Original subtitles

Oh boy.

That's a good way to get all the girls out.

That fire

alarm is when he said it all. It's like that's how I woke up feeling.

Good morning, sunshine.

Hell no.

Good morning. Listen, I ran down here with my hair scarf on.

I was like, what the heck? I said, Chad, I don't know how to cook grits, and

they burn up the bacon, Lord. I don't know about this bacon, but I'm going to

try it.

This is not how we prepare bacon down south.

Marco, what are we looking at for the day today?

We've got a pretty low -key and fun day lined up for you here.

Breakfast, shopping in downtown. I like that. That's right.

Lunch.

Oh, then we're going to do the field day. That's so fun.

That's going to be a fun time. Oh my God, we're going to make the lasagnas.

Yeah. Randy called me and said, I make a great lasagna. I make a great lasagna

and I make a great lasagna. I'm like, okay, let's go for it. Now we're going

have a lasagna off.

Oh, we are.

Get ready.

Listen, there's a couple of things that one must not do.

Don't try to art decorate me. Don't try to out talk me. And you certainly don't

mess with the lasagna. It's in my blood.

Last night, it went from, like, just everything's normal, and then it was

like, oh, my God, level 10.

I felt like I was in a circus a little bit last night.

If you shut the up for two seconds, I know that.

Don't talk to me like that.

I got to say, I had the best time last night. I don't know about everybody

but I laughed my ass off, so thank you for that. It was just crazy, right? It

was kind of fun.

Where the heck is Brandi? She left her phone in my room last night. Did she?

I lost a credit card, so I'm just looking for it.

Paula, she came to your room last night after I went to sleep?

Well, no, just to chat now. Okay. My eyebrows might not be arched right.

These are not lesbian eyebrows.

What made you think the lady was a lesbian?

Her eyebrows.

Do not get this arch confused, boo.

No, I ain't had mine done in a while. Let me make sure I get these real

dickly.

Hey, princess, may I have your coffee?

I need to get this out again.

I have a copy of today's itinerary. Awesome. If you care to hold on to one.

Yeah, thank you so much.

Would you like an itinerary for the day?

Dorinda gave us a whole breakfast menu.

I feel like I am at summer camp.

Dorinda has an itinerary for the day.

I'm like, Atlanta thought they hosted. Dorinda Medley, you're the hostess with

the mostest. You're making it nice.

We'll be sporting headsticks. Okay.

Come on.

I want that.

Oh, I have a whole drawer full.

I like a headpiece because it makes me transform into a different person, and a

headpiece just sets the tone.

Yes!

So today I'm going to make my lasagna with Brandy.

I'm hoping it's a bonding moment.

Yeah. She doesn't mean that. She doesn't mean that.

That's what I said. Don't pick on her. Yeah. No, I'm all with that.

Brandy definitely stirs the pot, and she definitely knows how to...

Poke. What I would like to say to you, like, as a woman to, like, another

Shut the f*** up.

But there's something very sweet about Brandy. Good morning.

Morning. Good morning. Nice sweatshirt. Thanks.

And I do think that Brandy has a good heart.

Okay, let's have fun today, Vicky.

I'm really congested. I think we should celebrate your birthday since we're all

together. No, let's do it with real friends.

These are our real friends.

Our new friends. I'm good with the new friends. I'm not good with some of them.

So pass me all my medicine.

Not only am I just recovering from COVID, Brandy came after me. I got this,

know, breakup that I wasn't expecting.

And I just don't feel 100%. This is disgusting.

I hate taking pills.

Hi, good morning.

Good morning.

That is adorable.

I can't. Oh, you look so cute.

You know, I love you. I just get frustrated with you.

You know what I said to someone? By day, she's got the face of an angel, and at

night, the mouth of a serpent.

Does that mean I give great boy jobs?

I mean, I do, so... The good thing about me is I say my piece, and I move on.

We'll talk to Vicky, then, and please give her some of your spirit, because we

need to leave yesterday and yesterday.

When I learned I was going on a trip, and Vicky was involved, I just knew we

were doing tequila shots, and I was going to be...

But right now, Vicky's absolutely Debbie Downer.

Slightly understandable because of the situation, but I don't think she wanted

the light brain to begin with, is what I'm feeling.

My issue I thought was going to be with Tamara because she said some s*** in the

press about me.

But I didn't know that Vicky and I were going to have a problem.

Go home.

Sincerely, we're done with this. Nobody wants you. You don't say that to women.

It's not cool.

I think that they're so freshly off Housewives.

It's been years for me.

Off. You know what I mean? I think that they're still in that mode.

I'm going to ignore the bad behavior.

Brandy? Yeah. I don't think she has good behavior. I don't think she has good

behavior. She's sweet.

She's like.

She is nuts.

Sweet. When she's not drinking, she is sweet.

Oh, I didn't see it.

Okay. Well, maybe you can see it today. When I talk to Brandy, you can tell,

like, her thoughts are very sweet and pure and innocent, and then she drinks.

All right, I'm going to get ready.

All right, well, we're going to have a positive day.

I agree. And you know what the good news is? We're staying here tonight. So you

just wear our jammies. Let's just really be careful for dinner and easy tonight.

Yeah. What are you doing in there, Dorinda?

Sharpening her knives, baby. Iron sharpens iron, baby. Come on, Dorinda. I

to get in there and start what I need to be doing. Well, listen, I wouldn't have

said let's have a lasagna off if I didn't know my lasagna was awesome.

But it is Dorinda's home. We have other things to do. She has four chefs.

Clearly they're going to be checking on it. So I definitely don't have the home

court advantage.

I'm grabbing all the good ingredients before she gets to it. So I'm going to

her at a disadvantage early on. Listen, I'm a fair player. When it comes to

lasagna, we will have equal time, equal ingredients.

I'm an Olympic lasagna maker.

Len and I are like a well -written symphony.

Do you have a pot for me?

A what? A pot and a cutting board or no? Yes, I have it all. Let me just get

this. I'll do a second seasoning in about two hours.

You'll put it on high, but then you're going to look.

I had like a bag of 20 tomatoes.

Here we go. And then we can...

Get out of Brandy's way.

No, it's fine. I just don't think I have the right stuff.

I'm just shocked that, like, half my ingredients are missing.

So did she steal them and put them in her lasagna, or did she just throw them

away to jack me? I used some of the tomatoes we bought. Tomato.

All right, I'll give you that if you want it, okay? Okay, I'll borrow your

tomatoes.

Anybody upstairs ready?

Because the bus is leaving.

Pedro? Yes, ma 'am. Lady Gorgeous?

Oh! Oh, nasty top.

Oh, is she cute.

I am looking forward to today.

We're going to go shopping.

And I have found a dispensary. I want to get Taylor high.

That's my plan.

All right. All right. Here we go.

I got my camera. We are taking pictures today.

I'm so happy to get out of the house. I can't stay in one place for that long.

It's a cute town.

Does this remind you of London or am I? This is where I grew up. It totally

reminds me. So cute.

Great Barrington is adorable.

Kind of looks like something from like a Christmas story.

So this is crystal essence. You're going to love it.

Hello.

No good in here.

Oh my gosh. Thank you.

Crystals are beautiful here, right? I love crystals.

I charge them in the moonlight.

I drink moon water.

I'm that girl.

I'm in heaven. I want everything here, and I want a full moon tomorrow.

Like sage, under your feet, in your hair, under your arms.

The crystals, I have started to get into them. I don't know anything about

crystals. I've even had a yoni crystal in my vagina before, and it won't come

out. Until it's supposed to. I'm a little nervous. Like, what if I get the

crystal and I draw, like, something bad into my life? Then it just dropped out,

and I walked in the Target and met a man.

And went on three dates with him.

Then I found out he worshipped the devil.

Put it around her butt.

Maybe it'll grow.

If you grow a butt.

Hello,

do you have any crystal balls?

I want to see what my future's going to be, so I'm going to put it in my office.

Wait, you want a crystal ball?

I've never been into crystals. I don't understand how a stone can give you

energy. I'll try it one.

Doubt it's going to work, but we'll try it. So talk to me about amethyst.

My heart's hurting right now.

Put the crystal ball down. I'll tell you exactly what's going to happen in your

future. You don't even have to pay me. It's time to move on.

It's over. Do you really need a crystal ball? Does anyone want to come to

another store with me? I'm going to go to another store. I'll go with you.

I'll put this behind the counter.

Are we going? Where are we going? In the liquor store.

Okay. Can we sit right here? Absolutely.

Please sit.

Sit right here. I want to talk to you. I love you to death. You know that. But I

was confused about something that happened last night, and I just want to

to you now that nobody's around.

Go ahead.

I felt you were a little wishy -washy.

With Brandy, we were all frustrated. But then when she starts going off on

people and telling people to shut the f*** up, then you defended her.

But a little bit, Vicky. You know she's reactory and you were waiting for her to

f*** up.

She's a good person. Because I do think Vicky's ready to destroy her. And she's

easily destroyed.

With Brandy, we were all frustrated.

But then when she starts going off on people and telling people to shut the

up, then you defended her. I don't understand why Dorinda's giving Brandy a

pass. They must have some kind of agreement because Brandy's acting like

a**hole and Dorinda's absolutely fine with it.

I strangely feel like she is in a very bad place.

So I'm in this push and pull with her. And I am, too, as well. Yeah. And then I

also got you. And then I defended her and yelled at everybody else. Because I

also feel like Vicky is waiting for her to fuck up and she's going to go for

her. And I don't think Brandi. See, I don't believe that. I think so. I don't

think so. I feel like she's trying to steer clear of Brandi. And if Brandi

starts in, oh, my God, yes.

I think Joanne is projecting because that.

Vicki's style.

Vicki doesn't go after somebody for no reason. That's Dorinda's style. Who do

you have to know to get a glass of wine around here with?

Are you drinking? Wait, do we have to wear our masks in here? No, we're

drinking.

I know. I can't breathe in my mask. Yes, sir.

So, Vicki, there's a feeling that you want to pounce on Brandy. No, no, I'm

saying that she wants to. I think that. I don't want to. Yeah, I think that. You

want to take her down. That Brandy is going to bug you enough and bite at your

heels enough that when you do swoop, it's going to be hot. And she's not.

she's a stronger woman. You're much stronger. I said I kind of like get mad

her and yelled at her. Then I feel bad because she's very weak. But I don't

her saying that.

I am no intentions on causing problems with Brandy.

She picks a fight with me again, she's going to have to deal with me. I am,

like, up to here with her bullshit.

Let's go find the girls.

If I stay here, I'm going to drink wine, and then I'm going to want to go to

sleep, and then it's going to be done.

You guys stay. I'm going to go find the other girls.

You stay.

Where's the dispensary?

I think it's this way, guys.

Oh, I smell it. I smell it. I'm excited to go to the weed store.

I'm with the cannabis queen, Miss Eva. And who would have thought it would be

Great Barrington?

All right, are we ready?

Oh, boy.

Wow, this is nice.

I'm not particularly a smoker. Like, I'm not sitting around getting high. I'm

too much of a martini person.

It's kind of clearly who I am.

I have never really smoked pot. I mean, I've tried it. It makes me tired and

hungry. So there's absolutely no redeeming qualities in marijuana for me.

don't honestly go to weed shops. I really don't. Like, I've never bought a

in my life because people just give them to me.

Yes, I have a menu. I would love to learn about your hybrid, your Asaphic.

are the other girls?

I think they might be in another shop.

I think it's down here to the right or left.

Wait, are they all getting stoned?

I don't know. Who does drugs?

that were in this group. Nothing wrong with a little THC.

I'm just asking who does that.

I'm going to do two packs of those and then those gummies, the Sleepy Time with

the CBN.

I'm just naturally a little poopy by myself. I don't need any additives.

You know, I don't smoke all the stuff. I don't smoke anything but meat.

And the kind of meat you eat.

What are you doing? It's a party in here. Oh, my God. They have absolutely

everything. All right, I got to go out because I can't take the mask too long.

get too sleepy.

I know. Can we go outside? Let's go outside.

Oh, that's good. This is heaven on this side.

Well, I need it. Let's go.

That was great.

Thank you. All right, Eva, are you loaded up? Yes.

Oh, she's happy. It's going to be quite a pajama party today. It's going to be

such a good pajama party. All right, here's a car here and then a car up

Let's go have some lunch. I'm starving.

Thank you.

Hello, Marco.

Lunch is ready, so whenever you are.

Lunch time!

I'm really jealous of you guys going to that dispensary today. I got some extras

if you want some fun times. We're all going to Eva's room tonight. I think

a little bit of my famous cucumber bluestone and her cucumber salad. It's

traditional. Thank you.

Get in here now. Bill, there's some chicken that's coming.

You okay?

I'm tired. I don't feel good.

I'm like at five.

I don't know.

I've never had.

Vicky's energy, never great.

I feel like she's pulling herself.

Like this whole thing seems traumatic for her.

She's congested. I think maybe she should take a nap and not do the field

It feels like I'm getting on my head.

That's what I know. That's why we got to get you. Right, better.

We got to get her back.

I would not engage in that. I know, but I'm looking at her, and she's suffering.

Okay. Quiet.

Then we should not come.

But it wouldn't be terrible to take a few hours off, and maybe it'll make her

feel better, and she'll have a good night.

I don't know.

I'm the hostess of this place. I really planned it out for it to be a happy

experience. And it only takes, you know, one rotten apple to spoil the whole

barrel. So I don't think Jill needs to be engaged in this. I just think it

the fire.

So listen, we should let all the food digest.

So we need about 30 minutes and then we're going to have game day.

I'm going to be the referee. I expect you to be competitive, aggressive.

I expect you to get out there and pretend that it is the gladiators.

large and in charge. She's like the Girl Scout troop leader.

And so she wants all the Girl Scouts to participate in all of her activities.

So I don't think she gives a shit how Vicki's feeling.

I'm going to get up there.

Well, have fun playing games. I know, but I kind of feel like I want to take a

little nappy poo.

Oh, it looks so pretty.

You want to get under the, I know, I already know you want to get under the

thing. I'm going to get my ashtray.

Oh, we can get in the hammock later.

I fell off a hammock and really injured myself.

I'm sure you're going to make me fall off.

Make sure I have a mouth guard on, my teeth staying. Exactly.

I'm only going to do a couple and then I'll throw it back to you.

It just makes me hungry, though. I'm starving still. I told you you were

to get hungry again. I told you that. I don't smoke much, but I have smoked

much, if that makes sense.

I just haven't recently because I've had some... I knocked over a Christmas tree

or two.

Let's just say that.

I feel like I'm going to have you high until you go home. I love this space. I

love this. The problem is I can't get done because it really affects me. We're

on a girlfriend.

What are we getting done?

Well, I might have to try to exercise down there. Yeah, we're going to play

exercise down. It's not like we're just going to have a good time. Let Dorinda

blow her whistle.

This is not for fun. This is for winning.

I'm fine and having a great time until someone.

It's just being a bitch. And then it's just like, this isn't worse.

We're not doing that. Yeah, but we're going to use other words to describe. I

understand. Like if she's being condescending, if she's being

she's being mean, negative. Negative and rude at the table. Those are better

words to describe.

Yes, and condescending. No, it's very pointing, though. So it's not just, oh,

sorry, sorry. But it's like in your hair.

Is it a bee? No, it was a mosquito.

Oh, that's not good. No, I got it out. I got it out. And it jumped on me.

Listen, I'm trying to just be myself. Who you are is good, though. That's what

do want to get. That's my point. Who you are is fine. I feel like I'm being told

to be someone. No, be yourself. Be the person I'm not.

But be kind. I am a kind person. I'm so kind.

Honestly, it's so nice to have a friend that you didn't ask to help you. Eva is

just rad, and she loves me, and I love her, too.

All right, you ready to run and have fun?

I don't know if I should be running anymore. My run is going to be in slow

motion. I'm like, oh, my God. I just have to make sure I don't get hurt,

by hurting myself.

Yeah.

I'm just a little 34C. And I'm a heavy 34DD.

I'm not breathing right.

I think I have to go to the hospital.

Hey, Miki, it's me.

Hey. I'm just going to cure you back to life, is that okay?

Please do.

I'm just going to rub these on you. It's going to help you breathe a little bit,

okay? I feel like I'm doing really super shallow breaths, and then I feel like

I'm... What's it called when you breathe into a paper bag?

Hyperventilating? A little bit, yeah, because I'm so shallow.

If you're contagious, I'm going to kick your ass. I'm not contagious.

I don't have time for this.

Testing negative, and I wouldn't have come on the trip if I was contagious. My

doctor cleared me. Okay. Would you like some marijuana?

No.

Do I need to get a steroid shot? I do.

I'm not going with you. I can't go to another hospital with you.

Every single time I go on a trip with Vicki, she's either sick or she gets

and she ends up in the hospital.

We'll see you in two hours.

Every time we go somewhere, she's got to go to the urgent care. By the way, I

could tell at lunch, you don't look good.

And you have no energy.

I have no energy.

I know that. I think you need to, like, that's my opinion. But, you know, of

course, I don't want everyone mad at me.

Don't interfere.

But, you know, when you don't feel good, you don't. I'm a human.

You don't look like yourself.

I am ready.

Okay, girl.

Wait, are we doing the 80s today?

No, it's my referee outfit.

Oh, okay.

Okay, I need to get dressed. Who are you?

Are you sick?

Yeah, you know, I'm just exhausted. Like, I'm congested and I just feel

Actually, I feel like... That's not good.

I can see the old wreck here. I see it.

Jill, what are you doing? Just stay out of it. We don't need to belabor it. And

it's ruining another thing on my itinerary.

Follow the itinerary.

Vicki. Take the steroid shot. She's going to stay here. You're going to go

her. Yeah. You want to do that? Okay, I'll just get some clothes on. Yeah,

get some clothes on, and I'll drive you. So we're in there and out of there,

okay? Okay.

I feel bad for taking you away from me. Oh, you're fine.

Oh, Tamara came to play, too.

What?

You better go.

I mean, I want to just have fun.

I don't want to be Vicki's keeper on this trip because I'm meeting a lot of

friends. Vicki's got Nurse Monica.

I think she'll be fine.

Z -Pack, zero shots, I promise you, you'll be fine.

Will it give me a personality? I don't have a personality right now. I can

some of my personality with you.

I'm going to kick your ass in these games. Bring it on. It has already been

brought in, honey. Uh -oh. Let's go. Uh -oh. Let's go. Okay.

Okay. You can think. What?

You got a good sports box?

Those titties look big. I know. By the way, I just want you to know, this is

Jill and Allie.

Is it? For sure. She's always promoting. I am always. Jill is a walking QVC.

Every time I turn around, she's got some new product or service or something

that you can buy.

Oh, I love this rug.

Chill down.

You're all getting these when you go home. Whatever you want. I thought I had

lot of luggage. I can't even imagine how much she must have brought.

Oh, you're wearing the E .G. Smith socks.

Do you know I worked for that company? Of course you did.

Jesus Christ. I did work. Is there anything you haven't done?

I did. I worked for them.

I am so here for what Dorinda has planned.

I am a winner. I come from a long line of winners. If there's one person I

that might have a chance to beat me, it's Tamara Spadaz.

Like, she's fit as hell.

Why are you so fit, ma 'am?

I was made to be a referee.

Gather round.

The competition has begun.

That's right, bitches.

Let's give a moment of silence to Vicki. Getting better. She couldn't be with us

today. No.

But she can't be with us today.

But we're here.

So we have a beautiful little set of games here.

Field day activities involve housewife games. So you'll find peaches and apples

and diamonds. The first one who crosses the finish line gets this beautiful...

gift. There's a prize. I don't even care about the prize. I just want to win. I

just want to beat somebody.

In front of you, you see a set of balloons.

Pop your balloon and find the broken up sentence to form an iconic line from the

Housewives franchise.

You can then continue on to diamond mining.

In the pile, there's seven diamonds in a few boxes. All the boxes have rocks.

Except for the ones with the diamond. Wait, wait, wait, Marco.

She runs the manor, Marco.

Marco's getting a little too comfortable. He's now part of this

Let's move it back and let me do my thing. Most of the boxes are filled with

rocks, but there are seven diamonds.

Okay. But you just need to find one. I do believe the apples are next.

I know, Marco.

You need to shut the fuck up, bitch.

I think I might have a new bestie.

Okay, next one is find the golden apple in the sea of apples to continue on to

the next obstacle.

There's three shuttlecocks.

What? What's a shuttlecock?

That's when you hit the badminton, girl. Then from there, there's going to be a

pile of fresh oranges over there. You're going to have to squeeze them in the

juicer, fill the jar up to the line, and then, this is the best one, you jump in

your potato shack and you quickly finish the line.

I haven't done a relay race.

Since I was, I don't know, maybe knee -high to a grasshopper. If you have any

problems, Marco's going to be running around like a fool helping you out.

Okay, okay. On your mark, get set.

Money doesn't give you class.

Paige is trying.

Come on, Paige.

Don't let her get ahead of you.

Oh, my God.

Taylor's coming up.

Go in there, Taylor. I don't want to get old.

Don't want to get old.

Chills are flopping and flopping out of, and no one is helping each other. I

tripped.

That's human nature at its best.

Oh, my God. I can't get out of here.

I'm extremely competitive. Winners win. That's what they do.

My biggest competition today is going to be table camel toe.

I think it's got bite to it.

How we doing?

Come on, girls.

You got to get the diamond. I will rip.

these bitches apart to get to that diamond. But I can't find anything.

I can't find anything!

Faster, faster!

Oh, I got a diamond!

You got a diamond?

Oh, my God, it's rocks!

Go get your shovel, cock.

For hell, I'm horrible.

That counts, that counts, that counts!

Ah! Come juice!

Who's the juiciest? Let's do it!

I want to go to sleep.

Let's be honest, I never found the diamond. Even when I was on the show, I

still holding a cube of draconia.

There you go. Done. Take your container and see how much you got. Oh, now we're

on to the juicing.

No, you've got to find your gold apple, Tamara.

I did. Ah, my line.

These actual apples, like, I don't want to bruise them. I mean, even Brandy,

who's stoned up her ass right now, is doing better than me. Go figure.

This is f***ing bulls***.

Come on.

Fill it up. Once again, Eva is in the lead. Phaedra is in the close second. I

think I just got a splinter.

We've got Taylor. coming up fast, and Jill's got her own technique. Oh, there

she goes.

No! No.

Rucksack.

And... Go!

Yay! Yay!

Oh, we have a winner.

I just won.

I just won. I just won.

I like the way you roll.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

Put your juice down.

Wait, are we done?

You guys.

You lost.

This is the only winner here.

Okay. You lost.

Let her run. Let her run. Let her run. Let her run. Listen, how's your carry?

Listen. I wanted to win.

I'm the athletic one. I think I came in last. I'm not sure.

You guys did a good job. I was very impressed.

Thank you. Yeah,

I'm eating my hair.

I tell you, that was fun.

What do we get?

Peach Bellini.

It's cute.

You okay?

Don't open this Coke right away.

I just dropped it.

Have the other one. Is that wine?

It's not.

It's champagne.

Oh, Lord.

I should have known.

Hey, listen.

Listen. When you win, then you can dictate what happens. As long as I'm out

here. She was not about to lose. Man, you did.

You did.

I'm proud of you. I really just wanted to be Tamara, though.

Did you guys notice that without Vicki here, Tamara's a much kinder, nicer,

outgoing? Whenever I talk to her, usually it's away from Vicki. She's

nice. Yeah.

She was like, how's she getting me a hug? She's been cool with Vicki for me.

Now, what she's saying is that was Vicki, was Tamara cooler now? She's been

cooler. Well, to me, she was.

I'm not gauging a difference. I think it was the game.

Oh!

I know maybe before and after she came over to me and she was being really

What did I do?

I think you're so fun when you're not with Vicky.

I'm fun all the time.

When have I not been fun?

I mean, when you were yelling at me.

I'm very polite. I know how to run.

Yeah, but you can't be polite. You just need to shut the up.

Y 'all love slamming stuff on the table. I do.

Y 'all do that shit in Atlanta.

I hear that a lot, that I'm more fun without Vicky. I feel like when I'm with

Vicky, she did a lot of work.

Like, come on. Step it up. Let's have fun. The girls are saying, I'm more fun

without you. You're bringing me down.

What time is lasagna? Oh, my God. Lasagna.

Don't bring your lasagna. It's a competition.

Oh, Lord.

You have to win a competition.

Step it. I win.

Competition, baby.

Oh, is this going to be?

Well.

I'm going to cook a little bit of it and test it because I think it sat out of

the kitchen for a really long time.

Today?

Oh, like overnight possibly.

Oh, I feel like things are simmering down between Brandy and myself. But now

concerned she might be trying to poison me with raw meat.

All right, well, I'm looking forward to this competition.

All right, have fun. Get busy, Betty.

It's like a proper Ziploc. I don't want to waste this.

Oh,

man down.

No, what did you do to me?

I think I still might be a little bit high.

No, I really don't cook better.

Is that Julia Childs? She kind of talks like that, right?

Yeah. No, I definitely cook better sober.

Oh, shit. Someone's got my feed.

Someone's got my feed.

It needs more tomatoes and it needs to boil.

Oh, a bit longer.

Ouch, I hurt.

Oh, I'm so sick.

Amazing. We have some issues here.

She's ripping all this out.

She's redoing the whole pool area.

It needs a little maintenance.

Oh, my God, did a bug bite you on your boob?

That's some, oh, that is a bug. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, a bug is biting you on your breath.

Why is, is she using my, this is mine.

There was plenty. There was extra boxes.

No, that's not true. She totally went through my stuff.

This is insane. I had a giant block of cheese.

That celery is mine. You guys are tripping.

It's a competition.

Where is she cooking hers?

Hers is resting right now. Oh.

I was like, she's going to cook it. I insist that she did it herself. I saw

When you guys were done with the competition, she came back. There's

working here, and they helped her.

Okay, make sure that's not boiling. You want it to be simmering. Oh, it's

simmering. Okay.

Who thought of you?

I'm just trying to be real here. I'm kidding.

I'm just joking.

Let me see hers. What does that mean?

Yeah,

she knows what she's doing.

She's putting the seal on it.

Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I'm just joking.

What's the secret to your lasagna?

The secret to my lasagna is being able to be home to cook it and not have three

chefs to do it for me. Sir?

I put a sheet pan under it because it's very saucy, so it might boil over.

I need to cook it, like, for 30 minutes.

Let's set a timer. Do you mind? Yeah.

Mark, look at you.

Got this? All right. I will go and change my clothes, not my impersonality.

I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking solution.

Hi, honey.

I'm home.

You're back.

What happened?

I have a sinus infection.

I have to get on antibiotics. I just got a steroid shot in my butt.

So you're going to live, right?

I'll be fine.

So you have a sinus infection.

She's just dramatic. That's who Vicki is.

Well, you missed some fun stuff.

Tell me about it.

Brandy said I'm more fun without you.

Brandy said you're more fun without me? Mm -hmm.

That's stupid.

That you hold me back. Oh, please.

I do a lot of things, but holding him back is not one of them.

She's just trying to divide. That's fine. I'm not playing her game.

Okay. Or, Andy, you think Tamara's more fun when I'm not around. Well, I am not

a fun bus right now, but I do want to whoop it up. I want to figure out a way

whoop it up. Cocktail hour is in an hour and a half. Oh, God. Are you going to

be able to do that?

Yes. Wait, you feel better?

No. I'll be able to, like, sleep for an hour.

I love being a bitch. I didn't know.

All right, I'm going to go upstairs.

I'm going to get my soda.

Knock, knock.

Hey, gorgeous.

Hey, girl. How are you? Good. I'm so sorry. I didn't even notice you texted

It's okay.

No, no, I brought you just some sugar. Thank you. Yes. Because I didn't have

actual Coke.

So I want like two total braids here.

Two? Yeah, just two.

What did you call them?

Braids. Is that what they're called?

Yeah. You call them total braids?

Who?

Hi, baby.

I was just calling to check in with you. Brandy wants, what do you want?

I wanted two corn rolls.

You need two corn rolls? No, I didn't want corn rolls. What's total, Brandy?

I was just checking in, baby, before I went to dinner. It's Saturday, so I'm

going to have some drinks. I was just calling before I lay down. Hi, baby.

Daddy. Hi, husband.

This is Brandy. Brandy, this is Michael.

Hi, Michael.

I'm about to braid her hair. I don't know.

I love her. She literally gets me, and most people don't.

All right, baby. Well, let me braid her hair so that I'm not late. We're a part

of the cookout, and the cookout's always there.

The cookout crew is always people that are cool enough to come to the cookout

because they know how to just relax and have fun, no judgment. And so the

cookout crew is me, Eva, and Brandi because we can fit in anywhere.

All right, baby. I love you. You look yummy.

Do you want your hair braided or no?

Yeah, I just want... the two cute little braids, like right there. Like a French

braid? Yeah.

We're going to call a spade a spade. You do what you want to do. I did not have

time to do my makeup.

Well, you're giving me lesbian eyebrows.

What?

Listen.

She can tell by your eyebrows. I can.

Oh, Lord.

Get your mind out.

How's it look?

It smells so good.

Is she kidding me? I feel like I'm at a bomb as fuck.

Cupcakes that sit out without covers, I don't believe in that much.

Don't eat it. Believe it? You don't believe it? What?

Okay, I want you guys to taste the sauce.

Are you wearing a robe?

No, I'm wearing this. Let's go.

I'm wearing a robe.

Oh, my. First of all, these pajamas, J .Crew, I'm buying 10 pair. I love the

gift that Dorinda gave us. I love that we're all in the same outfit. To me,

is like camp, and I love it.

So this is my sauce.

Oh, Lord.

I'm glad you feel better.

Yeah, thank God. I was like dying.

Where is my martini?

You're like a whole new person. I know. I'm telling you. I was like dying.

I feel like I think you're so iconic and legendary and I don't want to fight

with you, but even fighting with you, I'm like, oh my God, she hates me. No, I

don't hate you. I hate fighting.

I don't like it either, but I can't help it.

I know, but I don't want, that's not, well, I didn't mean to, I did.

No, but I'm just saying, I am very reactionary. Like I can't.

Yeah.

I just had to learn your personality because I'm... Okay.

I just want to say this. Yeah. You are not allowed to talk to me that way. You

are never allowed to say something up to me ever because I would never say to

you, you, you, you, you. I would never say that to a woman. It's just part of

lingo. I grew up in a different... I don't care what you're an adult now. But

I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear.

No, I want to tell you what I'm going to hear is you're not going to say that to

me. No, I can't tell you that. But I'm not... Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay.

But I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear.

No, I want to tell you what I'm going to hear is you're not going to say that to

me. No, I can't tell you that. Okay, okay, okay.

It sounds like Brandy might be trying to apologize, but we know that's not at

the core of her being.

I have to tell it like it is. Come on, Brandy, you can do it. Please apologize

so that we can move on and have a great time.

What I can tell you, though, is I will do my best to not speak to you in that

way. Thank you. Thank you.

I am so proud of Brandy. I appreciate the fact that she womaned up and told

Vicky, I'm sorry.

And the honesty about the fact that you might get another you coming at you. I'm

just letting you know. It might happen, but I'm going to try.

Okay, okay.

I feel like mine right now is going to fall apart. Mine's good.

Yours should be good. Yours has been out for a while.

My lasagna is a work of art.

Firm, gorgeously presented, perfectly baked.

I think a little crushed red pepper makes everything great. And then I use a

mild sweet sausage. It's just, I don't know, it's magic. My lasagna is magic.

If mine's a Monet, hers is like a Basquiat.

It's a little bit disorganized and a little soupy, may I say.

Wait, so we're supposed to take one of each?

You don't have to eat it all. Just try them both. I'll eat it all. Are you

kidding me?

There's a little more saucey.

Who's next?

Eva? I didn't know lasagna and fingers were on the menu tonight because Dorinda

is in my lasagna. My hands are clean, okay? I washed them constantly. Yeah,

I think you're clean.

That's a good sauce.

The licking of the finger.

We not, ooh.

I'll serve, I'll serve. Dorinda has a problem fingering food.

Let me show you like a good New Englander, okay?

I will say that yours is much warmer than mine, and I was still, I was

mine rest, so mine's a spicy cold one.

This spicy cold one?

Yeah. Yours is cheesy, yummy.

I make mine with strained cottage cheese.

And then I freeze it for like 20 minutes, just to really firm it up. Then

it in the refrigerator for an hour.

Then I bake it.

Now that's a little time.

Show them how to do it, girl.

And yours almost has like a Spanish.

I don't know. Maybe it's just the spice. I don't know. It's so good.

Phaedra said earlier, I said it's a little spicy, and she said, no, it's

I like it. I don't think it is. I mean, it's a little tiny bit spicy, but it's

very good.

It's a good spice. I think it's down the middle.

Straight down the middle. What do you put down the middle?

Tabasco? No. Oh, no. Crushed red peppers, I told you before. Oh, that's

Lemon juice, Cabernet, all of these things are so good.

Wait a second, you put lemon juice and cabernet in that? Wait, I was just about

to say lemon juice? You need acid in your sauce, yeah.

In the sauce.

Yes, and celery.

Celery? Wow, what thing go into this?

Where's your recipe come from? We ain't putting any celery in our Italian

recipe. You're right.

Cabernet and lemon.

I think my great -grandmother just rolled over lemon. And you have to,

that out with sugar and lemon juice. Oh, God. No, no, no.

Everybody knows that if there's going to be a mystery ingredient in a dish,

the white lady's going to put it in there.

How about school whip? That's what I want.

I wouldn't throw stones at glass houses. I don't think Dorinda's lasagna is that

good either. I'm just saying.

My only question is, how much do you not be making fun of my new best friend?

You're our new best friend.

Nikki, I have to tell you, you went to the hospital and they bonded.

We did.

Now me and Granny are sleeping together.

I honestly think that Dorinda wins.

Honestly,

it's better than mine. I think they're both so different.

I'm not a Michelin star chef, but Brandy's lasagna is interesting.

I'm not going to say one was better than the other. I think they both were

really good. I think Brandy's lasagna is delicious.

The sauce is amazing.

I'm a saucy type of girl. No one went back for seconds on Brandy's lasagna.

Brandy, I love you. You know I do.

I don't know what this is. It's not lasagna, okay? It's an enchilada pie.

I have to say, both of them were a little cold, and they weren't that good.

sorry. Brandi, mine's not cold. Mine is hot.

I love you. By the way, I would have liked to have participated. Nobody asked

me. I'm the best cook.

Okay, wait. You guys?

Question? Go ahead. I have, I brought some games.

Oh. Are you guys into it?

Well, I have one game called Confession Day. Oh, Lord.

Let's do it.

Ideally, I just want everyone to have fun. We are on vacation.

So I want to bring out the inappropriateness a little bit. Have

have fun and laugh.

Listen,

when it's game time and Brandy is in charge, you can absolutely expect us.

You have to choke a little bit just to make them feel good.

Even if it's timing?

What the hell?

But what we're doing is, girls, it's all penises all of the time.

Get a little penis.

I mean, I'm more of like a Monopoly Trivial Pursuit kind of person.

Now, what are those two small things below that long thing?

Little baby balls.

They're shuttlecocks.

Shuttlecocks, shuttlecocks. And then you have to do a fall.

All right, so let's go. So why did you put a thumb there?

In the butthole?

Oh, all the way there. No, leave my ass alone. You guys don't like any ass play?

Once in a while. That's called the whoopsie.

Please, God, I pray to you, never have someone ask me to ass play. I've managed

to get to 58 years old where no one said the word ass play to me. So you guys

are going to throw... Rings around your penis. Yes, rings.

Whoever gets the... This is the first thing that's ever happened in the

Bluestone Manor before. No, we haven't had a...

We throw yet.

There's a first for everything.

Okay, there's going to be two teams, okay?

Now, each one of you has to pick a... Pick a one.

I want the darker one. Meaning, like, you wear the belt.

All right, Jill, stay still. Jill.

I am trying my best to loosen up with these girls and

have fun, so if I have to throw a ring on a deck, I will. Go! Woo!

I can't get the deck. I can't get dick.

I take the dick. Okay,

okay,

okay. I've been married for seven years. Whoever gets three first wins.

Everyone is starting to have a little fun, and it seems to be

breaking down some of the barriers. I'm going to actually give credit to Brandy

for one.

Let's start the confessions game.

Yes! That's a good one.

Yeah, get ready.

Yeah, let's go. So what you do is you roll the dice. Throw the dice. So if you

land on career, you have to take a card from career, read it, and then answer

it. Okay. Bajor, you're up. You on the die.

Me on the die!

Say die.

Bajor's the die. Come on, Bajor. Career.

Career. What could you have done with a bit more luck and encouragement?

That's a good one. That's a great question. Maybe be a professional

You're a lawyer.

Phaedra absolutely has cheer caps in essence. Oh, my goodness. And she's

to say the prayer before we go out there and do the game, too. So, yeah, Phaedra

will be a cheerleader.

Chemistry. What is that?

Relationships. Okay. That is right here. Okay.

What are the worst sides of your partner?

The worst side of my partner. Oh boy. The worst part is butthole because he

farts a lot. You know what that mother Okay,

Jill

What disappoints you about your father?

Oh, my God. Oh, that's mean.

I would pass. Well,

it looks like the blue balls have appeared. We just went from happy dicks

ding dong.

What disappoints me about my father? Jill?

National television.

National television.

There's nothing that disappoints my father.

What's that mean, national television?

That's good. Everything we're saying here is going to be on. I wouldn't want

hurt my father's feelings.

I know this is a news thing. We've all been on reality TV.

She's just trying to help me.

Don't kill her. She's trying to remind me that I'm not to say something wrong.

Listen.

Listen. No, but you would never say anything bad.

Nothing bad, but I'm trying to look for something.

Don't go to the dark.

Well, if this is not going to be fun, let's stop it. Yeah, let's go. Yeah,

get off the nailings again. No, no, no, we're good. I'm going to go in the other

room. I don't want to turn this into like a battleground. It just wants to be

fun. Dorinda definitely is about drama.

I don't know if this is real Dorinda or if she's just trying to like make her

mark, like piss on all of us, like this is my house, I'm going to storm out,

like lifting her leg all the time.

It could be, what do I hate about my dad? The fact that he's getting older

he used to be.

Maybe to you, because you may run your life like that, but this is a game.

This is a game.

Thank God Brandy stopped me. How could Dorinda be mad at Brandy for making me

stop? It's probably because if you don't do what Dorinda wants, Dorinda's going

after you.

The end.

Because you may run your life like that, but this is a game.

This is a game. I know Jill.

No, you don't. I know Jill. I've known Jill for over 20 years, okay? So I know

Jill. She would never say anything bad about it. Well, she was about to.

Okay, but you know what?

Then you know what, Brandy? You run the game. You get a game. We're going to

play. Because I particularly don't like put the ring on the dick. I told you I

had a problem with dick.

Because this is a game.

You're being negative.

I just looked at the time, and I realized we haven't had a blow -up

So, one should be coming in three, two, Dorinda.

The Dornado.

Let's go.

No, Vicki. Stop. Let me do this. Okay. Because I want to know where we go wrong

here. No, because you're being a dad. No.

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

Face of an angel, mouth of a serpent. Here we go. What? Face of an angel,

of a serpent.

That's okay.

Let's just all laugh it off.

I'm so confused right now because Jorinda is coming after me for no

her way or the highway, and I don't subscribe to that. I'm sorry.

Let's ask a fun question here, okay? All right. Eva, come on. Okay. Let's go.

All right. Woo!

Relationship. Where is it?

I don't want to play with this card. All right, let's see.

What about you does your partner not understand?

The part about being a woman and that, like, we have hormones, and so it's not

always, like, linear.

Period! Period!

Period! Period!

Okay, we got it. Period. We got it. We got it. We got it. Got it. No, but he

loves you. Like...

FaceTime earlier tonight, he is so obsessed with you. He was, like, taking

of all of your supermodel babies.

And then he came on, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I thought it was going to be a

mangina, and he wasn't. What's a mangina? What the fuck is a mangina?

out. What is a mangina? What do you mean, figure it out? What's a mangina?

No, but he wasn't. He was, like, so hot. What is a mangina?

Mangina.

When will Brandy learn?

Oh, Lord. I'm not sure if she's twisted or if she's being funny, but

Brandy is getting ready to lose her invite to the cookout.

What is a mangina?

Thinking she was, like, a pussy.

No,

no, no, no, no. That's not what I said.

I said, like, I saw it. I said, when I saw him, I was like, wait, what?

And he's so hot.

All that's all.

Okay, just let's talk.

Yeah,

but I don't know about the mangina.

No, I wasn't talking about him.

I'm going to go 99, take a bath, put a mask on, put my hair up. So I love you

all. It's been wonderful. I think that's a great idea because you had a long

day. We're going to have a long day tomorrow, and Vicki doesn't want to go

the hospital.

So the one thing the doctor said is sleep, sleep, sleep. So I'm going to do

that. You had a fun time tonight, Chris. Thank you for playing.

I'm not going to completely blow up because her lack of self -control

contribute to mine. This is Brandi.

She's done this a million times since we've been here and we've not even been

here for a week.

You know what? Don't even listen to that because she doesn't know what she's

saying. Listen.

That's my husband.

For me, I have certain off limits.

Agree 100%. Don't do that. I don't even know what a mangina is. It does not

sound good. No.

What the hell are you talking about? What's a mangina?

It's half the men I've dated.

Like, I'm in charge of them. They have vaginas and not dicks. I don't think

Brandy was making much sense.

I know.

It's so weird.

You gotta, you gotta believe.

Yeah, yeah. She just can't hold it together at night.

I just, you know, don't want to blow up in your home.

Brandy knows she crossed the line. But she needs to know.

That this will be the only and last time she does any kind of shit like that

with me. Leave my husband and my kids out of it, and we can actually not even

talk about them. You play your reindeer games outside of Christmas with

everybody else, but ho, ho, ho. Well, I'm the one your mama warned you about.

Don't do me.

What a great night.

What a great night.

Ethan here?

Uh -uh. It's Tamara. Getting ready for bed. Okay.

Like, I thought tonight was great. Do you think that?

Tamara,

I'm choking on my pill.

What? What do you mean, Hilah?

Oh, ow!

That hurt my boob. Are you choking?

I was choking. You got it.

Oh, my boob.

Oh, my God, that scared me. What if you were here to save my life?

What were you choking on? My big horse pill. Don't hit him.

I couldn't sit down. You saved my life.

I did. I broke my tits.

Oh, my God. I thought Jesus. I was like, I'm going to heaven.