Original subtitles

Hi!

Thank God! There you are.

Sorry, I am late.

I can't believe you showed up alone.

Do you know what, actually, Stephanie?

I took your advice and I consulted my soul again,

and it turns out there was somebody

that I wanted to bring to Italy.

Oh?

So I called him and I invited him, and he said yes.

Really?

And he's not here.

I waited for him outside, and he didn't show up.

Wait! Who? Who did you invite?

You know what? I was fine.

I was fine, and then I listened to your advice and now look where I am.

I can't even get my damn bag in the damn overhead.

Penelope Franklin?

I'm sorry.

A gentleman has upgraded your ticket to first class.

We have a glass of champagne waiting for you behind those curtains.

What?

Ma'am? Thank you.

You made it.

Yeah, of course! Hey, I hope you don't mind I changed our seats.

I have a ton of frequent flier miles,

and let's face it, in coach, you can't do this.

Oh... Oh...

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Bobby, this is unbelievable!

I know! We're gonna have a blast.

Ma'am! Sorry. Please!

I have to...

Bobby?

Bobby? Bobby.

Hmm.

Hi, Steph!

Hi, Bobby.

Look, I'm as surprised as anyone that it's Bobby,

but I figure maybe this is the risk I should be taking.

I could've come back to coach.

No, they don't like you to do that.

'Cause I'm sure they'll be thrilled we're doing this.

So, Bobby? Since when do you have feelings for Bobby again?

I don't know, you know, a long time ago, there was that spark, right?

Right. And then, the road trip fling...

Right! And then, you know,

I've always had feelings for him

but our timing hasn't been great,

so I guess I was thinking... Ooh! Lotion.

If we're gonna transition this friendship

into something more, you know, what am I waiting for?

You know what I mean?

Isn't a romantic trip to Italy just the time to do it? Mmm-hmm.

And he was like, "Yeah."

No. Wait, what?

No, I didn't say all that to him.

I don't think Bobby has any clue what I'm thinking.

I think he thinks we're just friends.

Well, what did you say to him?

I don't know, something like, "Hey, how about coming to Italy with me?"

What exactly did you say?

Uh... I think I said, "Hey, how about coming to Italy with me?"

Then I might have said, "Dude."

So, I think I gotta play this kind of carefully.

You know what I mean? I don't want to scare him off.

You know, I gotta see how it develops. Let Italy do the work for me.

You invited the guy to come to Italy, right? I mean...

How could he not suspect this was going to be romantic?

Dude, I just took two Xanax and I've gotta say,

nighty night.

I'm saying it's weird, just the three of us sitting here.

Sweetie, just 'cause it's different

doesn't make it weird. Keep an open mind.

You creep me out.

Did you tell Bobby to meet us here?

Yeah, I texted him.

I left him a message yesterday, he never called me back.

He hasn't called you back in a day? He's got a life, right?

What kind of crazy people are you

that worry if a buddy hasn't called you back in a day?

You guys! Bobby's missing and probably dead!

I'm just saying he's very considerate.

That time Bobby had his appendix taken out,

he still managed to call from the hospital.

Girl, get a hold of yourself. It's not unusual for a guy to go underground.

What do you mean?

You know, take a break from life.

Go off the grid.

Just check out for a while.

A lot of things can drive a guy underground. A girl.

Depression.

A really good book.

That's not gay.

Well, I'm concerned.

Kenny, be a man

and stop caring what happens to other men.

Andy, that is a great suit, by the way, man.

You look like a million bucks in that thing.

Thanks.

Ooh!

It's the new job.

I feel like I'm finally living the lifestyle

I should have become accustomed to

had I sold out when I was younger.

But, as it turns out, it's never too late to develop expensive tastes.

And we were out of an Oban, so I brought you a Macallan.

What year? The $20 one.

It's a good year.

Could I get you guys anything else?

No, darling, just for you to

put down that tray and join us.

I wish.

All right, all right.

Did you just bust out the McConaughey?

What?

No. Bad. You can't hit on Terri.

Why not?

Because it's lame to hit on waitresses, man.

Plus you don't crap where you eat.

What are you talking about?

Look, I know you're desperate.

I know you're sad, you feel lonely 'cause no one loves you.

But?

That's just the point I wanted to make.

Well, I gotta go.

I've got a meeting with the general manager down at the station.

Now? Yeah, it's getting crazy down there

'cause rumor has it we might be getting a format change.

Like, you might be a country station?

It's just such an odd choice for you to model yourself after.

Hey, hey. Maybe you could do a shout-out for Bobby on the radio.

Like what? "Bobby, if you hear this, we miss you"?

Kenny, he's underground!

He's probably ballooning somewhere with Richard Branson.

He's fine, broham.

You watch, he'll probably come walking in here any minute now.

No, no, no. Uh-uh.

Boop!

All right. All right.

Well, the table is set for a really romantic trip.

Now, who's going to tell Bobby?

Good morning!

Oh, my God. This place is so beautiful!

I went into town and I got some fresh bread and some fruit

and your very first cappuccino.

Well, I've had a cappuccino before.

No, you haven't.

Mmm.

No, I haven't!

And there's this great little winery right down the road,

so we can go in later and get Mario to give us a tasting.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you so much for bringing me, P.J.

To your family's ridiculously gorgeous villa? You're welcome.

There's so much to see!

Like, I don't know what your plans are,

but we have to go to Venice. We have to.

I am dying to see Rome.

Yes. Yes, there's this great little cafe

overlooking the Spanish Steps.

And we get a bottle of Chianti, we sit outside,

we people-watch. It's fantastic!

Ah!

Wait, what about Stephanie and Lance?

Well... Hmm. You know... Hmm.

I think they want to go their way. You know, we'll just go ours.

I mean, they didn't even want to stay here.

You know, they probably just want to do something romantic.

Just the two of them.

Good. Good for them.

It is good for them.

Hmm.

It's good for us, too.

Am I wrong, or could things be taking a turn?

Hello?

Steph? Hey!

It's over. What do you mean?

I've been up all night fighting with Lance and...

Well, we broke up. He's gone and it's over.

Oh, my God! Steph!

We had nothing in common, except not spending money,

and that's not enough to sustain a relationship, is it?

Well, I wouldn't think so, but then there's my parents.

And you should have seen this fleabag place I had to stay in last night.

I mean, there's charm, and then there's dirt.

This whole vacation is just...

It's ruined and it's only the first day.

Oh, Steph, that's terrible!

So, are you guys gonna go home or...

Steph, you know you're more than welcome to stay here.

I mean, there's tons of room.

Yeah. Are you sure?

What are you talking about? I mean, it'll be a blast, just the three of us.

Yeah, but I don't want to ruin your trip.

Come on!

That's impossible. We're all buddies here.

I mean, now P.J. and I won't feel like

the third and fourth wheel, right?

Yeah. Absolutely.

This was not the turn I was looking for.

It's soft crap, man. I mean, I think they officially call it "Adult Contemporary."

What's that? Like, Sting?

Yeah! Bad Sting.

Ew. God.

Yeah. But, I mean, what am I supposed to do, you know?

I put some applications in at some other stations,

but there are just so few DJ jobs left.

Dude, that sucks.

What are you talking about? You love that music.

No, I don't. Kenny loves that stuff.

No, I don't. I don't like Sting.

You love that Fogelberg song.

What song? You know, the one about the couple.

They used to date.

Then they run into each other. It's Christmas time.

I love that song.

Greetings, lower-tax-bracketeers.

Wow, Andy, you don't even look like yourself.

Thanks. I don't even feel like myself.

I helped a company rape a rainforest today,

so I thought I'd get myself a little something.

Wow!

That must've cost a fortune.

Impressive.

Thanks. I need shorter sleeves.

You see? You just got to be willing to put a price-tag on your integrity.

Is your integrity for sale?

I just don't want to play the soft hits.

Give over to it, Brendan. It's stronger than you are.

Let it hold you in its gentle embrace,

like a very expensive cashmere throw

you would never buy for yourself,

but your office gave it to you

and now you can't live without it.

I sent Bobby an e-mail to his top-secret e-mail.

BobbyNewman@thetrib.trib?

Anyway, it bounced back. No out-of-office reply, just a flat old rejection.

It's fishy.

He's underground.

He's probably on some yacht in Saint Bart's reading Brendan's gay book.

Hey! Watch it!

Look, Kenny...

Even if Bobby has disappeared or been kidnapped or whatever,

it's not really our job to report him.

That's a job for his other friends.

What other friends?

You know, his rich friends.

His childhood friends. People who've known him a lot longer than we have.

For all we know, this is a thing that he does.

What if Bobby is sitting in an oil drum in some warehouse in Hammond,

and his high school friends are thinking what we're thinking?

They're waiting for us to do something.

Speaking of waiting, is anyone going to wait on us?

I have no alcohol.

Oh. Uh...

Hey, Terri, can we get some drinks?

Here you go.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

What did you do to her? I have no idea.

Really? You did nothing?

No.

I mean, I slept with her and didn't call her back, but that can't be it.

I'm sure that's not it. Women love that.

This is our hang. You jeopardized our hang.

Oh, please. She's one cocktail waitress. Okay, I will go to the bar.

What? Don't worry about it. The customer's always right.

Come on, Terri! I wasn't even that good!

Still banned.

First of all, she's overreacting.

Where are we supposed to go now? P.J.'s out of town.

You know, I live there, too.

It's not the same.

You know, I know a great new place, if you're interested.

It's quiet, wood paneling, flat-screen TVs...

This is way better than Crowley's, isn't it?

You got good music, comfortable seats,

a handy mirror in case I want to check in with my buddy.

Hi, buddy.

You know who would love this? Bobby.

You never really appreciate a guy until he's gone.

He'll be back, Kenny.

That's what I keep telling myself.

You just got to believe.

Thank you.

And, Bobby, thank you again for upgrading me.

Totally! You can ask P.J., I have a ton of frequent flier miles,

and I couldn't let you sit back there with Lance.

I mean, how uncomfortable would that be?

Yeah, I can't believe he didn't change his ticket and fly home early.

And pay the change fee? Are you kidding?

Did he just travel around Italy all by himself?

I have no idea what he did. But, Peej, why don't you go ask him?

No. I don't wanna.

Oh, I'll go. Yeah, I'll go.

I mean, I don't even know Lance,

but I haven't talked to a man in, like, two weeks.

All right, but don't be nice to him.

Okay.

So, you were never able to transition things?

Nope. Not so much.

I'm really sorry. It's my fault.

No. No, it's not.

To be honest, I just... I looked for the signs,

I just never really saw them, you know?

And, I mean, I wasn't gonna ambush him, like,

"Hey, I invited you to Italy, now get naked."

Maybe you should have.

Yeah, and have that go badly?

No, then I'd have an uncomfortable plane ride home, like you.

I could not be more comfortable.

Okay.

You know, I haven't given up on it, necessarily.

I just couldn't find the right moment

in the most romantic place on the planet.

Well, I don't know about you, but I know, for me,

I need to take a break from men.

I mean, we should channel our energy into something better,

you know, like...

Something important. Something life-changing.

Like build houses for poor people?

Oh! Let's write books and get famous.

Or that.

Come on, yeah! That's something we always said that we wanted to do.

Yeah, I also said I wanted to take a romantic trip to Italy

with my super-cute boyfriend.

Maybe we shouldn't have goals.

I've got my book idea.

Are you kidding?

Okay.

So, how was he doing back there?

He's kind of a wreck. He's devastated.

He's fine.

I feel like we've been gone forever.

Well, it's good to have you back.

A lot went wrong while you were gone.

What do you mean?

I don't know any other way to tell you this, but Bobby's missing.

Bobby? He didn't tell you?

Hmm.

Bobby went to Italy with us. What?

No way! See? I knew he was fine.

Where is he?

He had to go to Milwaukee to cover a game.

I'm sorry! How hard is it to send an e-mail?

I can do it right from my dashboard.

Yeah, Andy, what are we riding in?

Oh. Uh...

My new car.

It's gorgeous. I can't believe you bought a new car.

And a new watch.

Nice.

What else is new?

You started tying a sweater around your neck.

Oh, this?

This is new.

We got kicked out of Crowley's and we've been banned for two weeks.

What'd you do, Kenny?

Nothing, it was Mike.

It was a big misunderstanding.

Oh, my God! I can't believe it.

I leave the country, and this is what happens?

Plus, what the hell are you listening to?

That was Loving You Feels Like Breathing by Marco Nelli.

This is Dr. Brendo, your licensed cardiologist.

That's a heart doctor, but I'm not really one.

This next song goes out to Terri, from Mike,

"Sorry I'm a complete idiot. Forgive me. I love you."

What?

- Hey! I love it. - Yeah.

How did you know I needed a new wallet?

I just figured it was something you wouldn't buy yourself.

God, no, I wouldn't even know where to find one.

Check it out.

It's crooked.

That's your issue with it?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Bobby's here! He returns.

How's it going, guys?

What's up, buddy?

Oh...

Hi, buddy!

Don't do that again, okay?

I'm sorry, Kenny. I didn't mean to worry you.

I just... I had no idea that you cared.

Is it so wrong?

You tell somebody when you're leaving the country, mister.

Well, in my defense, P.J. knew.

Yeah, I gotta say, I can't believe you chose Bobby. No offense.

Why? He speaks Italian. His family has a villa.

Yeah, but, I mean, how could you choose Bobby over me?

No offense, buddy.

You? Think how that Thorn dude felt. Or that Cubs dude!

I mean, those guys were willing to provide full service,

if you know what I mean.

Was that one of the requirements? Bobby?

No! Ew! Stop it.

You're blushing.

No, I'm not, I'm a little nauseous. I mean, that's absurd.

Bobby and me? Come on.

Please. Ew.

Okay, I'm not a leper.

She hurt your pride a little, buddy?

A little bit.

Have a tie.

I'm just saying...

Well, good. Because this has been a tough two weeks,

and that is one thing that this group does not need.

It changes everything. This is sacred.

Sacred. Like Crowley's?

Wait, what? What happened with Crowley's?

Iron Mike over here got us all banned. He slept with Terri.

No!

Sweet little cute Terri?

You're a monster. You disgust me.

You have to fix this, okay?

Crowley's has been my friend longer than you have.

What do you want me to do? I'm not even allowed in the building.

God, I miss Crowley's.

You know, it's only when something's been taken away from you

that you truly learn to appreciate it.

Hey. It's going to be okay, buddy.

You know what? It's not always about you, Bobby.

Girl, he got you good.

Hey! Hi, hi!

Hi, hi! Hi!

Hi, hi, hi!

I did it. What?

I finished writing my book.

What? When?

I couldn't sleep, so I just kept on writing,

and the next thing I knew, I was done.

What a relief!

Wait! Hang on! What do you mean, you've finished?

Well, without the distraction of men, I am so productive.

When you get over Bobby, you'll see.

No, no, I am so over Bobby.

That window of opportunity has kind of shut again.

This is a theme with you.

Yeah.

Well, when I figure out how to transition a friendship

into a relationship,

I'll write a book.

This is just pathetic.

Terri.

Hey, P.J.! How was your trip?

Good, fine, great. Look, I want to apologize for Mike.

I am so sorry he's such an ass.

Not your fault.

In a way, it is. They don't behave well when I'm gone.

It's like, I go out of town, and he forgets all of his training.

But, trust me, the best thing he could do is leave you alone.

I mean, you don't want to date Mike.

You deserve so much better than him.

I thought you guys were good friends.

Mmm. We are.

That's how you know I'm telling you the truth.

So, can we come back?

Sure, of course.

Even Mike?

Yes, even Mike. Gosh, I should have never gone home with him.

I'm just such a sucker for an accent.

Oh! An accent?

Yeah, I had no idea he was from Texas.

He says he's trying to lose it, but he got me.

He said he was from...

Okey-dokey. See you.

We're back in.

Except for you. What?

You're still banned for a week. Why?

McConaughey? Really?

But...