Original subtitles

Bobby.

I think I'm marrying the wrong woman.

Do you remember where I put my...

Oh. Uh...

I'm sorry. I didn't know...

Hey, is he okay? I don't know. Um...

Bobby?

Dude.

What's going on?

I mean, you just said some things,

and, you know, you're getting married tomorrow.

Yeah, I don't know... I don't know what I'm saying.

You know what? I'm not saying anything. I just...

I'm tired, and I've had a lot to drink, and

I need to go to bed.

Good night.

What was that about?

You know, I don't know.

Well, what'd he say? I'm not sure.

You know, I think he has cold feet.

We Newmans usually get cold feet after the wedding.

I'm sorry. I'm a little thrown by what just happened. Um...

You want to just call it a night?

Yeah. Yeah. I think that would be best.

And tomorrow is the big day, so...

Yeah. Definitely.

Okay. Okay.

I never really understood where the phrase "out of left field" came from,

but I certainly know what it means.

One tiny, interrupted conversation can change everything.

Bobby! Hey, my best men!

Wedding boy! Ow! Hey!

Ready for your big day? Yeah, totally. I'm psyched.

Dude, I was up with Maggie last night till 4:00 a.m. It was epic!

What's wrong with you? What?

It's his wedding day. He doesn't want to hear about your dirty times.

He's getting married, but he's still a man.

It's okay, Mike. I'll take a rain check on the stories

about you sleeping with my mother's friend.

Okay, but "Clean up, Mike's room!"

Hey, I've got a favor to ask you guys.

Yup. These are for Elsa,

and I want you to find time today when she's alone and give them to her.

What's in them? Just little notes

letting her know that I'm thinking about her

and I'm looking forward to being married to her and stuff.

Uh, dude, stop auditioning. You got the part.

This is really sweet.

Don't read them. Just give them to her.

I'm on it.

So, uh, what are we doing? We going to breakfast?

Sounds good. Last breakfast as a single man.

Hey! Yeah!

And boom! And ugh!

Last high five as a single man.

I doubt it. Hey!

And, and, and...

Hey, morning, Elsa. Elsa, whoa, wait.

Uh, isn't it bad luck for the bride and the groom

to see each other before the wedding?

I'm sorry, you guys. I, um, I need to talk to Bobby.

Well, we're heading out to breakfast. You're more than welcome to join.

I meant alone?

Okay. We'll get you a muffin.

You guys, that did not look good.

What are you talking about? Huh?

They're about to make sweet love.

I don't like it. It's bad luck.

This whole thing feels bad.

Would you relax? She couldn't wait to get the sexy time.

It's all good. Brendo, tell him it's all good.

It's all good. Let's go eat.

I win.

What? Wait a minute.

Why am I agreeing with Mike?

It doesn't feel right, does it?

No, not at all.

You hear anything?

I don't want to know what's going on in there.

Dude, if they are in there making sweet love,

you're going to feel pretty slimy about listening like that.

They're not making sweet love.

They're definitely talking. I just can't hear what they're talking about.

Maybe they're just talking about us.

Yeah, Elsa woke up on her wedding day, and her first thought was,

"I need to know more about Bobby's friends.

"How many combs does Mike have?

"Does Brendan have a bicycle?"

Man, when you're sarcastic, there's a real edge to it.

Oh? Really?

Yeah. I hear it. Dude!

We should probably talk about how long we're gonna wait out here.

What do you mean? I'm starving.

We stay here till he comes out.

We're his best men. It's our job to be here for him.

Yeah. Well, do we get a lunch break?

I'm not going anywhere.

Me neither. I'm staying.

I'm starting to get worried, though, man. They shouldn't be talking that long.

Hey. Good morning.

Hi. You. Good morning.

I was just getting some coffee.

Did you sleep well?

Uh, actually, I was, uh, kind of up most of the night

thinking about stuff, and, um...

Jack, uh, listen. I think...

Can I interrupt you for a second?

I would love it if you did.

I've got to get on a plane back to New York right after the ceremony.

Oh. So, I just thought that I would let you know

so that we can avoid one of those awkward conversations.

What? Did you think this was awkward?

I'm thinking about growing a mustache.

Fascinating. Wake me when you're done.

Dude, I could totally rock a 'stache. Like Burt Reynolds.

Ha ha!

Me, too. You?

More like Debbie Reynolds.

What is that supposed to mean? You're a hairless freak.

Whatever. I could totally out-'stache you.

Who? Me or him? Both of you.

Please. Get out of here!

There are three things that I do well, change a flat tire...

Scare babies. Live in a house with one chair.

...soothe a wild dog and grow facial hair.

Okay, it's on. Mustache-growing contest.

We judge the results in one month.

One month. Done.

What? Fools.

I have a head start. I didn't shave today.

Moron, he's had a beard for like two years.

Hello? Hey.

Oh, hey. Can I have a bite of that?

Uh, no. What are you girls doing?

Well, if you must know, we're having a mustache-growing contest.

Interesting.

So even if you win, you still lose.

Why are you doing it here?

Bobby and Elsa are in there "talking."

Really? We think they might be breaking up.

Rookies. Maybe I can go talk to them.

Give them some advice from the old pro.

Can't we just get married and see how it goes?

Do you hear yourself? We belong together!

Mustache contest, huh?

I'm gonna help you, so don't worry about it. All right.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

Bobby and Elsa are in there, talking.

About what? Don't know.

They've been in there for a long time.

Oh, no. And you guys are just sitting here?

Yeah. We're the best men.

Plus we're having a mustache-growing contest.

Not me. I was disqualified for thinking it's stupid.

Hey, is everything okay, or...

Um... No.

The wedding's off.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Yeah. So that's not happening.

Buddy.

Maybe a little food will make you feel better.

What?

After Bobby's wedding fiasco, it's nice to be home,

where everything is familiar and back to normal.

Kind of.

It's like meeting women wasn't challenging enough for you guys?

Kidding? I'm getting a ton of attention from the ladies.

I mean, mostly them holding their purses tighter

or steering their kids away from me, but still...

I'm getting noticed by all kinds of girls

that were never noticing me before.

Like, uh, that hot Polish girl at the corner grocery?

Last time I was there, dude, she flirted. Hard.

Kamila? She's married. She's got like six kids.

I'm not saying it's ideal.

And, uh, Maggie called. She wants to get together.

Seriously? Absolutely.

Strange. I mean, she seems like a woman of class and substance,

but she clearly has a screw loose.

What we had at that ranch was magical.

You can't blame her for wanting to transition our fling into something more.

I don't know. Sometimes those quick flings are better left in the past.

Yeah, everybody knows that camp relationships don't transfer back to school.

Yeah, just like in Grease.

But they got together at the end of Grease.

They did?

Yeah, you don't remember? Olivia Newton-John shows up at the school carnival?

Wearing the skin-tight black outfit?

Oh, yes!

Hello, everyone.

Andy! Hey!

It's the new papa. What's up?

Hey! How's Meredith? How's little Oliver?

Everyone is doing great. Savannah's thrilled.

Oliver is a bundle of heaven.

Give me some footage here. Yeah.

Dude, he looks just like you.

All babies look just like me. Here you go, Peej.

Oh, thanks.

D'Artagnan.

Oh, thank you, sir.

American Chopper.

AMBER Alert.

I'm so glad you're here. I really didn't think I was gonna see you for a long time.

Meredith and I decided we weren't gonna let the new baby interrupt our lives too much.

We're gonna try to find time for our lives and our hobbies.

Good for you. Yeah.

Since I don't have hobbies, booze.

Well, we're almost up to full strength.

Yeah. Have you guys heard from Bobby?

No.

Going on your honeymoon by yourself...

Rough.

Yeah. Well, between us, marrying a hot Swedish girl?

Come on, what was he thinking?

How long did he expect that to last?

That's like marrying a semi-successful actress.

Shouldn't you be telling the neighbors you're a sex offender?

Shouldn't you be panning for gold, circa 1849?

I don't know, man.

When Wendy dumped me, it kind of messed me up for a while.

And, I mean, Bobby practically got dumped at the altar.

I wouldn't worry about Bobby.

What do you mean? He was the one having second thoughts.

How do you know? The night before the wedding,

he came to talk to me about it.

He talked to you? Yeah.

How long have you been sitting on this piece of information?

Since, uh, the night before the wedding.

Well, how come you didn't tell us?

I don't know. Priest-client privilege. Ever heard of it?

Okay, well, what did he say?

That he was having second thoughts about getting married.

Yeah, but why?

God, who remembers? That was like three weeks ago.

Andy! Just try to remember.

What the hell do you care, anyway?

I don't know. I'm his friend. I care about him.

Yeah, he's a handsome, 29-year-old millionaire in Bora Bora.

I think he's okay.

Thank you, pervert.

I just can't believe you didn't tell us.

I have more important things on my mind.

Like who's gonna save that girl you tied to the railroad tracks?

Mmm-hmm.

Stephanie is like my tax guy,

except instead of bringing a shoe box full of receipts and check stubs,

I bring her gossip and theories and she helps me sort them out.

Bobby came to your room?

Why am I just learning this three weeks later?

Sorry, it's just...

God, everything was so weird with his brother,

and then the wedding falling apart,

I thought I was just misinterpreting what he was saying.

So why are you telling me this now?

Because Andy just told me that Bobby visited him, too,

and said that he was having second thoughts.

Andy just told you this?

Yeah, I know. Can you believe that?

Waiting three weeks to tell me? I mean, what is that about?

Oh, yes. I see the irony.

All right. Well, what do you think this all means?

Okay.

Well, actually, I don't know, but...

I have a feeling that Bobby was trying to tell me that he has feelings for me.

What do you think? Do you think Bobby likes me?

Do you know what the definition of a crazy person is?

Steph... No. Seriously?

Do you?

Someone who does things that are of or related to craziness?

A crazy person is someone who does the same thing over and over again

and honestly expects a different result.

No, he was trying to tell me something.

No. I'm not gonna let you do this again, okay?

You flew him to Italy and you wussed out,

and you helped his fiancee plan his wedding.

Seriously, P.J., it's getting pathetic.

Or, is it getting romantic?

I mean, maybe, I'm like one of those characters

in one of those Victorian novels, huh?

Which one? Oh, God, I don't know.

The one with Keira Knightley?

You know what? This is not healthy. Uh-uh.

You need to get into something new. Here and now.

You're a hot, funny, semi-sane girl.

There are a million guys who would kill to go out with you.

Oh, here we go.

Seriously. Peej, this Bobby thing

is keeping you from having a real relationship.

Move on.

Well, you're probably right.

Are you aware that I'm a best-selling relationship guru?

I am.

Then I'm definitely right.

All right. Thank you so much. I feel better.

My pleasure.

But I'll let you pay for breakfast anyway.

God, I honestly... I don't know why I took so long to tell you.

I feel so much better. You know, I've just been living with this.

I feel like it's just been eating me up inside.

Well, lesson learned. Hey,

a wound heals faster in the sunlight.

I slept with Kenny.

Wait, it's just the four of us?

What's with all the empty chairs?

In case Andy or Bobby shows up.

Dude, you have to stop waiting for Bobby, all right? He's not gonna show up.

Put that chair away.

You never know.

And if he does, I think it would be nice

if we had a seat waiting for him.

He'll be like our Elijah.

That would have killed at my other game.

What are we even doing?

Poker with four is the worst.

You know what might be cool?

We could learn how to play bridge.

Bridge? That's ridiculous.

No way. I'm sorry.

Mustaches are okay, and bridge is ridiculous? Where is the line?

Hey, everyone!

Hey.

Andy! I didn't expect you. Come on.

Of course. I told you, me and Meredith are determined

to not let Oliver disrupt our lives.

Okay. That's great.

Yeah, it's not working. We haven't slept in days.

Which is why I'm gonna sit down here for a spell.

Andy, come on. We need you to play.

Oh, just 15 minutes. That sounds great.

Oh, come on, Andy. You got to pull it together.

P.J.'s threatened to turn this into a bridge game.

Bridge sounds nice. Ugh...

And we lost him.

I don't know how to play bridge.

All right. I'll grab his wallet. Deal him in.

Yes! Yep. Cool.

Hey, guys!

Bobby's here! Hey, Bobby.

Sorry I'm late. When did you get in?

Ah, just a couple hours ago. I threw my stuff in the apartment and I came here.

I'm still completely on Bora Bora time.

Well, it's good to have you back, buddy. Here. Take a seat.

Thanks. Man, I missed you guys.

Ah.

Hey, I'm still schtupping Maggie.

Oh, I know. I got your letters.

Wow! What's with the mustaches?

We're having a mustache contest.

P.J.'s gonna declare a winner tomorrow.

Really? Will you ride in on one of those bicycles

with one giant wheel and one tiny wheel?

Nice! No one's done that one.

All right, so how are you? Tell us a story.

I'm good. I'm sorry to have included you guys in all the drama,

but, uh, I'm glad that it happened.

And I'll tell you the whole story soon,

but right now, I just want to play some poker.

Yes! Great!

Hey, Bobby.

Hey, Andy. What's new, man?

I have a new son. Get me a Scotch, will you?

About time!

Well, it's about time, boys. I'm pooped.

All right, Andy. Wake up.

You lost 80 bucks.

How long was I out?

Hmm, couple hours? It was worth it.

See you. See you.

Dude, you must be exhausted, huh? How was your flight?

Oh, man. You remember our flight to Italy, right?

Just double that, minus you, and plus a monsoon.

So, really good.

It's nice to be home.

All right, so here are the latest names for the bar.

We got "Severe Tire Damage,"

"Sasquatch," or "Dr. Brendo's Magic Rockatorium."

Are these names for your bar or your high-school rock band?

Oh, "High School Rock Band." - Dude, that's good. - No.

Call it "Free Booze for Mike." 'Cause that's what's gonna happen.

No, no, no, no.

All right, I'm hungry. Who wants to eat?

Me. I'm in.

I can't, guys. I got to get some sleep.

All right. Later!

All right.

I looked up "Out of left field."

It comes from when the Cubs moved to Wrigley in 1915.

U of I bought the old property and put a mental hospital where left field used to be.

So the phrase has come to mean any action that is out of the blue,

and, well, crazy.

Um, Bobby, I just have to clear the air on something. Um...

When we were in Italy,

there was actually like a bunch of stuff that I never said,

and I kind of feel like at your wedding

there was maybe some stuff that you wanted to say.

Uh, anyway...

The point is... Is, uh...

I'm actually kind of crazy about you.

And I have been for a really long time. And I think you're awesome.

And I actually would like there to be more between us,

but it is totally okay that you don't think that way.

I get it. I just, you know, just wanted to say something...

I'm crazy about you, too.

Yeah? Yeah. Absolutely.

You are all I thought about on my honeymoon.

That sounded so weird.

Um, the point is, I'm crazy about you, too.

And I have a 12-page letter in my jacket that proves it.

Which now seems a little long.

But I was kind of lonely.

Mmm, wow!

Oh, the beard? Wow, I didn't even think about that.

Is it kind of like kissing a burly adventurer?

It's kind of like kissing the guy who yells at the "L."

I think we're kind of saying the same thing.