Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Dobson Kelly.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Kelly.

How was your flight?

Oh, good.

How is everything going?

Oh, good.

David?

Sure.

Would you hold on just a second?

Here he is, Mr. Kelly.

Good morning.

Oh, hi, Rick.

Well, that ought to go down as one of the all-time good

mornings. I'm sorry.

It's Mr Kelly on the phone. He wants to talk to Dave.

- Well, didn't he come in yet? - No.

Here stall him a little.

Good morning, Mr. Kelly.

No, this is Rick.

How was your flight?

Oh, well, that's good.

How's everything going?

Good.

Oh, David?

Yes, sir.

Oh, here he is, Mr. Kelly. It's Mr. Kelly.

Oh, thanks.

Hi, Mr. Kelly.

No, sir, I just got in.

How's everything going?

Oh, sure.

OK.

I'll mail them right out to you.

Yes, sir.

OK.

I'll tell him.

Bye.

He told me to be sure and thank my two loyal friends.

Don't mention it.

Oh, the Waldimer Corporation reports are ready to go,

aren't they? Yes, they are.

He wants me to check them over and send them right out.

Would you take care of that for me, please?

Right away.

Oh, Rick, would you get the Waldimer Corporation reports

out of the files, please?

Check them over and mail them out right away?

Well, there's one thing about this office.

I've got no place to go but up.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

I have an appointment with Mr. Nelson.

Oh, I'm David Nelson.

You must be Mrs. Harrison. Well, yes, that's right.

Mr. Kelly's told me a lot about you.

Won't you come in the office? Thank you.

Was that supposed to be Mrs. Harrison?

That's what she said.

Well, it can't be.

What do you mean?

Well, Mrs. Harrison is a much older woman,

tall, rather stout, more the clubwoman type.

Well, how do you know?

Have you ever met her before?

Well, no, but I've read a lot of correspondence from her.

That's not the way I had her pictured.

You had me worried there for a minute.

Well, you know what I mean.

Haven't you ever had a preconceived idea

of what somebody looks like? Yeah.

And then you meet the person.

You find out she doesn't look anything

like what you expected.

No, not necessarily.

In fact, I've been right more times than I've been wrong.

I had you pictured exactly as you are.

- Oh, you did, did you? - Well, yeah.

You can ask David.

I said you were very young and attractive with big, brown eyes

and a beautiful figure. OK.

Give me the papers.

I'll mail them for you.

Thank you.

Well, it's been very nice meeting you, Mrs. Harrison.

We'll take care of that right away for you.

Oh, thank you very much.

I hate to rush you like this, but I'll only

be in town for a few days. That's perfectly all right.

Don't worry about it. Thank you.

Goodbye. Bye.

Well, one way to make your nephew happy.

What do you mean?

Mrs. Harrison's transferring about $20,000

to her nephew's account.

- $20,000? - That's right.

You mean, the real Mrs. Harrison or the one

you were just talking to?

What's this?

Oh, she's just putting me on.

I was just saying I didn't think Mrs. Harrison would

look like that.

I thought she'd look different somehow.

In what way?

I don't know, maybe a little older, just different,

a different type.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Hey, wait a minute, Mrs. Harrison doesn't have a nephew.

Now what are you talking about?

The real Mrs. Harrison doesn't have a nephew.

At least I've never seen one mentioned

in any of the correspondence.

And I see practically all of it. Well, what does that prove?

You've probably never seen any mention of a Siamese cat

either.

She's giving some money to a Siamese cat?

I don't even know if she's got a cat.

But just the fact that she's never mentioned one

doesn't mean she doesn't have one.

Are you talking about the nephew or the cat?

Both.

And this whole thing doesn't seem strange to you?

I mean, Mr. Kelly's the only one who's ever seen Mrs. Harrison,

and he's conveniently out of town.

Well, so what?

Well, and all of a sudden this woman

shows up and wants to transfer $20,000 to some nephew we've

never heard of. You know what I think?

I think you ought to stop watching those old movies

on the late, late show.

Don't Say I didn't warn you.

Would you put these in the Harrison file, please?

OK.

And be careful not to smudge any

of the suspicious fingerprints.

Careful of the fingerprints when you file these.

I'll try.

Hey, take a look at this, will you?

What is it?

Well, here are the stock transfers she just signed,

and here's the letter she signed about six months ago.

Check the signatures.

They look the same to me.

I'm not so sure.

Notice anything?

Yeah, you've been biting your fingernails again.

Well, I think that happens quite often.

You get a preconceived idea of what somebody looks like.

And then when you meet him, he looks entirely different.

That's what happened when I met your father.

But I married him anyway.

Thank you.

I'm glad.

- Hi, Dave. - Hi, Dave.

- Have something to eat with us. - Oh, no thanks, Mom.

June's expecting me home for dinner.

But you guys go ahead.

Well, Rick's having some coffee.

Why don't you have some? OK.

Fine. Thanks.

If you stopped by to tell them about the big joke

at the office, you're too late.

I've already told them, and they agree with you.

Well, before you turn in your badge and your fingerprint kit,

there's been a ridiculous new development in the case.

What's that?

I'm beginning to agree with you.

- You're kidding? - No.

See here?

She didn't dot the I in this one, and she did over here.

Where'd you get those?

Miss Edwards showed them to me.

Well, she was laughing at me when I left.

That's nothing.

I was laughing at her when she left.

But here I am.

Henrietta Harrison-- they look about the same to me.

Yeah, but this is the only time

she didn't dot the I in all the correspondence I've looked at.

Of course, she did cross the Ts a little differently.

Can I take a look at that?

Right here.

You see how this one goes all the way across

and this one kind of trails off?

Well, that doesn't prove anything.

She might have been in a hurry.

I'd be in a hurry, too, if I were stealing that much money.

She did seem kind of nervous.

She was only in the office about five minutes.

Well, why did she come in the office?

Well, she wants to transfer a lot of money

to her nephew's bank account in Mexico City.

Mexico City?

Look at these Es.

This one's open.

And this is kind of closed over here.

It was a pretty good time to come in, too,

with Mr. Kelly out of town.

Well, we have her home phone number, don't we?

Why don't we put in a long distance call?

I tried that all afternoon. There was no answer.

Of course, that doesn't prove anything.

She could just be out.

Yeah, I know that.

Well, could Mr. Kelly give you a description of her?

Well, yeah, but he's checked out of his hotel

for a couple of days. He's gone fishing.

Well, there must be some way he could check up on her.

Well, I thought if we could get

another sample of her signature without her knowing

it had anything to do with the law office,

it might catch her off guard. Yeah, that sounds good.

Or if it is somebody else, she might even sign a real name.

At least it'd give us another signature

to compare with the ones we have on file.

Yeah, but how are you going to get her to sign something?

You can't just go up to her and ask her for her autograph.

Well, I wouldn't be able to do it anyway.

She'd recognize me.

Well, she wouldn't recognize me.

I don't think she even saw me.

What's wrong with me?

I could help out.

Where's she staying?

Well, I've got the address right here.

She's staying at a friend's house,

and people have gone to Europe.

Well, she sure had it all figured out, didn't she?

If she'd stayed at a hotel, she have had to register.

We still haven't figured out how we're

going to get her signature.

I'll get it!

- Hi, Mrs. Nelson. - Oh, hello, girls.

Come on in. Good evening.

Good evening.

What can I do for you?

Would you like to buy a ticket to an art exhibit?

It's being sponsored by Troop 179.

I sure would.

How much are they apiece?

$0.25.

I'll take two.

Thank you.

And would you sign here, please?

Oh, what's this for?

That's for the door prize.

Oh.

- Yes, good evening. - Hello.

Would you like to buy a ticket to an art exhibit.

It's being sponsored by Troop 179?

Well, I guess so. How much are they?

- $0.25 a piece. - All right.

Just a minute.

Here you are.

I'll take four.

Oh, thank you!

Would you sign here, please?

What's that for?

It's for the door prize.

Oh, no, thank you.

I'll just donate the money.

Oh, well, that's not fair.

What if you should win?

Well, then just give it back to the girls.

I expect to be leaving town in a few days anyway.

Oh, well, won't you sign so that the girls

will know who donated it?

Well, OK.

Here you are. Thank you.

- Uh-huh. - Good night.

Good night.

- Got it, huh? - Yeah, right here.

- Oh, great! - Let me see it.

- Are you kidding with this? - What's the matter?

Did she write the wrong name?

It's Henrietta Harrison, but she printed it.

Oh, no.

Well, at least she bought four tickets.

Yes?

Good evening, madam.

I represent the Abdullah Handwriting Analysis Society.

As a special introductory offer, I

should like to analyze your handwriting absolutely free

of charge.

Would you just sign your name here, please?

I wouldn't be interested. Thank you.

There's no charge, madam.

Say, that was pretty good.

Come on, let's get going.

Now, wait a minute.

I'm not sure I want to go through with this.

Oh, no you don't.

You can't back out now.

You've already accepted the bribe.

OK, OK.

Yes?

Hi. Good afternoon, madam.

I'm from the community welcoming committee.

I've come to welcome you to the neighborhood.

I have a bundle of goodies here from your local merchants.

Oh, that's very nice, But--

Here's a couple of attractive potholders

from Smith's Hardware Store.

Here's a handy shoeshine kit.

Here's a dandy can opener and a couple of polishing cloths

from Duffy's Super Service.

Well, I really can't accept this.

You see, I'm only staying here for a couple of days.

And I--

Oh, well, that's just the point.

We want you to enjoy your stay here.

Here's a handy yardstick, some coat hangers

from the Closet Shop.

And here's a kitchen blackboard with the names

of your local merchants printed on the side.

Oh. Well, thank you.

Oh, not at all. It's my pleasure.

Now, if you'll just sign this receipt so the merchants will

know I'm doing my job.

I don't think I can get my hands free.

Would you mind putting my name down for me?

Ooh, not at all.

That's Henrietta--

Henrietta Harrison.

Henrietta Harrison.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, well, thank you!

Here, let me get that.

Bye!

Bye!

Well, one thing is for sure.

She's done a pretty good job I'm not signing anything.

Harriet, it's the telephone.

Don't bother answering that.

I'll get it in here.

It's probably for you anyway.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Clara.

Say, how would you and Ozzie like

to go out to dinner with Joe and me tonight?

Oh, that sounds fine.

I'll ask him.

Wait a minute. Ozzie?

Yeah?

Clara and Joe are going out to dinner tonight,

and they want us to join them.

Oh, well, not tonight, hun.

I'd like to get this thing settled.

That's OK, Pop. Go ahead.

No.

Besides, we just went out to dinner last week.

It was last month.

Well, last week, last month, I know

we just went out to dinner.

I'm having a little trouble here, Clara.

Maybe we ought to let Joe talk to Ozzie.

Oh, that's no good.

I was hoping Ozzie would talk to Joe.

He doesn't want to go either.

You know what we need is a special day when

husbands have to take their wives out to dinner.

- I'll buy that. - You'll buy what?

Nothing, dear.

There must be something any woman would sign.

Hey, that's an idea.

You got to take us out for dinner tonight.

It's Wives' Day.

Wives' Day?

Are you kidding?

I don't think he's going to buy it, Clara.

I know.

There's Washington and Lincoln and Santa Claus.

Well, I'll talk to you later.

Bye-bye.

Harriet?

- Yeah? - Come on now.

You don't just say Washington, Lincoln, and Santa Claus

and walk away.

What were you talking about?

Well, Clara thought it might be a good idea

to have a Wives' Day.

After all, look at all the days they have honoring men.

There's Washington, Lincoln, Santa Claus, Father's Day,

Columbus, St. Patrick, Mickey Mantle, King Kamehameha.

I'm sorry I asked.

In fact, I think we ought to get up a petition naming

one day a year as Wives' Day.

I bet you every woman in town would sign it.

Hey, wait a se--

including Henrietta Harrison.

That's it!

That's how we get her signature, a petition for Wives' Day.

Hey, Dave, Rick?

What are you doing?

Well, we're just adding a few names to this petition

to make it look official.

Nobody likes to be the first one to sign.

Well, I'll sign it.

I'm a housewife.

Oh, I don't know.

If this woman really is a forger,

this is liable to wind up as police evidence.

Forgery's a crime, you know.

Let's see.

Let me think of a good one.

How about Clara Randolph?

Clara Randolph.,

So we thought at least one day should be set aside

in honor of the wives of America,

and we decided to call it Wives' Day.

- How nice. - Thank you.

So I was hoping you'd be interested in signing

our petition.

Oh, well, I'm not sure I'm eligible.

You see, I don't live here. I'm just visiting.

I'm from out of town.

Oh, that's perfectly OK.

Well, are you sure now?

I wouldn't want my signature to make the petition invalid

or something? Oh, no.

I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sure it'll be fine.

OK.

Say, wait a minute.

I've got some friends of mine inside,

and I'm sure they'd love to sign this.

Won't you come in for a minute? Oh, OK.

Girls.

Ricky!

Oh, hi, Miss Randolph.

Oh, do you two know each other?

Oh, sure, we're practically neighbors.

I didn't know you knew each other.

Well, we haven't actually met.

Well, Rick, this is Mrs. Harrison, Rick Nelson.

How do you do?

Henrietta and I are old friends.

In fact, I used to take piano lessons from her mother.

Oh, how about that?

And this is Mrs. Foster.

How do you do, Rick?

How do you do?

- Rick's a lawyer, you know. - Oh, really?

Oh, well, not exactly.

I'm just a law clerk.

I'm studying law.

Well, it's practically the same thing.

And his brother's a lawyer.

He's with Dobson and Kelly.

David Nelson?

That's right.

Oh, of course!

I just had a meeting with him a couple of days ago.

You're kidding!

No, Mr. Kelly's been my attorney for years.

Well, I don't want to take up any more of your time.

It's nice to have met you. Wait a minute.

What about the petition?

Rick's got a petition here he wants us to sign.

Oh, well, no, that's OK.

Well, don't be silly.

It's a wonderful idea.

They want to establish a special day for wives,

you know, like Mother's Day, and call it Wives' Day.

Hey, that is a wonderful idea.

Well, isn't that strange!

I thought of the same thing myself!

In fact, I mentioned it to your mother!

Wouldn't you girls like to sign it?

- I certainly would. - Oh, me too.

Wait a minute!

I've already signed this!

And you didn't get Mrs. Harrison's signature?

Well, yeah, I got it, but we don't need it.

She's the real Mrs. Harrison.

Mrs. Randolph positively identified her.

It seems they're old friends.

You realize, of course, you've tied up

the whole office for two days with this crazy idea of yours.

Me?

Well, who signed these names here,

Betty Ferguson, Mrs. Mae Waffle Berry, Susan B. Anthony?

OK.

Let's get the office back on schedule again, shall we?

We've got a lot of work to do. Uh, wait a second.

We've got a few complications on our hands here.

What are you talking about?

Well, it seems that the ladies went for this Wives' Day idea

in a big way.

I tried to tell them it was sort of a joke,

but, well, I'll let them tell you the rest.

OK, ladies.

Oh, hi.

We want you to know, Mr. Nelson, we're

behind your petition 100%.

Oh, thank you.

- We certainly are! - Mrs. Randolph!

I hope you don't mind. We found a few of our friends.

Isn't it wonderful the way it's catching on?

Hi, Mom.

We were hoping you'd be willing to talk to the idea,

you know, handle the campaign?

Oh, well, gee, thank you, but I really

don't think I'll have enough time.

Oh, David, don't be so modest.

Girls, we said we needed a chairman.

Here he is!

Wonder whether I should quit now or wait

till he comes out and fires me.

Are you kidding?

I think it's a wonderful idea.

Where's the petition?

I want to sign it.

Hi, Jack.

Have you seen my brother?

- Who's that? - Never mind.

I see him.

Now, remember, Dave, no violence in the malt shop.

Can I bring you something?

Yeah, I think I'll have a chocolate

malt and a couple of aspirin.

Oh, hi, Dave!

Do you realize I spent an hour and a half

talking to those silly females?

Please, one of those silly females is my mother.

We're trying to run a law office.

At least that's what I'm getting paid for.

And you're doing a beautiful job.

Never mind the soft soap.

What's Mr. Kelly going to say when he comes back and finds

out I've been spending my time being chairman

of the Wives' Day committee?

Look, you're worrying about nothing.

That's not the only thing.

You realize that most of our clients

are men, and married men at that?

You can imagine how popular this is going to make me with them.

Wives' Day.

Look, maybe if we don't say anything more about it,

it'll just die a natural death.

I hope you're right.

You haven't said anything to anybody about it, have you?

I did mention it to one guy.

You know how women are.

They'll probably forget about it in a couple of days.

In fact, they probably forgotten about it by now.

Well, I hope you're right.

They were still in there when I left.

I had to duck out the back door.

That's fine.

Now let's get a picture of him working at the desk.

Right over this way, Mr. Nelson, please.

Pardon me, folks.

Can we get through here with the television camera?

Could you tell us, Mr. Nelson, how you

got the idea for Wives' Day?

Well, gee, I really--

Mr. Nelson, do you think that Wives' Day

will attain the same status that Mother's Day has?

I really don't know.

Do you have something against mothers?

Oh, no, some of my best friends are mothers.

Do you think that husbands will resent this?

Well, I hope not.

Some of my best friends are husbands.

"David Nelson of law firm of Dobson and Kelly,

chairman of Wives' Day drive."

Well, at least you got a nice smile

on your face, which is more than I can say for you right now.

Well, let's get to work.

Were there any calls this morning?

Oh, yes.

Now, the president of the Downtown Women's Club

wants you to speak at their luncheon tomorrow.

She saw you on television and thinks you're just darling.

The West Side Ladies Auxiliary is

having a brunch in your honor.

That's the day after tomorrow.

Oh, the Little Dutch Tea Room phone and offered you

free lunches.

You'll probably have to sit by the window.

There's more. Shall I go on?

You know something?

I can remember when we used to practice law around here.

Dobson and Kelly.

- Is this David Nelson? - Yes, it is.

Well, I'm speaking for the girls at the Palisades Knitting

Club.

And we voted to send you a gift! A gift?

That's right.

And here it is.

We love you, David.

Oh, yes, we do.

And David Nelson, we're all for you.

Wives' Day!

Wives' Day!

Wives' Day!

Oh, well, thank you very much.

OK.

Uh, there's another vote for the women.

Hello? Hello.

Is this David Nelson?

Yes.

I just heard from the other side.

From now on, I hereby put you in full charge of all business

relating to Wives' Day.

Me?

That's right, unless you prefer to assign

the duties to somebody else.

And don't forget the free lunches.

Hey, wait a second! This is illegal.

I demand a lawyer.

Dobson and Kelly?

Oh, yes, ma'am, just a moment.

Rick, it's for you.

She wants the chairman of the Wives' Day committee.

Hello?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

What can I do for you?

Is this the headquarters of the Wives' Day committee?

- Yes, I guess it is. - Here.

I'll take that.

Sign here, please.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

Thanks very much for calling.

It's from the Florist Association.

They'll be glad to do--

anything they can to help promote Wives' Day.

Hello?

Wives' Day committee.

This is from the Ladies' Gift Shop.

"We love your idea."

Oh, thanks very much.

From Betty's Lingerie. "Hooray for you."

Yes, ma'am.

Same goes for Hadley's Candy

Store and Bonnie's Bonbon Shop and Harry's Bar and Grill.

Hello, Wives' Day committee?

Harry's Bar and Grill?

Well, thanks very much for calling.

Goodbye.

Boy, the word's sure getting around about this.

Hello, Wives' Day committee? Wives' Day committee?

- Telegram. - I'll get it.

Yes, that's right.

Well, thank you very much.

All these for me?

- That's right. - Hello?

Wives' Day committee? Oh, well, thank you.

I'll tell him.

Well, we hope so.

Yes, thank you very much. Goodbye.

Yeah, thanks very much. Yes, ma'am.

Goodbye. It's from Councilman Wiley.

He's willing to let us use his name if we'd like

to call it Wiley's Wives' Day.

Wives' Day committee?

Oh, yes, just a moment.

It's the mayor's office.

Yes, would you put him on, please?

I'll take it my office.

Just a second.

I thought you appointed me chairman!

OK.

Thanks.

Hello?

Yes, this is the chairman speaking.

Oh, well, let me see if my calendar's clear.

Yes, sir, that'll be fine.

Oh, and thank you for your support.

Yes, sir.

Goodbye.

Well, the mayor is behind it 100%.

He's going to issue a proclamation making Wives' Day

official.

And would you make a note of this?

He wants to have lunch with me tomorrow.

I'll get it.

It's probably for me.

Wives' Day.

Oh, well, yes, put him on.

It's the governor. The governor?

Yeah, do you mind if I take this in your office?

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm taking this one. Come on!

I'm the chairman.

You were the chairman.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Well, this is David Nelson.

Yes, I'm the chairman.

Oh.

Thank you.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

I'll be available any time you say.

OK.

Bye.

How about that?

They're going to introduce a bill to make Wives' Day a state

holiday.

Hey, that's great!

- I sure started something. - You?

I thought I started it.

Well, whoever it was.

Dobson and Kelly?

That's right.

Thank you.

It's Washington calling, the White House.

Hello?

Yes, this is Dave.

How's everything going?

Gee, he heard about Wives' Day, and he thinks it's great.

OK.

OK.

I'll take care of it right away.

Yes, sir.

Goodbye.

That was the president, the president of the United States?

Are you kidding? Of course not.

That was Mr. Kelly. He heard about the idea.

It came over the radio on the news.

He thinks it's great publicity.

I thought you said it was Washington calling.

- Yeah, the White House. - That's right.

I told you he went fishing.

He's staying at the White House Motel.

That's just north of Seattle, Washington.

Oh, by the way, he left a big bundle of dirty shirts

on his kitchen sink.

And he wants me to drop them by the laundry.

Do you suppose you could take care of that for me?

OK.

- Here's the key. - Uh, Rick?

OK.

Dirty shirts.

Well, at least everything's back to normal.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by your gas company.

Which helps you live modern for less with gas.

That's what we Nelsons do.