Original subtitles

Having a group of friends is like being part of a team.

Great chemistry makes it work.

Winning teams always have great chemistry, like the White Sox last year.

They just worked.

But it's a delicate balance,

and sometimes adding a new player

can totally throw off the team dynamic.

Hello.

Oh, hi.

I like how you mixed the small frame pictures and the books.

It's really homey. Thank you.

For some reason, I keep my books and my pics separate,

but you've given me an idea.

I'm glad I could help.

Hey, who are you?

I'm Traci. I'm a friend of Brendan's, whatever that means.

Wow. Okay. Where is your friend Brendan?

He's sleeping,

and I don't know if I should wake him because we were up so late.

You know. You don't need to worry about that.

Brendan loves to get up early,

especially when he's up so late.

Brendo, wake up! It's morning!

You left something in the living room.

Where exactly did you meet this Traci person? She sounds fascinating.

She's actually a really big fan of my radio show.

Oh, let me guess.

Long time listener, first time caller.

How did you know? Weird.

No, we met last night.

I hosted the Zebra Lounge opening.

I always wanted to have a fan.

Well, you'll have to do something cool or important.

I can do magic. I just need...

I need a box and, like, a saw, like a two-person saw, and...

No.

And I can't do anything else cool.

Well, I think the best thing about this fan

is that you're finally over Wendy.

Hey, way to bounce back.

I'm back, baby. That's right.

Hey, everyone, this is my college buddy, Amad.

Hey. Amad, this is everyone.

That's Andy, Brendan, Kenny and that is P.J.

Hi. Nice to meet you. P.J. Hi.

Nice to meet you. We're up for darts.

Oh, cool. I'm gonna get at a pitcher.

We'll be at the dartboard, okay? Cool.

Can I get you a drink? Yeah, I'll come with you.

Okay, cool.

So you are the P.J.

with the great poker game.

I like to call it the pretty good poker game, but you know.

God, I would love to get into that game sometime.

Oh, yeah? I haven't been playing very long,

but I'm told I'm pretty good.

Yeah, by people who take all of your money?

How'd you know?

Dude, I think that's you.

Who'd be calling me? Everybody I like is here.

Who's 555-0100?

I think that's Bobby. Why is he calling you?

I don't know. I mean, we're not really phone friends.

Well, maybe Bobby would like to be your phone friend.

What should I do?

Stop being so weird about it.

Either pick up the phone or call him back.

So just a couple more things before I let you play in my poker game.

Okay, shoot. Favorite Cubs trade?

Oh.

Well, if I had to say favorite... Uh-huh?

It would be taking Sammy Sosa away from the White Sox,

and I grew up on the south side of Chicago.

So you took your life into your own hands.

The Cubs, to me, were more important than my own safety.

You can play anytime you want, fella.

Yes!

There we go.

Hey, Amad? Yeah.

This is kind of a weird question,

but are you seeing anyone right now?

No. No, not at the moment.

That's great.

Now, sometimes you find a new player

who's a perfect fit for the team,

and you can't wait to get him into uniform and out onto that field.

Okay, I'm gonna ask you a question.

What's your favorite thing ever?

My new off-white linen pantsuit.

It doesn't wrinkle? No.

Wow. I know.

Okay, well, anyway, after that.

A tall, handsome, single man with a little cash in his pocket.

Now you are talking.

Wait, what are you talking?

If I know P.J., she's talking crazy.

I'm only crazy about you, Paolo.

Come with it.

Okay, last night...

Last night, I met this great guy, right?

He's hot, he's funny, he's got this great job.

I mean, it's everything a little Stephanie could want.

Really? Uh-huh. What?

The last time you set me up was a disaster.

That guy Barry...

No, no, no.

Finding someone to take you home

because you're too drunk to drive

does not count as a set-up.

Well, the point is, he never called.

Hang on. This stupid thing.

The Times is making us use it.

I have to admit that I'm really starting to like it.

It's just Bobby saying he's coming to poker.

Is it weird for you with him dating Claire?

Not really.

Thankfully you and Brendan are the only ones that know

about the whole Bobby thing,

so my humiliation has been kept to a minimum.

Peej, it's not humiliating. He's cute.

I know, but, okay, if the guys found out, the crap I would take...

The crap both of us would take.

It would be endless.

Well, I won't say anything ever to anyone.

Okay. Especially if you hook me up with your fine friend.

Oh, my God. Amad is perfect for you.

Oh, Amad. Like, exotic. Amad, right?

Hello, nice, handsome brother.

What's up, happy?

Hey, what's the name of that movie

where Barbra Streisand plays the matchmaker?

I don't know. My gay boyfriend

usually answers those questions.

I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little bit superior.

I think I just found my best friend the man of her dreams.

Really? Mmm-hmm. You want a beer?

Will it get me out of this conversation?

You can't control who's on your team.

Sometimes you get stuck with a total jackass

and you've gotta just try and get along with them.

At least until they get traded.

Hi, Traci.

Oh, hi. I just don't know what I'm hungry for.

Well, maybe what you want isn't in there.

Maybe it's out there, like, you know, in a restaurant.

Yeah, but then I'd have to put on some shoes

and find out where a restaurant is.

So there's that.

Andy, this is Traci.

Yeah, we met earlier.

We had a healthy debate on the Middle East.

Who is my favorite DJ?

Dr. Brendo's back on the air. Come here!

I would like your professional opinion on something,

so let me bend your ear for a second.

Is that the fan? Yes.

Fan of what?

Brendan, and now, apparently my apartment.

What's up, fellows?

Hey. Hey.

I think the sound wasn't that bad.

Yeah, but I swear he was playing the harp backwards.

Yeah, and you could tell she was pissed.

Who was pissed?

Big Mama Brown. Not pretty.

Dude, you went to see Big Mama Brown?

Yeah, I called Bobby. We went over to Kingston Mines.

Why didn't you call me? You don't like the blues.

You said they make you feel bad.

It's not that they make me feel bad,

it's that they make me feel guilty for the things I have.

What do you have?

I have a...

Shut up.

Dude, it was a great show.

You know what? Actually, it was kind of amazing.

The seats? Couldn't beat the seats.

Couldn't be better.

No big deal, man. I...

I went and checked out the new Potbelly's.

Great sub selection.

Could not have been happier.

Potbelly's? That place is killer.

You've been there?

Yeah, Kenny and I had lunch there yesterday.

I had a gift certificate.

Wow! Two of them, huh?

Things are moving fast.

A little lunch, a little dinner, and watch out,

one of you might end up pregnant.

My money's on Kenny.

I bet you're the best poker player in the world.

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

Words come out of her mouth, and I can't see your lips move at all.

Why don't you go ahead and deal? I'm gonna grab a beer.

I'll get chips.

Boy, that Bobby sure has become everyone's fast friend.

First he hooks up with P.J., and now he's got his eye on Kenny.

Not that kind of eye. Just a buddy eye.

Andy and Mike, can you grab some paper towels?

Wait a minute. You're telling me

that Bobby hooked up with P.J.?

When did that happen? A while ago. I don't know.

Really?

You guys didn't hear me?

I said I need some paper towels.

You can tell, can't you?

Thank you. Oh, no. It's my favorite shirt.

Yours.

She's terrific.

Thank you.

But sometimes, the new guy is so good for the team

you want him to stay forever.

I couldn't believe the guy. Look, he put out cones in front of my building

to save himself a parking space,

and he didn't even live on my block.

Well, I hope you let him have it.

Well, yeah. I paid the snowplow guy 50 bucks

to cover his whole car with slushy snow.

And?

I'm betting he egged your car.

Yeah, and I'm still trying to get that stuff off.

But I got the city to put up new restrictive parking signs.

Oh, check you out. Using the old noggin, huh?

Way to go, Amad.

Why, thank you, Stephanie. Uh-huh.

I love him.

Um...

Will you two excuse me?

Sure.

'Cause I'm... Such a gentleman.

I'm gonna go freshen up.

Okay. Okay.

God, Stephanie is great, isn't she?

Yeah, she's great.

The good news is that Stephanie and I are so tight

that the chemistry between us will always be good.

What is your hurry?

We barely even finished our wine.

Yeah, you know, it was time to leave.

Don't wanna stay too long at the fair.

What fair? What are you talking about?

You guys went to a fair? What fair?

Did they have a Tilt-A-Whirl?

There's one in St. Gabriel's parking lot.

They got a Whack-A-Mole. I can go right now.

Will you guys just shut it?

'Cause she's trying to tell me something about Amad.

Yeah, your date. How'd it go?

It was fine. Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, until P.J. rushed me over here.

Yeah, you know what? We'll just talk about it later.

No.

Yeah, you know, as long as we're here, I'd like to know about it.

Me, too.

Come on. What's the big deal? Just tell me.

Give it up.

No, it's nothing. Nothing's a big deal.

It's just that, you know, something kind of weird happened and...

What? I thought we were getting along great.

Yes, so did I.

That's good. He's a pretty cool guy.

He's a handsome guy. Yeah.

Then when you went to the bathroom,

he just... He kissed me.

I knew he couldn't be trusted.

I've seen better looking guys. A lot better looking.

Really? What kind of kiss?

Yeah, it was that kind of kiss.

This is great.

You set me up with somebody, and that somebody wants to be with you?

Come on. It never occurred to me

that he would be interested in me.

Should we be here?

No. No, you shouldn't. Kenny, go.

Why do I have to go?

Because this is very personal.

Why does he get to stay?

You really want to stick around for the answer?

I'm not the one that made out with your date.

So are you guys sure it's cool

for me to be here, 'cause I could easily...

Yeah. No, honey, it's fine.

You're one of the girls.

I don't know how I feel about that.

I'm being completely honest with you, okay?

I really thought he was perfect for you.

Why, because he's black?

No.

Have you ever dated a black guy?

I don't know.

Would you ever date a black guy?

Are you kidding me?

I can't wait to date a black guy.

That's not the issue, though.

The point is that I just...

I really wanted him to be with you.

Well, you know a good way you can do that?

Don't fix me up with somebody who really wants to be with you.

Wait, Steph.

No, I... No, Steph. Come on. Don't...

Damn.

I don't know if I like being one of the girls.

Chemistry's a tricky thing.

Just when you think you've got it figured out,

it comes back and slaps you in the face.

Hey, what's the word?

What's up, man? You want one? Absolutely.

Bring a round. Yeah.

Dude, did you see the game? Man, it's brutal.

We're just finding new ways to lose.

They're killing me. We should just get rid of the team.

Yeah, that's fine. You know what?

I'll just watch Triple-A.

Yeah. Hey, listen, after this,

you wanna go over to Danny's Rib Joint

and grab a couple slabs?

Well, I'm meeting Bobby for Brazilian food.

Why don't you come with us?

Wow. You're meeting Bobby. Yeah.

Bobby Brady. Sounds good.

Actually, you know what? I'm not a big fan of tacos.

That's actually Mexican.

Whatever, man. It's all south of the border.

A lot of people think that,

but there's actually a lot of subtle differences.

Seriously?

Well, for example, Brazilian peppers are actually a lot hotter.

In fact, the chilies are grown in a soil that's like an aged soil...

I get it. You know how to cook. It's fine.

Why don't you and Bobby Brady go and enjoy some of those spices?

Okay, well, then I won't tell you about it.

Fine. Don't. Then don't join us.

I'm not hearing you. Stay here.

I'm gonna be right here. Just you and your shadow.

Having a beer. That's great.

Might get a pub burger. Why don't you drink till you like yourself?

That's a lot of beer.

See, in baseball, you have no control over who's on your team,

but there are ways to make your feelings known,

especially if you're a veteran.

Sometimes they're subtle and sometimes they're not.

Um, Traci, where is Brendan?

I don't know.

Where did you have him last?

Hey.

Excuse me.

Okay, look, I really... I couldn't be happier

that you bounced back from Wendy,

but this Traci, she's gotta go, man.

This is ridiculous.

What did she do now?

Okay, well, first of all, you let her play poker.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Secondly, she is here constantly, man, even when you're not here.

And last but not least... ly, all of those little quirks

that you think are charming because you're sleeping with her,

for me, not so much at all.

Come on. I used to have girls stay over

all the time when we were roommates.

Yeah, man, you were paying half the rent.

And you're crashing here now, right?

Hey, a one-night stand? Totally cool.

A five-night stand? No. Okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

She'll be gone first thing in the morning.

Dude, you're killing me.

Come on, Peej.

She is my super hot fan, okay?

Let me play with my toy a little more? Please?

Why don't you go stay in her Barbie Dream House?

She lives with her parents.

Okay, well, you be sure and bring her mom a nice plant

or a bottle of Baileys. Moms love Baileys.

It's true.

Right?

Those ribs looked good. Dude, they were good.

I should've eaten with you.

That Brazilian food's repeating on me already.

Man, the ribs will always trump the taco.

We went over this. Tacos are not Brazilian.

They're...

You know what? You're right.

You're right. Ribs are awesome.

Hey, why was I the last one to find out

that P.J. hooked up with Bobby?

What? P.J. hooked up with Bobby?

That's what Andy told me.

All the time I hung out with Bobby, and he never told me?

I can't believe that. Man, that stings.

Hey! Come on, get out of the street, you jack-off.

I know I said chemistry's a tricky thing,

but it can also get you through a rough patch.

Hey. Hey.

I got you a little peace offering.

Vanilla latte, extra foam.

Thank you.

No nutmeg. Are you really sorry?

I'm really sorry.

Are you still mad?

No.

Come on. I wasn't even mad at you.

I was just bummed that Amad kissed you and not me.

No, my God, of course, you were, you know?

It was weird. It was awkward.

It was horrible, you know?

And I really wanted you guys to be together.

Well, why him?

I don't really feel like I have a lot in common with the guys that you date.

I mean, I sort of feel like they're all kind of stuffy and boring.

Hey.

But then I see Amad, and we're talking sports and poker and...

I'm afraid that you're gonna wind up with someone that I don't get

and I'm gonna lose you because we're just gonna grow apart.

No, no, no. You will never shake me, all right?

No matter who I end up with.

And you have to know that by now.

I know.

So you think some of the guys I date are stuffy?

No.

Yes. Okay, come on. Sophomore year.

Who was the guy that walked around with the cane?

Oh. He had a bad foot.

So why did he wear the top hat?

Hey. Hey.

So, for somebody who wanted to keep what happened between us private,

you sure have been blabbing it around.

What are you talking about?

I can't believe you told everybody about us hooking up.

I didn't tell anybody but Stephanie and Brendan,

and they would never tell anybody.

Well, Brendan must have told Mike and Kenny,

because they both know.

He would never. That's impossible.

Hey, Bren. Yeah?

Did you say anything to the guys about me and Bobby?

No. You told me to promise, so I promised.

Yeah?

Promise keeper. Not a promise breaker.

So how do they know?

I swear I don't know.

Look, your friend left behind a little keepsake over there.

Oh, God. Sorry.

And there.

Yeah.

Wow. That's creepily lifelike.

And there's something really big on your bed.

All right.

Hi, we're here. Oh! Hey, you guys.

It is poker night, right?

Right. Right. Are we interrupting something?

Oh, my God. I knew this would happen.

I'm sorry. This is exactly why

I didn't want them to find out.

Find out what?

Okay, don't act like you don't know.

How'd you find out about me and Bobby?

I had to hear it from my friend Mike.

Andy told me.

Okay, and how did Andy find out?

I just assumed you told him because you guys are related.

I would never tell my brother about someone I made out with.

We don't talk about that kind of stuff in my family.

Wait a minute. Did you say make out?

He told me that you guys hooked up.

Yeah, we did. We made out.

Hook up does not mean make out.

It means doing it.

No, it doesn't.

Dude, it can mean a lot of different things.

It depends on the situation.

I mean, a guy hooked me up with tickets to a game once.

There was nothing sexual about it.

Yeah. I hook up with girls for coffee all the time.

And there's absolutely nothing sexual about that.

If I were gonna have sex, I would not say hook up.

I would say have sex.

All right, all right, let's do this then.

Just show us what you did, and then we'll decide what to call it.

Hello.

You read my diary.

Andy, how did you find out about Bobby and me?

That girl told me. What girl?

I don't know her name.

The skinny 12-year-old that was here for a while.

You mean Traci the squatter?

The fan? Brendo!

Hi, check it out. It's Mr. Honey Paws.

I can not believe you told your annoying little fan

about me and Bobby.

How can you just tell a perfect stranger

something so private and personal?

Well, I had just done something

very private and personal to that stranger

and I can't be held responsible for what I say after sex.

Actually, you've got to give it to him, Peej.

After that moment, anything is pure gibberish.

He's right.

I concur. It can last for days.

Even you?

Sadly, in the end, I'm just another man.

All right, look. Now that everything's out in the open,

can we just kinda pretend that we never heard any of it, huh?

Heard what? That P.J. and Bobby had crazy, wild animal sex?

That's old news.

Well, you know, the cool part about it

is that we're not gonna have to deal

with getting grief for it until the end of time.

Was it awkward the first time, guys?

Oh, my God. We didn't have sex, okay?

Wait a minute. You didn't close the deal.

Dude, she's easy.

Hey!

P.J., it's the 21st century, okay?

It's all right for a girl to have pre-marital sex.

Come on. Didn't you just hate the 20th century?

Yes, I did. The dark ages before women were allowed to slut it up

with impunity, right, P.J.?

All right, you guys, look, it was nothing, okay?

Oh, really? So it was nothing now.

Wow! Wow!

All right, you know what, guys?

You're talking about my sister here.

Thank you.

You guys didn't do it on the table, did you?

You can't plan chemistry. It just happens.

It's that trust, that great vibe,

that electricity that makes for a championship team,

or for great friends that you know,

no matter what, will be on your team forever.