Original subtitles

.

- How would you pronounce this patient's name?

- Um, Vin- ooh, Vin-

Vin- Vinibon- Vinbanny- Vin-

Vini-bone-kenn- no.

Vinvinabanakinalwich-

wow, that just keeps going, doesn't it?

- Well, I'll just call him Big V. He'll love that.

Wait a minute. Hold on.

He's unconscious.

That's nice.

- Guys, guys, I might need a little help here.

- God, Bruce. - Whoa!

- What happened? - I don't know.

- Sit, sit, sit.

- I think- I think I was attacked.

Someone just- - Bring him in.

- -came up from behind me,

and he hit me in the back of the head and knocked me down.

- Well, his head wound seems superficial.

Let's check him for a concussion just in case.

- I just don't understand how this could have happened.

- It's all right, Bruce. You're not the only one.

This has been happening more and more often.

- Yeah, but my reflexes are way above average.

Definitely above everyone here.

- OK, he seems fine to me.

- Unfortunately, there have been a lot of attacks lately-

patients who are unhappy with their results,

upset family members, or people who just

want to yell that day.

Fun fact, health care workers are

five times more likely to face violence in the workplace.

And there was a state bill to address this, but it failed.

On the bright side, they did pass a bill

to rename a bridge after Jeff Bridges.

So that's cute.

- Years of Aikido training, years.

- It's OK.

- No, it's not OK, Matt.

I wish he'd just finish the job and killed me.

- Bruce, don't say that. - And you, Matt.

Yeah. I wish he'd killed us both.

- I wasn't even there.

[upbeat music]

* *

- [exhales]

Hey, Joyce, do you have a minute?

- Sure. Why not?

I've only been on hold for 20 minutes.

Trying to get Sanderson into this Zoo Day Camp,

and it's just impossible.

- Isn't he, like, 50?

- Well, the website says eight and up.

He insists there's no age limit, so...

- OK.

Well, I don't know if you heard this,

but Bruce was attacked in the parking lot.

- What? Is he OK?

- He's OK.

Yeah, he's just a little shaken up.

- Lil Safari Day Camp, how can I help you?

- There's been an attack!

Jesus.

Do we know who did this? - That's the thing.

So I asked Leslie if he could check the security footage,

and he said that half those cameras don't even work.

- Oh, this is totally unacceptable.

- I know.

Listen, everyone is pretty freaked out,

and I think they're wondering what can be done

to prevent this from happening again.

- Hey, I hear you,

OK, and I am gonna do everything in my power

to make sure that my employees are safe.

- OK. Thank you.

- [growls] Mama Bear activated.

- Yeah, I- I think just, you know, more cameras or-

- Mama Bear committed to actionable change.

- Yeah, thank you so much for taking this seriously.

- Mama Bear out of hibernation and hungry for justice.

I gotta write this down. - Yeah.

- This is good stuff.

- We can't even walk across the parking lot

without getting attacked.

It's so messed up.

- Honestly, this is why I'm glad I take power Pilates.

- [snickers]

- What? I'm serious.

I have insane core strength.

- OK. So what?

Oh, look, he's got a knife. Quick, plank.

- I'm just saying I can defend myself.

- Yeah, unless, you know, it's a man.

- OK, sexist much?

- I'm not sexist.

I'm just taking into account body mass,

and on average, men are larger than women.

Don't blame me. Blame evolution.

- I don't think I can kick every guy's ass,

but I could definitely take on someone

who's kind of old, kind of slow,

maybe whose body is mostly made of taquitos.

- You think you could take me?

Come on.

I'm not even- that's cute.

That is cute. [laughs]

- Ron has no idea what I'm capable of.

I'm strong, agile, got quick feet.

Oh, also, I bite, like, right away.

- You know, Joyce said you could leave

if you need to process the trauma.

- Oh, can I go process in a safe space?

- [chuckles] Yeah.

I think that'd be the perfect kind of space.

- I was mocking you, man.

Bruce Schweitz doesn't do trauma.

I mean, I do trauma, you know, like, job wise, you know.

I mean, in surgery obviously.

Matt, come on.

- Man, I wonder who it was.

Oh, maybe that boat accident guy.

He seemed pretty mad when he left.

- He did? Why? I saved his leg.

- Yeah, but he was annoyed about the recovery time.

- Well, yeah, but that's not my fault.

- Yeah, but sometimes patients get mad

and they're looking for someone to take it out on.

And, you know, you're a pretty easy target.

- Right, a target. - Yeah.

They can turn on us and just snap.

- Mm.

- Oh, man, is that a balloon?

Look at that.

Someone must have just let it go.

Just floating out there. Wow.

Congrats, Brad.

Wonder what Brad did.

- Please let me know if Nurse Serena's hurting you.

She's a bit of a wrecking ball.

- OK, what I said isn't that crazy.

- I've treated abscesses larger than you.

Not- not this one. This is a normal size.

- I'm small, but I'm scrappy.

Trust me. I could do some damage.

- You might get a good kick in with your Lululemon pants on,

but I think it's obvious who has

the advantage in this fight, OK?

So if I were Justin, yah!

[back pops]

- Did you just throw out your back?

- No.

- Are you sure?

I feel like I heard a pop.

- I heard it. There was a pop.

- No, there was no pop.

That was my shoes.

Can you finish up here please?

No, I did not throw out my back.

I thought it was inappropriate when I pretended

to attack Serena, so I stopped abruptly,

'cause I'm a feminist.

- So apparently, we only have five outside cameras.

Two of them are broken, and one of them

is pointing down at the ground, because a bird sat on it.

I sure wish someone would have brought that to my attention.

- I did.

- Well, not just verbally, but also via email.

- I did.

- Regardless, it's time to get serious.

So Leslie is pricing out some security upgrades for us.

We're talking fencing, extra guards,

floodlights, you name it.

We cannot put a price on the safety of our people.

- Well, give or take, it's going to be about $200,000.

- [bleep] you.

I'm sorry. Not you.

I just mean like the economy, like,

oh, eff you, price of goods.

We can't do that.

.

- Now I'm going to say something very controversial.

I hate violence.

I hate it.

But do you know what I hate even more?

- Racism. - No.

I mean, obviously, yes, but no.

Taking the easy way out.

Now here I was about to throw money at a problem

without truly fixing it.

Security cameras can fail.

Lights can go out.

Guards can be bribed to join the bad guys.

- What the heck? That's not true.

- So you're saying if an attacker gave you

a billion dollars to hurt me, you wouldn't do it?

- I'd attack you for a billion dollars.

- Thank you, Serena. - I'll do it for a million.

- OK, it's not an auction, Brandon.

Point is, I'm going to teach you all

how to defend yourselves so that you're not only safe

at work, but everywhere.

- OK, but you are getting those extra security measures

in addition to this, right?

- Mm, that is a great question.

And I have time for one more.

Anyone?

There is no money in the budget to update our security

right now, but I am not going to let that stop me

from helping my people today.

I bought a self-defense book,

and I'm going to pass on a few tips.

It's not going to be here until Friday,

but I was able to preview the first three pages

and learn a few things such as,

this book is dedicated to Cheryl, to Cheryl.

"Rest in peace, my sweet angel."

OK, so hopefully these tips

are going to be better than the ones Cheryl used.

When you're walking to your cars,

put your keys in between your knuckles.

Boom, homemade weapon.

All right, someone attacks you,

keys to the eyes, keys to the groin.

If your attacker is a female,

keys to the cooch will really do some damage.

- I just have a key fob.

- Well, a fob to the cooch is no vacation either.

All right? Oh, another thing.

This is something my mother taught me,

and I've used it hundreds of times.

If you think you're being followed,

pick your nose and eat it.

[all murmuring] Yeah, I know,

but no one will attack you

if they think you are a disgusting self-snacker.

- I'm sorry.

Did you say you've done that hundreds of times?

That is horrifying.

- Come on, Alex, stop virtue signaling.

Jesus. Oh, here's a good one.

Have a phone conversation like this.

Oh, hello, Jerry.

Yes, I have the guns with me.

Oh, and I've just tested positive

for the latest strain of COVID-19.

They'll think you're the dangerous one.

- I've been mugged nine times,

so hopefully this stuff will help.

The police say it's a record.

- I heard that if you're being attacked,

you should yell fire instead help,

because people are way more likely to run towards a fire.

- Why would you run towards a fire?

- Because firemen are hot.

- What if your attacker is a fireman?

- OK.

- OK, it feels like we're losing the thread here.

- Firemen, America's heroes, I don't think so.

No way.

- Actually, Ron was showing me

a pretty impressive move this morning.

Did you want to show everyone? - No, I'm good.

- Oh, Ron, get up here. - I don't- I don't-

- No, come on. This is about safety.

- No, no, no, it's- - It's about saving lives.

Come on. Don't be shy.

- It's private!

- Sorry, Joyce, is your whole plan

just to tell us how to gross out attackers?

- No. [laughs]

I'm going to show you, OK, with- with some role play.

So I'm going to need a volunteer.

Keith, you look like a creeper. Get up here.

[clapping] Let's hear it for our volunteer.

- Mr. Feldman- came in with abdominal pain,

and we gave him an ultrasound.

- Mm, looks like kidney stones trapped in the ureter.

Yeah, he's definitely gonna need surgery.

- Ooh. He's not gonna like that.

- No, he will not.

Whoa. Wow.

Big boy. [chuckling]

- What?

- Nah, just- yeah, good for you.

I think it's great. Muscle man.

So, Mr. Feldman, yeah, your results are back,

and mostly everything looks normal.

But, yeah, we are going to have to, you know.

- Why would I know? You're the doctor.

- Well, you're- you're just- you're gonna have to-

Matt, why don't you take it from here?

- Oh, sure.

So, unfortunately, we will have to perform surgery

to remove your kidney stones.

- I gotta have surgery for this?

- Yeah, Matt. What? Come on.

It's just a kidney stone.

What, can't you give him a pill or something?

- I don't think so, but I'm not sure.

- Well, you know, what does it say on your chart?

At the bottom right corner under my signature.

Just read it. - Oh. Yeah.

Surgery required to remove solid mass.

- Ahhh, come on.

- Are you kidding? I don't have time for surgery.

- Damn it, Matt. What are you doing to this man?

Oh, Matt Pearson.

Well, if you have any other questions or concerns,

Matt Pearson here will take care of them.

Matt Pearson. - Nice.

You know, a lot of people suffer from PTSD

after a violent attack, but not Bruce.

He's actually mentoring me and getting my name out there.

Matt Pearson.

- So you're tied up in the back of Keith's van, right,

and he's about to do something really sick and twisted.

- Sorry, guys.

I don't know why I would do this.

- Hey, Joyce-

- You remember how I told you to ask him for Mentos and Coke

in the beginning?

Well, now's the time to put them together.

OK, you start foaming at the mouth.

Keith comes by to check on you.

He doesn't want you dead, not yet,

and you go- [growls] And bite his ear off.

- Ewww, I don't want to eat Keith's ear.

- Well, it's either that, or you become his next skin suit.

- Oh, boy. Yeah, you better eat my ear.

- This is ridiculous.

I'm sorry, but I don't think eating Keith's ear

or picking our noses is gonna solve a national crisis.

We should be organizing and writing our congressmen.

- And who's our congressmen?

- You know I don't know that. And it's beside the point.

- I think Alex is right.

We need to get our stories out there.

- Exactly.

Get the public's attention so real change can happen.

That'd be much better than these silly tips.

- Oh, well, I'm sorry if you think my tips are silly,

but we'll see what happens when a psych patient

tries to French kiss you in the middle of the night.

You're gonna be picking those boogies

and eating them till the cows come home.

- I'm not gonna be eating my boogers, Joyce.

- Eat it.

Eat it. Eat it.

- Grow up.

[together] Eat it.

Eat it.

Eat it.

Eat it.

Eat it.

Eat it. Eat it.

- I was wrong. This is all extremely helpful.

.

- Bruce, you doing OK? - What?

Scared. Why?

Because of what happened earlier?

[chuckles] No, no, not scared at all.

I don't even know why you'd ask that.

- Hey, Bruce. - Ahh!

- Ooh!

- Oh.

- [groaning]

[PA chimes]

- Dr. Leonard to zone A. Dr. Leonard to zone A stat.

- [groans]

[PA chimes]

- Sorry, I meant zone B. Dr. Leonard to zone B.

- [groaning]

[PA chimes]

- Oops, my mistake.

I was right the first time.

It's zone A, Dr. Leonard to zone A.

- Son of a-

come on, man.

OK, ma'am, we're going to take a quick trip to zone A.

- I'm- but I'm waiting for my son.

- Oh, he's a good boy. He'll find you.

- Tell the reporter that it's causing

way more pressure and anxiety for us.

- Oh, and tell them about the time Dakota got pushed.

It was funny but not OK.

- Yeah. - What's happening?

Who's telling what?

- Channel 3.

I reached out to their investigative team.

- Excuse me?

- Yeah, I told them what happened to Bruce,

and they're coming to do a story about attacks

on health care workers.

- Carl Justice is coming here? "Carl on the Case"?

He's gonna make this place look terrible.

Every business he reports on shuts down.

He even closed down that all-night massage parlor.

And Sanderson loved that place.

- I cannot believe that you're thinking about

bad publicity and not what's best

for the staff right now.

- No, I just mean-

he doesn't have context, our limitations.

He's gonna make it seem like this is a place

where bad things happen.

- A bad thing did happen, Joyce.

I'm trying to make sure it doesn't happen again.

If you won't be the mama bear, I will.

[growls] Mama Bear's-

[normal voice] I'm not gonna do the voice though.

- What can I do? We don't have the money.

I wish we did.

I'd buy new floodlights, new security cameras.

I'd buy every nurse a gun.

That is my dream for the future.

Of course I want to keep my people safe.

That's- that's the most important thing.

- Well, firstly, no broken ribs, so all good.

And second thing, don't sneak up on people, you nut.

- Gotcha. Sorry.

Are you sure this doesn't have anything to do with the attack,

like, maybe it's affecting you more than you think?

- Oh, yeah. You got me, Matt.

All day long, I've just been churning

about what's happened to me.

[laughs] Everyone's a threat.

What?

Is that what you think?

- Uh, I don't know.

- I don't think I can do this anymore.

All right?

And my self-worth is in this job, so if I don't have this,

I don't have anything.

I'm scared, Matt. Help me.

- Wow. - I'm kidding!

That's what you're saying.

That's literally what you just said.

[both chuckling]

- Guess I was wrong.

Classic, Matt.

Overthinking things.

There's a part of me that's like, ah, he's in denial.

Ah!

But that's just something I need to work on.

- OK, now press 7.

7, Libby, 7.

You pressed 6.

OK, third time is a charm.

- Yo, yo, Alex.

So I went across the street to the 7-Eleven

to see if their cameras caught any of the attack.

And they did.

- That's great. We can use that.

Maybe we'll actually catch the guy.

- You might want to check it out first.

OK, there's Bruce.

[laughs]

It's a goose.

He got hit by a freaking goose, bro.

- Oh, [bleep].

- I know, right? Hey, check it out.

It's funny if you play it backwards, too.

[laughs]

.

- No need to be nervous.

Just answer my questions honestly.

It's easy. - Yep.

I will answer honestly,

and that will be easy.

- OK, 3, 2, 1.

Terror at St. Denis.

I'm here with Alex Mazurkian,

a nurse who called to tell us about a vicious attack

on a surgeon here.

Alex, what happened?

- Yes, one of our doctors was...attacked?

Yes. Yeah.

That is- yeah, that's the word I would use, attacked.

- By a former patient.

- Uh, well, you know, that's not for me to say,

so, you know, I'd better not say.

[chuckles]

- But that is what you said when- when you called in, so-

- I did.

That was a phone call, and I think we all know, you know,

how the game of telephone works

where you start out and you're like, pizza is good.

And then by the end, it's like, you know,

Jenny hooked up with Robert in the bathroom

and lives are ruined.

- I'm sorry, what- what are we talking about?

- That's a good question.

I think what we should be talking about is this.

Violence against health care workers

is on the rise nationwide.

In fact, at this hospital just this year-

- Yeah, yeah, look, that's great, but- but-

that's terrible, definitely,

but just to clarify, you did say you believe

that this attacker was a former patient?

- What I believe is that

this attack happened in the parking lot

of our hospital.

So, you know, you do the math.

- I'm sorry. I feel like you're-

like you're dodging our questions.

- I'm just- I don't want to speculate, you know.

I feel like speculating- - Oh, I'll speculate.

- Oh, God.

- Let me give it to you straight, Carl.

A crazed patient attacked one of our star surgeons

in the parking lot.

We need to find this man and lock him up.

- It's OK, you really don't need to do this.

- No, I do need, Alex. I do need.

- Do you work at the hospital?

Dr. Joyce Henderson, executive director,

truth-teller, protector.

And I would just like to tell the world that a coward

clocked Dr. Schweitz in the back of the head

just because he works in the medical profession.

Would I call it a hate crime?

100%.

- [groans]

- Ron, come on, let me get that.

- I am fine.

I am a grown man.

Ahh!

[exhales]

- Gotta give it to Ron.

His body might be weak, but his ego is strong.

Never heard a grown man make that sound before.

It was haunting.

- No, he fled the scene, and he's just out there right now,

probably sitting in his easy chair

watching this and laughing or touching himself.

Who knows with these weirdos?

- Again, we're not live. - OK.

- I think we should focus on the broader issue.

Because, you know, this one random incident

is not the point.

- No, it is the point, Alex.

I believe that this random attack

from a perverted former patient is a clear example

of the violence that health care workers

face on a daily basis.

Now, I would like to address the assailant personally.

How dare you?

- It was a goose.

[laughs] Yeah, it wasn't a patient.

It wasn't even a human being. No, it was a goose.

- I'm sorry, what? What was- what was a goose?

- I was sucker punched by some dumb bird.

Yeah, no one's out to get me.

- Oh, so- so you were not attacked

because you're a doctor?

- I mean, that's a question for the goose, Carl.

- I'm sorry, I'm just trying to play catch-up here.

Are you saying the goose was working with the pervert?

- What? No, no, no.

Here's your story, Carl Justice.

A pack of lawless geese terrorizes Merrick.

Can we band together-

- OK, I feel like we got what we need.

- No, sorry, can I just- real quick.

I understand that in this particular instance,

Bruce was attacked by a goose.

However, across the nation,

health care workers are being threatened and assaulted even.

But despite the risks, they still show up every single da-

Yeah, they're not gonna run the story.

Also, I'm not allowed to call the Justice Hotline anymore.

- Pretty long walk to the car. You want any help?

- No.

But if you want, I'll walk you to your car,

you know, for safety.

- All right, sure.

- [groans]

You know what might make even more sense

is if we walk to my car

and then I give you a ride to your car.

- Yeah, that makes sense.

- Well, when we get to my car,

you may have to swing my legs in.

- I'm not doing that. - Fair enough.

- Must be a relief. - Oh, yeah.

Just a random flyby from a bird

that could come from any direction at any time-

- Yeah. - Completely unprovoked.

[goose honking]

Run!

- How's that?

- Still two degrees to the left.

- Two degrees?

- Left.

Left, Leslie. Make an L with your hands.

- Wildlife attacks against my employees are unacceptable.

I have always believed that.

And Mama Bear will do anything to protect her people.

[air horn blaring]

Oh, no.

Oh, they like it.

They're coming back. [bleep].

[air horn blares]

[geese squawking]

[air horn blares]

[bell clangs]

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