All language subtitles for My.Boys.S04E04.Be.a.Man.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

You know those
assumptions about
gender and sports?

That men like sports
where you throw balls

or hit people, and women
like sports with tights?

I've never found those
to be true.

Well, except for one...

Put it down, Bobby.

But I bet it makes
a cool sound.

Don't you think it
makes a cool sound?

Come on. You said you
would behave if
I brought you here.

Hi.

Hey, sorry about that.
My interview with ESPN
went a little bit long.

I'm Brian.
P.J. Franklin.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, ma'am.

Ma'am?

Oh!

It's just so rad!

And, uh, have you
met my son, Bobby?

No worries. The perk
of my job is getting to play
with a lot of cool toys.

If you can call
an 850 horsepower
car a toy.

Hey, I'm Bobby Newman.
With the Tribune.
Yeah, pleasure.

Wow, that's
a killer handshake.

You gotta work out
for something like that?

Nothing special.
I go to the gym,
rock climb, kayak...

When I really
want a thrill,
I go sky diving.

Hey, where's
your fire suit?

It's on the back of the car.
You wanna try it on?

No. You know, there's a lot
of talk about races being
more physical this year.

Is that something you're
seeing in the NASCAR
Nationwide Series?

Yeah, we really
have been...

Dude, this helmet is so heavy!
How strong is your neck?

Whoa, it sounds weird in here!
Can you guys even hear me?

I think he cured the
Make-A-Wish kid while
we were standing there.

I'm pretty sure
I've met the man P.J.'s
gonna leave me for.

And I'm okay with it.

Oh, I don't know, Bobby.
You were the one that was
completely enamored.

Sounds like
a pretty cool guy.

No, no, no.
See, I'm a guy.
You're a guy.

That was a man.

What's the difference?

Oh, gosh. I don't know,
for me, it's about

responsibility, honesty,
intelligence...

Blah blah blah.

These are all abstract
concepts. Like justice.
Or electricity.

It just so happens
this magazine might
have some answers.

"100 Things a man
should be able to do."

Bulge magazine?

It's one of those
laddy mags.

Actually, it has
some really
interesting articles.

In between the pictures
of boobs.

Yeah.

Everything's better
with boobs.

"How to turn your
girlfriend into a slut."

"How to get rid
of your slutty
girlfriend." Ugh.

This man list
isn't so bad.

"A man should know
how to start a fire."

"Chop down a tree."
"Find his way out
of the woods."

That's archaic.

These are skills
that have no place
in the modern world.

Oh, come on, guys.
"Change a tire"?
"Jump-start a car"?

You can do all
this stuff, can't you?

Oh, my God!
I can do all
of this stuff.

Bulge doesn't like
know-it-alls.

Okay. Here's what
we're going to do.

We're going to put skills
in a bag and you guys
are gonna pick them out

and try to do them.
Okay? Brendan, you in?

I already have a girlfriend,
so I no longer have anyone
I need to impress.

Are we ever going to meet
this mystery girl?

Yeah, yeah. Actually,
she's gonna meet me here
in a couple of minutes.

Okay, I'm just going to start
writing a few of these down.
"Perform an oil change."

"Buy P.J. flowers."

"Change P.J.'s
shower head."

If you want a new shower head,
I could put that in for you.

I didn't know
you were handy.

I mean, I think it's
the least I can do for
letting me live with you

now that I'm homeless.

Actually, Brendan has already
cornered the market on
the "least you can do."

Hey, Brendo!

Oh! Hey, guys,
this is Ashley.

Ashley, the guys.

Hey.

Hi.

Oh, you must be P.J.
I'm a writer, too.

Oh, wow, really?

Yeah. It's just such
an honor to meet you,
ma'am.

Well, we better
get going, Brendo.

My friend's ukulele band
is playing and if you're late,
you miss the Tater Tots.

Peace!

See you, buddy.

Did you all notice...
Yes.

She's way too...
Yep.

I don't know. Bulge says
the proper age for a girl is
half your age plus seven.

Oh, screw that.

Mike, I can't believe
you can't tie a tie.

Didn't you go
to Catholic School?

Hey, Father Perez
tied my tie the first
day of fifth grade

and I have lovingly
preserved it ever since.

Hey, this is
a great painting, man.

Did you get it from the gas
station guy who sells those
tiger print blankets?

It's a Goya.

Yes. He threw it in
for free with
a neon beer sign.

Cool.

Can I have it?
Yeah.

All right, so what
did you guys
think of Ashley?

Do you buy her a children's
ticket at the movies?

Did you meet her
at the American Girl
tea house?

I enjoyed
watching your date
on To Catch a Predator.

Your turn, Bobby.

No, no. Dude, I am
completely supportive.

I think it is awesome
that you're helping
her study for her SATs.

All right, all right.
Yes, she's 22, so she's
a little bit younger.

But, I mean,
she's very mature.

If you have to describe
a girl as "mature,"
she's too young.

She's so young,
Mike thinks she's young.

She's not some dumb chick.
You saw the glasses.

You know, she's into really
good books and music
and stuff. Dude, she's cool.

Yeah, yeah. Cool.
Hey, how was that
ukulele concert?

Dude, actually it was awesome.
They did all of
Dark Side of...

Oh, you're mocking me.

You know, when I go
out with her friends,
they're a lot nicer.

Yeah, because they need
you to buy them beer.

Oh, hey.
Hey.

Hi, hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
You know what?

Just let me wash my hands.
They let children
on the "L" again.

So the rabbit goes
around the tree,
then down the hole.

Is my neck the tree?

Oh, my God.
What?

You have a Hydrochief 300
shower head!

Bobby installed it.

Wow, Bobby.

It was no big deal. In fact,
if you have anything else you
want done around the house,

I would be more than happy.

Oh, wow. Okay.
I'll make a list.

It'll be so nice having
a man around the house.

Ooh, that sounded
like a jab at you.

Okay, P.J.,
we need a judgment.

Eh, close enough.
Yes!

Hey, take another handful
out of the Man Sack.

We gotta rename that.

What's this game?

Oh, this magazine has
a list of all the things a man
should be able to do.

Was the magazine Highlights?

"Cook a perfect steak."

Let's do it!

Hey, I was saving those...

Looks like we're having
pizza and steak.

Okay, you guys.
I need your help.

Does anyone have an idea
for my new book?

Oh, why don't you
take our lives,
thinly veil our names

and air all of our
personal problems?

Oh, oh, no, wait,
you already did that one.

So, wait, is the movie
not happening anymore?

No, no, no! It's happening.
They're talking
to Kate Hudson to play me.

And Wanda Sykes to play
my sassy friend, P.J.

So we should probably
order that pizza, huh?
Where's the number?

I think it's down there,
by the phone.

What is this?

Hey, that's the to-do list
I made Brendan two years ago.

Oh! Is that
where that went?

Uh, hey, Peej?
Do you put water on
a grease fire or not?

You cover it? Why?

Why?

Kenny, what did you do?

You know, if you're smart,
man, you will throw
that list out right now.

Yeah, but how would
we order the pizza?

She's gonna want you to
do that list, Mr. Showerhead.

And if you do,
she will own you.

I'm just trying
to be helpful, man.

Be helpful every now and then.
But don't set a precedent.

Look, I'm selfish, okay?

I don't want to establish
work as something you do

in exchange for not
paying rent, but...

But you pay rent, right?

Look, I'm just saying you
don't want to be

too good at a job that
you don't want to do.

So, we just put out a fire
and now we're going
to remove some stains.

We are burning
through that list.

Okay, wait a second.
You're going to fix things,

while I just lounge
around and write?

I feel like I'm living in
a coffee commercial.

Yeah, I think I'll start
with the, uh, leaky sink.

Are you sure?
I can just call the super.

No, Peej, we don't need
to call anybody.
I can take care of it.

Okay, good.
Because Vinnie is mean.

And he does an
impression of me that is
not at all flattering.

Yo, morning.

Hey. Morning.

Whew! I am beat.

Hey! But that's for
my coffee commercial.

Crazy crazy night, last night.
Me and Ashley went to
this club that had a password

and saw one of these
hip bands that play these
ironic sea shanties.

It's a thing.

Like, a good thing?

Okay, Brendo. You don't need
to pretend, all right?
You're with us! Come on.

We're not 22.
We're not going to make out
with you on a futon.

Whatever, dude.
I had a blast, all right?

You don't have to mock me
just because you guys are
all old and domestic.

Well, speaking of domestic,
I am off to use tools

and, later on,
she will come
and hand me beer.

Whoa!

Uh, honey, I will definitely
not want you to come in here

and bring me a beer
for at least a while.

So, Bobby's doing
some plumbing, huh?

Oh, yeah. It's so great
he's pitching in.

Although it is taking him
a little while...

What's wrong with you?

Oh, after the poetry slam
last night, Ashley and I went
to midnight broomball.

Apparently, 40 ounces
of pear cider

and running on ice
in street shoes
does not mix.

Mmm.
Who would've thought?

Anyone out of college.

Mmm. That feels so good.
Are you done with
the sink, babe?

Oh, my God.
What are you doing?

"Learn to rub
a woman's neck."

Not mine.

Fine, but I consider
this task completed.

Hey, Brendan.

Brendan! Go get Bobby,
tell him we're ready.

Hey, how's it going?

It's going all right.

Don't you think you're
laying it on a bit thick?

I mean, you want P.J.
to call a plumber, not think
you're a complete buffoon.

Brendo, dude, I know
what I'm doing. Okay?

Oh, I get it.

Go play poker.
I'll be there in a minute.

Wow, I guess a sink
does have a lot of parts.

That doesn't sound like
he's almost done.

If we're not going to play,
guys, I gotta bail.

Ashley just invited me to
a flash mob pillow fight.

You say a lot of words
that make no sense together.

Oh, it's this thing,
you get a text,

and you all show up
in Millennium Park,
bring pillows.

What?

You're bailing to be in
a mass pillow fight? No.

Dude, it'll be cool.

All right, I'll bite.
What makes a flash mob cool?

It's like,
how do I say this? It's...
It sorta represents, like,

the power that...
That people have, uh...
When you, um...

You know Twitter brought down
the Iranian government.

No. It didn't.

Oh, dude. Look at you.

What?

Dude, you're killing yourself
to keep up with some young,
hot, crazy chick again.

It's a pattern.

Dude, she's not crazy.
She knitted this.

You're wearing a winter hat.
It's August.

I like her.

Don't you think you're
dating her to preserve some
image you have of yourself.

It is okay not to be
a hipster anymore.

That's not
why I'm dating her.

Yeah, but you're exhausted.
You can't keep up.

Come on. Stay with us.
Let's go play poker.

No. Dude, I like
her, okay?

I'm having fun.
And before you make fun,
my hoodie is comfy

and keeps my head warm.

You don't need two hats!

Hey, Bobby,
Brendo's bailing on us.
We really need you to...

Wow. A sink really
does have a lot of parts.

I'll be right there. Okay?

Um, hey, babe...

You know, I really
appreciate you trying,

but I can just suck it up
and call the super...

I don't need you
to call anyone!

I just need everybody
to stop backseat plumbing for,
like, five minutes! Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

I mean, what is it about
home improvement
that turns men into jerks?

I mean, Bobby totally
snapped at me.

Wow. Bobby doesn't snap.

I know! He snapped.

It was like when
a little cocker spaniel
bites the face off a baby.

That doesn't
sound like Bobby.

So this is brunch?
It's nice.

Kenny, you said you
weren't going to interrupt.

Do you guys always
go to brunch just to
complain about guys?

Oh, no. They also
serve mimosas.

So do you think I should
call this mean super
and just have done with it.

Oh, no, honey.
I wouldn't do that.

You cannot do that.
He has something to prove.

Like what?

That he can be a man.

Oh, no. Bobby's not like that.

All guys are like that.
Otherwise, I'd be
sipping a mimosa.

They look really good.

Just let him
work this through

and wash your vegetables
in the bathroom for a while.

Kenny, didn't you get my text?
I think I found a bull
we can outrun.

Ooh, is that
a spinach frittata?

Excuse me.

Hey! Get your hands
off my eggs.

And, as Kenny's girlfriend,
I am vetoing "Run with
the bulls." Pick again.

All right, but you owe me
for one red sweater.

Ha-ha!
Man Sack!

"Use a compass." Boring!

"Write a love letter."
I'm not a lady.

All right, hey. Wait.
You guys are cheating.

Come on. It's luck
of the draw.

Do the very next one?

Yes.
Okay.

"Throw a punch."

"Take a punch."

Fate has spoken.

Wait!

Whew!

Hey! This is
a brunch place!

I'll e-mail that to you.

So... I totally don't
need help. Like, I got this.

But, if you really insist
on calling the super...

No, no. Why would I do that?
You are making some
serious progress.

No, I believe
you can do this.

Really?

Oh, good.
Thanks for the vote
of confidence, babe.

Sure.

I'm pretty sure
there's a plumbing app
for the iPhone.

Did you want me to check?

Oh, Ashley.
That's a really great idea,

but, um, I think Bobby
can handle this.

Hmm.

Hey.

I brought wine and cheese
for our concert in the park!

I brought half a bowl
of pistachios

because I can't get
into my refrigerator
without a canoe!

All right.
Let's see it.

Does it show?

No.

Yeah, well, Kenny has
a little more power than
you'd think looking at him.

That's looking
pretty good, there, Bobby.

But, uh, I think
you might want to
tighten the fly wheel.

You know what, dude?
Fine. Fine. Okay. That is it.

Why don't you show me
how it's done? Okay?
Go ahead.

It's "Bring Your Daughter
to Work Day."

I'm sorry. I don't know
why I said that.

That's...
Super inappropriate.

Dude, what are you doing?
Flues and things are
supposed to be open.

We're lighting a fire.

All right, put it out.

But we already did that one.

"I shall be telling
this with a sigh

"Somewhere ages
and ages hence

"Two roads diverged
in a yellow wood, and I

"I took the road
less traveled by

"And that made
all the difference"

"Learn a poem by heart."

That, bitches, was former
poet laureate Jack Frost.

Robert.

Same difference.

Hey, Jonathan Safran Foer
is boxing Dave Eggers
for charity.

We'd better jam.

Ashley, uh, we got
kind of a situation here.

But I want to go.

Yeah, but, um...

I'll totally make it up
to you. Huh?

We'll make some pasta,
you know,

open a bottle of wine,
watch a movie?

If I wanted to do that,
I could have stayed
at home with my parents.

Come here a second.

Yes, but you see, this way,
um, I can help my friends out
and then you and I...

You know what we could
do tonight?

We could go to that
rockabilly square dance.

Yeah, that...
That sounds...

Just awful.

I'm done trying to keep up.
I like my friends.

And some day, you are
going to learn that the words

"let's just open
a bottle of wine"

are the most beautiful
words in the entire
English language.

Okay? And if that makes me
older,

then I'm okay with that.

Whatevs. It's probably
time I started dating
a girl, anyway.

See ya.

Let her go, man.

Yeah...

It's the super.

I'll get it!

You want to tell me
why it's raining downstairs?

We have issues
in the kitchen.

Oh, you have
"issues in the kitchen"?

What the hell is this?

I am so sorry. You know,
what I think is...

"I am so sorry."

Okay, why don't we
just let him have
some room, huh?

Hey, Bobby. Um...

Look, I just want you
to know that I didn't
call the super.

And I really appreciate
everything you've done.

And you know the fact
that the situation got
a little hairy is not,

you know,
a reflection on you.

What?

You know, the situation
is not a comment
on your masculinity.

Why would it be
a "comment on
my masculinity"?

'Cause that's what
Stephanie said. And Kenny!

What? What did they say?

You know, the fact that
you didn't want to call the
plumber was all part of this

"what makes someone
a man" thing.

No, I wanted to do
this myself because...

Because I lost
all my money.

Your money?

Having money, you never
have to think about
any of this stuff

because you know
you can always just call
somebody to fix it.

Okay.

Now that I'm broke,
I guess I just...

I wanted to prove to myself
that I could do this.

And that I have
at least some practical
skills to rely on.

What are you talking about?
You're really good
at computers.

You write a terrific
thank-you note.

And you have an eye
for color that is...

Wow. This is a comment
on my masculinity.

No!

I'm sorry I broke
your kitchen.

That's okay.
I just hate pissing
Vinnie off.

He is always so disappointed
with me in such a scary way.

Don't worry about it.
Let me handle it.

Hi, there.

Hi.

All fixed?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Me and Bobby
were just talking.

Yeah, it turns out
we played in the same
softball league. Crazy!

Oh, hey! Don't forget this.
You earned it.

Bobby...

Hey...

All right, thanks, man.
And I'm gonna fix that
bedroom window tomorrow.

All right, I will
see you around.

Oh! Hey! See ya, man.

What are you guys like
best buddies now?

I don't know.
We just got to talking.

Wow, you are
so good with people.

It's no big deal.

This is exactly
what I said.

Being a man isn't about
being rich or tying knots
or wrestling a bear.

You said that? When?

It's about being able
to step up and take care
of things.

Be a man.

Yeah... Yeah!
Oh, I think I have
the idea for my new book.

Uh, actually,
I think I had the idea
for your new book.

Oh, stop whining
and be a man, Kenny!

Hey, you know, seeing as you
were so good with Vinnie,

I am having this issue
with my dental insurance.

Could you call them?
And you know what...

Some say it's the way
men are raised that
makes them different.

Some say it's genetics.
And some say it's evolution.

Well, if that last one
were true, it's a wonder
any men survived.

Can I just make you a list?
I'll just make you a list.

Um, yeah. Sure.