All language subtitles for My.Boys.S01E04.The.Slump.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Hey, guys.

Hey.

The guys are a bit
cranky these days,

and the reason for it
is so elemental,
it's so primal.

It's almost animalistic.

New shirt?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Teams of all sorts
go through slumps,

periods when things
just aren't,
you know, coming together,

and this team is
in a huge slump

in that for the first time
since I can remember

not a one of them is
going out with anyone,

and I mean,
no one is getting anything.

So, what do you think?
About what?

About the shirt.
I think it's stupid.

No dates,
no one-night stands, nothing!

And wow, they're cranky.

What do you
mean, "stupid"?

How can a shirt
be stupid?

You asked me what
I thought about your shirt,

and I told you,
it's stupid.

You know what, you're stupid.
I think you're stupid.

I think you're stupid.
I think your pants
are really stupid.

My pants are
smarter than you.

Wow. God, it's like being
at the Algonquin Round Table.

Whose bet?

Oh, my God.

And Andy, well, he's married,

and that brings
a whole different
set of reasons to be cranky.

Andy, are you gonna
play or what?

We need you.

I don't think I can.
This is insane.

Yeah, but do you
have to do that now?

It's Savannah's fifth
birthday this weekend.

Meredith wants this assembled
for when she wakes up.

But there's, like,
800 pieces to this thing.

I thought
the farm would be easier
than the Hundred Acre Wood,

but apparently I was wrong.

Look at this.

It's the tiniest
jelly jar I've ever seen.

Why is there
a jelly jar?

Evidently,
Mom makes her
own preserves.

I can't wait
to have kids.

Yeah, you see, now, that
would require you having sex.

Shut up, now.
Just shut up.

You shut up.
Be quiet.

Just shut up.

The hole under your
nose is apparently...

We really need to be
writing this stuff down.

Hey, what are you guys
doing tomorrow night?

Sam Wench's band is
playing at the Hideout.

Oh, he's good,
he's really good.

We started playing him
at the station, actually,

which is what I will
be doing tomorrow night,
taking Shane's shift.

Shane's shift,
Shane's shift, Shane's shift,
Shane's shift. That's fun.

I have dinner with
my cousin from Indiana.

Sorry, I'm out.

I'm going to a Peter, Paul,
and Mommy concert

tomorrow night in Elgin.

I don't wanna talk about it.

All right, Kenny,
you and me.

Um, uh, I don't know.
I don't think... No,

I'm volunteering
at a dog rescue
place tomorrow.

Really?

Yep, whose deal?

Me.
Okay.

Oh, I love dogs,
I might want to go with you.

What's it called?

What?
The dog shelter,
what's it called?

Lassie Come Home,
like the movie.

It's called Lassie Come Home.

It's a collie shelter,
'cause Lassie was a collie.

Lassie was
a golden retriever.

Golden retriever shelter,
because Lassie was
a golden retriever.

Face! Lassie was a collie.

Uh... "Shane's shift."
Say it with me, it's fun.

Shane's shift. Shane's shift.

Shane's shift.

Oh, my God,
you guys are full of crap.

Shane's shift.
I'm calling bullshit.

What, why?

What are you guys
doing tomorrow night
that I'm not invited to?

Nothing, God.

Nice work, Kenny.

Look, Peej,
we're all going out
tomorrow night,

and the whole idea
was that it was just

supposed to be,
you know, guy's night.

What? Why?

We're going out
to pick up girls.

Boom, I said it.

Look, we're all in
horrific slumps right now.

So?
So, we're going out.
Hunting.

Hunting?
Hunting, okay?

We've decided to
adapt a pack mentality,

like wolves or
Velociraptors...

Look, it's just guys
being guys, all right?

The bottom line
is that we need
to go out and be piggish

without you looking
over our shoulders and...

And let's be honest,
judging the prey
that we then snare.

Oh, my God,
that's disgusting,
and shut up.

I would not be judgmental
of your women, okay?

I never said
anything about that
total North Suburban whore

that you went up
to Wisconsin with,

and shut up again,
I know what I just did.

P.J., seriously.

You're not missing out
on anything, all right?

We're going
up to the Slug House.

Ugh! The Slug House,
that is just disgusting.

Well, that's where
the prey is, okay?

So, let's just play cards.
Brendan, your deal.

My God,
you guys are pathetic.

"Dinner with my cousin,"

"I'm working a double shift,"
come on, "A collie shelter."

Peter, Paul,
and Mommy thing was true.

Yeah,
we figured that out.

Yeah...

Even though
he's dating Claire,

Bobby and I are in
a good place these days.

We're just friends,
and that's okay.

No, really.

I love Sam Wench, I do.

Okay.
But I can't do it.

I have dinner with Claire.

It's like our
two-week anniversary
or some crap like that.

She's one of those.

Well, if she brings you
a teddy bear and names it,

then you break up with her.
Okay?

You know,
I did get her a corsage.

Is that weird?

Did she name it?

Thank you.

This is a bar, right?

Because I just
ordered a martini,
and Crowley glared at me.

Did you ask
for bleu cheese
stuffed olives again?

What? It's a simple
question. Come on.

You know what,
you have good timing

because I gotta get going,
so I will see you at poker.

Totally.

Cool.
See you, guys.

Bye.

Wait a minute.

Is crush boy
back in the picture?

No. Nope... No.

That's...
That's done, we're fine.

We're just friends.

Really?
Yeah.

I mean, yeah, okay,
it was exciting,

like that, you know,
initial crush thing.

You know, "Will it go
this way or that way?"

I mean...
Now that
the unknown is known.

Wow, that's a little sad.

Oh, so what.
Who else you got lined up?

What are you talking about?
Who are you working on?

Who's your next crush?

I'm not working on anybody.

Everyone is
working on someone.

Okay, because I am working on
seven crushes as we speak.

It keeps me on
my game between,

you know,
actual human dating.

Dude, I don't have a crush.

I mean, I've always
at least had a crush.

All right, well,
just pick someone famous.

You know, like George Clooney
or Matt Damon.

Oh, my God, freshman year.

Didn't you have
a crush on Matlock?

Oh, for like a minute, okay?

And he was really smart.

Okay, you guys,
look, I'm in a slump, too.

Let me come to
the Slug House with you.

No.

Why not?
I can help hunt.

I wanna hunt.
I wanna be hunted.

No.

I say we let her come.

What the hell, you know,
let her be our wing man.

If we're all in slumps,
let's help each other out.

Who the hell are
you all of a sudden?

Come on, Mike,
she's gonna be fine,
helpful, even.

Yes, thank you.

We'll all be each
other's wing persons.

Do you see?

Why? Come on,
why can't I come?

Because to be
a good wing person,
you, P.J.,

are not going
to be comfortable
doing what you have to do.

What's that?
Making me look good.

That is hard.
Okay, you guys, look,

I'm not gonna judge,
and secondly,

I understand you guys
and I understand women.

Kind of, dude.

No.

I buy all drinks all night?

All right,
you're in.

All right, before we go,
one more round of
confidence shots.

Here we go.

Dude, what was that?

I don't know,
that was his.

Did he see?
Mmm-mmm.

You're cool.

Okay.
I want the Phoenix...

All right.
So when a team is in a slump,
they'll do almost anything

to find their way out of it.

You know,
they'll wear the same
underwear for a week

or turn their
socks inside out,

whatever it takes to get out
of the slump, even this.

Oh, my God.
Are you kidding?
Don't.

What?
I'm just saying.
Seriously.

All right. Okay.
Are we good?

I'm in.
Let's do this.

I think I just
caught Chlamydia.

What? It's a joke,
dude, seriously.

Jeez.
Old Styles.

Yo, a round of Jagers,
and just keep them coming.

If we're gonna do this,
we're gonna do this

disgustingly.
All right, who's stepping up?

So, anyway. I'm at Yosemite
for like a week camping,
and it was amazing.

I'm sorry. I was
gonna go get some drinks,

but did I hear
you talk Yosemite?

Didn't you go
fly fishing there

and catch, like,
eight or nine in a day?

Actually, it was ten,
and I totally forgot
about that, yeah.

Wow, that's awesome.

Yeah. It was great.

Did you grill them up
over the camp fire?

Oh, no, no, no,
Mike hates fish.

Oh, I love fish.
I'd starve without sushi.

Oh, my God, me, too.
Where do you go?

This great place
up on Clark.

- I love that place!
- I know.

Oh, my God.

It's kind of hard
to get into, though.

Oh, you know
where the best is?

You're not going
to believe this.

Skokie.

Oh, when I think sushi,
I don't think Skokie.

I like chicken teriyaki.

Anyways,
it's actually up on Dempster
near Old Orchard.

In a mini mall.
Well, of course.

Skokie, you got
to give me the address,

like, immediately.
Okay.

Oh, wait there's
a napkin over there.

Okay, it's actually
not on Dempster,

but if you go towards
Waukegan up to the right...

You know that cemetery?

Oh, yeah, of course.
I'm gonna hit the john.

Totally. There's that...

They play movies
over there.
I heard.

You gotta go,
it's so nice, really.

Can I get another beer
for... What is it,
it's Kathleen, right?

Dude, did you
see that play?

No, I'm talking
to Kathleen.

Oh, my God,
it was awesome.

The ball shot back
to Maddox who bobbled
it, but he got it straight...

That's great news.
I'm gonna watch that
on Sports Center later.

So, Kathleen...

Oh, dude,
watch the replay, seriously.

- It's unbelievable.
- Okay.

Would you excuse me?

Sure.

She's cute, dude.

Don't.
You know what,
just don't.

Oh, I'm...

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

So we're driving back
from the St. Louis game,

and the cop pulls
us over, and then...

P.J., tell Nancy
what I said.

What? You know, to the cop.

What, I don't,
I don't know
what you said.

What I said when
the cop pulled us over.

I said... You know...

That was you?
I thought that was Bobby.

No, no, that was me.

You didn't even go
to that game with us.

Why don't you go
talk to Brendan?

Dude,
I don't want to bug him,

he seems to be
doing really well.

Huh?

You're killing me.

Hey, P.J.
Yeah.

This is Ed. You went to
the King Tut exhibit, right?

Yeah.
You did? I did, too.

Kismet.

This is actually
the second time
that I saw it,

and it was as,
I don't know,

as magical as it was
when I saw it as a kid.

Remember,
it came by
back in the '70s.

We were studying
ancient Egypt in school.

I grew up in Glenview.

Yawn, right?
I still live there.

Anyway, then Steve
Martin did that song.

If this were an actual
hunt with actual guns,

I would be able to kill Ed
and turn the gun on myself.

Chicken?
And Kenny and Mike.

Oh, I don't eat food.

You are the best cow.

That's why you're going to be
the king of all the cows.

Moo. I don't want to be king.

Hey.
Hey, how'd it go?

Well, we left with four
and we came back with four,

which would be
great if we were

an Outward Bound group.
However...

I'm sorry, okay?
I don't know how
else to say I'm sorry.

It was a complete
waste of time.

I'm sorry.

What are you talking about?
You were batting them away.

None of them
were really my type.

So, now you're
above slutty and young.

Hey, you guys, look,
next time I promise...

Next time?
No, no, next time.

No, there's no next
time for you, missy,
because we, the council,

have voted you
off the island.

You guys, when a team slumps,
they go through
that slump together,

okay, they tough it out.

She's right.

Sometimes they make a trade
or even release a player

because they are
a complete albatross.

They do that.

I'm not an albatross.

Oh, you are an albatross.
No, I'm not.

You're an albatross.
Really an albatross.

You know what, you guys,
you guys are dicks.

Well, you're
an albatross.

Hey. Hey,
that is not a toy!

She threw a sheep
in my shirt.

Sheep shirt, sheep shirt.
Try it, it's fun.

Sheep shirt.
Sheep shirt. Sheep shirt.

It was just all JELL-O shots
and idiots from
the outer suburbs.

I'm talking
like outer suburbs,
like, you know, Canada,

and the guys,
they were just all different.

They were all like...
Oh, they were all guy-ey.

Plain and simple
and you are not guy-ey,
you are girly.

Hey.
Hey, Paolo.

P.J. How's it hanging?

Low and easy.

Okay, you're girlish.

Now look, I know that
you love those guys,
and I do, too, except Kenny,

but you can't be
one of the guys
all the time.

I mean,
did it ever occur to you

that they might actually
be dragging you down?

Have they ever set
you up with anyone?

No.

All right,
here's the solution.

We're gonna go out
for a civilized night
on the town

and we are going
to dress up like women
and have cocktails.

Proper cocktails that
don't come in a can.

Huh.

You know, that could be fun.

Done. How's Monday?

Oh, I can't.
Football's on.
Tuesday?

Cub-Dodger night game.
Wednesday.

Black Hawks.

Peej, come on.
Okay, okay, Thursday.

I can't. The O.C.

Oh, I can't believe
you watch that show.
What... Fine.

Okay, okay, fine,
I'll TiVo.

There you go, beautiful.

Keep them swinging.

Right back at your ass, baby.

Yep.

I don't do that.

B eight.

Hit.

The O.C., huh?

You know, I don't know, man.
I've been to Orange County,

and people in Orange County
do not look like that.

If they did,
they would move to LA
and get on a TV show.

Another pitcher?
Yeah. Absolutely.

Thanks, that's great.

M seven.

M?

Okay, M. There's no M.

Sorry.

F seven.

Miss. And you're an idiot.

Isn't that Brendan's?

It's Wendy.
Wendy's calling.

Wendy?
I thought they broke up.

Exactly my point.

Why would she
be calling him?

Dude, check the phone log.

I'm in.

Dude, you can't do that.

Oh, it's easy.
I have the same phone.

Oh! This is messed up.

There's tons of both
incoming and outgoing calls

to one Wendy Harringer.

Oh, really?

Oh, and he's got
three calls to Sibris.

Very telling.

Sibris.

What is Sibris?

Sibris, it's like this total
pleasure palace motel

out in Northbrook
with hourly rates

and satin sheets and
waterfalls in the room.

It is epic.

Epic.

Hmm.

That is telling.

Now,
I'm not a fancy girl,

and the only way
that I would come
to a place like this

is if my parents were paying
and I knew I could split early

because they go to
sleep at, like, 8:30.

So, how's that going down?

It's good, and fast.

The glasses are
so small here.

It's civilized, and nothing
gets you out of a slump

like a hot bath
and a well-made drink.

Yeah, it's been a while
since I felt feminine.

It was long overdue.

You know what, we should
do this more often.

It's good to
feel soft, you know,

pretty, womanly.

You know, I mean,
every once in a while
I think to myself,

do I even
have a vagina?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Please.

I will say this, though.

The service is crazy slow.

I know, but cocktails,
proper cocktails
take time to make.

Yeah, well, they
don't take time to drink.

I'm gonna go up and
get myself a fast beer.

You cool? Great.
Yeah.

Make sure they
put it in a glass.

You really think I'm
a Clampett, don't you?

Hey, that martini
was great.

Do you have
an Old Style?

Sorry, no Old Style.

Boy, I saw that coming.

What beers do you have?

Hefeweizen and
Old Speckled Hen,

a Sixpoint craft
Ale Brownstone, um...

The closest thing
to an Old Style
that they have here

is a Pilsner Urquell.

And hello.

Thank you.

Um, I'll have
a Pilsner Urquell,

and hello.

Q three.

Not now, he's coming.

Q?

G three.

What is the matter
with you?

Hello, liar.

What?

Well, your phone rang,
and we happened to
notice that it was Wendy.

Yeah, Wendy.

Really?

That's weird.
Weird!

Is it weird?
Is it weird to you?

Weird. Hmm.

That's interesting because,
you see, we did a little...

Invasion of your privacy.

Bingo,
and we noticed
that you guys

have been talking
all the time.

What's the deal?
You're back together
again, aren't you?

Dude, you went through
my phone log, man?

Maybe.

Dude, why have you
been lying to us?

Come on, we lied to P.J.

about what we were
doing the other night.

How is this
any different?

Hey, we're not
the ones on trial here.

You see, this is why
he was getting hit on

so much the other night,
because he has the stink
of success on him.

Yeah, that's true.

Nothing is more
attractive than somebody

who doesn't need
to be attractive.

Since I got Claire,
I've been batting them away.

You're an ass.

You know,
the whole Wendy thing

has just been so
on again, off again.

I just...
I felt stupid, you know.

Really, really stupid.

So I didn't say anything
because I didn't want
to look, you know...

Stupid.
Yeah.

Hey, Brendo, come on,
that's ridiculous.

I mean, every time
you've gotten back
together with her

you looked stupid,

and yet,
we always get past it.

Thanks, Mike.

Look,
if you're seeing somebody,
we're happy for you.

I mean,
you're not in our slump,
and that's a good thing,

so good job,
buddy, well done.

I mean, technically,
I'm not in your
slump either, but...

Shut up.

Thanks, fellas.

It does feel good to not have
to keep it a secret anymore.

We're not going to
tell P.J., though, right?

Yeah, I wouldn't.

No, have you met her?
She would rip your head off.

Well, you're a journalist.

You must have
a million stories.

Why not write a book?

Oh, my gosh.
I don't know.

It's such a huge
commitment.

You know,
books are really long.

Come on.
Nicole Richie wrote a book.

I know you can.

Well, look at this.

We're talking
about actual stuff.

And he's cute and funny,
it's all so grown up
and mature.

Well, it's time.

The London office
just got to work.

It's that conference call.

I'm sorry, I gotta take it.

No, I know, I know,
I know. I mean...

For the record,
you're the only one I know

who doesn't avoid
calls from work.

And, um, London, by the way.

Okay, so tomorrow night,
top of the Hancock,
Signature Room.

Trite, I know,
but, you can't beat the view.

Yeah. No,
I mean if it's a clear night,
we can see all the way to

Gary, Indiana.

Have you been there?

I have not had the pleasure.

Well...

If you play your
cards right, buddy,
I might just take you there.

Ooh!
I know a steel mill
that has a fantastic tour.

I'm in.

All right.
Well, good night.
Yeah.

Such a dork.

As nights go,
that was one of the best.

And now we're back to that
exciting guessing game,

will it go this
way or that way?

I mean,
I've got a pretty good idea

that it's gonna
go that way...

And we didn't talk about
baseball the entire night.

Oh, yeah, this.

Watch this.

Get him.

Hey, when are you going to get
a flat screen in here?

Your disposal's broken.

You're out of Bugles again.

I'm finished.

What are you wearing?

Why do you
look like that?

I went out.

With who?
Queen Elizabeth?

Okay. Forgive me
for classing it up
a little bit.

Did you guys ever
think that maybe

this is the reason
why you're in a slump

in the first place?

What are you talking about?

This! You guys!

You act like you're in
a fricking fraternity,

and you wonder
why you're not
seeing anybody?

I mean, okay,
you guys are
great guys, right?

But this whole going
out hunting as a group

and acting like,
well, pigs, doesn't work.

Okay, tonight I went out.
I acted like an adult

and I am officially
out of my slump.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I think I'm going
to go take a bath.

Is she seriously
taking a bath?

Please, sir,
could you bring me

some more hot
water for my bath?

It's like Oliver
and Elephant Man.

A little bit of a mix.
Did you get it?
That was nice, man.

She is right, you guys
are kind of immature.

Hello, piggy, I'm a horse.

You see,
you knocked over the silo.

Oh, my mistake.