Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Chris.

Oh, hi.

We've just been looking through some of our old photograph

albums.

They bring back some wonderful memories,

but they also remind us of how quickly time passes.

Our show tonight is about a favorite family subject,

or rather, a combination of favorite subjects--

birthdays and dogs.

Like most everybody else, we've had our share of dogs and more

than our share of birthdays.

These are a couple of pictures of David

on his second birthday.

I remember we were traveling with the band,

and we were playing the RKO Theater in Columbus,

and David was traveling with us.

Oh, here's a picture of Ricky on his first birthday.

He's petting his first dog.

I don't remember the dog's name, and his ancestry

was a bit questionable, but the boys loved him.

The picture alongside that one is Dave on his third birthday

just before he got his hair cut.

Of course, that's Harriet with him.

Here on the left is Rick on his third birthday,

proudly displaying his new army truck and model airplane.

Boy, you sure needed a haircut.

Well, I just got up, and I hadn't combed my hair yet.

Oh, this is Dave on his 21st birthday.

Did I bake that cake?

No, but you ate most of it.

Well, our story tonight is about Chris

and her birthday and two dogs--

a big one and a little one.

We hope you like it.

Oh, look at that dress.

Isn't it pretty? Oh, yeah.

It's very nice.

And look at that one.

That's beautiful.

Are you by any chance trying to tell me something?

What do you mean? Like what?

Oh, like tomorrow is your birthday.

Hey, you're right. It is, isn't it?

Come on. Let's go.

Well, wait a second.

If you had your choice of anything in the window,

what would you take?

I'd take this blonde right here.

Well, naturally.

But I was talking about the dresses.

Well, to be honest with you, I don't

think I'd look too good in any of them.

Oh, look at these.

Look at that little guy back there.

I think this one just winked at me.

Hey, look at the size of this one.

Oh, yeah.

He's going to get bigger, too.

It's too bad he has to be cooped up in there.

Well, they probably have a run for him out in back.

Yeah, what he needs is a nice big yard to play in.

Wouldn't you like a nice big yard to play in?

What'd he say?

He's thinking it over.

I thought you liked dogs.

Well, I do, but it's getting late.

Come on. OK.

Goodbye, fellas.

He says to say goodbye, even though you don't like dogs.

Hey, that's beautiful.

Keep your hands off that.

It's for Chris's birthday.

Well, I thought Rick was taking her out to dinner.

He is, but that's tomorrow night and it's a surprise.

We're having them over here tonight a sort of a decoy.

Sounds pretty complicated.

Ozzie, cut that out.

Well, this is good.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Rick.

- Is Chris with you? - No, she isn't.

Oh, good.

I don't want her to see the cake.

- Hey, that looks great. - Oh, thank you.

Mmm. Tastes good, too.

It sure does.

Look, you guys, let the cake alone.

You can lick the bowl later.

Maybe you think we won't.

Did you buy Chris's present yet?

Well, yeah. I got a couple of them.

Hey, in fact, that's why I came over.

Do you mind if I leave one of her presents here.

I don't want her to see it until tonight.

No, that'll be fine.

It's out in the car.

- Uh, do you need any help? - Oh, no.

That's OK.

Thanks.

I think I can manage.

Uh, what are we having for dinner?

Well, I thought it might be fun to barbecue some steaks.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Dave's awfully good at that. We'll let him do it.

Oh, Dave and June can't come, remember?

They're going to be out of town. Oh.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

Well, you're awfully good at barbecuing.

So are you.

Uh, no.

I'm good at eating them, remember?

Easy boy.

What is that?

It's Chris's birthday present.

Is that a dog or a horse?

Not sure.

We saw him at a pet shop last night,

and Chris was crazy about him.

So I thought I'd take a chance and surprise her.

Well, she'll be surprised all right.

Oh, there's no doubt about that.

Well, he's going to be a beauty when he grows up.

You mean he's still growing?

Well, sure.

Well, I better get home before Chris

starts wondering where I am.

Well, we'll take good care of him.

OK. Thanks, Pop.

Wait a minute. What's his name?

I wouldn't want to offend him.

Gee, I don't know. I figure that'll be up to Chris.

Well, I'll see you tonight.

OK, dear.

Oh, by the way, Mom.

Would you do me a favor? Sure, if I have time.

What is it?

Would you wrap him as a gift?

Well, he sure is a lot of dog.

Sure is.

How are we going to hide him when Chris gets here?

That's a good question.

Stay here, boy.

Hey!

Oh, no.

There goes your cake.

Where'd you put him?

Oh, he's down in the cellar sleeping on that old mattress

down there.

Oh, well, suppose he starts to bark.

Isn't Chris liable to hear him?

Way down in the cellar?

Maybe you're right.

- Don't bring him in here. - Are you kidding?

This is his idea.

I'm trying to get him up to the attic.

Come on.

Come on, boy. Here we go.

Come on, boy.

Come on, boy, up to the attic.

Come on, boy.

Ooh, look out for the cake.

I thought you were going to put him up in the attic.

Well, he didn't like it up there.

I could hear him barking clear down in the den.

What about the backyard?

Well, you could hear him all over the neighborhood

from there. Hey, here's an idea.

Didn't you say Clara had gone to visit her mother

for a couple of days? Yeah.

Well, maybe Joe would take him.

He loves dogs.

Yes, but are you sure he's a dog?

He's a dog all right-- a large, affectionate,

hungry dog. Come on, boy.

Let's go over and see your Uncle Joe.

Come on. Come on, boy.

Whoa.

Easy, boy.

This is your Uncle Joe.

What the heck are you trying to do to me anyway?

Well, you ought to know better than to answer

the door while you're eating a ham sandwich.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Oz.

I'll watch that in the future.

I suppose you're wondering what I'm

doing with this big dog here.

Oh, yes.

I was.

Well, he's kind of a surprise.

That's for sure.

No.

What I mean, see, today is Chris's birthday,

and Rick bought him for her as a surprise.

That's the reason I brought him over here.

I thought maybe you could take care of him for a while.

See, if we leave him at our house,

he's liable to bark and spoil a surprise.

So will you take care of him for a little while?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Here, shake hands with Uncle Joe.

Shake hands.

Well, I'll say this.

For a big guy he sure has got a mushy handshake.

Oh.

See, he likes you.

Be a good boy, now.

I'll be back for him in a little while.

You like your Uncle Joe?

Aw, that's good.

Well, hi.

Hi.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Boy, you sure are getting to be an old lady.

Yeah, what are you going to do?

- Hi. - Hi.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

I don't know.

We never had steaks like this on my birthday.

Well, we couldn't afford them till after you guys left.

If you're looking around for your presents

you're wasting your time.

You're not allowed to see him till after dinner.

- Who says so? - It's a rule of the family.

Oh, never mind, Chris. We're going to eat early.

- Can I help you with anything? - Yeah, maybe the salad.

OK.

- What'd you do with him? - Oh, the dog?

Yeah.

Well, he's over at the Randolph's.

Joe's going to take care of him till after dinner.

Oh, great.

These steaks look good, don't they?

Yeah, they sure do.

Chris doesn't suspect anything, does she?

No, I don't think so.

At least, I hope not.

Ozzie.

Telephone. It's Joe.

I think something's wrong.

Oh.

Where's Chris.

Is the front door unlocked?

Yeah.

I'll take it living room.

Hi, Joe.

Oz, you got to come over here and get this dog.

What are you whispering for?

I'm whispering because I don't want him to find me.

Well, where are you?

I'm in the hall closet, that's where I am.

What are you doing there?

I'm trying to hide from this monster you left over here.

He won't leave me alone.

All he wants to do is kiss me.

For goodness' sakes, Joe.

Shh.

I think I hear him.

Darn it, OZ.

Now, he's found me.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I thought you were in the backyard.

Golf?

No, I don't think I can get away to play golf tomorrow.

Golf?

Who said anything about golf?

Now, come over here and get this darn dog.

Well, look, why don't I call you back later

and we can talk about it. Oh, no you don't.

You come over here and get him right now,

or I'll let him loose. You hear me, OZ?

I mean it.

Uh, well, uh, I'll see what I can do, Joe.

Bye.

What's the matter?

Oh, it's nothing much.

It's just Joe.

He has a little problem.

He wants me to go over there.

I'll be right back.

Maybe I better go over with you, Pop.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Don't be too long now.

Yeah, I want to see my presents.

Yeah.

Well, we'll be right back.

What's that all about?

Oh, probably nothing.

Do you want to get the tomatoes out of the refrigerator?

Oh, sure.

Hello. Oh.

Yes, Joe.

Well, for gosh sakes tell him to hurry.

You think maybe we ought to give him to her now and get it

over with? That will spoil the surprise.

Why don't we put him in the garage.

You stay here.

Stay there, boy.

Stay there.

Hey, wait a second.

What's the matter?

Oh, I think I heard him.

I don't hear anything.

I think we got some hot dogs in here to keep him quiet.

The side door to the garage is closed, isn't it?

Well, yeah, I think so.

It usually is.

Oh, great.

Well, there goes our dinner.

Have another hot dog.

I think that one's medium rare. Oh.

No, thanks. They were good, though.

No, thanks.

No, thanks.

That's the darndest thing about the steaks, the way

they wound up on the ground.

I wouldn't worry about it.

The dinner was great.

Now, how about my present?

Present?

What present?

The present you got me for my birthday.

Boy, you sure take a lot for granted.

Look, why don't you guys go into the den.

I'll bring the coffee in there. OK, Mom.

I'll give you a hand. No, I'll do it.

Oh, no. I insist.

OK.

But don't let him stick any extra candles on my cake.

- Cake? - What cake?

Who said anything about a cake?

OK, you guys.

Come on, Dad.

I think you're supposed to stand guard over me.

Well, that quite a birthday dinner--

potatoes au gratin asparagus with hollandaise sauce,

candied peaches, and hot dogs.

How long can it take to light the candles on my cake?

Well, not quite as long as it takes

to light the candles on my cake.

Come on. Hurry up in there.

I want to see my present.

Do you know what it is?

Well, could be.

I've got a pretty good idea.

In fact, I know what it is.

I'll bet you don't.

Well, at least I think I do.

I hope I didn't keep Rick looking in that pet store

window for nothing.

Uh, pet store window?

Oh, that's OK, Dad.

You don't have to admit anything.

He knows how much I've wanted a dog.

Oh, and, uh--

and you're pretty sure that's what he bought you?

Well, it had better be.

I've already bought a collar for him.

See, isn't it cute?

Oh, it's kind of small though, isn't it?

Well, he's just a little Maltese puppy.

Oh.

Aw, come on, now.

Stop making believe you don't know anything about it.

I think I'll call him Gus.

Oh, yeah.

That's nice, Gus.

That's-- pardon me a second.

I'll be right back.

You stay right there.

Hi, Pop. You're just in time.

Shh. Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it.

- What's the matter? - Hey, come on.

Shh.

Get back in the kitchen.

I've got something to tell you.

Come on, boy.

This is the wrong dog. What do you mean?

It's the same dog I brought over.

I know, but this isn't a dog.

She wants she wants a little Maltese puppy.

- You're kidding? - No.

That's what she just told me.

Well, she sure is in for a big surprise.

Gee, I can't let her see this guy.

She'd probably insist on keeping him just so she

wouldn't hurt my feelings. Hey, wait a second.

Why don't we drive over to the pet shop and exchange him?

It's only about 10 minutes from here.

Well, do you think they're still open?

Well, I think so. Besides, it's our only chance.

Well, wait a minute. What am I going to tell Chris?

Well, you'll think of something.

Oh, thanks a lot. Like what?

Tell her you have to bake a birthday cake.

She knows I've already baked a cake.

Yeah, but we need another one.

Oh, great.

I guess we're too late.

It's closed all right.

Hey, here's the puppy she wanted--

this little guy right here.

That's a little white guy.

Yeah.

He sure is a cute little fella.

Can't say as I blame her.

There's a light back there.

Maybe the owner lives in the back of the store.

I don't see anybody, do you?

No, not yet.

- Come in. - Hey, wait a minute.

Did you hear that?

Yeah. somebody said come in.

Come in.

The door is locked.

- Come in. - We can't.

The door is locked.

Maybe we better get out of here.

Well, somebody said come in.

You heard her.

Come in.

One thing is sure.

I have a feeling somebody's going to show up.

I really appreciate you helping us out like this.

Gee, I'm sorry about the mistake.

Oh, that's OK.

It happens all the time.

I hope she likes this little fella.

Oh, I'm sure she will.

Well, thanks, again.

My pleasure.

It's nothing personal, old boy.

It's just that she wanted a smaller dog.

You know how girls are.

I'm sure he understands, Pop.

Yeah, I think he wants to come along with us.

Yes, he's a good boy.

Well, thanks, again.

That's OK. Good night.

Good night.

Ah, how about this guy.

He hates to see us leave.

Pop, I've got a wife waiting for me at home.

And her birthday's almost over, and this is her present.

OK, I'll be right with you.

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Are you lonesome in there?

Hey, Pop?

Aren't you forgetting something?

Well, uh, don't you think it might

be better if we break the news kind of gently to your mother?

Well, you're going to have to face it sooner or later.

It might as well be now.

And besides, you know he's going to bark if you leave him

outside here by himself.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

OK.

There we go.

Rick, I think I got a better idea.

You go ahead in the house, and I'll be in in a little while.

Where are you going?

Well, I still think it'd be better to break the news gently

to your mother.

I think I'll leave him over with Joe for a while.

OK.

Come on, boy. Come on, boy.

Come on, boy.

Hi, Oz.

Uh, down.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear, Chris.

Happy birthday to you.

Thank you.

I've never had a birthday pie before.

Well, make a wish.

I already have.

Oh, that is a windy old bird.

Boy, it sure looks good.

Oh, thank you.

I hope it tastes good.

Here, let me take him.

It's been quite a night for dogs--

big dogs, little dogs, and hot dogs.

It's been quite a night period.

Wasn't it kind of sad, though, taking the big dog back?

Well, I wanted you to have what you wanted.

And you did want this little guy, didn't you?

Oh, sure.

Who wouldn't?

That-- that big dog is kind of nice, too, though,

don't you think?

Don't you think?

Well, yeah, if you like big dogs.

That is, I mean if you like tremendous big dogs.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather have had the Great Dane?

You did bring him home first.

Maybe it was because you really wanted him.

No, of course not. You keep saying that.

I just want you to be happy.

After all, it's your birthday.

Oh, which reminds me.

We've got another present for you,

but I'm afraid we're going to have to exchange it.

It's the wrong size.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Can I see it?

Yes, just as soon as we finish our pie.

It's out in the back yard.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Well, don't worry.

We'll take it back tomorrow and exchange it.

Uh, well, we'll figure something out.

Well, they certainly can't use this one.

Well, as I said, we'll talk it over.

Why don't we go back in and finish our coffee?

OK.

Gee, why didn't you tell Mom?

You had a perfect chance just now.

Well, don't worry.

I'll tell her when the right time comes.

Don't rush me.

Well, there's one thing for sure.

If Mom doesn't go for the idea, at least

you've got a place to stay.

Sure was an exciting evening.

Yeah.

Is something wrong?

No.

I was just thinking.

He sure looked sad.

Who, Ricky?

No, the big dog-- the Great Dane.

When we took him back to the pet shop, he sure looked sad.

Well, I don't know why.

He certainly had enough to eat--

four big steaks, two birthday cakes, and a few odd candles.

You forgot the ham sandwich.

Ham sandwich?

Yeah.

Joe treated him to that.

Well, anyway.

I must admit I was glad to see him go.

Well, you don't really mean that, do you?

He's a wonderful dog.

And he certainly is crazy about us.

Yes, I know, and I like him, too.

Wait a minute.

You're not thinking about going down there and getting him.

Are you kidding?

That'd be silly.

He's not even there.

Where is he?

Now-- now, relax.

He's not here.

I left him over at Joe's.

Ozzie.

What else could I do?

The poor dog practically burst into tears

when we started to leave him down at the pet shop.

Well, what are we going to do with a dog

that big around here?

He's practically a horse.

Well, he wouldn't be any trouble.

He'd be lots of fun.

He'd make a wonderful watchdog.

We could train him to bring in the paper.

And the paper boy.

I guess you're right.

I'll take him back in the morning.

I'll get that.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Rick.

I was just wondering how you made out with the dog?

Uh, well, your mother and I have

decided it might be a little impractical to keep him here.

I'm going to take him back in the morning.

Are you sure?

I mean, are you sure you don't want him?

Well, yeah, why?

Well, Chris and I were talking on the way home,

and we decided we'd like to have him.

Oh, well, what about the little dog, Gus?

Oh, we're going to keep him, too.

We thought it might be fun to have both of them.

You know, kind of playmates.

Oh, well, gee.

That's great.

Rick and Chris are going to take him.

- You're kidding. - No, really.

We'll be over in the morning to pick him up.

OK.

That's great news, Rick.

Good night.

Gee.

How about that? That's wonderful.

Solves your problem.

Yeah, we can have him over here

to visit us every once in a while.

Except on birthdays.

Who are you calling?

Joe.

I want to tell him the good news.

Uh, Joe. Oh.

Hi, Oz.

I got good news for you.

Rick and Chris are going to take the dog.

I'll be right over to pick him up.

That's OK. There's no hurry.

Well, I know how much trouble you've had with them.

I'll be right over.

Gee, it's kind of a shame to disturb him.

Why don't you let him go till morning.

Well, if you're sure it's OK.

Oh, sure.

He's resting kind of quietly.

He's had a pretty big day.

Yes, that's for sure.

Well, I'll be over in the morning.

I'll see you.

Go back to sleep, fella.

It was just your Uncle Ozzie.

Please don't go telling her that I love her.

I just don't want her to discover.

I know she'd only think it's all too absurd.

It's a secret.

Don't breathe a word.

If only she knew what I've been wishing.

I'd be in a very bad position.

I'd have the saddest tale of woe ever heard.

It's a secret.

Don't breathe a word.

I've been trying to figure out a new technique.

My new plan is a smooth plan, but my technique

is a little bit weak.

As long as she doesn't suspect a thing,

she'll be receptive when I spring my big secret.

Don't breathe a word about love, about love.

Don't breathe a word about love.

Don't breathe a word about love.

Don't breathe a word.

Tonight's Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet

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