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1
00:00:02,939 --> 00:00:04,709
Ah c'mon, dude!
you got one frickin' job.
2
00:00:04,709 --> 00:00:07,815
Yo, Tam! I think the fridge
water thingy's busted.
3
00:00:07,815 --> 00:00:09,653
The shower's not working either.
4
00:00:09,653 --> 00:00:10,922
Ugh. You kidding me?
5
00:00:10,922 --> 00:00:13,928
[creaking]
6
00:00:13,928 --> 00:00:14,796
Wait, what.
7
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:17,101
Hmm...
8
00:00:17,503 --> 00:00:20,675
Uh excuse me, Ma'am?
Our water's not working.
9
00:00:20,675 --> 00:00:22,344
I know, I just shut it off.
10
00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:24,214
Okay, well, you got, like, a...
ETA on when
11
00:00:24,214 --> 00:00:25,350
it's gonna to be up
and running?
12
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:27,321
That depends on
when you pay your bill.
13
00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:28,123
Uh-huh.
14
00:00:28,290 --> 00:00:30,393
Mark? Did you forget
to pay the water bill?
15
00:00:30,393 --> 00:00:32,999
Uh, no I did not forget
to pay the water bill.
16
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:34,536
I intentionally didn't pay it.
17
00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:36,841
I'm sorry... What? Why?
18
00:00:36,841 --> 00:00:37,643
Uh, because it's a scam?
19
00:00:37,643 --> 00:00:40,581
A scam?
Providing water is a scam?
20
00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:41,116
Big time, okay.
21
00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:43,453
Last bill
I saw was like $27!
22
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,088
It's ridiculous!
23
00:00:44,088 --> 00:00:45,423
Uh... I feel like 27 bucks
24
00:00:45,423 --> 00:00:47,395
is pretty reasonable
for something essential
25
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:48,965
like water.
- Are you kidding me?!
26
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:50,266
Wha - how are you gonna charge
for water?
27
00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:51,737
It's like a natural human,
right?
28
00:00:51,737 --> 00:00:53,273
What's next? Paying for air?
29
00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,812
And so you just stopped paying?
That was your plan?
30
00:00:55,812 --> 00:00:57,649
I mean I didn't think they'd
actually shut it off.
31
00:00:57,649 --> 00:00:59,520
I'm pretty sure that's illegal
actually.
32
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,890
Uh. You're a real piece of work,
you know that?
33
00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:03,293
Uh-- Tammy, I'm making
a stand here!
34
00:01:03,293 --> 00:01:04,061
Someone's gotta stand up
35
00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:06,901
to these corporate government
b- bureaucracies!
36
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,570
Excuse me, ma'am?
- Yes?
37
00:01:08,570 --> 00:01:10,240
Can I just pay the bill
right now
38
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,877
and you turn the water back on?
39
00:01:11,877 --> 00:01:13,246
I'm not authorized to accept
payments.
40
00:01:13,246 --> 00:01:14,783
Needs to go through
our billing department.
41
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:17,589
Ok, but can't you just like,
call them real quick?
42
00:01:17,589 --> 00:01:19,793
The fastest way to pay
is through our online portal.
43
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:21,830
Once the outstanding balance is
paid, I'll return
44
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:24,134
within 5 to 7 business days
to restore service.
45
00:01:24,134 --> 00:01:25,571
5 to 7-- What?!
46
00:01:25,571 --> 00:01:27,575
But you're literally here
right now.
47
00:01:27,575 --> 00:01:30,214
Sorry. There's a whole protocol
I need to follow.
48
00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:31,750
Can you back up, please?
49
00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:34,321
There you go.
There it is right there, okay.
50
00:01:34,321 --> 00:01:35,257
You see what I'm talking about?
51
00:01:35,257 --> 00:01:37,596
We're dealing
with a soulless corporation.
52
00:01:37,596 --> 00:01:39,331
There's a reason
they got waterworks
53
00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:40,467
on a friggin' Monopoly board.
54
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,471
Well, we don't really
have a choice.
55
00:01:42,471 --> 00:01:43,741
Actually, we do.
56
00:01:43,741 --> 00:01:46,947
We are gonna to be getting
our own water. The classic way.
57
00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:48,951
I'm digging a well.
58
00:01:48,951 --> 00:01:51,322
Uh, no. You don't know the first
thing about digging a well.
59
00:01:51,322 --> 00:01:52,626
Uh, it ain't
rocket science, Tam.
60
00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:55,063
You dig a frickin' hole
until you hit water. Boom!
61
00:01:55,163 --> 00:01:56,299
[crack]
62
00:01:56,499 --> 00:01:58,704
Ah, damnit!
Who put a sprinkler there?
63
00:02:00,608 --> 00:02:03,179
♪ Well, I used to work
in hot dog factory ♪
64
00:02:03,179 --> 00:02:05,183
♪ until them
robots came along, ♪
65
00:02:05,183 --> 00:02:07,188
♪ and now there is no
job for me, ♪
66
00:02:07,188 --> 00:02:09,058
♪ but I get three thousand
bucks a month. ♪
67
00:02:09,225 --> 00:02:13,734
♪ Thanks to UBI. ♪
68
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:17,007
♪ Now we're Universal
Basic Guys. ♪
69
00:02:17,107 --> 00:02:22,318
♪ It may not sound like much,
but we're still gonna try. ♪
70
00:02:22,318 --> 00:02:26,526
♪ We're just Universal
Basic Guys. ♪
71
00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:34,576
[digging]
72
00:02:36,647 --> 00:02:38,785
Hey Mark, you wanna to grill up
these dogs watch the Phils?
73
00:02:38,785 --> 00:02:41,223
Not today,
Hank. We're digging a well.
74
00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:42,793
Oh man.
That seems like a lot of work.
75
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:44,228
What are you talking about?
It's fun.
76
00:02:44,228 --> 00:02:46,232
It's like uh,
digging a hole at the beach.
77
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,234
It's classic.
78
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,506
Oh. I do love digging holes
at the beach.
79
00:02:49,506 --> 00:02:52,077
Right? Yeah. You wanna get in
on this, dude?
80
00:02:52,077 --> 00:02:53,380
Uh... Okay.
81
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:55,450
Ahh. Yeah, there we go.
82
00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:56,587
[grunting]
83
00:02:56,954 --> 00:02:58,489
Man, this is no joke.
84
00:02:58,489 --> 00:03:00,493
Ah you got this dude. I already
broke through the crust.
85
00:03:00,493 --> 00:03:01,462
That's like the hardest part.
86
00:03:01,462 --> 00:03:04,368
Now you just got to dig
the last 100ft or so.
87
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:06,139
Oh. Okay.
- Alright you good?
88
00:03:06,139 --> 00:03:07,274
I'm gonna go grab a drink.
89
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:10,480
Okay.
[Hank whistling]
90
00:03:11,717 --> 00:03:14,255
Oh come on! Hon, what
email did you use
91
00:03:14,255 --> 00:03:16,392
to log in to the
water bill thing?
92
00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:17,562
None of 'em are working.
93
00:03:17,562 --> 00:03:19,265
Oh yeah, I used a fake one.
94
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,570
I think it was uh,
fartface@nothanks.poop
95
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:22,906
or somethin',
I don't know.
96
00:03:22,906 --> 00:03:23,774
Why would you do that?
97
00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:25,410
Uh, cause I'm not trying to get
a billion spam emails
98
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:28,449
about not wasting water or--
- Come on, Mark.
99
00:03:28,449 --> 00:03:29,653
How am I supposed
to pay the bill
100
00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:31,456
if I can't even log into
the website?
101
00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:32,792
Yeah well
we don't need to pay the bill.
102
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,428
We're going off the grid.
- Enough.
103
00:03:34,428 --> 00:03:36,733
I just want to pay the bill
and get on with it.
104
00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:37,669
Wow. Look at you.
105
00:03:37,669 --> 00:03:40,307
Just giving in
like all the other sheeple.
106
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,844
Sorry, but I'm not gonna bend
over and let 'em
107
00:03:41,844 --> 00:03:44,683
bleed us dry with their
cockamamie $2 "sewage fees"
108
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:48,557
A.K.A. funding their CEO's
private plane to Epstein Island.
109
00:03:48,557 --> 00:03:51,061
So all of this is over a $2 fee?
110
00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:52,566
No, Tammy, it's the principle.
111
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,705
They're ripping off all us hard
working people by charging us
112
00:03:55,705 --> 00:03:56,507
for something
that should be free.
113
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,780
Oh yeah. 'Cause you're working
so hard these days.
114
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,082
Actually, thanks to UBI,
115
00:04:01,082 --> 00:04:04,288
I got the time to stand up to
those greedy corporate bastards.
116
00:04:04,957 --> 00:04:07,596
Oh come on.
How many times I gotta do this?!
117
00:04:07,596 --> 00:04:09,700
See, they know
they're the only game in town,
118
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,970
so they don't have to give
a crap about customer service.
119
00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,975
Believe me, once I get this
well up and running,
120
00:04:13,975 --> 00:04:16,479
we're not going to have to deal
with any of this nonsense.
121
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:18,717
Hon, do you have any idea how
hard it is to pump your
122
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:21,356
own water? You're going to give
up in two hours?
123
00:04:21,356 --> 00:04:22,158
Pfft yeah, no chance.
124
00:04:22,559 --> 00:04:25,396
I'm not stoppin' until we are
liberated from Big Water.
125
00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:27,468
Mark, In 5 to 7 business days,
126
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,204
the water is gonna
to be running again,
127
00:04:29,204 --> 00:04:30,474
and you'll be on to your
next charade.
128
00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:31,577
Pffft! In five days,
129
00:04:31,577 --> 00:04:33,313
we'll be drinking fresh
well water,
130
00:04:33,313 --> 00:04:34,949
'cause I'm digging us
to freedom.
131
00:04:34,949 --> 00:04:35,618
You mean Hank?
132
00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:37,822
No, I loosen the lid!
Alright?
133
00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:39,659
Dah...Oh right.
Damnit!
134
00:04:39,659 --> 00:04:41,462
Hey, hun, if you get a
chance can you uh,
135
00:04:41,462 --> 00:04:43,299
pick up some bottled water?
136
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:48,510
Ooh! Ooh.
137
00:04:48,644 --> 00:04:50,782
Hoo, ridiculous. Thing costs
half the water bill.
138
00:04:50,782 --> 00:04:52,852
The whole water industry's
a scam.
139
00:04:52,852 --> 00:04:54,221
Yo how we doing, bud?
140
00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:56,392
Oof, I don't know.
Pretty tired.
141
00:04:56,392 --> 00:04:58,530
Oh yeah that's
'cause you're using your back.
142
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:00,802
Gotta bend the knees, okay?
The power's in your legs.
143
00:05:00,802 --> 00:05:02,337
So how much further down
we gotta go?
144
00:05:02,337 --> 00:05:04,743
Ah, it's just like at the beach.
We gotta go until we hit water.
145
00:05:04,743 --> 00:05:07,916
Yeah. It's just uh... You know,
this dirt's harder than it looks
146
00:05:07,949 --> 00:05:09,619
I think I might
be at the core or somethin'.
147
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:10,453
You're not at the core okay.
148
00:05:10,554 --> 00:05:13,326
That's like... at least...
a 1000ft down.
149
00:05:13,326 --> 00:05:14,963
You know, if you want to get
serious,
150
00:05:14,963 --> 00:05:15,999
I got a guy who can hook you up
151
00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:18,504
with an industrial-grade
auger drill. Okay, this thing
152
00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:20,975
will get you to China faster
than the Concorde.
153
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:22,144
Nah. This is what it's all about
154
00:05:22,144 --> 00:05:25,517
Outside on a beautiful day,
working with our hands,
155
00:05:25,517 --> 00:05:28,957
all for a higher purpose.
Ain't that right, Hank?
156
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:30,895
[thud]
157
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:32,899
Uh.... Yeaaah.
Lemme get that drill.
158
00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:36,239
Thank you for calling the
Glanton County Water Company.
159
00:05:36,239 --> 00:05:38,242
Your call is important to us.
- Come on.
160
00:05:38,242 --> 00:05:40,280
Did you know the Glanton
County Water Company
161
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,650
[mocking]
has been providing clean,
162
00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:45,624
reliable water to South
Jersey residents since 1952?
163
00:05:45,624 --> 00:05:47,829
We're proud of our decades-long
[fart noise]
164
00:05:47,829 --> 00:05:50,635
commitment to our community.
Yeah, yeah.
165
00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:52,639
Thank you for calling the
Glanton County Water Company.
166
00:05:52,639 --> 00:05:54,509
My name's Alex.
How may I help you today?
167
00:05:54,509 --> 00:05:57,248
Oh! Finally a human.
Hey, Alex.
168
00:05:57,248 --> 00:05:59,719
So earlier today,
my water got shut off,
169
00:05:59,719 --> 00:06:01,690
and now I'm trying to pay
my bill on the portal,
170
00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:02,826
but my husband misspelled
171
00:06:02,826 --> 00:06:05,263
his email address,
so now I can't log in.
172
00:06:05,263 --> 00:06:06,833
Oh, I'm
sorry to hear that, Tammy.
173
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,405
So you want to pay
your outstanding balance? Yes.
174
00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:11,108
Thank you. My pleasure.
175
00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:11,810
So, for all billing-related
176
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,783
issues, please
visit our new online portal at
177
00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:17,755
www.GCWC -
- No no, no no no, I tried that.
178
00:06:17,755 --> 00:06:18,791
I can't log in.
179
00:06:18,791 --> 00:06:20,561
That's what
I just tried to explain.
180
00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:21,563
One moment please.
181
00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:23,433
No no no no no! Alex!
182
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:25,571
Did you know that
by switching to Alex, our AI
183
00:06:25,571 --> 00:06:27,975
powered representative - Ugh!
- we've cut costs -
184
00:06:27,975 --> 00:06:29,579
Okay Hank. You ready?
- and passed the savings on -
185
00:06:29,579 --> 00:06:31,650
Let's do it!
[drill roars to life]
186
00:06:35,456 --> 00:06:38,029
The hell, Mark?! Are you nuts?
187
00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:40,433
Relax, Tam.
It's totally under control.
188
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:44,609
Arghhh- ooohhhh
189
00:06:46,946 --> 00:06:48,917
Arghhhh - oof
190
00:06:50,187 --> 00:06:52,592
Hank, you good?
You see any water?
191
00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:55,463
Uh, nah. Just a bunch of mud.
192
00:06:55,463 --> 00:06:57,935
Wait, mud?
Yo, that means water dude.
193
00:06:57,935 --> 00:06:59,037
Keep digging!
194
00:06:59,037 --> 00:07:01,041
Hmmm.
Oh wait.
195
00:07:02,746 --> 00:07:05,350
Uh, yep. Uh, we got water.
196
00:07:05,350 --> 00:07:08,356
Yoo let's goooo!
There we go.
197
00:07:08,356 --> 00:07:09,926
Oh, no.
198
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,170
[creaking]
199
00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:18,109
Damn, dude, I thought the
digging was the hard part.
200
00:07:18,109 --> 00:07:21,650
Aight here we go, Mernft.
Our first taste of victory.
201
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:25,892
Unfiltered, 100% free,
South Jersey water,
202
00:07:25,892 --> 00:07:28,764
straight from my own well!
Here we go.
203
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:31,135
Yeah uh - I don't know Mark.
204
00:07:31,135 --> 00:07:33,875
Lookin' a little - uh -
discolored, you know.
205
00:07:33,875 --> 00:07:36,746
Nah, that's all the good stuff,
ya know, like the raw minerals.
206
00:07:36,746 --> 00:07:39,018
It's actually what water used to
look like before we started
207
00:07:39,018 --> 00:07:41,222
putting all the - er - chemicals
and crap in it.
208
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:45,397
Ahhh! That's the taste of
freedom right there.
209
00:07:45,397 --> 00:07:48,069
[gagging]
210
00:07:48,069 --> 00:07:51,141
Uh, hey, Mark, you ready for the
next bucket?
211
00:07:51,475 --> 00:07:55,116
[creaking...rope whipping]
212
00:07:55,818 --> 00:07:57,254
Oof!
213
00:07:57,254 --> 00:07:58,858
Hmmm.
214
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,963
Alright, so I just need some
kind of pumping system
215
00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:03,934
into the house. Can you rig
something up for me?
216
00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:06,673
I mean, I can try,
but it ain't going to be pretty.
217
00:08:06,673 --> 00:08:09,378
Might want to call a uh -
plumbing contractor, Mark.
218
00:08:09,378 --> 00:08:10,547
Nah nah nah, dude,
they gotta
219
00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,919
adhere to all these kinds of
codes and regulations and crap.
220
00:08:12,919 --> 00:08:14,354
Half the fun of going
off the grid is
221
00:08:14,354 --> 00:08:16,927
that there's no rules about,
like, water pressure and stuff.
222
00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:18,564
C'mon, help me out here,
Artie.
223
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,466
How much pressure
we talking about here, Mark?
224
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:21,803
I don't know. Max?
225
00:08:21,803 --> 00:08:24,442
Pfft. Man, this is dumb as hell.
226
00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:28,651
Alright. I'm going to need about
400ft of 3in PVC and fittings,
227
00:08:28,651 --> 00:08:31,523
200 rolls of duct tape,
and a 30 rack of Ding Ice.
228
00:08:31,523 --> 00:08:33,727
Yoooo let's goooo.
229
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,405
Oh, we're gonna
to be here all day at this rate.
230
00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:41,877
I know. My appointment
was two hours ago.
231
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:43,713
Wait. I need an appointment?
232
00:08:43,713 --> 00:08:46,419
Only if you wanna skip
that line.
233
00:08:46,419 --> 00:08:49,625
Oh, you gotta be frickin'
kidding me.
234
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:53,867
Yo how we looking, Artie?
I gotta get this thing up
235
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,705
and running before Tammy gets
the water back on.
236
00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:58,476
Aight should be good to go.
- Go for Hank.
237
00:08:58,476 --> 00:09:00,080
Uh, dah... You got Hank?
Uh, copy.
238
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,583
Yo, how are we looking
down there?
239
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:02,685
Looking good.
240
00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:04,589
Alright, we're gonna
fire it up.
241
00:09:04,589 --> 00:09:06,325
Uh. Roger Rabbit.
242
00:09:06,693 --> 00:09:10,200
Woah... Cave dog.
Nice.
243
00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:11,837
Hey there little guy.
244
00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:15,911
Man, if you weren't so cute,
I'd probably eat you.
245
00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:18,683
Ooh....
246
00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:21,656
[pump fires up]
247
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,970
Alright, here goes nothing.
248
00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:34,314
Yoooo.
249
00:09:38,189 --> 00:09:39,659
Woah there.
250
00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,963
[mouth full]
Oh, if you insist.
251
00:09:43,634 --> 00:09:44,536
Hmm. Pretty good.
252
00:09:44,703 --> 00:09:46,739
Hey yo Hank, we're about to fire
up the sprinklers.
253
00:09:46,739 --> 00:09:48,209
You wanna come up
and see this?
254
00:09:48,209 --> 00:09:50,379
Uh no thanks. I'm good.
255
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:52,985
Hell yeah.
256
00:09:54,088 --> 00:09:56,125
Okay uh, here we go.
257
00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:57,628
Zone one.
258
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,339
[smash]
What the hell?
259
00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:05,110
Oh man.
- Siccck dude.
260
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:06,245
Holy crap!
261
00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:09,217
[explosions]
262
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,723
Ah, damnit.
263
00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:18,403
[phone rings] - Ugh. Yes?
- Yo where you at?
264
00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:19,906
I'm in line
at the water company.
265
00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:21,442
Oh, yeah? Well, you might
want to come back
266
00:10:21,442 --> 00:10:23,681
because we... are fully
operational.
267
00:10:23,681 --> 00:10:25,784
Oh, my god.
Did you flood the house?
268
00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:28,122
No. I'm thinking about
putting in a m-- a moat
269
00:10:28,122 --> 00:10:31,095
maybe a little koi pond,
a little water feature action,
270
00:10:31,095 --> 00:10:33,834
now that the water is free,
baby!
271
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:37,273
Oh Mark, that looks disgusting.
That come from a swamp?
272
00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:38,209
Oh, you mean this chemical-free
273
00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:40,413
mineral water
straight from the tap?
274
00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:41,783
Do not drink that.
275
00:10:41,783 --> 00:10:43,520
Ahh.
That's good stuff, Tam.
276
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,289
[coughs]
277
00:10:45,289 --> 00:10:47,093
Uch, Mark, this is insanity.
278
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:49,397
Oh, please.
People have been drinking water
279
00:10:49,397 --> 00:10:50,701
like this for millions of years.
280
00:10:50,701 --> 00:10:52,972
Yeah,
when life expectancy was 30.
281
00:10:52,972 --> 00:10:54,842
Pft, are you kidding me!
Noah lived to like
282
00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:57,080
700 years old.
Which is how old you're gonna
283
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,584
to be, by the way,
by the time you're done
284
00:10:58,584 --> 00:11:01,054
standing in that line.
Real easy, huh?
285
00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:02,592
Oh boy. Uh...
286
00:11:02,592 --> 00:11:03,727
Yo Tam, actually,
I'm gonna jump.
287
00:11:03,727 --> 00:11:04,629
Uh, I'm not feeling so hot.
288
00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:07,500
I think uh, might have spent
too much time out on the sun.
289
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,873
Mark. You okay?
290
00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,008
Ugh!
291
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:18,456
Yo! Excuse me!
I'm trying to give you money.
292
00:11:18,456 --> 00:11:19,826
It shouldn't be this hard.
293
00:11:19,826 --> 00:11:21,897
Ma'am. For all billing
related inquiries.
294
00:11:21,897 --> 00:11:23,867
- use th-
Use the portal, yeah, yeah.
295
00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:25,236
Except I can't log in,
296
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:27,141
because your stupid website
won't send me
297
00:11:27,141 --> 00:11:29,579
the email
to reset my frickin' username.
298
00:11:29,579 --> 00:11:31,950
Have you checked
your spam folder, ma'am?
299
00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:37,460
Uh...Haha...
Yep. Okay. There it is.
300
00:11:44,474 --> 00:11:45,644
Hey! Wanda!
301
00:11:45,644 --> 00:11:47,749
Tammy Hoagies.
You turned my water off.
302
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,220
Ma'am,
I just follow my work orders.
303
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:51,857
No, no. I'm not mad.
304
00:11:51,857 --> 00:11:53,425
Heh, I know you're
just doing your job,
305
00:11:53,425 --> 00:11:55,865
you don't make the rules.
But here's the thing,
306
00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:57,167
I just paid my bill,
307
00:11:57,167 --> 00:12:00,507
and I really need
the water turned on, like now.
308
00:12:00,507 --> 00:12:02,745
Are you trying to bribe me?
309
00:12:02,745 --> 00:12:04,181
Yes. What's it going to take for
310
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,285
to just come over
and turn the damn thingy on?
311
00:12:06,285 --> 00:12:10,160
20 bucks? 50? 100?
Look, haha, couple benjies
312
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,430
for ya, look, huh? Huh?
How do you like that?
313
00:12:12,430 --> 00:12:14,536
Ma'am. I'm not trying to lose
my benefits.
314
00:12:14,536 --> 00:12:17,340
I'll be there in 5 to 7
business days.
315
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:18,577
In 5 to 7 business days
316
00:12:18,577 --> 00:12:21,449
we won't be customers anymore
because my maniac husband
317
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,787
is on a mission
to make us water independent.
318
00:12:23,787 --> 00:12:25,691
Oh, I wouldn't recommend that.
319
00:12:25,691 --> 00:12:27,795
You think?! That's why
I need you to come over
320
00:12:27,795 --> 00:12:30,667
and turn my frickin' water back
on. I'm begging you.
321
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:31,904
Woman-to-woman.
322
00:12:31,904 --> 00:12:34,241
Alright Ma'am. I hear you.
323
00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:35,544
Thank you, Wanda.
324
00:12:35,544 --> 00:12:38,850
And I'll see you in 5 to 7 days.
325
00:12:40,253 --> 00:12:43,960
Ugh! Even the frickin'
people are robots!
326
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,599
Oh! I am so sick of this crap.
327
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,373
Let's see how you like it
when I come to your home,
328
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,310
Wanda... Heheheh.
329
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:56,987
Alright, Mr. Hoagies.
I have to ask:
330
00:12:56,987 --> 00:13:00,259
have you been kissing your dog
on the rectum?
331
00:13:00,259 --> 00:13:01,963
Uh...No? What?
332
00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:04,234
Well, your stool tests came back
positive
333
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:07,575
for Giardia, Campylobacter,
and a handful of other things
334
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:08,944
I've only read
in medical textbooks.
335
00:13:08,944 --> 00:13:12,083
Like Cestoides Salsiformis.
- Uh, English please.
336
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,621
“Sausage flukes, ”
337
00:13:13,621 --> 00:13:17,393
a parasitic worm thought to be
eradicated in the early 1900s.
338
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:20,333
Huh. That's weird. Cause I'm
like, living real healthy
339
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,503
right now. No soda.
340
00:13:21,503 --> 00:13:24,007
Been working outside,
getting that vitamin D,
341
00:13:24,007 --> 00:13:24,909
and I'm only drinking
342
00:13:25,042 --> 00:13:27,381
fresh water from my own well,
in the backyard.
343
00:13:27,381 --> 00:13:29,986
Hmmm. How are you
treating the well water?
344
00:13:29,986 --> 00:13:32,357
Uh...I'm pretty nice to it.
- No no no.
345
00:13:32,357 --> 00:13:34,862
Are you treating your well
water for parasites?
346
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:36,867
Like, cleaning it with chemicals
347
00:13:36,867 --> 00:13:38,870
Ah hell no.
I'm keeping it pure, baby.
348
00:13:38,870 --> 00:13:40,875
I don't want a fluoride crap.
[tooth pops out]
349
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,979
Whoop, ohp,
that slipped right out
350
00:13:42,979 --> 00:13:45,416
Guess I got a little case
of the black gum.
351
00:13:45,416 --> 00:13:48,890
I'm going to prescribe you some
antiparasitic and antibiotics.
352
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,293
If you plan to continue drinking
353
00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:52,430
that well water,
you're going to need a robust
354
00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:54,569
purification
and water treatment system.
355
00:13:54,569 --> 00:13:56,707
Okay, well, that sounds like
a major pain in the ass.
356
00:13:56,707 --> 00:13:58,977
Yeah, well,
so is dying of dysentery.
357
00:13:58,977 --> 00:14:00,714
Okay well,
what are my other options?
358
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:01,516
You could just get your water
359
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,854
from the water company
like a normal person.
360
00:14:03,854 --> 00:14:06,358
I see. Hmm.
361
00:14:08,295 --> 00:14:11,168
Ah, hey Mark, you got mud
all over the back of your pants.
362
00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:15,242
Yeah, that's, uh - definitely
just mud.
363
00:14:15,242 --> 00:14:16,178
Yo, Hank, uh,
364
00:14:16,546 --> 00:14:19,485
I'm dropping some chlorine down
so we can get this water treated
365
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:21,488
Yo, Hank, you copy?
366
00:14:22,123 --> 00:14:23,059
Hank?
367
00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:25,697
Oh man. This is the life.
368
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:28,469
Infinity hot dogs.
369
00:14:28,469 --> 00:14:30,339
Don't mind if I do.
370
00:14:32,511 --> 00:14:35,517
I feel tingly.
371
00:14:39,526 --> 00:14:42,096
Ooh, did I make you?
372
00:14:42,096 --> 00:14:44,535
Welcome to the world,
lil' guy.
373
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:48,175
I'm your dad. Or uh, maybe mom?
374
00:14:50,246 --> 00:14:51,983
Alright. Coming down, dude.
375
00:14:51,983 --> 00:14:56,324
Yep ohp, up, oh ah - gah.
376
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,668
Hank? You good, dude?
377
00:15:00,668 --> 00:15:02,270
Yo Hank?!
378
00:15:09,351 --> 00:15:13,726
[delirious - singing]
It's the circle of liiiiife -
379
00:15:14,528 --> 00:15:17,935
Whoa holy crap, Hank!
Yo, you okay dude?
380
00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:19,839
Living the dream.
381
00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:21,809
I'm a hot dog mommy.
382
00:15:21,809 --> 00:15:23,580
[loud scream]!
383
00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:24,615
Um, yeah.
384
00:15:24,682 --> 00:15:28,255
So those are, uh parasites, Hank
Sausage flukes uh -
385
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:31,261
Think they may have gotten into
your brain, so uh,
386
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,365
I'm gonna go ahead and smoke
'em out with this chlorine.
387
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:36,005
Yoo take that!
- No my babies!
388
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:37,340
Hank, c'mon, stop
screwing around, dude.
389
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:38,977
I gotta chlorinate
this well water
390
00:15:38,977 --> 00:15:40,146
and get up to the surface,
pronto, okay.
391
00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:41,482
I got a guy coming by to
give me a quote
392
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,753
on some dancing fountains
for the front yard.
393
00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:46,191
[coughing]
Yo. Did you hear that?
394
00:15:47,027 --> 00:15:50,600
What is that stench?
395
00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:55,410
Holy crap dude!
396
00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:58,850
Oh, hello.
Haven't had visitors in ages.
397
00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:01,756
Pleasure
to make your acquaintance.
398
00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:03,492
Yo, what?
399
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,137
Damn, yo,
look at his setup dude.
400
00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:12,144
You got, like, torches, you
got the rock stove, nice man.
401
00:16:12,144 --> 00:16:13,514
Yo, is that a DVD player?
402
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,517
I charge it
with a small solar panel.
403
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:18,690
I have hidden on a tree
behind the shopping center.
404
00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:21,696
Cool. Are those uh real carrots
or some kind of parasite?
405
00:16:21,696 --> 00:16:25,269
Oh, they're real carrots.
alright. Here. Eat one.
406
00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:29,645
Grown in fertilizer made
from my real poop.
407
00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:32,918
[Hank spits]
- Oof! You really got this -
408
00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:34,287
got this whole thing
figured out, huh?
409
00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:37,493
I've had 30 years
to perfect my craft.
410
00:16:37,493 --> 00:16:39,833
Wait did you say you've been
living down here for 30 years?
411
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,468
30 years of freedom.
412
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:45,209
No taxes, no rules,
no water company!
413
00:16:45,209 --> 00:16:48,449
And it all started with a well.
414
00:16:48,449 --> 00:16:51,756
Nice, uh, I'm actually
newly water independent myself.
415
00:16:51,756 --> 00:16:53,994
Ahh, congratulations, my friend.
416
00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:58,069
Soon, you two will know the joy
of complete self-sufficiency.
417
00:16:58,069 --> 00:16:59,004
Yeah, I don't know.
It's turning out
418
00:16:59,138 --> 00:17:00,941
to be more of a pain
in the butt than I thought.
419
00:17:00,941 --> 00:17:02,343
It's like apparently got
to treat the water
420
00:17:02,343 --> 00:17:04,314
with chlorine and
what not, it's-
421
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,085
Haha! Well there's a bit more
to it than that.
422
00:17:06,085 --> 00:17:08,556
Uh, you've also got to
filter it and test it daily.
423
00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:12,063
[machines whirring]
424
00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:16,806
Ah Geez.
Seems a little involved.
425
00:17:16,806 --> 00:17:19,712
Oh sure is,
but it's well worth it,
426
00:17:19,712 --> 00:17:20,914
and it's really not that hard.
427
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,052
Here, let me show you
how it's done!
428
00:17:23,052 --> 00:17:26,091
Hit it, Stevie Under.
[piano music]
429
00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:29,330
I trained him to play
in my limited spare time.
430
00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:34,475
♪ Sourcing your own water
can be a lot of fun, but ♪
431
00:17:34,475 --> 00:17:37,113
♪ it's gonna take some sacrifice
to make that faucet run. ♪
432
00:17:37,113 --> 00:17:38,616
♪ There are pathogens,
433
00:17:38,616 --> 00:17:40,988
♪ particulates,
and chemicals galore. ♪
434
00:17:40,988 --> 00:17:42,891
♪ But if you follow
all these steps, ♪
435
00:17:42,891 --> 00:17:46,498
♪ you can kick them
out the door. ♪
436
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,970
♪ First, pre-filter out the
sediment ♪
437
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,373
♪ the sand and the debris
438
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,210
♪ You'll wanna keep
your sewage separate ♪
439
00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:53,980
♪ or you're drinking
poop and pee! ♪
440
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:55,885
♪ Any surface
pipes need insulation ♪
441
00:17:55,885 --> 00:17:59,124
♪ just in case it snows. And
check your radiation levels ♪
442
00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:00,660
♪ or you too might
lose your nose! ♪
443
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:03,534
You really don't miss it
though. It's purely esthetic.
444
00:18:03,534 --> 00:18:05,469
Hey Mark,
this could be you some day.
445
00:18:05,469 --> 00:18:06,271
Yeah...
446
00:18:06,505 --> 00:18:09,411
♪ Now let's move on to
my favorite phase. ♪
447
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:12,818
♪ Disinfection,
pH-balance and UV-rays. ♪
448
00:18:12,818 --> 00:18:16,291
♪ Prepare yourself, this part a
little more involved. In fact, ♪
449
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:20,768
♪ some might even say it's
why my marriage dissolved. ♪
450
00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:24,374
♪ You've got...
451
00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:27,881
♪ chlorination, ozonation
sterilizing radiation-- ♪
452
00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:31,254
Hey, wait,
where'd you go?
453
00:18:32,591 --> 00:18:33,594
Guys?
454
00:18:34,294 --> 00:18:36,799
Hey-- hey guys? I've-- I've
still got seven more verses!
455
00:18:36,799 --> 00:18:37,568
Where you goin'?
456
00:18:37,935 --> 00:18:39,939
Yeah, I actually uh, gotta go
pay the water bill, so.
457
00:18:39,939 --> 00:18:41,809
Whaaaa? What about freedom?
458
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:44,582
C'mon, stay here with me!
We can live off-the-grid.
459
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:48,924
No rules! No taxes!
No age of consent...
460
00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:51,763
Uh...
Yeah.. We're good, dude.
461
00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:55,469
Let's see how you like it
when someone comes to your house
462
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:58,509
and messes with your water!
[electric shock]!
463
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,881
What the hell are you doing?
464
00:19:00,881 --> 00:19:02,552
Oh hi Wanda!
465
00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:05,523
Just smashing your uh--
water line, heh.
466
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:06,726
My power's out!
467
00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:09,932
Yeah, I think I hit the
wrong one, heh...
468
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,472
Mom, why is it dark?
I'm trying to study.
469
00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:14,776
I know baby, I know,
one sec, okay--
470
00:19:14,776 --> 00:19:18,048
Grandpop can't breathe.
His machine's not working.
471
00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:20,319
Just-- just go get my hand crank
- Ooooh...
472
00:19:20,319 --> 00:19:21,822
And you go call 9-1-1.
473
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,162
Hey Mark.
How's the well?
474
00:19:25,296 --> 00:19:27,635
Yeah, I don't think I'm really
an “off the grid ” kind of guy
475
00:19:27,635 --> 00:19:30,574
if I'm bein' honest.
- Oh it's okay, don't give up.
476
00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:33,513
You got this... and uh,
you kinda need to,
477
00:19:33,513 --> 00:19:36,485
cause it might be a little
more than 5 to 7 business days.
478
00:19:36,485 --> 00:19:38,790
Ugh. So how long
are we talking here?
479
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:41,362
Uh...maybe never?
480
00:19:41,362 --> 00:19:44,334
Ah! No, Hank.
Go take your parasite medicine.
481
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:47,106
Okay.
- Oh...
482
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:49,444
Uh, yeah... Might need
a plan, C.
483
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:53,653
Hurry up, Mark.
484
00:19:53,853 --> 00:19:55,356
David's putting on his
running shoes.
485
00:19:55,356 --> 00:19:57,460
Hey, you're the one
who wants to take a bath.
486
00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,998
Oh my god. Wanda?
487
00:20:01,669 --> 00:20:05,376
Hey Wanda. Heh. I didn't think
you'd actually...Ya know.
488
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:06,745
Just doing my job.
489
00:20:06,745 --> 00:20:10,821
Well uh, thank you, and sorry
about the uh... ya know.
490
00:20:10,821 --> 00:20:11,889
Okay.
491
00:20:11,889 --> 00:20:14,260
Yo uh, ma'am, I just wanna
let you know, uh,
492
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:16,264
really appreciate the service
you provide, so...
493
00:20:16,264 --> 00:20:17,601
I don't care.
494
00:20:19,304 --> 00:20:20,841
Okay.
Your water's back on?
495
00:20:20,841 --> 00:20:23,378
Oh thank you so much!
- Hell yeah, you're the best.
496
00:20:23,378 --> 00:20:26,552
There's gonna be a $25
reactivation fee on your bill.
497
00:20:26,552 --> 00:20:28,556
25 bucks! Are you kidding me?
498
00:20:28,556 --> 00:20:31,027
That's ridiculous.
It took her like five seconds.
499
00:20:38,576 --> 00:20:42,049
Alright Stevie, looks like
it's just me and you again.
500
00:20:42,049 --> 00:20:45,623
Why don't you hop on the horse
teeth and play us the sad song?
501
00:20:46,425 --> 00:20:50,132
♪ That's another friend gone.
502
00:20:50,132 --> 00:20:52,003
♪ So it's just me and you.
503
00:20:52,003 --> 00:20:53,573
♪ But that's fine with me.
504
00:20:53,573 --> 00:20:55,810
♪ We've got plenty to do.
505
00:20:55,810 --> 00:21:01,221
♪ Couldn't be better friends
than you and meee. ♪
506
00:21:01,454 --> 00:21:04,227
♪ A pale freakish ghoul ♪
507
00:21:04,227 --> 00:21:07,433
♪ and a rat that can't see.
508
00:21:07,968 --> 00:21:09,303
Wait a moment...
509
00:21:09,705 --> 00:21:13,412
Ah, looks like our friends
left us a little gift.
510
00:21:13,947 --> 00:21:16,084
Pretty nice piece of machinery.
511
00:21:16,284 --> 00:21:18,789
Let's test this bad boy out,
huh?! Haha!
512
00:21:25,937 --> 00:21:26,939
Woah.
513
00:21:27,608 --> 00:21:30,045
Glantontown has really changed.
38990
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