All language subtitles for My.Boys.S04E07.Puss.N.Glutes.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

One thing I've learned
is that you can't make
assumptions about people,

because sometimes
they surprise you.

Aw, what a sweet kitty.

Yeah, she looks sweet,
but... No! Don't!

What is that?
Is that a purr?

I think it was a warning.

That monster belongs to Andy?

Yes, I'm taking care
of Peaches while Andy
waits for his pet visa.

I thought if I brought
her here, she'd
start to like me.

Let's play poker.
Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Hey!

Well, it's over between
me and Chrissy.

She finally placed where
she knew me from.

It wasn't traffic school.

Apparently, in a past
life, she and I were
dolphins together.

Well, at least
the story's cute.

She also said we can still
breathe under water

and she'd like
to meet in Lake Michigan.

Don't dolphins live
in salt water?

Yeah. That's the problem.

It's kind of sad,
but since I've been laid off,

this poker game is the only
real structure to my week.

Me, too. At least you got
classes coming up in the fall.

I feel like my grandmother,
just sitting around all week
waiting for NCIS: Los Angeles.

Is there really
that much Navy crime?

Grandma loves LL Cool J.

And I gotta say it,
the man is fit.

He's got me thinking
about working out again.

Hey, you've got free time.
You wanna be workout buddies?

I don't know, man. I actually
used to work out a lot, but
I got a little too intense.

What?

I can be intense.

I can.

You're still grinning.
Really?

Yeah.
How about now?

Huh?
No, man.

Man, I am so sick of dealing
with Andy's house and his cat.

Hey, Bobby, you are
free during the day,
would you mind...

I would love to,
but Kenny and I are
training for a triathlon.

Since when?

Just now, we made a pact.
I can't let him down.

You made that pact
30 seconds ago!

Ooh! We could do a biathlon.

Is that the one
with the guns?

Hey!
Hey, what's up, pal?

Did you guys read
about that guy who was
dead for two years?

And none of his neighbors
would have noticed

if he hadn't exploded
in a heat wave?

How can people be so callous?

Well, you tell me, because
I was sick as a dog and none
of you seemed concerned.

I mean, my fever was
going up so high,
I started to hallucinate.

I called you every single day

and you told me you were
fine and to stay away.

Yeah, when I called, you were
hosting a dinner party with
your Crimean War buddies.

Does anyone else hear that?

Oh, my God,
I'm still in my room.

I never made it out.

Mike, it's okay,
you're back, buddy.

You're with your friends
P.J. and Bobby
and Lord Cardigan.

I do remember one thing
from last week, and
that is that I realized

that I am ready for
a real relationship.

Yeah, why's that?

Well, while I was
puking my guts out,

I realized that I need someone
to take me to the hospital.
Or at least call an ambulance.

I wouldn't put that
in your online dating ad.

I don't want to die alone.
That's better.

It's funny. I've never had
the fear of dying alone.

For me, it was always the
fear of waking up to see
the person I'm dating

pressing a knife into my
heart and saying, "Shh."

You guys, there are smart,
attractive, non-crazy
women everywhere.

And somehow you two
only manage to see
the semi-drunk ones

stumbling around
on stripper heels.

Well, you pick
for me then.

Yeah, you can't do any
worse than dolphin girl.

We need you
to help us see.

You're like that kid
in The Sixth Sense
who can see dead people.

You're equating quality
women to dead people?

Well, if they're
over 30.

Hey-yo!

Okay, I can see that
you are really ready,
I am going to help you.

So you don't end up
hopeless like this one.

Actually, I'll take
the Brendo challenge.

You've taken him as far
as you can go, Peej.

But, to thank me,
you've got to take
over Andy house duties.

Picking up the mail and
checking the thermostat
is a small price to pay

for you helping me find
someone who will keep
me from dying.

If you want immortality,
you're going to need
to find a vampire.

I've dated,
like, three of those.

Wow.

Oh!

What more could a man want?

Robot butler?

Robot butler, will you
get the door, please?

That one was a long shot.

Hi, uh, I'm your new
neighbor, Marcia.

Um, I hate to mention this,
but was that your
dog barking last night?

Oh, no, I don't have a dog.

Oh, so, no dog?

Nope.
Maybe it was your wife?
Or your kids?

Nope, just me.

And my robot butler.
Oh!

I have a cybernetic
dog walker. We should
get them together.

We gotta be careful, though.

When robots get together,
they plot the demise
of humans.

My last boyfriend came
back through time
to tell me that.

Hey, I'm Mike.
Hi, Mike.

Well, I got to go
get some sleep.

I'm getting up early
tomorrow to look for women.

It was nice meeting
you, though.

What have they done
to the street?
Is this even legal?

It's a
farmer's market.

I have never seen
anything like this.

It involves being awake
before noon on a Sunday.

Yes, we're widening our
horizons beyond
Crowley's and the club.

There's actually
grown women here.

Safe, sane women.

And you can observe
these women and
learn a lot about them.

Well, for instance,
that woman right there,
she's buying kale.

That means she's
health conscious
and she can cook.

Her butt looks weird
in those sweats.

And she is buying
expensive soap.

And it means she smells
pretty, and not like
the crowd at Ozzfest.

Oh, God!

Brendan! Get over here.

Sorry.

Her name's Buttercup.
I got her card.

"Dancer, artiste,
lover of things?" No.

Guys, you want
a real relationship.

You've gotta shake off these
old dead habits, you know?

Get a brand new mindset.

That way, you can recognize
a real woman with potential
when she comes along.

Just point to someone.

All right,
she's right there.

Oh, I was totally
focused on the pancake floozy.

Who, by the way,
is digging me.

Mike, the journey
of 1,000 steps begins
with a single step

of ignoring the
pancake floozy.

P.J.'s cool with us
turning this into our
workout room?

Yeah, she understands our
lack of cash situation.

Oh, but we should
shut the door.
The cat's on the loose.

She let it out?
Nope.

I also took the liberty
of drawing up a little
workout circuit for us.

Cool.

Let's get ripped.
Oh, yeah!

Ooh, mac and cheese!

Now, are you extreme because
you come with a brownie?
Let's find out, my friend.

Let's find out, my friend.

Uh, hi, Mike... Marcia.

Oh, yeah.

Um, I think I got some
of your mail by accident.

Um, but it's addressed
to a Meredith. Is...

Is that a girlfriend?

Oh, no. She used
to live here.

Oh.

New York Review of Books.

Why would anyone read a
magazine of book reports?

So you can sound
smart at parties.

Oh, I knew there was a trick.

So, I'm new to
the neighborhood,

and I was thinking
of trying that Thai
place down the street.

Do you want to grab a bite?

Ooh, I kind of have
a frozen kid's dinner
I was looking forward to.

And you'd...
You'd rather eat that?

Oh, it's got
blue applesauce!

Oh, right, of course.

Gotta go, see you
around, Melanie.
It's Marcia...

Okay,
switch it up!

I'm on the Gazelle.
You blast out 50 crunches.

Crunches! Got it.

Give me a minute.
No way, man!

Get right into it.
Keep that heart
rate up.

Totally. I just need
a drink of water,
I'll jog to the kitchen.

Loving it.

Oh, yeah!
It's all coming back.

It burns, but
it burns so good!

Get back here, Kenny!
Get back here quick!

Oh, I think
I'm going to die.

First, a magazine about books,
now, a whole store of books?

I'm gonna get into
a fight in this place.

Okay, we are here to test the
skills you've developed over
the last few days, okay?

Hey, Mike and I are going
to take the stacks.

Okay, and we're going
to take the espresso bar.

Okay, look around.
What do you see?

Well, I definitely don't want
the woman who's reading
Why Men Marry Bitches.

Do I?
Good instincts.

Now, who looks interesting?

What about the girl
in new fiction?

Audrey, that's perfect.

She's my friend,
she manages the store.
She's awesome.

Wait a minute?
You know her?

You're totally
manipulating me.

Dude, you asked me
to manipulate you.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What?

Remember you are
talking to a woman, okay?

So you're going to listen,
observe, find common
interests, and as always...

No bits, no lying,
no lewd sound effects.
Nothing lewd of any kind.

And inside voice.

You're really
hamstringing me here.

Excuse me.
Yes?

Is that the new Don DeLillo?

I was just reading about
that in The New York
Review of Books.

It's a bit stripped down
for him, although Underworld
was a little bloated.

I loved the part about
stealing the baseball.
Don't you think?

What are your thoughts?
I'm listening.

All right, first, I want
you to point out the
craziest woman here.

Uh, easy.

The barista with the nose
piercing and the neck tattoo.

Hates it here,
hates her band.

I want to take her away
from all of that.

Uh-uh, Brendan,
stay with me. Focus.

Now, who's the
most sane woman?

Mmm...

The one reading the Time
magazine, with a purse too
small to carry a human head.

Good, now you
can go talk to her.

But no matter how
much she likes you,
or how well it goes,

you're going to leave
this bookstore alone.

Why?

All right.

Hi, I'm Brendan. Um, do you
believe in past lives?

No, I don't.

In that case, would you like
to meet me for the first time?

Yes, if you can agree
that that was the
worst pickup line ever.

Got nowhere to go
but up from here.

Yeah?

Obviously, you are
ignoring my notes,

because your sprinklers
keep flooding my azaleas.

Oh! You're Marcia.

Seriously? Wow.

It's hard to believe
you have trouble
meeting women.

No, I met one.
I used that book report
magazine trick.

I'm so happy for you.
Now, can you fix
the sprinklers?

I've got to be
honest with you.

I can't find the controls
for those sprinklers.

I can put
a trash can over it.

Oh, none for me.
Thanks, dude.
Kenny either.

No?
No.

Dude,
we're in training.

What are you
drinking then?
Whey smoothie.

Well, this is
a hops smoothie.

And it not only tastes good,
but makes me happy.

And this
makes me happy.

Just drink your
mud shake there,
Jack LaLanne.

Hey, how'd your
woman search go?

Great. Thanks to P.J.,
I met Audrey.

Have you been to
her dorm room yet?

As a matter of fact,
Audrey is much closer to
my age than you would think,

which is a good thing.

I'm not used to
talking to a woman

who remembers
the 1984 Cubs,
let alone 1984.

Does she remember
who Jack LaLanne is?

Because I just
had to Google him.

Brendan,
how did things go
with Megan after I left?

Awesome.
We actually had a really
lovely afternoon together.

Walked her
all the way home,
didn't even go inside.

No sex yet.

I'm actually really
looking forward to getting

a night of sleep
with both eyes closed.

You know, you can
join us, if you want.

We're going to
a jazz concert tomorrow.

Who's we?
Step two with Audrey.

Engage in an activity
where you get to
know her better.

Plus, I already
invited her, so...

But does it
have to be tomorrow?

Yes, Mike.
A connection was made.

You've got to
seize the day.

You gotta
capitalize on it.

The good ones don't wait.

You're going to jazz.

In a bar?
At a museum.

Mike is watching
jazz at a museum.

To be a fly on the wall.

Oh, I promise,
we are going to have fun.

Who's we?

You and me,
fly on the wall.

No one is
safe from jazz!

Wait. Us too?

Mmm-hmm.
I love jazz.

Is it the museum
with the submarine?

No. Art.

Art? Jazz? Books?

It's like the
trifecta of boring.

Hey!
Look who showed up.

Don't worry, man,
I won't bust you too hard.
This'll just be a warning.

Warning?

Yeah, next time,
you owe me a set of squats
for each minute you're late.

I'm sore.

I'm really sore.
Why aren't you sore?

Your body's just
adjusting, man.

You did this to me.

Tie my shoe?

It's just the lactic acid
building up in your muscles.

You're actually sore
from not working out.

I don't know.

I've not worked out a lot
and never been this sore.

Trust me.
We gotta get you
back on the horse.

Here we go.
Get ready for it!

Oh, hi.
Do these look jazzy?

Okay, um, I got your note.

It said to see you.
And you spelled
my name wrong.

Right. I just wanted
to apologize about the
whole sprinkler thing.

I kind of
felt like a jerk.

So, um, uh...

I bought you
some new azaleas.

Those are marigolds.
How do you know?

There's a card
that says marigolds.

Yeah, look at that.

That was kind of sweet.
And you look nice.

Oh, thanks.
Oh, it's not for you.
I have a date.

Well, don't
let me keep you.

I'm actually kind
of dreading it.

It involves jazz
and a museum.

Well, enjoy it.
I have a date, too.

He's giving me
a root canal at the
sewage treatment plant.

Or, uh, you and I could
both go get some Thai?

No, actually
I have plans.

Uh, I'm supposed to
play floor hockey
and drink beer.

And I'm supposed
to have ice cream on
the back of a unicorn.

No,
the floor hockey
and beer are real.

I'd ask you to come,
but you have a date.

So,
maybe another time.

Wait. I'm coming.

That jazz thing is more
of a group thing, anyway.

I'm sure Mike
is working late.

He has a great new job.
I told you, right?

Yeah, great job.
It sounds great.

Oh, it's great.

Brendan, did you want
an egg salad sandwich?

You made that for me?

Could I put
my arm around you?

Uh...

Please.

Put your arm
around me, Kenny.

Put your head
down a little.

Help me out. Ow!
Just forget it.

I'm trying!
You look nice.

You know, Audrey,
the one thing you need
to know about Mike is...

He's not coming.

What?

"Something came up."

Okay, he's not
going to die alone,

because I'm going to kill him.

Hey, somebody's gonna
have to shuffle for me.

Yeah, what'd you
do to your shoulder, man?

I injured it.
The doctor says I have to
stay off it for a while.

Until it's less injured.

Aw, such a bummer.
I know.

Well, we can just
focus on legs for
the next few days.

Or cardio.
No!

Uh, the doctor specifically
said no exercise.

Of any kind.

Dude! For how long?

I think, like, a year.

Hey.
Aw, Mike.

You want my help.
I introduce you to
somebody I actually like.

And what do you do?

P.J., let me explain.
What's to explain?
You blew off my friend!

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to hurt Audrey.

Don't worry.
She's not hurt.

We all spent
the better part of jazz

telling her
what a grade A
asshole you are.

There's a better part
of jazz?

I know I screwed up.
And I'm sorry, but...

It's because
I met somebody.

Oh, no. It's not
the pancake floozy.

No. It's not like that.
She's real.

And you guys are
totally gonna like her.

She's mean to me,
but she's funny.

And we played floor hockey
and we drank beers.

Dude.
Make something up.
You had time.

You don't understand.
I'm not describing it right.

But I did exactly
what you said.

We got to know each other.

While you drank
in gym class.

You told me
to seize the day,
so I seized the day!

Trust me. You'll see
when you meet her.

Hey, guys.
Sorry we're late.
Movie ran long.

I hope you guys
don't mind me
crashing your game.

I was just going
to sit and read.

I won't distract
or anything.

Not at all.
Would you care
for a drink?

I'm okay. Go play.

Okay.

Good luck, B.
Thanks, Megan.

It's weird.

The lack of crazy
is unnerving.

You have my permission
to take it to the next level.

Oh, well, we'll see.
No rush.

Wait a second.
Has anyone seen
Peaches in a while?

Not me.

That usually means
she's planning something.

Um, guys?

She tamed the beast.

Both beasts.

I don't think
Kenny's really injured.

Why would he lie?

'Cause he's bitching out.

He's what now?

He's faking it.

Watch, I saw this
in a movie once.

I'm going to drop this,
his reflexes will kick in
and he's going to catch it.

Be right back.

Oh, hey, Kenny.

Ah!
What are you doing?

Ah! I knew it!
Your arm's not really hurt.
You're a faker.

Yeah? Well,
you're way too intense,

and you're making
this whole thing
not fun at all.

Wow, man.
It's happening again.

This is why I had to
quit the crew team.

It's like my body
turns fat into intensity.

Apparently, my body
turns fat into pain.

I'm sorry, man.

I look at
how unbelievably
ripped my arms are

and I can't stop.

They're all right.
They're fantastic.

But I don't want them
to hurt our friendship.

I think I need
to stop working out,

or at least stop
working out with weaklings.

Hey!
Dude, I'm sorry.

It's not me talking,
it's my biceps.

You think the
YMCA will buy back
our medicine ball?

I kind of doubt it.

Oh, no!
Did Peaches get to you?

Nope. But I did
figure out why she
likes Megan so much.

Turns out,
Megan is her leader.

She's got, like, 40 cats.

You're joking.
No, no. No, no.

She's a crazy cat lady.

Yeah. And I would
just like to point out,

that if I had
slept with her
the first night,

I would have
known that,

and I wouldn't
have had to hurt her,
oh, so fragile feelings.

How did she take it?

Not well.

I mean, even when I
brought her Peaches
as a peace offering,

all she said was,
"Attack, kitties! Attack!"

Wow, Brendan.

You really know how
to find the crazies.

All right, maybe I do.

But the Brendo way
means that I find out quick.

Getting to know
somebody just leads to
uncomfortable conversations

and tears
that are licked away
by little rough tongues.

So, sling?

I heal fast.

I hope your face heals
as fast as his arm.

What happened, uh...
Oh, crazy cat lady.

Ah.
What's with the, uh...

Oh, bitching out.
Ah.

Hey, guys,
this is Marcia.

Marcia,
this is the guys,
and P.J. and Stephanie.

Hi, I'm the one Mike
blew off your friend for.

As someone
who's been blown off by
jerks like Mike before,

I'd like to apologize.

No, it's okay.
It's not your fault.

I dangled
floor hockey and beer
in front of him.

It wasn't a fair fight.

P.J.,
I have to thank you.

I don't think
I would've noticed
Marcia without you.

And for the first time,

I feel like I'm not
going to decompose
on the kitchen floor.

That's the most
weirdly romantic thing
I've ever heard you say.

He is weirdly
romantic, isn't he?

You've got
half that right.

That's why Marcia's
so great. She's like
a female Kenny!

Yeah, that made me
really uncomfortable, too.

You want a drink?

I'll have a Scotch
that's just a little bit
out of your price range.

Right away, m'lady.

And just when
you've given up on someone,

they turn it around.

So Marcia,
where did you guys meet?

We're neighbors.
We're just across the
driveway from each other.

His sprinklers were
killing my plants.

His sprinklers?

Yeah. Well,
I just moved there,

and I have to say,
everyone in the
neighborhood is so nice.

I swear,
we have the best
block on Webster.

Webster.

My brother used
to live on Webster.
Really?

Well, Mike couldn't
fix the sprinklers,

but I have to say,
he's got great taste.

I can't believe
he didn't use a decorator.

Oh, oh, no.
He most certainly
did not use a decorator.

He may not even
know what one is.

Yeah, Marcia,
Mike is just
full of surprises.

That he is.
You just wait.

What?