Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Chris.

I was looking through our old family photograph album

and I came across this picture of my father.

It was taken about 1901.

He was quite a football player.

Back in those days, the colleges and fraternities

tried in every way possible to entice outstanding athletes

into their ranks.

Of course, the methods used nowadays

are a little more subtle, but the end result is the same.

The outstanding athlete is still a much sought-after prize

during the fraternity rush season.

And that's what our story is about tonight.

It's called the "Fraternity Rush Party."

David directed this one.

We figured his experience with this sort of thing

is a little more recent than mine.

Oh, here's another football player.

Know who this is?

This is Ricky.

I don't know how old he was, but he sure looks tough, boy.

Where do you want to sit?

Why don't we grab a booth?

There's one over there.

- Hello there, boys. - Hi.

You fellas know my son, Kelly, don't you?

Sure. Hi, Kelly.

Hi, Rick.

Betcha I know the handshake.

Well, that's close, but not quite.

What's this?

Well, Kelly's been trying to learn our fraternity handshake.

Don't worry, Kelly.

As soon as you're old enough, we'll pledge you.

Yeah, that is if you're a straight-A student and a good

athlete.

Well, there's plenty of time to decide that.

We'll see you later, boys.

So long.

Good bye.

Somehow I have a feeling that Dean isn't too

enthusiastic about our house.

What'll it be, fellas?

I think I'll have a chocolate malt.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Just so I don't complicate your life too much,

Jack, I'll take the same.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

Hey, you guys. Hey, button your sweater.

Sit up straight.

For Gods sake, Rick, comb your hair.

- What's this all about? - Relax, will you?

Relax? How can I relax?

You guys are a mess. Cut it out, will ya, Wally?

What's going on?

Dink's coming in with Frank Campbell.

Frank Campbell? Who's he?

Yeah, we grabbed him at the bus stop.

Calm down, will you? You're not making any sense.

Yeah, who's Frank Campbell?

He's the hottest prospect our fraternity has had in years.

If we can pledge this guy, we've got it made.

What's so special about him?

He's probably got a lot of money

or Wally wouldn't be interested in him.

Well, you shouldn't hold it against the guy

because his folks have a house at the lake and a speedboat.

Not only that, he's a straight-A student,

president of his class, and Captain of the football team.

No kidding.

Where'd you hear about him?

Well, that's the great part about it.

We grabbed him right out from under the betas' noses.

I heard him talking and they were going

to meet him at the bus stop. But we beat them to it.

Good thinking, Wally. Hey, here they come.

- Hi, fellas. - Hi.

Fellas, I'd like you to meet Frank Campbell.

These are my fraternity brothers, Rick Nelson.

- Hi, Frank. - Sean Morgan.

- Frank, how are you? - Greg Dawson.

- Hi. - And you know Wally Plumstead.

Yeah. How are you, Frank?

Sit down.

Thanks.

I thought I was supposed to be at the beta's.

- The beta's? - Hey, fellas.

The betas.

Hi, fellas.

Here you are, Frank.

It's on me.

Well, thanks a lot for showing me around the campus, fellas.

- It's been a pleasure. - Oh, wait a minute.

You're not leaving yet.

We've only just started the tour.

I really have to be going.

Well, OK.

But remember, we're going to be in touch with you.

OK. Well, thanks again, fellas.

Oh, wait a minute. Do you have a ride home?

That's OK. I'll take the bus.

The bus?

Oh, we can't let one of our fraternity brothers

take the bus.

Well, not exactly a fraternity brother.

Not yet, anyway.

Greg, why don't you drive Frank home?

Well--

You'd like to, wouldn't you?

I'll be seeing you again, fellas.

So long, Frank.

I can't drive him home.

I don't have a car.

What about your car?

Chris has it.

Mine's out of gas.

Well, how'd you deadbeats get in the fraternity, anyway?

What about your car?

Well, OK.

Whatever you do, don't back up.

There's no reverse.

Frank seems like a real nice guy.

Yeah, he sure does.

I doubt if we'll be able to get him, though.

- Why not? - Well, let's face it.

We don't have as much to offer as some

of the other fraternities.

Oh, I don't know.

We got a very nice, congenial bunch of guys.

We got a brand new water heater.

Yeah, the biggest mortgage on the campus,

the oldest furniture. Please.

Those are antiques.

A questionable grade average, an empty scrapbook

to go with our empty trophy case.

Hey, why don't we get the jump on the other fraternities

and throw a big rush party for Frank tonight?

Because it's illegal.

We're not supposed to throw any rush parties till next week.

That's right.

I doubt if the Dean's office would appreciate it.

How's he ever going to find out about it?

Find out about what?

Oh, Dean Hopkins.

Fancy meeting you.

Oh, you boys.

What for?

We haven't done anything yet.

Well, there's a seminar tonight on farm subsidies

and the effect on our overall economy.

Oh, doggone it.

I'm afraid I'm going to have a splitting headache.

No, no. You don't have to attend, I do.

Oh, well in that case, would you

like to borrow my splitting headache?

Oh, this is a must for me.

The thing is, the seminar is up in Harpersville,

and my wife and I plan to go up and spend the night.

But now our babysitter has had to cancel out,

and we don't have anybody to sit with Kelly.

Say, that's even better than a splitting headache.

Plumstead, I want to go to the seminar.

Oh.

And I thought maybe one of you fellas would like to baby

sit with Kelly.

It's a nice way to get in good with the Dean, you know.

How about it, Rick?

He seems to be particularly fond of you.

If you and your wife would agree,

we'd pay the usual rates.

Oh, well, don't worry about that.

We'd be glad to take care of him.

Well, that's very nice.

We certainly appreciate it.

I'll get in touch with you a little later in the day.

- Yes, sir. - Goodbye, boys.

- Bye. - Bye, Dean.

Well, looks like you've got yourself a houseguest.

Well, what else could I say?

Besides, Kelly's a nice little guy.

Yeah, he is.

I better go call Chris.

- You back already? - I'm lucky to be back at all.

Your whole transmission fell out.

My transmission fell out?

Yeah, but don't worry about it.

It happened right in front of the bus stop.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

I tried to call you a little while ago.

Oh, I was probably at the market.

Oh.

Well, there's something I have to tell you.

I hope you won't mind, but there was nothing else

I could do about it.

I kind of got trapped into it.

Hey, what are you doing?

Making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

For dinner?

- Hi, Rick. - Oh, hi Kelly.

I didn't know you were over here.

Here you go, Kelly.

Half now and half if you finish all your dinner.

Thank you.

Why don't you take it into the other room

and watch television?

OK.

I didn't think he was going to arrive so soon.

That's nothing.

I didn't think he was going to arrive at all

Well, I called you as soon as I could.

That's OK.

But I must have had a pretty funny look on my face

when the Dean showed up at the door and said here he is.

Well, I don't think he'll be any trouble.

Oh, I know.

He's a nice little guy. Hey, what are you doing?

I'm going to answer the phone.

Hello? Is Rick there?

Yeah. Hi, Wally.

Oh, hi. Hey, listen.

We've decided to have a little party over at the fraternity

tonight and we want you and Chris to come along.

We can't come to any party.

We're babysitting tonight, don't you remember?

Oh, yeah.

Forgot all about that. Hey, listen.

I have an idea. Why don't you bring him along?

Are you kidding?

Bring a six-year-old boy to a fraternity party?

Are we going to the fraternity?

Oh, no. I don't think so.

Oh, gee. Why not?

I want to go.

Oh, just a second, Kelly.

I just don't think it would be a good idea.

But you and Chris have to come over.

Why don't you get a sitter?

We are the sitters.

Oh.

Well, then, why don't you get a sitter-sitter?

Hey, what happened to the other half of my sandwich?

Oh, I'll fix you another one, Kelly.

Another what?

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Are you sure this isn't a wrong number?

Look, I'll call you later, Wally.

No, don't bother calling. Just come on over.

And bring those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

We're a little short on refreshments.

Wally?

What was that all about?

There's some deal going on at the fraternity house

and he wants us to come over there.

Let's go.

Oh, not now, Kelly.

You have to go to bed.

- I haven't even had my dinner. - Not now.

I mean, after dinner.

Say, has Rick seen your new camera, yet?

I don't think so.

Why don't you get it and show it to him?

OK.

It's too bad, in a way.

I'd kind of like to go to the party.

Well, yeah.

I don't suppose it'd be right to call a sitter, though.

Do you? Well, it depends.

Maybe we could get Dave and June?

Or Mom and Pop.

They know Kelly pretty well.

Why don't you try them?

I think I will.

Here's my camera.

- Hello? - Hi.

Say, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?

What is it?

Well, I was just wondering if you'd mind--

Just a second.

Sorry.

What was it?

Well, see, the guys at the fraternity called--

Just a second.

Now, what was it, again?

Oh, it was nothing important.

I just wanted to call and tell you to take care of yourself.

Oh.

Thanks.

OK, I'll see you.

What did Dave say?

Well, not much.

Sounds like he's got a pretty bad cold.

Oh, that's a shame.

I think I'll call Mom and Pop.

Good luck.

I got it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Rick. How are you?

Oh, fine, thanks.

I just wondered if you'd do us a favor.

I guess so. We'll try.

What is it?

Well, little Kelly Hopkins is supposed to stay overnight

with us tonight.

Oh, he's a nice little guy.

Yeah, but something came up over at the fraternity.

We'd like to run over there for a few hours.

We were wondering whether you and Mom could

come over and babysit for us.

Oh, well, yeah.

I guess so.

Just a second, I'll check with your mother.

I just came in.

Harriet?

Happy anniversary, dear.

Uh-- oh-- happy anniversary.

Don't go away.

I'll be right back.

Rick, I'm afraid I can't make it.

There's something here I seem to have forgotten.

I'll talk to you later.

No luck, huh?

No, I'm afraid not.

Something's going on at Mom and Pop's.

Oh, of course. It's their anniversary.

Today?

Yeah, we sent them a wire.

Oh, that was nice of us.

Hey, Rick.

I'll bet that's a good one.

When are we going?

You mean over to the fraternity?

Yeah.

Well, I know you'd like to see it,

but I just don't think it would be a very good idea.

Why not?

I could go to sleep in one of the rooms.

You know, maybe he could at that.

Sure, I can go to sleep anyplace.

See?

Just like that.

Well, do you think his mom and dad would mind?

No, I don't think so.

Heck, no.

My dad talks about your fraternity all the time.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Well, what do you think?

All those in favor say aye.

Aye.

I think it'd be OK.

Gee, thanks.

But you got to be a good boy and promise

to go to sleep right away. Oh, sure.

I'm tired already.

Tired and hungry.

Oh, my gosh.

Dinner.

Here you are, Frank.

This is the famous blue moose, which is in our possession.

Yeah, we stole him from the betas.

Yes, sir. We won it fair and square.

Well, anyway, we won it.

- Hey, Wally? - Oh, just a second.

Say, Dink, take Frank over and show him the trophy case,

will you? Trophy case?

How can I?

Oh, we sent it out to be enlarged.

Well, then show them the punch bowl or something.

Right this way, Frank.

Hey, Wally.

What's the matter?

Well, don't you think we ought to keep things

a little quieter? What for?

Well, this looks like a rush party to me,

and you know we're not supposed to have one.

Relax. This isn't a rush party.

It's just a social gathering.

Yeah, a social gathering to put the rush on this guy.

What if it is, which it isn't.

I happen to have found a technicality, which

will make it legal.

I suppose you can explain it to the Dean.

That's just the beautiful part.

We don't have to. The Dean is out of town.

His wife is with him.

Even his little boy is over at Rick's house.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

This sure is a nice room.

Yeah, it is pretty nice.

This used to be my room.

Now remember, you promised to go right to sleep.

OK, I sure didn't get to see much of the house, though.

Well, you can see the rest some other time.

Well, yeah.

Your dad could bring you over here some afternoon.

Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure. - You guys go ahead.

I'll be right with you. OK.

Good night, Kelly.

Good night.

Good night, Kelly.

Good night.

You know, this is the first time I've ever

been in a fraternity house in my whole life.

Well, it's pretty much like other houses,

maybe a little bigger.

Why didn't you tell me this was going to be a rush party?

Will you stop worrying? You're as bad as the other guys.

I looked up the rules, and we're in the clear.

Yeah, as long as nobody finds out.

Will you listen, please?

Now according to the rules, we're allowed four rush parties

each year, right?

Yeah, but they're not supposed to start until next week.

No, you're talking about this year's rush party.

Now just stop and think a moment.

How many rush parties did we give last year?

Three, right?

So therefore, we've got one coming to us.

Come on, will you?

Oh, that's right.

We're not early, we're just a little late.

You don't really think the Dean's going to fall for that,

do you?

Shh.

He's almost asleep. Well, you better wake him up.

We're leaving. We're leaving?

How come? No, no.

He's just a little upset.

I keep telling you, it's perfectly legal.

Well, what about Kelly in there?

Oh, he'll probably sleep through the whole thing.

Believe me, the Dean will never find out about it.

I thought you just said it was legal.

Well, yeah.

But there's no sense in making a test case out of it.

Shh.

Shh.

I walk in a crowd, hiding

tears I can't cry out loud.

I can't let them see me cry.

They don't care if I live or die.

And it's a mean, old world.

Let me tell you, it's a mean, old world

when you need someone.

I sit in my room.

It's a room filled with gloom.

I sit and wait by the telephone, but no one

cares if I'm all alone.

And it's a mean, old world.

Let me tell you, it's a mean, old world

when you need someone.

Sometimes my friends don't understand me.

Sometimes they can be so cruel.

All I hope is someday I find someone

to love my whole life through.

I walk down the street, hide my face from the people I meet.

They don't see the tears in my eyes.

They don't care or even realize that it's a mean, old world.

Let me tell you it's a mean, old world when you need someone.

It's a mean, old world.

when you need someone.

Oh, it's a mean, old world.

Babe, I need someone.

It's a mean, old world.

I need someone.

- Not bad, huh? - That was great.

Oh, we have a very talented fraternity here.

- Has he seen the blue moose? - Of course.

Would you like to meet some of the guys in the football team?

Sure.

Charlie Britt, Kent McWhorter, this is Frank Campbell.

- Hi, Frank. - How are you?

Frank here was quite a boy in high school.

Oh, not really.

Say something to him in football, Charlie.

43, 22, hike.

I'm sure he's all right, I just looked

in on him a few minutes ago.

I know, but he's our responsibility.

Oh, pardon me.

Frank, have you seen our blue moose?

Oh, yeah, I've already seen it, thanks.

I wonder how Frank's coming along.

Well, he's danced almost every dance

and I think they're taking him on the blue moose tour again.

- He seems like a real nice guy. - Yeah.

Think we should check up on Kelly?

Well, whatever you say.

- What are you doing down here? - I couldn't sleep.

You're supposed to be in bed.

I just wanted to see the party for a couple of minutes.

Come on, now.

Back upstairs to bed.

Won't you take my picture first?

Go ahead, Rick.

Well, OK.

Then you have to go upstairs to bed.

Hey, are you guys crazy? He shouldn't be down here.

I'm just going to take one picture of him,

then he has to go upstairs.

Here, give him one of these hats.

Come on, you guys.

Everybody get in the picture.

OK, now.

Everybody smile.

All set?

Let me take one more just to make sure.

OK, ready?

Gee, thanks, Rick.

Oh, that's OK.

What will we do next?

We go upstairs to bed, that's what we do.

Up we go, Kelly.

Night everybody.

Good night.

Good night, Kelly.

I'll bet that little son of a gun hasn't been to sleep yet.

I hope Dean Hopkins doesn't get too upset about this.

Why should he be?

We're supposed to be taking care of him tonight, remember?

We are taking care of him.

Well, it certainly isn't going to look like it when

his father sees that picture.

Yeah, especially if he sees that clock on the wall.

2:00 in the morning.

2:00?

It's only about 10:30.

Yeah, that clock doesn't work.

Oh, we all know it, but it might not

look like that to the Dean.

Wait a second.

We're laughing about this, but maybe we

ought to get a hold of that picture.

Oh, relax, Rick.

Where's your sense of humor? Oh, hiya, Frank.

Having a good time? Yeah, fine, thanks.

I was just wondering, do you suppose

I could have a copy of that picture?

Oh, sure. Wait a second.

Were you in it?

Yeah, right next to you.

I'd kind of like to keep it as a souvenir of my first house

party.

- Uh, he was in the picture. - Come on, Wally.

Where's your sense of humor?

I'll see what I can do, Frank.

How about another sandwich, Frank?

- OK. - Come on.

Let's go.

Hey, wait a second.

I just don't feel right about this.

We're not going to wake him up.

We're just going to get his camera

and take the film out of it.

You just can't walk in there and steal it.

OK, we'll wake him up and ask him first.

You can't wake him up.

Look, we've got to get those pictures.

I don't care.

We may have to enforce fraternity rule 14b section

7 paragraph 13, no girls allowed on the second floor.

That doesn't apply to chaperones.

I may be a girl, but I'm also Kelly's chaperone.

Look, why don't we just open the door and peek in?

He may not be asleep.

OK.

I can't see.

I think he's awake.

Say, how would you like to trade

for this genuine, neat boy scout type pocket knife?

I already have one.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you let us take the film down

and have it developed for you?

I haven't taken all the pictures yet.

Well, that doesn't matter.

My dad says he won't get me any more film if I waste any.

Oh. Well, look, where's your camera?

You haven't taken a picture of me, yet.

Here, how about this?

How's this?

Try this one.

Hey, here's an idea.

Hand me that shaving lotion.

OK.

Let's take another one.

I only have one left.

Well, let's take it.

I promised to take one of my mom and dad.

Oh, can't you do that some other time?

Heck, no.

A promise is a promise.

Isn't that right, Rick?

- Right. - Any other idea?

Yeah, I have one. Come on, Kelly.

Let's go.

You sure you have to leave so early?

Yeah, I think we ought to get him home and get him to bed.

- What about the film? - It's still in the camera.

Well, look. I have an idea.

If I could just get the film out while he's asleep--

well, maybe not.

- Good night. - Good night.

Good night.

Hey, what's the phone doing off the hook?

- Hey, don't do that. - What's the matter?

I'm expecting a call from my girl.

Yeah, well, we're expecting a call from the Dean.

Yeah?

Well, you aren't going to get it--

Exactly.

But she was going to call at 3:30.

See?

Hi, honey.

Oh!

Hello, Dean Hopkins.

They're right here.

It's the call you've been expecting.

Yes, sir?

First of all, I noticed Kelly was having quite a time

at the party the other night.

Oh, well, yes, sir.

But I can explain that.

We put him to bed upstairs and then he came wandering down

and wanted us to take his picture.

Yes, so I see.

It really wasn't very late, even though the clock

in the background says 2:00.

You don't have to explain.

I certainly wouldn't have let you in Chris look

after him if I thought you were irresponsible.

Yes, sir.

Besides, this blowup from our criminology department

shows Plumstead's watch, and it says 10:30.

Oh.

Well, as long as that's all straightened out, Dean Hopkins,

we won't take up any more of your time.

Just a minute, Plumstead.

There are other things in this picture that I'd

like to call to your attention.

Oh, really?

I seem to recognize this young man

as one of the students who's going

to be with us next semester.

Oh, which one?

The one you've got your arm around.

There's an interesting sign over here that says welcome, Frank.

Oh, yes.

Well, I guess that was his name.

I know it may look like a rush party to you, Dean Hopkins.

It certainly does.

Actually, there's a technicality involved here.

The way we look at it, this is the last of our rush parties

that we're allowed for last year.

We're just a little late.

You see? I think so.

You do?

He does?

Well, it's a technicality, all right,

in fact, a rather familiar one.

It's been tried many times.

However, I've decided to let you get away with it.

Oh, well. Thank you.

Mainly because the betas pulled a similar stunt just

to land some boy who's a big football star

and whose father owns a cabin at the lake and a speedboat.

- Football star? - Speedboat?

And a cabin at the lake? That's right.

At least you fellas had the originality

to rush a champion chess player.

We did?

A chess player?

When the betas pointed him out to me, they said--

And I can understand your being so anxious to land him.

After all, it will be quite an honor

for your house to win the interfraternity chess

championship.

Can we assume that we're off the hook, then?

Well, not quite.

There is one rule infraction that I can't possibly overlook.

What's that?

Well, you boys know the rule about no drinking

on the campus. Oh, we know that, sir.

Believe me, that punch was not spiked.

No, sir.

Then how do you explain these pictures?

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