Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Kris.

Hi, Rick. Hi, Jimmy.

Hi, Wally.

See, I've been looking for you.

Want to play some cribbage?

Oh, not right now, thanks.

Say, how about throwing some darts?

No, thanks.

Ah, ooh.

Uh, chess?

How about some pinochle?

Ping pong?

Lacrosse?

- Lacrosse? - Well, yeah, out back.

There's a couple of old lacrosse sticks down in the basement.

How about it?

I've got some more work to finish here.

Jimmy?

No, thanks.

Well, OK.

Oh, hiya, Pete. Hi.

Leaving town?

No, I'm just going to stay here

at the house for a couple of nights.

Oh, well, I was going to ask about the little woman,

but I guess I better not now.

We didn't have a fight, if that's what you're driving at.

A fight? Who said anything about a fight?

A married man shows up at his old fraternity house carrying

a suitcase and announces he's going to stay a couple of days,

there can only be one obvious reason.

A class reunion?

My wife and I didn't have a fight.

Oh, of course not.

He just decided to leave her for a couple of days.

That's all. Well, I had to.

It's the only way I could get any studying done.

Well, that's a good excuse.

Well, if you guys were married,

you'd understand what I'm talking about.

Rick's married.

Yeah, but his wife's not going to school with him.

You don't have a minute to yourself.

You have to have lunch with them, coffee with them.

Every time you turn around, there they

are trying to be nice to you

Well, I still don't understand why you can't study at home.

Because I made the mistake of telling her the same thing

I just told you.

Say, as long as you're here, how about some cribbage?

No, thanks.

Chess?

Want to throw some darts?

A little pinochle?

Ping pong?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Ow!

Anybody want some more coffee?

Yeah, I think I'll have some more.

That's fine, thanks.

How's old Wally doing these days?

I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks.

Still fat and sassy?

Oh, yeah, same as ever.

When are he and Ginger going to get married?

Well, maybe never after today.

What, did they have a fight or something?

No, not exactly.

But do you remember Pete Peterson?

Yeah, I think so.

He used to be in the Scouts with you, didn't he?

Yeah, that's the guy.

What, is he going with Ginger now?

No, no. He's married.

He's married and he's going out with somebody else?

Now, wait a second.

That's how fights start in bar rooms.

You remember Betty Howard?

No.

Oh.

Well, I guess it's really not important.

Well, what's she got to do with Wally?

Well, nothing.

I was just trying to tell you what happened to Pete Peterson.

Maybe we better start all over.

Well, wait a second.

Hold it.

As long as we're going to start all over again, I went up here,

and I got the coffee pot, and I came down, and I said,

anybody want some more coffee?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, I've already got some.

Well, anyway.

Oh, what was I talking about?

Uh, Pete Peterson.

Oh, yeah.

Well, he's going to stay at the fraternity

for a couple of days.

It seems that he and his wife are

in a lot of the same classes together.

Gee, that sounds like fun.

Oh, well yeah, I guess so.

Weren't you thinking about going back to school this year,

Kris? Yeah.

In fact, I still think I might.

Well, anyway, since they're both on the campus

and attending a lot of the same classes,

they see each other practically all day long.

Gee, they're lucky.

Wouldn't it be fun if we could spend the whole day together?

Well, yeah.

Well, you don't sound very enthusiastic.

I was just thinking it over.

Thanks a lot.

You know, you wouldn't have to carry a full schedule.

You could just take a few of the subjects that interest you.

I know.

And they have some great courses.

I was looking through the catalog the other night.

I think it'd be a lot of fun.

Then you and Rick could have lunch together every day

and study together.

They have a great Home Economics department over there

and one of the best art teachers in the country.

Don't bother with those, dear. I'll do them later.

Oh, that's OK. It'll only take a second.

Uh, Rick, what is this about Pete Peterson?

Oh, nothing really.

I just hope it doesn't happen to me.

Here's a class at 11:00.

Do you have anything at 11:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

Yeah, Real Property.

Good, then we'll both be free at 12:00.

And we can have lunch together.

Look, are you sure you want to go through with this?

Well, sure.

Don't you want me to?

Well, I guess so, if you want to.

Of course, I do.

Now, what about Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at noon?

Yeah, I guess I'm free.

Oh, wait a second.

This art class I want to take starts at noon.

Well, that's OK, isn't it?

Well, then we couldn't have lunch together.

We don't have lunch together now.

I know. That's the whole point.

I'm trying to work out this schedule so we'll

have some time together.

OK, don't get mad at me.

Hey, here's the same class starting at 2:00.

What do you have at 2:00?

I'm down at the law office, working by that time.

Good.

I won't be worried about not seeing you then.

Look, it's a big campus with a lot of students.

We're not going to be strolling around hand in hand all day.

Well, I know that.

But even if I just see you across the campus once

in a while, it'll be enough.

OK.

Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't I take some law courses?

Then I could help you with your studies.

I have a better idea.

Why don't you turn off the light and go to sleep?

That would really help me with my studies.

OK, I won't say another word.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

I got all my books.

Oh, that's good.

What are you reading?

I have a test in Contracts next period.

Oh, I'm sorry. I won't bother you then.

Oh, that's OK.

Did you order for me?

No, I didn't know what you wanted.

Well, what are you having?

What'd you say?

What are you having?

- A chocolate malt. - Chocolate malt?

Is that all you're having for lunch?

Yeah, it's all I want.

That's not enough.

Well, don't worry about it.

I'll get something else later.

Rick, just one more thing--

Come on, will ya?

I've got to finish this chapter.

I'm sorry, but this is important.

Tomorrow, I'm going to make some sandwiches

and fix a thermos of homemade soup.

OK.

And we're going to eat outside.

A little fresh air and sunshine would do you good.

So go ahead and study. I won't bother you anymore.

- Hi, Kris. - Hi, Jack.

Shh. he's studying.

Oh, sorry.

What will you have?

I'll have a hamburger and a glass of milk.

OK.

Rick are you sure you don't want anything else?

Yes, I'm sure I don't want anything else.

He doesn't want anything else.

OK.

- You need any help? - Oh, no, I can manage.

Thanks. This is my husband.

My art teacher, Mr. Phillips. How do you do?

Oh, how are you, Mr. Nelson?

Why don't you put that stuff over there?

There's no hurry.

Our model can't make it today.

Oh, that's a shame.

Well, see you later.

Hey, wait a minute, maybe Rick could model.

You don't have a class right now, do you?

- Well, no. - We'd sure appreciate it.

All you have to do is stand there.

Come on.

There we are.

That's fine.

Now, add this for a bit of color.

And a sword.

Hey, that looks great.

Girls, this is Mr. Nelson, who's

going to model for us today.

No sign of Rick yet?

No, not yet.

- Hi. - What happened?

You're an hour and a half late. Gee, I'm sorry.

I couldn't help it.

Kris got hung up on one of her classes.

That's great, but Kris doesn't work here.

You do.

Well, I had to wait for her.

Gee, Rick, this is the third time this week

this has happened.

I'm sorry.

Well, now that you're here, let's get some work done.

Look, I'll get started just as soon as I get back.

- Get back? - Yeah, Kris is downstairs.

She's double parked.

I have to drive her home.

You must be kidding.

That's it, folks. Just keep laughing.

I'll be right back.

Can't you let that go for now?

Not very well.

It's almost 8:30.

Well, I just wanted to talk to you.

Go ahead. I can hear you.

Well, I thought we could go in the other room and sit down.

Well, I really don't have the time.

I've got to clean this place up, change the sheets on the bed.

And then I have some studying to do.

And so do you.

Well, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

Don't you think you've taken on a little too much?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, you've got as much as you

can handle right here at home.

OK.

The house is a mess and I know it,

but I'm doing the best I can.

Well, that's not the point.

I feel that I should be helping you with this stuff.

But I just don't have the time, not with all the studying

and working at the law office.

And I don't seem to be able to get any studying

done at lunch hour anymore.

I'm always late for classes and for work.

What you're really trying to say

is that you're getting sick and tired

of seeing me all the time, that I'm getting in the way.

Well, you know that's not true.

OK.

I'll just do my best to avoid seeing you

on the campus from now on.

I'll pretend I don't even know you.

Come on now, you know wouldn't work.

Well, maybe it'd be a better idea if I just

quit school altogether.

Then I'd have time to do the housework

and I wouldn't be interfering with all your activities.

Well, look, why don't we forget it for now

and talk about it a little later?

You mean she's not coming to school anymore?

She's just going to quit?

Well, that's what she says.

Well, I must admit, I have to hand it to you.

You sure told her off. What do you mean told her off?

- Of course, I didn't. - Oh, come on now.

Who are you kidding?

I knew it wasn't working out.

Well, it's just that we didn't have things organized

as well as we should have. Hey, that looks good.

Can I have a bite of that? Yeah, help yourself.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, this is good.

Kris make this?

Yeah.

Well, she can't be very mad at you.

What else you got there? Homemade apple pie?

That's right. And keep your hands off it.

Well, I'll say this, you sure know how to handle women.

Are you kidding?

This is just a kind of a game she's playing.

She's going to show her unreasonable husband that she

can be the perfect homemaker.

Well, I wish she'd teach a couple of those games

to Ginger.

Every time she gets mad at me, she

hauls off and clobbers me one.

And one of these days, I'm going to clobber her right back.

What was that, fatso?

Oh, I was teasing.

I saw you sneaking up in back of me.

Where's Kris?

I haven't seen her all day.

Oh, I'm sure she'll be here tomorrow.

There was just a little misunderstanding.

Oh, he's just being modest.

Rick told her to quit messing around

and stay home and do the housework.

I didn't say that.

Well, gee, I hope not.

Why wasn't she in class then?

Because she's staying home where she belongs.

Wally.

You mean you don't approve of girls going to college?

I didn't say that.

Oh, no, that doesn't bother him,

as long as they do the housework first and don't interfere

with their husband on campus.

Well, what's wrong with that?

I think it's about time we men asserted ourselves.

Aw, shut up.

I'm just kidding, sweetie pie.

Come on, Ginger.

Let's go to class while we're still allowed to attend.

And tell Kris she can move into the sorority any time

she wants.

Hm.

Well, if there's anything I can't stand, it's a fresh dame.

Look, will you do me a favor and stop taking my side?

I'm having enough trouble with Kris as it is.

Well, I was only trying to help.

Hiya, fellas. Oh, hiya, Pete.

Hiya, Pete.

Say, don't be surprised if Rick moves over

to the fraternity house any day.

And maybe he can move in with you.

I'm not staying over at the house.

I'm living at home.

Well, I thought you had a little disagreement

with your wife about studying or something.

Oh, no, we straighten that out.

I was just being stubborn.

I went back the same night.

Oh, well, that's good.

Now, the way I look at it, marriage

is a 50/50 proposition.

And any guy who has a wife who thinks enough of him

to want to spend 24 hours a day with him,

well, he's a pretty lucky guy.

- Yeah, I guess you're right. - Well, I better be going.

I got to meet Betty over at the library.

We're having a little picnic. So long, Pete.

Bye, Pete.

Well, I'll see you around.

Wait a second, I'm going to the same class you are.

Well, I know.

But if you don't mind, I'd rather walk on ahead.

I don't want to be seen hanging around the campus with a loser.

Hi.

Congratulations.

You're right on time.

As a matter of fact, you're a little early.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Well, I'll be right back, Dave.

Wait a second. Where are you going?

Well, I have to go home for a few minutes.

There's something I have to straighten out with Kris.

Kris?

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi.

What are you doing home so early?

Well, I've got to get back to work.

I just wanted to talk to you. What about?

Well, I've been thinking about our little discussion

last night.

And I was wrong.

No, you weren't.

You were absolutely right.

No, I wasn't.

Now, look, why don't you come back to school?

And let's forget about the whole thing.

I don't think I should.

I've been thinking it over.

And what you said makes sense.

Now, wait a second.

You don't have to do this, at least not right now.

Yes, I do.

If I don't do it now, I'll have to do it tonight.

And then you won't be able to study.

I don't have to study tonight.

I've got plenty of time to study at school now that you're not--

I mean--

I know just what you mean.

Hi.

Hi.

Sorry, I had a little problem at home.

Well, that's OK.

There's nothing really important here anyway.

I would like to get some stamps on these letters

and get them out, though.

OK.

Kris going back to school isn't working out so good, huh?

Well, we were spending so much time together at classes,

on the campus, at lunch, neither one of us

was getting anything done.

Well, why don't you just explain that to her?

Well, I did.

She got mad at me and quit school.

Well, at least you got a good title there,

"I Married A Dropout."

That's the only time it hurts, when I laugh.

I think she'll change her mind in a couple of days, though.

Well, you've got nothing to worry about.

Well, except if she misses too many classes,

she'll have an awful job making up the work.

Well, why don't you just get somebody to sit in for her,

take notes?

Without telling her about it, of course.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Thanks a lot.

Wait a minute. Where are you going?

Well, Kris has a class in 15 minutes.

If I hurry, I'll just make it.

Kris?

Oh, you're not Kris.

No, I'm just taking notes for her.

I'm her husband.

Oh.

Yeah, I've heard about you.

What's wrong with girls going to college

and getting an education anyway?

I beg your pardon?

Forget it.

He doesn't believe in girls going to college

and getting an education.

All right, class, will you please open your books

to chapter 7?

- Good afternoon, Mr. Nelson. - Hello, Mr. Phillips.

My wife can't make it today.

So I thought I'd stop by and take some notes.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you.

But I'm not lecturing today.

We're just about to do some sketching.

Oh, well, I'm not very good at sketching.

Say, as long as you're here, I would appreciate it

if you'd help us out.

Ms. Evans, would you get the leotard out of the closet,

please?

- Hey, Jimmy. - Oh, hi, Rick.

Have you got a class right now?

No, why?

Well, I've been trying to cover Kris's classes for her.

And I've got one of my own this period.

Oh, well, gee.

I was just going to play some handball.

Oh, come on, will you?

I've got to go clear across the campus to the law school.

Yeah, OK.

Oh, thanks.

Here's her notebook and her textbook, room H14.

Dress designing?

Hey, wait!

I've been running my head off.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Has she shown any sign of changing her mind?

Oh, who knows?

All I know is I've been missing have my own classes trying

to keep up with hers, which reminds me,

she's got another class in 20 minutes.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry, old boy, but you're not making it today.

Well, I've got to.

It'll mess everything up. Well, I'm sorry about that.

But I told Judge Willoughby you bring these contracts

over to his office by 2:00.

And it's quarter of now.

Why can't you send a messenger?

Because it's highly personal and confidential business.

Besides, I am sending a messenger, you.

What about Kris's class?

Who's going to take notes for it?

OK.

Kris?

Oh, you're not even her husband.

No, I'm her husband's brother.

Uh, her brother-in-law.

Well, do you believe in girls going to college

and getting an education?

Oh, definitely, especially my sister-in-law.

I'd like you to turn your attention to chapter 4, please.

Oh, hi, mom.

Rick called me to come down and take over,

so you could get back to work. Oh, gee.

Thanks a lot.

Now, I'll be sketching a diagram similar to the one

found on page 19.

What page was that?

Page 19.

I'm his mother.

Let's try to capture the overall mood

and feeling of this rather than concerning ourselves

with details.

Would our model please stand up just a little bit straighter?

Look, if this is some kind of a joke, it just isn't funny.

I've got two more classes to go to this afternoon.

Relax, will ya?

There are some people over here that would

like a few words with you.

Now, step this way, please.

This better be good.

I believe you know everybody-- your mother, your father,

your brother, Dave. Hi, Rick.

Hi, Rick.

What's this all about?

Well, mostly about you.

We thought it might be a good idea if we all got together

to see if we could help you work out your situation with Kris,

that's if you don't mind.

Heck no, I'd appreciate it.

Actually, I can't take too much more of this.

I think we should add that our motives are purely selfish.

As far as I'm concerned, I'd like

to get some work done at the office.

And I'm thinking of suing the art class.

Tell me, do you really think I look like this?

Tell him what's been happening to you, Mrs. Nelson.

Well, the boys keep whistling at me every time

I cross the campus.

Of course, it's not too bad.

My point is it's disrupting everybody's life.

This whole thing has gotten completely out of hand.

Well, if anybody's got any suggestions, go right ahead.

Well, Pop?

Well, yeah, we have a very definite suggestion.

We've worked out a plan we'd like to submit to you.

A plan?

That's right.

The family's reached a decision.

Well, I consider myself an honorary member.

OK, what do I do?

Well, it's really quite simple.

As the husband and head of your family,

it's your duty to put your foot down.

Tell Kris to stop all this nonsense

and get back to school.

Are you kidding?

How do I do that?

Well, it's easy.

First, you give her these roses, and this box of candy,

and these two tickets to the theater.

It's a very good play, incidentally.

And I've made reservations for a late supper at Benzoni's.

It's the very best, most expensive restaurant in town.

And naturally, the family's picking up the check.

Of course, I'm only an honorary member.

Wow, thank you, one and all.

This will really show her who's boss.

Wasn't this a wonderful evening?

Yeah, I thought so.

You know something?

You're beautiful.

OK, you win.

I'll go back to school.

Wait a second. I haven't even asked you yet.

You didn't have to.

I know what you're up to.

I really wanted you to go back, you know?

I know. And I really wanted to.

And from now on, I'll go to my classes

and you go to your classes.

And I promise to keep out of your way.

Well, you won't have to try too hard.

You've got a lot of work to catch up on.

Oh, incidentally, you've got a quiz tomorrow.

A quiz?

Well, then I better study.

What's your hurry?

Well, you don't want me to flunk, do you?

Well, I guess you're right.

And incidentally, your big trouble

is you give up too easily.

There's nothing I can say.

There's nothing I can do to make you care for me the way

I care for you.

I'm so in love with you.

I'll always be that way.

If you don't feel it too, there's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can say, except to pray that there'll

come a day when love will start a flame in your heart

to make you care for me.

To make you care for me.

The way I care for you.

The way I care for you.

That's all that I can say.

That's all that I can say.

That's all that I can do.

That's all that I can do.

I'm so in love with you.

I'll always be that way.

Until you feel it too, there's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can say.

I'm so in love with you.

There's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can say.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by Ajax Laundry Detergent that puts

white strength in your wash.

New Ajax Laundry Detergent, with Ultramarine Plus.

Its stronger than dirt.