Original subtitles

Ideally, when you attend a friend's wedding,

you're on the sidelines enjoying the drama,

not caught in the middle of it.

I tried to help and Jack took it the wrong way,

and the next thing I know, he leaves.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I can't believe you missed it all. Where were you, by the way?

In bed, sleeping.

I pounded on your door.

I was throwing up.

Oh. I'm fine now.

Okay. I just feel awful.

If I hadn't stuck my nose in the middle of their fight,

none of this would have happened.

You don't know that.

Was it food poisoning?

Wine. Way too much wine.

Oh.

What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

This guy.

Who's the lucky girl?

Not a girl. A woman.

Her name is Maggie and she is awesome.

She's wise and mature and spiritual.

I'm telling you, me and her, fireworks.

Seriously, you didn't see 'em from your window?

No. Morning, guys.

Hey, Bob.

What's up, Robert?

Bobby, I can't tell you how bad I feel about Jack leaving.

Yeah, it kind of sucks.

You know, we've fought before but he's never left.

I mean, he'll come back. He's your brother. It's your wedding.

Yeah, I don't know. I kind of thought he'd be back by breakfast,

but...

Bob. I like your friend, Maggie.

What's her deal? Maggie Greenmore?

Sure, yeah, let's go with Greenmore.

She's an old family friend.

She's cool. She's on the advisory board for UNICEF.

And she just got a divorce, so everybody's been curious

if she was gonna start dating again.

Well, I can tell you that she has.

Oh. Hey.

Maggie. Hey.

No, no, don't do that.

All right, get your blankets out. The show's about to start.

Morning, everyone. Morning.

What a glorious day. Let's hope we have this weather tomorrow.

Would you like to join us?

Sorry, I can't. I'm going riding.

Hey, do you still have your horses?

No, I had to give them up, just traveling too much with the foundation.

Mmm.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll see all of you later at the rehearsal.

Enjoy your breakfast.

Bye.

See you.

Fireworks, eh?

Oh, you can't see 'em during the day.

I hate to say it, Mike,

but she's kind of... Way out of your league.

Why, because she's cultured and sophisticated and rides horses?

Oh, my God. She's slumming.

All right, guys, I'm gonna take off. I actually need to go

have a nervous breakdown before the rehearsal.

All right, wait a second. We gotta find you a best man.

It's fine. We'll just do the ceremony without.

You can't do that. It's your big day.

You need the support. I mean, look at all the best men available to you.

How would I choose?

Foot race. State capitals.

Who can drink the most milk.

Or you could have all three.

I am curious to see this milk-drinking contest.

Can I do the best man speech and potentially host karaoke

if there's a machine?

I can be the guy that hands you the rings.

And I can be your DOF.

What's a DOF?

Deputy of Fun.

What is wrong with you?

I can do all kinds of things.

I could carry your flask.

Guys, I'd like to announce that Mike will be my DOF.

Okay, so, if we're gonna do all that, P.J., what are you gonna do?

Oh, I have a feeling I'll be helping with Kenny's speech,

finding the rings that you lose

and, most importantly, trying to get Mike over here to stop saying DOF.

Good luck with that.

I also wanted to let you know I have Internet connection on my phone,

so you can also e-mail me.

Anyway, we just really want to hear from you.

Okay, bye. Who was that?

It's Jack. I left him a bunch of messages.

I just know it would mean so much to Bobby if he came back.

Just to Bobby?

And to me. Of course I want him to come back.

I really like him.

But since I'm selfless and mature,

I'm pretending it's all for Bobby.

This place is really nice.

Yeah.

The pool's pretty meager.

I was thinking of leading with that in the sermon, you know?

An icebreaker. I wouldn't.

Well, I'm gonna, so pretend you haven't heard it.

Andy, we should just really get this rehearsal started.

What's this? It's the ceremony.

This isn't funny.

"Dearly beloved"?

Yawn.

Hey, there's Maggie.

Really? Where?

Dude, I'd be prepared.

I'm not sure you can recreate that magical combination

of alcohol and poor judgment on her part.

You'll be surprised. I can be sophisticated. You'll see.

No chance.

Hello, Maggie. Oh, hello.

Hey. Hi.

Hey, did you hear about the Dow Jones today?

It's up. Really?

On a Saturday. That is news.

Yeah, well, you know, I have stock in Unocal

and you work for Unocal. I mean, how's that for kismet?

Actually, I work with UNICEF.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have stock in them, too.

Oh. Interesting. Excuse me. Uh, Barbara?

How'd it go? Oh, uh...

It's complicated. Guys.

Hey. Hey.

So, should we get started?

Yeah.

My baby boy's getting married!

Oh, good, your mother's here.

That is the first time anyone has ever said that.

All right, who's gonna be in charge of her?

That doesn't fall under the category of speech-giving.

Rings. I have to DOF the groom.

Come on, you guys. This is Bobby's wedding.

He could use a little support.

Okay.

All right. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Now, let's all act like grown-ups, okay?

Who is gonna take care of Bobby's mom?

-Not it. - Not it.

Damn it.

What a face. And here it is. Your first wedding.

Oh, and you, Elsa, so young, so beautiful.

Thank you. Did she sign the prenup?

It'll be fine, Mother.

Oh! Hold on to your wallets, gentlemen.

Last time I saw this woman, it cost me $50 million.

Oh, is that you, George?

I didn't recognize you without a whore on your arm.

Well, then, get over here.

This is nice.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Newman.

I'm Kenny. I'm the best man. I'll be escorting you down the aisle.

Hold on to your wallet, son.

Dad, really, you gotta get some new material.

Did I use that already?

And I thought I could face him sober.

Hey, I'm not sober.

Excuse me, everyone, I'm Reverend Andy.

If we could all take our places for the rehearsal.

Okay, apparently, we start with the best man

escorting the groom's mother down the aisle.

I lost Bobby's mom.

Wedding's ruined.

Stephanie can fill in for Pamela.

Wedding saved.

Kenny will escort Stephanie down the aisle.

We should probably talk about last night.

As far as I'm concerned, nothing happened.

I'm good with that.

And never speak of it again.

Roger that. I still have your bra.

Yeah, I'm gonna need that back.

Okay, then Bobby will stand right there,

and then Elsa, escorted by her father, will stand right here.

And then the best man...

Where's Jack?

Uh... He took off.

What happened?

Bobby, is anyone from your family gonna be at this thing?

Andy, maybe not the best time.

All right, fine.

So, then, I will read the opening prayer, followed by the sermon,

followed by the exchange of vows.

That's a lot.

Turn the page.

Oh.

And apparently, I'm also blessing the rings,

the pronouncement of the union...

This is a lot.

You know, if you wanted to,

we could toss this whole ceremony

and I could just marry you guys right now,

right here.

No, that's okay.

Are you sure? I have the power.

All I have to do is say, "I now pronounce you..."

Whoa! Whoa!

Hey, let's not ruin it. We can save it for the big day and stuff.

Mmm.

Why don't we just take, like, a quick little break?

Okay, take five, my flock.

I'll be over here for confession.

Hey, Bobby. Everything good?

Yes. Great.

Perfect.

I mean, you know, I'm getting married tomorrow,

so who wouldn't be psyched about that?

You seem a little tense. Do I?

Well, you were doing your

"Mmm," thing.

I am a little bit on edge. I'm just...

You know, I think I'm looking forward to all of this being over with

and getting back to the way things were.

Yeah, the way things were, plus a wife.

Right.

Wow!

This is all totally normal, okay?

I mean, this is all just wedding jitters.

I mean, after this whole weekend

you are gonna be married to Elsa.

I mean, that's what you want, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. That and...

Wow!

Nice. How did you know that?

I had a feeling.

And, frankly, your DOF was about to finish it.

It's a beautiful night, a beautiful room.

What a perfect opportunity to just forget this Jack thing

and embrace the evening.

How's this sound for my speech?

"Even though I'm the best man, Bobby is the better man."

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over your jacket.

Well, obviously, this place is beautiful,

but my place in Breckenridge is made from one piece of carved wood.

One piece. Can you imagine that?

It seems unlikely.

Well, it was a huge tree.

Wow! Look at you. You look, uh...

There's no other word for it. You look beautiful. Sorry.

It's okay.

Too bad the guy that you like's

not here to see it, though, huh?

I know. I just sent off one quick, little text to Jack.

Hey, how many texts are too many?

I think anything more than two.

Oh.

Don't sweat it. I sent John 35 texts.

It was a rough day, a rough day.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Robert.

Hello, best men. You guys look great.

And P.J., wow.

Thank you, though some credit goes to the dim lighting

and the fact that we're surrounded by thousands of gallons of wine.

Speaking of which, tequila?

I'm good. Thanks.

Well, since it's out.

Bobby, your bride-to-be is a sight to behold.

You're a lucky man, Bobby.

Yeah, I am.

Should we be concerned that she's talking to your parents?

Yeah, we should.

Go to it, best men.

Still working on my best man speech.

I'm the DOF. Rings.

Do you even have rings in there?

Bottle caps.

Hey, you wanna maybe help me out with this?

Absolutely.

Hey, I'll just catch up with you, okay?

Hello, Jack? How are you doing?

Really? Where?

Oh, my God. I'm so glad you came back.

I was starting to run out of minutes.

You look amazing.

Oh. Thank you.

Do you wanna come on in?

I don't know.

I walked out on my brother on his wedding weekend.

That's a pretty unforgivable thing to do.

Now, Jack, what are you gonna do, stay out here? Come on.

I figured maybe you could snag me some binoculars.

I could watch the ceremony from the hill tomorrow.

No, I'm gonna come in.

I just wanted to check in with you first

and apologize for all the drama.

Look, you don't need to apologize.

I'm the one who should be apologizing.

No. No.

A lot of those things that you said, I needed to hear.

And I did.

Come on in. I know Bobby's gonna be so happy to have his best man back.

Hey, guys.

Hey, look who's back.

Hey. You're back, right?

Yeah, and P.J. told me you guys filled in as best men,

so thanks for that.

So, we're not doing that anymore.

No. I got it.

Actually, it's just as well. This thing's empty.

Could you guys excuse me?

I gotta go let my little brother beat me up again.

Hey, speaking of brother, where's Andy?

He said he's not gonna be able to make dinner.

He's taking the ceremony so seriously.

Ha-ha-ha.

Hold for laughs.

Look, John's here.

Oh, man, I can't believe he made it after all.

I hope our bar deal's still on.

Brendan. Hey.

Good to see you, man. Yeah, same, man.

Hey, dude. I heard you weren't gonna make it.

Yeah, I got held up in Chicago,

but I'm really glad that you're here.

You're still interested in the bar, right?

You kidding? Yeah.

I got all your texts and your e-mails about the floor plan.

And I made you a mix CD.

Let's start with a drink and go from there.

Yeah.

I'm just confused. I thought we had a great time last night.

We did.

I just don't know who this person is today.

I mean, can't you just be yourself?

You see, now, that's a trap.

How? Okay, "Be yourself."

"Oh, okay. This is me." "You know what? I don't like that guy."

And then where are we?

See, you're funny.

So, am I gonna see you later?

Listen, Mike, we're in the same position.

We both came to this wedding to have a little fun.

You didn't really think this was gonna go someplace, did you?

Excuse me.

Goody. This is about to get interesting.

First of all, I owe apologies to everybody here,

but I figured I would do that individually over the next three years.

When Bobby and I were kids, we would sit in the bleachers at Wrigley,

trying to catch home runs.

And depending on the wind and who was at bat,

I'd switch seats about a dozen times during the game.

But not Bobby. Bobby would...

He'd pick a seat and he'd sit and wait.

And during all those years, I never caught one ball.

Bobby caught four.

That pretty much sums up my little brother.

He's always had the patience and the faith

to wait for good things to find him.

And that's true of his friends and his career and now, Elsa.

Anyway, here's to Bobby for catching Elsa, home run number five.

Hear, hear. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers.

So, you really never caught a ball?

Nope, not once.

No, I did. One time.

I was heckling Dave Winfield, and he whipped one at me.

Did you get him to sign it?

No, I don't think he was in the mood.

Oh, gosh, I really like you.

Our timing sucks, doesn't it?

Yeah.

I really like you, too.

I just don't really want to make things more complicated.

You know.

This is... This is about Bobby.

And you and I both need to just be here for him.

But someday, I would like to take you to a wedding

where neither one of us knows anybody

and we can make it totally about us.

It is a deal. Okay.

We might even dance.

Yes. All right.

Dude, you totally screamed.

I did not scream!

Bobby, you're getting married in, like,

12 hours.

Yeah.

Um...

All right, well, then, one more.

Attaboy.

Wait a second, wait a second. We didn't hear Kenny's speech.

Well, I happen to have it right here

if you wanted to hear... Well, okay.

Let me get this. Here we go.

No, no, no, no.

All right, I'll give you the short version.

Bobby, one day, you'll look back and you'll realize

you were married long before Elsa.

You'll realize you had one big, loud wife,

and it was us, all your friends.

And, yes, we'd argue, and, yes, we'd make up,

and of course we wondered why you spent so much time on the Internet.

Creepy. But we loved you and we still love you,

even though you left us for a much hotter woman.

We're gonna miss you, Bobby.

Yeah, so, how do you feel about tomorrow?

Okay.

I mean, good, good. You know, it's just... It's kind of weird

because, like, three months ago I didn't even know Elsa.

I mean, I was touring Italy with you.

It all just, you know, happened so fast.

My parents only knew each other 10 days before they got married.

They've been married 32 years.

Well, listen, it doesn't matter how long you know someone,

as long as they make you feel safe and comfortable and loved.

As long as it's somebody that you can totally be yourself with.

Yeah, and I think you know in your heart when it's the right person.

You know, it's that person who is always there for you

and who sees things in you that you might not even see in yourself.

But what the hell do I know? I'm not the one getting married.

No, no, I think... I think that was pretty close.

Bobby, man, you're doing it right.

You found her. You're locking it down.

And take it from me. In my experience,

you don't act on it, one day you wake up,

the woman you love's married to somebody else.

Dude, let it go, all right? Enough about Wendy.

I'm not talking about Wendy. I'm talking about Elsa, man.

I got a little thing for her. I'm not gonna lie.

No, I'm good with that.

I gotta go to sleep.

I got lots of sobering up to do

before all the drinking tomorrow.

I guess so, huh? All right.

Last one.

To the boy.

And the bar.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

Sorry, am I waking you up?

No, come in.

I was just working on the sermon.

So, what's on your mind, son?

I don't know. Maybe...

Maybe it's just cold feet, but I...

I'm really having second thoughts.

About?

The wedding.

I'm so relieved.

I thought you were having second thoughts about me as a minister.

Now I kind of am.

Come on, Bobby.

You do realize these feelings are completely normal.

Yeah?

Like you went through this?

No. Meredith did.

The night before our wedding, she freaked out.

And what happened?

We talked about it.

We realized she was stressed about the wedding.

But thinking about being married, she was excited.

We were both excited. We were best friends.

We were looking forward to starting a family and growing old together.

Well, not the growing old part.

No, that's depressing.

Nobody wants to die, Bobby.

Why are we talking about death?

Talk to her.

You're about to spend the rest of your life with this woman.

You should be able to be honest with her about how you feel.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Good talking to you, son.

We're done. Okay.

There's something about weddings that really affects people.

Friendships are formed.

Family ties are strengthened.

Hi, honey, I was just talking about you.

Old flames are reignited.

Strangers turn into lovers.

And lovers turn into friends.

But sometimes things fall apart.

Bobby, hey. What's going on?

I think I'm marrying the wrong woman.

Do you remember where I put my...

Hey.