Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up -- what's got Joe hitting the bottle?

[ Laughter ]

Why is Murr having a brief encounter?

[ Laughter ]

And which losing joker will be caught in a cat fight

in tonight's big punishment?

[ Cat meows ]

[ Laughter ]

Sal: Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

[ Laughter ]

Murr: I want my mommy!

[ Laughter ]

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

[ Laughter ]

Today, we are posing as trainees

in Organic Avenue in Chelsea.

While learning the job,

we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.

At the end of the training session,

we'll have the trainer rank us on a scale of 1 to 10.

Whoever gets the lowest ranking loses.

Joe: You want to give them a minute?

This is James. Hi.

James, this is Melissa.

None of the employees know that we are working here today.

Only the manager knows. She's in on it.

She's gonna help us out.

I'm gonna be in back, okay?

Gotcha. Thank you.

All right, Murr, good luck on your new job.

This is exciting.

My first day -- I'm very excited.

Q: Somebody's walking in.

Murr, tell them you're closed for training, buddy.

I'm sorry, we're closed for training.

[ Laughter ]

We're closed for training. I'm sorry.

We're closed for training. I'm training. I'm new.

We're closed. I'm sorry.

♪

Thank you.

[ Laughter ]

Should I do that, too?

I guess. [ Both laugh ]

I don't know. Okay.

Did you take the subway, too?

Did you take the subway, too?

Yeah, I did. You did.

I should wash my mouth, then, too.

So, I sho--

I should really wash my mouth, too.

Hold on.

[ Laughter ]

Okay. This is organic?

This is organic? Yes.

I got to bring this home to my wife.

This is great.

I have to -- I have to bring this home to my wife.

She says I never bring her to an organic.

She -- she s--

[ Laughter ]

My wife says I never bring her to --

Look at him, he's losing it out there. What's the matter with you?

My wife says I never bring her to an organic.

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, so let's say a customer walks in.

Let's say, for example, a customer walks in, all right?

Play out what a customer would do.

So, a customer walks in --

you know, let's say he's got, like, a moustache.

And he comes up to me and he's, like...

"What's the best for me?"

[ Deep voice ] "Hey, what's the best tea for me?"

[ Laughter ]

[ Normal voice ] And I'm like, "Well, sir, we have many options.

The most popular one is the Green Energy."

Go over and do his wife.

His wife is here, and she's like,

[High-pitched voice] "But I don't like bananas."

[ Laughter ]

Make him get in a fight about how he doesn't know her.

She's like, "I can't believe you thought

I would like bananas."

[ Deep voice ] "Well [bleep]damn it, bitch!"

[ Laughter ] [ High-pitched voice] "But come on,

you promise me an organic, Roger."

[ Deep voice ] He's like, "Oh, she got me there."

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

What are the different settings for? So...

Scream when she turns it on.

The screen... [ Yells ]

[ Laughter ]

Sorry, I just have PTSD.

I have to apologize. I have a little bit of, like, PTSD.

From the time I -- I was in a blender.

[ Laughter ]

From the time I --

from the time I was in a blender.

Oh. Yeah.

Wow. I'm sorry.

[ Laughter ]

Uh-oh, quick piss.

Uh-oh, quick piss.

[ Laughter ]

♪

Now we're gonna send in the manager to ask how Murr did.

How's it going? So, how's he doing?

Like, 1 to 10.

That's amazing.

Still too good. I'll take it.

I'll take it.

You got to be kidding.

So, what we're gonna make today is a Green Protein.

Good. I'm excited for this job.

Sal, have a stupid face when you concentrate on something.

[ Laughter ]

So, like...

♪

Look at his face.

[ Laughter ]

Am I doing it right?

Yeah, yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Blueberries, strawberries, bananas.

Okay. All right.

Toss it in.

Concentrate, concentrate. Concentrate. Look at him.

♪

[ Laughter ]

Look -- look at him, look at him.

[ Laughter ]

So, you want me to pour this into the bowl?

Yeah. Okay.

Look at him.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, how you doing, sir?

Welcome to Organic Market. If you eat meat, get the [bleep] out.

Welcome to Organic Market.

If you eat beef, get the [bleep] out.

[ Laughter ]

Shoot the look, shoot the look.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, hi.

You're from the building?

Yeah. Oh, okay.

[ Laughter ]

That's the landlord.

[ Laughter ]

Now we're gonna make a bowl. Q: Quick question --

how do you know who's an employee and who's a customer?

How do you...

[ Laughter ]

...discern who's an employee and who's a customer?

Oh, the uniform.

Yeah. Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, the next thing I was gonna train you on was the register.

So, we have a bit where we're working behind the counter

and somebody comes in and throws water in your face.

This is not that bit. But we're gonna do it anyway.

Watch what you're doing.

[ Laughter ]

This is not that bit. [ Laughter ]

Joe: Have the face as you're going to get the mop.

[ Laughter ]

Keep it together, keep it together!

♪

[ Laughter ]

Here we go, here we go.

So, how you doing? Let's see what he got.

Scale of 1 to 10.

♪

[ Laughter ]

3.

Q: A three.

[ Laughter ]

What do you think's the most important...

So, you worked at the other location?

So, you worked at the Bleecker location,

the other one?

What's their security system like there?

They got cameras?

Over in that one, what's the, uh --

what's, like, the security system like over there?

They have cameras?

They do. They do.

[ Laughter ]

Always. Always gloves.

Gloves, yes.

Right, you don't want to leave prints.

Yeah. You don't want germs,

you don't want to leave prints, nothing like that.

[ Laughter ] Sal: Do you think the security codes

are the same between both stores?

Like, the codes and everything like that -- the same thing --

they're all the same in all the stores, right?

Yeah. We'll find out.

I guess we'll f--

[ Laughter ]

I guess we'll find out.

[ Laughter ]

On average, how much cash is there in the drawer

at the end of the night?

On average... [ Laughter ]

...how much cash is there in the drawer

at the end of the night?

I'm just gonna shoot you straight --

I'm looking to rob this place blind.

[ Laughter ]

I'm just gonna shoot you straight --

I'm looking to rob this place blind.

[ Laughter ]

Sal: She doesn't know what to make of it.

So, these are the juices.

Q: Got it. They're right over here.

Could you just show me, like, what...

Like, if people ask,

I don't even know what's over here.

That's -- that's --

Brussels sprouts and [bleep]-take pecan?

Joe: Shitake!

Murr: Shitake.

That was actually Q reading that.

It's shitake! It's shitake mushrooms.

Oh, man, I never had [bleep]-take before.

It looks all right.

Speaking of [bleep]-take, I'll be right back.

[ Laughter ]

Speaking of [bleep]-take, I'll be right back.

[ Laughter ]

Pop out disheveled.

Help. Help.

[ Laughter ]

How's it going?

Like, on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you say?

6! 6!

Yeah! [ Laughter ]

So, now which one are we making, the...

Green Energy smoothie.

Drink the coconut water. [ Laughs ]

That smells good.

♪

Murr: Take another one.

You can't stop.

You're addicted. You're addicted.

Do it again.

♪

[ Laughter ]

It's delicious.

He's now ruined two full bottles of milk.

See, it says 12 ounces, specifically... Got it.

...it'll say half a scoop of which fruit specifically to...

Cool, cool. [ Laughter ]

Don't drink.

The hardest thing for me to remember is,

don't drink directly from the bottle.

♪

You need another taste of that sweet nectar.

♪

How's that?

Good?

[ Laughter ]

That's better.

That tastes better.

[ Laughter ]

Get your cup ready. Get my cup ready.

Q: Joe, you've never seen a cup sleeve before.

[ Laughter ]

Let go.

I got it. I know.

I'm just doing it on my own,

'cause I have to learn.

[ Laughter ]

I'm just trying to make sure it's in.

[ Laughter ]

So, I just take this out? You open it.

Sal: Do a trick and say,

"I feel like Tom Cruise in 'Cocktail.'"

Whoo, see that? [ Laughs ]

Oh, you don't want to spill?

I won't spill. I'm good like that.

I'm Tom Cruise in "Cocktail."

I hope Gina Gershon parks her ass

at the end of the counter and I get to [bleep] her.

♪

Hit me with that Gina Gershon.

[ Laughter ]

Say it!

Hopefully, Gina Gershon comes over here,

puts her ass down, and I get to [bleep] her.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: Joe, you got to drink a little more milk.

Here he goes. Here he goes.

♪

She's coming back. She's coming back.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh!

♪

You got to drink a little more milk.

Here he goes. Here he goes.

♪

She's coming back. She's coming back.

Oh, oh, oh.

Mm.

[ Laughter ]

I should go wash my hands, actually.

Sal: She keeps scolding him.

Murr: Look at her face.

She has had it, dealing with this guy.

She's in a catatonic state.

[ Laughter ]

All right, let's send in the manager.

What's going on?

You're getting a [bleep]ing...

Negative three.

From 1 to 10, how do you think he did?

A 5.

5! [ Laughter ]

You've got to be [bleep]ing me.

Narrator: Sal wasn't employee of the month,

but his photo will be displayed on the loser board.

Today, we'll have to get a stranger

to help us untangle these headphones

before a secret guest gets to us and rips our pants off

right in the middle of the mall.

What? Yep.

If the stranger gets your headphones untangled in time,

you're safe.

If they can't get them untangled in time,

your pants get ripped off right in the middle of the mall.

What?

It's a pants party. [ Laughs ]

Joe: So, Sal's put on

the trademarked "Impractical Jokers" breakaway pants.

Yes.

Dude, there's no way to get these things untangled.

Murr: Choose somebody carefully to untangle those.

Your pants are in their hands.

Or your pants are gonna be in someone's hands.

Excuse me, dude.

I need to untangle these things. I can't do it.

Do you feel like you can untangle them?

Thank you so much.

Here he comes.

Q: Here we go, here we go.

[ Laughter ]

It's Bully Ray. [ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Bully Ray is a legendary professional wrestler

who almost beat the crap out of Sal 15 years ago

in a parking lot at a wrestling event when Sal insulted him.

If you could just --

if you could just hurry up and get them untangled.

[ Laughter ] Bully Ray.

Okay, that's good.

No, don't give them back to me!

What is he doing?

Why are you giving them back to me?

Can someone untangle these?

[Bleep]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

Murr: Look at this guy -- He's got no pants on.

[ Buzzer, laughter ]

Murr: Q. Yeah?

Choose your ally very carefully.

Murr, there's no shot.

You just need, you know, someone that's dexterous.

Shut up.

Stop saying -- that's the third time you've said "dexterous."

It seems like the right fit.

He just wants everybody to know

that he knows the word "dexterous." I learned it.

Do you think you could take a shot at untangling these for me?

Oh, yeah? Cool. Thanks.

All right, let's do this.

Oh, my God, no. It's Tommy Dreamer.

[ Laughter ] Oh, man.

This guy banged me up a lot last time.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Laughter ]

You got them.

Oh, you're so close. Oh, man. Come on, please.

[ Laughter ] Oh, man, come on.

Dude, I thought we were friends.

I thought --

How you doing?

[ Laughter ]

Please don't hurt me again.

Please don't hurt me again.

[ Laughter ]

You weren't supposed to pull my [bleep] out, dude.

We're gonna get arrested.

Murr: Oh, my God.

That's what I was afraid of.

[ Laughter, buzzer ]

Dude, are you good with untangling these things?

I've been trying for like 10 minutes.

I have made no progress whatsoever.

Can you give me a hand?

And here we go. And...

Ready?

Go, go, go! Come on, come on, come on.

Sal: Here she comes.

[ Laughter ] We have Velvet Sky --

former TNA women's knockout champion, Velvet Sky.

Who's actually walking much more briskly

than the two of you did.

It's...

Q: She's walking too fast.

You boys ready for some hot girl-on-girl action?

[ Laughter ]

You get that end, I'll get this end.

Walk with me, walk with me, walk with me.

[ Laughter ]

Hi. Hi.

He's done. He's done.

Hi. No, no!

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

He's got women's underwear on.

Yeah, I wore my panties.

[ Laughter ]

Put your pants on. It's over.

[ Laughter ]

[ Buzzer ]

Guys, I got a problem.

Oh, they're all tangled.

What an issue. Excuse me.

Yeah, you, come here a second.

She's coming. She's coming.

He called her out of the store.

60, 70 feet away. Unbelievable.

Joe: This is what happened --

I had the red and the blue ones, and they got tangled.

You look like you're good with wires.

We downshifted a little bit.

Yeah, I've been doing some shop-- oh, God.

[ Laughter ]

Joe: Yeah, you, come here a second.

I had the red and the blue ones, and they got tangled.

You look like you're good with wires.

All right.

We downshifted a little bit.

Murr: Here comes Luke.

Yeah, I've been doing some shop-- oh, God.

Remember the challenge where we get people to watch our son?

That's Luke.

He's gunning it. He's gunning it.

Q: Cute little kid. He's gunning it, though.

Oh, you're close. Go ahead, you got it.

Keep to it -- oh, this little bastard.

Hey, buddy, how are you? How you doing, man?

How you doing, buddy? How's it going?

Go ahead.

Keep working, keep working.

[ Laughter ]

Go ahead, do it, come on! Put your heart into it.

Murr: This doesn't look right.

He's got --

Put your heart into it. Come on!

[ Laughter ]

Didn't get it. [ Buzzer ]

Narrator: No one could keep their pants on,

which means Sal is tonight's big loser.

Okay, here we go.

Joe, would you do the honors?

Okay, ready, bud? Here we go.

Okay, ready? One, two...

Q: Does this place look familiar at all?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Soak it in, buddy.

[ Laughter ]

Now, do you remember

when you dropped tarantulas on me, my friend?

We all did. [ Laughs ]

You seemed to enjoy it

just a little bit more than everybody else.

Don't come near.

No -- pumpernickel, pumpernickel.

Pumpernickel! Stop!

[ Laughing ] You're a grown man

screaming "pumpernickel" in a warehouse.

[ Laughter ]

Instead of covering you with tarantulas,

we're gonna cover you with kitty cats.

[ Laughter ] No, you're not.

Oh, yeah, we are.

Oh, yeah -- and don't worry, buddy.

If you start panicking, just say, "Whole wheat."

You just say, "Whole wheat."

It's a safe word, buddy.

Tarantulas cannot attack you like a cat can.

They can't attack you that swiftly.

They can't bite you, they can't scratch you.

Of course they can bite you!

Knock, knock.

Who's there? Catnip.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, I do not like this.

[ Breathes deeply ]

♪

Q: Let's get this started.

Sal: And the punishment begins...

All: ...now.

Okay, let's bring them in.

What is that?

[ Eerie music plays ]

Murr: There they are.

[ Laughter ]

Oh -- what the [bleep] is that?

Q: Those are five-week old kittens, buddy.

Aww, they're adorable.

Oh, God, that looks like it was...

[ Laughter ]

Oh, it's meowing.

[ Laughter ]

One more! Bring him one more!

Murr: One more cat.

[Bleep] face off.

[ Laughter ]

There you go, buddy. You survived phase one.

All right, let's take out the kittens.

Bring in the next phase of life.

Phase of life?

There's one other phase -- kittens, cats.

[ Laughter ] Here we go, bud.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, wait!

[ Cat meows ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Murr: Here we go, bud.

[ Music continues ]

[ Laughter ] Oh, my God.

Joe: Those are cats!

Guys, I can't do it.

Wait, wait, before you do it -- wait, wait, wait!

Wait. Please -- whole wheat, please.

Before you do it, can you just tell them -- guys.

Oh, my God.

He's scared of kittens.

Here's cat number one.

[ Cat meows ]

[ Laughter ]

There's another one.

Two cats! [ Laughter ]

Can they sense my fear?

[ Laughter ]

Oh.

[ Laughter ]

You looked less scared when there was a tarantula on you.

I know. This is crazy.

Oh, my [bleep]

[ Laughter ]

My balls.

I can't do this.

I'm afraid they're gonna sense how afraid I am.

Oh, my God.

Please, stop, they're fighting.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cat meows ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Weakly ] Whole wheat.

Q: Did you say, "Whole wheat"?

I couldn't hear what you said.

The cat's sitting on your mike. We can't hear you.

[ Laughter ]

[ Weakly ] Whole wheat. I'm saying, "Whole wheat."

You're 40 years old saying, "Whole wheat" in a warehouse.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, phase three.

Oh, what is that?

That's a steak.

Q: That's a steak. No. No.

You've got Plexiglass around you.

Is that to keep things in?

Or to keep things out?

[ Laughter ]

What is that?

What is that? Please.

[ Laughter ]

Don't -- oh, you [bleep]ing asshole.

[ Laughter ]

Let's get the last cat in here.

The biggest and best cat that we know.

Please, don't -- don't, please.

If this is a tiger,

do not let it get in this thing, please.

You don't know what these things --

they're trained -- you don't even know.

Look what happened to Roy.

[ Laughter ]

Here we go, the biggest cat of all.

Murr: Uh-oh.

My favorite cat.

Uh-oh!

[ Laughter ]

[Bleep] cat.

I hate this [bleep]ing cat.

This cat keeps coming back.

[ Laughter ]

And...

Joe: There you go, yeah!

[ Laughter ]

Hump, Benjamin. Benjamin, hump.

This is where Sal Vulcano was just punished,

and now we're gonna give you

an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look of how it all happened.

I'm also gonna show you some bonus content

from tonight's episode.

[ Meows ]

So, what are you doing, making sure the cage is good?

I am making sure that we are ready to go to punish Sal.

And right now, I'm looking at the cage.

You look like a kid on Christmas.

I'm very excited.

Oh, my God.

[ Laughter ]

What's interesting is that he was in this building

not too long ago.

What's racing through his mind?

I feel like the suspense is killing him.

Well, we've done a bunch of them in this building,

so that's kind of throwing him off.

So, even when he comes to this building,

he won't know, 'cause we did --

I wrestled Byamba next door, the sumo wrestler.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Cheering ]

You know, Q's tarantula, of course.

[ Screams ]

[ Laughter ] Get it off!

You should've had him wrestle a tarantula.

That would've been it. Next time.

This is kind of your brain child, this punishment.

Yeah, this is direct revenge on Sal for the tarantulas.

Oh, so this is just the Sal one.

This is -- oh, yeah, they're all --

they're all getting specific punishments.

Okay, but not necessarily always tortured?

No, no, no, no, no.

This was just a funny one 'cause I know it'll get Sal.

When I strike, I will specifically say,

"This is because of the tarantulas."

Wow. Yes.

Since when do we do this, though, by the way?

Nobody else does this.

I'm always the one that has to be put through

this stupid [bleep]

They're doing the intro right now,

and Sal just found out what his punishment is.

Tarantulas cannot attack you like a cat can.

He's trying to convince you

that cats are worse than tarantulas.

I know! Is this guy kidding me?

What about my eyes? Yeah, you got two of them.

I mean, it's funny because

he's somehow trying to convince me

that cats are worse than tarantulas.

The balls on this guy.

♪

Murr: Look at him.

[ Laughter ] What's the point of that?

No, the [bleep] extra. It's done.

[ Laughter ]

I'm not going anywhere.

Well, you don't know what's gonna join you.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, God.

I swear to God,

I thought you were gonna bring out a [bleep] Bengal.

We're here, moments after Sal just got punished.

At any point, are you worried, now,

that he's gonna lose the fear of cats?

No. Did you see him out there?

I mean, I agree. Look at him right now.

Look at him, he's soaked.

Well, thank you guys so much. This has been so fun.

And then, what do you guys, now, you clean up?

No, we go home. That's it.

No, no, no, that's it. You get to clean this mess up.

I have to clean up?

Oh, okay.

♪

You were just on a hidden-camera TV show

called "Impractical Jokers,"

and I'm so sorry for lying to you.

[ Laughter ]

She ran away!

Hey!

An 8? An 8?

What are you, nuts?

Oh, my God. [ Laughter ]

Oh, you are a terrible judge of character, Melissa.

You're awesome. Thank you for giving me an 8.

Sal: Dude, what are you doing?

Why are you giving them back to me?

[ Laughter ]

♪