?

I've 34 drawings to deliver in 10 days and no nights till then.

But I'll catch up. Don't leave Clementine's number !

I'll leave it for you tomorrow morning.

I'll mark it with an X if she's worth it.

Well I'd better go.

I won't wake you. See you in three weeks !

Oh, wait, wait I forgot something...

I'm so beat, I can't walk, I'm really beat.

I feel like collapsing.

- Hey, Jacques ! What's up ? - Hey, Paul !

Hell, I forgot to tell 'em about the package !

Valerie !

I've got to make a call.

Sorry, captain... I'll be right back...

I got it...

A package, Sunday. They'll come for it on Thursday.

No problem... We'll put it aside.

I'm in a meeting... Bye...

Kisses to the geishas!

I'm going for croissants... 3 or 4 ?

- What time is it ? - It's 10. To work !

- But I was at it till 6 ! - Finished ?

I didn't get anywhere.

Like I said, coffee, croissants and to work !

- 3 or 4 ? - 6 !

FOR JACQUES

What the hell is that?

You got to be kidding...

Michel !

Wake up !

- Hurry, come here ! - What is it !

Come see what's on the doorstep ! That's some of a joke!

What is that?

You see, it's a basket with a baby in it and a letter on it.

"Dearest Jacques, here's Marie the fruit of our passion.

"I'll be in the States for 6 months.

"Take good care of her Good luck, Sylvia."

A nice gift from Jacques to keep us amused...

- What're we gonna do ? - Give her back !

- But she went to the States! - There must be a way.

- Got her number? - Whose?

Sylvia's!

Why would I ? Never heard of the girl !

- Don't you know her? - No way!

If I had to know of all Jacques' girls,

I'd be a full-time secretary !

- What're we gonna do? - Look, she's waking up...

Look, she's laughing...

Now, she's crying!

Please, she's not gonna start crying ?

It's getting serious.

It's too much ! What are you going to do ?

Now she's really crying !

- What's wrong with her ? - Maybe she's hungry.

- Hungry?... - May be we should feed her...

With what...

What has he done to us ! What a bastard !

"A little package"...

"Just put it aside till next Thursday"...

Call Jacques' mother.

How could help us from 500 miles?

- At least to ask her advice... - That old harpy !

I can already hear the questions firing...

What would Jacques do to us if he finds out we called his mother ?

- I could call my own mother. - Leave mothers out, please!

I promised Jacques to keep it secret. Let's handle it on our own.

Let our mothers in and we're stuck for 10 years !

Besides, if a woman stays here more than a night, I move out.

- We made a deal. - Well, go and ask the chemist.

Good thinking Damn! it's closed on Sunday!

- The 24-hour pharmacy... - I'll go.

You take the baby.

Take the baby! I've never carried any... I'll drop it!

OK, OK, don't cry... I'll hold you.

What's the best brand?

It depends on your pediatrician's prescription.

Of course...

Give me the most popular.

- All brands are popular. - Ok, give me that one.

- This one's formula-milk. - Is that bad ?

No, It's very good

What's the difference ?

The formula... This one's formula-milk too.

So there're several...

First age, or second ?

- There are two ages ? - How old is the baby ?

Well... It's a baby... A little baby...

Stop crying ! Will you ever stop ?

Please, just go to sleep ! What the hell is that jerk doing ?

Milking cows ?

Please, sleep, baby !

Does she have teeth yet ?

- That'd tell us about her age. - I didn't look.

If she hasn't, she's probably younger than 6 months now.

- If she has teeth... - She's older than 6 months !

Not at all, she could very well have had teeth at 3 or 4 months.

- Oh... - Then, you need first-age milk.

And still it depends on the brand !

Some cover 3 months, some 4.

- Other brands... - How am I supposed to know ?

- What's her weight ? - Well...the weight...

Weigh her and according to her weight...

Never mind... I'll take both ages.

And see about the teeth.

- Do you want bottles ? - Yes.

- The nipples, regular or 3-speed ?

There are different nipples, too ?

It's about time !

Here's a package for you What've you got there ?

Oh, it's so cute ! Is it yours ?

- No. - It's so adorable.

- Is it a boy? - Yes... No, a girl.

What's the baby girl's name ?

- It's Marie. - Isn't that cute, Marie...

- I didn't know you had a baby. - No, it's not me...mine !

- Pierre's ? - No, Jacques.

I mean, not Jacques' either. It's been lent to us.

I mean... she's leaving Thursday.

- But where's her mummy ? - Ok, I'll put her to bed.

You ? But where's her mother ?

She'll be back.

Here's an urgent package. Can I hold her ?

What nice fat cheekies ! You can tell she's well-fad.

You're a chubby little thing... Hey, she's soaked !

It's number 2... Can I help change her ?

Leave it, I'm experienced. Goodbye, Mrs Rodriguez.

There, there, don't cry!

- I'm closing the door. - Well, I'll come back to see her.

Sure, goodbye

What a leech ! And that other clown, where's he ?

Go on, cry...

For her you smile but for me it's all pouts.

And who's been hauling you around for hours ?

How do you make a bottle ?

First, you sterilize the bottles. Then...

Sterilize? How?

Well, to sterilize a bottle...

What the hell were you doing ? It's been hours !

I've had it, it cries incessantly. You're a real asshole!

Hey, you've never talked to me like that!

What took you so long ? Had breakfast on the way ?

- I haven't had a cup of coffee ! - Cut out the act.

I had no coffee. The pharmacy took an hour!

- Here ! I've got to work. - Why are you giving her to me?

I can't hold her and make a bottle. And why should I hold her ?

That's your business. You found the kid !

That takes it ! You're the Bastard of the Year !

I'd like to point out that I found her

on my way out for your breakfast...

There she goes again... Better feed her.

It isn't that easy... Frist, I must check the teeth.

Why ?

Food is different according to age.

- We look on top or on the bottom ? - I don't know.

Feel with your finger.

Nothing... She must be less than 9 months, I'll try first age.

- She's soaked, get any nappies ? - Dammit !

I forgot that !

This time I'll go it'll be much quicker.

You have the basic pad, the disposable nappy...

- with elasticated legs or... - Give me the most absorbent!

Maxi plus?

My trousers!

Oh shit, she did it.

Hand me the cotton.

- Don't let her go ! - Take the cotton yourself, then.

Hold her, for God's sake !

Hold her ? She's hysterical, this kid !

- Get rid of that towel. - She'll soil the couch.

That shit sticks ! It won't get off easily.

We'd need some kind of lotion...

- Aftershave ? - You nuts ?

- Waste Saint-Laurent on this ? - Let's just put on the diapers.

The tabs go in the front or back ?

Who cares ?

Hold her under the arms I'll try this way.

What's this crap? They're much too big!

Not at all ! The more absorbent the better.

But how does this work ?

- Would you hold her ! - I'm weakening...

I didn't tighten it enough...

- What about laying her down... - Not there, it's full of shit !

What the hell is the matter with this diaper !

To think they bug us all day long

with their TV ads... Look, this stuff's worthless.

Stick it, it gaps. Unstick it, it's a mess !

Let's start again.

Oh, no she's pissing now !

The couch... What a wretch this kid is !

The second the pad is off and there she goes.

It's your fault, too.

These nappies don't fit.

You fond them in the fat ladies department ?

It's floods for sure. I care about my furniture !

I'll go buy others. Meanwhile, you can clean up the couch.

Fat lady, yourself !

Mr Jacques Duchemin... Yes, he's a steward...

He's on a flight to Japan...

Yes, a very, very urgent message... Family problem.

He must call home immediately because then he's going

to Thailand for 3 weeks and will be unreachable.

Thank you.

- Maybe she's hungry... - Already ?

Hurry ! She's famished.

- Is it done ? - Coming !

God, wet again !

You can't leave me alone I can't handle it.

I'm seeing Nathalie.

You really stink ! Me, do I go out ?

I've been after her for 2 months.

Do that and I'm packing !

What a drag you are ! It was tonight or never !

I've got in a real mess... My partner just called,

I've got to work all night on a project for tomorrow.

Of course not I'm not seeing anyone else...

I swear, Nathalie... I'm not lying...

It's Pierre... Listen, I'm ill. Tell everybody

that I won't be at the agency till Friday.

Avoid pork, brains fish, game, duck...

Wait before giving wine and coffee...

In order to avoid stress and fatigue, normal diet...

Ah, Restricted Foods!

Avoid artificial flavored food...

I'm sorry, Mr Porchat I've got problems.

The drawing won't be ready before the end of next week.

No, not this one, the one after.

I'm really sorry.

He didn't say what time ?

He said Thursday, that's all

But Thursday is vague. We may rot here till 8 o'clock !

It's OK as long as she goes.

Then it's freedom for us No more sleepless nights !

He could've called... He must have our message by now.

He wallows in Thai saunas while we're up shit creek !

How could he act like this ?

We should drag him here. Hell with vacation !

- Bottle time soon... - What a drag !

- Jacques Duchemin's ? - Yes.

- We've come for the package - Some package !

You can tell Sylvia she's a bitch !

- Sylvia ? - Yes, Sylvia !

Dumping on people like that !

- We shouldn't be mixed up in it. - We didn't know...a mix-up ?

How could she just dump her baby here ?

You leave it here

but Jacques is in Japan we coped with it all.

- I don't understand. - You could've left a number...

We didn't even know the kind of milk !

Anyway, now you're here.

She's got a bottle in 45 minutes. It's ready in the basket.

There's a supply of nappies, lotions and everything...

But... It's a real one !

We don't really know her age

but I use 6 measures of powder for 3 ounces of water.

Here's the box of milk plus one extra.

Oh! Get it... Powdered milk !

Okay... Good luck.

Wait a sec... we'll take the basket and the milk

but not the... I mean, not what's inside ?

What's inside ?

You take the lot it's a package deal.

You carry it.

We will go now.

Where are you taking her ?

Where it's planned.

Don't you have a number, an address so we know how she is ?

I don't have it on me... I'll contact you later.

- Good bye. - Good bye.

- Good riddance ! - To work, at last !

Care of Jacques...

Michel !

- What's this ? - A package, what else ?

- Did you get this package ? - Yeah, why ?

- When did it come ? - Don't shout !

When did it arrive ?

I don't know... on Sunday Mrs Rodriguez brought it up.

- Oh, my God ! - What is it ?

The baby and the package both came on Sunday !

- So ? - This is why they came for.

- Not for the kid, you moron ! - What ? What are you saying ?

Look out the window I'll run after them.

Holy hell ! Holy smoke ! Holy shit !

- Can you see them ? - There... with the bike...

Wait... Wait !

I'm glad I caught you... There's a big mistake...

You must give me the basket It was the wrong package

- The package you came for. - Shut up, there's a cop...

If you squealed on us I'll blow your brains out.

Hello, gentlemen. What're you doing with that ?

Were you trying to put the baby on this motorcycle ?

Of course not.

Then why were you attaching it ?

They were just watching it for me while I bought cigarettes.

Registration papers, please.

Give him the papers.

Shit ! I left it at home.

Follow me to the station we'll see about that.

It's bottle time, I've got to go.

Your papers, please.

- Why me ? What did I do ? - Show me your ID.

I don't have them I just went out for cigarettes.

To the station, you too.

Let's be serious, I can't take my passport, voting card,

rent book whenever I go out for cigarettes ?

And with a baby, huh?

Anyway, I have to give her a bottle in 15 minutes

I can't go to the station now.

Stop ! Stop !

Let's get to it. I asked for your papers !

Please, officer. I've a bottle to give...

- I live next door... - Then I'll follow you

Can't fool me ! Which way ?

This way.

So you don't know them ?

I told you I don't know them.

But you give them your baby to watch ?

- Just the time to buy cigarettes. - You go buy cigarettes

and they tie the basket on their bike ?

Can you go prepare the bottle she's hungry.

- Who's he ? - He's my flatmate.

- I see, I see... - No, 3 of us live together here.

Even better!

Excuse me, please... I'll go get the bottle.

We've got a real problem.

See this package, it's dope. That's what those guys came for.

If that cop finds it here we're in for 15 years.

So hide it wherever you want but it's got to go.

But not completely !

They'll be back for the bloody thing !

And then it's our lives for their smack !

Let's sitck together Michel, we're in deep...

I picked it up...

It's a collect call from Bangkok, Thailand.

- Will you take it, sir ? - I accept...

Yes, I'll take it.

Jacques ? It's Pierre...

Yes, we left a message... No, no... Nothing special.

We just wanted to hear from you...

Yes, the package came... And went.

Why didn't you call earlier ?

A what ? A hot deal ? I see...

You're lucky... I was saying you're lucky...you, at least.

Have a nice vacation... See you in two weeks, bye now !

So, your friend is in Thailand...

He couldn't call before Because he is onto a hot deal.

And he asks if the package came...

Seems I'm also onto a hot deal !

You'll explain to the chief.

Good morning... What is it ?

Nothing... A misunderstanding

Did you give her the 5:30 bottle ?

I just did

- And changed her ? - No, she's wet.

I'll do it.

He's a steward... He oftens flies to Tokyo.

But why Thailand ?

- He goes where he wants. - And he's making a move ?

He was talking about some girl. He's very into it

In your opinion, why did your baby sitters take off ?

I told you I don't know them.

And who's your friend who just came in ?

He's a cartoonist. We share the apartment.

Whose child is it?

Jacques, we're keeping her because the mother's in the States.

They're separated I've told you this 10 times.

Okay, honey bun...

Let's go take a good nap

- A Martini ? - No, thanks.

Don't leave Paris in the next few days.

- See you soon. - Good bye, detective.

Come back when you want you'll always be welcome.

We've no particular plans to leave Paris...

Good bye !

It's the pits. They'll be on our asses.

- Where's the package? - Stowed away, don't worry.

Where?

- This way, it's right on hand. - You crazy ?

I put it under the cop's nose he never caught on!

I told them we're keeping her until Jacques comes back

we're in for another 15 days !

And I'm scheduled to work today... Hey, don't let me down !

We'll share the work.

Alone with her plus the cops... Take a maternity leave !

Wait till we hear from the gang...

I won't be in for 2 weeks... Something came up.

Personal problems.

Okay, put him on.

I can't explain... I'm in a mess, that's all.

Yes, yes, no, that's not it.

Cool down, I'm coming but only for an hour.

I have to go to the office.

I must go show them my drawings otherwise they won't pay.

- Right now ? - I've got 2 hours.

Dammit ! I've got to go out too. They want me pronto.

- A contract's pending... - Go later !

It'll be too late, it's 5 to 6.

Same goes here my boss leaves at 6:30.

I can't anymore...

How did we get into such a jam !

What if we left her at Mrs Rodriguez?

Brillant ! Let's bring her the basket.

Shit.

The cops are already grilling her !

We can't serve the dope to them on a platter...

She's just had a bottle, she'll sleep.

Let's leave her upstairs.

What can happen? She's like clockwork.

She won't budge.

Sure ! We'll be right back anyway.

Michel ?

Michel, did you come al...

What the...

Marie !

Where are you !

My baby !

My precious !

- Come in, sirs... - Search warrant...

Go right ahead, sirs, it's all there.

I see you already had visitors...

But what is it you're looking for ?

Probably the same thing as your visitors.

Didn't the concierge bring you a package last Sunday ?

It was chocolate.

Let's get to work!

Would you mind if I look in the bed, please ?

I'll search the basket if you don't object...

Please do.

Thank you very much...

Good day. We regret you didn't find anything.

Thanks, see you sometime, maybe... Have a safe trip home.

We may find something sooner than you think, wise ass.

- Pierre ! Pierre ! - Careful.

They'll tail us.

I bet there are already two of them downstairs.

I'll watch from the window let's test it.

I was right.

They're there for good. We've got to play tight.

Did you like the new decor ?

Watch out, the cops are on us. See you at the meat stand.

We never tried to cross you moron but we're being shadowed.

Between 3 and 5 at Parc Monceau...

But the cops'll be there, too.

- Think I'm that dumb ? - You microhead !

I'll slip you the package ! No risk !

I mean it. I love the kid get it, scum?

Parc Monceau, between 3 and 5.

Triple shit ! What a jerk I am !

Are you off your rocker ? What kind of slob are you ?

Is it the latest thing dumping rubbish ?

Inside a trash can in Par Monceau ?

- Yup ! - Good for you !

Why are you late ? If you keep...

- Me too ? - Yes.

Only 7 more days...

4 more days...

Midnight... Only a day and a half to go...

It's tomorrow... Tomorrow God damn !

Customs... This way, please.

I'm home !

Anybody home ?

It's me !

You guys here ?

I've got loads of presents for you...

Wake up !

Here you are...

What's that monster ?

Here I am...

I've got presents for you...

What's with him ?

What's wrong with you ? Why such long faces ?

And what's that brat ?

Is it because of that ?

Well, we'll talk when you stop sulking.

And what that pigsty in my room ?

Are you nuts ?

Who the hell wrecked all my stuff ?

Answer me, guys !

I paid for the furniture, too.

I demand some explaination ! I can demand reparation !

I already asked you about the brat... I don't want that around.

Women are already out so family life, forget it !

Listen pal, you sit down and open your ears up.

You'll soon change your tune.

What is this zoo ?

And stop talking to me like that, all right ?

I'm talking like this because you're a pain !

You have caused all the problems !

You think we like kids in this house ?

But, when it's forced on you you have to cope with it !

And that package!

And the apartment...

All our stuff is broken ! There's nothing left !

And we're exhausted. We've hardly slept in 3 weeks.

A bottle every 3 hours, 2 at night plus cops around the clock...

Real hide and seek!

And out of the blue, our hero calls I'm in Bangkok...

I'm onto a hot deal... Did the package come ?

Coming, it came ! 2 of them !

Michel couldn't deliver his drawings

he may lose five thousand...

I couldn't go to the agency in 20 days !

A real maternity leave !

My partner is screaming on the phone !

We had to juggle the cops the dealers and the kid.

And without Michel's brilliant idea of hiding the dope

in the nappy, hello jail !

- We nearly freaked out ! - They ransack the place.

Pierre comes home he finds it in the toilet.

- Boy, was he in a state... - That's not the problem.

We've been drowning in bottles,

and shit for three weeks, and we've had it !

What is this ? Cops ? Baby ?

And who broke in here ?

And why two packages ? And who dumped this kid on you ?

And why didn't you go to work ? I don't understand.

Why, why... two days with the kid and you'll understand why !

But who is that damn kid, anyway ?

Her name's Marie and you shouldn't spit on her

because she's your daughter !

Can't waste our lives wiping a baby's ass.

Even if it's yours!

Paul ? I brought you back a present...

Can't wait to see you...

Their only solution was doped nappies, clever, no ?

What are you talking about doped nappies ?

Maybe you don't know I've got a baby on my hands.

Thanks to you ! Call that being a pal ?

Have you asked yourself what I'm supposed to do with the baby ?

- Is it your idea of friendship ? - Who's that damned baby, anyway ?

I'm warning you, don't insult her.

Damn baby yourself ! It's my daughter !

So don't spit on !

Say, mum, I'm bringing you a little surprise...

If I tell, it's no surprise.

You will soon find out.

I think it'll make you very happy.

The next 4 are ready It'll last you till tomorrow.

- Alright - Tell her to let her sleep a lot.

- Okay. - If her arse is red

tell her not to listen to doctor's bullshit.

The only cure is a bottle of water instead of milk.

In 3 hours, it's fixed. A miracle, a bottom like marble !

Got it.

Pierre says to wash her clothes with soap flakes.

Where she's going you'll find soap flakes, no problem !

Rinse 3 times in hot water.

Rinse 3 times...

To help her sleep we sing two-part lullabies.

- But my mother lives alone ! - She'll sing alone.

All she has to do is sing her a lullaby.

- Got it. - And about the nipples.

There're 3 speeds on the nipples ! Always use the slowest.

...Number 1...It's super super important. The slowest, always.

Otherwise it flows too fast and it's bad for her digest.

I'd better hurry I'll miss my plane

- Anyone here ? - There's me !

- And Jacques ? - He went to Nice.

He comes and goes the same day... What a nerve!

He took Marie to his mother.

- I made him 4 bottles of milk. - What an asshole !

Don't worry, I prepared 4 bot...

This guy's killing me !

- What's wrong ? - He could've called me, at least !

Sad she's gone ?

Absolutely not ! What're you making up ?

I'm relieved ! Good riddance !

- I prepared 4 bot... - He could've said something...

Unbelievable...

There're such things as phones !

...4 bottles for the trip ! I finally got it out !

God... Marie-Rose, look ! It seems I'm a grandmother.

Let me see her.

God is she cute !

- What's her name again ? - Marie.

Almost like you, Marie-Rose...

God, to think I'm a grandmother...

You could've let me know earlier... It's incredible...

You never call, never write never come to see me...

But I'm here now

Did you see, she smiled at me...

Who's her mother ? Won't you introduce me ?

She's gone to the States for 6 months.

So who's taking care of the baby for you ?

Well, I was actually thinking of you...

I thought may be you'd like to have her,

till her mother's back.

Yes, of course...

But the fact is that I'm leaving in 3 days with Marie-Rose

on a cruise to the Caribbean we're staying with friends.

See, it's a real chance...

A friend got us a cut-rate on the cruise...

When will you be back?

I don't know... in 3 or 4 months...

Then I'll be in Bordeaux to see a friends.

So, I can't take care of her.

- You've got loads of friends ! - That's right.

The senior citizens card's great...

And I get bored here... I'm so lonely...

Marie-Rose and I have so much fun.

Remember last year in Marrakesh? God, we really pigged out.

See Marie, your granny's going on a flink in the Caribbean.

She'll bring you a big exotic toy.

- You brought her back ? - Yeah.

She's starving put the bottle on.

What happened ? Did you have a fight ?

Damned senior citizens cards !

- She refused ? - She's leaving for the Caribbean

then to Bordeaux to stay with friends, then off again.

The apple never falls far from the tree.

- What do you mean ? - Nothing.

You're not her son for nothing.

What would she do in her age than travel.

Old age doesn't exist anymore !

You have to come back, that's final.

I travel, I can't take care of her.

Yes, but you're her mother !

What proves I'm really her father ?

The dates coincide... That proves nothing.

So you know it ?

I don't, so you come back and take her, now !

Sylvia !

Sylvia, hello ? Hello !

Sylvia... For heaven's sake !

The bitch, she hung up !

She's doing this on purpose ! I will find her, I will !

Don't you have her address ?

She got my message through her agency, and called from a hotel.

She's modeling all over the country.

Every week a new city. I'll never find her.

Especially now

she must've given them the word about me.

Good evening, sir... Mrs Rapons from Second Mother Agency...

Oh, hello. Do come in, do come in.

Step this way.

Wait a minute, please.

Who's that ?

Must be the nurse he found through an agency.

- She wants to see Marie. - She's sleeping.

Too bad, she's got to see her.

- What are you doing ? - I'm not doing anything.

Don't go in my room she's sleeping.

Mrs Rapons the nurse... She wants to see her.

Don't wake her up ! It'll take me an hour to calm her.

I know, but she wants to see her !

- I'll go explain. - Please, I'm begging you, don't.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

No, I'll do it.

Want to bet in 15 minutes she'll slam out of the place ?

If you can't even understand that one shouldn't wake a child

take a refresher course.

Sir, let me remind you I never wanted to wake her.

I only wanted to see her Slight difference !

It's normal I see the child I'll be caring for night and day.

Night and day ? You mean you'll be sleeping here ?

Of course ! A second mother is a second mother !

Where'll you sleep ?

If you'd please show me to my room...

I don't know where Jacques wants to stick you.

May be in his room.

But I'm warning you the 3 of us are real studs !

That's not my concern.

It'd be a shame at your age... if you'd taken chastity vows.

My concern is children

and as for screwing I've got all I need at home.

With a couple of days off a month I wouldn't have any problem.

My only interest here is the child and I can see she needs care.

Oh really ? And why may I ask ?

It's quite clear listening to you, sir.

Besides, you're not the father.

Now listen, Mrs Parons... Ronpas...

- It's Rapons, Mrs Rapons ! - Parons, Ronpas, Parons, hell !

- It's Rapons, Mrs Rapons ! - Rapons, whatever.

The mother one can always tell who she is

but the father, who knows ? get off my back !

Never mind ! I won't talk to you.

Show me the kitchen and the bathroom, please !

- Why ? - To prepare your shopping list.

You don't shop yourself ?

No shopping, washing or cleaning I'm a trained nurse.

We don't need a thing.

Have you sufficient fruits and vegetables ?

We don't give her any of that Only milk and cereal for now.

It's not enough

At 3 months you can begin a normal diet.

- That's bullshit - Why ?

You can't feed a baby like an adult !

- How do you know ? - I read books.

The diets doctors prescribe today are much too rich.

I have my own special recipe Mrs. Purons.

It's Rapons, Mrs. Rapons

For example, what do you do when they can't sleep ?

I try to calm them down. Sometimes, I give a sedative.

I knew it, you cretin !

I said there's no point to this I will not speak to you.

I'm fully trained.

I use the methods recommended by the greatest pediatricians.

Medicine is serious.

Know the song, Medicine's a whore the chemist's her pimp ?

We probably don't appreciate the same music I like opera myself.

Mrs. Napons, stay one more minute and I'll break your neck !

- This my house, get out ! - It's Mrs. Rapons !

I've unlimited patience with children,

but I'm not qualified to take care of lunatics.

Good day, and best regards.

I told you... 15 minutes timed

Listen guys what are we going to do ?

I tried everything but nothing worked.

My mother went on a trip, Sylvia is in the States,

Pierre doesn't want a nurse no day care.

Mrs Rodriguez's dropped us since the cops.

Even for the cleaning, she ditched us.

What do you want me to do?

Want me to take the kid away ? Go to the social worker ?

Here come the viloins...

Really, what do you suggest ?

What I suggest is that since her mother comes back in 4 months,

let's not waste energy looking for solutions.

We'll get organized the 3 of us'll take care of her.

- What's 4 months, anyway ? - Get organized ? How ?

First, I'm always travelling.

Ask to be grounded for serious family obligations.

That is out of the question.

I chose the job for travelling I won't stop travelling.

Then it's the social worker, not us.

4-hour nights, I've had it !

Take it easy !

You'll ask to be temporarily grounded and you'll...

No!

And you'll do the 6 to 10 shift.

That's 2 bottles, 2 changes. Plus the shopping after work.

Since I work at home I'll take 10 to 6.

I'll stroll her in the park but no more house chores.

Pierre, you'll do the 6 to 10 PM shift.

2 bottles, 2 changes. Bath, supervise the diet...

Gonna live like nuns !

And what if she wakes up at night ?

- I was sort of thinking of you... - I don't do nights, no way.

Needless to say me neither.

Bastards ! I'm on the longest 8 hours straight !

Nights are out Let her scream, but without me.

You're a crook.

We give you the easiest shift the morning when she's all rosy...

We're been on nights for weeks now you turn up your nose ?

She's your daughter, after all ! Are you that horny ?

Horny yourself !

I won't ask to be grounded. Piss off !

I don't need you. I'll find a solution on my own.

H.R.

- Jacques ? - Oh, hi.

- Anything wrong ? - No, it's all right.

What were you doing seeing the boss ?

I asked to be grounded.

- He said no ? - He said yes, that's just it.

I'm off, she ate well she's falling asleep.

She's crying... I'll go get her.

Let her cry. She'll stop in 2 minutes.

- Needs to burp. - She won't sleep if you carry her.

I know you let ger bawl for hours, but I can't.

I never let her bawl for hours !

You'd find any book theory for not taking care of her.

What a schmuck !

- Get off my back. - Quiet... It's 10.

It's not your shift, so drop it ! So go to work.

I'll hold her for 2 minutes and then put her back to bed.

Hi, Michel I just came by for a file...

- Everything okay ? - Fine.

- Then I'm off to work. - Okay.

- The kid's fine ? - Fine.

You look at me you smile at me...

You like your little bath...

- Hell, she's crying... - Who ?

Nothing... I'll be right back.

It's okay, right ? You are alright, right ?

- She's crying ? - Whenever I put her down.

- May be she's thirsty ? - No she's teething.

- What am I suppose to do ? - We bought a syrup.

Try to put her down, we'll sing.

This guy's completely nuts !

Are you gonna sing all night?

Oh, a baby...

Sorry.

- Who's that hag ? - Whatch your tongue !

Does she have to shout ?

I'm the one in charge give me a break.

Stop fighting, you two. She's sleeping !

As for your little father-knows-best act.

Drop it, I've had it!

Right! Same for me!

If you want to argue let's meet at Pierre's room.

I'm no punching ball !

I'll tell you, the day her Mother comes back it'll be heaven.

Sorry to intrude but I'm splitting.

I'm no wallflower.

Don't go...don't go !

Just a little argument... Here I go, back to bed !

Sorry, I don't feel like it anymore.

Bye !

When can I see you without a crowd ?

You're the busy one You cancel our dates !

Save room for the 3-tier cake it's from R & M !

Funny, I thought I heard a baby cry...

- Really ? - But it could've been the metro...

Give her a drink ?

Stop, he's filled my glass at least 8 times !

No way, she won't take it.

I sure will ! But I'm drunk...

- Tell me about Thailand... - It was wonderful !

Customs searched me...

Two hours in my shorts...

- Excuse me... - The art world in turmoil...

But where is Jacques ?

What the fuck are they doing ?

They're preparing dessert.

Come on back, guys this is boring without you !

I'll go get them.

- Try to put her in. - Hold your ears !

She must be teething

We can't let her cry here alone poor thing...

Watching football, or what ?

The guests... Let's take her outside

Yes, we can't leave her like this.

- It's a baby ! - I told you I heard a baby.

- What's that baby ? - Who's baby is it ?

This is Marie, my daughter.

Your daughter... You sure ?

- Congratulations - She's so cute.

- Don't cry, Marie... - There's too much noise, here.

You won't mind me turning it off would you ?

Give her to me, I'll try.

- If you sit down, it'll be worse. - Have you had her for long ?

A couple of months.

Who's her mother ?

She's in the States she'll be back soon.

Does she always cry like that ?

She's just teething. Usually, she's adorable.

And what if you just put her to bed ?

It's just a whim. Put her in bed.

I think little babies aren't very interesting.

Do you ?

So do I, they only begin to interest me around age 3.

Then you can teach them things talk... but before that...

Before that, all they do is sleep eat, cry...

Conversations are limited.

I wish babies were the only ones with limited conversation...

Depends on what you call limited.

In the kingdom of the jerk the cretin's one-eyed !

- What's that mean ? - Nothing.

I'll leave you to your unperishable talk.

I'll get the 3-tier cake, ok ?

Nurseries aren't my kick. See you.

Which way you going ?

Montparnasse Want a drink at Select ?

- Sure. - Can you drop me off at Vavin ?

Sure.

- Bye. - Bye.

Hey, where's Clotilde ?

Well, since they're all going... Coming, darling ?

Tell Pierre that the jerks are tired.

- Bye. - See you later, bye.

- I don't know what got into him. - He was mad, really mad.

I may also be a jerk but the fact is I'm tired.

Let's go we'll talk to him on Monday.

Here's the wonder... Leaving ?

- We're worn out. - Where's everyone ?

Pity for the cake but we must go, sorry.

- Never mind, it's okay. - Good bye.

Can you make some room on the...

Clotilde's plastered I'll take her home.

She's sleeping, we sang...

Where are they ?

- Gone! Clean the table for me. - Everyone ? Why ?

Don't know, they seemed mad Can you make some r...

Pierre !

Pierre, come see !

They've all gone!

Serves them right ! A bunch of childless dipshits !

Say, can you make some room for the c...

They can't stand kids.

I can't either, but that's no reason. They're all pigs !

The hell with it !

And Natalie says it's a whim, put her to bed ! She's a headcase !

Speak for yourself ! You shove your kid on us...

Don't push it ! My life is work baby, no sleep, work.

You don't do nights !

I haven't got laid for 6 months.

Forget chasing arse... At night, I'm too tired to go out.

- When is Sylvia coming back ? - It's been 6 months and 4 days.

I'll give her the week. Then, I dump the kid.

I hope you'll ball the hell out of her.

- Don't worry, blood'll flow ! - We did what we could !

We can't waste our lives wiping a baby's ass !

Hi, I'm Sylvia, Marie's mother. I've come for her.

Oh, it's you...

Wait, I'll get Jacques.

Is Marie ok ?

In great shape...

She was teething, these days...

Can I see her ?

Yes, she's here...

Hi, Marie darling...

Recognize mummy ?

She's so changed, so beautiful...

I did it to hurt Jacques I never imagined I'd miss her so...

Hurt Jacques, I see...

Is he here ?

Is Jacques here ?

I'll go get him.

Marie's leaving !

So, five bottles...

The small ones, for water...

The brush...

- Do you have a blender ? - A blender ?

For bananas, carrots... She gets them now.

No, I don't.

Well, here's ours.

- Want me to take her ? - No, I'll hold her.

Could you give these to Michel ?

- Here are the bibs... - Thank you.

I put the woolens on the bottom and the nappies on the top.

- That's what you'll need first. - Yes, thank you.

- You can come back for the cradle. - Yes, I will.

- Hand me the pushchair... - Where are you going to put it ?

Give me the pushchair.

- You really put us in a jam... - I'm sorry.

Really, it's been crazy for the last 6 months.

I'm really sorry.

We can't waste our lives wiping a baby's arse.

I understand.

Now that you're taking her back let's forget all that.

Alright.

- Have enough money ? - Enough.

- Got anybody ? - I don't need anyone.

I live alone but I've got girlfriends.

Or guys who pass through. No more than one night.

Work is more important.

We've got it all.

- I've loaded everything. - Now for Marie.

Here, let's sit !

That's taken care of !

Then I'll be off now. I can't thank you enough.

- Take care. - Good bye !

Bye, Marie.

- Well, we've done enough. - More than enough.

I forgot to tell her how to make the baby food.

- She'll get along on her own. - Right, she will.

- Now the good life ! - Sleeping late...

To hell with being grounded off I go to Caracas !

I won't leave Nathalie alone till I get her into bed.

For me, it's Charlotte, Clotilde Ghislaine, Patricia, Sylvie, Renee.

- There are so many... - It's really exciting.

I've six months of sex to catch up on.

She forgot her squeaky giraffe...

Nathalie ! Nathalie !

There are lot's of good stuff I'll tell you slowly.

- Good night. - Rest tight.

- Good night. - See you tomorrow.

- Your profile shot is the best. - Right.

Don't forgot the client wants the pictures by tomorrow...

- Tomorrow is really important. - They're good, no ?

- They are. - It's wonderful.

- Want me to take you home ? - No thanks I've an appointment.

I forgot my bag, don't wait.

- See you later. - Bye.

Still there darling ?

Mommy's done with work. You were a super nice girl.

Now let's go home.

You understand don't you darling ? Mommy's got to work.

Now what do mommy have to do next ?

Mommy's going to take off

her high heels and put on her good old shoes

and her good old jacket... Well that's it !

Now home, for a big din din !

Take off her high heels.

It's kind of like Romeo and Juliet...

I told her something...

This... this...

- You know what this is ? - It was short...

Oh, my feet...

What is this ?

Hey, a giraffe...

By the way, have you had any news from that kid you had ?

Actually, I won't be able to...

You put juice and cream ?

It's nice of you... You'll eat it with your girlfriends.

I'm with a friend... I've got something urgent to finish.

It'll take us the night, for sure.

Sorry

I hope you're not angry...

We'll make it up... Kisses everywhere !

They still live here the 2 guys with the baby ?

The ones who had trouble with the police...

Oh yes, they do.

I was on that case... I quit the force, don't worry.

Do you see, I'm pregnant...

Yeah.

Shall we go out for air?

I wanted to ask them...

It's been bothering me for a long time...

What is it ?

The dope, it was in the nappy wasn't it ?

- Yes, why ? - I feel better knowing it.

Did you know her ?

- Who ? - The baby...

That was my daughter How did you like her ?

I didn't really look at her

but I should have If I had I wouldn't've been fired !

If I could remake the world if I were God

I'd make Adam out of Eve's rib.

Not the other way around.

That's an idea

Why not ?

But why ?

Things would've been clearer...

No one would of made us believe that a being came out of our rib.

Because nothing comes out of a man's rib.

Never...

Just out of our prick... and still.

It all remains to be done.

For sure

To make buildings, planes, cars

that we know how...

It's useful...

I applied for a job with the Water & Forest...

Maybe no one made us believe it...

May be, we wanted to believe it

But let's face it. No one ever comes out of our rib.

The baby was white as snow And the happy old days...

Tomorrow, San Francisco.

Say hello to the Pacific for me...

I'm flying back the day after.

You'll be in a horrible bood.

Jet lag ruids you, now.

What do you mean, now?

Before, you dind't. Now, it gets to you.

- Before what ? - How should I now ?

Before, that's all !

It doesn't get to me at all.

- No more jam... - I'm not going

I'm going to work.

Are you eating here todight?

No, I'm going to the flicks with... I forgot her name.

- Your Indian ? - No, she's Finn.

But what's her name .

Weird names they have ! Mathilde... Magdeleine...

I don't remember... Ma something.

Marie ?

Dasty cold I got !

You think I'd bawling all the tibe but it's odly the flu.

I don't know what's got into me.

Everything I draw stinks.

- Really ? Why ? - I don't know, I feel sluggish.

Me too.

Must be the weather...

All this rain...

Hi, is Sylvia here ?

She'll be back in an hour or two. About midnight, she said.

Oh, I see...

Want to wait ?

Why not ?

- Is Sylvia okay ? - I don't know I'm medical student.

I baby sit. This is my first night.

Oh, I see...

I won't wait for her, after all.

Give her this when she comes in.

Sure.

Shouldn't she be sleeping at this hour ?

She cries when I put her to bed so I let her stay up.

Haven't you got any tight ?

Haven't you got any tights for her legs ?

Tights ? It's warm in here.

- You want me to call them ? - No.

But you should let them know at least!

No I'm not going I've had it with travelling.

Hurry up, I'll call a taxi. You can make it.

- Don't you dare call ! - Don't act like a baby !

They won't have time to replace you.

You'll lose your job ! How will you pay the rent ?

I'll wash dishes I'll move to a bedsit.

What happened ?

I'm not going anymore I'm fed up with their flights...

With women who have the same ass... With hotel rooms...

Duty free shops make me throw up !

I'd like to know what I live for !

Do you know why you live?

I cooked... Pierre'll be here and cheer you up...

He's already here.

- I didn't hear him. - I did.

He's in his hole.

Wake up.

It's steak...rare.

Coming, Pierre ? Dinner is on.

Let's eat !

Is Jacques here ?

I'm freaking out...

- Can't handle it alone. - Jacques !

Jacques, for god's sake !

My work never ends, my schedule is crazy...

I just did 4 days of posing... Everyday, my work never...

- I just did 4 days... - And ?

- We'd finish at 3 AM... - And ?

At 5, she'd wake up ! Think how much sleep...

I know after the 5 AM bottle comes the 8 AM.

Without mentioning the cash for the baby sitters.

And baby sitters leave kids half-naked and up all night !

That was you, the flowers ?

I could've killed the guy !

I can't handle it.

My parents're in Brittany Anyway, we're at odds.

- The kid needs to go to the park. - For sure.

Need the time Everyday... hard to find...

I have to work, I like it and I need the money.

But to get a job, I need a sitter. You know for the money.

So I work all day and ...not sure I'm taking good care of her.

Yes, you're, don't cry. She looks great !

I'm craking up... I haven't slept in 4 days...

She must be teething and I can't make it.

It's nothing at all ! Some syrup will do.

She pulled that on us, too. We lost all our friends for one tooth

Look at my face...

How can I pose like this ?

And what'll do if they don't want me ?

You look great, just sleep. At your age, it can all be fixed.

Sleep, sure, but when ?

Well, leave the kid with us a few days and go recover.

We're experienced... For us it's nothing

Can I really leave her with you ?

Of course you can come back when you want to.

Take a rest !

I brought her things for a couple of days...

Isn't she hungry ?

Yes, it's time for her bottle. It's in her bag.

I'll heat some water.

I'll make her bed.

Hey, guys, come see...

- Come look ! Here ! - What is it ?

Come here and look !