Original subtitles

When you first start dating someone, or kind of dating someone,

communication is key,

but just like in baseball where every play depends on clear signals,

one missed sign can cost you the game.

So then Chuckles here decides he's gonna ride the bull.

Oh, no! You know, I had a few.

You were drinking rum again? Yeah.

So what happened? So he gets up there, right?

Uh-huh. And he doesn't know, but we have the guy

put it on the fastest setting.

No. Yeah. Four seconds.

That's how long he lasted. Oh, Chuckles.

It was like 20 seconds. No.

No, we timed it. Then a little girl got on and rode for 10.

She was talented. She had really no business being there, either.

Hey, Bobby.

I bought you this in Houston.

Oh, Biggio, huh?

Yeah. For your collection.

Wow. That's nice. That's nice, huh?

It is. It's really nice.

It's nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Come on, you guys. He's the new guy.

He doesn't know he's not supposed to be nice around here.

He'll learn.

All right, you drunks. Let's go do our jobs, huh?

Yeah, and ask some players some more crap.

Thanks again, man.

Yeah. No problem,

man.

You're texting now. Like the kids.

Yeah. Meredith discovered she can text me anytime,

and I can't use the excuse, "I can't talk."

What is R-O-T-F-L?

It's "Rolling on the floor laughing."

I highly doubt that.

Hey, Kenny. I ran into that girl, Kate,

at the Waco Brothers show the other night.

Yeah. Dude, she is super cool.

Whatever happened with that?

Uh, we had coffee a couple of times. She's cool.

Cool, well, listen, if you're not gonna ask her out,

then I am definitely gonna ask her out.

Wow. You wanna just finish my beer for me, too?

Well, I mean, if you're still interested, I won't,

but I figured since it's been a few months... Yeah.

Yeah, what? Yeah, you know.

Actually, I mean, I might ask her out.

Seriously? I'm thinking about it.

You should wait longer, till maybe she has a husband and a couple kids.

See how that works out.

What are you doing? All right, I get it.

Hey, you guys, is Bobby coming?

I don't know. He said he'd be here.

Yeah, yeah. That's a sink right there. Hey, you guys!

Brendo!

Oh, sorry I'm late.

Kenny, uh, do you still have that guy downtown? That suit guy?

Ducky Gills. Yeah.

Ducky Gills?

Seriously, where do your friends get their names?

Jail.

Fine, fine, yeah. You need a suit?

Yeah, yeah, I do, actually. A nice one. And cheap.

I got this wedding to go to this weekend.

Wait, Nicole and Jason's? You're still going to that?

Yeah, Wendy and I don't want to screw up their, you know, wedding bliss, or whatever,

so we're not telling everybody that we're broken up.

You're going to that together? It's gonna be fine.

Yeah, yeah, you should invite your other old ex-girlfriends.

That would make it better.

Et tu, Andy? Yeah, yeah.

You guys are being ridiculous, all right? It's one night.

So I guess we should just deal Bobby in, huh?

If he's not here by now, he's probably not coming.

Sometimes you get a signal

and you have absolutely no idea what it means.

Leaving you to wonder, "Am I missing a page from the playbook?"

So Bobby didn't show up for poker.

Or call, which is weird.

Well, from the way you tell it,

it sounds like you were kind of driving the weird bus.

No, but I didn't mean to blow him off. I didn't know what to do.

You don't understand what it's like, okay? I'm the only woman.

I can't have a personal life at work. You know, they would rip me to shreds.

I've finally gotten to a place where they've finally forgotten that I'm a woman.

You have such strange goals.

I know, but I would like to keep it that way.

Okay, well, you like him, right?

I really think I do.

So just explain all of that to him. I'm sure he'll understand.

Okay, I'll try to find the right time at work tonight.

Peej, you can just call him.

I can't call him. I don't even know if he's still interested.

You know, that ball thing could've been him just being nice.

You know, it could've been just a gesture.

A way to say, you know, "I'm sorry that I totally humiliated you

"when I freaked out and left your apartment the other night."

Mmm.

I don't think that there's a gesture for that.

Thank you. Hi.

So you think I was too aggressive.

No.

Well, yes, but I'm sure once you explain everything,

it'll unhurt his feelings.

Unhurt? Unhurt, really?

I'm not right.

Ever since I broke up with Adam, I'm not sleeping.

I'm sorry. What? You just toss and turn? No.

I have been on Match.com a lot.

Doing what?

Online dating. It's fantastic.

There is so much out there for sale. Imagine eBay times a hundred.

I have my eye on this pair of doctors that I think will look really cute on me.

Because so much of baseball relies on signs and signals,

sometimes it's best to get together and make sure everybody's on the same page.

Hey. Hey.

We missed you at poker the other night.

Yeah, sorry. I...

I just, you know... I got caught up with some stuff, so...

I just want to say I'm sorry about the other day. I just...

I really appreciate that ball.

Wow, good. I'm glad.

Great, and...

Look, I know with what happened between us, it's...

Well, I just... I don't want things to be awkward. You know what I mean?

I mean, I know we have to work together, and I just think we should keep things,

you know, kind of, just like... You know, professional.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.

Yeah. There they are.

- Hey, guys. What's up? - Kids.

Did either of you guys watch the game?

I was down at Al's Beef grabbing a combo.

In your dreams. That guy's constantly thinking about food.

Yeah. So you guys want to grab a bite to eat

over at the Billy Goat? You can, I don't know, bring your girlfriend.

That's a good one, Charlie. Girlfriend.

Uh, yeah. Sure. Cool.

Yeah, you know, I actually... I can't.

I gotta finish up here, but...

You know what I like about Billy Goat is that...

You know how it's below street level?

Yeah. That means it's underground.

You can have a lot of fun there, but it's kind of a secret.

You know, if you didn't know it was there,

you'd never really find out about it, you know?

Really? Yeah.

But the place is a landmark. Yeah. Gus.

Bottom line, great burgers.

Yes. Their burgers are great. Yeah.

But, you know, if you talk about them,

everybody will know about them,

especially people from work, you know, and that's not good.

Yeah. Everyone already knows about their hamburgers.

Oh, well...

But they don't know about the grilled cheese.

You said it. Let's go. I'm having it.

All right. All right.

I guess I will see you around, then.

Yeah, and you... I mean, you're clear on the burgers, right?

Yes. Yes. I will totally try them.

Thank you.

Sometimes you need to change signals on the fly,

but if you're clever enough, you can get your point across just fine.

In the middle of a ball game, sometimes players ignore their coach's signals

and make major decisions on their own.

And quite often, those players wind up looking ridiculous.

Here's the address for Ducky. Oh.

Where is this? South Side.

When you get there, just park right in front and knock three times.

Just three times.

Oh. What if I knock four times, Kenny?

I don't know, but don't. All right, you know what?

I'm just gonna go to the Suit Barn, which is literally in a barn.

It's gonna be fine. Yeah?

All right, well, if I'm not back by 10:00, call the cops.

I wouldn't do that.

Hey, Kenny. That girl Kate is over by the shuffleboard table.

Yeah? Hey.

Yeah, so go over and ask her out.

In a minute. I'm working on it.

No, you're not, man. You're playing Jenga for the 100 millionth time.

Oh. Jenga! You lose.

Now come on, man. Go do this.

I'm going.

Not all signals are non-verbal.

In baseball, outfielders call out who's gonna field a fly ball

with the words, "I've got it,"

so no one runs into each other and gets hurt.

He's killing me. Give him a break.

No, I won't. The guy has coffee with every girl in Chicago

so that nobody else can go out with them,

but then he doesn't even go out with them.

Right, but if he asks them out for coffee, it's innocent, right?

He can't be rejected because he's not officially asking them out.

That was my move in, like, seventh grade.

Yeah, okay, but here's where you come in.

If you ask them out, right, and they say yes,

then, indirectly, they're rejecting him. Huh?

But he's not going out with them.

No, I mean, you're right. That girl deserves more than a coffee.

Definitely a drink, you know. Maybe even, like, a whole dinner.

Absolutely, a dinner. I mean, a girl like that, I might even pack a picnic.

No, you wouldn't. Picnic? No.

I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Oh, hey, there's Bobby.

Oh, Bobby's here.

What is he doing? I mean, why didn't he come over here?

He didn't see us, and from the looks of it, he's on a date.

Man, she is smoking hot.

I bet she's a dancer.

She looks like a dancer, doesn't she?

What? Why?

The calves. She's got dancer calves.

How do you know she's got dancer calves? She's wearing pants.

I know they're there.

You can't hide calves like that.

Hey. They're going over to the couples' couch. Hmm.

How can he do that?

You see? Hey! Now, that's how you make things happen.

Kudos, Robert, huh?

There are also signals you have to pay attention to on the field.

For example, if you're going for a ball

and you don't see the warning track,

chances are you're going to run right into a brick wall.

Hey, you guys. Hey.

Hey, Robert.

Who's the cutie?

Oh, that's Claire.

Man, she is scrum-dilly-ish.

I know, right? Where do I know her from?

You met her at the block party. She lives in my building.

Oh, how long have you been seeing her?

Um...

You know, we've been, like, off and on. We were off, and now we're, you know...

On?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, at least I don't have to meet her.

You guys want to meet her? Yeah!

Claire! So this is Kenny. Hi.

That's Mike. Hey, nice to meet you.

How are you? And this is P.J.

Hi, pleased to meet you. Hi.

You know, I think I met you once before at your block party.

Oh, right. You came to my yoga class once.

That was hard. My body doesn't do that without booze.

You take yoga?

Actually, I teach at the Center for Inner Peace.

Of course you do.

Claire's actually a dancer.

Well, yeah, but it's hard to pay the bills dancing, so, you know...

Yeah, it's hard.

Not if you're stripping.

All right, well, we'll see you guys in a little bit, then?

Yes. Namaste.

Well, at least the girl Bobby likes isn't perfect in every way.

Oh, wait. Actually, she is.

In baseball, a tug on the ear could mean hit and run.

A swipe of the arm, steal second base,

but you always gotta be careful

because sometimes a scratch on the nose is just a scratch on the nose.

Ah. Maybe Bobby's actually just psychotic. Mmm-hmm?

I mean, how could he just pretend that nothing happened?

I mean, he didn't even act guilty.

It doesn't make any sense.

Which is why I then go to...

He's just not that interested.

But he made out with you. And he brought you a present.

Bringing someone, like, a baseball, you know, is not romantic.

No. Steph.

She was one of those women with, like, really little wrists.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, no. Seriously.

You are a caring, an intelligent and well-educated woman.

Okay, why don't you just say I'm ugly?

Come on, you know you are gorgeous.

Oh, God. See, now you have to say that.

Wow!

Whoa! My God.

You look fantastic. Yeah.

Ducky Gills. After dark.

No, no, no. This is going to be a very bad idea.

Oh, look, don't you start on me now, too, all right? I get enough from her.

You look too good.

And there's an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding?

Wendy's gonna take one look at you in that suit

and either hate you for breaking up with her, or want you back,

and either way, it's gonna be bad.

Bad? Bad.

You guys are being ridiculous.

All right, look, we're gonna go to the wedding,

we're gonna eat our dried-out chicken, we're gonna dance to Celebration,

and when the open bar turns to cash bar, go our separate ways.

Oh, so the tie works?

'Cause I wasn't sure if I should go, you know, bow or not.

Oh, my God, you love that you look that good.

You're hoping to rub it in.

No. No, no, no. No.

Think it'll work?

Bren, is it at all possible that you're okay with this pretending thing

because you get to pretend you're still together?

No, I'm glad we're broken up.

Well, how broken up can you be if you are going out with her tonight?

Okay, all right. You know what? No. I'm not gonna do this.

'Cause it's two against one, and I don't have a chance,

so I'm out of here, all right?

Good night, ladies. I will see you later.

All right, well, I'm gonna go, too.

Yeah? Oh, yeah. Of course.

Poker's starting, and... No. Yeah.

And I'm gonna go to bed early, so...

No, you're not. You're going to Match.com.

I have to see if Kevin from Milwaukee e-mailed me back.

Uh, you're going all the way out to Milwaukee?

Oh, he's cool. His house has a lake view.

Steph, everyone in Milwaukee has a lake view.

Thank you.

Oh, and hey, with the Bobby thing... Yeah.

Just don't let it make you crazy, okay? Yeah.

I mean, you made out one night, so play it cool.

And you know what? I'm not working the next few days,

so I don't have to see him.

All right, honey. All right.

- Bye. - Bye.

Oh. Mmm-hmm.

Whatever.

We brought chips. Chips!

Hey, I ordered some pizza. Pizza!

I got nothing. Nothing!

I picked up some beer.

Sit down.

How's it going? Fine.

Yeah? Yeah, I'm awesome.

Things are great, you know? Couldn't be better.

All right. Good.

So Claire seems nice.

Okay, so, what the hell? Were you already, like, dating her

when you came up here the other night,

or was it after our talk in our clubhouse

that you decided to start seriously seeing someone?

Or was it, like... Whoa. Okay, wait, wait, wait.

What? I am just, you know, curious.

Okay, well. First of all, I had gone out with her a few times

before I even met you. Well, that's fine.

And secondly, I gave you a present,

and you immediately gave me the cold shoulder.

Yeah, but we cleared all of that up. You said you understood.

When? When did we clear all that up?

In the locker room after the game.

We talked about hamburgers.

Yeah, that's because the other guys were there.

They already knew about the hamburgers.

No. It wasn't about the hamburgers.

It was about us, and you said that we were clear on it.

Okay, I thought I was clear on the hamburgers.

I mean, I got a little lost around the grilled cheese part,

but I definitely don't know what we're talking about now.

Well, I was trying to tell you that we should just keep things between...

You know, just between us.

By telling me that the fun thing about the Billy Goat is

that it's underground?

Oh, underground.

See?

Yes. Wow, P.J., that's a tough one.

My point wasn't that I'm not interested,

I just didn't want people at work to know.

Including me, apparently.

Okay, well, I thought that you weren't interested

when you said, "Keep it professional,"

and why didn't you just say what you meant?

Well, it's like we're in battle,

and we're behind the enemy lines, and there are spies everywhere...

Okay, P.J., P.J., no! No more metaphors, okay?

I'm saying I can't read minds, okay?

So when you act like you barely know me in front of the guys,

and then you say that you don't want it to be awkward,

what am I supposed to think?

And, my God, why is it that every time I talk to you,

I feel like the chick?

Look, Kenny, I think you should know

I'm going out with Kate this Friday night.

Okay. Really?

Yeah, man, well, you didn't ask her out the other night at Crowley's,

and you had coffee with her once, like, two months ago.

Well, maybe I work at a slower pace than you do.

You work so slow, she thinks your name is Jerry.

You're making that up. No, I'm not, Jer.

Kenny, the statute of limitations on Kate is up.

What? You got this guy working for you now?

He's my attorney. You can't keep my client

from asking out a girl you have not been, nor are currently pursuing.

But I have pursued her.

Having coffee with a girl does not constitute an actual date, Jer.

Yeah, and having coffee with a girl a second time

is really just a way of saying, "I'm a wuss."

And her way of saying, "We're just going to be friends, wuss."

How would you know? You've been married for, like, 100 years.

Which is why I'm able to sit high on my marital perch

and look down, unsullied, and rule on all I see.

Who are you?

I'm Batman.

So maybe I could've been a little more clear about things, huh?

Maybe. Yeah.

And look, I'm sorry about our whole, you know, mix up,

but Claire and I have gone out a few times now,

and, I mean, she's cool.

So she's cool, huh?

You know, we're sort of dating now.

That's awesome.

You and me are just... You know, we're weird and confusing,

and, I don't know, I've been dancing around

this whole Claire thing for a while now,

and I kind of feel like I need to give it a shot.

Right. It's just... It's ironic 'cause she's a dancer.

You're dancing around. Oh.

Thank you for laughing politely. I'm a huge dork.

Hey, are we gonna play poker tonight, or what?

Kenny, I am trying to help you, okay?

Just consider this a coffee intervention.

What is wrong with taking a girl out for a cup of coffee?

Dude, when you're trying to pick up a girl,

the last thing you want her to be is alert and focused.

I'm not trying to make a dress out of her.

I'm trying to get to know her.

I'm not telling you to pick her up in a van with no inside door handle,

but it doesn't hurt to get her a little liquored up.

Okay, Silence of the Lambs. You got your style, I got mine.

P.J., back me up, huh?

Tell him he's getting nowhere with the whole coffee thing.

Okay, well, I don't think you should store her in a well,

but I do think that a woman wants a guy who's willing to put himself out there.

I mean, you're not gonna meet somebody by just playing it safe.

Kenny, what are you waiting for?

You think some girl is just gonna invite you to her apartment and jump you?

Blinds up, blinds up. Pick a buck.

Here we go. Pick a buck.

You know, I have an idea for a great movie. What's that?

It would be you being eaten by a bear.

Hey. Whoa!

Whoa! What's up, Drinky?

Oh...

How was the wedding?

Oh, not good.

No.

Bad. What happened?

Oh, a nightmare.

She caught the bouquet

and slapped me across the face with it during this fight we had.

What'd you fight about?

She danced the whole night with that pig, Chuck Sandler.

He is a pig. He's a pig. So I hit him.

You did?

No. But I wanted to up here.

And I won. I'm sure.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I should've listened to you. You were right. You know why?

'Cause broken up is broken up, and you can't pretend.

Well, maybe one of these days you'll listen to me.

I doubt it.

Oh, how was poker?

Well, Bobby's seeing Claire now, so that's like, you know, a thing.

You know, it's okay. I brought it on myself.

I can't stop acting like a moron in front of him.

Well, Peej, I mean, did you ever just think

that maybe he's just not ready for you?

That sounds like something my mother would say to make me feel better.

No, I mean, seriously, you know.

Like, last week, he totally freaks out on you,

and then he starts dating this very non-threatening,

shy girl. Mmm-hmm.

You know, I mean, maybe you're just too much for him.

Maybe he's got to grow into you a little bit.

You know, I mean, you're a force.

Okay, so what am I supposed to do? Be less me?

No. God, are you kidding? You're the best.

I'm a dorky boy compared to Claire.

You know, you're much more like a girl than you let people realize.

Oh, yeah, like how?

Well, I don't know a lot of guys

that would cry at those MasterCard commercials.

Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? I mean...

It's so great the way the whole family goes to the game, and...

What? You know it's his first game. You can see it in his face.

Sometimes players can be so in sync,

it's like they don't need signs.

They just know what each other is thinking instinctively.

And when you play with the same guys long enough,

you get so comfortable

that you really know their strengths and weaknesses.

And it makes playing the game so much easier.

Yeah. It stinks. I think it's Mike's. Oh, God.