Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Kris.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by your gas company,

with pipeline companies and gas appliance and equipment

manufacturers who help you and your family

live modern for less with gas.

That's what we do at our house.

Rick?

Oh, hi.

Hi!

Where you been?

I just went across the street to talk to Betty for a while.

Mm. What's new with her?

- Nothing. - Nothing?

She wasn't home.

Oh, I was wondering.

What's new with you?

- Nothing. - What do you mean?

Wasn't anybody home at the office?

Well, let's see.

There was David, Mr. Kelly, Connie,

the girl across the hall, the mailman,

and a couple of clients.

What was going on?

Oh, I don't know.

It was so crowded I couldn't see.

Very funny.

Hey, something sure smells good.

What are we having for dinner?

Leg of lamb, browned potatoes, carrots, string beans,

and don't change the subject.

What was the subject?

Well, we were talking about the office.

Oh, yeah.

And no fair taking samples till you tell me something.

OK. I love you.

Yes, and I love you too, but we

were talking about the office.

Well, let's see.

I was only there for a couple of hours after school.

Oh, here's something pretty exciting.

You want to sit down?

No, I think I can stand it.

Well, I delivered seven copies of a 14-page contract to Judge

Willoughby.

Say, that is exciting.

But what I really meant was something,

like, well, how is Miss Edwards wearing her hair?

Well, I don't know, same way she always wears it, I guess.

The girl across the hall was wearing her hair different,

though. It was up or down or something.

It looked very nice.

I must say you're not very observing.

I am so.

OK.

What am I wearing?

Well, let's see.

Purple polka-dot suit, a blue fedora hat,

gold-spangled earrings, patent leather boots

with spiked heels, and green-and-white striped

bloomers, right?

Well, you were close.

- Miss Edwards? - Yes.

What color would you call that suit, fire engine red?

Yeah, or vermilion.

Would you step over here, please?

Now, what about your hair.

What would you call that?

Right now it kind of feels like it's a mess.

No, it looks fine.

I mean, what color is it?

What do you mean what color?

I'm not sure I like this whole idea.

Let's see.

I'd call it honey blonde.

Connie, would you bring me the file on the Harrison case,

please? OK.

Let's see, Dave.

You're wearing a brown sport coat, brown slacks,

brown shoes, and blue socks?

They're not blue. They're black.

They just faded. What are you doing, anyway?

I'm just collecting a little information

to take home to Kris tonight.

That sounds familiar.

Why don't you do what I do?

Just make up a few things while you're driving home.

It's more exciting that way.

I don't think I ought to be listening to this.

Well, that's OK. I trust you.

- Connie? - Oh, hi, Sheila.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy.

Oh, that's OK. What can I do for you?

Well, I was just wondering, do you have any carbon paper

I could borrow? Sure.

Help yourself. It's in the top drawer.

- Oh, thanks. - Here, I'll get it for you.

Thank you.

How much do you need?

Just a couple of sheets will do fine.

- Your name's Sheila, huh? - Yeah.

You're Rick Nelson, aren't you? Yeah, that's right.

I'm Dave's brother.

I'm just clerking here after school.

That's what I thought.

I know I've seen you around a few times.

Thanks for the carbon.

Oh, if you don't mind, there are a few details

I'd like to clear up.

Details?

Yeah, just some general information--

the name of the company you work for, your approximate height,

weight, other vital statistics, your Social Security number,

your favorite dessert, and the name of your hairdresser.

Boy, I'm glad I didn't want to borrow a typewriter.

Hi!

Hi.

How are things at the--

never mind. Oh, wait a minute.

What were you going to say? Nothing.

Yes, you were.

You were going to ask me how are things at the office,

weren't you?

- Well, almost. - Well, that's close enough.

Come here. Sit down.

Now, did you say how are things at the office?

Well, David was wearing an old brown suit, brown shoes,

and black socks that looked blue.

Now, he and June are going to a show tonight,

but David would rather go bowling.

Miss Edwards was wearing a red suit.

Her hair was combed nicely, but she said it was a mess.

And she won $2.85 at poker last night.

And Sheila was wearing--

Oh, wait a second.

Who's Sheila?

I'm glad you asked.

That's the girl across the hall.

She's 5 foot 2 and weighs 110 pounds,

and she's a receptionist for a wholesale hosiery firm.

Her hobbies are skiing, swimming, and dancing.

And she lives about six blocks from here on Forest Avenue.

She got straight As right up through the sixth grade.

Then when she got in junior high school,

her grades fell off just a little

because she got interested in boys.

She was also in the choir, a member of the Chess, Checkers,

and Cribbage Club, and was a goalie on the field hockey

team.

Hey, don't stop to eat.

I can hardly wait to hear what happens next.

Well, I'll tell you the rest while we're doing the dishes.

You didn't tell me one thing.

What's that?

Is she pretty?

Yeah, I guess so. What's the matter?

Are you jealous?

Of course not.

Well, don't just sit there.

Answer the phone.

Hello?

Yes, he's here.

Just a minute, please.

It's for you, and it's a girl.

Who is it, Miss Edwards?

Doesn't sound like it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Sheila.

Sheila, the field hockey champion?

Shh.

Uh, what can I do for you?

Oh, gee, that's too bad.

Well, sure, I'd be glad to.

No, really, it's no trouble at all.

Fine.

I'll pick you up about 8:30.

8:30?

In the morning.

Yeah, OK.

Bye.

What was that all about?

Oh, that was Sheila.

I know that, but what about 8:30 in the morning?

Oh, her car has to go into the shop,

and she's wondering if I could pick her up and give her

a lift into work.

Gee, I wonder why she called me? Why not?

You've been talking to her all afternoon at the office.

No, I hardly talk to her at all.

I made up most of that stuff on the way home.

You drove her home?

No, of course not.

What are you laughing about?

Well, I was just thinking, I wouldn't even

know her name if you hadn't been so curious about what

went on at the office. I know.

That's what makes me so mad.

Look, I'll make a deal with you.

When I come home from work tomorrow night,

I won't say a word about what happened all day.

Oh, no, you don't.

When you come home from work tomorrow night,

I want to know everything that's happened.

Well, she phoned last night and asked if she

could ride in with me today.

I couldn't very well say no.

Least that's what you told Kris.

Well, yeah, but it's the truth.

Her car is being fixed.

There's nothing wrong in driving her in to work, is there?

- Not as far as I'm concerned. - Rick?

- Oh, hi! - Hi.

I talked to the man at the garage,

and my car won't be ready tonight after all.

So I wonder if you'd mind giving me a ride home.

- Oh, no, not at all. - Oh, thanks!

I really appreciate it. I'll see you later then.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Boy, you really put up a struggle, didn't you?

Well, what was I going to do?

Besides, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

I'm just giving a fellow worker a ride home.

That's a good line.

Kris might go for that one.

Hey, Dave, she's one of your fellow workers too.

And after all, you've been married longer than I have.

Why don't you give her a ride home?

Sorry, old boy.

I'm not going that way, no matter which way it is.

- Connie? - Yeah?

Maybe she could go with you.

Well, fine, except that she lives out that way,

and I live out that way.

Might be kind of difficult to get a bus that goes both ways.

- Hi! - Hi!

I didn't hear you come in.

How long have you been here?

Oh, about a half hour.

15 minutes?

OK.

I just sneaked in.

- You're a little late. - Yeah, I know I am.

I'm sorry.

I called my mother, and she said it'd

be all right to ask you why.

Well, to tell you the truth, I got

roped into driving Sheila home.

I thought you were just going to take her to work!

Well, her car wasn't ready.

I still wouldn't have been late, but after all, she has to eat.

You mean you took her to dinner?

Well, no, of course not.

She just wanted to stop off at the market.

Well, I guess I might as well forgive you,

but don't let it happen again.

OK.

Oh, I was talking to June this afternoon.

She said she and Dave went bowling last night after all.

- Oh, no, kidding? - Yeah.

They had a pretty good time too.

Oh, that's good.

Wally called to remind you about the fraternity meeting

Thursday night.

OK, thanks.

I think they finally sold that house on the corner.

Oh, good.

And what'd you talk about?

What do you mean?

With that woman you were driving all over town.

Oh, well, mostly we were talking about jealous wives.

Well, can you blame me when my husband's driving this

attractive-looking girl to work every day?

It's not every day.

Then she is attractive.

Are you kidding?

She's just a girl, a plain, ordinary, average,

wholesome-looking girl.

Yeah, I'll bet.

But I'll tell you what.

Why don't you stop by the office tomorrow, and I'll take you

both out to lunch.

Then you can meet her and judge for yourself.

What do you think I am, some kind of a jealous nut

or something? Yeah.

You're right.

I'll be there at 12:00 sharp.

Oh, thanks.

Isn't Rick here yet?

Oh, not yet.

- Hi. - Oh, hi, Rick.

Where you been? Gee, I'm sorry.

I got hung up at school.

I had to take some books back to the library.

Gee, it's practically lunch time.

You got a lot of work to do.

Well, can't it wait till later?

Well, some of it can.

But Judge Roberts is waiting for the Harrison contracts.

And you still haven't finished that brief on the tax case.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Oh, darn, I was supposed to take Sheila and Kris to lunch today.

Sheila and Kris?

Well, yeah.

Well, in that case, I think I'm doing you a favor

if you have to call it off.

Aw, it's nothing like that.

I just thought if I could get the two of them together--

That's OK.

I hear enough of that stuff in court.

I hate to rush you, Dave, but you better get going.

OK.

Thanks.

Gee, I'm sorry it worked out this way, Rick.

That's all right. It's probably for the best.

Well, good luck.

I'll see you later.

So long.

I guess I better call Kris.

Oh, would you mind calling Sheila and telling her

I can't make it? OK, chicken.

Hello?

Oh, hi, I was just leaving.

Oh, I'm glad I caught you then.

Gee, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to call off the lunch.

What's the matter, your girlfriend get cold feet?

No, I was the one.

I have so much to do here at the office I just can't make it.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's OK.

It was probably kind of a silly idea anyway.

Oh, no, I'd really like to have you meet her.

Well, maybe some other time.

You're not going to go without lunch, are you?

Oh, no, I'll just grab a quick sandwich or something.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

Did you get your wife?

Yeah, everything's OK.

Good, same with your girlfriend.

Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

I think I'll have a hamburger and a glass of milk.

Thank you.

Well, hi, Rick!

Oh, hi, Sheila.

I was just going to have a sandwich.

Yeah, same here.

Gee, I'm sorry about having to call off our lunch date,

but I'm really snowed under at the office.

Oh, that's OK.

Besides, we're having lunch together anyway, aren't we?

Yeah, I guess we are, at that.

So he drove her to work.

Then the garage called and said they didn't have a car ready,

so he drove her back home again last night.

Oh, yes, and he stopped off at the market

so she could do her shopping.

Sounds exciting.

Well, we almost had a little excitement today.

Rick suggested that he take us both to lunch

so I could meet her and see for myself how

wholesome and uninteresting she was.

And what happened?

Nothing.

He phoned at the last minute to say he had too much work to do.

Personally I think he chickened out.

So I ordered a sandwich, and I looked around,

and there she was sitting right next to me.

And you mean you had lunch together, just you

and the girl without Kris?

Please, Pop, not so loud.

Oh.

You mean you haven't told Kris about it?

Haven't told Kris about what?

Oh!

What have we here?

Haven't told Kris about what?

I think I'll go out in the kitchen

and see if I can help your mother.

Uh, Pop--

Haven't told Kris about what, I keep saying?

Well, the funniest thing happened to me on my way

to the lunch counter.

Need any help out here?

No, thanks.

What's the matter?

What do you mean, what's the matter?

You've got kind of a funny look on your face.

Do you mean funnier than usual?

You know what I mean.

What's going on that that you know about

and you don't want me to know about?

What's this?

He had lunch with her!

Oh, pardon me.

Rick's out there all alone. He had lunch with the girl?

Yeah, he claims he just went to the lunch counter.

She just happened to be there.

Well, it's possible.

Don't you think he seems to be running into her an awful lot

lately?

Well, after all, she works right across the hall from him.

I sure wish she'd get another job.

I wouldn't worry about it.

You doing anything special tomorrow?

Not that I can think of. Why?

I wonder what time her coffee break is.

I don't know. There aren't many people here.

Well, it's probably still early.

I'm beginning to feel a little silly.

I was just thinking the same thing myself.

Well, what do you think?

I think I'm ready to forget the whole thing.

Well, as long as we're here, why

don't we go upstairs and say hello to Rick?

Let's go.

Gee, I'm sorry. They're not here.

Dave's in court, and Rick has a class.

He probably won't be back for about an hour.

- Oh, that's a shame. - Yeah.

Can I help you with anything?

Oh, no, we were just in the neighborhood

and thought we'd stop by and say hello.

Well, I'll tell Rick you were looking for him.

Oh, don't bother.

It wasn't that important. We'll see you later, Connie.

OK. Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, and Kris? Yeah?

She works in the office across the hall, room 314, Miller,

Wagner, and Delaney.

Bye, Connie.

Bye.

Do you suppose she's in there now?

Well, Rick said she was a receptionist.

This is it, isn't it?

Connie said Miller, Wagner, and Delaney.

Pardon me.

You see anything?

Couple of empty chairs and the water cooler.

Why don't we go in and pretend we're in the wrong office?

All right.

No, but I expect him back in about an hour.

Oh, yes, I'll be here until 5 o'clock.

Yes.

I'll tell him.

All right.

Thank you.

May I help you?

Oh, I'm not sure.

Are you the receptionist?

Yes, I am.

Oh, well, thank you.

I think we were looking for the office across the hall.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

Oh, brother.

Yeah.

So that's just a plain, ordinary,

harmless-looking girl.

Who said that?

My husband. And he should know.

He spent the whole week taking her to lunch

and driving her all over town.

Oh, well, maybe he--

you know, things like that--

uh, there's the elevator.

Hi.

Hi, Rick.

- Is Dave back yet? - Oh, no, not yet.

Any important clients asking for me?

Yeah, a couple, but I handled their cases myself.

Oh, good for you.

Did have a couple of visitors, though.

Oh who's that?

Your mom and Kris.

No kidding.

What did they want?

Nothing special, I guess.

I mean, what'd they say?

Well, they said hello and how are you.

Oh, come on. You know what I mean.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just trying to make up my mind whose side I'm on.

Look, why don't you tell me what it is, and I'll

help you decide. Oh, wait a second.

I'll tell you.

Kris came over here to get a look at our friend

from across the hall.

Oh, you're just too smart.

No, not necessarily.

It's just that somehow Kris has got her mind made up

that Sheila's a cross between Jayne Mansfield

and the Playgirl of the month.

Hi!

Oh, hi, Sheila.

Oh, hi, Sheila, what'll it be, pencils, carbon paper?

No, thanks, not this time.

I just stopped in to say goodbye.

- Oh, no kidding. - You mean you're leaving?

That's right.

I know it's kind of sudden, but I'm getting

married a week from Saturday.

- Hey, that's great! - It sure is.

Well, thank you.

He's a wonderful guy.

I kind of have you to thank, Rick.

- Me? - Yeah.

You see, this boy and I have been going

together for about a year now.

And I think he was stalling a little.

So when he called last night I just

happened to mention the nice fella who's

been giving me all the rides to work and taking me to lunch.

And I think that did it.

Oh, yeah, I guess it would at that.

Well, I'm sure glad Kris got to meet you before you left.

Who?

Uh, Kris, my wife.

She and Rick's mom went over to meet you.

Oh, well, they must have met the new receptionist.

She started today. Oh, wait a second.

I think I saw him getting on the elevator.

Mrs. Nelson had on a green suit,

and Kris had on a yellow suit.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, Gloria said she spoke to them,

but they said they were in the wrong office.

Well, this Gloria, what does she look like?

Well, she's-- oh, here she is now.

Gloria, I'd like you to meet Connie Edwards and Rick Nelson.

Hi.

Boy, if she's a plain, average, ordinary-looking girl,

what does he think I am?

He thinks you're the loveliest girl in the world.

That's why he married you.

Maybe he's getting tired of me.

Maybe he wishes he could latch on to a real swinger.

I don't think so.

What about some of the girls he used to date?

What were they like?

Oh, there were so many.

There were?

I guess I am being pretty silly about this

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

I'll see you tomorrow, dear. OK.

Thanks a lot for the moral support, mother.

You're welcome. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Wait!

Rick, it's me!

Rick.

are you all right?

Rick, it's me.

Kris, I'm home!

Kris?

Where'd you get that crazy wig, anyway?

Oh, I had it hidden away.

I wore it in a play at school once.

I kind of like this one myself.

What about the girl who goes with it?

Yeah, she's not too bad either.

Do you like her better than that blonde bombshell you've

been taking to lunch?

Look, for the last time, Sheila

was not the blonde bombshell.

That's the new receptionist.

Oh, that's right.

Come to think of it, she's still there, isn't she?

Let's not start that again.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Tomorrow morning?

Well, sure.

What time do you want me to pick you up?

Oh, no you don't.

You're not driving any more blondes to work.

I'm awfully sorry, but my husband

won't be supplying any more rides.

Oh, OK.

I'll be happy to buy the gas, if that's

what you're worried about.

Oh, David, I'm awfully sorry.

I thought you were somebody else.

I'll see you in the morning, Dave.

You can tell we're in love, can't you?

There's nothing I can say.

There's nothing I can do to make you care for me the way

I care for you.

I'm so in love with you.

I'll always be that way.

If you don't feel it too, there's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can say except to pray, let there come a day

when love will start a flame in your heart

to make you care for me--

Make you care for me.

the way I care for you.

The way I care for you.

That's all that I can say.

That's all that I can say.

That's all that I can do.

It's all that I can do.

I'm so in love with you.

I'll always be that way.

Until you feel it too, there's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can say.

I'm so in love with you.

There's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can say.

Ooh, ooh.

Ooh, ooh.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by your gas company.

Which helps you live modern for less with gas.

That's what we Nelsons do.