Original subtitles

[Announcer] There are reports of

sailors leaving their ketchup on the table!

[Man] Leaving the mustard, Bill!

Mustard!

[Announcer] And do not leave the mustard on the table!

(rock music)

(upbeat music)

[Laurence] Cera, backup, now!

(screaming)

(crashes)

(panting)

Yeah!

(laughs)

(funky music)

You must be the new Lieutenant.

Bridges, Geoffrey.

Nice to meet you, sir.

And your name, Sergeant.

James Dean.

(laughs) Like the little sausages.

No, that's Jimmy.

(funky music)

I am so fucking high right now!

Come on, get on the bed!

I don't even know how you walk around

with those big gorilla balls hanging between your legs.

You know I just tape them to my leg, so.

Yeah, and I help.

All right.

(dramatic music)

(buzzing)

(whirring)

(panting)

Got you a bucket.

(shoots) No!

(panting)

So, how was work?

I love you.

Get the fuck out.

(funky music)

You okay over there, Cera?

Yeah.

[Laurence] You sure?

It's this beret.

You could just take it off.

No, no, don't want to get in trouble.

Are you waiting for someone?

Yeah, my dad's supposed to come on base today.

Awesome!

I get to meet your dad!

Yeah. (cheers)

Awesome.

Seriously, Cera, just take it off.

(exclaims)

Cera, Cera.

Attention!

As you were.

Sir.

Sorry about that.

It's okay.

Do I look good?

No.

(upbeat music)

All right, so as a part of the counter terrorism class,

we're gonna be going over what happens

not only here but abroad.

You know, other bases in.

What's up Grayson?

Will domestic terror classes be a part of the curriculum?

(mocking)

Who the fuck gave you your fuck.

I pinned you your five, yeah, that's right.

Yes.

Domestic, here and abroad,

domestic terrorism is gonna be included, all right.

But when that stuff pops off

it's already gonna be too little too late, right.

Those guys are flying way under the radar,

but at least we'll be prepared for any worst case scenario.

(screams)

Are there any good questions?

Laurence, take care of him.

We're trying to get out of here early.

Oh, that reminds me.

It is Child Abuse Awareness Month,

so don't go drowning kids in the bathtub

and then bury them in the backyard

until the end of the month.

(laughing)

Looking at you, Johnson, you dirty ginger.

The amount of freckles you've got,

that's one for each kid's soul that he's eaten.

That's right, that's right.

And he loves those Asian souls, Laurence.

- I almost had him. - [James] I heard about that.

I know!

It was so close!

(laughs) All right, get out of here, let's go.

(clattering)

Did you draw dicks the entire time?

All of you?

Let me see it!

Oh, you little fuckers.

Oh, he took notes.

There's one.

You can always trust in a bald man, that's what I say.

Did you see weirdo looking at me through the window?

(scoffs) He was eye fucking the shit out of you

before you caught him.

Oh my god, shut up.

Oh yeah, he wants it.

All right.

I gotta go.

I don't wanna burn any bridges.

(laughing)

All right.

Go get him, tiger.

Yeah, yeah.

Palm strike.

I missed that one.

Palm strike.

Palm strike mother fucker.

(knocking)

Yes?

Sir!

Yes.

Dean, it's so good to see you.

Okay.

I saw you at the briefing, I just wanna make sure that

everything's okay or if you wanted to

go over anything extra.

Yes, indeed, I have a couple things I'd like to convey.

Yeah.

Just, excuse me.

Here you go.

Thank you, sir.

Printed that off fresh.

Hands up, don't shoot.

Wow.

An active shooter demonstration?

Yes, indeed.

I really loved your little speech this morning.

And the timing just couldn't be better.

I already scheduled this for the end of the month

just to ensure that we are, as you proclaimed,

prepared for the worst.

Okay.

I understand where you're going, sir.

Yes, thank you.

But I've been on Port Stewart for about 12 years

on and off and, to be completely honest,

I think an active shooter demonstration

is a little arbitrary.

But, we could go over leadership development

or time management skills.

You know, some of the things that I went over earlier today,

in the briefing.

Is that a white belt?

Almost blue belt.

Good for you.

So, that's?

Outstanding, Sergeant.

So I will just schedule the active shooter demonstration for

the end of the month, all right.

Of course.

[Bridges] Thank you so much.

You're welcome, sir.

Oh, and before I forget, I noticed a few of your men

out of regs, out of regulation AR-

Six 70 dash one.

That's it.

I even noticed one of them had their beret on backwards.

I'd like to schedule a small briefing tomorrow morning

to go over the new policies moving forward, okay?

Roger that, sir.

(laughs)

Oh, and before I forget, I have,

I have some wonderful news.

After seeing your, let's say bleak office, last week

I decided to put in a special request and have your

dreary furnishings moved next to mine.

I think you'll quite enjoy the extra space

and we get to work more closely together.

No hands!

(dramatic music)

Oh shit Tarzan.

What happened in here?

Isn't this great?

We got matching ficus's!

Don't forget to water it.

Just kidding, I'll water it if you forget.

He must be stopped.

I don't know.

It's pretty sus.

Where's her face?

In today's social climate, she doesn't believe that

women should be ranked among the sizes and shapes

and prettiness's of their face,

so she doesn't show her face.

She's from the future.

She's probably a dude.

(laughs)

Yeah right.

Look at this.

Mmm?

Hey!

What'd I say about watching pornography?

(laughs) I'm just kidding guys.

Hey dad.

Week late.

I'm sorry, son.

Those gangsters went out of state,

we had to give them a chase.

Come over here.

You're a cop too?

18 years this month!

You must be my son's right hand man.

Get out of here with that, I'm a hugger.

Oh it is such an honor to meet you, Mr. Laurence.

Yeah.

You smell like bagel bites.

Oh, hey.

When you put pizza on a bagel, you can have pizza any time!

Genius! - Genius!

Anyway, you can call me Kim.

Oh.

Is that because of your Korean descent?

No, my dad named me Kimberly.

It's one of those boy named Sue sort of deals.

All right, Kimberly.

Just Kim.

How did you even get on base?

Well, your Provost Marshall and I go way back.

Actually, back to basic and I might have helped his son

get out of a deuce or two.

We'll keep that between us though, right.

Anyway, your PM gave me the green light to

head out with you boys today,

so we're gonna have a lot of fun.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Excellent.

(upbeat music)

Oh yeah.

(grunting)

That's right.

(laughs)

That's right.

Very much care about this part of my community.

[Telephone] Hey, this is big old boy Butts,

if I'm not picking up there's a good chance

I've been abducted by the deep state.

I need you to call my mother in Akron, Ohio right away.

Please leave a message, too.

(beeps)

Well hey there handsome.

Haven't heard from you in a while.

I called you last week and I didn't get no phone call back.

You're gonna start making me feel like

you don't love me no more.

Oh, bro.

Some shit has been going down.

I got a lot to tell you.

But hey listen man, I miss your big, stupid face,

so, give me a call back.

We'll grab some beers.

You just call me back, all right, bye.

(sad music)

Let's get the bridges built, boys.

Huh?

Let's get a little engineering going.

I have the designs, all I need is some teamwork.

I just need a little help from everyone else.

Just everyone get on the same page and I think.

Get some life going here.

How we looking, huh?

We're looking confident.

Looking like someone who inspires the confidence.

Oh yeah.

Just one little, one little blemish

and that could bring down the ship.

We don't want to bring down the ship today, do we?

No, no.

We gotta look in control here.

Okay.

So, like, what's the craziest thing you've done on duty?

Cera, come on.

I'll tell you what.

Last week I had quite a doozy.

We chased an attempt murder suspect.

That guy was squirrley.

I got a round in him, though.

Cool!

Cera, that almost happened to us recently.

Yeah, not really.

Luckily for us, that little wound I put in him

left a blood trail so long.

And it wasn't so pretty when we caught him.

Oh, hey look, there's Tommy.

Tommy!

[Tommy] Hello!

It's a small world.

After all.

(laughing)

That's a good one, Cera.

Oh my gosh.

I had water.

I had 14 waters.

We have a half a case in me, we're good now.

Let's make sure it looks like we're glistening.

Little bit of a green tea mint here.

Hundred percent natural, just like you.

You're gonna be natural.

We're gonna get in there,

you and your little Sergeant Deanski.

Big D, hey Dean, good to see you again.

Oh, it's a nice looking office you got here.

I wonder who set this up for you.

(laughs)

You're a good pal to me.

We're gonna put that away.

We're gonna build bridges here.

Yeah, Dean, you and me, we're a team.

Right, you hand out the pamphlets and I'll do the talking.

All right.

And speaking of pamphlets, here you go, okay.

Let's get this.

Oh my god, you're sweating like a storm, man.

It's warm in here!

Got water?

I'm nervous.

You're sweaty.

You good now?

You sure you don't want me to sit back there?

This is your car.

No, no, no.

Please, please sit up there.

- Okay. - I kinda like it back here.

Kinda feel like a bad guy.

Last time I saw somebody that wet was, mom's over there.

Please.

I used to get mom so excited.

No, what do you mean?

She was soaking wet.

Dad, please.

I remember back in the day.

- Back in the day. - Oh baby you want this.

You want this.

Mom does not sound like that. Mom does not.

No, that was me.

I had my accent early.

She'd be like, give me your little egg roll.

Oh you want my egg roll?

Stand by for the sweet and sour sauce.

Oh, it was so classic.

You gotta help me out with this.

They've denied my block leave three times.

It seems legit.

Sorry, am I interrupting?

No, sir. I'm just kinda going over my block-

Outstanding. Can I get one of you to

hand out the literature for today's briefing?

I will, Lieutenant.

Oh, thank you, Patricia.

Good initiative.

All right, rock on.

I'm gonna fucking murder this guy.

I'll help you bury the body.

Good initiative, Patricia.

Oh, thank you, Sergeant.

Rock on.

Male, early 20's.

Did he have any scars?

Any tattoos?

Hey look, I'm a keep it 100 with you.

I was so blazed that I don't even remember shit.

You know what I'm saying?

All your bullshit making me thirsty as a bitch.

What is that?

This is four 20 Loco, y'all want some?

- I can smell it from here. - You want some?

What?

Let me see.

Hold on.

Hey, don't touch my shit!

Hey!

- Okay, okay. - Hey!

Get your hands off me.

- We're here to help you, sir. - Let's not drink here.

- Can we just get - Back to the bike.

More information on this guy?

Yeah.

So your bike has been stolen.

Stolen bike. What does the bike look like?

The bike.

It was a silver.

I think it was a Mongoose, pimp.

Silver?

Yeah.

Write that down.

Why are you looking like you ain't never heard that color?

Jews are partial to silver.

What the fuck, Cera?

Y'all gonna get my shit or what?

No, no.

We're gonna get your shit all right.

Yeah.

We are going to get your shit.

Just gotta to to a synagogue.

Yeah, I got it at Wal Mart.

Wal Mart?

Yeah, I stole that shit.

You did what?

Man, fuck y'all.

Get down!

I ain't do shit.

Get out of the car!

Give me a reason!

Give me a fucking reason!

Okay everyone.

Hello.

My name is Second Lieutenant Bridges.

There's a picture.

The word and the word again.

This one has the full spelling.

Geoffrey, that's my first name.

I'd like to welcome you all to the

first of many briefings that I'd like to have.

And while Sergeant Patricks hands out the pamphlets,

I'd like to just divert your attention

to a little presentation that I've put together, all right.

Okay.

So this is an HP,

so it's gonna be a little different for me today.

No internet.

Okay, do you know, do we have to be on the

same network as my work computer in my office?

Yes sir.

The projector and the computer needs to be on the--

Which network are we on in my thing?

[Patricks] I wrote it down for you, sir.

Right here.

[Bridges] And then.

[Patricks] Now we need to connect the HDMI.

Is it HDMI?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Perfect.

They're asking for the wiffy password.

[Patricks] I gave it to you already, sir.

You changed it.

[Bridges] I changed it again?

[Patricks] Bridges, bridges, rocks.

To the best of your ability, can you recall what happened?

Oh yeah.

I was walking and then I was up in the air like, oh no.

And then I was like, on the ground.

A car hit you?

What was the color, the make, the model,

the person driving it, do you remember any of that?

Absolutely.

30 C.

Victoria's Secret.

Cera, she has a concussion, can we?

Ma'am, we're gonna take you to hospital.

Make sure you're okay, all right?

Here you go.

So nice.

Should I take my bra off now?

Oh, no.

I'm just here to help.

No need for that, ma'am.

You're a nice face, unlike that Jew who ran me over.

No.

Maybe the Jews are connected.

Okay.

I don't know, I mean, that I think.

[Patricks] You have to turn it on, sir.

[Bridges] Did I make it, okay.

This should be right there, is what I'm saying.

The power button might help.

Okay, okay, something's happening.

We're getting there people, we're getting there.

Wait, no it's not, it's not connecting.

It still says no internet.

You know what, it's fine, it's fine.

This is taking too.

We're just gonna do a little light reading today.

How's that sound?

Great.

Can I get?

All right, everyone, just please.

Can you turn that light off? It's super bright.

- It is working a little bit. - It says no internet still.

You're gonna hold this here until we're finished.

I swear to god, it's still on.

You think you did a great job, didn't you?

We're just gonna turn it right there.

Okay, all right, you know what, page two, please everyone.

And you, Corporal, what is it, Johnson,

with the red fucking curly,

what do you call red headed people?

Gingers.

You ginger!

Just start reading please.

Drives, drives.

Oh, okay.

(stuttering)

Usually it's a lot crazier than this.

Yeah, like this one time, we had these kids

drinking at the dumpster and I had to yell at them.

Stop!

Stop! - Yeah.

No, stop the car!

That's the bike!

Hey, get over here!

It's a Huffy!

It's a good bike.

Oh shit rat dog.

Here you go, see.

Yep, put them on just like that.

Here, you don't need that.

Jesus Christ, how do you?

Good cuff job son.

Thanks.

Get up here, dirt bag.

(stuttering)

Nothing even starts with a D.

Okay.

One of, maybe him?

I can't!

I cannot.

I can't sit through this for another 30 minutes, all right.

What?

Big Boy Butts?

(romantic music)

Dean?

What's with the uniform?

Reserve, baby!

(cheering)

Sergeant Dean!

Sir.

May we proceed, please?

Hoo-rah.

Great.

All right, Paco, your shot at it.

You know what, just forget it.

'Cause it's not in fucking Spanish.

I don't want to let you even try.

All right.

Bridges are community, togetherness, connections, hope,

and you know what, they're just fun to cross.

Well, hey, I had a good time.

I want to thank you for taking me out today.

Hopefully I didn't get in your way,

and act more like the vinegar, you guys were the honey.

No.

You're the honey.

It was a honor to serve with you Mr. Kim.

I appreciate it.

Hey, maybe after you get a break next time

we can go out for dinner.

Your mom, she misses you.

Maybe we can catch a ball game or something.

Yeah, sounds cool.

[Cera] Just say the word and I am so there.

(laughs)

I got your number, bro.

Okay.

Call your mom, okay?

I will.

Hey, it was really nice meeting you.

I want you to take care of my boy, okay?

All right.

See you son.

Bye dad.

So freaking cool.

You know we should totally go to a game together.

My lady friend said she has a

coworker who would love to meet you.

We could double date.

That we be so sweet!

If our girl friends were friends.

Cera, cera, please.

Not right now, please.

Thanks.

Sorry man.

All right, you're good.

So,

why do you like my dad so much, anyway?

Well, aside from the fact that he's a freaking badass,

I never had one.

A dad.

Or mom.

My aunt raised me, Fresh Prince style.

I'd be lucky to have the connection that you guys have.

Thanks for that.

You know I ain't never had a dad either.

Or at least not a good one.

Sorry dude.

Vanessa sent me more photos last night.

You want to see?

Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?

No, what he means to say is a bullfrog's ass water tight.

Let's see that pussy, come on now.

Dude, just show us the pictures.

Oh, okay.

Holy butt hole.

The skin's so flawless.

So tight.

She has a seven step miniaturization routine.

Yep, I believe that.

I believe that.

Watch.

That's a good bitch.

Okay, walls, they drive people apart.

How the fuck can you guys stand this ass clown?

We can't.

I was just about to shoot him, but then you walked in, so.

Thank you.

Yeah, well, I'm about to do it myself.

[Bridges] It's road head you, it was ginger, all right.

Dude, I can't believe I'm about to say this,

but I am so happy that you came back.

(funky music)

♪ Somewhere on the scene ♪

♪ It got a little longer so it seems ♪

♪ I burned out so to speak ♪

♪ Now come a little closer ♪

♪ I feel a little lie in the lie track ♪

♪ I felt a bit of bad but I came back ♪

♪ There's still a little light in the light crack ♪

♪ Still a bit of good ♪

♪ So good ♪

♪ And I know just what to say ♪