Original subtitles

-Happy Halloween, Daddy. -Mwah.

Don't you look bewitching.

Thank you.

Things don't feel quite right.

Did that costume come with a wand?

'Cause then you could wave it around and, I don't know,

presto, otherworldly atmosphere in an instant.

Something's still missing.

No magic wand, but I have a spell.

Eye of newt.

Toad that's green.

Transform this room into Halloween.

Mmm. Much better.

It smells festive.

Oh, limited edition pumpkin roll.

-Febreze. -You know it.

Yeah. Perfect.

The kiddos will think you sprung for a real-life

pumpkin patch when they come to collect their treats.

This is my treat.

Febreze always comes out with scents that smell amazing.

It puts me in the holiday spirit.

Why does shrinking these things down make them taste better?

They're a Halloween miracle.

Admit it, you only come over for the candy.

I know how much you and Ted love this holiday.

I know...

the first one without him can't be easy.

Oh, it is my favorite.

And Ted went all in for me. Couples costumes.

He was the Gomez to my Morticia.

Pharaoh Akhenaton to my Nefertiti.

You could see our house from a block away.

It was different every year.

You did the house up as the house

from the Halloweenmovies one year.

Inside and out.

And then there was a year

that the kids wanted nothing but SpongeBob,

and the above-ground pool started leaking,

so Ted put on his scuba gear and...

Your place was the, uh, the go-to place

for the kids in Fairmont Crest.

Oh, I hope they are not disappointed this year.

I scaled it all the way down.

I only care how one kid handles it.

Mine.

I'm fine, Daddy.

Well, you didn't scrimp on the candy.

That's what counts.

Okay, which horror movie is gonna start our festivities?

Ooh, it depends.

Do we do old-school-- Nightmare on Elm Street--

or new-school-- Us?

-I do love me some Lupita. -[doorbell rings]

-I'll get it. -Oh. Oh. Uh, nope.

Dani finally convinced me to get that app.

Trick or treat.

I hate tonight.

I should be at home answering the door

to trick-or-treaters wearing ridiculous costumes

and not caring because my wife is so damn thrilled.

That's why I wanted us to hang out tonight. Take the edge off.

Yeah, well, Nicole's doubling down on the new man

in her life as we speak.

Carlton?

I know we saw them together, but you thought Aunt Nicole

planting that kiss on him was just her blowing smoke.

You have reason to believe that it's real now?

Nicole's not one for games.

That's your wife's purview.

-Hey, Dani can play. -Yeah, well,

when Nicole does something, she means it.

There's no halfway.

I'm hurting for you, Unc.

You'd think there'd be some extra layer of bro code

for doctors who share a practice.

Yeah, we're way past that.

Am I missing something?

We're business partners, not enemies.

But I swear I came this close to putting his ass on the floor.

Ah, come on, that's not the smartest way to handle things.

I know. I-I just...

I lost it.

I've never seen you raise your fist.

So why now?

I caught a glimpse of hope and acted a fool.

Wait, so something happened between you two?

Nicole came to my suite

the night of the wedding, and we were close to...

...a moment that would've put me back in my house

where I belong.

Okay, that's fantastic. So how did that go left?

You were there, she was there, then...

Fire alarm.

She's been running ever since.

But at least I know she still feels something for me.

But since I'm a single man, and you're now happily married,

how about you tell me how to get back to marital bliss?

Okay, I have some advice for you,

but you're not gonna like it.

♪ ♪

I should just change into an orange jumpsuit.

Being grounded on Halloween is cruel and unusual punishment.

Actions have consequences.

For example, the matching Squid Game costumes

that I got for your Pop and me that'll go unused.

All hail the chess king.

I'm a knight.

I knew that. It was a joke.

So you and Jessica decided against the Spider-Man and Gwen?

Sold out everywhere we looked.

I didn't think that Jessica would be down with it,

but she was all about it.

She must really like you.

You look great.

The house party's actually an upgrade

from the school dance.

So Jessica took you out of the friend zone?

We're not defined or anything, Pop.

[knock on door]

Maybe that's best. Take your time.

Okay. That shouldn't work,

but on you, it does, Jessica.

-You look lovely. -Thanks.

Ah. The queen can move in any direction she wants,

but the knight-- he faces some restrictions.

The only chess move you know is from The Queen's Gambit.

If I'm going to wear the thing, I got to know the thing.

I've been watching tutorials.

I think they're defined.

Garrison, the new nurse, was late,

and the streets were packed with costumed kids and parents.

I forgot what an adorable, slow-moving nightmare

Halloween can be.

-No worries. -Ugh. Yes, worries.

I'm gonna take a shower.

I'm gonna throw our costumes together.

We are not showing up to Ashley Andrea's

first Halloween party as firefighter and nurse.

You've been busy picking up all those extra shifts.

I took care of the costumes.

Aw. Who we gonna be?

Call me greedy, I just wanted to get a sneak peek.

Aw.

Sweet.

What are you gonna wear?

I thought you'd never ask.

[laughing]: Oh, boy.

Yep, that is blue.

You cannot actually wear that on the day.

Tonight's practice.

The real thing is gonna be way better,

in ways you haven't even imagined yet.

We're out of here.

Being early's boring.

Not being in a hurry in any way is good.

Real subtle.

What's the hurry? Just kick it here for a while.

We're actually going to pre-party with some real food

at Orphey's before we enter the land of chips and dips.

Well, your dad and I just want to make it clear

what can and can't happen tonight.

No drinking, no gummies unless they're candy.

You know you can trust me.

-Unlike me? -That's not what I meant.

Jessica, I'm grounded.

Oh, been there.

Not for breaking any of the aforementioned rules.

-See you at 10:30. -10:30?

Could I use my royal powers to negotiate?

Then they'll keep moving it backwards

in 15-minute increments if you do.

Strict, but true.

Let's go.

SMITTY: Be safe.

That's what I was trying to do.

Oh, my two dads are suddenly pro-condom

for big bro but not me?

-Have fun. -Not too much.

If you've got some GPS on how to get back into my wife's heart,

I'm ready.

Do nothing.

And this is supposed to be helpful?

Unc, if you take another step towards her,

she'll take it as you stepping over her boundaries.

You win back her trust by respecting what she needs.

Space.

Let Aunt Nicole run with Carlton for a minute,

and then she'll see that he's a pale imitation.

Hm.

And what if she moves him into my house?

Well, then you know where you stand.

But, hey, life is filled with many impossible things.

Dani was supposed to be a fling, and now she's my wife.

If you and Aunt Nicole are meant to be,

you'll have your day.

I know it.

The student becomes master, huh?

-You made some points. -Mm-hmm.

I'll try it your way, huh. Nicole's worth the wait.

How did you convince those children

to pose for the camera so that I would let you in?

Bribed them with candy. 'Tis the season.

I was expecting full-on haunted house,

but hey, there aren't even full-sized candy bars, so...

You needn't concern yourself with my chocolate supplies

since I'm no longer sharing anything with you.

Sure about that?

Oh, Nicky, Halloween is a social contract.

I show up in my lovely costume.

You owe me candy, or society falls apart.

The candy's for the children.

Girl, there are plenty of adults

crawling all over this neighborhood.

Yes, with their kids.

I figured I'd just come and meet some of my new neighbors.

And do they believe you're an angel

instead of the devil who's making their lives

a living hell with all that construction noise?

Says the witch.

My palace will raise everyone's property values.

Besides, Halloween is the perfect time

to try on someone new.

The woman I'm becoming.

But, girl, listen, if you are going to judge

another girl's costume, then hunty,

you are on the "montey."

You bring out the witch in me.

Reform doesn't look like petty harassment

dressed up as an angel.

Is a costume beneath you, Senator?

I am garbed as a fed-up father set to call security.

Fine. Okay? Just relax, Vern.

I'm moving on.

I'm moving, moving on.

But I will get my way one way or another.

Trick or treat!

Let's get our movie on, hm?

Whatever we pick, nothing will be scarier than that one.

Just postpone my grounding.

I only have two Halloweens left before college,

and you're taking one of them away from me.

You're taking it away from you.

You're either here, at school, or at ChelseaKat

for the next month.

For doing something that I only almost did

that you two do on the regular.

You taught me "my body, my choice,"

so you're punishing me for choosing.

We are grown and married.

You are 16, Samantha.

And there's some things that you can't do.

Kids can't vote or drink

because they're not emotionally mature enough

to handle such adult things.

But I'm more mature than everyone my age, even Tyrell.

This isn't a competition or a race.

I thought I knew everything at your age, but I didn't.

You have so much more to learn

before you dive into this part of being an adult.

But talking's allowed.

Can I process what happened with Gran

or Grandma or Chelsea and Kat?

We do want you to talk to them.

So I can-- I can have my phone back?

Nice try. I'll dial from my phone.

But I don't want to see Grandma in person.

In politics, we like to call this a reacharound.

I'm not familiar. Maybe I'm too young.

You're just trying to go to her Halloween party.

Which is counter to the spirit of grounding.

Okay. I get that this isn't like getting a bad grade.

It's "about to be a woman" stuff.

So, I think that I need to talk

to a fellow woman about it.

I think that my two dads would understand.

Okay. Sold.

But we are totally going with you.

Oh, this is my not so wonderful life,

complete with a...

Hell's Angel.

Ooh, I can rock that.

I had a motorcycle jacket,

and it fit me like a glove.

Donated it.

I'm such a giver.

Why can't you see that?

Because your idea of charity is hiding evidence

in an attempted homicide.

Were you just born without shame?

Oh, Teddy Bear,

I shed my shame like a snake sheds its skin.

And if only you could lose yours.

Instead, you are crying over your ex-wife the witch.

Don't insult Nicole.

It's just an observation.

She's got a pointy little hat on tonight.

-How'd you know that? -I went trick-or-treating.

Stopped by your old place.

So, was the house all decked out?

And Nicole-- how was she?

I am not that easy, homie.

You have to buy me a drink first.

[gasps]

[laughing]

I saw you jump.

[laughing]

I should be immune.

My whole life is a horror show right now.

And I'm not talking about Bad Angel Leslie.

I thought signing those divorce papers brought you some peace.

Forgiving Ted felt like I had thrown off

all of that anger and hurt.

I was in the clear to see

what this brand-new world had to offer.

Then...

Enter Carlton.

I knew he was sporting a crush.

He refilled your glass more than the waitstaff at every party.

I never saw him before because my heart was full of Ted.

Why so hesitant?

Carlton seems so self-possessed.

No drama, no games.

I thought we could all get past the inconvenient truth

that him and Ted are friends,

business partners.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

What happened?

Oh, my ex and the guy I'm seeing

almost squared off in the middle of the hospital

for all of my colleagues to enjoy.

Ooh, Carlton is smitten.

You're charmed?

You and Mother have taught me that I am not a prize to be won

or a damsel in distress to be rescued.

So I told Carlton I needed a pause.

Well, between what Ted and Bill did to you and Dani,

even my own commitment to nonviolence has been tested.

So are you gonna kick a good man to the curb

whose only crime was

he was attracted to you?

You did just catch us in a very special episode

of Richardson-Smiths.

What'd your sister do?

That's for her to tell.

I hate that she's missing out, though.

And I hate that we're all collateral damage.

How's that?

My curfew's normally a call-few.

Ouch. Sorry, Cinder-fella.

I'll grab a ride.

You don't have to leave early.

It's better she can't see me in my gear like this.

She'd want to rip the uniform straight off.

The DMV's Next Top Model wants me to punch her V-card.

Just got to wait a little bit longer to oblige.

Got to go.

What did you just say about my sister?

[chuckling]: Whoa.

Are congratulations in order?

-[chuckling] -[chuckles] Um,

and face the wrath of my mother? [chuckles]

Then why... [stammers]

then why do you look like you two just stepped off

the top of a cake?

Ashley Andrea's Halloween party, remember?

Ah. Right, right, right.

Her mom promised to send me pics when I texted to cancel.

DEREK: Sweet baby.

She actually fell asleep on her smash cake.

-[Ashley laughs] -[chuckles]

Ah, should have been there to take pictures of 'em.

Well, you should have been there for the dessert crepes.

-They were to die. [chuckles] -Hmm? Yeah?

Well, maybe that's a sign that you're still destined

-for "Par-ee"? -Oh, no.

I am not a natural at languages.

I have been practicing on this app,

but I am getting nowhere with my Spanish.

I'll work with you.

ASHLEY: But you're way ahead. Jose at the station's

-been practicing with you on the regular.

Serás la novia más hermosa del mundo.

All I got was "beautiful."

"You will be the most beautiful bride in the world."

-Aw. -Uh...

Spanish. So no Paris?

We decided on Spain instead.

Mmm.

Boo-tini.

Delicious.

Oh. Are angels allowed to partake?

And also to stall, apparently.

Oh. It is, uh...

just Halloween decorations,

not paternity test results.

Okay.

The house was completely barren.

Just the wicked witch and her tiny little chocolates.

-Just sad. -Hmm.

Uh, Nicole can't do it without me, huh?

Holiday belongs to us.

Why are you so down

when your marriage is dead and buried?

A piece of paper is not gonna change the way I feel.

[sighs] Yes, Lord.

Okay.

I'm going to honor this costume and drop some heavenly wisdom.

Okay?

No man as cute as you

should be wasting time chasing after someone

that is already gone.

And why haven't Satan's minions

or whoever you keep company with down there

turned that same advice on you?

Why, I do declare.

Did Ted Richardson just give me a-a compliment?

Did he just say I'm cute?

Ooh, I finally landed on the right kink

to get a bona fide compliment.

Mm. No, that was quite the reach.

Well, you know I am...

limber.

Ah.

So close but yet so far.

-Hmm? -What?

What-what-what-what did I miss?

Oh, the chance for us to actually be friends.

We love scary movies because...

they're a safe place to experience our fears.

Maybe you didn't put the freeze on Carlton

because he almost fought with Ted. May...

Maybe you felt something for him

and are afraid of being hurt again.

Or maybe I love those movies

because the woman usually survives.

-Nicole. -I know, Daddy.

I-- Oh.

I should have warned you.

I called off the big Halloween.

Mmm. And what are you supposed to be?

An innie from Severance?

More like the girl from The Handmaid's Tale.

Halloween is canceled.

I can't have any nice things.

She's grounded.

VERNON: Oh.

Sorry, sweetie.

I wanted to appeal to a higher court.

SMITTY: We thought it would be a good idea for Samantha

to talk to you.

And whenever I was feeling lost,

you always helped me find my way.

Well, then maybe...

Grandma, the only way to fix it is if you let me move in here.

I have mad respect for a girl who chose the best receiver

in all the DMV to give it up to.

When did you get so disgusting?

Samantha thought you were something, but you're nothing.

She missed out on the Halloween dance because of you.

She won't be near your gross game again.

Why is she blowing up my phone?

You don't even know that she's been lifting your phone

to get to me? Read her sext.

Get that out of my face.

Your sister's crazy, all right.

In all the best ways.

I just can't wait to add her to my body count.

Ew. Every word out of your mouth makes you smaller.

Know what shrinks?

Having your girl stand up for you.

I speak for me.

You do.

But let me.

I can see right through your costume.

A real man would never front about any girl,

let alone someone as worthy as Samantha.

What's your move, chess man?

Why don't you start from the beginning?

My dads are so not sex-positive.

The patriarchy grounded me for kissing a boy.

Was that all there was?

Well, we were doing more than kissing.

But I'm supposed to be doing more than kissing.

-I'm 16. -There's no clock.

There's no "supposed to."

Tell me about this Romeo.

Nathan. He's...

a football player.

And he's popular and sweet and hot.

Your first boyfriend

and this is the first I'm hearing whispers about him?

Well, situationships are kind of, like, the thing now.

How well do you know Mr. Situation?

We have a few classes together,

and we've hung out a couple times.

And, um...

we've made out.

I told Pop about it, though.

But you didn't get the all clear from your dads

for him to come over.

We weren't in my room. We were in the living room.

Even my mother and father wouldn't ground me

for kissing on the couch.

It was what was on the floor that was the problem.

A condom wrapper.

She's dazzled about this Nathan.

But I just see a kid that's just trying to add to his scorecard.

Hmm. Dani liked the bad boys, too.

Well, what did you do?

Oh, we thought we laid down the law.

Next, we're sitting in the living room,

watching our girl climb down bedsheets.

[chuckling]

The harder we tried to shut Dani down,

the more creative she got.

We are in for a world of hurt.

Samantha is not Dani.

But don't give her rules to rail against

so much as compassion.

Lead with love.

That's how you're gonna get her through this.

Getting in my face for doing what a brother should

for a sister.

Knock yourself out.

I can knock you out.

My grandfather says fists are nothing compared to words.

You have to invoke Old Man Dupree

because your fists have nothing behind them.

And you think because Jessica took pity on you

that we forgot you're our school's chess chump meme.

Chess is my ticket to just about any college I want.

With your stats... [scoffs]

you have a better shot of becoming an astronaut

than going pro.

As for brains, heart--

face it, man,

you're all brawn, no bandwidth.

Do your worst.

Maybe I'll end up flat out,

but I won't get any lower than you.

You ain't worth it.

Tell Samantha hit me up when she's free.

Oh, that's our order.

Ooh.

Careful.

This time last year, we were at a loft party.

What a difference a year makes.

But tonight was fun.

It was more fun than Ash painted it out to be.

-Yeah, it sounded cute, man. Sweet. -Yeah.

Yeah, we're getting in the rhythm of all our old routines.

But seeing her hold that baby tonight,

I can't help but see it as practice

for when we have our own one day.

Yeah, man, I'm-I'm glad for you.

Yeah, Ash is glowing.

And you?

I'm happy. Yeah.

Dani's been the surprise of my life.

She's got me embracing adulting.

-Look at this. -Yeah.

And what if you and the new missus don't work out?

What then?

Come on, man. I can't even go there.

-Hypothetically. -You'd have to make

some villainous turn and break Ash's heart

for there to be anything different.

But we both know that you're a straight-up good guy, so...

I don't even know what we're talking about.

Happy Halloween, Derek.

Enjoy your bride.

I'm gonna get home to mine.

I swear, I... caught a glimpse of that waitress, uh,

who took pity on me when I was falling apart

at table two at that diner,

and I see glimpses of her in Eva.

Thank you for finally acknowledging that.

Yeah, well,

it was much harder when you were so busy trying to destroy me.

Now, that hasn't nearly been as satisfying as I thought.

Maybe because the old Dana is still in there.

Well, I am wearing the costume of someone who can't be evil,

so maybe it's practice for doing the same thing out of it.

Spoiler alert: angels can fall.

Hush. All right?

I am not trying to tear your life apart.

Anymore.

That's easier said than done

when the mission's accomplished, huh?

Well, if I'd won,

you would be mine right now.

Look at us. I mean, we've come full circle.

You coming to me

when you have a Nicole-sized hole in your heart.

Because she pushed you away.

Yeah, well, before things got messy,

we used to talk for hours.

Well, I'm done trick-or-treating.

I got time.

I'm just glad Nathan didn't catch me shaking.

And it sucks that my sister's still not over him.

Lots of girls get caught up on swagger.

But your dads seem pretty anti-Nathan, too,

if that counts for anything.

What would you do if all your friends told you

to kick me to the curb?

Who says they haven't already?

I was kidding.

A couple of dumb kids said

that dating you would take a hit to my social stock.

But if they believe that, not worth my time.

[chuckles softly] Thanks.

I guess you could just point out who's anti-Tyrell at the party.

But with Nathan there backing them up,

it'll be pretty obvious.

Then I know exactly what move we make next.

This Nathan try to pressure you?

I was the one who initiated things.

Honey.

Would this have been your first time?

Yeah.

On the couch of your brownstone

with a guy that you've hung out with a couple of times

who isn't your boyfriend?

Am I supposed to wait for a ring?

I didn't.

-You didn't? -No.

But I was in college and I was exclusive

and I felt safe and comfortable.

This isn't something that you just check off

of your to-do list or punch like a coffee card.

It might not seem like a big deal to you,

but to most people, it is.

I'm not you, Grandma.

Nope. You are not.

You are you.

My sweet granddaughter who craves affection

and compliments and loves cuddles.

But...

...sharing your body with another person

means sharing your whole self

with another person.

That experience without affection can be very cold.

You feel bad now because you can't talk to Nathan

on the phone.

How do you think you'll feel if Nathan doesn't want

to talk to you after you've shared your whole self with him?

I have no strings on him.

But you want to after you have sex, right?

You want him to be your boyfriend?

Maybe.

And where did you get the idea

that that is how it all works?

That if you sleep with him, he's yours?

From Kat.

-How about February? -Well, every weekend's booked everywhere

from now until spring break. And I am

not getting married at the firehouse.

What about that room in the museum that's

always bringing you to tears?

We can get married in a room full of Monets

on Valentine's Day.

The Water Lilies.

Well, that exhibit's traveling now,

so maybe we should just wait until it gets back, you know?

-Or we can keep brainstorming. -Okay, it's not just about the venue.

I'm...

I'm overloaded at the hospital,

and I don't want our wedding to be rushed.

I want it to be right. And now...

God, I can't even find time to breathe.

I...

Dana, I've said some things.

I've been harsh.

You know, I liked that time, too.

'Cause you would come walking in there with that sad mug,

and I was on a mission to turn your frown, baby,

-upside down. -Yeah.

Oh, and I would take a break the second that I saw you

through those picture windows.

I was so starved at that time

that an extra hash brown and whipped cream on my pancake...

-Mm-hmm. -made all the difference in the world.

I knew you were giving me extra attention.

And at the same time, Nicole wasn't.

I didn't know what you were missing.

I just knew you were lonely, and...

I just wanted to change that for you.

I guess I wanted to change it for me, too.

I used to show up where you were tending bar.

You poured the best martini I ever had.

What'd you call?

-Black Magic, darling. -Ah.

Yeah, and I'll let you in on a little secret.

I put a few drops of Chambord.

Hmm.

You think we could really do this?

What?

Make this the start of a...

beautiful friendship.

You know, erase all the ugliness,

even when you put back on the regular clothes.

What, you think I'm gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight?

I don't want any more of this tug-of-war over our girl.

Because I'd win.

You know, those first twisted months aside,

you raised her to be downright amazing.

Well, tell her that.

She's been missing your approval her whole life.

There she is.

The ghost of Dana's past.

I could get used to this side of you.

Well, you know, there are, uh,

plenty more sides...

ooh, where that came from.

Listen, just reflex, all right?

I really enjoyed spending time with you tonight.

That was a real treat.

You have a move to check Nathan?

Nathan doesn't get to kill our Halloween.

We have our party here.

I mean, we're still wearing the coolest costumes.

There's better food,

and there's me and you.

I don't want you to miss out.

Okay, I'm going to say this to you slowly.

I want...

to be alone...

with you.

But why?

Because it wasn't just brave. It was hot.

I've been called a lot of names, but...

but never that.

Well, get used to it.

I mean, nothing says checkmate more than a knight

who is willing to do anything to protect his own.

And his queen.

My sister told you to have sex with that boy?

-You were listening? -Martin,

you're violating the safe space we promised Samantha.

I was gonna ask if you wanted cocoa.

But, no, we're going home.

Tyrell will not be at home alone with his date either.

-So no apology? -Uh,

we needed to know where you were getting all of these ideas.

But now me and my sister have a few things to discuss.

VERNON: Uh, Martin,

you need to take a minute and breathe like I taught you.

Let's all take a collective breath.

SAMANTHA: Don't. Okay? Kat doesn't know.

I-I heard her talking about how she finally overcame some stuff

with Tomas and how they were finally fire.

And so I realized that I was ready, too.

So I pushed things with Nathan.

Oh, honey, you're saying that you initiated this?

Kat has years on you.

Wh-What's good for her is not good for you yet.

You are so young.

And Kat should have never had

a conversation this sensitive around you.

So now I can't even hear about sex?

Call Kat tomorrow.

I can't tell you how to parent,

but Samantha needs and wants to talk about all of this,

and grounding her is not gonna make it go away.

Does that mean you're letting me move in here?

-Move in where? -Move in where?

Samantha suggested staying with me for a while

until it all cools down.

But you're not gonna work through it

if you're not under the same roof.

Worst Halloween ever.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org