Original subtitles

Friday night. All over the city, people are out on dates.

But why would I want to do that, when I can do this?

Yes! You're trapped, mouse!

No, no, this feels good.

We're almost 30 and we're playing a game

that says "Recommended age, three to five."

Yep. Life is going according to plan.

Hello, friends.

As you know, the Franklin home employs a small but necessary staff.

We have a gardener, a dog walker, a maid, and now a nanny.

A super-hot Swedish nanny.

Wait, exactly how hot?

She's unbelievably gorgeous.

Like, the world smells sweeter, the sky is bluer.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

We all know that Andy's gauge of hot is always way off.

What are you talking about?

Katie Couric?

Come on. You guys don't see it?

Oh, my God.

Elsa! Over here.

Hey, Andy. I have your keys.

Thank you so much. Elsa, this is my sister, P.J.

Hi, Elsa. It's nice to meet you.

You, too.

And this is everyone else.

Hello, everyone else.

Where are you from in Sweden?

Stockholm.

Gosh, I really want to go there. I hear it's beautiful.

Isn't it?

Yeah. Especially in the summertime.

Summer? I didn't even think about summer.

Well, I should get going.

Bye, Andy. It was really nice to meet you, everyone.

See you back at the house. My house, where you live.

With me.

Oh, my God, Andy.

I would kill you if she asked me to.

You'd be justified.

Sweden just let her go?

Sweden is dumb.

Is she good with Savannah?

Who cares?

My God, you guys, she's pretty but come on, get a hold of yourselves.

That reminds me. Do you guys remember when she was here?

Yes. Yes. She was right there.

She was just standing there.

And while some of us are in a rut, one of us is in a groove.

So, as of this morning... Yeah.

...three different publishers are interested in the book.

Stephanie, that's fantastic!

It's amazing what you can get done

when you swear off TV, men and Internet shopping.

Well, I'm thrilled for you,

and I'm not ashamed to admit it, I am totally jealous.

And did I tell you that one of the publishers

is considering signing me to a three-book deal?

Oh, my God. Congratulations!

Let me tell you, it could all be yours if you gave up men.

Oh, yeah. Believe me, I'm close.

Italy didn't work out, and here I am,

back in the same old cycle, same old people.

Yeah. You need to expand your horizons.

Hey, you should have a singles dinner party.

You know, you invite your single friends over,

they each bring a single friend, romance ensues.

Not a bad idea.

Oh, my God. Last night, I had this dream that I was like 70,

still single, still hanging out with the guys.

Sweetie, I've had that dream about you, too.

A dinner party? Come on, you can't be serious.

Why not? It could be fun.

So, basically, what you're suggesting

is that we all come over to your place

and sit around your table and not play poker.

No, because we would all bring a single friend.

See, now, what you just described is all of us

plus five dudes you've never seen, not playing poker.

That doesn't sound good?

Too many dudes.

Who needs? Please.

Come on, you guys, we've got to try something different.

Something new.

My friend, Beth, she's playing guitar tomorrow night.

How about that? Anybody wanna come?

Dude, you've got to find yourself a boyfriend

to drag to these lame events.

That's what the dinner party is for.

All right, if none of you guys are gonna go to that,

at least one of you guys can come to this, all right?

Draw pretzels.

Ha!

You win. You get to go.

What? No! How is that winning?

Tomorrow night, 8:00. Don't be drunk.

Fine. But in the future, there's an easier way

to convince people to do things.

Watch this. Awesome, I won.

What did you win? Nothing. You can't go.

I wasn't asking to go. I just want to know what you won.

Ticket to an awesome concert tomorrow night, but you're not invited.

Okay. Why is Mike using his weird reverse-psychology thing on me?

My friend's playing guitar at a coffee shop tomorrow. You wanna come?

Sure. Could be fun.

Puppet master.

♪ Keep it coming Ooh, you keep it coming

♪ Not afraid of drowning

♪ Keep it coming Ooh, you keep it coming Underwater I can breathe ♪

Whoo! Whoo!

Not bad, not bad.

Yeah. Did you guys like them?

No, but they're cute.

Really cute, and talented.

Here they come. Talk me up.

Hey, so you made it!

Hi. You guys are great.

Thanks so much. This is Margo.

Hi. Hi, I'm P.J.

These are my really good friends. This is Kenny. This is Mike.

Hi. Hi.

It's nice to meet you.

Hi, it's nice to meet you. How are you?

You guys were great. Honestly.

Kind of a female Simon and Garfunkel with a tasty urban flavoring.

Oh, thanks.

P.J., I'm so bummed. I wanted to hang out and catch up,

but we have a photo-shoot.

Oh, wow.

When am I gonna see you?

Gosh, I don't know.

Maybe... P.J.'s having a dinner party.

That's right. A fantastic dinner party.

You should invite your friends.

Um, yeah. Friday night. I would love it if you guys could come.

Sounds great. Okay.

I'm in. But, not to be annoying, I don't eat red meat.

Neither do I. Hate it.

I love it, I'm just allergic.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm psyched. I'll see you Friday.

Great. Great.

- Have a good shoot. - Bye.

So, now you like my dinner party.

Hey, it's a win-win, you know?

You get your precious dinner party and we get dates.

Fine. I'll set it up.

But you realize you have to bring someone for me.

I figured I'd bring Mike. I'm bringing Kenny.

No.

You know what, if you guys cannot come up with one decent man,

I will torpedo you both so fast your head will spin.

Torpedo me? How?

The pillowcase underpants story,

the video of you line dancing,

the time you made your own self-tanner...

I can bring a dude. Yeah. No problem.

Easily, I could find a guy on the corner.

Actually, I'm gonna call somebody tonight.

I'm just saying, if I had a nanny like that, I would quit my job,

and I'd stay home just to be with her.

Dude, if you quit your job, you wouldn't need a nanny.

Okay. Let's not overthink this.

Hello!

Hey!

Dude, what are you doing here?

Why aren't you home staring at your nanny?

Oh, God, you guys, it's awful. It's just horrible.

Oh, no! What happened? It didn't work out?

No, she's still there. That's the problem.

Turns out she's not just a hot Swede.

She paints, she loves jazz, she's teaching the family tai chi.

What a nightmare.

It is a nightmare,

'cause I have an involuntary need to impress this woman.

It's awful.

I find myself pretending to be debonair and intellectual.

I eat healthy.

I mean, it's been days since I've gotten drunk and watched Point Break.

Please, being debonair's not that hard.

I'm this far from being Cary Grant all the time.

You literally have a pound of dip on your chin.

Oh. That reminds me, the dinner party is back on.

Bobby, Brendan, you guys in?

Mmm. I think I'm busy. Me, too.

You guys aren't busy.

You're just waiting to see if something better comes along.

Come on, you guys, I'm just trying to shake things up here.

If they don't want to come, they don't want to come.

Yeah, P.J., there's no reason to badger them

into coming to your dumb dinner party.

Smooth, you guys.

Hey, you guys remember when Elsa was in Crowley's?

Yes! Oh, yeah.

Hello?

Hey, Andy. Hey, Andy.

What are you doing here?

I just came by to visit with Savannah and Meredith.

I mean, I haven't seen them in so long, you know.

Savannah's at her friend's house and Meredith is...

What have you done with Meredith?

Hi, honey. Look who just showed up at the back door.

Well, hello, Robert.

Brendan, what are you doing here?

I just brought by some chocolate and an army knife.

Mmm. No. Sweden.

It's too bad you guys weren't here an hour ago.

You could've done yoga with me and Elsa.

Shoot. Next time. Yeah. Next time.

Yes, well, I had to stop and get this poetry collection

by Charlotte Ostergren.

Oh. I'm not happy with that translation.

Me, either.

Life is so much better since we moved back to the city.

Andy is like a new man.

I'm always improving.

So, Elsa, how long have you been in Chicago?

A few years. I got my degree from the Art Institute

and I absolutely just fell in love with the city.

Well, if you ever want to see, like,

Wrigley Field or the Chicago Club,

I would be more than happy to show you.

Or... Or... You know, the city's got some great nightlife.

I could take you to a blues club,

or there's this great fondue place that's...

Is that... No.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and pick up Savannah.

And I should get ready for dinner.

We're having steamed vegetables and quinoa.

Yum!

It was so nice to see you guys.

Yeah. You, too.

So hungry.

Ooh! I have a bag of Cheetos taped to the back of the toilet.

Hello.

So, it's you, me, Kenny, Mike, and your two friends?

Yes, and one mystery man.

Ooh.

Okay, the mystery man is for me, not you.

I know. I'm just excited that I get to watch three blind dates.

I mean, for a woman that's sworn off men and TV,

that's a pretty good night.

Yeah, and this night might bring some of us out of a long romantic slump.

Hey, you look nice.

Thank you. What's she doing here?

Please. Watching you on a blind date,

I would buy season tickets, if I could.

Oh. I never got a chance to talk to you about Beth and Margo.

Is there one of them you like?

I think they're both nice.

I figure I'll see what Mike does, and go from there.

What do you mean? You're going to let Mike choose for you?

No, don't worry, I'll get in there.

I'm like a Honda, not too flashy but dependable.

Mike's like an old convertible Mustang.

You know, the girls think it's gonna be fun,

but the truth is, it's two tickets from a boot, it's missing hubcaps,

smells like French fries,

used to be the cool car in the neighborhood,

now it's the eyesore in the front yard.

That's when they come back to the Honda.

Andy, what are you doing here?

I can't go home.

Well, we're having a dinner party. There's only so much food.

You won't even know I'm here.

You're avoiding Elsa.

I can't take it anymore. I got caught in a Charlie Rose lie.

Got so many balls in the air!

All day long, I have to act professional,

and all night long, I have to suck in my gut and act mature.

I'm exhausted. I need a break.

Fine. Fine. You can stay, all right?

Great. I'm going to go meditate, I mean pee.

I can say it here, can't I?

Here.

Hey, everybody, hey! Hi.

Hey. This is my good buddy, Chris.

How you doing?

Hi.

Thank you for coming, Chris.

Thanks for having me.

You know, it smells delicious in here. Are you cooking eggplant?

Yes, I am.

Well, I could not be more psyched.

I think I smell, what, sage and marjoram?

Impressive. You have a great nose.

And shoulders.

You wanna see what's cooking, grab a glass of wine?

Sounds good.

Okay. I'll follow you.

Mmm.

Who's that guy?

I barely know him. I play basketball with him.

Hey, let's talk some strategy. Ha-ha!

Sure.

Okay, here's what's going to happen. When the girls get here,

I'm going to spend a few minutes chatting them both up.

I will then choose a winner,

at which point I will signal you, and you get the loser.

What do you think? Sure.

Great. Hello?

Hello.

- Hey! - Hi.

Hey. Thank you guys for coming.

Thanks.

We brought wine.

Wow. Thank you so much. So nice.

Oh, thank you. Sure.

I want you to meet some people. This is Stephanie.

Hi. Chris.

Kenny. Hi, I'm Mike.

Hi. We met the other night. How are you?

Good.

Hey. Hey.

After you guys did the thing with the guitars, right?

How are you? Good.

Hi. You both look lovely. Are you thirsty?

Want a little wine? A little bit?

Kenny, why don't you grab some wine for the girls?

Sure. Thanks.

I'll have some wine, too. And a beer.

I see you dressed for the party.

I was just going to wear a robe, so you're welcome.

So, Chris, where'd you learn how to cook?

Well, my grandmother mostly,

but when I worked at the station, I picked up a lot.

Station?

I was a firefighter for about 10 years.

And you don't do that anymore?

No, I took a really bad fall. Ended up getting 40 stitches in my shoulder.

You know what, here, feel the scar.

Oh! Ouch!

It goes all the way back.

Let me feel.

Ow!

So, anyway, now I'm finishing up my degree in veterinary science.

A bad day means I get bit by a cute puppy.

You are adorable.

Stop.

You mind if I use your restroom?

Oh. Yeah, sure. Down the hall, first door on the left.

"You're adorable"? Really?

Well, he is.

My God, I just want to break him in two and suck out the middle.

All right, Steph, put it back in your pants.

If you want to go after him, that's fine. Just let me know,

because I'm actually trying to have a nice dinner party here

and it's kind of hard to do that

if everybody's fighting over who gets who.

What are you doing?

What's going on? My girl's broken.

So, what do you want me to do about it? Give me yours.

I'm just saying you guys are the perfect level of attractive.

I mean, you're good-looking,

but not so much where I feel uncomfortable around you.

That's sweet, kind of.

And wildly offensive, kind of.

No, you know, like Monica Seles.

Now, him, on the other hand, I can't even make eye contact.

Are you drunk? Getting there.

We can't just switch girls. Why not?

Because it doesn't work that way.

Plus, I'm having a really good time talking to Beth.

I thought I was talking to Beth.

You're an idiot.

Just switch with me, please. Switch with me, please.

Switch with me. Please, please, please! Oh, my God.

You might just wanna switch. He's not gonna quit.

Fine. I'll switch with you.

Thank you. Now, what can you tell me about the other girl?

Beth is from Milwaukee. Her father's a dentist.

She just got done backpacking in Nepal.

When she was 11, she had the hiccups for two months.

Okay. Got it.

What can you tell me about Margo? I don't know. She's crazy.

You've been talking to her for 10 minutes.

You haven't learned anything?

She's a crazy zombie. Good luck.

Balls, dude. Brendan is here.

He's the Porsche to my Honda.

Tough, tough day at the station today, man.

A huge fight broke out over whether or not Billy Ocean was considered

adult contemporary or smooth R&B.

I'm like, "Who's Billy Ocean?"

Did not go over well.

Hi, I'm Chris.

Hey, Brendan. Good to know you.

Brendo, what are you doing here?

Well, I live here, and I thought you guys were my friends.

Yeah, you just said you weren't coming.

No, no, no. I never said either way.

Well, there just isn't enough food.

Oh, my God. Margo is laughing. She thinks Kenny is funny.

What's wrong with her?

How's Mike doing?

Not good. Beth looks like this...

Wow. Two girls are into Kenny.

Dude must be in the Love Zone.

It's a lesser-known Billy Ocean hit.

Yeah. Would you excuse me? I'm just gonna...

All right, girls, so what's the 411 on Brendan?

Regarding...

Is he in the choir?

Gay?

No. Damn.

All the good ones are either straight or taken.

Who wants more red wine?

I'm okay.

Oh, my God.

Mike brought us a gay man.

Hey, when's dinner?

There's too many people.

FHB. No! No FHB!

Yes, FHB.

Okay. What's FHB?

Whenever the Franklin family has a large event, there's never enough food.

So, we have to institute an FHB, a Family Hold Back.

Meaning make sure the guests get plenty to eat before the family eats.

That's not fair. I'm a family guest.

I don't even know what that means.

P.J., you gotta help me.

Put in a good word with Beth and Maggie.

Margo? Whatever.

They think Kenny is the catch.

Someone's gotta tell these blind idiots what is what.

Somebody's gotta explain why they brought a non-viable man

to a set-up party.

Yeah. What are you talking about?

He doesn't know. Know what?

Chris is gay.

What? No.

I play basketball with him every weekend.

Dude, they think you're gay.

I am. Do you have a problem with that?

No.

You're gay?

Does the rest of the team know?

Mike, it's a gay league.

Dude.

More wine.

So, those ladies seem to think that you're pretty funny.

Yeah. I told them I'd rather dance with a panda bear

than eat a brussel sprout.

What does that even mean?

I have no idea. But they just laughed and laughed and laughed.

All right, you guys, dinner's ready.

Could you please just step into the living room and let me finish up?

I think we might want to wait.

You can't just decide that.

Of course I can, otherwise, nothing will happen.

This is exactly like Miami.

You're always looking out for yourself and not for me.

That is so unfair! He's clearly into me.

No, he's not. You're just dominating the conversation.

Oh...

Oh, God.

I am mortified.

I'm so sorry, P.J., I barely know you and I make a big scene.

I should go.

Call me, okay? Seriously.

Margo.

Margo?

I'm sorry, P.J., I should really patch things up with her.

I'll call you later?

Yeah. No problem.

Bye, Kenny.

Kenny is really cute. Don't.

Way to go, Yoko. You broke up the band.

I guess that's it for the dinner party.

This is really delicious.

People left. FHB's lifted, right?

Oh!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You lost a couple of women to Kenny. Who cares?

Will not speak of it.

Can we speak about how you set your female friend up with a gay guy?

You know what? I'm just a little off my game, okay?

I just need to shake it up. Hey, how's it going?

Oh, my God.

Has that ever worked?

I'm in hell!

Welcome to my world. I can't even go home.

Hey, that girl just gave me her number out of the blue.

When it rains, it pours, huh?

I'm happy for you. Really?

No. Oh, my God.

Who is Bobby with?

I don't believe it.

I can't believe he brought her here.

Although that means she's not at my house.

Hi, guys.

Hi, everybody. Hey, Andy.

Hello, Elsa.

Bobby?

Close the bar. My house just became pants-optional.

So, Bobby, can I get you something to drink?

No, no, no. You sit. I'll get it.

No. Don't be ridiculous.

How about I surprise you?

Okay.

Yeah? Sounds great.

Anyone else?

I'm good.

So, well played, sir.

Well, P.J. made the point that we are all single,

and I just thought I'd get out there

and mix things up a little bit.

So, thank you, P.J.

My pleasure.

You know, Bobby, I didn't peg you as the hot young nanny type.

Who isn't?

My entire basketball league.