Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Oh.

Hi, fellas. Come on in.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

Hi.

Just looking for some cookies, but I can't seem to find any.

Here they are.

I got to say, it's lucky you guys stopped by.

Mrs. Nelson always keeps some extra ones there.

I'll have to talk to her about that.

Help yourself, Mr. Nelson.

Well, thank you.

You help yourself.

What's on your mind?

Can we talk in here?

Sure.

Are you sure there's no one around?

I'm the only one home.

OK, if you say so.

Sit down.

OK, what is it?

I was just elected treasurer of the Tigers Club.

Me, too.

Well, congratulations.

Two treasurers?

Yeah, we got too much money to trust just one guy.

Oh.

Well, good for you.

Look at all this!

Careful, there might be spies!

No, I think it's safe here.

How much you got there?

$3.15, all in pennies.

All in pennies?

What are you going to do with them?

We're going to bury them.

Yeah, in your backyard!

Well, why are you going to bury them in my backyard?

Well, we figure you're about the most honestest guy we know.

At least we hope so.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate the honor.

Then it's OK?

Wait a minute.

You're forgetting the most important part.

Oh, yeah.

We want to ask you a few questions.

OK.

Do you own your own home?

Yes.

Do you have any outstanding debts?

Uh, no, not that I know of.

Are you a heavy drinker?

Raise your right hand and repeat after me.

I solemnly swear to protect this money entrusted to me.

I solemnly swear to protect this money entrusted to me.

With the utmost vigilance.

With the utmost vigilance.

Yeah, that ought to do it.

Well, I thought you were going to dig it deeper

than that, Mr. Nelson. Me, too.

Lots deeper.

Well, uh, the depth isn't important.

The important thing is the cleverness with which

you conceal the hiding place.

What does that mean?

It means he's tired of digging.

OK.

It's a spy!

Hide the hole!

- No, it's just Mrs. Nelson. - Hi, fellas.

- Hi. - Hi.

What are you doing there?

It looks like you're digging a hole to China.

Well, not quite.

Don't tell anybody, but we're burying some treasure.

- Mr. Nelson! - Mr. Nelson!

It's OK.

She's not a heavy drinker either.

It's just a little inside joke.

Who has the money?

Right.

There we are.

In a couple of days, we won't be able to find it.

- We won't? - Sure we will.

I'm making a map.

Oh, yeah.

1, 2.

It's a good idea.

Let me see it.

Remember, you're sworn to secrecy.

Maybe he ought to take an oath in blood.

That won't be necessary.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Where's it start?

It starts here at the bow of the old shipwreck.

The old shipwreck?

Your garage.

Oh.

Then follow along the shadow at exactly 2 o'clock

toward Skull Rock.

Well, I presume this is Skull Rock?

Right.

Then five paces towards pirate's cave.

That's the back door.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Then due east eight paces.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Then north two paces.

1, 2.

And here we are, the treasure.

- Ah, that's very good. - Thanks.

What are we going to do with the map?

We'll each keep half.

Well, uh, listen, what about me?

You're lucky, Mr. Nelson.

If we were real pirates, we'd have had

to bury you with the treasure.

- Well, hi, fellas. - Hello, Oz.

Hi, Oz.

We the first ones here?

Yeah, the other guys will be along any minute.

I can't find the poker chips.

Hi, fellas.

Hello, Harriet.

Uh, Harriet, have you seen the poker chips anyplace?

Well, yeah, you lent them to Ricky a couple of weeks ago,

didn't you?

Well, didn't he bring them back?

Not that I know of.

Oh, darn it.

Well, what do we need poker chips for anyway?

It's only a penny ante game, isn't it?

I got some change here.

Hey, hey, wait a second.

We've got over 300 pennies buried out in the backyard.

Buried in the backyard?

Uh, yeah.

Don't you believe in banks?

See, it's not mine.

It belongs to the neighborhood kids, you know, the Tigers.

Oh, I wasn't supposed to tell anybody about that.

Well, where are we going?

Out in the back to get the pennies.

Now, wait just a minute.

I'm not sure I want to play poker with an embezzler.

What's this about embezzler?

I'm just going to borrow a few pennies that have been

left with me for safekeeping.

That's what they all say.

I know it.

OK, but I'm going to deny everything.

I don't even know him.

Fine pirate he'd make.

Can't even find his own buried treasure.

There's money someplace.

Notice the way he handles that flashlight.

He'd make a great burglar.

Embezzler.

I wish you guys would stop trying to be funny and give me

a hand here.

Well, what are we looking for?

A square piece of sod.

It hasn't been that long.

We should be able to see it.

I can't see anything.

I can't either.

Maybe we ought to pace it off according to the map.

What map is that?

Well, the kids made up a treasure map.

I can remember it.

Well, why don't we just go down to the drugstore

and buy some poker chips?

Will you relax?

It'll only take a minute.

It starts over here by the old shipwreck.

The old shipwreck?

The garage.

We better get off our feet.

We're liable to be here all night.

Boy, you're not kidding.

I follow this shadow at 2 o'clock.

Oh, great.

How can there be a shadow if there's no sun out?

If you ask me, he's had too much sun.

Don't sit down on Skull Rock!

Skull Rock?

I mean, that's the chaise.

That's where I get my bearings for Pirate's Cove.

I still think I ought to go down to the drugstore.

We don't need any poker chips.

Who's talking about poker chips?

I'm going to get you a sedative.

Step back a little.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

1, 2.

Here we are.

Take the flashlight, Darb.

Yeah, I kind of feel like Captain Kidd.

Well, let's get the game started.

Just one minute.

You're not going to take that money in there

without putting in an IOU, are you?

I'll put the money back.

That's what the bank clerk said on his way

to the racetrack.

Yeah, ain't no price on my conscience.

OK, you guys.

I happen to know there's $3.15 worth of pennies in here.

Here, hold your hands up.

Ooh, is this a stick-up?

Two, three.

15.

$3.15.

You satisfied?

Come on.

I still say there's something phony going on here.

What have you got, Oz?

I got my openers.

I'm afraid I got you.

Three of a kind.

Yeah, well, wait a minute.

Don't be so greedy.

That's a straight.

For God's sake, you'd think it was his house the way

he's been winning tonight.

Yeah, look at that stack of pennies.

Yeah, look, fellas, I hate to quit while I'm ahead,

but don't you think it's getting pretty late?

Well, let's call that the last hand, OK?

Fine with me.

I've been losing all night.

Here you are.

What's this?

I'm cashing in.

Well, that's cash. They're yours.

You won them. Oh, now, wait a minute.

I'm not going to carry all these pennies around in my pocket.

Why, there must be about 3 bucks worth.

Well, all I've got is a couple of bills.

How about you, Doc?

You want to cash them in for him?

Not me. I'm a sore loser.

Here, I'll help you put them in your pocket.

I don't know what I'd do without you, Oz.

Just don't fall in the canal.

Mr. Nelson.

Mr. Nelson.

Mr. Nelson.

Good morning, Mr. Nelson.

Oh, hi, fellas.

What's the matter?

Were you still asleep?

That's OK.

What do you want?

We came to get the treasure.

You want to dig it up so soon?

Yeah.

Can we borrow your shovel?

Uh, well, just wait there.

I'll be right down.

What was that all about?

Oh, it's the kids.

They want their money.

Let them dig it up.

Well, the only thing, though, I kind of

hate to have them find the dollar bills in there.

I've already dug it up.

I thought you were going to put the pennies back.

Well, I intended to.

I was going to get up early this morning and get some pennies.

Well, at least you accomplished half

of what you were going to do.

You got up early.

Here's the spot, Mr. Nelson.

Yeah, we didn't even need the map to find it.

The grass didn't grow over too good.

Maybe we should have found a better hiding place.

Oh, no, this is a good hiding place.

Anyway, we don't have to worry about it, not

with Mr. Nelson watching it.

We can trust him.

I know it.

Uh, look, boys, are you sure you want to dig the money up

right now?

Sure, we're going to fill our coin folder.

Coin folder?

Yeah, we're going to put all our pennies in it.

You mean the pennies that are buried here?

They're not just plain old pennies.

Some of them are part of our collection.

Well, what collection is that?

We got every penny to fill this book, every year

since 1941 up till now.

Oh.

It took us a long time to get them, too.

Yeah, wait till the girls see them.

They didn't believe we had them.

They said they've got more than we have.

I bet they don't have a 1955 S.

Or a '54 plain.

Yeah.

Come on, Mr. Nelson.

Dig them up.

Now, now, now, just a second, fellas.

Let's think about this.

You want to dig these up just to show them to some girls?

Sure, the honor of the Tigers Club is at stake.

You want us to beat the girls, don't you?

Well, yeah, but well, for one thing,

I don't want to have to dig my lawn up every time you fellas

decide to show the collection to somebody.

We know that, Mr. Nelson.

Come on, dig them up.

Uh, OK.

Uh, have you got the withdrawal slip?

What do you mean?

Well, uh, this belongs to the Tigers Club, doesn't it?

Yes, sir.

Well, then, I'll have to have the written

permission of a majority of the membership

in order to dig up the money.

I don't get it.

It's a legal technicality.

Exactly.

See, as treasurers of the club, you boys

are the legal custodians of the funds.

And when you deposited the money here,

you assigned that custodianship to me,

and I can't relinquish the funds without

the proper legal documentation.

Boy, your money sure is safe when

you leave it with Mr. Nelson.

It sure is.

Go call a meeting of the club.

We'll see you later, Mr. Nelson.

Bye, Mr. Nelson!

Don't hurry, fellas.

Pretty good thinking for so early in the morning.

Well, still no answer.

Doggone that Darby.

This is all his fault. Why did he

have to take all the pennies home last night?

I thought you fellas made him take the pennies.

Well, whose side are you on anyway?

Yours, dear.

Drink your orange juice.

I wonder where they could have gone so early in the morning.

Oh, they'll probably be right back.

And so will the kids.

They'll be looking for 315 pennies,

including one for every space here.

Well, we probably have some around the house.

Well, yeah, but they got to be the right ones.

Hey, there's a coin shop down on the boulevard.

Well, I don't think they'd be open on a Sunday morning.

Let's see what we've got here.

Here's one.

What does it say?

1962 D.

Here's another one.

1962 D. We've got that one.

Here's another one.

1962 D. See, this isn't going to be easy.

Well, what does D after the date mean anyway?

Uh, it means it was minted in Denver.

And if it has an S after it, it means

it was minted in San Francisco.

And if it's just plain, I think it was minted in Philadelphia.

I remember when David had his collection.

Hey, there's an idea, David.

Hello?

Oh, uh, Dave, do you still have your coin collection?

Gee, no, Pop, I haven't had that for 15 years.

What's going on?

Oh, well, I'm trying to fill out a penny collection here.

Do you have any pennies at all?

Just a second, I'll look.

Yeah, I've got one.

What is it?

It's 1962 D.

I've already got that one.

Thanks, just the same.

Did you get any?

Uh, just a couple.

This is ridiculous.

Every penny I need is probably sitting right

on Darby's dresser.

I just called him again.

They still aren't home.

Yeah, I called him a couple of times, too.

Hey, hey, wait a second.

They always keep a spare key under their front doormat.

Well, I don't think we should just

go walking into their house. Well, why not?

They keep it there in case of an emergency.

And this is certainly an emergency.

Morning, Darb.

What are you doing, Oz?

Adding burglary to your other assorted crimes,

gambling, stealing money from little children?

I didn't know you were home.

Well, that's obvious.

Well, I phoned you a couple of times, and you didn't answer.

This is Sunday morning, Oz.

Some people go to church on Sunday morning, you know?

Well, yes, I know.

And what were you doing breaking into our house?

I came over to get the pennies.

You know those pennies we dug up last night?

Well, it turns out they're not just ordinary pennies.

They're part of a collection.

Oh.

Gee, Oz, I'm sorry.

I'll give you the ones I have left.

What do you mean, the ones you have left?

Well, I spent most of them for breakfast.

We stopped off at the malt shop on our way home from church.

I asked Jack if he could use a couple hundred pennies,

and he said OK.

Oh, great.

How many have you got left?

One, two, three.

What happened to the rest of them?

Well, you know, I don't think I ought to tell you.

Well, what happened to the rest of them?

Well, you know that little park near the malt shop?

Yes.

Well-- no, I don't think I ought to tell you.

You'll just shout.

I won't shout.

Now what happened to the rest of them?

Sally threw them into the wishing well.

I knew you'd shout.

She throw all the pennies into the wishing well?

Well, all except the one she gave

to the organ grinder's monkey.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Oz, but we didn't know they were special pennies.

Oh, it's not your fault.

I'll bet Jack still has most of them left down

at the malt shop.

Well, at least, maybe he has some of the ones I need.

Well, thanks, anyway, Darb.

Oh, here's one we need.

What is it?

It's one of the 47's.

Oh, good.

Well, I'll throw the others away.

- Can I help you? - Oh!

Did you drop something?

Uh, no, we're just, uh, getting some pennies out

of here.

It's for a coin collection.

We're going to put back an equal amount.

I have some change.

Harriet, do you have some change?

My bag's in the car.

Oh, her bag is in the car, but no, we're not stealing these.

We're going to put back an equal amount.

Well, we hope so, don't we?

Strange sort of guy.

Goodness sakes.

Look out!

Here comes--

Ah!

No, it's OK.

He drove right on by.

What'd you do that for?

Well, I, uh--

I really don't know.

How are we doing?

Oh, uh, pretty good, including those you got at the market,

we've got them all except two--

1948 S and 1952 plain.

Hey, that sounds pretty good.

Yeah.

At least, we've got the two the little girls don't have,

the 1954 and the 1955 S.

What little girls?

Oh, a couple of little girls in the neighborhood.

The kids in the Tigers have been having a contest with them.

You mean I've been helping the wrong side all this time?

Well, let's say you've been helping

to keep your husband from getting drummed out

of the neighborhood.

Somebody's at the door.

I know it.

Well, aren't you going to go see who it is?

I know who it is.

And you can go tell them yourself.

Well, tell them what?

Well, just tell them you're sorry,

but you lost two of the pennies.

OK.

Uh, Harriet, it's not the boys at all.

It's a couple of girls.

They're cute, too.

Do you still want me to answer it?

How old are they?

Oh, about 9 or 10.

You can answer it.

That figures.

OK.

Well, hi, girls. Hi.

Come on in.

What can I do for you?

The man at the malt shop said you were collecting pennies.

Oh, well, yeah, that's right.

Do you have a 1955 S?

Uh, yes, I think I do.

Could we buy it from you?

Oh, well, I'm sorry but it's not for sale.

See, it really doesn't belong to me.

Oh, gee.

I guess the boys are going to beat us after all.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a second.

Here's an idea.

As long as the boys are going to win anyway, maybe

you'd like to sell me a couple of your pennies.

Gee, I don't know.

I don't think we ought to break up our collection.

Well, look, why don't you sell me the whole collection then?

The whole collection is worth about $0.80.

Or $1.

Well, that's OK.

It took us a long time to collect it.

Yeah.

Well, then, you probably should get more than $1.

Don't forget, the coin card was $0.35.

Yeah, and we had to take the bus to get to the coin shop.

That was $0.20.

Just wait here a second, girls.

I've got some money in a cookie jar.

You'll hardly know it's been dug up.

How much did you wind up paying the girls?

Oh, uh, well, I didn't want them to break up

their collection, and it was worth $0.80.

You paid them $0.80 for just two pennies?

Uh, well, actually, I paid them a little more than that.

I gave them a little bonus.

How much did you pay them?

Uh, well, you've got to bear in mind

that the basis of our economic system

is the inexorable law of supply and demand.

I mean, when somebody has something

that you want very much, you're willing to pay a premium

to get it.

You're willing to give them more than the article is actually

worth.

How much did you pay them?

Oh, hi, fellas!

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

- Hi, Mr. Nelson. - Hi, boys.

We took a vote of the Tigers, and we

want to dig up the treasure.

It was unanimous.

Well, OK.

This is the spot right here.

Could you hurry it up, please, Mr. Nelson?

Oh, OK.

There we are.

Guess you're kind of anxious to show these to the girls, huh?

Well, we were, but we don't care about that anymore.

Heck no.

You don't?

No, ma'am, we're going to sell them?

Well, uh, who are you going to sell them to?

We don't know yet.

We saw the girls, and for $0.25,

they're going to give us a name of some dope who paid them

$5 for their collection.

$5?

Well, as I say, the basis of our economic system--

Can I have the jar, please, Mr. Nelson?

Yeah, let's hurry up before the word gets around.

As I say, the basis of our economic system

is the inexorable law of supply and demand.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by your gas company.

Which helps you live modern for less with gas.

That's what we Nelsons do.