Original subtitles

[Music]

well lindley you have lured me here

what time is the rehearsal to be and

you've had a good dinner too you'll

grant me that

possibly good

they don't seem to be ready do they mr

king i expected to see you transformed

by now you should be half puff at least

sir you're not even half dressed

sheridan said i must speak with you it

is most urgent now

now sir or the play cannot go forward

oh well

[Music]

in the second green room sir you will

very well sir

but you must be brief it is late

[Music]

nasa what is it

dear god man what are you doing why have

you locked me in

you see a fire sir chair two bottles of

good carrot and some anchovy sandwiches

yes sir i see them you also see pen and

ink in the prompt copy

oh the devil's how i do we open the

critic on october the 30th it is now

october the 28th

and we have no ending written lord we

have three linking scenes they are all

my scenes mr sheridan

and i must have and so you shall my dear

fellow when we shall end with a battle i

promise you

tonight dick we must have them tonight

the door

stays locked till they're written if we

take still doors out lindley are you

part of the plot too

the town is coming dick they expect to

see the critic the day after tomorrow

it's time you wrote it yes my dear

fellow i suppose it is

well tell them to play the overture

again and by the time they are perfect

i will be

ah now then

[Music]

brutus to lord north letter the second

of the state of the army

to the first l dash d of the a dash y

genuine extract of a letter from some

kits

cox heath intelligence it is now

confidently asserted that's a charles

hardy pitshaw

nothing but about the fleet and the

nation and i

hate all politics but theatrical

politics

where's the morning chronicle yes that's

your gazette

so yeah we have it

theatrical intelligence extraordinary

we hear there is a new tragedy in

rehearsal at rory lane

theater called the spanish armada

said to be written by mr puff a

gentleman well known in the theatrical

world

if we may allow ourselves to give credit

to the report of the performers

who are truth to say in general but in

different

judges this piece abounds with the most

striking and received beauties

of modern composition so

i'm very glad my friend puff's tragedy

is in such forwardness

i'm idea mrs dangle you'll be very glad

to hear the puffs tragedy lord mr dangle

why

will you plague me about such nonsense

oh now the plays are begun i shall have

no peace

isn't it sufficient to make yourself

ridiculous by your passion for the

theater without continually teasing me

to join you

why can't you ride your hobby horse

without desiring to place me

on a pillion behind you mr dangle hey my

dear i was only going to read it no

no you will never read anything that's

worth listening to

you hate to hear about your country

there are letters

every day with roman signatures

demonstrating the certainty of an

invasion

and proving the country is utterly

undone

but you never will read anything to

entertain one what is a woman to do with

politics mrs dangle and what have you

to do with the theater mr dangle and why

should you

affect the character of a critic i have

no patience with you

haven't you made yourself the jest of

all your acquaintance by your

interference in matters where you have

no business

are you not called a theatrical quit

nunc and a mock my seniors to

second-hand authors

the true my power with the managers is

pretty notorious

but is it no credit to have applications

from all quarters for my interest

from lords to recommend fiddlers from

ladies to get boxes

from authors to get answers and from act

tours to get engagements

yes truly you have contrived to get a

share in all the plague and trouble

of theatrical property without the

profit or even the credit of the abuse

that attends it

i'm sure mr dangle you are no loser by

it however you have

all the advantages of it mightn't you

last christmas i've had the reading of

the new pantomime a fortnight previous

to its performance

and doesn't mr frost book let you take

places for the play before it is

advertised

and set you down for a box for every new

piece through the season

and didn't my friend mr smatter

dedicate his last fast to you at my

particular request mrs dangle

yes but wasn't the fast damned mr dangle

and to be sure it is extremely pleasant

to have once house made the motley

rendezvous of all the lackeys of

literature

a very high change of trading authors

and jobbing

critics yes my drawing room

is an absolute register office for

candidate actors and

poets without character then to be

continually alarmed with misses and

mom's piping hysteric changes on juliets

and dorindas

pollys and ophelias and the very

furniture trembling with a probationary

start and unprovoked ransom would-be

richards and hamlets

and what is worse than all now that the

manager has monopolized the opera house

haven't we the senors and senoras

calling here

sliding their smooth semi braves and

gargling glib divisions in their

outlandish throats

with foreign emissaries and french spies

for what i know

disguised like fiddlers and figure

dancers

mercy mrs dangle and to employ yourself

so idly at such an alarming crisis is

this too

when if you had the least spirit you

would have been at the head of one of

the westminster associations

on trailing a volunteer pike on the

artillery ground

but you oh my conscience i believe if

the french were landed tomorrow

your first inquiry would be whether they

had brought a theatrical troop with them

mrs dangle it does not signify i say

the stage is the mirror of nature and

the actors of the abstract and brief

chronicles of the time

and pray what could a man have sent

study better besides you will not

easily persuade me that there is no

credit or importance

in being at the head of a band of

critics

take upon them to decide for the whole

town

whose opinion of battery your writers

solicit and whose recommendations no

manager dares refuse ridiculous

both managers and authors of the least

merit

laugh at your pretensions the public is

their critic

without whose fair affirmation they know

no play can rest

on the stage and with whose applause

they welcome

such attacks as yours and laugh at the

malice of them

where they can't at the wit very well

madam very well

mr sneer sir to wait on you ah show mr

sneer up

they got now we must appear loving and

affectionate

or smear will hit us into a story with

all my heart you can't be more

ridiculous than you are

you are enough to provoke us

yeah i'm vastly glad to see you my dear

here's mr smith good morning to you sir

mrs dangle and i have been diverting

ourselves with papers

please yeah won't you go to drawy lane

theater the first night of buff's

tragedy yes but i suppose one shot be

able to get in for on the first night of

a new play they always pay for the house

with orders to support it

but dear dangle i brought you two pieces

one of which you must exert yourself to

make the managers accept i can tell you

that what is written

by a person of consequence so now my

plagues are beginning i am glad of it

for now you'll be happy

my imagined angle it is a pleasure to

see how you enjoy your volunteer fatigue

and your

solicited solicitations it's a great

trouble

yet again it's pleasant too uh why

sometimes in the morning i have a dozen

people calling me at breakfast time just

faces i never saw before

not even desire to see you again that

must be very pleasant indeed not a week

but i get a

50 letters not a lying in them about any

business of my own

and amusing correspondence bursts into

tears and

exit what is this a tragedy no

that's a genteel comedy not a

translation only taken

from the french it is written in a style

which they've lately tried to run down

the true sentimental and nothing

ridiculous in it from the beginning to

the end

well if they had kept to that i should

not be such an enemy to the stage

there was some edification to be got

from pieces of that sort mr sneer i am

quite of your opinion mr dangle the

theater in proper hands

might certainly be made the school of

morality but now i am sorry to see it

people seem to go there principally for

their entertainment it would have been

more to the credit of the managers to

have kept it in the other line

undoubtedly madam and hereafter perhaps

we've heard it recorded that in the

midst of a luxurious and dissipated age

they preserved two houses in the capital

where the conversation was always moral

at least if not entertainment

i think the worst alteration is in the

nicety of the audience

no dublon taunt no smart innuendo

admitted

even fanborough and concrete obliged to

undergo a bungling reformation yes and

our pruderie in this respect

is just on a par with the artificial

bashfulness of a courtesan

who increases the blush upon her cheek

in an exact proportion to the diminution

of her mother's day

i can't even give the public a good

weapon

what have we here this seems very odd

oh that's a comedy on a very new plan

replete with wit and muth yet of a most

serious moral you see it is called

the reformed housebreaker where by the

mere force of humor

house breaking is put into so ridiculous

a light that if the priest has its

proper run

i have no doubt about that bolts and

bars will be entirely useless by the end

of the season

this is new indeed yes it's written by a

particular friend of mine

who's discovered that the follies and

foibles of society are subject

unworthy the notice of the comic muse

who should be taught to stoop only at

the

greater vices and blacker crimes of

humanity gibbeting capital offenses in

five eggs

or pillorying petty larsen is into in

short his idea is to dramatize

the penal laws and make the stage of

court of ears to the old bailey

it is truly morale

sir fretful plagiarist

beg him to walk up now mrs dangle

sir fretful plagery is an author to your

own taste

i confess he is a favorite of mine

because

everybody else abuses him very much the

credit of your charity madam if not of

your judgment

but he can't he allows no merit to any

author but himself that's the true font

though he is my friend never no no

he's as envious as an old maid verging

on the desperation of six and thirty

and then the insidious humility with

which he seduces you to give a free

opinion of any of his works

can be exceeded only by the petulant

arrogance with which he's sure to reject

your observations yes very

true yeah though he is my friend and

then his affected contempt of all

newspaper structures

though at the same time he's the sorest

man alive and shrinks

like scorched parchment from the fiery

ordeal of true criticism

yet is he so covetous of popularity that

he'd rather be abused than not mentioned

at all

there's no denying it but though he is

my friend

you've read the tragedy he has just

finished haven't you

yes he sent it to me yesterday well and

you think it ex

he's here finished and admirable

performances

sneer with him did you say my dear

friend

we were just talking of your tragedy

admirable surprise admirable you

never did anything beyond it so fretful

never in your life you make me extremely

happy

for without a compliment from my dear

snare that isn't a man in the world

whose judgment i value as i do yours oh

and mr danglers they are only laughing

at you as a fretful for it was but just

no

this is dangle

you know my friend sleer was rallying

just now

he knows how she admires you and oh lord

i'm sure mr sneer has more taste in

society

damn double-faced yes yes but a better

nature

he has already turned for ridicule his

wit costs him nothing

no god or i should wonder how he came

back because just

always at the expense of his friend

about sir have you sent your play to the

managers yet or may i be of any service

to you

no no i thank you i believe the piece

had sufficient recommendation

oh thank you though i sent it to the

manager of covent garden theater this

morning

i should have thought now it might have

been cast as the actors call it

better by mr sheridan a draw relay

said to play there but i live hockey

writes himself i know he does i say

nothing

i take away from no man's manner i'm

hurt by no man's good fortune

i say nothing but this i will say

through all my knowledge of life i have

observed that is not a passion so

strongly rooted in the human heart as

endless i believe you have reason for

what you say indeed besides i can tell

you it is not always so safe to leave a

play in the hands of those who

write themselves they may steal from

them hey my dear plagiarist still

to be sure they may and again serve up

your best thoughts as gypsies do

their stolen children disfigure them to

make a pass for their own but your

present work is a sacrifice to mel

promenade and sheridan you know that's

no security

a dexterous plagiarism may do anything

why sir

for what i know it might take out some

of the best things in my tragedy and put

them into his own comedy

that might be done i'd dare be sworn and

then if such a fellow

offers you the least help or assistance

sort of hint

he's devilish have to take the merit for

the whole yeah if it succeeds

ah all right but with regard to this

piece i think i can hit that gentleman

for i can safely swear he never read it

i'll tell you how you may hurt him more

house where he wrote it but plague now

i shall take it ill i believe he wants

to take away my character as an author

then i'm sure you ought to be very

obliged to me a tragedy

sincerely then

you do like the piece

wonderfully

come now there must be something you

think might demanded hey

mr dangle has nothing struck you my

faith it is

but an ungracious thing for the most

part too tears just so indeed they are

in general strange little tenacious

but for my part i'm never so well

pleased as when a judicious critic can

point out any defect to me

well what is the purpose of showing a

word to a friend if you don't need to

profit by his opinion

very true why then though i seriously

admire the piece upon the hole

there is one small objection which if

you

give me leave i'll mention sir you

can't oblige me more i think it wants

incident

good god you surprised me

once incident yes i own it i think

the incident's too few good god

believe me mr sneer there is no person

for whose judgment i have a more

implicit definite

but i protest you mr snare i'm only

apprehensive that the incidents are too

crowded

a dead angle how does it strike you well

i can't agree with my friends here i

think the plot quite sufficient and the

four first acts by many degrees the best

i ever read or saw in my life

if i mind venture to suggest anything it

is

that the interest rather falls off in

the fifth rises i believe you mean sir

no i don't about my word yes yes you do

upon my soul

it certainly don't fall off i can tell

you no no

the don't fall off this is dangle didn't

you say that it struck you in the same

light

oh no indeed i did not i did not see a

fault in

any part of the play from the beginning

to the end upon my soul the women are

the best judges after all

or if i had any objection i i'm sure it

was to nothing in the piece

but that i was afraid it was on the

whole a little too

long pray madam do you speak as to

duration of time

or do you mean that the story is

tediously spun out oh lord no i speak

only with reference to the usual length

of acting plays

then i'm very happy very happy indeed

because the play is a short play and

remarkably shortly

i should not venture to differ with the

lady on a point of taste but on these

occasions the watch you know is to get

up

then i suppose it must have been mr

dangle's drawling manner of reading it

to me

oh it missed the dangle reddit that's

quite another affair

but i can assure you mr dangle the first

evening you can spare me three hours and

a half i'll undertake to read you the

whole from beginning to end

with the prologue and the epilogue and

allow time for the music between the

acts

i hope to see it on the stage next

well as a red bull i hope you may be

able to get as rid as easily of the

newspaper criticisms as you do of ours

the newspapers

sir they are the most villainous

licentious abominable

not that i believe no

i make it a rule never to look into a

newspaper you are quite right but it

certainly must hurt a writer of delicate

feelings to see the liberties they take

no quite the contrary that abuse is in

fact the best penegenic

i like it above all things an author's

reputation is only in danger from their

support

that's true and that attack now on you

the other day

what well who you mean in the paper of

thursday it was completely ill nature to

be sure

oh so what's the better

i wouldn't have it otherwise certainly

it is only to be laughed at for a while

again

i wouldn't happen to recollect what the

fellow said oh pray dangles the

breadfall seems a little anxious oh no

no

anxious no not high not in them

but we might as well hear you know can

you recollect

and make out something i will

yes yes i remember perfectly well and

pray that

not that he's signified what might the

gentleman say

why he roundly asserts that you have not

the slightest invention or original

genius whatever

though you are the greatest producer of

all other authors living

very good there's the comedy you have

not one idea of your own

he believes even in your common

placebook where stray jokes and pilfered

witticisms are kept with as much method

as the ledger of the lost and stolen

officer

you are so unlucky as not to have the

skill even to steal with taste

but that you glean from the refuse of

obscure volumes where more judicious

plagiarists have been before you

so that the body of your work is a

composition of drugs and sediment

like a bad tavern's worst wine

[Music]

in your more serious efforts he says

your bombast would be less intolerable

if the thoughts were ever suited to the

expression

but the homelessness of the sentiment

stares through the fantastic encumbrance

of its fine language

like a clown in one of the new uniforms

that your occasional tropes and flowers

suit the general coarseness of your

style

as embroidery award a ground of

sackcloth while your imitations of

shakespeare

resemble the mimicry of falstaff's page

and are about as near the standard of

the original

[Laughter]

in short that even the finest passages

you steal

are of no service to you for the poverty

of your own language

prevents their assimilating so that they

lie on the surface

like lumps of mal on a baron moor

encumbering what it is not in their

power to fertilize

now another person would be vexed oh but

i wouldn't have told you only to divert

oh i know

[Laughter]

severe

for if there's anything to one's praise

it is foolish vanity to be pleased at it

and if it's abuse why one is always sure

to hear of it from one

damn good natured friend or another

sir there's an italian gentleman with a

french interpreter and two young

ladies and four musicians who say

they're sent by lady rondo and mrs

hughes dad so they come by appointment

hey dear mrs dangle do let them know

i'll see them directly

no mr dangle i shan't understand a word

they say but you're here as an

interpreter

well i'll try to endure their

complacence till you come

and mr puff sir some word that the last

rehearsal is to be this morning and that

he'll call on you presents

very true i i shall certainly be at home

now so fretful if you have a mind to

have justice done you in way of answer

he get mr puffs your man sir

why should i wish to have it answered

when i tell you that i'm pleased at it

oh true i had forgot that uh but i hope

you're not fettered at what mr sneers

no mr dandel don't i tell you these

things don't fret me ella

me i only thought and let me tell you mr

dangle

it is damn defuncting in you to suppose

that i'm hurt when i tell you that i'm

not

but why so warm suffering

you're as absurdist angle how often do i

have to repeat it to you that nothing

connects me

but you're supposing it possible for me

to mind the damned nonsense you've been

repeating

today and let me tell you

if you continue to believe this you must

mean to insult me

and then your disrespect will affect me

no

more than the newspaper criticisms

and i shall treat it with exactly

the same calming difference and

philosophy

and so your seventh

philosophy and anonymous abuse of all

modern critics and authors

but dangle they must get your friend

pups to take me to the rehearsal of his

tragedy

can't i i'll suffer he'll he'll thank

you for desiring me

but come and help me judge of this

musical family and they are recommended

by people of consequence

i'm at your disposal the whole morning

but i had thought you had been a decided

critic in music as well as in literature

so i am

but i have a bad ear faith sneer though

i'm afraid we weren't a little too

severe not successful

though he is my friend why it is certain

that unnecessarily to mortify the vanity

of any writers a cruelty which mere

dullness never can deserve

but where a base and personal malignity

usurps the place

of literary emulation the aggressor

deserves neither quarter nor pity

that's very true again that though he is

my friend

i say again gentlemen i don't understand

a word you say

oh

mr dangle here are two very civil

gentlemen

trying to make themselves understood and

i don't know which one is the

interpreter oh

we get i think the interpreter is the

hardest to be understood too my matter

well i'll explain that the less time we

lose in hearing than the better for that

i suppose is what they are brought here

foreign

one two three four one two three

four

[Music]

foreign

keep it harder

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

is

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

foreign

[Applause]

[Music]

nasty

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

me

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

foreign

such as these voices in england not

easily but puff is coming

senora and little senoras

the um big artisable spazzer

signora dongle

mrs dangle shall i beg you to offer them

some refreshment and take that address

in the next room

would you come this way please

come along

my dear dangle how is it with you

mr steer give me leave to introduce mr

papua

mr sir he's a gentleman whom i've long

panting for the honor of knowing

a gentleman whose critical talents and

transcendent judgment yes

friend puff can everybody's to you in

the style of his profession

his profession yes sir i make no secret

of the trait i follow among friends and

brother

authors dangle knows i'd love to be

frank on the subject

and to advertise myself viva voce i

am sir a practitioner in panageric or to

speak more plainly

a professor of the art of puffing at

your service

or anybody else

i believe in stuff i've often admired

your talents in the daily

why yes i flatter myself i do as much

business in that way as any six of the

fraternity in town

devilish hard work all summer friend

daegu never worked harder

but haki the winter managers were a

little sore i believe

no i think they took it all in good pie

then that must have been advectation in

them

for regard there were some of the

attacks there was no laughing at

the humorous ones i mean i should think

mr baff that authors

would in general will be able to do this

sort of work for themselves why yes but

in a clumsy way besides we look on that

as an encroachment and so take the

opposite side

i dare say now you conceive half the

very civil paragraphs and advertisements

you see

to be written by the parties concerned

or their friends

no such thing 9 out of 10 manufactured

by me

in the way of business indeed but pray

mr puff what first

put you on exercising your talents in

this way against a necessity

[Laughter]

that from the first time i tried my hand

at an advertisement

my success was such that for some time

after i led the most extraordinary life

indeed uh

sir i supported myself two years

entirely by my misfortunes your

misfortune

yes sir assisted by long sickness and

other occasional disorders

and a very comfortable living i heard of

it from sickness and misfortunes you

practice as a doctor and an attorney at

once

oh my god both maladies and miseries

were my own

hey what the plague is true lucky

by advertisements to the charitable and

humane

and to those whom providence have

blessed with affluence

oh i understand you that in truth i

deserve what i got for i suppose never

man went through such a series of

calamities in the same space of time

sir i was five times made of bankrupt

and reduced from a state of affluence by

a train of unavoidable

misfortunes then sir they were very

industrious tradesmen i was twice burnt

out

and lost my little all both times i

lived upon those fires a month

soon after was confined by a most

excruciating disorder

and lost the use of my limbs well that

told very well but i had the case

strongly attested

and went about to collect the

subscriptions myself

i believe that was when you first called

on me in november last year oh no i was

then a close prisoner in the marshall

scene

for a dead benevolently contracted to

serve a friend

i was afterwards twice tapped for a

dropsy which declined into a very

profitable consumption

i was oh no no no then i became a widow

with six helpless children

having had eleven husbands present and

being left every time

eight months gone with child and no

money to get me into hospital and you

bore all with patience

[Laughter]

yes though i made some occasional

attempts at

fellow to say but as i did not find

those rash actions answered i left off

killing myself pretty soon

well sir at last what were the

bankruptcies gouts fires

dropsies and other valuable calamities

having got together a

pretty handsome son i determined to quit

a business which had always rather got

against my

conscience and in a more liberal way

still

to indulge my talents for fiction and

embellishment

through my favorite channels of diurnal

communication

and so sir you have my history most

obligingly communicative

indeed but jolly mr path there is no

great mystery

in your present perversion mystery sir

i will take it upon me to say that the

magic was never scientifically treated

nor reduced to rule before reduced to

rule oh

you are very ignorant i am afraid

yes sir puffing is a very assault

the principal are the puff direct the

puff preliminary the puff collateral the

puff collusive and the puff

oblique i'll puff my implications the

puff direct i can conceal

oh yes that's simple enough for instance

a new coppery or farce is to be produced

one of the theaters

and by the way they didn't bring out

half what they all do the author suppose

mr smatter or mr

dapper or any particular friend of mine

very well

the day before it is to be performed i

write an account of the manner in which

it was received when i have the plot

from the author

and only add characters strongly drawn

mine of invention hand of a master then

for the performance

mr dodd was astonishingly great in the

role of sahara

that universal and judicious activist

obama perhaps never appeared to more

advantage than in the colonel

but it is not in the power of language

to do justice to mr king

indeed he more than merited those

repeated bursts of applause which he

drew from a most

brilliant ending

as for the scenery the miraculous powers

of mr luther borg's pencil

are universally acknowledged in short we

are at a loss which to admire most

the unrivaled genius of the author the

wonderful abilities of the painter or

the incredible exertions

of all the performers that's pretty well

indeed sir oh cool

quite cool to what i sometimes do

and do you think there are any who are

influenced by this oh

lord yes sir the number of those who go

through the fatigue of

judging for themselves is very small in

me

above preliminary now that's not as well

in the form of a

caution in a matter of gallantry now so

the flimsy gossiper wishes to be well

with

lady fanny fate he applies to me i open

trenches for him with a paragraph

in the morning post it is recommended to

the beautiful and accomplished lady air

4 stars f-e

to be on her guard against that most

dangerous character

sir f g who however pleasing and

insinuating his manners may be

is certainly not remarkable for the

constancy of his attachments

in italics here now you cease of flimsy

gossamer is introduced to the particular

notice of lady fairy who perhaps never

thought of him before

she finds herself publicly cautioned to

avoid him which naturally makes the

desires of seeing him

which if so flimsy is unable to improve

upon he at least gains the credit of

having their

names mentioned together by a particular

set and in a particular way which

nine times out of ten is the full

accomplishment of modern gallantry

against there you will be quite an

addict with the business

passa the puff collateral is much used

as an appendage to advertisements and

may take the form

of an anecdote yesterday as the

celebrated george

boremo was sauntering down some james

street

he met the lively lady mary myrtle

coming out of the park

good god lady mary i'm surprised to see

you in a white jacket for i never

expected to have seen you

but in a full twin uniform and light

horseman's cap

heavens george where could you learn

that why reply the wit

i just saw a point of view in a new

publication called the camp magazine

which by the way is a devilishly clever

thing

and it's sold at number three on the

right hand of the way two doors from the

printing office

the corner of ivy lane pata lost a row

price anyone should that's very

ingenious indeed

but the puff collusive is the new

estimate

for it acts in the disguise of

determined hostility

an indignant correspondent observes that

the new poem called

beelzebub's cotillion or prozapine's

fat champagne is one of the most

unjustifiable performances he ever read

ah the shameful ability by which this

piece is

brought by all people of fashion is a

reproach on the taste of the

times and a disgrace to the delicacy of

the age

here now you see the two strongest

inducements are hell forth first that

nobody ought to read it

and secondly that everybody knows

of the strength of which the publisher

boldly prints the 10th edition

before he'd sow 10.

oh my god i know it is so that's to the

pub oblique

puff by implication it is too various

and extensive to be illustrated by an

instant

it has a wonderful memory for

parliamentary debates and will often

give you the whole speech of a

favored member with the most flattering

accuracy

and above all it is a great dealer in

reports and suppositions

it can hint a ribbond for implied

services in the air of a common report

and with the carelessness of a casual

paragraph

suggest officers into commands to which

they have no pretension but their own

wishes

this that is the last principle class in

the art of puffing

banart which i hope you will now agree

with me is of the highest dignity

i am completely a convert both the

importance and the ingenuity

of your profession

there is but one thing that can possibly

increase my respect for you and that is

your permission to be to be present this

morning

at the rehearsal of your music for

heaven's sake

my tragedy again dangle i take this very

ill

you know how apprehensive i am of being

though to be the author only faith i

would not have told but it's in the

papers and your name at length

in the morning chronicle ah those damned

editors never can keep a secret

[Laughter]

well mr steer no doubt you will do me

great honor i shall be infinitely happy

highly flattered i mean i believe it

must be the other time

so shall we go together no it will not

yet be this hour for they are always

late at that time

besides i must meet you there for i have

some little matters here to send to the

papers

yes and a few paragraphs to scribble

before i go

here is a conscientious baker on the

subject of the army

and a detestor of visible brickwork

in favor of the new invented stucco both

in the style of juniors and promised for

tomorrow

so i must do that in the evening papers

or reserve it for the morning herald

for i know too that i have undertaken

tomorrow besides

to establish the unanimity of the fleet

in the public advertiser

and to shoot charles fox in the morning

post

so again i had a moment to lose

well then we will meet in the green room

[Music]

they ought to be the abstract and brief

chronicles of the time

therefore when history and particularly

the history of our own country

furnishes anything like a case in point

to the time in which an author writes

if he knows his own interest he will

take advantage of it so sir

i call my tragedy the spanish armada

and have laid the scene before tilbury

fought the most happy thoughts certainly

again it was i told you sir but pray now

i

don't understand how you can try to

introduce any love into it

nothing so easy for it is a received

point among poets

that where history gives you a good

heroic outline for a play

you may fill up with a little love at

your own discretion

in doing which nine times out of ten you

only make up a deficiency

in the private history of the times now

i'd rather think i have done this with

some success no scandal about queen

elizabeth i

heard oh no i only suppose the governor

of tilbury fort's daughter

to be in love with the son of the

spanish admiral

oh is that all excellent of faith

i see it and once but won't this appear

rather improbable oh to be sure it will

but what the plague

a place not to show occurrences that

happen every day

but things just so strange that though

they never did happen

they might happen certainly nothing is

unnatural that is not

physically impossible very true and for

that matter don ferolo whisker randos

for that is the lover's name might have

been over here in the train of the

spanish ambassador

or tilburina for that is the lady's name

might have been in love with him from

having seen his picture or heard of his

character

or from knowing that he was the last man

in the world she ought to be in love

with or for any other good female reason

but the fact is sir a gag though she is

but a night's daughter she is in love

like any princess poor young lady i feel

for her already

for i can conceive how great the

conflict must be between her passion

and her duty her love for a country and

a love for

don for all of you so amazing yes

her poor susceptible heart is swayed to

and fro by contending passions

the same is sex and everything is ready

to begin if you please

god then we lose no time though i

believe so you will find it very short

for all the performers are profited by

the kind permission that you granted

them hey

what well you know so you gave them

leave to cut out or omit whatever they

found a

heavy or uh unnecessary to the plot and

i must know they've taken most liberal

advantage of your intelligence

well well they are in general very good

judges

and i know i am luxurious yeah now

they're mr hopkins as soon as you please

gentlemen would you play a few bars or

something that's right for as we have

the season dresses

[Music]

so clear gentlemen

[Music]

[Applause]

now you know there will be a cry of down

down huh

silence then after curtain how did you

see what our painters have done for us

how would you think i opened my faith i

can't guess a clock

hawk

i open with a clock striking to get an

awful attention

in the audience it also marks the time

which is four o'clock in the morning

and saves the description of the rising

sun and a great deal about gilding the

eastern hemisphere but papri

are other sentinels to be asleep fast as

watchmen isn't that

odd though it's such an alarming crisis

to be sure it is

but smaller things must give way to a

striking scene of the opening that's a

rule

and the case is the two great men are

coming to this very spot to begin the

piece

now it is not to be supposed they would

open their lips if these fellas were

watching them

so we can't i must either have them sent

off their watch

or set them asleep that accounts

but tell us who are these coming these

are they so what are raleigh and sir

christopher hatter

now you will know sir christopher by his

turning out of his toes

famous you know for his dancing yes i'd

like to preserve all the little treats

i'll attend

true gallant rally what

they have been talking before oh yes all

the way as they came along

i beg pardon gentlemen but these are

particular friends of mine

mr dangle and mr smith whose um remarks

may be of great interest to us

yes happens don't mind interrupting them

if anything strikes you

true guarantee but oh thou

champion of thy country's fame there is

a question which i yet must ask

a question which i never asked before

what mean these

mighty armaments this general muster

this throng

of chiefs hey mr pap how came sir

christopher hatton never to ask that

question

before what before the play began how

the play

goody that's true of faith but you will

hear what he thinks of the matter

alas my noble friend when i behold young

tented planes in martial cemetery

arrayed when i

count away on glittering lines of

crested warriors with a proud steve's

name

and fellow breathing trumpet shrill

appeal responsive

vibrate in my listening ear when

virgin majesty herself five you like to

ho protecting paris veiled in steel

with graceful confidence exhaust two

arms

when briefly all i hear or see best temp

of martial vigilance and stern defense

i cannot but some eyes forgive me friend

if the conjectures rash

i cannot but some eyes the state

some danger apprehends a very cautious

conjecture that yes that's his character

never to give an opinion but on secure

grounds

now then oh most accomplished

christopher he's calling by his

christian name

to show that they are on the most

familiar terms

oh most accomplished christopher i find

thy staunch sagacity

still tracks the future in the fresh

print

of the or taken path figurative

my fears are just ha but where

whence when and what the danger is me

thinks i feigned woodland

you know my friend scares two revolving

suns

and three revolving moons have closed

their course

since 40 phillip in despite a peace with

hostile hand

has struck an england's i know it

well philip you know he's proud iberia's

king

he is his subject in base bigotry and

catholic oppression held

while we you know the protestant

persuasion hull

we do you know beside his boasted

armament

the famed armada by the pope baptized

with purpose to invade

these realms is sailed ah last advice is

so report whilst the iberian admiral's

chief hope

his darling son firollo whiskerendos

height versailles

by chance a prisoner has been tamed and

in this thought of tilbury

is now confined tears through

and oft from young 12 turret's top i've

marked the youthful spaniard's party

mean

and conquered though in chains you also

know

knows all this why does the water go on

telling him but the audience are not

supposed to know anything of the matter

of it yes but i think you manage ill for

there certainly

seems no reason why sir walter should be

so communicative

oh cat love that is one of the most

ungrateful observations i ever heard

oh for the less inducement he has to

tell all this

the more i think you ought to be obliged

to him for i am sure you know nothing of

the matter without it

that's very true upon my word but you

will find

he was not going on

enough enough display and i

no more i'm in amazement lost and now

you see sir christopher did not in fact

ask any one question

for his own information yes indeed his

has been a most

disinterested curiosity really i find we

are very much applies to them both to be

sure you

are but now then for the

commander-in-chief the earl of leicester

who you know was no favorite but of the

queen

we left off in amazement lost

i'm in amazement lost

but see when noble master comes

supreme in honors and commands and yet

my thinks

at such a time so perilous so feared

that staff might well become an abler

grass and so

by heaven think i but soft

he's here i they envy him but who are

these with him who very valued knights

that one is the governor of the fort the

other the master of the horse

and now gentlemen i think you will hear

some better language

but i was obliged to be plain and

intelligible in the first scene

because there was so much matter of fact

in it but now in faith

you have trope figure and metaphor as

plentiful as noun substantive

how this my friends it's thus your new

fled zeal anthony valor

molts in roosted sloths why

dimly glimmers that heroic flame whose

reddening blaze by patriots when it said

should be the beacon of a kindling realm

can the quick current of a patriot heart

thus

stagnate into cold and weedy convert or

freeze and tideless inactivity

no rather let the fountain of your valor

spring through each stream of enterprise

each

petty channel of contusive daring till

the full torrent

of your forming wrath or whelm

the flats of sunk

hostility

no more a freshening breath of my rebuke

has filled the swelling canvas of our

souls

and thus though fate should cut the

cable of our topmost hopes

in friendship's closing line we'll

grapple with despair

and if we fall we fall in glory's wake

thus spoke old england's genius

then are we all resolved we are

all reserved to conquer or be free

where they do agree on the stage their

unanimities

then let's embrace

and now

what the plague is going to praise in

emergencies there is nothing like a

prayer oh mighty mom

why should he pray tomorrow if in my

homies brady point of discipline i've

still observed

nor but by due promotion and the right

of service to the rank of major general

have arisen assist thy votery

now then do not rise hear me

and me and me and me

and me now play all together

very orthodox quinteto vastly

well gentlemen is that well managed or

not

have you such a prayer as that on the

stage not exactly

but sir you haven't settled nowhere to

get off here

ah you could not go off kneeling could

you

those are quite impossible oh it would

have a good effect if either you could

yes excellent praying and would vary the

established mode of

springing off with a glance at the pit

never mind since you get them off i'll

answer it the audience won't care

but it will then repeat the last line

standing and um

go off the old way

[Applause]

whatever means we use together

all this shall two lord burley's ear

tis meat it should

hey what i thought these fellows have

been asleep

only pretense there's the art of it they

were spies of lord burleigh

isn't it though they were never taken

notice of not even by the

commander-in-chief oh

yeah if people who wanted this nor over

here were not

always connived at in a tragedy there

would be no carrying on any plot in the

world

that's very true about my words but take

care my dear dangle

the morning gun is about to fire oh

oh that will have a side effect i think

so

helps to realize

this is always the way in the theater

give these fellows a good thing they

never know when to have

done with it you have no more

cannon to fire no zone

now then for soft music afraid what's

that for

the show's toberina is coming nothing

introduces you a heroine like soft music

here with her confident i suppose to be

sure

here they are inconsolable to them

[Music]

uh

now has the whispering breath of

gentleman

that nature's voice and nature's beauty

rise

while orient phoebus with unborrowed

hues

clothes the waked loveliness which all

night slept

in heavenly drapery darkness is fled

now flowers unfold their beauties to the

sun

and blushing kiss the beam he sends to

wake them

the striped carnation and the guarded

rose

the vulgar wallflower and smart gilly

flower

the polyanthus mean the dapper daisy

sweet william and sweet marjoram and

all the tribe of single and of

double pinks now to

the feathered warblers tune their notes

around

and charm the listening grove

goldfinch green finch

but oh to me no joy can they afford

nor rose nor wallflower nor smart

ghillie flower

nor polyanthus mean nor dapper daisy nor

william sweet nor

marjoram nor lark lynette nor all the

finches of the grove

you white handkerchief madam i thought

so i wasn't to use that till heart

rending woe oh no madam at the finches

of the grove if you please

no lark lynette nor all the finches of

the grove

vastly well-made vastly well indeed for

oh too sure heart-rending woe

is now the lot of wretched till marina

oh

it is too much it is indeed

oh be comforted sweet lady for who knows

but heaven has yet some milk white day

in store

alas my gentle nora thy tender youth as

yet hath never mourned love's fatal dart

else which thou know that when the soul

is sunk in comfortless despair

it cannot taste of merriment that's

certain

but see where your stone father comes

it is not meat that he should find jesus

what the

pig what a cut his ear why

what has become of the description of

her first meeting with don whisker evils

his gallant behavior in the sea fight

and the simile of the canary birds

indeed sir you will find they will not

be missed

oh very well why the human if you please

it is not meat that he should find you

thus

thou counts this right but tis no easy

task for

bare-faced grief to wear a mask of joy

how's this in tears oh tilburina

shame is this a time for mortal

intendedness

and cupid's baby woes has thou not heard

that haughty spain's poke consecrated

fleet advances to our shores

while england's fate like a clipped

guinea trembles in the scale

then is the crisis of my fate at hand

i see the fleet's approach i see how

pretty gentlemen might

this is one of the most useful figures

we tragedy writers have

by which a hero or heroine in

consideration of their often being

obliged to overlook a number of things

that are on the stage

he's allowed to hear and see a number of

things that are not

there's a kind of political second psych

yes

now then madam i see their decks are

cleared

i see the signal made the line is formed

the cable's length asunder

i see the frigates stationed in the rear

and now i hear the thunder of the guns

i hear the victor shroud i also hear the

vanquished groan

and now to smoke and now i see the loose

sail

shiver in the wind i see i see

what soon you'll see oh dr peace this

love has turned thy brain

the spanish fleet thou canst not see

because it is not yet inside

yet again the governor seems to make no

allowance for this political figure you

talk of no

plain matter of fact man that's his

character but will you then refuse his

offer i must i will i can i ought i do

think what a noble price the more you

urge invaders his liberty is all he asks

all who are asked what i can't tell

why he has been such a cutting and

slashing don't know when i've got to

myself

indeed sir you will find it will connect

very well and

your rewards secure oh if they had not

been so

devilishly free with their cutting here

you would have found

that don whiskerandos has been tempering

for his liberty

and has persuaded tilburina to make this

proposal to her father

and now pray gentlemen observe the

conciseness with which the argument is

conducted

it dad the pro and con goes as smart as

hits in a fencing match

i don't cheat in spain out glory your

daughter's prayer

your father's oath my lover my country

till marina

england a title honor a pension

conscience

a thousand pounds thou has touched me

nearly

you see haha she threw in a thousand

bugs

and the palpable had to get can star

reject the suppliant and the daughter

too

no more i would not have they plead in

vain

the father softens but the governor is

fixed

aye that antithesis of persons a very

established figure

[Applause]

hence then fond hopes fund passion hence

beauty behold i am all

over thine where is my love

my beauteous enemies

you must start a great deal more than

that

consider you had just determined

in favor of duty when in a moment the

sound of his voice

revives your passion overthrows your

resolution destroys your obedience

if you don't express all that in your

start

feud nothing at all well we'll try again

speaking from within has always a fire

effect

where is my love

my beauteous enemy my

conquering tilbury

how is thus we meet why are thy looks

averse

what means that falling tear that frown

of boding woe

ah now i am indeed a prisoner

yes now i feel the galling

weight of these disgraceful

chains which cruel till marina

thy doting captive gloried in before but

thou art false

and whiskers is undone

oh no how little does thou know thy till

marina

other than true begone cares doubts and

fears

i make you all a present to the winds

and if the winds

reject you try the way the wind you know

is the established receiver of all

stolen size and

cast off griefs yet must we part

stern duty seals our doom though here i

call your unconscious clouds to witness

could i pursue the bias of my soul all

friends

all right of parents i disclaim and thou

my wiscorandos should be father and

mother brother cousin

uncle aunt and friend to me oh

matchless excellence and must be part

well if we must we must but in that case

the less is said the better hey

here's a cut what are all the mutual

protestations out there oh please sir

don't interrupt us just here you ruin

our feelings

your feelings zooms my feelings bob

i pray don't interrupt them

one last embrace

now farewell

forever for ever

i forever

steph and fury

if you go out without the party look

you you might as well dance out here

yeah

sir how am i to get off here you what

the devil signifies how you get off

edge your way at the top or where you

will

now then madam we understand you sir

i forever

ugh

you see i don't attempt to strike out

anything new but i take it i improve

upon the established birds

you do indeed but prey is not queen

elizabeth to appear

no not once but she is to be talked off

forever

so that a gadget will think a hundred

times she's on the point of coming in

hang it i think it's a pity to keep her

in the green room all the night

yes you will have a battle at last but

it is not to be by land

but by sea and that is the only quite

new thing

in the piece what drink at the armada

yes in faith fire ships

oh and then we shall end with a

procession hey that will do i think

no doubt come we must not lose time

so now for the underplot what play give

you another plot oh

lord yes everyone you live have two

plots to your tragedy

the grand point in managing them is only

to let your underplot

have as little connection with your main

plot as possible now i matter myself

nothing could be more distinct than mine

for as in my chief plot

all the characters are great people i

have laid my underplotted low life

and as the former is to end in deep

distress i make the other end of

happiest of hearts

well mr hopkins as soon as you please

sir sir the carpenters say it is

impossible

you go to the park see you but park see

no no

i mean the description seen here in the

woods wow

sir the performers have cut it out cut

it

out what the whole account of queen

elizabeth yes

and the description of a horse and

sights and oh yes sir

no this is very fine indeed mr hopkins

how does the plane could you suffer this

oh sorry indeed the pruning knife the

pruning knife

the pruning moons the axe why here has

been such a lopping and topping

i shall have the bad trunk of my

playlist presently

so this is very fine indeed very well

sir

the performers must do as they please

but upon my soul i'll print it every

word as i

would indeed very well sir then we must

go on

i would i would not have parted with a

description of the horse

once i go on sir it was one of the

finest and most

flavored things very well sir let them

go on

there you had him and his accoutrements

from the bit to the crafter

very well sir then we must go to the

park city sir

there is the point the carpenters say

that unless you put in some extra

business here

before the drop they shan't have time to

clear away the fort

and sink graves end in the river so this

is

very fine indeed gentlemen you must

excuse me

these fellows will never be ready unless

i go and look after them

these little things will happen

i'll paint it big dad

printed every word uh gentlemen

if you have any on track music you

better play it now

this may take some time

[Music]

without

[Music]

you

[Music]

so now then for the justices

ah this i suppose is a sort of senate

scene to be sure

there has not been one yet this the

under plot isn't it yes

what gentleman do you mean to go at once

to the discovery scene

if you please suck

though very well hockey i don't choose

to say anything more but he faith they

have

mangled my play in the most shocking

manner it's a great picture

so then mr justice as soon as you plea

are all the volunteers without they are

some tenant fetters

and some twenty drunk attends the youth

whose most appropriate fame and clear

convicted crimes

have stamped him soldier he awaits your

pleasure eager to repay the blessed

reprieve that sends him to the fields of

glory

there to raise his branded hand in

honor's course his world

his justice arms him or may he now

defend his country's laws

with half the spirit he hath broke them

all it would be your worship

pleasure but imagine

but i think mr puff not only the justice

but the clown seems to talk in his

higher style as the first hero among

them

effort for pity should not in a free

country sir

i am not one for making slavish

distinctions and giving all the fine

language to the upper sort of people oh

that's very noble in you indeed now pray

mark lucie

forgive this interruption good my love

but as i just now passed the prisoner

youthful rude hands hear the lead

strange boating seized my fluttering

heart

and to myself i said and if our tom

had lived he'd surely been this

stripping sights

sure some powerful sympathy directs

us both

what is thy name my name's tom

jenkins alias have i none

though orphaned and without a friend my

parents

my father dwelt in rochester and was as

i have heard

a fishmonger no more what sir

do you mean to leave out your account of

your birth parentage in education

they have settled it so sir here

how loudly nature whispers to my heart

and he no other name i'd seen a bill of

his signed

tom kim's creditor

this does indeed confirm each

circumstance

the gypsy told

prepare i do no orphan

nor without a friend not thou i am my

father

here is thy mother there thy uncle this

thy first cousin

and those are all your near relations oh

extra sea of bliss

almost unlooked for happiness oh

wonderful

events

there you see relationship like murder

will out

let's revive elsewhere this joy too much

but come and we'll unfold the rest

within

and thou my boy must needs want rest and

food

hence may each often hope as chance

directs

to find a father where he least

expects

[Applause]

well what do you think of that

one of the finest discovery scenes i

ever saw why this underpass would make a

tragedy in itself

or a comedy either and keeps quite clear

you see the other

uh the scene remains does it yes sir oh

yes but you are to leave one

chair you know but it is always awkward

in a tragedy to have you fellows coming

in in your

playhouse liveries to remove things i

wish that could be better managed

so now for my mysterious

human

perdition catch my soul but i do

love thee haven't i heard that line

before

no i fancy not where please

i think there's something like it in a

cellar a gag now you put me in my not i

believe there is

over that's of no consequence all that

can be said is that two people happen to

hit upon the same thought

and shakespeare made use of it first

that's all very true

yes now for your soliloquy but speak

more to the pit if you please

the soliloquy always do the pit that's a

rule

though hopeless love finds comfort in

despair

it never can endure a rival's bliss

but soft i am observed

that's a very short solitary yes but it

would have been a great deal longer

if he'd not been observed the most

sentimental beefy to that mr buff

hockey i would not have you be too sure

he is a beefeater not a hero in the sky

no matter

i only make a hint but now for my

principal character

here he comes lord burly pray jack

step this way softly i only hope the

lord high treasurer

is perfect oh if he is but perfect

so

mr buff

fastly well sir fastly well most

interesting

gravity

what is he not to speak at all gag i

thought you'd ask me that

yes it is a very likely thing that a

minister in his situation

with the whole affairs of the nation on

his head should have time to talk

but sure you put him out put him out how

the play can that be if he's not gonna

say anything

there's a reason why his part is to

think

and how the plate you imagine you can

think if you keep talking that's very

true upon my words

oh

hey he's very perfect indeed

but pray what did he mean by that you

don't take it

no i don't upon myself why buy that

shake of the head he gave you to

understand

that even though they had more justice

in their cause and wisdom in their

measures

yet if there was not a greater spirit

shown on the part of the people

the country would at last fall a

sacrifice to the hostile ambition of the

spanish monarchy what the devil

did he mean all that by shaking his head

every word of it

if he shook his head as i talked to him

certainly is a vast deal to be done upon

the stage by

my damn show and expression of faith and

the judicious author knows how far he'd

been trustworthy ah

here are two of our old acquaintances

my niece and your niece too

by heaven there's witchcraft in it he

could not else have gained their hearts

but see where they approach some horrid

purpose

lowering on my bro let us withdraw and

mark them

what is all this ah here has been more

pruning

oh but the fact is that these two young

ladies are also in love with don whisker

and us

now gentlemen this scene goes entirely

for what we call

situation and stage effect by which the

greatest applause may be obtained

without the assistance of language

sentiment or character pray mark

elena here she is his scorn as much as i

that is some comfort still life

here you must not say that to her

face aside mom aside

the whole scene is to be aside

she is his scorn as much as i that is

some comfort still

i know he prizes not paulina's love but

till marina lords at her his heart

but see the proud destroyer of my peace

revenges all the good i've left he comes

the false disturber of my quiet

now vengeance do thy worst

so hateful liberty if thus in vain i

seek my tilburyna

and ever shout

oh

we will thank you hold you

or see your nieces bleat

there's a situation for you ha ha

there's an arrowing group you saw the

ladies can't stand whiskerandos

he does not strike them for fear of

their uncles

the uncles does not kill him for fear of

their nieces i have a ball

at a deadlock for every one of them is

afraid to let go first

why then they must stand there forever

so they would if i hadn't a fine

contrivance for it

now mine

in the queen's name i charge you all to

drop

your swords and daggers

that's the contrivance indeed i in the

queen's name

have the peace come please but he

that bids us us or renounce our guard oh

thank you thou must do more

renounce thy love o liest

based beef eater ha hell

does i by heaven there's rouse the lion

in my heart

off yeoman's habit base disguise

off off off

am i a beef eater now

or beams my crest is terrible as when in

biscay's bay i took thy captives

there you see he comes out to be the

very captain of the privateer who had

taken on whisker and lost prisoner

and was himself an old lover of

tilberinas admirably

managed to jesus now stand out of their

way

[Laughter]

thus bestowed a weapon to chastise this

insulin i take thy challenge spaniard

and i thank the fortune too that's

excellently contrived it seems as though

the two uncles

had left the swords for them on purpose

oh no they could not help leaving

vengeance until borina

exactly sells

[Music]

[Applause]

ah

[Applause]

hey

i suck

that last thrust in tears was

painted captain thou hast fences well

and with corandos

quits this bustling scene

for all

he turned

knitty he would have added

but stern death cut short his being and

the noun

oh my dear sir you are too slow

sir i should trouble you to die again

edward corrandos quit this bustling

scene

for all

sir i must ask you to practice this

without me

i can't stay here dying all night

very well we'll go over it by and by yes

i must humor these fellows

farewell brave spaniard and we're next

week

here sir you need not speak that speech

as the body

as walked off that's true sir

then i'll join the fleet if you please

now who comes on a hemisphere of evil

planets reign

and every planet sheds contagious frenzy

my spanish prisoner is slain my daughter

meeting

the dead course born

alone has gone distracted

[Music]

but herc i am summoned to the fort

perhaps the fleets have met amazing

crisis

o tilburyna from thy aged father's beard

thus plucked the few brown hairs which

time had left

gentleman yes and no one to blame but

his own daughter yeah the planets

are true now into tiberina we're glad

the business comes on quick here

yes now she comes in stock mad in white

satin white white satin

oh lord sir when a hello wind goes match

he always goes into white

satin don't you dangle always it's a

ruler yes here it is

enter tilburina stark mad in white's

attitude

and her confidant stark mad in white

lily

but the devil is the confidante to be

mad too sure she is

the confidante is always to do whatever

her mistress does weep when she weeps

smile when she smiles go mad when she

goes bad

now then madame confident but um keep

your madness in the background if you

please

[Applause]

the wind whistles

the moon rises ah

see they've killed my squirrel in his

cage

is this a grasshopper no

it is my whiskerandos

you shall not keep him i know you have

him in your pocket

an oyster may be crossed in love

who says a whale's a bird

ah did you call my love

he's here he's there he's

everywhere

there do you ever desire to see anyone

matter than that

never while i live you observed how she

mangled the meter

yes again it was the first thing made me

suspect she was out of a census

replay what becomes about she's gone to

throw herself into the season oh sure

that brings us at last to the scene of

action and to my catastrophe

i see fight i mean but you bring that on

at last yes

well you know my play is called the

spanish otherwise he can't

i have no occasion for a battle at all

now then for my magnificence my noise

my battle and my precision

you are all ready yes is the tens

dressed

up

see gentlemen there's a river for you

this is blending a little of the mask

with my tragedy a new fancy you know and

very useful in my case for as there must

be a procession

i suppose the thames and all his

tributive rivers

to complement britannia with the fate in

honour of the victory

who are these gentlemen agreeing with

him those those are his banks

yes one crowned with alders the other

with a villa

but he want to play you've got both your

banks on one side

yes sir come round

ten seven while you live go between your

banks

yeah so now for it my dear friends

awakens

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

ourselves into its songs

ourselves into his songs

[Music]

[Music]

uh

[Music]

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

this was the chat

[Music]

is

[Music]

is

[Music]

there you have it sir the action and the

words

suited britannia rises

[Music]

is

[Music]

is

[Music]

lucky oh god save

gentlemen what are you doing

you scuttle the spirit of the nature

he's only temporary mr puff

she'll rise again when the seat men have

studied the cube then give thanks her

the nation's security depends on the

navy not the seabed

the navy has more rehearsal

i feel very silly just sitting here and

going up and down

i am used to speaking but madame i have

contrived it you are

the center of attention well that's

something i suppose

but a little prologue wouldn't come a

minute already now mr puff

for your procession and the grand march

then

strike up gentlemen now you will see

something my grand finale mr puff

it could scare surpass what we've

already seen

i hope sir that is me

[Music]

my

[Music]

wow

[Music]

oh gentlemen

[Music]

thanks

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

the gloomy expression sir it's a triumph

but a funeral

[Music]

life

if you please

[Music]

yes

[Music]

oh

[Music]

wow

[Music]

oh

[Music]

oh well pretty well

not quite perfect so ladies and

gentlemen if you please

we'll rehearse this piece again tomorrow

open the door you rascals the claret is

finished and so is the play

thank you god dick you've run it down

folks this time what are you talking

about you have at least 48 hours

actors you know can do anything monster

video am i to be allowed home now unless

i watch the damn thing too tomorrow sir

when we are perfect

nothing mr king and the whole history of

the theater has ever been perfect

if it were no one would bother to come

good night

[Music]

my

[Music]

do

[Music]

you