Original subtitles

Oh, what?

Now you're going to take the boot side

because you decided to

marry a whore.

Get the fuck off you--

Get him

Lip balm sticks to kids.

Lip balm sticks kids.

Do you live at 1756 West Jones street?

No. I live with my girlfriend.

I'm sorry to do this to your ma'am,

but I can't let you through the gate right now.

But why is that officer?

I got you this job.

Don't think I won't get your ass fired

if you make me look bad.

Take the trash out,

and clean the motherfucking house on your day off.

I'm sick and tired or your messy, stinky ass.

A raise?

Listen,

hide this away in the motor pool.

All right.

Maybe we should burn them.

How did you know they were a part of the drug ring?

Instincts.

You'll get there.

So like, now what do we do?

We just give it over to CID?

No, no, no.

This is ours. All right.

We're going to see this whole thing through.

While we on patrol tomorrow,

we're going to make a little pit stop.

Someone once told me that all men's lives

end the same way,

but it's the details of those lives,

that define us.

Some people live long lives full of love and relationships.

Others, are taken from us,

far too soon.

Okay.

Cera, there are a few things you need to know about

dealing with a perv.

First thing, stare at their hands, not their face.

Their face isn't gonna to pull a gun out on you.

Second of all,

they're gonna get off their pants and looking around,

snatch them up.

Fuck.

They're gonna run speed ultimately.

Roger that.

Finally,

if you're going into a scene

and it's chaotic

deal with the guy without a shirt on first,

He's probably causing the problems.

Is that last one a real thing.

Yeah.

That's literally what I just said.

Yeah.

Go through the back.

We'll breach the front and rear.

Well, go.

Oh hey.

Senora Butts,

That's me.

Yes. I got two stuffed crusts, cheesy bread,

Alfredo bread roll and chicalote.

Great. Great.

Here.

Hold your bag.

Hey am playing a little call of duty in there

and I know you're working right now, but

we'll you hit the sticks with me.

No.

Okay. I have a, an Atari as well.

We can, you could watch me play pitfall or you know,

you can play pitfall. Okay?

Gracias.

Hello and welcome back to part three

of your penis and you.

Let's get into position,

stretch your legs.

Cross your body, perpendicular to the floor and your spine.

Push gently.

Don't hurt yourself now.

If you have a spotter,

now's the time to use them.

Inch towards that man meat.

That's my big boy.

Run, go.

All team, on me.

Okay. We're going to go to the left side of the building.

We're going to throw some Claymores.

Oh shit.

I just got a kill streak. Okay.

Guys.

Mikey, Mikey, come with me.

We're going to go over there. We're gonna to outflank him.

Fuck you.

Why don't you flank your Dad's dick?

Loser.

You fucking idiot.

Stop right there.

Put the weapon down or I'll shoot you in your

boobs.

I'll fucking cut him. Get back.

Get back or I'll cut him. Get back.

Get back and shut up.

Thank you.

You could have just used your taser.

I am so fucking high right now.

Come on, get on the bed.

Come here, oh yeah, those are for you.

Those are for you big boy.

You're fucking booked.

Am gonna fucking wreck you.

Woo. We did good.

Alright guys. We are looking pretty good right now.

We just need to push this offensive and we are gonna...

God damn it.

Dylan,

I told you to scout for snipers.

How about I scout your mom's cunt.

... hey mic fat fatty fat fuck.

Am gonna fuck fuck your mom.

Do you hear me?

Do you hear me you little piece of shit.

Dylan.

I am going to come down there.

Break into your home,

face fuck your father

until your mother falls in love with me

and you're getting a new step daddy, brother. Fuck!

If I find you home am gonna fuck your shit up.

God, I couldn't be more proud of you boys.

Cera, oh, showing so much courage

and boys,

backing up your battle buddy Lawrence there.

Oh and Lawrence,

I don't even know how you walk around

with those big gorilla balls hanging in between your legs.

You know, I just um,

tape them into my legs, so...

Yeah, and I help.

All right.

Well, I'm telling you what,

you couldn't make me look any more

better than I do on the front of the army times.

Whoo.

Look at you.

All right, listen guys.

You're killing it.

Keep up the good work. All right.

Go out there and have some fun.

- Thanks Sergeant. - I'll see you around.

Lawrence. Hold up a sec.

Talk to you for a second.

Hey, listen.

I know how you and Cera are,

sister sisters or whatever your handshake is,

but you're non commissioned officer now, right?

You're gonna learn,

it's difficult to be a friend

and an NCO at the same time.

You follow what I'm saying?

- I do. I understand Sergeant. - Right.

Well, why don't you get

you and your big old donkey dick outta here.

Yes Sergeant.

All right.

Donkey what?

Donkey...

Can I help you, sir?

Well, you can start by addressing me properly, Sergeant.

Hmm? Outstanding.

Sergeant a word please.

Absolutely, sir.

Lawrence, go kick rocks. I'll talk to you later.

Thanks.

You must be the new Lieutenant.

Bridges, Geoffrey.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Your name is Jeff Bridges.

Geof but yes. Why?

It's awesome. Jeff bridges. The actor.

He played the dude, the big Lebowski.

I don't, I don't get the reference.

Oh.

And your name? Sergeant?

Dean. James Dean.

Haha, like the little sausages?

No, that's Jimmy.

I'm just James. Jimmy, James.

Right?

Well, Sergeant Dean,

do you think you could assist me

as to the whereabouts of my office?

I think you're right across the hall from me, sir.

Excellent. Alright.

Oh, and before I forget, I have a,

package for you.

Is it a rug or a briefcase?

No, it is nei...

Look for the movie.

I haven't seen that movie.

What is this?

Berets of course.

I noticed your men weren't wearing any,

so I took the Liberty of ordering some, again.

I did send another package,

am not sure what happened to that one, Sergeant.

Also a memo. Did you read it?

Sir, my guys don't wear black Berets.

Oh, is that right?

Well Sergeant, my guys do.

You gonna answer that?

Or they can leave a message.

Well, it was so wonderful to meet in a gym.

I have much work to do,

but I look forward to seeing my guys in proper uniform

tomorrow.

Other way, sir.

Other other way, sir?

I literally can't find...

Dean.

Hello.

Who's never seen the big Lebowski?

Please try your call again later.

Goodbye.

Present forward.