Original subtitles

We all get so entrenched in our everyday lives

that sometimes any change in routine can really be a disruption.

Those are all pre-orders for your book?

Yeah.

Oh, my God! That's amazing.

What's your book about?

It's a guide to help women get out of bad relationships.

It's called You're a Great Guy, But...

But what?

No, that's the title. You're a Great Guy, But...

But what?

Dude, like, "You're a great guy, but you wear fedoras."

Yeah, or "You're a great guy, but you're cheap."

Yeah, or "You're a great guy, but you're an idiot."

I get it. So, it's like, "You're a great guy,

"but you're not a great guy, you're Mike."

Yeah.

Well, whatever, 253,000 women

have already bought her book, and it's not even out yet.

My God! Hey, how many do you have to sell to be a relationship guru?

I think, like, a half-mil. So, until then, I'm just a humorist.

All right. Well, I'm going to go. All right.

All right, see you later, Peej. I'll call you tomorrow.

Congrats. See you, Poopie.

Bye.

Why'd we turn on each other there?

I mean, when she's around, same team.

I'm sorry, I panicked. I'm sorry.

She gets under my skin, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I apologize. I'm sorry.

Okay. Where's Brendan?

Brendo?

What? Deal me in.

Sometimes people deal with change by not dealing.

You can't play from the couch. Come on, join the class.

No, I'm too tired. Just tell me what I have.

Two tens.

Okay, raise,

but not too much.

Dude, you don't sound good. You sure you're not getting sick?

No, I'm not sick. Just depressed.

Life going poorly.

All right. Well, I'm going to re-raise your tens with my kings.

See?

Hi, all. Sorry I'm late.

Hey, what's up, Andy? Want a drink?

Yes, and I'll have some nuts.

You're smiling creepy. Is everything okay?

Yes, and you have a stain on your shirt.

What are you talking about?

Yes, and I'm a Virgo.

Who had today in the when-Andy-goes-crazy pool?

Winner.

I'm practicing my improvisation.

My teacher told me to always say "Yes, and" in scenes.

Being agreeable makes life easier.

Since when are you taking improv classes?

The firm is paying for the class.

They're supposed to make me more spontaneous, better in negotiations.

Because there's nothing tougher than a lawyer who won't stop agreeing.

Jo took the class, loved it.

You're all about your cool, new friend, Jo.

If Jo told you to jump off a bridge, would you?

Yes, and I'd take you with me.

Oh!

I dated this improviser in college for a few weeks.

It was a nightmare.

He kept doing this.

Oh, God!

He thought it was hilarious.

He was wrong.

Wrong, Kenny. Wrong.

Thanks. Well, I'm liking the class.

The only bummer is I'm the only lawyer.

It's me and a bunch of actresses half my age.

"Yes, and" I'll be taking that class with you.

And it costs 300 bucks.

How many girls?

I don't know, eight.

Eight into 300.

Do it. It seems cost-efficient.

It's good value. I'm in.

He's good.

Brendo, you've got eight-three of clubs.

Bluff.

He's all in.

Just call me after, I guess. Okay, bye.

Hey, guys.

Hey, what's up?

No. I just got off the phone with Elsa.

There's maybe a problem with her visa.

You're kidding me. No.

She might not be able to keep working in the States.

Dude, that sucks, man.

Wait a minute, so this means I need a new nanny?

Yeah, maybe. She's calling Meredith right now.

Well, I got to be smart this time.

I've got to find a nanny that's as good as Elsa,

but looks more like Kenny.

So, you're looking for a cross between Kenny and Elsa?

What? Why's everyone looking at me?

Sometimes a disruption forces you to come up with a way

to deal on the fly, to improvise.

Well, it's official. Elsa has to leave the country for two years

before she can work here again. No.

Oh, no. That's terrible. I'm sorry.

Man, it's amazing. I finally meet somebody that I really like,

and she's getting deported.

Well, you could do the long-distance thing until she gets back.

Yeah, but does that ever really work out?

I mean, let's be honest. It's just a lot of phone calls that are like,

"What's wrong?" "Nothing." "I miss you." "I miss you, too."

"Why are you getting all quiet?"

"Because I'm tired, it's 4:00 a.m."

Mmm-hmm. Before you know it, she's telling you

about hiking with her new best friend, Olaf,

and how she and Olaf did the funniest thing the other day.

Wait a second, who's Olaf?

Oh. You'll see.

You would build up some serious frequent flier miles.

You know, people don't know that they can use those miles for other stuff,

like shoes or a popcorn maker

or shoes.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know, I'm not right.

Dude, you are sick, okay. Just go see a doctor.

No. No doctors!

"No doctors"?

What are you, a wounded bank robber?

My health insurance got canceled.

I got no choice. I gotta go to Dr. Brendo now.

No.

Who is Dr. Brendo?

It's the doctor that lives inside his head.

Yeah.

He went to Harvard Medical School.

Inside your head?

Whatever, dude. It's Harvard.

Anyway, it's Brendo self-diagnosing, usually using the Internet.

And the last time he did it, it did not go very well.

He diagnosed it correctly. It was a sprained ankle.

Yeah, and Dr. Brendo made you buy that supermarket cane

and your ankle healed wrong.

Ah-ha! But it did heal.

Harvard! Hell, yeah.

Okay, great, let's hold it up right there!

Really, really good job, everybody.

Very well done. As you can see, "Pass the clap"

is an excellent way to warm up the group mind.

Hey, last time I passed the clap, she wasn't that happy.

This guy gets it.

Okay, hey, how about we do some scenes, huh?

Caitlin, why don't you stay up,

and Andy, want to give it a try?

Scene work. Okay. Just we'll do two-man scenes.

Everyone else take a...

Take a little break there. Excellent.

We're going to do an open scene, all right, you just make the call.

And begin.

Looks like it might storm, Florence.

Excellent way to set the mood!

Yes, and

we should take the chess board in from the veranda.

Wonderful, Caitlin!

The Union army's guns are close.

Just go with it.

The army's coming.

That's a mighty tight corset you're wearing there, Florence, mighty tight.

Just go with it.

Now, Grandpa, get back down in the basement.

And scene! Okay, really, really wonderful space work,

both of you, actually. Excellent justification, Andy.

I had a question.

I'll talk to him later.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God. What is that?

Dr. Brendo wanted me to drink as much green tea and garlic as possible.

You guys have green tea?

No.

And what were you doing in that fireman scene?

I was making a pizza.

I totally thought you were carving a pumpkin,

but it still worked!

Hey, you guys, how was your improv practice?

It's called rehearsal, and it was really good.

You have to come see our first show.

Our class performs Saturday night from 7:20 to 7:45.

Wait a second, you're going to perform in front of people, Andy?

Yeah, Jo was right. This class has made me so bold and confident.

Hey, I'm going to take this chair.

You guys aren't using it. Thanks.

We don't even need this chair.

Well, yeah, just promise me nobody pretends to walk into anything.

We can't promise anything. We make it up as we go along.

Well, I don't think I can make it.

Dr. Brendo wants me to stay home and have a good sweat.

Well, he'll be happy you're getting a head start.

Well, I'm coming. I'll bring Beth. She loves improv.

Beth is still going out with you?

What kind of crazy mojo spell did you cast on this poor girl?

Did you ever think that maybe she just likes me?

No. Okay, just for that,

when they ask for a location at your improv show, I'm going to say Scotland.

It's the hardest of all accents.

Oh. No, it's not.

"There's a banshee on the moor."

Nailed it!

Hi, guys. Hey. Hey, Andy.

Hello, Elsa.

Yes, we did, thank you.

Elsa, we're really sorry. We heard.

Yeah.

Oh. Umm. Don't be sorry.

We have some great news.

We're engaged. We're engaged.

Really? Yeah!

That's huge! Thank you!

Finally, a reason to buy some shots, huh?

Congratulations.

Oh, God!

It's so funny.

Oh, the time difference. We should call my parents.

They'll be waking up by now.

Yes! Sorry to toast and run, you guys,

but I'd rather not have bar noise when I call her dad

and ask for his tillatelse.

It's close. Okay. Bye, guys.

Bye. Bye.

We're so happy for you.

You guys make a great couple.

Well, this has disaster written all over it.

Seriously. He barely knows her.

I mean, I don't mean to be a cynic here, but it does seem sudden.

Yeah, I'm worried. It worries me.

I mean, she knows he's loaded. He should get a prenup.

Well, there are only two possibilities.

Elsa is marrying Bobby to get a green card

so she can stay in the country

or it's 1941 and Bobby's going off to war.

Come on, you guys. Look, Elsa is awesome,

Bobby is the most level-headed dude we know.

Don't we trust him to make his own decisions?

No, Brendo, you're delirious with fever, okay?

This is stupid and it's rash. I mean, it's an insane thing to do.

You know, she's not from this land. She doesn't know our customs.

She's from Sweden, not the future.

Okay, well, all I'm saying is somebody should talk to him,

you know, rationally, make sure he knows what he's doing.

Agreed. I nominate P.J.

Second.

There is a third possibility. Bobby's pregnant.

So, what do you think?

Oh, my God, Stephanie, this is so cool.

I mean, I just love the drawing of the woman

because she can climb a ladder and eat cake.

Umm. Stephanie, this bio says that you live in

a house made of recycled tires in Portland.

Mmm-hmm.

And whose dog is this?

I don't know. It's all part of the image of my nom de plume.

Okay, you know that means "pen name," right? Not "life story of lies."

Is that... Are you taking care of someone's bird again?

Ugh! Brendo!

Dude, your sickness is starting to stink up the entire apartment.

Light a candle.

What is with the ice pack?

Dr. Brendo prescribed ice on the belly.

But I thought you had a flu, and I never heard of ice helping...

Belly ice. Ice, ice, ice.

So, what's going on with Bobby? He and Elsa set a date yet?

Who knows? I'm trying not to indulge all of that insanity.

Why are you so down on them getting married, anyway?

Because people don't get married just to stay in the country.

Okay, A, see Green Card,

and, two, maybe they're really in love.

Please. I think somebody's letting

their Bobby issues get in the way.

Bobby issues?

You got Bobby issues?

I don't have Bobby issues.

Let's go watch some improv! Yeah.

No, no, no, no, P.J. Come here, come here, come here.

Talk to Dr. Brendo.

Fine.

I asked Bobby to Italy to see if maybe there was a chance for us.

I knew it.

But it wasn't meant to be.

And I am actually totally cool with that.

And that has nothing to do with my feelings about him getting engaged.

Okay, fine, not nothing to do with it.

Does Bobby know any of this?

No. No.

Well, P.J., look, you gotta tell him the truth, okay?

This is a major life choice he's making here,

and he needs to know all of his options.

I agree, and I am

a guru.

A half a million?

Oh, yeah.

Hey! Oh, my...

My God! Dude, your breath!

Sorry. I grew mold on bread and ate it.

Why? Penicillin.

What? I just saved 80 bucks.

Hey, you guys made it.

Hey, yeah, we wouldn't miss it.

You guys remember Beth.

Hi.

I'm so excited! I'm nervous for you. Are you guys nervous?

Nah.

Oh, God, I just love improv.

I can't believe you make it up as you go along.

What if it's horrible?

I just got nervous.

Actually, we need to go warm up. Come on.

Can you save a seat? Yeah, Meredith's coming?

No, my buddy Jo might drop by.

Yeah.

All right, let's hear it for our students from level one.

I can't believe we're stuck up here in this Ferris wheel, Martha.

It's romantic up here.

All right, easy.

So, I need a location.

Snuffleupagus vacation.

We're too low.

Pull your chute.

I already did.

Wanna dance? Freeze.

Freeze!

Freeze.

Come here.

All right, great, excellent, excellent.

So...

Sorry, this seat is saved.

I know, I think it's saved for me.

You know what, it's for my brother's friend Jo.

Yeah, I know. You're P.J., right? I'm Jo.

You're Jo, I'm P.J.

This is Jo.

Okay. We need a first line of dialog.

Oh, Jo's a woman!

I heard, "Oh, Jo's a woman."

Great, huh? All right.

Yeah, it felt like it just came together.

Did it feel like it was written?

No! No, it didn't seem written at all.

No, it didn't?

Uh-uh!

What? I'm not.

It was just a great show, Andy.

Really? Yeah.

Thanks for coming.

Yeah, and it was really nice to meet you, Jo.

Andy has told us so much about you.

Thanks, it's really good to meet you, too. Yeah, was that a great show?

What a great show. Great show.

Makes me realize how much I miss that class.

You know what, hey, let's do an improv.

We can show... Show continues.

Okay.

It is hot here in the middle of the jungle.

Yes, and... And I am an explorer.

And you are my assistant in the jungle.

Just hold on a minute.

Yeah, my knife is ringing.

That's good. I gotta take this.

Oh, and it was getting good, we've got a thing.

Yeah, no, that was good.

It was nice to meet you both.

I'll see you at work. I'll walk you out.

'Cause you're my assistant. 'Cause I'm your assistant.

I said that the same time as you!

I can't believe Jo's a she.

I can't believe I watched a 20-minute scene about it.

You don't have to order a beer, I brought one for you.

Look, fake beer. I'm actually thirsty.

Well, then perhaps m'lady needs a hearty mug of mead.

Hi, can I get a beer?

Dude! Great show! You, too.

That was so fun, wasn't it?

No, we're theater people, we hug.

Oh. All right. Here you go.

You were great, too, Caitlin.

Oh. Thank you.

Our scenes always have such great chemistry.

I mean, I think we should try taking it off-stage, don't you?

"Yes, I do, and..."

Listen, Mike. You're a great guy,

but I don't think of you in that way.

You're just a little old for me. I'm sorry, okay?

And scene.

Way to give me the old guy character again.

That was great. That felt like a real rejection.

Great show!

You guys did that whole song in a sink!

I laughed so much. Ask Kenny.

She did.

Well, I'm going to go to the loo, laddie!

Told you. Who needs? You good?

No, no. I need. I need lots, actually.

Hey, I saw you in the audience.

You did?

Yeah, you were the one who yelled out

"Reagan Library" as a location, right?

Yeah.

That was such a good suggestion.

Thank you.

What's happening?

You're a really great audience member.

Should have seen me watching Rambo.

Hello. I'm early.

Hi!

I'll put these in the fridge.

Yeah, thanks.

Hilarious, huh? That show.

Oh, my God. God!

So funny. Yeah, thanks.

Of course, most of the Gilligan's Island references were lost on Elsa,

so I'm pretty sure, as a result,

she had a better time than I did.

Yeah.

So, speaking of Elsa...

Let's... Let's talk about Elsa.

Wow, that took you about a minute.

Did they nominate you to talk to me?

How did you guess?

I've been in on that vote before.

It's always you.

Always me.

It just seems so fast, you know?

I do.

And you know her visa expires at the end of the month,

so that definitely pushed the issue a little bit,

but we both feel really ready for this.

Yeah, but have you really thought this through?

I mean, it's just risky.

Risky?

Well, it's a huge life decision, right?

And Andy was telling me that if INS finds out it's fake,

you could go to jail.

But it's not fake.

Right, I know, but if INS really...

Look, P.J.,

it's not fake.

Well, so that means she's really, like, the one?

I mean, how well do you know this person?

Really well.

You've only been...

Okay, I know she can reference poets

that I've never heard of, you know?

And I know that she sings this funny German nursery rhyme

with her dad at the end of their phone calls.

And I know that she has a tiny, little birthmark right there

that looks like a little Snoopy head.

It's amazing.

I know she's afraid of bees, which I think is adorable.

And, you know, I know that I love her.

And, listen, I know that from the outside

it probably looks like a really stupid thing to do

and I appreciate the concern. I do.

But, you know, when you feel this way about a person,

you've got to just go for it.

You know, you've got to seize the moment and say Geronimo.

Great news!

I've got shingles.

That's great news?

Yeah. Yeah, I know what it is.

I googled "burning rash around the midsection,"

and it's shingles.

Now I can treat it.

Buddy, no offense, but your face kind of looks like a sweaty volleyball.

Oh.

None taken, dude.

Now according to internurse.com, all I gotta do

is eliminate stress from my life, and it goes away.

I think shingles is pretty serious, okay. It can spread.

Okay, okay, okay. Shh. All right. You're not helping my stress, okay.

Now, I'm going to borrow your "Calming Ponds and Streams" CD.

Dr. Brendo's orders.

So, listen, do Elsa and I have your,

you know, blessing?

Wow.

If there's one thing I learned about improvising,

it's that sometimes you just have to say...

Yes, and Geronimo.

Geronimo.