Original subtitles

So, we're going to talk about the women.

Bitches and whores. Next question.

But all really great moms.

I kind of feel like Satan's, like, first wife.

Brynn is definitely the fun girl. Hi, I'm Brynn. Hi, I'm the chef here

She's married.

Oh, okay, never mind. I've never seen anyone weave flirting into everything

do. Don't hit on my dad tonight. I'm 100 % hitting on your dad tonight.

Brandon's taking the fun meter from here to here. Maybe I have a little crush.

Bottoms up, Jenna.

Me too. Okay.

Someone's grabbing my ass.

We look at magazines and we see Jenna and she's like, boss.

Bitch. She should probably light that and light the candles now. She's a very

unique person.

There we go. Okay, lady.

There are little quirks here and there.

Does she usually drink coffee?

Mm -hmm. It's a problem. Jenna's unapologetic for who she is. Oh, fine.

think there's a lot that we don't know about Jenna.

Would you like to have a threesome with me and my husband?

As you guys haven't had sex in a year and a half, I don't think I should be

entry point.

How's it looking?

It's so good.

Jekyll the publicist.

And she will remind you she is a publicist at all times. I joined Michael

and the first thing he said to me was, I need Last Look and Vogue. Jessa's a

good girl.

Are we part of a girl group? Clearly we are.

But sometimes Jessa will say things you're like, I've had a popsicle stuck

my... Is that Jessa just said that? Jessa, we'd like to see the freaky you.

you know my name?

I don't try to be glamp. It just happens.

Wait, Uba, can you take my photo real quick?

Yes.

Influencers in the wild.

There is a sexy sort of aloofness to Psy. Oh, my God, I can't hold it.

Psy on Instagram.

She is not a huge bitch. She could be a bitch, but not to me, so I love her.

Remember the model always has a short, rich boyfriend?

Psy's such a boss, and I think it has to do with her height. I got a hot model.

I'm rich.

She's here, you guys. It was here.

I mean, Erin is a true New Yorker. She's not from the city. Yeah. Like a

tourist. She's straight shooter. She's straightforward.

No. Erin's that friend that you laugh your ass off every time that you're

together. She's a straight off.

Okay, okay, okay.

We're so eclectic and different, but we have so much fun together.

Okay, silly face.

If you're looking for the real representation of New York, this is us.

It's a built -in family. We love you.

The secret ingredient?

Darling, it's me.

My lashes may be fake, but I definitely keep it real.

I'm a true New Yorker. The only bull I'll take is by the horn.

I always bring the flavor. It's not my fault you don't have any taste.

In New York, there's a lot of bad apples, but I'm the baddest of the

I love to laugh. They'll make me mad, and I'll date your dad.

Guys, we're about to have a play date, and Brynn is coming over, too.

Okay. And Jessel's coming over with the boys, okay?

All right. When they come over, I want everybody off their screen.

You want to come do these dishes?

I feel like I've got to put all the dishes away.

We don't want people to think that we don't do our dishes.

I represent Brooklyn all day.

I'm an around -the -way girl through and through. I always will be. I used to

hang out on Flatbush.

Washing sets and my doobies with the little, like, pins in them. Cups go in

here, right?

Do you live here?

Yeah. Just wondering.

Everything that I had growing up is so different for the family that I created

now. I would just, like, walk down tree -lined blocks in Brooklyn and look

through the homes and think, how do they live here?

There we go.

Sometimes I see people looking through my brownstone, and lo and behold, look

me now.

Oh, my God. Brenna's here.

Put this away.

I am the lady of the house. What are you? I'm casual.

I'm just casual.

Take your shoes off, Lou.

I do have another pair of house shoes if you want.

Do you have on socks or do you have on crusty feet?

Get out of here. I don't want to out people with the crusty feet. I consider

100 % be one of my best friends. I just like going to her house because it's

like, that's what I want.

She's living the life that I want.

It's perfect.

London, I have a little treatsy -poos for you in Rio.

Rio!

She's living my life.

Should I kill her and take her?

Like, it would almost turn into, like, a psychodrama of, like, hi, I'm Psy.

I want my present.

You want your present? Which one? This one? Are you too tired for it? No.

No? Treat!

you thank you how are you so much for coffee of course you look so beautiful

do you hi how do i do this i'm so much you gotta hop over yes yes yes i

had the craziest morning i like woke up i had celery juice every morning had my

coffee your son drank by accident i die i die the letter from the teacher

being like hi aaron uh elijah had a blowout diarrhea

And then I texted the group, and I'm like, this is what happens when you give

your kids celery juice.

I don't even touch celery juice. Now I'm, like, too used to it. I like to

my food. You know, I pay for it. Why the f*** do I need to go take it out really

quick? No way. I want to stay as full as possible.

Maybe have the champagne when Jocelyn gets here?

Yes.

She's going to need it.

Look,

guys, look.

Look. We're on a bridge.

Isn't that pretty?

This is your first time on the Brooklyn Bridge.

Do you even care?

Hello? I have two gorgeous twin boys.

Their names are Kai and Rio.

I like to say they're the human form of coffee.

They do not sit still for not one second.

Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, Kai. You can't leave the house. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Rio, you

ever give us a break?

This chair smells like puke. Two babies.

Give me that tequila bottle.

It's like a monumental piece of architecture.

Oh, my gosh.

Do you have a wet wipe? His nose is disgusting.

Oh, my God. This is called a stoop.

This is a Brooklyn stoop.

Hello.

Hi. Hi.

Come see the boys.

Hi, how are you? This is my mom's side. So nice to meet you.

Be gentle, Rio.

Brynn, you look so fabulous.

I met Simon Brynn in the fashion and publicity world.

Whose water is that?

Oh, are you drinking my water?

I was like, I hope this is water and nothing else.

Imagine if it was vodka.

Cy's the content creator. She's one of the most respected in the industry. I

will buy everything she posts.

This is chaos.

I totally forgot what it's like to have toddlers. Oh, my God.

Okay. Champs for all. Thank you.

All right, girls, let's take this party outside.

Let's leave the kids.

Five kids.

I'm like, my ovaries are flipping.

I'm, like, ready to get knocked up yesterday.

Jeff's kids.

I'm like, Brooklyn is so chic. Like, I know. It's like a vibe.

Can you believe this is, like, so warm outside?

What the hell?

So how's it going on? Did you see the other girls?

Um. You know how I feel. I know, I know. How you are with Brynn now?

I'm still a little bit salty about that night.

Coming up.

Damn, girl. Oh, damn you. Hi.

Do you want the quick tour?

What a pad.

Oh, my God. The infamous shoe closet. I know.

I'm still a little bit salty about that night.

I wouldn't care if other people had different plans, but it was like we

do something together.

So I made the effort to do something together.

The girls and I wanted to get together for dinner. It was a huge group.

Nothing was available.

It was last minute.

I mean, I would go with anyone.

to a local bar and be happy. I don't need to go to like a chic place all the

time. I don't care.

The restaurant used to be the hottest place in New York. It's easy to get to

it's convenient.

But Cy and Brynn ditched the group dinner. Then they posted on Instagram

they weren't Casa Cipriani. And it was hurtful. Like, I think it's just a very

obnoxious thing to do. Listen, we were with our husbands, me and Jusco. I get

it. They could just be like, listen, you guys go with the husbands. We're going

to go to Casa.

No big deal.

But they didn't. They were like, I'm so tired.

Jusco thought they went home, but they went to dinner.

That's just what bothered me.

I'm sorry that I kind of bailed on dinner.

She bailed with me. I didn't know how to say, like, I won't be caught dead.

Wait, it's not 2006?

No, it's not 2005.

Oh, it's 2005. And I'm not a D -list model.

Is it bad that I don't want to go to...

Like Olive Garden to me is like chiquer. Like the ones with the carpet. They

have good breadsticks. Good breadsticks?

They smell amazing. I'll go there. And it's fun. It's like high -low. But this

weird thing in the middle.

It's good for teenagers, I think.

I sound like drunk enough.

Or if I had guests in from out of town.

I'm from Florida. I can't. I didn't even do it back in the day.

Who cares where we are? It's the people. It's the people you wish. She just got

weird with me. And then Jethro told me at dinner the night that we went out

she had heard that they were talking about me. Like, that doesn't feel right.

So, fine.

I was very mean.

So, I was catching up with Erin.

Erin said that she's been distancing herself a little bit from Psy because

like, maybe rubbed her a little wrong or something.

My words, not hers, not her. The get -together.

Apparently... Like, I'm an awful human being.

Erin and I have similar friends. We have run in the same circle for a few years

now. But Erin is always arguing with someone or is mad at someone. So now

starting to seem like Erin is the common denominator here.

Supposedly, Cy was like, what's that?

About her charcuterie board.

Her charcuterie board. This is me interpreting Erin telling me the story,

She's like, you know, and Cy comes over, and Cy's like, what's that?

She's like, that's cheese. And then supposedly Cy goes, oh, you eat cheese?

And Aaron's like, is that not cool or chic or something? And supposedly Cy

that's weird.

Did I not have a mouthful of cheese with champagne?

I literally was saying that to you. And nuts and cheese?

For the record, I did not say cheese.

That's weird.

I know I didn't because I ate it. I remember eating the cheese more than

everyone else. Why would you just lie about that to me? Like, that's weird to

me. That's weird.

That is weird. That is weird.

So wait, how do you feel about Girls Night?

I'm actually excited to see everyone.

I think it's going to be interesting.

It's going to be fun.

We are an interesting group of girls. Yeah. You know, we're not boring. That's

for sure. If you can't handle this energy, stay home.

I don't know how this door keeps going up there, but the kids keep moving all

the furniture.

When you see fingerprints on tables and stuff, can you just clean it up? Because

it just accumulates.

Every time we see something, we clean just all. Then how come nothing looks

clean? My mom's visiting from London and helping out with the kids.

Well, even if it's clean, it's not clean to you. Yeah, it's not clean because,

look, there's, like, grease everywhere.

I mean, she's an angel, but I tell her something and she gets upset.

She's like, well, you do it yourself.

Okay, well, I would if I had 15 million hands, but I need you.

Maybe you should tell the kids to clean up after themselves. Yeah. You tell your

kids to clean up.

I moved here from London at 22 years old, fresh out of college, and I wanted

be in the fashion industry.

People ask me, well, London has fashion. Why wouldn't you stay in London?

Because London's not New York.

Are you planning on doing like this?

I was just planning on working.

Yeah, is there somewhere else you can work?

I guess I can go somewhere else, yeah. Okay.

Pavan and I have been married for seven years.

It was definitely not intentional. We became friends. We became best friends,

fact. Like, I knew every little thing about him, and I fixed it, and then I

married him.

Hi.

I love this.

Oh, damn.

This is pretty.

How are you?

You look incredible.

Hello. Hi.

Hi. You guys have met kind of a little bit. Hot minute. Yeah. I've heard many

nice things about you. Yeah. Not from her, by the way. Not from her.

Well, never. I mean, it takes a lot to, like, speak nicely about my husband. We

go at it a little bit. This is clearly going well.

This must be. Hi. Oh, it's my mom. Sorry.

So nice to meet you.

What I like the most about Jessel is, like, there's this innocence to her. It

seems very real. Like, she's not jaded.

Like me.

It's really fancy in here. Oh, my God. Yes. Please, help yourself to an Oreo.

Let me just open this. Can I ask a question?

Wait, how long have you been in here?

No, no, no. They get even longer.

Three years.

It's not just this way. It's not just this way. If there are sweets out, I

eat them. Cheese, ice cream, and coffee, which is basically my diet. I have a

sweet tooth.

I love how you guys are like best friends already.

Yeah. Look at this. I mean, my God. I mean, you did a nice job, but... Wait,

Jenna, how old do you think my mother is?

You're probably my age.

54, 55?

I love you.

How old are you?

I am 66.

What? The fashion industry is extremely small.

Jenna and I have rubbed shoulders several times, but you never really get

know someone personally when you're out and about socially.

And so I'm really excited to get to know her a little bit better.

Will you go check on the kids? Because I let them have it by themselves. And for

that, I can have some QT with my Jenna.

Oh, my goodness.

Your mom's house. Oh, thank you.

I'm so excited about Girls' Night Out.

Well, it's Girls' Night In. Girls' Night In.

We're doing a dress code. The one thing I used to do at J .Crew that was kind of

amazing is we'd have every Friday, we'd do a color or an idea or a theme. So it

would be like khaki and everyone would wear like all khaki, but people would

come in like sequins or feathers. I love that.

I started at J .Crew in 1990.

I was an assistant to an assistant and sat in the hallway.

I left J .Crew in 2017 and I was the president and executive creative

of J .Crew Group.

I wrote this thing about back from my Obama days in the early, like, doing,

like, all those outfits and stuff like that. We were always thinking about the

colors. There was so much hope with the Obamas. When she came out on the Jay

Leno show wearing head -to -toe J. Crew, like, I felt so proud.

Anytime someone wears something that you are a part of, it's validating. It

feels good. It's why I make clothes.

Like, it is really powerful.

I would love to wear it with you. I feel like it would have been so fun. Well,

ask people who worked for me.

Stop, bitch.

Wait, who's coming?

You're coming.

I know Uba's coming. I know Cy's back in town. And then Aaron. Oh, and Brynn's

coming, too. I feel like we haven't had a chance to, like, be together and have

a quiet night. So, quiet black tie night. You think it's going to be quiet?

Adjacent. Quiet adjacent.

Oh.

Cheese gate. I mean... Where was I? Do not have cheese at your party.

No, I'm only having cheese. It's going to ruffle so many freaking feathers.

Wait, are you kidding me? We're having cheese. I was going to have fondue.

then we should just all dress up as mice. I swear to God.

Coming up.

It's silly. Like, I love you all. Let's move on. So then let's go finish it.

What do you think I'm going to do? Go punch you in the face? Come.

How we looking?

We're doing good.

Good?

All right.

Shall I plate the beef?

Yes.

Erin, can I help you? Let me help you. Yes, you can. The kids were, like,

screaming and crying. I have them stressed out. I need to take a shot.

A shot of what? I don't know.

Something's wrong.

Most people would think raising three kids in New York City is crazy and I'm a

lunatic, but the trick to parenting is figuring out ways for your kids to leave

you alone.

That's why...

We buy a million toys, arts and crafts. Like, how do I get my kids to not talk

to me for a couple hours?

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

You look so pretty.

So much love.

So much love.

So much love. Hello.

Hi, Donnie. What's up, girl?

Hi, babe.

Hi, Uncle D .D. How are you?

What's up, girl?

Hi, Av. So much love.

So much love, Papa.

Love you.

How was Miami?

It was nice.

Cooking. I am born and raised in Manhattan, but just growing up in an

family, we cook a lot.

Here, eat over a plate.

Animal. My sister and I, we always joke. We hang out in kitchens and bathrooms.

Shabbat shalom. Shabbat shalom, guys. Love you. We are a very close family. We

literally talk maybe 10 times a day.

That would be really good. I know. It doesn't even burn. A little.

It's a whole thing.

Hey. Hi.

Happy birthday. Thank you.

How you doing?

I'll be better in a minute. Kids are driving me crazy.

All right, why don't you chill? Get a drink, relax.

All right.

That's a good idea.

When my husband and I got married, I was just shy of 25.

Even though we were young, like, we were both ready. A 25 -year -old New Yorker

is like a 35 -year -old, I don't know, Kentucky girl?

This is the time you're going to choose the coffee cup now.

Because it's red wine.

This is, like, comfortable. It has a hook that I can put my fingers in. It's

functional drinking vessel. Oh, my God.

I'm going to go make sure Melissa's good with the kids. She might have stuff in

the cab.

See you on the other side.

When I actually met Abe, I remember I slept over one night, and I, like,

something behind his headboard, and I found, like, multiple thongs.

Multiple. And I was like, what the f*** is this?

And he's like, what do you mean? Like, you know, I was a single guy for a

of years. Like, you know. So it actually made me feel better because I was also

doing a little bit of that.

Dad, don't watch that.

No. I don't like that.

Hi, babe.

Go say hi. Hi, sweetie.

Go say hi.

Laila. Laila.

Hi, my baby.

I have three kids, Levi, Laila, and Elijah.

So Dave and I were like such good friends that like to have sex. I mean,

I mean, that's why they have so many kids. Just keep having sex, you know?

You know how we've been planning our 10 -year wedding anniversary?

Anyway, December 14th, mark your calendars. We're having a big party.

14th? Yeah.

Oh, s***. What?

First, I want to tell you guys that I'm happy for both of you.

For me, the most important thing is to stick together.

Hi, bud.

I am

so

not a fan of them like parties. Oh, my God.

Brown.

No, too short.

Oh, my God.

P? Yeah?

Can you come in here for a second?

I don't even know. The theme is, like, black, cocky. Like, I don't even own

anything cocky. Can you help me? I'm going to put this... What is this?

What do you mean?

Where do your boobs go in this? I mean, this is the front.

Where's the rest of it?

Wifey!

Yeah?

Where are you?

In the bathroom.

Can I come in?

Isn't this your house?

Well... I don't know what you're doing.

Watching my face.

You going out?

Yeah, I know. Again, I'm so tired.

Trust me. Oh, look.

Do you think I should go out like this? I think you should go out just like

that. I married a raccoon. That's what happened.

David and I have been together for about 14 years.

He's genuinely the most supportive man I've ever been with. Is this me and the

kids tonight?

Yeah. Are you going to miss me?

I got to get this out of my head. I'm a digital content creator. When it comes

to work, I travel a lot. And there's no way I could do what I do career -wise if

it wasn't for my husband's support. My husband retired, and he's taking care of

our kids. So if I need to go somewhere, go.

So I found out that there was a little bit of drama between Aaron and Brynn.

Apparently, Brynn and Aaron were having lunch.

And Aaron said some stuff about me, how it went to her house.

And I basically insulted her cheese plate that she gave us. So Erin says

distanced herself from me because I have said these things. Because you're a

bitch about cheese.

You love cheese.

I didn't say it. That's the point. Wait, you just described me as the bizarrest

thing I've ever heard. It's just the silliest thing.

I can't think you should.

Let me see what the other girls are wearing.

Thank God.

Finally, got some real advice.

Hi.

Wait, have it here. Let me see.

He's helping me. Well, he's not helping me, I should say. I'm trying to help,

Erin. I'm trying to help. Hi, Puppet. I miss you.

I just don't know what to wear.

What is the vibe?

Help me.

Oh, my god. Help you? Help me.

I'm confused.

I'm supposed to wear khaki. What was it? Gold or black?

What was it? Khaki, gold, leopard?

Black, gold.

Metallic or khaki?

Khaki. Who wear khaki?

I know that everything Jenna does is very coordinated.

I thought she was, like, done with J .Crew. Why are we still doing khaki?

I'm thinking glass, too, just because I feel like it's something... Oh, I love

that you're drinking wine. Can you give me some wine?

Um... I was at Sy's the other day. Brynn was there, too.

Did you tell Brynn that Sy got upset about the fact that you served cheese or

something? Are you joking?

Yeah.

rude comments okay no that is so like obnoxious of bren and this is why this

like all what i've been saying to you about how i feel like for the whole

like she literally makes up bren and i definitely have an up and down

relationship we have the most fun together but i just feel like bren is

sir

never she like now is making bull up i was telling her that in passing as a

to go back and be like oh she said your cheese platter was bad like what the i

just want to face this lens and have you guys like hash it out i think you guys

can hash it out she can apologize and then we'll hash it out coming up

what It's your perfect porn. I'd like to watch a Jenna Lyons porn. It would be

so moody. Everyone gets taken care of. Line me up.

Bye. Want some more cheese?

Come on.

Really?

Oh, hi.

Are you okay? So are you okay to take him out for a little bit?

I just took him out, and he walked out.

It's for him.

Okay.

I would say I'm excited to have the girls over, but I'm nervous, truthfully.

You know, after leaving my job, to me, it was more important to spend time with

my son. I have joint custody, so I haven't really hosted people in my home

really long time.

Something with cheese. With a perfect conversation piece starter.

Or killer.

Yeah. We'll see. We'll see. Kind of a hot button issue.

I'm well aware that there has been some cheese tension.

Like, I love cheese pizza. Like, cheese is my friend. And it's my house. Can we

do a taste test? The fondue?

Mmm. Mmm?

Mm -hmm.

I'm going to touch more wine.

Okay.

Come here, boo -boo.

What's the matter?

Is there any more meat?

Yep. Eat, Papa. The more he eats, the less annoying he'll be.

All right.

Hi.

Oh, damn, girl. Oh, damn you. Hi.

I'm so sorry. I don't have anything.

Oh, I'm so happy you don't because I feel better that you don't. It was

It's fine. I have everything. I never come empty -handed. Don't worry. It's

okay. And you don't even have a coat.

Well, it's hot.

True. Jenna's a new friend. Most girls in this group think that Jenna Lyons

isn't. Total enigma. She does weird, like, quirky things. Like, she doesn't

dill, but she loves parsley.

She loves olives, but not the black one.

She's a little bit of an oddball.

Do you want the quick tour? We can do the quick tour. Yes, I do.

This is the living room and the kitchen. It's gorgeous.

I love a pink couch.

Oh, my God, the infamous shoe closet. I know.

Oh, my God, it looks so good.

Gorgeous. Thanks, babe. It's insane.

Like, I'm aware.

I worked in fashion for 27 years. Like, I collect them because they have meaning

to me. The last time I counted, it was 380 -something, and I've purchased since

then. But I've also given away.

But I've maybe bought more.

What a pad.

It's a pad.

It's a pad?

It's a pad.

What's the difference between an apartment and a pad? I'll tell you. A

you don't have small children.

As a real estate agent, I have to say, it's a very sexy apartment.

But it's got a flow that's funky.

I love it. And then it's like the closet is half the bedroom. And then also the

bedroom is half the apartment. It's not really useful to any other type of

person except for Jenna Lyons. I mean, who are you selling it to?

That's how I think.

That's the real estate in me.

Guess what we're having?

Cheese. And fondue.

I'll let you know how your cheese is.

I mean, honestly.

It would seem like it was an appropriate choice.

Yeah, she's platter. That's what people do.

It's not weird.

Wow. Oh, my God.

Hi. That's so pretty.

Hi. Thank you so much.

That's beautiful. Hi.

You look so pretty.

These are kind of cool. This is like a weapon, girl. Thank you. Now, you know,

may have to have a bitch tonight.

Hello. I literally thought like Jasmine Troops was at my house. This is like

khaki. It's khaki. Oh, you think I look like Jasmine Troops? You literally did.

No one else is wearing khaki. They're all wearing black.

Come on in. Hi.

Hi. Oh my God, you look so pretty. Everyone thinks of khaki as a chino.

a color. It's not.

khakis. Oh, thank you so much. Can I sit?

Yeah. Yeah, where the cheese is. You sit right in front of the cheese.

There's so much cheese at Jenna's house. It's everywhere. It's on the table.

It's fondue. It's regular cheese.

Is he going to be naughty and eat the cheese?

I don't think so. I think we've been trying to feed him, although he can

the fondue, and I think he's excited.

This looks amazing.

Hey, Erin, do you bring out your magnifying glass and watch me eat the

or is that weird?

Oh, is he trying to dig?

Oh, my God. You look gorgeous.

Hi, baby.

I'm so happy to meet you. Hi. Hi.

In the building.

Straight from Serengeti.

Yes, girl. You don't understand the color.

I was like brown, brown, gold, gold.

It was perfect.

Listen, I'm a model.

Only one place khaki is good if you're on safari. But it's Jenna's house, it's

Jenna's rules.

And I follow rules.

Is that like a bamboo, lemongrass thing? Is it ginger?

Hi. Where's Brynn? Wonder why she's late.

Wait, is something wrong here?

Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen her since that night.

Oh. Uh -huh. Two days later, she posted pictures of you guys at Casa Cipriani.

Yeah, she did. Did I look? She said she was going home, and she wound up with

you at Casa Cipriani.

Which wasn't cool of you either, by the way. You could just tell us that you're

going out. You're right. I did bail on you. Thank you. Totally accepting that.

Thank you. Totally bailed on you.

I also didn't really want to go to jail, so I'm totally bailed on you. Thank

you, Cy, for being real and honest. This is why I don't have a problem with you,

because you're just straightforward.

Brynn is not.

I'm turned off to her.

Not mad.

Why are you turned off to her? I think that's worse.

I have no interest in her right now.

Hi,

baby. You seem such a good boy.

Wait, is she here?

Oh, Brittany's here. Hello.

Hi, gorgeous.

Hello. You look beautiful.

How are you? Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me.

Hello, ladies.

Hi. You look beautiful.

You look amazing.

Look at that booty.

What is all this?

Would you like a ginger margarita or a wine? I would like a ginger margarita

because I've lost my voice.

What happened?

I just, you know.

Dreaming. No, not this one, but you can have this.

It's delicious.

Why are you so late?

Because I'm scared.

Wait, seriously?

Yeah. Are you really? No.

Well, I'm in trouble.

You didn't show up to dinner, girl.

She's not happy.

Yeah.

Bless me, Father. I'm literally so scared right now. Because I think Erin

a lot of things personally.

The only thing at this point that is comforting me is the fact that I don't

think that Aaron will commit any sort of crime or homicide in Jenna Lyons' home.

Hi, lovebug.

Hi. How are you?

Okay, how are you? Good.

Oh, hey, girl.

Like, I know when I'm about to get spanked.

You double?

Double trouble.

I am not going to get into it with Brandon immediately.

I'm going to give it some time. I'm going to eat some cheese.

And then I'm going to prep.

Oh, my God, that is so good.

Well, okay.

So here you go. Is this like a card about how much you love us? This is a

you guys. Is there cash in here?

Did she just give away cash at a party? The reason I'm introducing the game to

the group is that small talk is my kryptonite. Also, I don't know everyone

equally as well. So this game is like, this is my get out of jail free card.

I'll start.

Okay. If you could create your ideal pornography, what would it feature?

Oh.

This is a question for Uber. It would definitely be halal.

Halal porn?

Oh, eating halal as well.

What's your perfect porn?

I'd like to watch a Jenna Lyons porn. It would be so moody. It would all be in

black and white. In black and white. That's amazing.

Half the porn videos I watch are always about massage, like the massage that

goes too far. And that's always my thing.

Every time I get a massage, I'm like, maybe it's going to happen. I'm going to

pretend like I don't want it, but I do.

I'm like trying to put my butt up. They're like, ma 'am.

This is the fourth season. All right, Uba, you get to do the question. Okay,

Hart. Are you dominant?

Or submissive sexually.

Oh. Ooh. I like to be very submissive. I knew you were going to say that. I knew

it, too. I'm definitely a starfish.

Yep, this bitch is a starfish. In a dance floor, I'm not. In a bedroom, I'm

starfish, for sure.

I'm only submissive in bed.

You're submissive in bed?

Interesting. So interesting.

I'm not like that. I don't think I am. I mean, I am sometimes.

Like, sometimes I get on top.

It's like, it depends on the mood. Like, I don't think... I mean, even getting

on top, it's still kind of like, what do you want me to do?

No, I'm definitely leading. I see both of you being very dominant in bed.

But also, like, my husband doesn't get turned on unless I come.

Like, he doesn't want to come unless I am coming.

He won't. Like, he doesn't want to.

I am Venmoing you right now for every minute that you talk. I know. I'm saying

lot. Erin, when she drinks, she's me sober.

Maybe it's the having kids thing. Oh, God, don't tell me I don't have kids.

Well, it's totally different, because I don't sleep with men, so it's just

assumed. Everyone gets taken care of. Line me up. We both know what you're

doing, and it's easier to know how to do things.

Do you really all know what you're doing? Yes. P .S., I love girls, and I'm

having so much fun.

With a man and a woman, there isn't an assurance that both people are going to

finish, if you will. With a woman, you kind of understand how it works, and so

you're both there to make it happen,

Kind of amazing just knowing that that's how things are going to end.

Jessel, it's your floor.

Oof. These questions, Jenna Lyons. Come on, babe.

Okay. What are you a little addicted to?

Porn. Alcohol.

Shopping. Arguing. D all the above.

Shopping. I love a new thing. Shopping. I'm actually not addicted to any of

that. You're not addicted to anything?

None of that.

What are you addicted to? Gifts. Banana.

Banana? Are we talking about banana, banana? No, no. Serious banana. Like,

banana. She was eating today. First of all, let me give you a little background

culture. Here we go. Here we go. Banana, it's like, it should be the national

flag of Somalia. We love banana. I eat maybe five, six banana a day.

It constipates you.

You needed a banana that day. You had diarrhea.

Wait, diarrhea of the mouth or actual diarrhea?

No, you actually have diarrhea of the mouth.

Because I had a cheese platter and you decided to tell her a stupid, silly

story. That was an asshole move.

What was the asshole move? Serving cheese?

No, what you said about it. But I didn't say that. It wasn't true.

She was lying.

We're at Zero Bond. I was going to meet you actually at Casa. Oh, your favorite

place.

What's your problem with... It's not 2012.

It's not 2012?

Who the fuck cares where we go? We were trying to all be together. It doesn't

matter where we are.

But then you go to lunch with Cy and you start talking...

That's not cool. I didn't talk. I didn't actually talk.

You said she said she distanced herself from me because I went to her house. I

said something about the cheese. I said, is this all we're eating? And then

turned around and I insulted you and said, hmm, that's weird. Yeah, no,

still like pointing at us and say, what's this?

And then, Erin, you said you were like, it's cheese.

You never said that.

It's mind -boggling to me. These girls are fighting over cheese. But again,

we're in New York.

There's a lot of rats here.

You came in and you were like, what?

Oh, that cheese? That's weird.

None of this is true.

I would never say that she distanced myself because I served her a cheese

platter. I don't think it's literally.

And I actually, she and I spoke multiple times after that. This got me the

stupidest thing. I love cheese.

It is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You did say it. No, I didn't.

your embellishment. And I don't like it when people say that I didn't say.

We've gone a little past the point.

You guys, it's okay. Who in their right mind wants to drop the conversation

about sex and talk about cheese? Like, no.

It's silly. Like, I love you all. Let's move on. So then let's go finish it.

Because we don't want to bother everybody else.

Let's go talk.

Let's go finish this off.

She's very adamant about taking me back there and not doing to me what Abe does

to her, but having a different sort of way with me.

Blogging me is fun.

What do you think I'm going to do? Go punch you in the face?

I'm not afraid. I'm half Irish. I'm not afraid.

Where do we go?

Oh, my God. I'm exhausted.

I'm marching through the corridor of Jenna Lyons' house, marching to my

Okay, this just makes everything better.

Wait, focus, focus. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to

die. Wait, it's already so pretty. Oh, what is that? Look at the crown molding.

Oh, my God.

Should we sit here? Yes, my love was.

There's titties on the pillow. I love it so much.

You get distracted, but I was trying to also focus on my depth. But at the same

time, I'm like, maybe this is how I go.

And it makes sense, you know?

I can't talk about cheese for another second. Yeah, you're right. What are we

still talking about? We were just talking about the cheese. We're moving

Where's the orange? You're fine. It's Cheese Gate in the back. Either they're

making out or we can't.

About the cheese. I honestly. I eat cheese.

Am I blowing it? I don't care about the cheese. I'm gassing right now. I am. I'm

sorry. I'm sorry. I might fart in here. I feel bad. I'm sorry.

But I like cheese.

I am offended.

Not by the cheese. I don't give a. I wasn't like mad.

No, you weren't mad. Exactly. In actuality, I don't think there's any

that. Okay. The issue though that I have with you that I'd like to like finish.

I don't like the wishy -washy thing.

Agreed. I felt like you decided who you were going to align yourself with.

And then you got weird with me. And you did. You know it. Yeah, 100%. But she

said distinctively, like, I never said that. I didn't say that. I walked in and

I ate all of her cheese. You know, and she's very definitive. So I just, like,

subscribed to that. I was like, oh. You subscribed. Yeah. But just don't take it

personally. But that's how you made it. And that's how I felt. That was weird.

Yes. I feel like we can never say that's weird again ever again.

Let's move on from it. Give me a hug. I'm realizing that it's not about the

restaurant. It's not about the reservation.

It was about wanting to spend quality time together and not caring about the

other things. And that I understand.

Should we go pick on Cy?

You're the problem.

It's hard to stay mad at Brynn. She's fun.

She's sweet.

She's bubbly. She makes it light enough that you kind of forget. Should we walk

out? Wait, let's get different shoes. Wait, wait. Hold on. Let's get shoes.

Yeah. I hope she's my cup. This is like my wet drink.

This is probably like... This is a very hard dress for me. This is probably a

$10 ,000 dress.

Say, say.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just broke it.

I could leave you right now and go over it so hard.

I am a true friend. Did I break her midget chair? Oh, my God.

It's probably like a null $20 ,000 chair. Oh, my God.

Shh.

Oh, my God. It should be a working chair. Or at least put a sign on it.

Don't fall into it when trying on all my clothes.

You put the shoes on. I'm going to put a jacket on and let's see if she notices.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good idea.

Anyone who has seen that closet, what they're thinking is, I want to try this

on. We're not using her toothbrush. We're just putting on some shoes.

I'm done. Wait, why?

No. Stupid, I'm done. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Thank you so much for having us, but I can't. That

little bitch.

You guys are acting.

I cannot.

You're a poor factor.

I was, like, looking at what she's wearing, and I was like, is that from

Lyons Closet?

Did you guys go and rate Jenna Lyons Closet? Are you okay with this?

My God. You're ridiculous.

Careful, you might stick to each other. When I realized that they were wearing

my clothes, it's fine. But then I watched them start to go towards each

hug. Oh, wait,

wait. Oh, no.

She's going to kill us.

No.

Oh, my God. I'm just going to not watch.

Don't. Sequins and lace.

Do this. I'm more worried about the shirt that's Valentino, but it's okay.

Not good. Not good.

It's all fun and games when you got stuff. On top of it, like, Brynn has

shirt on backwards. Like, the zipper does not go on the front, my love. The

zipper goes in the back, not cheek.

Does anybody want cheese, or is that weird?

This season on The Real Housewives of New York City.

I love girls' night.

Hello. Going to the market, going to the bodega.

I want to look like a lion.

There's a lot of hair.

Not down there, up here.

$62 ,000?

Tom Cruise sent his kid here.

You could be rubbing shoulders with that.

Okay. Two truths and a lie. Did I ever tell you that I had sex with a senator?

Did you come out? Oh, no. That was done for me by the New York Post.

Once you're ready to get a divorce, I'm single.

And if you accuse me of flirting with a married man, it's going to really get

real. Why are you going to Vietnam?

Oh, I need some time to myself.

It's thigh bipolar, yes.

when you're talking to me.

Don't confuse being a bitch with being honest.

Have a good birthday, you.

Everybody likes being mad at me.

Happy birthday to you.

I thought we were dancing and having dinner.